1 00:00:06,000 --> 00:00:12,074 Advertise your product or brand here contact www.OpenSubtitles.org today 2 00:00:51,280 --> 00:00:56,280 https://www.facebook.com/pablo.viva.73 3 00:00:56,281 --> 00:00:57,983 [CHEERING AND WHISTLING] 4 00:01:04,357 --> 00:01:06,759 Greetings. Thank you. 5 00:01:11,930 --> 00:01:13,831 Thank you so much. 6 00:01:13,832 --> 00:01:17,168 Thank you, everybody. Thank you so much. 7 00:01:17,169 --> 00:01:19,103 Thank you, thank you. 8 00:01:19,104 --> 00:01:23,809 Welcome to The Grand Tour. And in this week's programme: 9 00:01:25,444 --> 00:01:27,379 I drive a saloon car. 10 00:01:27,380 --> 00:01:30,047 [EXPLOSIONS] 11 00:01:30,048 --> 00:01:33,752 James drives a catering lorry. 12 00:01:35,020 --> 00:01:37,922 And Richard has a knife fight. 13 00:01:37,923 --> 00:01:39,891 Let's dance. 14 00:01:39,892 --> 00:01:41,393 [LAUGHTER] 15 00:01:41,394 --> 00:01:43,928 That is all to come, but first of all, 16 00:01:43,929 --> 00:01:46,998 let me talk you through where we are. It's South Africa. 17 00:01:46,999 --> 00:01:50,301 Over there, in the distance, you can see Johannesburg. 18 00:01:50,302 --> 00:01:55,006 But this place here is called The Cradle of Humankind. 19 00:01:55,007 --> 00:01:58,042 Now it's called that because archaeologists have determined 20 00:01:58,043 --> 00:02:03,415 it was on this very spot that mankind separated from the ape. 21 00:02:03,416 --> 00:02:05,684 Ahem. 22 00:02:08,854 --> 00:02:10,287 Well, I mean... 23 00:02:10,288 --> 00:02:12,624 [CHEERING] 24 00:02:12,625 --> 00:02:14,426 See? We haven't even begun. 25 00:02:14,427 --> 00:02:15,793 - What? - Be reasonable. 26 00:02:15,794 --> 00:02:18,229 You've learnt to put socks on, 27 00:02:18,230 --> 00:02:19,764 but other than that, mate... 28 00:02:19,765 --> 00:02:21,799 Listen, I'm trying to be profound here, OK? 29 00:02:21,800 --> 00:02:23,735 - Carry on, carry on. - I'm trying to be profound. 30 00:02:23,736 --> 00:02:25,470 Because this is ground zero. 31 00:02:25,471 --> 00:02:27,972 This is where all of human history began. 32 00:02:27,973 --> 00:02:31,543 Anyone who comes here, it's like coming home. 33 00:02:31,544 --> 00:02:33,445 - Jeremy. - What? 34 00:02:33,446 --> 00:02:36,848 How long has it taken some of us to evolve from being apes? 35 00:02:36,849 --> 00:02:39,150 - [LAUGHTER] - It's taken 36 00:02:39,151 --> 00:02:42,454 two million and a hundred... 37 00:02:42,455 --> 00:02:44,221 [LAUGHTER] 38 00:02:44,222 --> 00:02:46,725 [CHEERING AND GOADING] 39 00:02:49,828 --> 00:02:53,699 You at home may be wondering why everybody here is applauding, 40 00:02:56,134 --> 00:02:59,203 but it's because while the rest of mankind 41 00:02:59,204 --> 00:03:02,940 has managed to grasp the concept of arithmetic, 42 00:03:02,941 --> 00:03:05,977 the President of South Africa, Jacob Zuma... 43 00:03:05,978 --> 00:03:08,079 Well, how can I put this? He sort of hasn't. 44 00:03:08,080 --> 00:03:11,148 I've got a clip here to show you what I'm on about. 45 00:03:11,149 --> 00:03:15,821 We announce that our membership figures 46 00:03:17,022 --> 00:03:21,358 stood at... 769, 47 00:03:21,359 --> 00:03:23,194 eight-hundred and... 48 00:03:23,195 --> 00:03:25,863 [LAUGHTER] 49 00:03:25,864 --> 00:03:27,398 700... 50 00:03:27,399 --> 00:03:28,900 [LAUGHTER] 51 00:03:28,901 --> 00:03:30,668 Listen properly. 52 00:03:30,669 --> 00:03:36,007 769 thousand, 53 00:03:36,008 --> 00:03:39,010 820... 54 00:03:39,011 --> 00:03:40,411 [CLEARS THROAT] 55 00:03:40,412 --> 00:03:44,782 [LAUGHTER] 56 00:03:44,783 --> 00:03:47,520 I mean, honestly. 57 00:03:49,087 --> 00:03:51,422 The funny thing is... 58 00:03:51,423 --> 00:03:54,892 Jacob Zuma is a bit of a controversial figure here. 59 00:03:54,893 --> 00:03:57,529 He recently installed a swimming pool at his home. 60 00:03:57,530 --> 00:04:01,198 And then, because he'd used taxpayers' money to do that, 61 00:04:01,199 --> 00:04:05,970 he said it was actually a water storage facility in case of a fire. 62 00:04:05,971 --> 00:04:08,873 So, in other words, if he burst into flames, 63 00:04:08,874 --> 00:04:11,008 he can jump into it and put himself out 64 00:04:11,009 --> 00:04:15,346 in ten hundred and... three hundred... seconds. 65 00:04:15,347 --> 00:04:16,581 He has also bought himself 66 00:04:16,582 --> 00:04:18,349 what he claims is a fire engine. 67 00:04:18,350 --> 00:04:20,152 Nice. 68 00:04:21,887 --> 00:04:23,655 He's also got himself an ambulance. 69 00:04:23,656 --> 00:04:26,758 Yep. Can't be too careful. 70 00:04:26,759 --> 00:04:29,060 Motoring in South Africa. 71 00:04:29,061 --> 00:04:31,395 Big problem here, of course, is the wildlife, 72 00:04:31,396 --> 00:04:34,098 because how do you accurately warn motorists 73 00:04:34,099 --> 00:04:36,734 that there may be a deer-y thing ahead 74 00:04:36,735 --> 00:04:39,136 and it could be full of helium? 75 00:04:39,137 --> 00:04:40,271 [LAUGHTER] 76 00:04:40,272 --> 00:04:41,939 Well, the authorities have had a go. 77 00:04:41,940 --> 00:04:43,841 They've come up with this as a sign. 78 00:04:43,842 --> 00:04:47,411 It's not bad, except they've got the word wrong. 79 00:04:47,412 --> 00:04:50,582 [LAUGHTER] 80 00:04:50,583 --> 00:04:52,316 What? 81 00:04:52,317 --> 00:04:53,718 It's wrong, isn't it? 82 00:04:53,719 --> 00:04:55,419 - It's not baboons. - No, it's not. 83 00:04:55,420 --> 00:04:58,123 We're from England. We know that's not a baboon. 84 00:04:59,725 --> 00:05:02,426 Baboons are actually very dangerous here. 85 00:05:02,427 --> 00:05:04,929 [LAUGHTER] 86 00:05:04,930 --> 00:05:06,397 Certainly, they've got a better idea 87 00:05:06,398 --> 00:05:09,466 of how to handle a gun than the local police. 88 00:05:09,467 --> 00:05:11,603 [LAUGHTER] 89 00:05:11,604 --> 00:05:15,072 He's actually using that as a shooting stick. 90 00:05:15,073 --> 00:05:17,041 Shall we get on with the show? 91 00:05:17,042 --> 00:05:19,611 - Yes, good idea. Good plan. - Yes, let's. 92 00:05:19,612 --> 00:05:21,078 And we start with Aston Martin. 93 00:05:21,079 --> 00:05:23,447 The company must have had a meeting recently 94 00:05:23,448 --> 00:05:24,949 and the bosses must have said, 95 00:05:24,950 --> 00:05:26,283 "It's gonna be a few years now 96 00:05:26,284 --> 00:05:27,985 "until the next Bond film is out, 97 00:05:27,986 --> 00:05:30,021 "so what are we gonna do at Aston Martin 98 00:05:30,022 --> 00:05:32,256 to generate some headlines in the meantime?" 99 00:05:32,257 --> 00:05:34,158 And what they must have decided is, 100 00:05:34,159 --> 00:05:36,427 to make a car that is as good as a car can be. 101 00:05:36,428 --> 00:05:38,696 They weren't talking about making a racing car 102 00:05:38,697 --> 00:05:39,931 because in racing there are rules 103 00:05:39,932 --> 00:05:41,733 about how big the engine can be 104 00:05:41,734 --> 00:05:43,334 and what sort of tyres you can use. 105 00:05:43,335 --> 00:05:45,202 And they weren't talking about making a road car, 106 00:05:45,203 --> 00:05:48,105 that would have to meet emissions regulations, 107 00:05:48,106 --> 00:05:50,675 have comfy rubber bits in the suspension. 108 00:05:50,676 --> 00:05:52,309 And all that stuff would slow it down. 109 00:05:52,310 --> 00:05:53,978 Exactly. They wanted to make a car 110 00:05:53,979 --> 00:05:56,648 that adhered to no rules and no regulations. 111 00:05:56,649 --> 00:05:58,717 So they have. 112 00:06:07,793 --> 00:06:10,663 This is what they came up with. 113 00:06:16,669 --> 00:06:20,673 It costs £1.8 million. 114 00:06:21,940 --> 00:06:24,309 And it's called the Vulcan. 115 00:06:26,779 --> 00:06:29,014 Spectacular, isn't it? 116 00:06:33,852 --> 00:06:35,954 But not very practical. 117 00:06:48,133 --> 00:06:49,600 [GRUNTS] 118 00:06:49,601 --> 00:06:51,303 [GRUNTS] 119 00:06:53,071 --> 00:06:55,506 [GRUNTS] 120 00:06:55,507 --> 00:06:57,308 Oh, God. Ow! 121 00:06:57,309 --> 00:06:59,277 Agh! 122 00:07:01,246 --> 00:07:03,214 [GRUNTS] 123 00:07:03,215 --> 00:07:05,616 Hold on... Nope. 124 00:07:05,617 --> 00:07:08,519 How are you...? 125 00:07:08,520 --> 00:07:09,721 No. 126 00:07:09,722 --> 00:07:11,355 Agh! 127 00:07:11,356 --> 00:07:14,092 Now I'm totally stuck. 128 00:07:15,794 --> 00:07:17,494 Oh, yeah. 129 00:07:17,495 --> 00:07:18,963 [PANTING] 130 00:07:18,964 --> 00:07:21,933 You will be able to edit this out, won't you? 131 00:07:21,934 --> 00:07:23,902 I don't want people thinking I'm fat. 132 00:07:26,238 --> 00:07:28,339 Right. I'm gonna pop it into gear now. 133 00:07:28,340 --> 00:07:30,742 You may hear this a little bit. 134 00:07:30,743 --> 00:07:32,076 [CLUNK] 135 00:07:32,077 --> 00:07:34,746 - [CLUNK] - [LOW BUZZING] 136 00:07:34,747 --> 00:07:36,280 [CLUNK] 137 00:07:36,281 --> 00:07:37,815 Good. First. 138 00:07:37,816 --> 00:07:40,117 Er... foot on clutch. 139 00:07:40,118 --> 00:07:44,923 And now it's time to fire up the seven-litre V12. 140 00:07:49,594 --> 00:07:51,864 - [CLUNK] - [ENGINE REVS] 141 00:07:56,068 --> 00:07:57,903 - [CLUNK] - [ENGINE STOPS] 142 00:08:00,839 --> 00:08:03,274 - [CLUNK] - [LOW BUZZING] 143 00:08:03,275 --> 00:08:05,142 It's quite normal. 144 00:08:05,143 --> 00:08:07,012 [CLUNK] 145 00:08:09,882 --> 00:08:11,416 [ENGINE REVS] 146 00:08:12,650 --> 00:08:15,787 [ENGINE REVS] 147 00:08:15,788 --> 00:08:20,392 When I got going, things didn't get much better. 148 00:08:24,329 --> 00:08:28,565 Even at slow speeds, it is quite loud in here, 149 00:08:28,566 --> 00:08:31,869 which is why I'm wearing this silly face microphone 150 00:08:31,870 --> 00:08:34,939 so you can hear what I'm on about. 151 00:08:34,940 --> 00:08:39,343 The noisiest part of this car, however, is not the engine. 152 00:08:39,344 --> 00:08:41,113 [ENGINE REVS] 153 00:08:42,214 --> 00:08:44,049 [SQUEALING] 154 00:08:46,451 --> 00:08:48,319 That's the brakes. 155 00:08:48,320 --> 00:08:50,021 [SQUEALING] 156 00:08:50,022 --> 00:08:52,324 They are quite... They are quite squeaky. 157 00:08:53,926 --> 00:08:56,560 [BRAKES CONTINUE TO SQUEAL] 158 00:08:56,561 --> 00:08:59,832 It actually sounds like I'm stamping on a piglet. 159 00:09:01,934 --> 00:09:05,837 And things get worse when you put your foot down. 160 00:09:05,838 --> 00:09:07,405 [ENGINE REVS] 161 00:09:11,944 --> 00:09:14,245 I'm not going to say that it's like 162 00:09:14,246 --> 00:09:17,448 being attacked by a bear because it isn't. 163 00:09:17,449 --> 00:09:20,885 But it is like being in a room with a bear 164 00:09:20,886 --> 00:09:23,855 that's thinking of attacking you. 165 00:09:23,856 --> 00:09:29,026 At the moment I've turned the engine down on this knob here 166 00:09:29,027 --> 00:09:30,862 to its minimum setting. 167 00:09:30,863 --> 00:09:34,132 It's only producing 500 horsepower. 168 00:09:35,533 --> 00:09:39,203 So it's not really the speed that's scary. 169 00:09:39,204 --> 00:09:40,938 Oh, God! 170 00:09:40,939 --> 00:09:43,440 It's the noise and the harshness 171 00:09:43,441 --> 00:09:45,477 and the vibrations. 172 00:09:50,148 --> 00:09:52,716 It's not a very well-equipped car either. 173 00:09:52,717 --> 00:09:55,752 The windows don't wind down, for instance. 174 00:09:55,753 --> 00:09:57,922 There are no toys at all. 175 00:09:57,923 --> 00:10:01,226 And you only get half a steering wheel. 176 00:10:05,030 --> 00:10:07,331 However, there is one amazing thing 177 00:10:07,332 --> 00:10:10,234 you get for your £1.8 million. 178 00:10:10,235 --> 00:10:14,405 An all-expenses-paid trip to a racetrack of your choice, 179 00:10:14,406 --> 00:10:16,240 where an Aston Martin test driver 180 00:10:16,241 --> 00:10:18,542 will teach you how to drive your car, 181 00:10:18,543 --> 00:10:21,979 not with the engine wound down to 500 horsepower, 182 00:10:21,980 --> 00:10:24,848 but with it turned up... 183 00:10:24,849 --> 00:10:26,551 ...to the max. 184 00:10:37,862 --> 00:10:40,999 Holy cow! Ha-ha-ha! 185 00:10:45,203 --> 00:10:50,274 The engine is now producing 820 horsepower. 186 00:10:50,275 --> 00:10:54,879 And the speed just beggars belief. 187 00:10:56,949 --> 00:10:58,416 The bear is in attack mode. 188 00:11:00,585 --> 00:11:06,423 The figures say it'll do 0-60 in 2.9 seconds. 189 00:11:06,424 --> 00:11:11,495 And has a top speed of 208 with that wing on the back. 190 00:11:11,496 --> 00:11:14,999 But it feels a hell of a lot faster than that. 191 00:11:15,000 --> 00:11:17,235 Oh, God! 192 00:11:25,210 --> 00:11:27,211 The other thing you get for your money 193 00:11:27,212 --> 00:11:29,014 is a squadron of mechanics. 194 00:11:31,849 --> 00:11:35,687 But sadly... not a handbrake. 195 00:11:37,455 --> 00:11:39,523 Right, what I've done now is I've taken... yes... 196 00:11:39,524 --> 00:11:41,858 I've taken the steering wheel off, 197 00:11:41,859 --> 00:11:44,997 so I can't put it in gear to stop it rolling away. 198 00:11:45,998 --> 00:11:48,599 Oh, God. 199 00:11:48,600 --> 00:11:50,734 Agh. 200 00:11:50,735 --> 00:11:52,670 Argh, argh... 201 00:11:56,141 --> 00:11:58,442 When I'd finally got it to stop, 202 00:11:58,443 --> 00:12:03,280 the jacks were deployed and the mechanics set to work. 203 00:12:03,281 --> 00:12:05,816 That's the thing about the Vulcan. 204 00:12:05,817 --> 00:12:08,585 Wing angle, roll bar, suspension, brakes. 205 00:12:08,586 --> 00:12:14,025 Everything can be adjusted to suit your personal taste. 206 00:12:14,026 --> 00:12:17,294 After ten minutes of pretending I knew what they were doing, 207 00:12:17,295 --> 00:12:19,564 I was back on the track. 208 00:12:23,068 --> 00:12:28,173 And the car felt... just as bonkers as it had done before. 209 00:12:29,907 --> 00:12:33,445 However, I've changed. 210 00:12:34,946 --> 00:12:37,581 I've been driving this thing now, 211 00:12:37,582 --> 00:12:39,483 I don't know, three or four hours, 212 00:12:39,484 --> 00:12:42,519 and I'm starting to... understand it. 213 00:12:42,520 --> 00:12:44,322 I'm starting to get used to it. 214 00:12:45,823 --> 00:12:48,060 I'm starting to trust it. 215 00:12:49,127 --> 00:12:52,263 Now I'm starting to understand... 216 00:12:52,264 --> 00:12:54,131 why the Vulcan can go round 217 00:12:54,132 --> 00:12:57,468 the Nardo handling circuit in southern Italy 218 00:12:57,469 --> 00:13:03,074 nine seconds faster than the McLaren P1. 219 00:13:03,075 --> 00:13:07,645 Nine seconds in car time, that's a year! 220 00:13:13,151 --> 00:13:15,119 You get phenomenal mechanical grip 221 00:13:15,120 --> 00:13:17,088 in the low-speed corners, 222 00:13:17,089 --> 00:13:18,855 and then, on the Isn't Straight, 223 00:13:18,856 --> 00:13:21,425 you've got a ton-and-a-half of downforce, 224 00:13:21,426 --> 00:13:23,561 thanks to its aerodynamics. 225 00:13:26,598 --> 00:13:31,302 Then you have the power from the engine, 226 00:13:31,303 --> 00:13:35,106 which feels, well, old-fashioned. 227 00:13:35,107 --> 00:13:36,640 Proper. 228 00:13:36,641 --> 00:13:39,876 I'm surprised it doesn't have carburettors. 229 00:13:39,877 --> 00:13:43,615 I love this thing very much. 230 00:13:48,153 --> 00:13:49,886 And what I love most of all 231 00:13:49,887 --> 00:13:52,022 is that it's not a test bed. 232 00:13:52,023 --> 00:13:56,127 It's not an example of what cars will be like in the future. 233 00:13:56,128 --> 00:14:00,365 It's a celebration of what they were like in the past. 234 00:14:01,433 --> 00:14:04,135 What it is... 235 00:14:04,136 --> 00:14:06,304 is old time rock'n'roll. 236 00:14:11,143 --> 00:14:13,444 - [CHEERING] - Thank you, thank you. 237 00:14:13,445 --> 00:14:15,647 Thank you very much. 238 00:14:18,783 --> 00:14:20,617 - So... - What? 239 00:14:20,618 --> 00:14:22,886 I get the impression you quite liked the car. 240 00:14:22,887 --> 00:14:24,655 Oh, it's unbelievable. 241 00:14:24,656 --> 00:14:26,723 What I loved most of all is they've made it out of bits 242 00:14:26,724 --> 00:14:28,825 that they already had lying around in the factory. 243 00:14:28,826 --> 00:14:30,327 It's like you going home 244 00:14:30,328 --> 00:14:32,163 after your tripto South Africa, opening the fridge, 245 00:14:32,164 --> 00:14:33,497 and using what's there 246 00:14:33,498 --> 00:14:35,432 to make a delicious shepherd's pie. 247 00:14:35,433 --> 00:14:38,169 What, some stale milk and an old piece of cheese? 248 00:14:38,170 --> 00:14:39,570 [LAUGHTER] 249 00:14:39,571 --> 00:14:42,206 - And it costs £1.8 million? - Yes. 250 00:14:42,207 --> 00:14:43,840 How much is that, Jeremy, in rand? 251 00:14:43,841 --> 00:14:46,177 Ten hundred and 30 million and a million. 252 00:14:46,178 --> 00:14:47,544 [LAUGHTER] 253 00:14:47,545 --> 00:14:52,048 But for that it does 0-60 in 2.9 seconds? 254 00:14:52,049 --> 00:14:56,187 So it's nearly as fast as an Aventador or a Caterham R600, 255 00:14:56,188 --> 00:14:57,721 or an Ariel Atom V8, 256 00:14:57,722 --> 00:15:00,191 but much more expensive! 257 00:15:00,192 --> 00:15:02,359 And not road legal. 258 00:15:02,360 --> 00:15:05,061 Yes. Thank you very much for relieving yourself all over my enthusiasm. 259 00:15:05,062 --> 00:15:06,497 - You're welcome. - [LAUGHTER] 260 00:15:06,498 --> 00:15:08,332 It is a brilliant, brilliant car. 261 00:15:08,333 --> 00:15:10,201 And only one question now remains. 262 00:15:10,202 --> 00:15:12,936 How fast will it go round our track 263 00:15:12,937 --> 00:15:14,838 in the hands of a man 264 00:15:14,839 --> 00:15:19,276 who thinks that everything British is basically communist? 265 00:15:19,277 --> 00:15:21,044 Here he is. 266 00:15:21,045 --> 00:15:24,348 Looking a bit confused. 267 00:15:24,349 --> 00:15:28,485 All right, folks, let's see what this bag of bolts will do. 268 00:15:28,486 --> 00:15:33,357 JEREMY: And he's off, and immediately on to the Isn't Straight. 269 00:15:33,358 --> 00:15:35,992 First corner coming up. 270 00:15:35,993 --> 00:15:39,296 And he's flat through there. That is ballsy. 271 00:15:39,297 --> 00:15:41,932 Changing down, though, for the second corner 272 00:15:41,933 --> 00:15:43,334 on the Isn't Straight, 273 00:15:43,335 --> 00:15:44,901 but now he can use full power. 274 00:15:44,902 --> 00:15:46,803 800 brake horsepower? 275 00:15:46,804 --> 00:15:49,240 Are you kiddin' me? 276 00:15:49,241 --> 00:15:53,810 JEREMY: Now, hard on the brakes for Your Name Here. 277 00:15:53,811 --> 00:15:56,112 He has got to be impressed with this. 278 00:15:56,113 --> 00:16:01,418 For about $50,000, I could get one of my old trucks NASCAR style. 279 00:16:01,419 --> 00:16:03,655 It's got 800 brake horsepower. 280 00:16:05,357 --> 00:16:06,823 Go deer hunting, 281 00:16:06,824 --> 00:16:09,025 you got room for a couple deer in the back. 282 00:16:09,026 --> 00:16:11,662 I don't think you can put no deer in this thing. 283 00:16:11,663 --> 00:16:13,330 JEREMY: Plenty of deer to run over, though, 284 00:16:13,331 --> 00:16:15,799 back on the Isn't Straight. 285 00:16:15,800 --> 00:16:18,435 James Bond drives one of these. 286 00:16:18,436 --> 00:16:21,672 Shit. Vin Diesel would whip his ass. 287 00:16:21,673 --> 00:16:24,708 JEREMY: Yes, I'm sure he would, but down into first. 288 00:16:24,709 --> 00:16:27,878 - [TYRES SQUEAL] - I don't know about this thing. 289 00:16:27,879 --> 00:16:30,282 It's like a red-headed stepchild I'm talkin'. 290 00:16:31,816 --> 00:16:34,150 Be damn ugly. 291 00:16:34,151 --> 00:16:37,187 JEREMY: Not sure he's fully concentrating past Old Lady's House. 292 00:16:37,188 --> 00:16:40,491 But he is flat out towards Substation. It is bumpy here. 293 00:16:40,492 --> 00:16:44,127 And there's new Tarmac on the apex. Will it kick the tail out? 294 00:16:44,128 --> 00:16:46,497 Yes, it does indeed. He's OK. 295 00:16:46,498 --> 00:16:48,699 Into Field of Sheep. No sheep today. 296 00:16:48,700 --> 00:16:50,200 And he's across the line. 297 00:16:50,201 --> 00:16:51,736 [CHEERING] 298 00:16:53,338 --> 00:16:55,406 Hell of a track, though. 299 00:16:55,407 --> 00:16:57,774 - It is a hell of a track. - Big car. 300 00:16:57,775 --> 00:17:00,944 Anyway, we must now bring up the lap board 301 00:17:00,945 --> 00:17:04,915 and find out how fast the American got round in the Vulcan. 302 00:17:04,916 --> 00:17:07,418 Let's have a look. Ooh, it's quick. 303 00:17:07,419 --> 00:17:10,220 RICHARD: Oh, hello. Hello. 304 00:17:10,221 --> 00:17:11,723 [CHEERING] 305 00:17:14,692 --> 00:17:18,662 There you go, see? Old time rock'n'roll. 306 00:17:18,663 --> 00:17:22,799 Old time rock'n'roll has beaten rap and techno. 307 00:17:22,800 --> 00:17:24,901 - And R and B. - [LAUGHTER] 308 00:17:24,902 --> 00:17:26,703 - And is now at the top. - Very good. 309 00:17:26,704 --> 00:17:29,340 Well done, and thank you. Now we must move on. 310 00:17:29,341 --> 00:17:34,545 It's time for us to take a gentle stroll down Conversation Street. 311 00:17:34,546 --> 00:17:36,614 [MOODY JAZZ SAXOPHONE] 312 00:17:39,784 --> 00:17:41,818 Right, sticking with Aston Martin, 313 00:17:41,819 --> 00:17:45,389 they've teamed up with Red Bull Racing to create this. 314 00:17:45,390 --> 00:17:48,158 It's called the 001. 315 00:17:48,159 --> 00:17:53,364 It has a V12, no turbos, none of that sort of hybrid witchcraft. 316 00:17:53,365 --> 00:17:56,400 Yet it produces 900 horsepower 317 00:17:56,401 --> 00:18:00,437 in a car that only weighs 900 kilos. 318 00:18:00,438 --> 00:18:03,039 - [AUDIENCE MURMURS] - Staggering. 319 00:18:03,040 --> 00:18:05,208 Well, more than staggering, that is a magic figure, 320 00:18:05,209 --> 00:18:07,978 cos that means it has one horsepower per kilogram. 321 00:18:07,979 --> 00:18:10,180 And no other car gets close to that. 322 00:18:10,181 --> 00:18:14,117 Not remotely. The Vulcan's barely half that. It's staggering. 323 00:18:14,118 --> 00:18:17,588 The only problem I have with this... and you just have to look at it. 324 00:18:17,589 --> 00:18:19,890 Another angle we've got here. Look at that. 325 00:18:19,891 --> 00:18:23,293 You know that car is gonna be all about aerodynamics 326 00:18:23,294 --> 00:18:25,562 and particularly downforce. 327 00:18:25,563 --> 00:18:26,863 And I hate downforce. 328 00:18:26,864 --> 00:18:29,032 What do you mean, you hate downforce? 329 00:18:29,033 --> 00:18:33,404 Because they tell you you can go round a 90-degree bend at 100mph 330 00:18:33,405 --> 00:18:36,006 because of the weight of the air pressing down on the body. 331 00:18:36,007 --> 00:18:38,274 It's like having an invisible elephant. 332 00:18:38,275 --> 00:18:41,211 - [LAUGHTER] - What if the elephant falls off? 333 00:18:41,212 --> 00:18:42,813 [LAUGHTER] 334 00:18:42,814 --> 00:18:44,548 It's not a real elephant! It can't fall off! 335 00:18:44,549 --> 00:18:46,683 But how can you trust something you don't see? 336 00:18:46,684 --> 00:18:50,687 Wait. No, I'm with him because what if you drove through a sudden vacuum? 337 00:18:50,688 --> 00:18:53,424 Well, that's not gonna happen either, is it? 338 00:18:53,425 --> 00:18:55,426 Hammond, listen. There has to be a speed 339 00:18:55,427 --> 00:18:57,227 in a car with active downforce, like that one, 340 00:18:57,228 --> 00:19:00,797 where you go round a corner too fast for the tyres, 341 00:19:00,798 --> 00:19:02,466 too fast for the mechanical grip, 342 00:19:02,467 --> 00:19:05,569 but not fast enough for the downforce to be working. 343 00:19:05,570 --> 00:19:07,137 So you'd have to say to the police, 344 00:19:07,138 --> 00:19:10,206 "I crashed because I wasn't going fast enough." 345 00:19:10,207 --> 00:19:11,608 - It's true. - Potentially. 346 00:19:11,609 --> 00:19:13,176 There's another point, actually, 347 00:19:13,177 --> 00:19:15,011 the handling is gonna depend on the weather. 348 00:19:15,012 --> 00:19:17,914 If it's a really hot day, the air will be thinner. 349 00:19:17,915 --> 00:19:20,951 - No, thicker. - No, it's thinner on a hot day. 350 00:19:20,952 --> 00:19:22,953 See, I'd be messed up already cos I'd have the wrong... 351 00:19:22,954 --> 00:19:24,788 That's the point. You got a really hot day, 352 00:19:24,789 --> 00:19:26,590 and you don't really want to be driving a car 353 00:19:26,591 --> 00:19:28,124 where whether or not you get round a corner 354 00:19:28,125 --> 00:19:30,226 depends on whether or not the sun's out. 355 00:19:30,227 --> 00:19:33,897 So you now want weather forecasts to include cornering speeds? 356 00:19:33,898 --> 00:19:35,966 It's not just weather. Altitude. 357 00:19:35,967 --> 00:19:38,669 You could drive that car round a corner at 100mph 358 00:19:38,670 --> 00:19:40,704 in Holland, sea level, 359 00:19:40,705 --> 00:19:42,506 but, what are we here, 6,000 feet up? 360 00:19:42,507 --> 00:19:44,007 6,000 feet up here. 361 00:19:44,008 --> 00:19:46,309 You'd barely be able to get round at three mph. 362 00:19:46,310 --> 00:19:48,812 You'd crash it into a tree, or a visible elephant. 363 00:19:48,813 --> 00:19:51,482 - [LAUGHTER] - They are real. 364 00:19:51,483 --> 00:19:54,350 Exactly. I just... Honestly, downforce... 365 00:19:54,351 --> 00:19:56,987 I don't like having to trust something you can't see. 366 00:19:56,988 --> 00:20:00,190 - It's like North Korea. - [LAUGHTER] 367 00:20:00,191 --> 00:20:03,160 - Or the contraceptive pill. - [LAUGHTER] 368 00:20:05,597 --> 00:20:07,397 - That was an overshare. - [LAUGHTER] 369 00:20:07,398 --> 00:20:10,967 There's actually another hyper car I want to draw your attention to. 370 00:20:10,968 --> 00:20:13,403 - Replacement for the Veyron. - AUDIENCE: Oooh! 371 00:20:13,404 --> 00:20:15,238 That is the Bugatti Chiron. 372 00:20:15,239 --> 00:20:19,109 It's got a quad turbo 8-litre W16 engine, 373 00:20:19,110 --> 00:20:23,013 which every minute inhales 13,000 gallons of air. 374 00:20:23,014 --> 00:20:25,281 - Just imagine. - It's unbelievable. 375 00:20:25,282 --> 00:20:27,217 1,500 horsepower. 376 00:20:27,218 --> 00:20:31,655 And the top speed is limited to 261 mph. 377 00:20:31,656 --> 00:20:35,559 They say it would do 288 but that would be irresponsible on the road. 378 00:20:35,560 --> 00:20:37,494 [LAUGHTER] 379 00:20:37,495 --> 00:20:40,531 It's got diamonds in the speakers for better sound quality. 380 00:20:40,532 --> 00:20:42,566 Of course it has, yeah. 381 00:20:42,567 --> 00:20:48,171 Oh, you'll like this. At top speed, the force on each tyre is 3,800G. 382 00:20:48,172 --> 00:20:49,673 A man dies at 9G. 383 00:20:49,674 --> 00:20:51,875 If you drive the Chiron flat out 384 00:20:51,876 --> 00:20:54,310 it'll drain its tank in nine minutes. 385 00:20:54,311 --> 00:20:55,846 [AUDIENCE EXCLAIMS] 386 00:20:55,847 --> 00:20:57,948 - Nine minutes? - [LAUGHTER] 387 00:20:57,949 --> 00:21:00,416 Hang on a minute. 261mph at nine minutes. 388 00:21:00,417 --> 00:21:03,820 That means you'd have to fill up with fuel every 39 miles. 389 00:21:03,821 --> 00:21:07,558 Well, less... you can't drive until you run out, you'd have to look for a petrol station. 390 00:21:07,559 --> 00:21:10,360 Yes, James, it really isn't a practical car, is it? 391 00:21:10,361 --> 00:21:11,662 [LAUGHTER] 392 00:21:11,663 --> 00:21:13,897 Gonna give you the most amazing stat, though. 393 00:21:13,898 --> 00:21:15,999 It's about the people who are buying this car. 394 00:21:16,000 --> 00:21:17,968 They've got 200 orders so far. 395 00:21:17,969 --> 00:21:20,136 And the average person who's ordered one 396 00:21:20,137 --> 00:21:26,910 already has 64 cars, three helicopters, three jets and one yacht. 397 00:21:26,911 --> 00:21:28,411 Zuma. 398 00:21:28,412 --> 00:21:30,214 [LAUGHTER] 399 00:21:33,618 --> 00:21:37,253 I reckon he's got one already. 400 00:21:37,254 --> 00:21:39,723 Didn't say that. He didn't say that. 401 00:21:39,724 --> 00:21:42,358 Shall we move it on? 402 00:21:42,359 --> 00:21:47,063 In South Africa, there are 35 carjackings every day. 403 00:21:47,064 --> 00:21:49,132 - Every day? - Every day. 404 00:21:49,133 --> 00:21:52,035 I've got to say, well done, that's an amazing figure. 405 00:21:52,036 --> 00:21:55,606 I can't believe it. How have you got time to come here? 406 00:21:55,607 --> 00:21:57,307 Cos you've got stuff to do. 407 00:21:57,308 --> 00:21:59,743 They've all come here in someone else's car. 408 00:21:59,744 --> 00:22:01,612 - [LAUGHTER] - So you've already done it? 409 00:22:01,613 --> 00:22:04,615 But what they don't realise is they're all walking home. 410 00:22:04,616 --> 00:22:06,216 I've done a bit of research. 411 00:22:06,217 --> 00:22:09,986 The most commonly jacked cars, carjacked cars, 412 00:22:09,987 --> 00:22:14,357 are the VW Polo, the Toyota Hiace and the Toyota Hilux. 413 00:22:14,358 --> 00:22:16,159 But they're the best-selling cars in South Africa. 414 00:22:16,160 --> 00:22:19,329 Exactly. The VW Polo is the best-selling car in South Africa. 415 00:22:19,330 --> 00:22:20,931 So why would you buy a car 416 00:22:20,932 --> 00:22:24,167 which increases your chance of being shot in the head and your car being stolen? 417 00:22:24,168 --> 00:22:28,104 Why not buy a car that nobody would want to steal? 418 00:22:28,105 --> 00:22:32,643 No, cos if I lived here, I'd get something like a beige Volvo Estate. 419 00:22:32,644 --> 00:22:35,378 - That's just a car you want! - [LAUGHTER] 420 00:22:35,379 --> 00:22:38,014 You're using it as an excuse to get your dream car. 421 00:22:38,015 --> 00:22:39,449 [LAUGHTER] 422 00:22:39,450 --> 00:22:41,718 Look, Hammond, I've explained it to you before. 423 00:22:41,719 --> 00:22:45,055 Having a Volvo Estate is a bit like needing to go to the dentist. 424 00:22:45,056 --> 00:22:47,958 It's gonna happen. Get it over with. Just do it. 425 00:22:47,959 --> 00:22:49,993 I don't want to get it over with. 426 00:22:49,994 --> 00:22:51,662 That's like going to the dentist and saying, 427 00:22:51,663 --> 00:22:53,964 "Take all my teeth out cos they're gonna fall out." 428 00:22:53,965 --> 00:22:56,700 At the barber's: "Just pull it all out, it'll fall out anyway." 429 00:22:56,701 --> 00:23:01,404 The doctor: "Stop me being able to retain my urine. It's gonna happen, too." 430 00:23:01,405 --> 00:23:04,675 I'm gonna bury myself and get it all over with once and for all. 431 00:23:04,676 --> 00:23:06,509 He has got a point, seriously. 432 00:23:06,510 --> 00:23:08,979 Let's enjoy it before we have to have the Volvo. 433 00:23:08,980 --> 00:23:12,949 But why do you all buy cars that you're going to get carjacked in? 434 00:23:12,950 --> 00:23:15,085 Has anyone got a Volkswagen Polo here? 435 00:23:15,086 --> 00:23:19,022 You have? Did you buy that for yourself? 436 00:23:19,023 --> 00:23:21,091 - My dad bought it for me. - Your dad bought it? 437 00:23:21,092 --> 00:23:24,127 - [LAUGHTER] - Wow! Oh, nice gift! 438 00:23:24,128 --> 00:23:26,429 What sort of madness is this? 439 00:23:26,430 --> 00:23:29,700 Has anyone got a Toyota Hilux? 440 00:23:29,701 --> 00:23:31,702 Yeah. This is insanity. 441 00:23:31,703 --> 00:23:34,070 - Is it yours? - [LAUGHTER] 442 00:23:34,071 --> 00:23:36,773 What did you start out with this morning? 443 00:23:36,774 --> 00:23:38,408 - [LAUGHTER] - It's unbelievable. 444 00:23:38,409 --> 00:23:40,310 Anyway, listen, we gotta move it on. 445 00:23:40,311 --> 00:23:42,512 Because, here in South Africa, 446 00:23:42,513 --> 00:23:45,015 people have an interesting approach to preventing car theft. 447 00:23:45,016 --> 00:23:46,983 Got a picture here of one man's solution. 448 00:23:46,984 --> 00:23:48,819 RICHARD: That's a python. 449 00:23:48,820 --> 00:23:50,987 Now there's no question it's gonna work. 450 00:23:50,988 --> 00:23:54,224 I would not steal a car that had that on the dashboard. 451 00:23:54,225 --> 00:23:56,559 However, a python's not like a burglar alarm. 452 00:23:56,560 --> 00:23:58,528 You can't turn it off. 453 00:23:58,529 --> 00:24:00,931 When you come back to your car, how do you say to the snake, 454 00:24:00,932 --> 00:24:02,632 "It's my car, don't strangle me." 455 00:24:02,633 --> 00:24:04,267 - [LAUGHTER] - You can't. 456 00:24:04,268 --> 00:24:06,302 I'm pretty sure you can't train a python, can you? 457 00:24:06,303 --> 00:24:08,571 You can't. That's why you never see sheep snakes 458 00:24:08,572 --> 00:24:10,741 or guide snakes for the blind. 459 00:24:10,742 --> 00:24:12,275 - [LAUGHTER] - It'll never happen. 460 00:24:12,276 --> 00:24:14,377 I have to say, 461 00:24:14,378 --> 00:24:16,747 in England, we've got an even more stupid solution. 462 00:24:16,748 --> 00:24:19,515 This chap's come up with an idea called "Bike Mine". 463 00:24:19,516 --> 00:24:23,186 I've got a video of him here explaining how it works. 464 00:24:23,187 --> 00:24:26,857 It can be attached quickly to protect almost any personal possession 465 00:24:26,858 --> 00:24:28,925 you store outside or in a garage or shed. 466 00:24:28,926 --> 00:24:32,595 Its robust steel construction is covered in a rubber skin 467 00:24:32,596 --> 00:24:34,464 to protect your property. 468 00:24:34,465 --> 00:24:37,100 Bike Mine is safe because the detonators are self-contained... 469 00:24:37,101 --> 00:24:39,936 as well as legal to own and use. 470 00:24:39,937 --> 00:24:43,106 Bike Mine is reliable because there are no batteries to run down 471 00:24:43,107 --> 00:24:45,776 and only one moving part. 472 00:24:45,777 --> 00:24:47,912 - [SMALL EXPLOSION] - [LAUGHTER] 473 00:24:51,783 --> 00:24:54,785 It's not gonna work. 474 00:24:54,786 --> 00:24:56,552 What I can't understand is, 475 00:24:56,553 --> 00:24:59,089 he said it can also protect any other personal property you may have. 476 00:24:59,090 --> 00:25:01,257 - What, like a Ming vase? - [LAUGHTER] 477 00:25:01,258 --> 00:25:04,828 "Are you worried about your child being kidnapped? 478 00:25:04,829 --> 00:25:06,830 Simply hang this bomb round their neck." 479 00:25:06,831 --> 00:25:08,331 [LAUGHTER] 480 00:25:08,332 --> 00:25:11,101 So, moving on, to Jordan, weirdly, 481 00:25:11,102 --> 00:25:14,004 where the government has just built a mock town, 482 00:25:14,005 --> 00:25:16,306 so that special forces from all over the world 483 00:25:16,307 --> 00:25:18,708 can turn up and have a competition 484 00:25:18,709 --> 00:25:20,877 to see which one is best. 485 00:25:20,878 --> 00:25:23,179 Yes, and this year, Mr Wilman, 486 00:25:23,180 --> 00:25:26,449 who is the Fat Man who controls our lives, 487 00:25:26,450 --> 00:25:28,351 decided that us three should go and take part. 488 00:25:28,352 --> 00:25:30,353 Obviously there'd be a lot of shooting, 489 00:25:30,354 --> 00:25:32,288 running about and doing somersaults. 490 00:25:32,289 --> 00:25:34,357 None of which we'd be any good at. 491 00:25:34,358 --> 00:25:37,994 No, but, the SAS, the world's first special forces unit, 492 00:25:37,995 --> 00:25:40,363 was created to be fast, 493 00:25:40,364 --> 00:25:42,265 to get into the battle quickly and then get out again. 494 00:25:42,266 --> 00:25:45,869 So there would also be a lot of high-speed driving. 495 00:25:45,870 --> 00:25:47,503 - Erm... - Yes, I know. 496 00:25:47,504 --> 00:25:49,906 That is a bit of a problem. We'll gloss over that. 497 00:25:49,907 --> 00:25:53,510 Anyway, we were sent out there and this is what happened. 498 00:26:10,094 --> 00:26:11,862 JEREMY: This is it. 499 00:26:11,863 --> 00:26:14,965 The special forces training base deep inside Amman. 500 00:26:14,966 --> 00:26:18,101 The city, obviously, not... not... 501 00:26:18,102 --> 00:26:22,338 Anyway, arriving now to demonstrate what we'd have to do later, 502 00:26:22,339 --> 00:26:25,675 a squad of special forces soldiers. 503 00:26:25,676 --> 00:26:29,012 They exfoliated from a Black Hawk helicopter on ropes 504 00:26:29,013 --> 00:26:33,649 and then fought their way through a terrorist-infested building. 505 00:26:33,650 --> 00:26:35,586 [GUNFIRE] 506 00:26:39,223 --> 00:26:41,624 Their next task was to steal a car, 507 00:26:41,625 --> 00:26:45,496 which they used to reach a hijacked airliner. 508 00:26:47,798 --> 00:26:51,367 Here they stormed the cabin, killed the bad guys... 509 00:26:51,368 --> 00:26:52,970 [GUNFIRE] 510 00:26:53,905 --> 00:26:55,572 and rescued a VIP. 511 00:26:58,075 --> 00:27:02,378 There was then a high-speed car chase and a running gun battle, 512 00:27:02,379 --> 00:27:04,547 as they escorted the rescued hostage 513 00:27:04,548 --> 00:27:07,084 to the safety of a nearby embassy. 514 00:27:09,053 --> 00:27:10,988 [GUNFIRE] 515 00:27:13,024 --> 00:27:15,058 JAMES: That was quite impressive. 516 00:27:15,059 --> 00:27:16,592 Well, it's not like they were 517 00:27:16,593 --> 00:27:18,061 - using real bullets. - Yes, they were. 518 00:27:18,062 --> 00:27:19,930 - They were not. - They were! 519 00:27:19,931 --> 00:27:21,831 Are you saying that on this, 520 00:27:21,832 --> 00:27:24,700 let's be honest, training ground, 521 00:27:24,701 --> 00:27:28,038 people are allowed to run around with real bullets in these guns? 522 00:27:28,039 --> 00:27:29,472 - Yes. - Rubbish. 523 00:27:29,473 --> 00:27:32,475 [RAPID GUNFIRE] 524 00:27:32,476 --> 00:27:36,212 And there you are. Real bullets. 525 00:27:36,213 --> 00:27:38,314 And I managed to shoot myself. 526 00:27:38,315 --> 00:27:40,616 - Oh, yeah. - How did you do that? 527 00:27:40,617 --> 00:27:42,185 Well, because, on an assault rifle, 528 00:27:42,186 --> 00:27:44,154 the bullets come out this side 529 00:27:44,155 --> 00:27:47,290 and I'm a left-handed shot, so they just go up my arm, the casings. 530 00:27:47,291 --> 00:27:49,459 You're gonna be rubbish at this. 531 00:27:49,460 --> 00:27:52,228 Well, I'm not going to be able to use an assault rifle. 532 00:27:52,229 --> 00:27:54,530 I'm not gonna be able to storm that airliner. 533 00:27:54,531 --> 00:27:57,168 I'm not gonna be able to get out of the helicopter. 534 00:27:58,802 --> 00:28:01,371 JEREMY: Fearing that things may not go well, 535 00:28:01,372 --> 00:28:03,739 we were told to go and get ready. 536 00:28:03,740 --> 00:28:07,344 And even that was fraught with difficulty. 537 00:28:10,281 --> 00:28:12,515 Why are you wearing white? 538 00:28:12,516 --> 00:28:14,417 Snow camouflage. 539 00:28:14,418 --> 00:28:17,988 It has never, ever snowed in Jordan. 540 00:28:17,989 --> 00:28:19,522 I didn't know where Jordan was. 541 00:28:19,523 --> 00:28:21,557 You're gonna be quite visible. 542 00:28:21,558 --> 00:28:23,026 [TEXT ALERT] 543 00:28:23,027 --> 00:28:24,794 At this point, we received details 544 00:28:24,795 --> 00:28:27,998 of our mission from our boss, Mr Wilman. 545 00:28:27,999 --> 00:28:30,533 "Each time one of you is killed, 546 00:28:30,534 --> 00:28:33,004 you all have to begin again." 547 00:28:34,338 --> 00:28:36,806 So it's like that Tom Cruise movie. 548 00:28:36,807 --> 00:28:38,241 What, Cocktail? 549 00:28:38,242 --> 00:28:41,411 No, not Cocktail. Or Rain Man. 550 00:28:41,412 --> 00:28:43,614 This is gonna take forever. 551 00:28:51,455 --> 00:28:55,025 JEREMY: Nevertheless, we were soon in the helicopter 552 00:28:55,026 --> 00:28:58,495 on our way to the start of this important rescue mission. 553 00:29:00,031 --> 00:29:02,032 Let's just get this straight. 554 00:29:02,033 --> 00:29:04,100 When we get over the building, 555 00:29:04,101 --> 00:29:06,036 we leap out of the door 556 00:29:06,037 --> 00:29:08,238 and grab the rope and slide down it? 557 00:29:08,239 --> 00:29:10,940 Pretty much, yeah, that's it. That's how it goes. 558 00:29:10,941 --> 00:29:12,642 You could be leader. 559 00:29:12,643 --> 00:29:15,945 Get out there, show us how it's done, we will follow. 560 00:29:15,946 --> 00:29:17,580 I don't want to. 561 00:29:17,581 --> 00:29:20,416 I've never climbed a rope or gone down one in my life. 562 00:29:20,417 --> 00:29:22,052 Well, what a time. Get on with it. 563 00:29:22,053 --> 00:29:24,320 Why don't you go first? 564 00:29:24,321 --> 00:29:26,089 I can't do that. I'm scared of heights. 565 00:29:26,090 --> 00:29:28,158 Lead by example. 566 00:29:28,159 --> 00:29:31,262 - Be an inspiration to your men. - Yeah, exactly. 567 00:29:32,129 --> 00:29:34,064 How high will it be? 568 00:29:34,065 --> 00:29:36,966 - 30 feet? - Yeah. You'll be fine. 569 00:29:36,967 --> 00:29:39,969 What happens if you fell 30 feet? 570 00:29:39,970 --> 00:29:41,471 Would you be going home with a head wand? 571 00:29:41,472 --> 00:29:43,239 You'd be going home in this helicopter 572 00:29:43,240 --> 00:29:44,540 but not in that seat. 573 00:29:44,541 --> 00:29:46,377 You'd be in a bucket in the corner. 574 00:29:55,086 --> 00:29:58,289 OK, here it comes. Let's do this! 575 00:30:00,824 --> 00:30:02,159 [BUZZER] 576 00:30:04,095 --> 00:30:07,663 Whoa! Jesus Christ! Stop! 577 00:30:07,664 --> 00:30:09,099 Oh, shit. 578 00:30:09,100 --> 00:30:10,566 I'm very scared. 579 00:30:10,567 --> 00:30:12,135 Mate, that's not the attitude. 580 00:30:12,136 --> 00:30:13,903 - Go on, then! - Don't like it! 581 00:30:13,904 --> 00:30:15,705 - Go down the rope! - Don't want to do it. 582 00:30:15,706 --> 00:30:17,607 - Loosen your hands a bit. - I don't want to. 583 00:30:17,608 --> 00:30:19,642 Do you want me to tickle you on your belly? 584 00:30:19,643 --> 00:30:21,578 - No. - Well, go on, then! 585 00:30:27,518 --> 00:30:29,319 - Hammond! - Yeah? 586 00:30:29,320 --> 00:30:30,821 My trousers have fallen down. 587 00:30:32,656 --> 00:30:36,260 RICHARD: Ladies and gentlemen, Chuck Norris. 588 00:30:37,761 --> 00:30:40,363 Oh, no, no. 589 00:30:40,364 --> 00:30:43,666 Oh, yes. Have you ever 590 00:30:43,667 --> 00:30:46,636 in your whole life seen anything... 591 00:30:46,637 --> 00:30:47,838 Aaagh! 592 00:30:53,577 --> 00:30:56,212 I know I made that rope thing look a bit difficult, 593 00:30:56,213 --> 00:30:59,282 but actually it's surprisingly easy. 594 00:30:59,283 --> 00:31:01,617 So, why don't you go first? 595 00:31:01,618 --> 00:31:04,387 - I've got a better idea. - What? 596 00:31:04,388 --> 00:31:06,422 Why don't we just land the helicopter? 597 00:31:06,423 --> 00:31:09,293 That is a good idea. Helicopters can land. 598 00:31:24,175 --> 00:31:26,342 [QUIETLY] Stop, stop, stop. Hammond. 599 00:31:26,343 --> 00:31:29,545 Right, listen, you open the door, 600 00:31:29,546 --> 00:31:31,947 and I'll throw this stun grenade in. 601 00:31:31,948 --> 00:31:33,183 Good idea. In three... 602 00:31:33,184 --> 00:31:34,450 No, wait, wait! 603 00:31:34,451 --> 00:31:36,252 I don't know how it works. 604 00:31:36,253 --> 00:31:37,853 Oh, for God's sake. 605 00:31:37,854 --> 00:31:39,856 [MUTTERS TO HIMSELF] 606 00:31:41,225 --> 00:31:43,526 Right. You ready, Hammond? 607 00:31:43,527 --> 00:31:45,595 - BOTH: Go! - [GRENADE THUDS] 608 00:31:45,596 --> 00:31:47,062 [EXPLOSION] 609 00:31:47,063 --> 00:31:48,664 Come on! 610 00:31:48,665 --> 00:31:51,901 [RAPID GUNFIRE, JEREMY GROANS] 611 00:31:51,902 --> 00:31:53,936 RICHARD: I thought you said it was a stun grenade? 612 00:31:53,937 --> 00:31:56,572 JEREMY: I meant smoke. 613 00:31:56,573 --> 00:31:58,274 JAMES: I can't see a thing! 614 00:31:58,275 --> 00:32:00,443 - [ALL COUGH] - Literally nothing. 615 00:32:00,444 --> 00:32:02,912 JEREMY: When the smoke finally cleared, 616 00:32:02,913 --> 00:32:04,415 we started our sweep. 617 00:32:06,116 --> 00:32:07,918 Ssh. Quiet. 618 00:32:17,328 --> 00:32:19,395 Dog. Dog. 619 00:32:19,396 --> 00:32:23,233 No! It means door. There's a door! 620 00:32:23,234 --> 00:32:25,568 There's a door. 621 00:32:25,569 --> 00:32:27,370 It's not a bloody football, is it? 622 00:32:27,371 --> 00:32:29,906 - Kick it. - You put your foot flat. 623 00:32:31,342 --> 00:32:33,244 That's how you do it. 624 00:32:34,278 --> 00:32:36,247 - Nobody there. - It's empty. 625 00:32:42,286 --> 00:32:44,987 Nobody there. 626 00:32:44,988 --> 00:32:47,824 JEREMY: Soon, though, they were there. 627 00:32:50,994 --> 00:32:52,263 [RAPID GUNFIRE] 628 00:32:56,933 --> 00:32:59,335 [QUIETLY] We are trapped in this room. 629 00:32:59,336 --> 00:33:01,637 Well, why don't we just go out of the window? 630 00:33:01,638 --> 00:33:03,406 We could go out of the window. 631 00:33:03,407 --> 00:33:05,875 Yeah, we could do that. Cover us. 632 00:33:05,876 --> 00:33:08,878 Yeah, I'll cover you. 633 00:33:08,879 --> 00:33:11,781 RICHARD: As Jeremy laid down covering fire... 634 00:33:11,782 --> 00:33:13,015 [GUNFIRE] 635 00:33:13,016 --> 00:33:15,351 ...May and I climbed out of the window. 636 00:33:15,352 --> 00:33:17,887 But then, there was a problem. 637 00:33:17,888 --> 00:33:20,122 [STRAINING AND GRUNTING] 638 00:33:20,123 --> 00:33:22,124 [GRUNTS] 639 00:33:22,125 --> 00:33:23,526 I'm stuck. 640 00:33:23,527 --> 00:33:25,696 - Well, push! - Ooh! 641 00:33:27,998 --> 00:33:29,365 What? 642 00:33:29,366 --> 00:33:31,634 [WHISPERS] The terrorists are in the room. 643 00:33:31,635 --> 00:33:33,303 [WHISPERS] How do you know? 644 00:33:33,304 --> 00:33:35,037 They're doing things to me. 645 00:33:35,038 --> 00:33:36,940 Ooh. 646 00:33:38,041 --> 00:33:39,943 Oooh. 647 00:33:41,144 --> 00:33:42,545 This is very uncomfortable. 648 00:33:42,546 --> 00:33:44,314 It's probably cos you're so tense. 649 00:33:44,315 --> 00:33:46,115 Ohh. James! 650 00:33:46,116 --> 00:33:48,017 - What? - Kill me. 651 00:33:48,018 --> 00:33:49,952 Shoot me. 652 00:33:49,953 --> 00:33:51,120 Gladly. 653 00:33:51,121 --> 00:33:52,755 Please hurry up. 654 00:33:52,756 --> 00:33:54,790 - Fully automatic? - Er... 655 00:33:54,791 --> 00:33:56,326 Get on with it! 656 00:33:56,327 --> 00:33:57,993 - Just give him the lot. - In ten... 657 00:33:57,994 --> 00:33:59,429 Not ten! 658 00:33:59,430 --> 00:34:01,196 All right, in... 659 00:34:01,197 --> 00:34:04,767 three, two, one. 660 00:34:04,768 --> 00:34:07,136 [RAPID GUNFIRE] 661 00:34:07,137 --> 00:34:08,638 How did you miss? 662 00:34:08,639 --> 00:34:10,673 It's true what they say about machine guns. 663 00:34:10,674 --> 00:34:12,107 You can't hit a thing with them. 664 00:34:12,108 --> 00:34:14,344 - What? - Just kill me. 665 00:34:14,345 --> 00:34:16,346 We're trying! It's not that easy. 666 00:34:16,347 --> 00:34:17,947 Hang on. I'm out. 667 00:34:17,948 --> 00:34:19,782 - Use the shovel. Hit me with that. - Right. 668 00:34:19,783 --> 00:34:21,351 Do you want to say anything? 669 00:34:21,352 --> 00:34:23,819 Yes. Final words. I hate you. 670 00:34:23,820 --> 00:34:25,688 You know, I've dreamt about exactly this. 671 00:34:25,689 --> 00:34:27,357 - Hurry up! - Incoming! 672 00:34:27,358 --> 00:34:28,592 [CLANGING THUD] 673 00:34:31,762 --> 00:34:34,129 [RAPID GUNFIRE] 674 00:34:34,130 --> 00:34:35,498 We are trapped in this room. 675 00:34:35,499 --> 00:34:37,400 Why don't we go out of the window? 676 00:34:37,401 --> 00:34:39,803 Do you mind if I go through the door? 677 00:34:42,473 --> 00:34:44,073 This is better. 678 00:34:44,074 --> 00:34:47,377 [DRAMATIC MUSIC] 679 00:34:47,378 --> 00:34:51,582 JEREMY: Heroically we fought off all the attackers outside the building. 680 00:34:53,283 --> 00:34:57,454 But then we were pinned down by a sniper. 681 00:35:00,591 --> 00:35:03,926 - James. James. - What? 682 00:35:03,927 --> 00:35:06,128 Go down there and steal that Renault. 683 00:35:06,129 --> 00:35:07,997 Why? 684 00:35:07,998 --> 00:35:10,299 Because this is a car show. We need a motoring element. 685 00:35:10,300 --> 00:35:13,035 - Good point. - Go! 686 00:35:13,036 --> 00:35:16,639 Can you think of anybody on God's green Earth 687 00:35:16,640 --> 00:35:20,142 less able to do this kind of thing than him? 688 00:35:20,143 --> 00:35:21,010 [GUNFIRE] 689 00:35:21,011 --> 00:35:22,912 I mean, he can play the harpsichord 690 00:35:22,913 --> 00:35:25,481 but that's not a skill we're gonna need today. 691 00:35:25,482 --> 00:35:27,216 [GUNSHOT] 692 00:35:27,217 --> 00:35:28,952 And he's been shot. 693 00:35:31,054 --> 00:35:32,622 - James. - What? 694 00:35:32,623 --> 00:35:35,425 - Go and steal that Renault over there. - Why? 695 00:35:35,426 --> 00:35:38,060 Because this is a car show. We need a motoring element. 696 00:35:38,061 --> 00:35:40,530 Good point. 697 00:35:40,531 --> 00:35:44,199 Can you think of anybody on God's green Earth 698 00:35:44,200 --> 00:35:46,836 who's less able to do this sort of thing than him? 699 00:35:46,837 --> 00:35:48,538 [GUNSHOT] 700 00:35:48,539 --> 00:35:51,507 Can you think of anybody on God's green Earth... 701 00:35:51,508 --> 00:35:52,975 [GUNSHOT] 702 00:35:52,976 --> 00:35:56,345 - Can you think of anybody... - [GUNSHOT] 703 00:35:56,346 --> 00:35:58,280 - Can you think... - [GUNSHOT] 704 00:35:58,281 --> 00:36:00,015 James, you can't just keep doing 705 00:36:00,016 --> 00:36:02,151 the same thing over and over again. 706 00:36:02,152 --> 00:36:03,453 Nah, he'll miss eventually. 707 00:36:03,454 --> 00:36:06,522 - Oh, God. - [GUNSHOT] 708 00:36:06,523 --> 00:36:09,459 - Oh, for God's sake. - There it is. 709 00:36:09,460 --> 00:36:13,062 Because Corporal Stubborn wouldn't budge from his tactic, 710 00:36:13,063 --> 00:36:15,898 Richard and I decided that on our next attempt 711 00:36:15,899 --> 00:36:19,102 we'd go into battle with some new equipment. 712 00:36:20,871 --> 00:36:22,839 Go and steal that Renault. 713 00:36:25,576 --> 00:36:27,711 [SCRATCHY RECORDING OF CLASSICAL MUSIC] 714 00:36:30,246 --> 00:36:31,582 [CORK POPS] 715 00:36:41,858 --> 00:36:43,926 [GUNSHOT] 716 00:36:43,927 --> 00:36:46,062 Go and steal that Renault over there. 717 00:36:47,363 --> 00:36:49,733 [MUSIC PLAYS AT HIGHER SPEED] 718 00:36:53,236 --> 00:36:55,037 [CORK POPS] 719 00:36:55,038 --> 00:36:57,007 [PANTING] 720 00:36:58,709 --> 00:37:00,811 - [GUNSHOT] - Ohhh! 721 00:37:01,912 --> 00:37:03,946 [GUNFIRE] 722 00:37:03,947 --> 00:37:06,816 James, go and steal that Renault over there. 723 00:37:06,817 --> 00:37:09,084 - No. - What do you mean, no? 724 00:37:09,085 --> 00:37:12,154 Well, there's a garage over there. It'll have some vehicles in it. 725 00:37:12,155 --> 00:37:13,524 Oh, yeah. 726 00:37:16,593 --> 00:37:18,528 Now we're in a car show. 727 00:37:18,529 --> 00:37:22,898 Right, Jeremy, you go sort that sniper, we'll get these started. 728 00:37:22,899 --> 00:37:24,567 Good plan. 729 00:37:24,568 --> 00:37:27,638 Right, there's no keys. I'll hotwire it. 730 00:37:28,639 --> 00:37:30,106 Oh, there he is. 731 00:37:32,576 --> 00:37:34,644 Say hello to my little friend. 732 00:37:34,645 --> 00:37:36,212 [GUNSHOT] 733 00:37:37,380 --> 00:37:39,381 [WHOOSHING] 734 00:37:39,382 --> 00:37:42,417 Yes! What a shot! 735 00:37:42,418 --> 00:37:43,886 - [THUD] - Ohhh! 736 00:37:43,887 --> 00:37:45,454 I'll never be able to do that again. 737 00:37:45,455 --> 00:37:47,056 - Jeremy! - What? 738 00:37:47,057 --> 00:37:49,559 James has electrocuted himself. 739 00:37:49,560 --> 00:37:50,961 Oh, what a... 740 00:37:54,731 --> 00:37:56,331 Say hello to my little friend. 741 00:37:56,332 --> 00:37:59,602 Right, there are no keys. I'll hotwire it. 742 00:37:59,603 --> 00:38:02,105 Have you not seen every single movie ever made? 743 00:38:07,377 --> 00:38:08,845 [ENGINE STARTS] 744 00:38:14,117 --> 00:38:17,821 There's nowhere to put a gun. That is a bad mark for Audi. 745 00:38:20,591 --> 00:38:24,760 Sport, drive, traction control off. 746 00:38:24,761 --> 00:38:26,062 Here we go! 747 00:38:33,403 --> 00:38:35,606 [ENGINE REVVING] 748 00:38:40,677 --> 00:38:42,946 [CHEERING AND WHISTLING] 749 00:38:44,480 --> 00:38:46,617 Unbelievable. 750 00:38:48,619 --> 00:38:50,720 - Jeremy. - What? 751 00:38:50,721 --> 00:38:53,322 Why did your trousers fall down? 752 00:38:53,323 --> 00:38:55,991 Because there were so many grenades attached to them. 753 00:38:55,992 --> 00:38:57,893 And in the down-draught of the helicopter... 754 00:38:57,894 --> 00:39:01,130 I was very brave doing that. I was. 755 00:39:01,131 --> 00:39:03,999 - I'm sure I saw him crying. - They were tears of bravery. 756 00:39:04,000 --> 00:39:06,368 Oh, that well-known expression. Tears of bravery. 757 00:39:06,369 --> 00:39:09,238 Anyway, look, there's a bit of a trend in South Africa 758 00:39:09,239 --> 00:39:13,008 for making your own car, making a car from scratch. 759 00:39:13,009 --> 00:39:14,944 We've got an example here. 760 00:39:14,945 --> 00:39:17,546 This man's built this one based around the engine 761 00:39:17,547 --> 00:39:19,548 and a few bits from a BMW 318i. 762 00:39:19,549 --> 00:39:22,284 And I've got to say, I think that's pretty cool. 763 00:39:22,285 --> 00:39:24,253 - It's brilliant. - There are lots of these. 764 00:39:24,254 --> 00:39:27,823 I prefer this one, also with a BMW engine, a V8, 765 00:39:27,824 --> 00:39:29,659 but the bodywork is made of denim. 766 00:39:29,660 --> 00:39:32,227 - [LAUGHTER] - A man of exquisite taste. 767 00:39:32,228 --> 00:39:33,729 [LAUGHTER] 768 00:39:33,730 --> 00:39:35,164 I think the best of them all is so good, 769 00:39:35,165 --> 00:39:37,166 we've actually brought it into the studio. 770 00:39:37,167 --> 00:39:39,669 Look, it's down here. Unbelievable, this. 771 00:39:39,670 --> 00:39:42,672 It's a replica of a Mercedes C9. 772 00:39:42,673 --> 00:39:45,574 Now that, Hammond, was the car that won 773 00:39:45,575 --> 00:39:48,678 the 24-hour Le Mans race in 1989. 774 00:39:48,679 --> 00:39:51,714 And it's so amazing, I've brought out the man who built it. 775 00:39:51,715 --> 00:39:54,850 Ladies and gentlemen, give him a warm hand. Johan Ackermann! 776 00:39:54,851 --> 00:39:56,686 Thank you very much for coming. 777 00:39:56,687 --> 00:39:58,221 [WHISTLING] 778 00:40:00,290 --> 00:40:02,491 Can I just as... 779 00:40:02,492 --> 00:40:03,993 Can I just ask, Johan, 780 00:40:03,994 --> 00:40:07,096 how did you get the styling to work? 781 00:40:07,097 --> 00:40:09,932 Well, Jeremy, there was no drawings on the internet, 782 00:40:09,933 --> 00:40:12,501 so, erm... I got a book on the dimensions, 783 00:40:12,502 --> 00:40:15,905 but the closest I could get was a 1:32-scale model. 784 00:40:15,906 --> 00:40:18,273 Hang on, so you measured your toy car, 785 00:40:18,274 --> 00:40:21,844 multiplied it by 32 and built a full-sized one. 786 00:40:21,845 --> 00:40:23,178 - Yep. - That's how you did it? 787 00:40:23,179 --> 00:40:25,915 - Is it road legal? - Fully road legal. 788 00:40:25,916 --> 00:40:27,950 - It's a real car, not a model? - Yeah. 789 00:40:27,951 --> 00:40:30,019 How long did you spend building this? 790 00:40:30,020 --> 00:40:32,755 From start to roadworthy was 16 months. 791 00:40:32,756 --> 00:40:35,024 Right. Was there, or is there, 792 00:40:35,025 --> 00:40:36,826 a marriage to have survived this? 793 00:40:36,827 --> 00:40:37,793 [LAUGHTER] 794 00:40:37,794 --> 00:40:39,795 Well, I hope so. 795 00:40:39,796 --> 00:40:41,363 My wife is here, so it must be a good sign. 796 00:40:41,364 --> 00:40:44,433 - Hello, patient lady. - [LAUGHTER] 797 00:40:44,434 --> 00:40:46,769 Well, it's a remarkable achievement, and well done. 798 00:40:46,770 --> 00:40:48,303 Ladies and gentlemen, Johan Ackermann. 799 00:40:48,304 --> 00:40:50,806 - [CHEERING AND WHISTLING] - That's brilliant. 800 00:40:50,807 --> 00:40:52,776 Brilliant. 801 00:40:55,678 --> 00:40:58,280 We're moving on to a great idea 802 00:40:58,281 --> 00:41:01,616 that Richard Hammond and I have had all by our own. 803 00:41:01,617 --> 00:41:03,853 - And it is brilliant. - It is. 804 00:41:03,854 --> 00:41:07,757 It's called, Making James May Do Something He Doesn't Want To Do. 805 00:41:07,758 --> 00:41:09,058 [LAUGHTER] 806 00:41:09,059 --> 00:41:10,826 And we kick off with spinning. 807 00:41:10,827 --> 00:41:12,928 It's a South African thing. Fairly simple. 808 00:41:12,929 --> 00:41:14,964 You get an elderly rear-wheel-drive car, 809 00:41:14,965 --> 00:41:17,967 take it to a car park where you do doughnuts in it 810 00:41:17,968 --> 00:41:20,135 to a backdrop of strong rap music. 811 00:41:20,136 --> 00:41:22,071 [LAUGHTER] 812 00:41:22,072 --> 00:41:24,673 It's lively, it's interesting, and it's youthful. 813 00:41:24,674 --> 00:41:26,776 It's everything he isn't. 814 00:41:26,777 --> 00:41:28,377 [LAUGHTER] 815 00:41:28,378 --> 00:41:30,080 [RAP MUSIC] 816 00:41:34,150 --> 00:41:36,285 [CHEERING] 817 00:41:36,286 --> 00:41:37,954 [TYRES SQUEAL] 818 00:41:41,825 --> 00:41:42,993 [TYRES SCREECH] 819 00:41:43,960 --> 00:41:45,027 [TYRES SQUEAL] 820 00:41:45,028 --> 00:41:47,062 Well, here we are, then, 821 00:41:47,063 --> 00:41:49,698 at one of Jo'burg's top spinning destinations, 822 00:41:49,699 --> 00:41:52,935 the aptly-named Wheelz 'n' Smoke Arena. 823 00:41:52,936 --> 00:41:55,037 And the object of the exercise, 824 00:41:55,038 --> 00:41:56,571 as far as I can make out, 825 00:41:56,572 --> 00:41:58,809 is to create smoke. 826 00:42:00,610 --> 00:42:01,811 [TYRES SQUEAL] 827 00:42:01,812 --> 00:42:03,512 And drive round and round the arena 828 00:42:03,513 --> 00:42:05,547 until the tyres go bang. 829 00:42:05,548 --> 00:42:07,449 [TYRES SQUEAL AND BLOW] 830 00:42:07,450 --> 00:42:09,218 And then what's left of the tyres 831 00:42:09,219 --> 00:42:11,086 are put on a bonfire over there, 832 00:42:11,087 --> 00:42:13,655 to make sure there's absolutely nothing left. 833 00:42:13,656 --> 00:42:15,358 [METAL GRATING] 834 00:42:16,726 --> 00:42:18,862 [TYRES SQUEAL] 835 00:42:23,099 --> 00:42:28,037 This is Stacy, and she's only about 17, I think. 836 00:42:28,038 --> 00:42:30,339 And the word round here and the noise in the crowd 837 00:42:30,340 --> 00:42:32,341 says that Stacy is actually very good at this. 838 00:42:32,342 --> 00:42:35,846 But how the bloody hell would I know? It's just a massive cloud of smoke... 839 00:42:37,513 --> 00:42:39,681 ...with some headlights occasionally appearing in it. 840 00:42:39,682 --> 00:42:41,283 [CHEERING] 841 00:42:41,284 --> 00:42:43,618 To help me get into the spirit of things, 842 00:42:43,619 --> 00:42:47,522 the organisers suggested I should become more involved. 843 00:42:47,523 --> 00:42:49,624 [CHEERING AND WHISTLING] 844 00:42:49,625 --> 00:42:51,560 [TYRES SCREECH] 845 00:42:51,561 --> 00:42:54,296 Aaaargh! 846 00:42:54,297 --> 00:42:57,566 - [GIBBERS] - [TYRES SCREECH] 847 00:42:57,567 --> 00:43:00,735 Look at the rev case, in the red constantly, mate. 848 00:43:00,736 --> 00:43:03,372 [ENGINE REVS] 849 00:43:03,373 --> 00:43:06,476 I don't like the smell of tyre smoke in the evening. 850 00:43:07,944 --> 00:43:10,112 Oi! Get back in! 851 00:43:10,113 --> 00:43:11,613 [CHEERING AND LAUGHING] 852 00:43:11,614 --> 00:43:14,050 Get back in the car, you [BLEEP] idiot! 853 00:43:15,518 --> 00:43:17,220 Help! 854 00:43:18,889 --> 00:43:20,323 [CHEERING AND WHISTLING] 855 00:43:24,760 --> 00:43:26,897 Thank you. 856 00:43:27,730 --> 00:43:29,499 [TYRES SCREECH] 857 00:43:33,636 --> 00:43:36,671 [ENGINE REVS] 858 00:43:36,672 --> 00:43:38,207 [TYRE BLOWS] 859 00:43:38,208 --> 00:43:40,309 - Has it broken? - Yes. 860 00:43:40,310 --> 00:43:41,511 Finally. 861 00:43:58,929 --> 00:44:00,529 I got 20,000 miles 862 00:44:00,530 --> 00:44:03,934 out of the last set of rear tyres on my car. 863 00:44:05,835 --> 00:44:07,470 [TYRES SCREECH] 864 00:44:30,526 --> 00:44:32,261 [CHEERING] 865 00:44:32,262 --> 00:44:34,429 Just go out there and do it. 866 00:44:34,430 --> 00:44:36,365 Fancy trying to do that in England. 867 00:44:36,366 --> 00:44:38,500 Or anywhere. Or Australia. 868 00:44:38,501 --> 00:44:39,969 Anyway, mm-mm-mm. 869 00:44:39,970 --> 00:44:43,272 James May, was there any part of that that you enjoyed? 870 00:44:43,273 --> 00:44:45,540 - Nope. - Good. 871 00:44:45,541 --> 00:44:48,644 But now it is time for Celebrity Brain Crash. 872 00:44:53,984 --> 00:44:56,285 [LAUGHTER] 873 00:44:56,286 --> 00:44:58,220 Now after what happened last week, 874 00:44:58,221 --> 00:45:00,589 our guest this week declined our offer 875 00:45:00,590 --> 00:45:03,292 to arrive at the studio on a hovercraft, 876 00:45:03,293 --> 00:45:05,094 saying she would prefer to walk. 877 00:45:05,095 --> 00:45:06,828 - It's understandable. - Yes, it is. 878 00:45:06,829 --> 00:45:08,530 I'm sure that despite this, 879 00:45:08,531 --> 00:45:11,333 you will still give her an enormous welcome. 880 00:45:11,334 --> 00:45:14,503 Although she's now a major Hollywood star, 881 00:45:14,504 --> 00:45:16,905 she was actually born here in South Africa. 882 00:45:16,906 --> 00:45:20,009 Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome Charlize Theron! 883 00:45:20,010 --> 00:45:22,877 [CHEERING AND APPLAUSE] 884 00:45:22,878 --> 00:45:26,215 We must ask her about A Million Ways To Die In The West. 885 00:45:26,216 --> 00:45:27,749 I love that film. 886 00:45:27,750 --> 00:45:30,485 But what I really love is the way she looks in it. 887 00:45:30,486 --> 00:45:34,689 The hat and the floaty skirt. She's on a bicycle as well. 888 00:45:34,690 --> 00:45:37,692 [AUDIENCE GASPS AND GROANS] 889 00:45:37,693 --> 00:45:40,630 - JEREMY: Oh, no. - RICHARD: Oh, God. 890 00:45:41,831 --> 00:45:44,666 - Oh, not... - Ladies and gentlemen, 891 00:45:44,667 --> 00:45:46,735 Charlize Theron has been attacked by a lion. 892 00:45:46,736 --> 00:45:49,539 - Oh, no. - Literally nothing we can do. 893 00:45:51,241 --> 00:45:53,175 Does that mean she's not coming on, then? 894 00:45:53,176 --> 00:45:56,345 - [LAUGHTER] - She's been eaten by a lion. 895 00:45:56,346 --> 00:45:58,813 Well, look, are there any other well-known 896 00:45:58,814 --> 00:46:00,415 South Africans in the audience? 897 00:46:00,416 --> 00:46:02,384 It's not very likely, James. 898 00:46:02,385 --> 00:46:04,219 There's only two globally famous South Africans. 899 00:46:04,220 --> 00:46:07,056 One's now in a lion and the other's in prison. 900 00:46:07,057 --> 00:46:08,623 [LAUGHTER] 901 00:46:08,624 --> 00:46:10,792 Let's get back to what we were doing. 902 00:46:10,793 --> 00:46:14,129 Earlier on, we were at a Jordanian special forces training base 903 00:46:14,130 --> 00:46:16,631 learning to be super army soldiers. 904 00:46:16,632 --> 00:46:20,569 And we pick up the action as we rush towards the hijacked airliner 905 00:46:20,570 --> 00:46:24,474 to rescue a VIP and take them to safety. 906 00:46:36,086 --> 00:46:38,087 Let me talk you through the plan. 907 00:46:38,088 --> 00:46:43,592 James and Richard will use the catering lorry as an assault vehicle. 908 00:46:43,593 --> 00:46:46,161 And then, after we've rescued the VIP, 909 00:46:46,162 --> 00:46:50,200 we'll use the Audi as a getaway car. 910 00:46:54,670 --> 00:46:57,572 Now what we're doing here, very cleverly, 911 00:46:57,573 --> 00:46:59,541 is we're going round the back of the plane 912 00:46:59,542 --> 00:47:02,377 because planes don't have rear windows 913 00:47:02,378 --> 00:47:05,747 or door mirrors, so they won't see us sneaking up. 914 00:47:05,748 --> 00:47:07,450 Stealthy, you see. 915 00:47:08,684 --> 00:47:11,019 Hammond, we're manoeuvring in. 916 00:47:11,020 --> 00:47:13,256 - RICHARD: OK. - JAMES: Dab the brakes. 917 00:47:16,559 --> 00:47:18,427 RICHARD: Right, we are in position. 918 00:47:18,428 --> 00:47:22,997 James is gonna lift me on this platform to the door, 919 00:47:22,998 --> 00:47:24,533 then we go in. 920 00:47:24,534 --> 00:47:26,835 Right, are you ready? 921 00:47:26,836 --> 00:47:28,703 I'm ready to lower the jacks. 922 00:47:28,704 --> 00:47:30,206 Absolute stealth. 923 00:47:33,243 --> 00:47:35,211 [CACOPHONY OF ALARMS] 924 00:47:36,279 --> 00:47:39,149 [METAL CREAKS] 925 00:47:40,416 --> 00:47:41,950 [ALARMS CONTINUE] 926 00:47:41,951 --> 00:47:43,818 I think the terrorists 927 00:47:43,819 --> 00:47:45,887 are going to notice this assault. 928 00:47:45,888 --> 00:47:47,723 [ALARMS CONTINUE] 929 00:47:48,858 --> 00:47:50,693 [MUFFLED ALARMS] 930 00:47:53,563 --> 00:47:55,165 [GUNSHOT] 931 00:47:59,469 --> 00:48:01,370 [CACOPHONY OF ALARMS] 932 00:48:01,371 --> 00:48:03,938 [METAL CREAKS] 933 00:48:03,939 --> 00:48:08,777 I think the terrorists are going to notice this assault. 934 00:48:08,778 --> 00:48:11,880 Which is why I shall now cause a diversion. 935 00:48:11,881 --> 00:48:14,583 [TYRES SCREECH] 936 00:48:14,584 --> 00:48:17,519 I'm gonna make a smoking doughnut in front of the plane 937 00:48:17,520 --> 00:48:19,755 to distract the terrorists. 938 00:48:21,357 --> 00:48:22,657 [TYRES SQUEAL] 939 00:48:22,658 --> 00:48:24,993 JEREMY: Oh, no, this is a disaster. 940 00:48:24,994 --> 00:48:28,297 Even when you turn the traction control off, 941 00:48:28,298 --> 00:48:29,864 it isn't fully off, 942 00:48:29,865 --> 00:48:34,503 so you just get miles and miles of dreary understeer. 943 00:48:34,504 --> 00:48:36,706 Bad mark for Audi here. 944 00:48:40,510 --> 00:48:42,544 Come on! 945 00:48:42,545 --> 00:48:45,079 The only good thing is the terrorists will be looking 946 00:48:45,080 --> 00:48:46,281 out of the cockpit windows 947 00:48:46,282 --> 00:48:48,483 thinking, "Why is that Audi 948 00:48:48,484 --> 00:48:51,220 understeering around like that?" 949 00:48:51,221 --> 00:48:53,655 Right! Go low! 950 00:48:53,656 --> 00:48:54,924 [GUNFIRE] 951 00:49:00,230 --> 00:49:01,663 Here I come! 952 00:49:01,664 --> 00:49:05,300 Cry havoc and let slip the dog of understeer! 953 00:49:05,301 --> 00:49:07,135 [GUNFIRE] 954 00:49:07,136 --> 00:49:08,604 [DISTANT GUNFIRE] 955 00:49:20,350 --> 00:49:23,518 Chaps, I have located the VIP 956 00:49:23,519 --> 00:49:25,654 and it is the Queen of England. 957 00:49:25,655 --> 00:49:27,689 JAMES: I don't like the Royal Family. 958 00:49:27,690 --> 00:49:31,260 James, now is not the time for your republican views. 959 00:49:31,261 --> 00:49:34,496 Ma'am, we are an elite fighting force. 960 00:49:34,497 --> 00:49:36,265 We have an Audi outside. We will... 961 00:49:36,266 --> 00:49:38,301 [GUNSHOT] 962 00:49:41,136 --> 00:49:42,837 Why did you shoot Hammond? 963 00:49:42,838 --> 00:49:44,540 He was being annoying. 964 00:49:47,743 --> 00:49:49,143 [RAPID GUNFIRE] 965 00:49:49,144 --> 00:49:52,113 That's how you do it! 966 00:49:52,114 --> 00:49:54,283 [CACOPHONY OF ALARMS] 967 00:49:54,284 --> 00:49:57,286 Ma'am, we are an elite fighting force. 968 00:49:57,287 --> 00:49:59,388 We have an Audi outside. We will... 969 00:49:59,389 --> 00:50:00,923 [GUNSHOT] 970 00:50:04,660 --> 00:50:07,363 - Did you shoot May? - Well, he shot me! 971 00:50:11,367 --> 00:50:14,002 - [GUNFIRE] - That's how you do it! 972 00:50:14,003 --> 00:50:17,973 Somehow in our next attempt, Hammond ended up on the wing. 973 00:50:20,042 --> 00:50:25,414 Oh, I see. You wanna do this the old-fashioned way. 974 00:50:25,415 --> 00:50:27,683 OK, let's dance. 975 00:50:29,452 --> 00:50:30,786 - [BLADE SWISHES] - Aagh! 976 00:50:37,460 --> 00:50:40,194 Ma'am, we are an elite fighting force. 977 00:50:40,195 --> 00:50:43,998 We have an Audi waiting outside to get you to safety. 978 00:50:43,999 --> 00:50:46,468 - And what do you do? - I just said. 979 00:50:46,469 --> 00:50:48,903 We are an elite fighting force. 980 00:50:48,904 --> 00:50:51,440 We have an Audi waiting outside to get you to safety. 981 00:50:51,441 --> 00:50:53,308 - You'll like it, it's German. - Like you are. 982 00:50:53,309 --> 00:50:56,545 Thank you, James. Are all the terrorists dead back there? 983 00:50:56,546 --> 00:50:58,947 - Everybody's dead back there. - Good man. 984 00:50:58,948 --> 00:51:01,417 Your Majesty, if you'd like to follow us. 985 00:51:09,359 --> 00:51:11,960 - [GUNSHOT] - What was that? 986 00:51:11,961 --> 00:51:14,363 He's just shot the Queen in the back of the head. 987 00:51:14,364 --> 00:51:16,899 Well, now what we gonna do? 988 00:51:18,468 --> 00:51:20,503 - Oh... - [GUNSHOT] 989 00:51:23,906 --> 00:51:27,577 Go. I'll have that, thank you very much. 990 00:51:29,111 --> 00:51:32,246 Having finally got the Queen into the car, 991 00:51:32,247 --> 00:51:34,884 we were now faced with a perilous drive to the embassy. 992 00:51:37,687 --> 00:51:41,456 However, this did at least mean I could get back to my day job. 993 00:51:41,457 --> 00:51:43,057 [GUNFIRE] 994 00:51:43,058 --> 00:51:46,928 I'll talk you through the car. This is the S8 Plus. 995 00:51:46,929 --> 00:51:48,930 [RAPID GUNFIRE] 996 00:51:48,931 --> 00:51:52,166 Plus means it has 80 more horsepower than the standard car. 997 00:51:52,167 --> 00:51:56,137 That means 0-60 in 3.8 seconds, 998 00:51:56,138 --> 00:51:58,673 top speed: 190. 999 00:51:58,674 --> 00:52:00,843 How very interesting. 1000 00:52:04,414 --> 00:52:08,116 The immense power is harnessed not only by all-wheel drive, 1001 00:52:08,117 --> 00:52:10,419 but also by ceramic brakes. 1002 00:52:10,420 --> 00:52:11,786 [EXPLOSIONS] 1003 00:52:11,787 --> 00:52:14,322 And an electronic differential. 1004 00:52:14,323 --> 00:52:18,026 There's a time and a place for talking about that stuff, mate! 1005 00:52:18,027 --> 00:52:19,994 Sitting behind a six-foot-five-inch driver 1006 00:52:19,995 --> 00:52:22,497 means that rear leg room is rather at a premium. 1007 00:52:22,498 --> 00:52:25,834 Having said that, however, for a high-performance saloon, 1008 00:52:25,835 --> 00:52:27,902 the ride quality is really rather good. 1009 00:52:27,903 --> 00:52:30,304 Will you two stop reviewing the car? 1010 00:52:30,305 --> 00:52:32,974 [EXPLOSIONS AND GUNFIRE] 1011 00:52:32,975 --> 00:52:35,243 Do you have an opinion, the Queen? 1012 00:52:35,244 --> 00:52:36,879 Not now! 1013 00:52:40,583 --> 00:52:42,518 Hold it steady, I'm gonna shoot them. 1014 00:52:44,186 --> 00:52:45,687 [GUNFIRE] 1015 00:52:45,688 --> 00:52:48,590 Shoot him in the face! 1016 00:52:48,591 --> 00:52:51,526 Have you come far? 1017 00:52:51,527 --> 00:52:53,227 [GUNFIRE] 1018 00:52:53,228 --> 00:52:55,329 - [TYRES SQUEAL] - [CRASH] 1019 00:52:55,330 --> 00:52:56,665 [RAPID GUNFIRE] 1020 00:52:56,666 --> 00:52:59,468 The Living Daylights. Transporter 2 and 3. 1021 00:52:59,469 --> 00:53:00,535 Taken. Ronin. 1022 00:53:00,536 --> 00:53:02,537 Why are you listing films? 1023 00:53:02,538 --> 00:53:06,741 Because all those films had a big Audi saloon in them going quickly. 1024 00:53:06,742 --> 00:53:10,613 It is the car of choice for the Hollywood hero. 1025 00:53:11,781 --> 00:53:13,048 Shut up. 1026 00:53:14,216 --> 00:53:16,851 - [TYRES SQUEAL] - [GUNFIRE] 1027 00:53:16,852 --> 00:53:19,353 What's the top speed of that thing, James? 1028 00:53:19,354 --> 00:53:20,889 About 90 miles an hour. 1029 00:53:20,890 --> 00:53:24,559 Well, here is a top tip for Hollywood heroes. 1030 00:53:24,560 --> 00:53:25,827 [EXPLOSIONS] 1031 00:53:25,828 --> 00:53:27,596 If you're being chased by a car 1032 00:53:27,597 --> 00:53:29,498 which is slower than the car you're in, 1033 00:53:29,499 --> 00:53:34,503 simply drive faster than it. 1034 00:53:34,504 --> 00:53:38,339 See, that's what Nick Cage ought to have thought about, really, in The Rock. 1035 00:53:38,340 --> 00:53:41,843 And that man in Ronin, with the S8 chasing the Citroen. 1036 00:53:41,844 --> 00:53:43,945 Stop talking about films! 1037 00:53:43,946 --> 00:53:45,947 There's a bogey waxing our tail. 1038 00:53:45,948 --> 00:53:48,116 - Oh, God! - Gonna shoot its petrol tank. 1039 00:53:48,117 --> 00:53:52,955 James, there's no point shooting it. Petrol only blows up in films. 1040 00:53:54,690 --> 00:53:57,026 [RAPID GUNFIRE] 1041 00:54:01,931 --> 00:54:04,165 Well, that's not strictly accurate. 1042 00:54:04,166 --> 00:54:07,001 - Where the bloody hell is the embassy? - Go down here. 1043 00:54:07,002 --> 00:54:08,537 [TYRES SCREECH] 1044 00:54:08,538 --> 00:54:10,539 - No, this is rubbish. - There it is. 1045 00:54:10,540 --> 00:54:12,173 There it is! 1046 00:54:12,174 --> 00:54:15,610 Right, you get the Queen to safety. I'll cover you. 1047 00:54:15,611 --> 00:54:18,046 - OK, I'm on it. - Right, good. Go, go, go! 1048 00:54:18,047 --> 00:54:19,313 Go, go, go! 1049 00:54:19,314 --> 00:54:20,615 Your Majesty. 1050 00:54:20,616 --> 00:54:23,284 Really quickly, Your Majesty. 1051 00:54:23,285 --> 00:54:25,219 [GUNFIRE] 1052 00:54:25,220 --> 00:54:26,255 We can't see. 1053 00:54:41,236 --> 00:54:42,771 Come on, Jeremy, come on! 1054 00:54:42,772 --> 00:54:45,206 I'm doing my best! 1055 00:54:45,207 --> 00:54:46,641 [GUNSHOT] 1056 00:54:46,642 --> 00:54:49,143 [RICHARD LAUGHS] In the plums! 1057 00:54:49,144 --> 00:54:50,378 Oh, no! 1058 00:54:50,379 --> 00:54:51,847 Just keep moving! 1059 00:54:52,948 --> 00:54:54,683 [GUNSHOT] 1060 00:54:54,684 --> 00:54:56,585 They've done it again! 1061 00:54:56,586 --> 00:54:58,620 James, you're missing this! 1062 00:54:58,621 --> 00:55:00,655 You cannot modernise the royalty, 1063 00:55:00,656 --> 00:55:05,660 because royalty is, at the very best, a medieval concept. 1064 00:55:05,661 --> 00:55:07,228 [GUNSHOTS] 1065 00:55:07,229 --> 00:55:08,897 Oh! Shooting! 1066 00:55:08,898 --> 00:55:11,766 That's gonna sting! He's still coming! 1067 00:55:11,767 --> 00:55:13,401 Keep going! 1068 00:55:13,402 --> 00:55:14,970 Mind the mines! 1069 00:55:17,006 --> 00:55:18,808 [RICHARD LAUGHS] 1070 00:55:20,810 --> 00:55:22,410 He's still going! 1071 00:55:22,411 --> 00:55:25,047 ♪♪ [Barber's "Adagio for Strings"] 1072 00:55:35,725 --> 00:55:37,660 [GUNSHOT] 1073 00:55:44,834 --> 00:55:46,969 James, he's dead. 1074 00:55:48,738 --> 00:55:52,473 No, wait a minute. He's going again! He's moving again! 1075 00:55:52,474 --> 00:55:54,175 Jeremy, come on, you can do it! 1076 00:55:54,176 --> 00:55:56,410 Come on, keep going! Come on. 1077 00:55:56,411 --> 00:55:57,946 - This is it. - Hammond... 1078 00:55:57,947 --> 00:55:59,547 There's the finish line! 1079 00:55:59,548 --> 00:56:00,982 Am I going the right way? 1080 00:56:00,983 --> 00:56:04,686 More or less. Roll over it. You can do it. 1081 00:56:04,687 --> 00:56:07,388 - [GROANS] - Yes! We have done it. 1082 00:56:07,389 --> 00:56:09,024 [GROANS] 1083 00:56:11,927 --> 00:56:13,796 Have you come far? 1084 00:56:16,732 --> 00:56:18,934 [CHEERING AND WHISTLING] 1085 00:56:21,470 --> 00:56:26,075 A fighting force. An unbelievable fighting force. 1086 00:56:27,309 --> 00:56:30,011 We actually managed to complete that course 1087 00:56:30,012 --> 00:56:32,480 in nine hours and 48 minutes. 1088 00:56:32,481 --> 00:56:37,819 And that's only nine-and-a-half hours slower than the actual soldiers. 1089 00:56:37,820 --> 00:56:39,888 Can I just ask, how many times were you shot? 1090 00:56:39,889 --> 00:56:42,090 - What, on the run in? - On the way to the embassy. 1091 00:56:42,091 --> 00:56:46,360 Er... 17 to the torso, two to the... plum set. 1092 00:56:46,361 --> 00:56:48,262 - [LAUGHTER] - And you lived? 1093 00:56:48,263 --> 00:56:50,699 Well, obviously, James, yes, look, I lived. 1094 00:56:50,700 --> 00:56:54,903 He did. And on that terrible disappointment, it is time to end. 1095 00:56:54,904 --> 00:56:56,905 Yes, it is. Thank you so much for watching. 1096 00:56:56,906 --> 00:56:59,373 See you somewhere next week. Goodbye! 1097 00:56:59,374 --> 00:57:00,943 [CHEERING] 1098 00:57:03,760 --> 00:57:08,760 https://www.facebook.com/pablo.viva.73 1098 00:57:09,305 --> 00:57:15,287 Please rate this subtitle at www.osdb.link/8594d Help other users to choose the best subtitles