1 00:00:03,804 --> 00:00:06,807 [BIG BEN CHIMING] 2 00:00:06,807 --> 00:00:08,742 [THUNDER RUMBLES] 3 00:00:10,000 --> 00:00:16,074 Advertise your product or brand here contact www.OpenSubtitles.org today 4 00:00:20,121 --> 00:00:22,156 [NO AUDIBLE DIALOGUE] 5 00:00:26,727 --> 00:00:28,796 RADIO: According to today's newspaper headlines, 6 00:00:28,796 --> 00:00:30,864 it seems that it's the end of the road 7 00:00:30,864 --> 00:00:33,467 for motoring presenter Jeremy Clarkson... 8 00:00:36,204 --> 00:00:37,805 ...and said that it's with deep regret 9 00:00:37,805 --> 00:00:40,374 the decision had been taken not to renew him. 10 00:01:12,940 --> 00:01:14,275 [BEEP] 11 00:01:22,049 --> 00:01:24,418 ..forecast plenty of sunshine through today 12 00:01:24,418 --> 00:01:26,887 with seasonal temperatures. 13 00:01:26,887 --> 00:01:30,791 We should reach a high of about 82 degrees by this afternoon... 14 00:01:30,791 --> 00:01:36,397 ♫ I can see clearly now the rain has gone ♫ 15 00:01:38,532 --> 00:01:42,703 ♫ I can see all obstacles in my way ♫ 16 00:01:45,606 --> 00:01:50,244 ♫ Gone are the dark clouds that had me blind ♫ 17 00:01:51,379 --> 00:01:53,381 ♫ It's gonna be a bright ♫ 18 00:01:54,315 --> 00:01:55,783 ♫ Sunshiney day ♫ 19 00:01:59,220 --> 00:02:03,824 ♫ Think I can make it now the pain has gone ♫ 20 00:02:06,527 --> 00:02:10,564 ♫ All of the bad feelings have disappeared ♫ 21 00:02:13,534 --> 00:02:18,606 ♫ Here is the rainbow I've been praying for ♫ 22 00:02:18,606 --> 00:02:22,210 ♫ It's gonna be a bright ♫ 23 00:02:22,210 --> 00:02:23,844 ♫ Sunshiney day ♫ 24 00:02:27,215 --> 00:02:31,352 ♫ We're gonna make it now the pain has gone ♫ 25 00:02:33,254 --> 00:02:37,625 ♫ All of the bad feelings have disappeared ♫ 26 00:02:39,827 --> 00:02:44,665 ♫ I can see clearly now the rain has gone ♫ 27 00:02:44,665 --> 00:02:49,403 ♫ It's gonna be a bright sunshiney day ♫ 28 00:02:51,104 --> 00:02:56,910 ♫ Gonna be a bright sunshiney day ♫ 29 00:02:56,910 --> 00:02:58,879 ♫ Take it away ♫ 30 00:03:41,088 --> 00:03:43,090 ♫ Oh-oh ♫ 31 00:03:43,090 --> 00:03:46,327 ♫ Oh! Sunshiney day ♫ 32 00:03:47,528 --> 00:03:50,598 ♫ Oh-oh, oh-oh ♫ 33 00:03:50,598 --> 00:03:51,932 ♫ Sunshiney day ♫ 34 00:03:53,634 --> 00:03:55,703 ♫ Gonna be a bright ♫ 35 00:03:55,703 --> 00:03:58,306 ♫ Sunshiney day ♫ 36 00:04:02,543 --> 00:04:04,745 ♫ Sunshiney day ♫ 37 00:04:07,315 --> 00:04:10,451 ♫ Bright sunshiney day ♫ 38 00:04:14,688 --> 00:04:15,889 ♫ Sunshiney day ♫ 39 00:04:18,191 --> 00:04:21,795 ♫ Gonna be a bright sunshiney day ♫ 40 00:04:25,599 --> 00:04:28,602 ♫ Bright sunshiney day ♫ 41 00:04:32,105 --> 00:04:34,342 ♫ Bright sunshiney day ♫ 42 00:04:39,513 --> 00:04:41,815 ♫ Sunshiney day ♫ 43 00:04:41,815 --> 00:04:43,751 [CHEERING] 44 00:04:50,090 --> 00:04:52,393 Hello, everybody! 45 00:04:54,695 --> 00:04:57,365 Hello. That was the Hothouse Flowers. 46 00:04:57,365 --> 00:04:59,400 And now, look what we have here. 47 00:04:59,400 --> 00:05:03,070 [CHEERING] 48 00:05:03,070 --> 00:05:04,605 He was born-- 49 00:05:04,605 --> 00:05:08,108 He was born in 1836... 50 00:05:08,108 --> 00:05:09,877 [LAUGHTER] 51 00:05:09,877 --> 00:05:12,680 He was fired by Car magazine, 52 00:05:12,680 --> 00:05:15,115 fired by Autocar magazine, 53 00:05:15,115 --> 00:05:17,451 fired by Scotland On Sunday, 54 00:05:17,451 --> 00:05:20,388 and somehow he managed to get fired 55 00:05:20,388 --> 00:05:23,256 by a Volvo dealership. 56 00:05:23,256 --> 00:05:24,625 Thank you. 57 00:05:24,625 --> 00:05:26,727 Probably for driving too slowly. 58 00:05:26,727 --> 00:05:29,863 Ladies and gentlemen, James May! 59 00:05:29,863 --> 00:05:31,865 [CHEERING] 60 00:05:36,937 --> 00:05:39,172 Thank you, thank you. You're very kind. 61 00:05:39,172 --> 00:05:42,443 And, ladies and gentlemen, 62 00:05:42,443 --> 00:05:46,213 you probably can't see him from the back, 63 00:05:46,213 --> 00:05:50,684 but I assure you he is here. 64 00:05:50,684 --> 00:05:53,987 He was fired by Radio York, 65 00:05:53,987 --> 00:05:55,823 fired by Radio Leeds, 66 00:05:55,823 --> 00:05:58,158 and fired by Radio Lancashire, 67 00:05:58,158 --> 00:06:00,093 it's Richard Hammond! 68 00:06:00,093 --> 00:06:03,464 Hello! Hello! Thank you! 69 00:06:04,565 --> 00:06:06,600 Thank you. 70 00:06:06,600 --> 00:06:10,438 And, ladies and gentlemen! 71 00:06:12,039 --> 00:06:15,042 Over here! 72 00:06:15,042 --> 00:06:18,679 He's-- He's basically 73 00:06:18,679 --> 00:06:22,516 a shaved ape in a shirt. 74 00:06:22,516 --> 00:06:26,454 And he, technically, is the only one of us 75 00:06:26,454 --> 00:06:28,522 never to be fired by anyone. 76 00:06:28,522 --> 00:06:30,458 It's Jeremy Clarkson! 77 00:06:30,458 --> 00:06:32,460 [CHEERING] 78 00:06:32,460 --> 00:06:34,127 Thank you so much. 79 00:06:37,164 --> 00:06:38,999 And the good thing is, 80 00:06:38,999 --> 00:06:42,670 it's very unlikely I'm going to be fired now, 81 00:06:42,670 --> 00:06:45,473 because we're on the Internet, 82 00:06:45,473 --> 00:06:47,374 which means I could pleasure a horse. 83 00:06:47,374 --> 00:06:49,477 No! No. 84 00:06:49,477 --> 00:06:50,844 - Dog? - No. 85 00:06:50,844 --> 00:06:52,580 No pleasuring of any sort. 86 00:06:52,580 --> 00:06:55,483 - There are families watching. - Yes! 87 00:06:55,483 --> 00:06:59,152 Anyway, we are all car journalists. 88 00:06:59,152 --> 00:07:02,490 And we have spent the last 20 years... 89 00:07:02,490 --> 00:07:05,793 - Being fired. - Yes. 90 00:07:05,793 --> 00:07:07,661 But we have poured everything we know, 91 00:07:07,661 --> 00:07:11,298 everything we care about, into this show. 92 00:07:11,298 --> 00:07:14,067 [CHEERING] 93 00:07:14,067 --> 00:07:18,038 Everything. And coming up now is a small montage 94 00:07:18,038 --> 00:07:21,875 of what you can expect over the next 12 weeks. 95 00:07:31,051 --> 00:07:33,253 Are we ready, gentlemen? 96 00:07:33,253 --> 00:07:35,523 Honestly, I don't know. 97 00:07:42,362 --> 00:07:45,065 Argh! 98 00:07:45,065 --> 00:07:47,535 Is that the size of the drop or what's happened to his penis? 99 00:07:49,737 --> 00:07:52,339 You're looking at magnificence. 100 00:07:52,339 --> 00:07:54,642 Help! This is bad. 101 00:07:57,845 --> 00:07:59,813 James says we've got to stop for fuel. 102 00:08:04,752 --> 00:08:07,555 [SCREAMS] I hate you! 103 00:08:07,555 --> 00:08:09,590 He doesn't like us. 104 00:08:14,562 --> 00:08:16,830 Bloody Nora! 105 00:08:19,299 --> 00:08:21,268 [SCREAMING] 106 00:08:22,836 --> 00:08:26,173 May be leaking slightly. 107 00:08:26,173 --> 00:08:28,241 What a moron. 108 00:08:29,910 --> 00:08:32,713 You sunk my limousine! 109 00:08:32,713 --> 00:08:35,983 I've lost one of my nose tampons. 110 00:08:35,983 --> 00:08:40,387 This is not a particularly cultural thing to do. 111 00:08:40,387 --> 00:08:44,324 I don't like the smell of tire smoke in the evening. 112 00:08:44,324 --> 00:08:46,259 Oi! Get back in! 113 00:08:46,259 --> 00:08:48,596 James is falling... 114 00:08:56,503 --> 00:08:58,706 Sideways in linen. 115 00:09:10,651 --> 00:09:12,385 There's no dignity in that, is there? 116 00:09:12,385 --> 00:09:14,321 No. 117 00:09:17,991 --> 00:09:20,227 Thank you. Thank you so much. 118 00:09:20,227 --> 00:09:22,062 Now-- Thank you. 119 00:09:22,062 --> 00:09:26,634 All of that is gonna be hosted from this. 120 00:09:26,634 --> 00:09:30,103 This is our new travelling studio tent. 121 00:09:30,103 --> 00:09:33,506 Thank you so much. We're gonna be roaming the world in it. 122 00:09:33,506 --> 00:09:34,975 We're gonna be like gypsies. 123 00:09:34,975 --> 00:09:38,078 Only the cars we drive are gonna be insured. 124 00:09:38,078 --> 00:09:40,447 Stop saying things that are gonna get us fired. 125 00:09:40,447 --> 00:09:42,482 But I'm just saying, it's brilliant. 126 00:09:42,482 --> 00:09:44,685 - It is. - [GUNSHOT] 127 00:09:46,353 --> 00:09:49,489 Oi! Who shot our drone? 128 00:09:49,489 --> 00:09:52,459 - Did someone shoot it? - Him. 129 00:09:52,459 --> 00:09:55,395 Let's not get bogged down in who shot what, okay? 130 00:09:55,395 --> 00:09:58,498 Let's get changed and get on with the show. 131 00:09:58,498 --> 00:10:00,668 Shall we get on with the show? 132 00:10:00,668 --> 00:10:02,335 Let's do it. 133 00:10:23,256 --> 00:10:24,958 Thank you, everybody! 134 00:10:24,958 --> 00:10:26,894 Thank you so much. 135 00:10:26,894 --> 00:10:31,364 And welcome to the first ever Grand Tour. 136 00:10:35,602 --> 00:10:40,573 Thank you. Now, we hope you like our tent. 137 00:10:40,573 --> 00:10:44,377 We think the great thing is that because it roams around the world, 138 00:10:44,377 --> 00:10:47,715 we get a different view out of the big picture windows every week. 139 00:10:47,715 --> 00:10:49,750 So this week, obviously we've got 140 00:10:49,750 --> 00:10:51,118 the high desert of California. 141 00:10:51,118 --> 00:10:54,254 - Next week, who knows? - I do. 142 00:10:54,254 --> 00:10:58,325 Well, yes, James, we know. It's Johannesburg. 143 00:10:58,325 --> 00:11:01,729 - Now they know. - I know they know! It doesn't matter! 144 00:11:01,729 --> 00:11:04,765 The point is the view changes and so does the audience, okay? 145 00:11:04,765 --> 00:11:07,267 This week you're all Americans. 146 00:11:07,267 --> 00:11:09,202 [CHEERING] 147 00:11:14,742 --> 00:11:17,077 Now, this is a bit of a problem 148 00:11:17,077 --> 00:11:20,113 for people like us who speak English. 149 00:11:20,113 --> 00:11:24,351 We can converse perfectly well in a shop or a restaurant, 150 00:11:24,351 --> 00:11:27,054 but when it comes to cars and motoring, 151 00:11:27,054 --> 00:11:29,857 every single word you use is different. 152 00:11:29,857 --> 00:11:33,160 When I say "different," I mean "wrong." 153 00:11:33,160 --> 00:11:35,562 When you change gear with a lever, what do you call that? 154 00:11:35,562 --> 00:11:38,131 - Stick. - Stick. 155 00:11:38,131 --> 00:11:40,133 Now, you see, this is a stick. 156 00:11:40,133 --> 00:11:42,402 Couldn't change gear with this. 157 00:11:42,402 --> 00:11:45,105 Wouldn't work. What you can do with this is point at things. 158 00:11:45,105 --> 00:11:47,140 Let's see if we can get you educated. 159 00:11:47,140 --> 00:11:49,109 What do you call this bit of a car? 160 00:11:49,109 --> 00:11:52,145 - ALL: The hood! - MAN: Bonnet. 161 00:11:52,145 --> 00:11:54,681 - Bonnet. - They're learning. 162 00:11:54,681 --> 00:11:57,785 What do you mean? I know you can wear a bonnet on your head. 163 00:11:57,785 --> 00:12:02,455 It's two things. We're capable of having those different thoughts. 164 00:12:02,455 --> 00:12:04,892 - What type of vehicle is this? - ALL: Pick-up. 165 00:12:04,892 --> 00:12:06,493 No, it's stupid. 166 00:12:06,493 --> 00:12:09,797 - Oh, now, hang on. - It is stupid. 167 00:12:09,797 --> 00:12:12,132 Let's do another one of these. 168 00:12:12,132 --> 00:12:16,036 - What type of vehicle is this? - ALL: Coupe. 169 00:12:16,036 --> 00:12:20,073 Coupe? Coop is where you keep your chickens. 170 00:12:20,073 --> 00:12:22,342 That's a coupé. That's a French word, I admit. 171 00:12:22,342 --> 00:12:24,511 - Yeah, a bit. - They're muddled with that. 172 00:12:24,511 --> 00:12:27,280 George Bush, have you heard what he once said about the French? 173 00:12:27,280 --> 00:12:29,082 "The trouble with the French is they have no word 174 00:12:29,082 --> 00:12:30,851 for entrepreneur." 175 00:12:32,252 --> 00:12:34,421 It is difficult. I think the only thing we agree on 176 00:12:34,421 --> 00:12:36,656 - is "steering wheel." - Yeah. 177 00:12:36,656 --> 00:12:40,861 But then they go and put it on the wrong side of the car. 178 00:12:40,861 --> 00:12:45,298 It must be really annoying having to drive along like that all the time. 179 00:12:45,298 --> 00:12:49,002 Why don't you just put it in front of the driver like we do? 180 00:12:49,002 --> 00:12:51,438 It's probably a good idea if we get on with the actual show. 181 00:12:51,438 --> 00:12:53,841 Yes, it is. But we had to clear all that up, 182 00:12:53,841 --> 00:12:56,176 because contrary to what some people have been saying, 183 00:12:56,176 --> 00:12:58,578 this actually is a car show. 184 00:12:58,578 --> 00:13:01,314 - Well, not next week it isn't. - Next week is an exception. 185 00:13:01,314 --> 00:13:03,116 - Yeah. - But not when we go to Barbados either. 186 00:13:03,116 --> 00:13:05,152 No, Barbados is definitely another exception. 187 00:13:05,152 --> 00:13:08,989 But tonight couldn't be more "car-y" if it tried. 188 00:13:08,989 --> 00:13:12,159 I'm gonna prove that point because we're kicking off with this. 189 00:13:13,861 --> 00:13:16,196 [LAUGHTER AND JEERING] 190 00:13:16,196 --> 00:13:19,132 Bear with me, bear with me-- 191 00:13:19,132 --> 00:13:21,935 - I agree! - [LAUGHTER] 192 00:13:21,935 --> 00:13:23,103 The thing is, though, 193 00:13:23,103 --> 00:13:25,505 various supercar makers have now taken 194 00:13:25,505 --> 00:13:29,342 the polar-bear-friendly technology from a Prius, 195 00:13:29,342 --> 00:13:33,146 and they are now using it to create raw, naked speed. 196 00:13:33,146 --> 00:13:36,416 Now, I say the best of these hybrid hypercars 197 00:13:36,416 --> 00:13:40,787 is the mad, swivel-eyed McLaren P1. 198 00:13:40,787 --> 00:13:42,890 Whereas Richard Hammond, who's wrong-- 199 00:13:42,890 --> 00:13:43,991 I'm not wrong. 200 00:13:43,991 --> 00:13:46,259 He is, because he says the best 201 00:13:46,259 --> 00:13:49,462 is actually the rather boring Porsche 918. 202 00:13:49,462 --> 00:13:51,999 - It's not boring! - Yes, it is. 203 00:13:51,999 --> 00:13:54,001 - It isn't. - Mm-hmm. 204 00:13:54,001 --> 00:13:55,535 It isn't. Well, whatever. 205 00:13:55,535 --> 00:13:59,106 We decided to meet up with the cars 206 00:13:59,106 --> 00:14:01,574 and settle this once and for all. 207 00:14:59,332 --> 00:15:04,237 The location we chose for this titanic duel was Portugal... 208 00:15:04,237 --> 00:15:09,176 specifically, the international race track of the Algarve. 209 00:15:15,515 --> 00:15:18,318 When we arrived, mechanics from Porsche 210 00:15:18,318 --> 00:15:20,453 and McLaren pounced on our cars, 211 00:15:20,453 --> 00:15:23,523 fettling them for what was to come. 212 00:15:23,523 --> 00:15:26,593 And this meant Hammond and I had some time to indulge 213 00:15:26,593 --> 00:15:30,597 in a spot of childish point scoring. 214 00:15:30,597 --> 00:15:33,833 Which one of these is going to be the fastest around this track? 215 00:15:33,833 --> 00:15:35,235 - This? - Yeah. 216 00:15:35,235 --> 00:15:37,537 Apart from this one, which will be faster. 217 00:15:37,537 --> 00:15:40,173 It won't. Which one do you think will be the fastest? 218 00:15:40,173 --> 00:15:42,109 - This one. - This one. 219 00:15:42,109 --> 00:15:45,412 Porsche think the Porsche will be fastest. McLaren say the McLaren. 220 00:15:45,412 --> 00:15:47,547 How much is it if I wanted to buy one? 221 00:15:47,547 --> 00:15:50,583 I think one was sold in an auction for 1.8 million. 222 00:15:50,583 --> 00:15:54,621 1.8 million dollars. Hammond, how much is yours? 223 00:15:54,621 --> 00:15:56,623 838 euros. 224 00:15:56,623 --> 00:15:59,492 - Thousand I'm guessing? - Yes. It is thousands. 225 00:15:59,492 --> 00:16:02,362 Why has your car got a number on the side? 226 00:16:02,362 --> 00:16:04,397 It's the Weissach edition, this one. 227 00:16:04,397 --> 00:16:06,433 - You also get titanium chassis bolts. - Stupid. 228 00:16:06,433 --> 00:16:08,568 For just an extra £60,000. 229 00:16:08,568 --> 00:16:12,405 And a carbon-fiber bonnet strut. 230 00:16:12,405 --> 00:16:13,806 Look at that. How much does that save? 231 00:16:13,806 --> 00:16:17,244 - About 100 grams. - Right there, 100 grams. 232 00:16:17,244 --> 00:16:19,779 Has the McLaren got a carbon-fiber bonnet strut? 233 00:16:19,779 --> 00:16:23,150 - Doesn't need one. - No, because my bonnet doesn't go up 234 00:16:23,150 --> 00:16:25,552 because it will never break down. 235 00:16:25,552 --> 00:16:28,488 And it's got silly doors. Proper doors, silly doors. 236 00:16:28,488 --> 00:16:32,125 Mine does 34 miles to the gallon. 237 00:16:32,125 --> 00:16:34,394 This does 94. 238 00:16:34,394 --> 00:16:36,529 - 94 miles to the gallon? - 94mpg. 239 00:16:36,529 --> 00:16:38,731 Just remind me, Porsche is owned by? 240 00:16:38,731 --> 00:16:40,667 That'll be Volkswagen. 241 00:16:46,106 --> 00:16:50,877 Soon the McLaren and the Porsche were ready for some shakedown laps. 242 00:16:50,877 --> 00:16:53,580 [REVVING] 243 00:16:53,580 --> 00:16:58,151 And for these we decided we'd drive each other's cars. 244 00:17:02,489 --> 00:17:04,291 Straight away, I can tell you 245 00:17:04,291 --> 00:17:07,760 that this doesn't have the brutality or the savagery 246 00:17:07,760 --> 00:17:10,697 of the McLaren. 247 00:17:10,697 --> 00:17:14,734 Because it has rear-wheel steering and four-wheel drive, 248 00:17:14,734 --> 00:17:17,637 it feels secure and safe. 249 00:17:17,637 --> 00:17:19,839 And that gives you the confidence-- 250 00:17:19,839 --> 00:17:22,309 [CHUCKLES] 251 00:17:22,309 --> 00:17:24,411 ...to play about. 252 00:17:28,715 --> 00:17:30,617 [TIRES SQUEALING] 253 00:17:33,920 --> 00:17:38,591 If I went round this corner this fast in the McLaren... 254 00:17:40,927 --> 00:17:43,463 ...a lot of poo would come out. 255 00:17:49,369 --> 00:17:52,239 Whoa! There's poo coming out now! 256 00:17:55,508 --> 00:17:56,476 Jesus. 257 00:17:58,545 --> 00:18:01,414 It's spinning its [BLEEP] wheels in sixth! 258 00:18:06,453 --> 00:18:08,821 This is frightening, that's what it is. 259 00:18:11,324 --> 00:18:14,161 Whoa! More poo. 260 00:18:14,161 --> 00:18:18,331 I didn't think it was possible to shit yourself to death. 261 00:18:23,903 --> 00:18:25,805 [CHUCKLES] 262 00:18:31,711 --> 00:18:35,182 The grip is genuinely incredible. 263 00:18:39,419 --> 00:18:42,021 Oh, there you go. 264 00:18:42,021 --> 00:18:45,192 RICHARD: In the savage and unforgiving P1, 265 00:18:45,192 --> 00:18:47,194 my nerves were shot to pieces. 266 00:18:47,194 --> 00:18:50,763 But I, too, was falling in love. 267 00:18:50,763 --> 00:18:53,366 903 horsepower. 268 00:18:55,968 --> 00:18:57,837 Oh, my God! 269 00:19:00,072 --> 00:19:02,209 Oh, you bad, bad, naughty car! 270 00:19:06,879 --> 00:19:08,481 Jesus. 271 00:19:10,550 --> 00:19:12,852 This recalibrates your mind. 272 00:19:12,852 --> 00:19:16,088 I didn't think anything could be as exciting as that Porsche, 273 00:19:16,088 --> 00:19:18,691 but this-- this is. 274 00:19:18,691 --> 00:19:21,294 [TIRES SCREECH] 275 00:19:22,395 --> 00:19:24,397 This is brilliant. 276 00:19:25,965 --> 00:19:30,002 Absolutely brilliant. 277 00:19:30,002 --> 00:19:32,038 Oh. 278 00:19:32,038 --> 00:19:34,073 What a car. 279 00:19:34,073 --> 00:19:35,575 I love it. 280 00:19:38,245 --> 00:19:41,080 - Well? - This is rubbish! 281 00:19:41,080 --> 00:19:43,450 I was just thinking exactly the same about this. 282 00:19:43,450 --> 00:19:45,151 - Were you? - This was boring me to death. 283 00:19:45,151 --> 00:19:49,656 It was like being stuck in a Victorian woman's novel. 284 00:19:49,656 --> 00:19:53,526 I'd rather that than being stuck in a telephone box with a panicking gorilla. 285 00:19:53,526 --> 00:19:55,562 - Rubbish. - It was trying to kill me. 286 00:19:55,562 --> 00:19:57,597 - It wants to hurt me. - That's why I like it. 287 00:19:57,597 --> 00:19:59,899 This is a missionary-position car. 288 00:19:59,899 --> 00:20:01,968 Razor blade in the hands of a surgeon. 289 00:20:01,968 --> 00:20:05,238 Sickle in the hands of a drunk peasant. 290 00:20:05,238 --> 00:20:08,908 Downton Abbey. Breaking Bad. That's crystal meth. 291 00:20:08,908 --> 00:20:10,577 That's some iffy weed. 292 00:20:10,577 --> 00:20:14,213 Fine wine. Crate of Newcy Brown. 293 00:20:15,282 --> 00:20:18,318 Schooner of sherry. Absinthe. 294 00:20:18,318 --> 00:20:20,086 James Bond specifying 295 00:20:20,086 --> 00:20:22,121 his martini to be shaken not stirred. 296 00:20:22,121 --> 00:20:23,656 Begbie in Trainspotting 297 00:20:23,656 --> 00:20:25,458 lobbing a pint pot over his shoulder in a night club 298 00:20:25,458 --> 00:20:28,261 and starting a bar fight. What? 299 00:20:33,165 --> 00:20:34,834 Hi. 300 00:20:34,834 --> 00:20:36,669 What are you doing here? 301 00:20:36,669 --> 00:20:38,705 I'm here because, gentlemen, 302 00:20:38,705 --> 00:20:40,740 I have in the back of that lorry 303 00:20:40,740 --> 00:20:43,576 something that will make your McLaren and your Porsche 304 00:20:43,576 --> 00:20:45,978 look like lumps of yesteryear. 305 00:20:52,084 --> 00:20:54,020 [REVVING] 306 00:21:13,973 --> 00:21:15,875 I cannot remember the last time a car, 307 00:21:15,875 --> 00:21:17,777 or, indeed, any sort of thing, 308 00:21:17,777 --> 00:21:20,580 gave me a fizz like the Ferrari LaFerrari. 309 00:21:22,349 --> 00:21:25,385 This has 950 horsepower. 310 00:21:25,385 --> 00:21:26,886 950. 311 00:21:28,355 --> 00:21:30,189 More than either of the other two. 312 00:21:30,189 --> 00:21:32,992 And it's lighter. It weighs 1,250 kilograms. 313 00:21:35,928 --> 00:21:38,898 Which is less than most hatchbacks. 314 00:21:41,601 --> 00:21:43,870 Actually there is a bit more to the Ferrari LaFerrari, 315 00:21:43,870 --> 00:21:48,675 because what it has is, in effect, a formula one KERS system. 316 00:21:48,675 --> 00:21:53,546 It constantly recovers energy that would otherwise be lost 317 00:21:53,546 --> 00:21:55,948 using its electric motor and its battery. 318 00:21:55,948 --> 00:21:58,751 So as I brake there, 319 00:21:58,751 --> 00:22:02,622 the car is actually saying, "That energy, I'll have that." 320 00:22:03,890 --> 00:22:05,825 Straight! 321 00:22:07,026 --> 00:22:10,630 This is what 950 horsepower feels like! 322 00:22:15,301 --> 00:22:17,437 Jesus! 323 00:22:21,273 --> 00:22:25,678 This I believe will absolutely mince the other two. 324 00:22:25,678 --> 00:22:27,580 Oh, man! 325 00:22:29,315 --> 00:22:32,485 JEREMY: James was obviously talking nonsense. 326 00:22:32,485 --> 00:22:34,787 But there's no getting around the fact 327 00:22:34,787 --> 00:22:37,023 that these three cars take automotive science 328 00:22:37,023 --> 00:22:38,958 to a new level. 329 00:22:41,260 --> 00:22:43,963 They use the latest green technology 330 00:22:43,963 --> 00:22:46,733 to squeeze as much speed as possible 331 00:22:46,733 --> 00:22:49,536 from every molecule of fuel. 332 00:22:51,070 --> 00:22:54,240 As a result, they're all capable of blasting 333 00:22:54,240 --> 00:22:56,676 way past 200 miles an hour 334 00:22:56,676 --> 00:23:00,947 whilst producing fewer harmful emissions than a family saloon. 335 00:23:06,352 --> 00:23:11,057 What we have here, then, are three incredible machines 336 00:23:11,057 --> 00:23:12,892 which, at a stroke, 337 00:23:12,892 --> 00:23:16,128 have made the traditional supercar look wooden... 338 00:23:16,128 --> 00:23:18,064 and old-fashioned. 339 00:23:20,867 --> 00:23:24,637 Welcome, everyone, to the hypercar holy trinity. 340 00:23:28,040 --> 00:23:32,745 In that door mirror I have a £1 million Porsche. 341 00:23:32,745 --> 00:23:36,883 In that door mirror I have a £1 million Ferrari. 342 00:23:39,218 --> 00:23:40,820 What a toy box today. 343 00:23:47,660 --> 00:23:49,796 Sparks from Jezzer. 344 00:23:56,268 --> 00:23:58,204 I don't think so, Hammond. 345 00:23:58,204 --> 00:24:00,139 [TIRES SQUEALING] 346 00:24:05,745 --> 00:24:07,880 This could be so expensive. 347 00:24:17,724 --> 00:24:19,759 It's going to boost. 348 00:24:19,759 --> 00:24:22,128 Pushing the IPAS button! 349 00:24:22,128 --> 00:24:26,132 And that gives me another 170 horsepower. 350 00:24:26,132 --> 00:24:27,800 [LAUGHING] 351 00:24:28,935 --> 00:24:30,737 Opening DRS! 352 00:24:32,539 --> 00:24:34,541 Oh, my Christ! 353 00:24:34,541 --> 00:24:36,909 Bloody... 354 00:24:36,909 --> 00:24:39,746 And here comes May in the Ferrari LaFerrari. 355 00:24:44,984 --> 00:24:47,954 Concentrating. Concentrating. 356 00:24:59,832 --> 00:25:02,234 Oh-oh! That bloody car 357 00:25:02,234 --> 00:25:04,236 is trying to kill me, and I'm not even in it. 358 00:25:07,139 --> 00:25:08,908 Ha-ha! 359 00:25:19,586 --> 00:25:22,454 JEREMY: We could have played out there all day, 360 00:25:22,454 --> 00:25:26,092 but before we ended up in a £3 million crash, 361 00:25:26,092 --> 00:25:28,127 we decided to start the tests 362 00:25:28,127 --> 00:25:30,963 to see which of the cars was best. 363 00:25:30,963 --> 00:25:32,632 I came up with the first one, 364 00:25:32,632 --> 00:25:36,102 mainly to annoy gate-crasher May. 365 00:25:36,102 --> 00:25:39,105 Let's make the first test a drag race 366 00:25:39,105 --> 00:25:43,042 - using electrical power only. - Good idea. 367 00:25:43,042 --> 00:25:45,778 - It isn't a good idea. - Why not? 368 00:25:45,778 --> 00:25:48,615 Because you can't drive the Ferrari on electrical power only. 369 00:25:48,615 --> 00:25:51,618 - No! - Of course you can't, 370 00:25:51,618 --> 00:25:53,686 because it's a KERS system like a Formula One car. 371 00:25:53,686 --> 00:25:56,623 It's got a V12 engine and an electric motor, 372 00:25:56,623 --> 00:25:59,391 but they are integrated, they work together, you can't separate them. 373 00:25:59,391 --> 00:26:03,129 - You should have thought about that, shouldn't you? - Bad planning. 374 00:26:04,831 --> 00:26:07,634 With James reduced to the role of onlooker, 375 00:26:07,634 --> 00:26:11,170 we lined up the P1 and the 918 on the start line, 376 00:26:11,170 --> 00:26:15,274 but then, instead of revving the petrol engines, 377 00:26:15,274 --> 00:26:17,644 we shut them down. 378 00:26:21,848 --> 00:26:23,883 That is weird. 379 00:26:23,883 --> 00:26:27,186 Preparing to start a drag race 380 00:26:27,186 --> 00:26:29,555 in complete silence. 381 00:26:29,555 --> 00:26:32,191 I still have two electric motors 382 00:26:32,191 --> 00:26:35,527 that together produce 285 brake horsepower 383 00:26:35,527 --> 00:26:37,163 which is 109 more 384 00:26:37,163 --> 00:26:42,301 than the one electric motor in his McLaren. Oh, yeah. 385 00:26:43,535 --> 00:26:46,172 [BEEPING] 386 00:26:47,273 --> 00:26:49,175 [BEEP AND KLAXON] 387 00:26:52,679 --> 00:26:54,847 I'm outta here! 388 00:26:54,847 --> 00:26:57,483 You've got to love that, the immediate power 389 00:26:57,483 --> 00:26:59,919 from an electrical engine. 390 00:26:59,919 --> 00:27:03,956 That is 70 miles an hour already and it isn't enough. 391 00:27:03,956 --> 00:27:05,858 [RICHARD LAUGHING] 392 00:27:08,327 --> 00:27:10,697 [LAUGHING] 393 00:27:16,703 --> 00:27:19,772 Who won that? It was me, wasn't it? 394 00:27:19,772 --> 00:27:21,808 Yeah, but it's not important though, is it? 395 00:27:21,808 --> 00:27:23,575 - Is it not? - It's just not relevant. 396 00:27:23,575 --> 00:27:25,177 Right, right. 397 00:27:25,177 --> 00:27:27,880 In a drag race, it's irrelevant which car gets there first? 398 00:27:27,880 --> 00:27:31,117 Yeah, yours is the better milk float. 399 00:27:31,117 --> 00:27:33,585 [LAUGHS] 400 00:27:33,585 --> 00:27:38,024 Back in the pits, Hammond had an idea for the next test. 401 00:27:38,024 --> 00:27:41,227 We've got to drive to the hotel yet. It's about an hour away. 402 00:27:41,227 --> 00:27:43,730 It gives us a chance to see what they're like on the road. 403 00:27:43,730 --> 00:27:46,165 - That's a good point. - Real world. 404 00:27:46,165 --> 00:27:49,235 - That is a good point. - I can't do that. 405 00:27:49,235 --> 00:27:51,270 I can't drive the Ferrari on the road. 406 00:27:51,270 --> 00:27:53,605 - Why? - It's not registered. 407 00:27:53,605 --> 00:27:55,341 It is, it's got number plates. 408 00:27:55,341 --> 00:27:57,209 No, that's just pretend number plates. 409 00:27:57,209 --> 00:27:59,145 If they register it, it becomes second-hand 410 00:27:59,145 --> 00:28:00,947 and they pay tax. That's why it came in the lorry. 411 00:28:00,947 --> 00:28:02,982 So you can't drive it on the road either? 412 00:28:02,982 --> 00:28:05,017 Nobody can drive it. It's not road legal. 413 00:28:05,017 --> 00:28:07,754 - Oh, no. - Mate, that's... 414 00:28:07,754 --> 00:28:10,356 - That is such a shame. - It's an hour of-- 415 00:28:10,356 --> 00:28:12,491 That's really a rotten bit of luck. 416 00:28:12,491 --> 00:28:14,626 'Cause you've come a long way from Italy. 417 00:28:14,626 --> 00:28:16,495 I can't give you a lift 418 00:28:16,495 --> 00:28:19,365 'cause the soundman's headphones are on the seat and the mixer. 419 00:28:19,365 --> 00:28:21,167 JAMES: Oh, no. 420 00:28:21,167 --> 00:28:23,069 There's literally nothing I can do. 421 00:28:26,338 --> 00:28:28,307 Soon Richard and I were enjoying 422 00:28:28,307 --> 00:28:31,778 the world's best-ever commute. 423 00:28:39,218 --> 00:28:41,253 It may be a bit Spartan in here, 424 00:28:41,253 --> 00:28:43,790 but it's unbelievably comfortable. 425 00:28:44,690 --> 00:28:47,960 Because it uses electronics 426 00:28:47,960 --> 00:28:50,229 rather than traditional anti-roll bars. 427 00:28:50,229 --> 00:28:52,464 That means there's no physical connection 428 00:28:52,464 --> 00:28:54,300 between the wheels. 429 00:28:54,300 --> 00:28:58,437 So if one goes over a bump the others aren't affected. 430 00:28:58,437 --> 00:29:01,473 It's uncanny. It's like being in a Rolls-Royce Phantom. 431 00:29:04,977 --> 00:29:08,714 It's a lovely evening. Taken the roof panels out. 432 00:29:08,714 --> 00:29:10,817 Set the air-con just so. 433 00:29:10,817 --> 00:29:12,919 And I'm enjoying a drive in the country. 434 00:29:21,393 --> 00:29:22,962 [CHUCKLES] 435 00:29:26,532 --> 00:29:28,467 JEREMY: Meanwhile... 436 00:29:57,997 --> 00:29:59,165 [CHUCKLES] 437 00:30:03,069 --> 00:30:06,272 JAMES: Oh, bloody hell. 438 00:30:06,272 --> 00:30:08,207 [BEEPING] 439 00:30:09,375 --> 00:30:11,210 You're all right. 440 00:30:11,210 --> 00:30:13,679 You're all right, in Italian. 441 00:30:13,679 --> 00:30:15,814 [CAR HORN] 442 00:30:18,750 --> 00:30:20,887 [CAR HORNS] 443 00:30:22,354 --> 00:30:24,390 Oh, God. 444 00:30:24,390 --> 00:30:26,325 [CHEERING] 445 00:30:30,362 --> 00:30:32,331 - James. - What? 446 00:30:32,331 --> 00:30:35,902 I'm sorry to have to say this, but that Ferrari is useless. 447 00:30:35,902 --> 00:30:38,637 Yes, yes, yes. Later on in part two, 448 00:30:38,637 --> 00:30:40,940 when these two have stopped dreaming up 449 00:30:40,940 --> 00:30:42,641 idiotic and irrelevant tests 450 00:30:42,641 --> 00:30:46,478 that it can't take part in, we shall see. 451 00:30:46,478 --> 00:30:48,314 Fair enough. Now, 452 00:30:48,314 --> 00:30:50,816 at this point in the show we like to sit down 453 00:30:50,816 --> 00:30:54,286 and chew the fat about new cars and motoring issues. 454 00:30:54,286 --> 00:30:57,990 Like, for example, why in Britain we have to drive at 50 miles an hour 455 00:30:57,990 --> 00:31:01,627 when they're doing roadworks to protect the workforce which is never there. 456 00:31:01,627 --> 00:31:03,329 Yes, okay... 457 00:31:03,329 --> 00:31:05,331 And why fully-grown adults 458 00:31:05,331 --> 00:31:08,767 have taken to riding around the city on children's toys? 459 00:31:08,767 --> 00:31:11,270 - Yes, okay. - I think they're called bicycles. 460 00:31:11,270 --> 00:31:13,839 - Is that the right word? - It's issues like that. 461 00:31:13,839 --> 00:31:17,209 It's a segment we are calling Conversation Street. 462 00:31:17,209 --> 00:31:19,345 ♫♫ [JAZZY TUNE] 463 00:31:22,848 --> 00:31:24,616 [LAUGHTER] 464 00:31:24,616 --> 00:31:27,653 - Well... - What? 465 00:31:27,653 --> 00:31:29,688 [CHEERING] 466 00:31:29,688 --> 00:31:32,024 We put a lot of work into that! 467 00:31:32,024 --> 00:31:35,962 It was really, really hard doing that. 468 00:31:35,962 --> 00:31:39,365 Better than that, rather brilliantly, we have made 469 00:31:39,365 --> 00:31:41,733 a bespoke version of that sting 470 00:31:41,733 --> 00:31:43,269 for every single episode 471 00:31:43,269 --> 00:31:45,504 we're gonna make for the next three years. 472 00:31:45,504 --> 00:31:47,539 How about that? 473 00:31:47,539 --> 00:31:49,641 [CHEERING] 474 00:31:49,641 --> 00:31:51,877 But hold on. The slight problem with that 475 00:31:51,877 --> 00:31:53,712 is that we were so busy doing that 476 00:31:53,712 --> 00:31:56,682 we didn't think actually of anything to talk about. 477 00:31:56,682 --> 00:31:58,517 - We did. - Yeah. 478 00:31:58,517 --> 00:32:00,752 - What? - You'll love this. 479 00:32:00,752 --> 00:32:06,658 James May, the world's slowest moving human being, 480 00:32:06,658 --> 00:32:10,029 has been caught speeding. 481 00:32:10,029 --> 00:32:12,698 [GASPS OF SURPRISE] 482 00:32:12,698 --> 00:32:14,500 Actually charged by the police. 483 00:32:14,500 --> 00:32:17,169 Criminal. 484 00:32:17,169 --> 00:32:18,704 He's actually quite proud of it. 485 00:32:18,704 --> 00:32:22,208 He did it on a Honda CBR 600RR sports bike. 486 00:32:23,909 --> 00:32:25,177 The thing was... 487 00:32:25,177 --> 00:32:27,613 [OVERLAPPING CHATTER] 488 00:32:27,613 --> 00:32:30,316 Richard and I were genuinely astonished. 489 00:32:30,316 --> 00:32:31,750 He came into the office and said, 490 00:32:31,750 --> 00:32:34,153 "I've been done for speeding." 491 00:32:34,153 --> 00:32:37,123 Until we found out how fast he was going. 492 00:32:37,123 --> 00:32:39,558 James, how fast was it again? 493 00:32:39,558 --> 00:32:42,161 37 miles an hour. 494 00:32:42,161 --> 00:32:45,397 Crazy! Mad man! 495 00:32:45,397 --> 00:32:48,467 How did you even breathe at that kind of speed? 496 00:32:48,467 --> 00:32:51,503 How did the police catch you? Were they running? 497 00:32:52,938 --> 00:32:55,374 Gentle jog for sure. 498 00:32:55,374 --> 00:32:57,409 The thing is, if you've been caught, 499 00:32:57,409 --> 00:32:59,778 'cause we genuinely don't believe anyone in the world has, 500 00:32:59,778 --> 00:33:04,583 but if you've been caught speeding at a speed less than 37, 501 00:33:04,583 --> 00:33:07,653 do honestly please write to us and let us know. 502 00:33:07,653 --> 00:33:09,688 'Cause we don't think it's possible. 503 00:33:09,688 --> 00:33:12,458 And mark your envelope, "I'm a tortoise." 504 00:33:12,458 --> 00:33:14,660 And that is all we have time for this week 505 00:33:14,660 --> 00:33:16,095 on Conversation Street. 506 00:33:16,095 --> 00:33:17,463 - Whoa! Hang on a minute. - What? 507 00:33:17,463 --> 00:33:18,830 The first-ever show, and you just mock me 508 00:33:18,830 --> 00:33:21,300 for my speeding ticket and then we move on? 509 00:33:21,300 --> 00:33:23,302 It's a busy show. 510 00:33:23,302 --> 00:33:26,372 It is a busy show. We've got to tell everyone about our track. 511 00:33:26,372 --> 00:33:29,441 - Yes, we have one. - [CHEERING] 512 00:33:29,441 --> 00:33:32,378 This is the sort of place where you can drive cars 513 00:33:32,378 --> 00:33:34,346 at speeds that you can do on the road 514 00:33:34,346 --> 00:33:36,948 but only if you want to go to prison afterwards. 515 00:33:36,948 --> 00:33:38,750 What, like 38 miles an hour? 516 00:33:38,750 --> 00:33:42,454 39 maybe even, 40 from time to time. 517 00:33:42,454 --> 00:33:44,423 Now, we were hoping that we could bring it 518 00:33:44,423 --> 00:33:46,425 round the world with us like the tent. 519 00:33:46,425 --> 00:33:50,229 But unfortunately it's too heavy, 520 00:33:50,229 --> 00:33:53,099 and, as you are about to see, too bitey. 521 00:33:57,869 --> 00:33:59,905 This is it. 522 00:33:59,905 --> 00:34:01,740 It's not a race circuit. 523 00:34:01,740 --> 00:34:04,843 It's not an airfield. 524 00:34:04,843 --> 00:34:07,379 It's not a road. 525 00:34:07,379 --> 00:34:10,716 What it is is brilliant and fast. 526 00:34:11,950 --> 00:34:14,120 And extremely dangerous. 527 00:34:15,554 --> 00:34:17,823 It even looks dangerous on a map. 528 00:34:17,823 --> 00:34:21,160 Because as you can see, it's the exact same shape 529 00:34:21,160 --> 00:34:23,295 as the Ebola virus. 530 00:34:25,564 --> 00:34:29,635 Right, time now to show you what a lap looks like. 531 00:34:29,635 --> 00:34:33,139 To do that we've got a bit of a performance benchmark. 532 00:34:33,139 --> 00:34:35,141 A Ferrari 488. 533 00:34:35,141 --> 00:34:37,143 Take it away. 534 00:34:37,143 --> 00:34:39,178 [REVVING] 535 00:34:39,178 --> 00:34:40,779 Take it away. 536 00:34:43,582 --> 00:34:45,951 First up, it's the Isn't Straight, 537 00:34:45,951 --> 00:34:49,455 so called because it isn't straight. 538 00:34:49,455 --> 00:34:53,959 There is a super-fast left followed by a super-fast right. 539 00:34:53,959 --> 00:34:57,863 And if you make a mistake, there's no run-off area or Armco. 540 00:34:57,863 --> 00:35:01,167 It's just woods. 541 00:35:01,167 --> 00:35:03,169 Woods that are full of wildlife 542 00:35:03,169 --> 00:35:05,871 which likes to run out in front of you. 543 00:35:08,240 --> 00:35:11,410 After the second right on the Isn't Straight, 544 00:35:11,410 --> 00:35:14,180 we're into Your Name Here Corner. 545 00:35:15,714 --> 00:35:18,450 Sponsorship opportunities are available here. 546 00:35:18,450 --> 00:35:20,486 However, I should explain 547 00:35:20,486 --> 00:35:23,589 that it's possible nobody will be looking at your banner 548 00:35:23,589 --> 00:35:25,957 because this is a corner that was designed 549 00:35:25,957 --> 00:35:28,427 so a car can do this. 550 00:35:40,339 --> 00:35:41,840 [TIRES SCREECH] 551 00:35:41,840 --> 00:35:43,108 Ladies and gentlemen, 552 00:35:43,108 --> 00:35:46,245 James May... isn't here today. 553 00:35:46,245 --> 00:35:47,679 That's just a friend of mine 554 00:35:47,679 --> 00:35:51,850 on his way back up the Isn't Straight... 555 00:35:51,850 --> 00:35:54,220 towards Old Lady's House. 556 00:35:55,787 --> 00:35:58,457 We've called this section Old Lady's House, 557 00:35:58,457 --> 00:36:00,492 because it's right next to a house 558 00:36:00,492 --> 00:36:04,129 where an old lady lives. 559 00:36:04,129 --> 00:36:06,998 She tells us she likes cars. 560 00:36:06,998 --> 00:36:09,835 Says she used to have one. 561 00:36:09,835 --> 00:36:12,771 Not sure she's going to like them quite so much 562 00:36:12,771 --> 00:36:14,773 after we've been here a few times. 563 00:36:14,773 --> 00:36:17,909 [TIRES SQUEALING] 564 00:36:17,909 --> 00:36:20,779 Next up, there's a narrow and bumpy sprint 565 00:36:20,779 --> 00:36:23,515 to Sub Station. 566 00:36:23,515 --> 00:36:25,884 You need to get this 90-left right, 567 00:36:25,884 --> 00:36:28,887 or you'll crash into a cage full of electricity. 568 00:36:31,056 --> 00:36:34,360 And you'll need to get the final 90-left right as well, 569 00:36:34,360 --> 00:36:36,928 or you'll run into a field of sheep. 570 00:36:40,799 --> 00:36:43,001 So, trees, animals, 571 00:36:43,001 --> 00:36:44,936 a house, electricity, 572 00:36:44,936 --> 00:36:46,772 and because it's in England, 573 00:36:46,772 --> 00:36:48,940 usually quite a lot of moisture in the air. 574 00:36:48,940 --> 00:36:53,345 It really is the most dangerous track anywhere in the world. 575 00:36:53,345 --> 00:36:55,381 To post a fast time here, 576 00:36:55,381 --> 00:36:59,017 you do need... 577 00:36:59,017 --> 00:37:00,952 those. 578 00:37:06,758 --> 00:37:09,728 The car I've selected for my first lap 579 00:37:09,728 --> 00:37:12,364 of the Eboladrome is this. 580 00:37:15,967 --> 00:37:18,404 The BMW M2. 581 00:37:32,784 --> 00:37:35,987 Sadly, there isn't the time in this, our first-ever show, 582 00:37:35,987 --> 00:37:39,558 to do a full road test of this car, 583 00:37:39,558 --> 00:37:42,894 but there is time to say that I think 584 00:37:42,894 --> 00:37:46,798 this is the best M car BMW has ever made. 585 00:38:00,346 --> 00:38:02,381 In a lot of fast cars these days, 586 00:38:02,381 --> 00:38:04,550 you get all sorts of knobs and buttons 587 00:38:04,550 --> 00:38:07,353 which you can use to change-- 588 00:38:07,353 --> 00:38:08,654 I say change-- I mean ruin 589 00:38:08,654 --> 00:38:10,088 the characteristics of the engine 590 00:38:10,088 --> 00:38:12,958 and the suspension and the steering and so on. 591 00:38:12,958 --> 00:38:15,160 And I always think, isn't that like a chef 592 00:38:15,160 --> 00:38:16,995 bringing a fish to your table 593 00:38:16,995 --> 00:38:19,598 and an oven and some butter and a bit of parsley, 594 00:38:19,598 --> 00:38:21,600 and saying, "Cook it yourself"? No. 595 00:38:21,600 --> 00:38:23,969 You cook it, it's what I'm paying for. 596 00:38:25,371 --> 00:38:27,373 This car, happily, has a more 597 00:38:27,373 --> 00:38:29,207 back-to-basics approach. 598 00:38:29,207 --> 00:38:32,043 In the M2, you get a little rocker switch down here 599 00:38:32,043 --> 00:38:34,746 which does nothing at all 600 00:38:34,746 --> 00:38:37,849 as far as I can see, and that's it. 601 00:38:37,849 --> 00:38:40,786 You're buying a car which was set up at the factory 602 00:38:40,786 --> 00:38:44,490 by engineers who know what they're doing. 603 00:38:44,490 --> 00:38:47,025 And all you have to do is enjoy it. 604 00:38:49,227 --> 00:38:50,962 Which I am doing. 605 00:38:57,002 --> 00:38:58,670 Yes, look at this. 606 00:38:58,670 --> 00:39:00,906 Oh, yeah, loving that. 607 00:39:00,906 --> 00:39:02,741 [CHUCKLES] 608 00:39:02,741 --> 00:39:05,611 I'll do that again, actually, and make sure-- 609 00:39:05,611 --> 00:39:07,879 make sure I was correct. 610 00:39:15,421 --> 00:39:16,755 There's hardly any understeer at all. 611 00:39:16,755 --> 00:39:20,158 Poke the back out and hold it there. 612 00:39:20,158 --> 00:39:22,994 Yeah! [LAUGHS] 613 00:39:22,994 --> 00:39:24,830 I'll do that again... 614 00:39:24,830 --> 00:39:26,632 only going the other way. 615 00:39:26,632 --> 00:39:28,767 Wrong way round Your Name Here. 616 00:39:31,570 --> 00:39:36,174 Klaus and Fritz, I am loving your work. 617 00:39:36,174 --> 00:39:39,945 Oh, I made a mess of that. But I'll just do this, 618 00:39:39,945 --> 00:39:42,614 and it'll look like I did it on purpose. 619 00:39:44,082 --> 00:39:46,518 With the tires begging for mercy, 620 00:39:46,518 --> 00:39:48,219 I got back onto the Isn't 621 00:39:48,219 --> 00:39:52,090 and unleashed 365 rampaging horsepowers 622 00:39:52,090 --> 00:39:55,761 from the turbo-charged three-liter straight six. 623 00:39:57,496 --> 00:40:00,466 This isn't as fast in a straight line 624 00:40:00,466 --> 00:40:03,234 as an M3, but everywhere else... 625 00:40:03,234 --> 00:40:05,070 it is better. 626 00:40:05,070 --> 00:40:08,540 It feels less heavy, less cumbersome. 627 00:40:14,079 --> 00:40:17,616 And due to the unique characteristics of our straight, 628 00:40:17,616 --> 00:40:20,552 I can tell the steering is less... 629 00:40:20,552 --> 00:40:22,921 It's less twitchy. 630 00:40:27,593 --> 00:40:31,296 This track was designed to trip cars up. 631 00:40:31,296 --> 00:40:33,465 There are fast corners, 632 00:40:33,465 --> 00:40:35,333 slow corners, 633 00:40:35,333 --> 00:40:37,836 drifty corners, and bumps. 634 00:40:37,836 --> 00:40:40,171 It's hard on the tires. 635 00:40:40,171 --> 00:40:43,775 It's hard on the brakes. It's hard on the engine. 636 00:40:43,775 --> 00:40:47,546 It's point and squirt and bark and yelp. 637 00:40:47,546 --> 00:40:49,681 It is vicious. 638 00:40:52,117 --> 00:40:56,855 But there is nothing here which has flummoxed the M2. 639 00:40:56,855 --> 00:41:00,559 This thing is an absolute masterpiece. 640 00:41:03,394 --> 00:41:06,532 Like I said, it is the best M car 641 00:41:06,532 --> 00:41:08,233 BMW has ever made. 642 00:41:11,236 --> 00:41:13,639 You may think it's mad to suggest 643 00:41:13,639 --> 00:41:16,207 the cheapest M car is the best, 644 00:41:16,207 --> 00:41:18,043 but look at it this way, 645 00:41:18,043 --> 00:41:21,379 this track is a lot cheaper than Silverstone. 646 00:41:21,379 --> 00:41:24,182 And I know which one I'd rather drive round. 647 00:41:30,388 --> 00:41:32,558 [CHEERING] 648 00:41:36,427 --> 00:41:38,463 Go drive an M2. Unbelievable. 649 00:41:38,463 --> 00:41:41,567 What? 650 00:41:41,567 --> 00:41:45,103 Why is there that zigzag at Old Lady's House? 651 00:41:45,103 --> 00:41:47,272 - That wasn't there when I went. - No, that wasn't. 652 00:41:47,272 --> 00:41:49,340 But after you'd left, we discovered there is 653 00:41:49,340 --> 00:41:52,110 an unexploded Second World War bomb, seriously, 654 00:41:52,110 --> 00:41:55,914 right where the track was, so we had to go round it. 655 00:41:55,914 --> 00:41:57,448 - Fair enough. - Let me get this right. 656 00:41:57,448 --> 00:42:01,219 At our track, there's trees, animals, 657 00:42:01,219 --> 00:42:03,054 moisture, electricity, 658 00:42:03,054 --> 00:42:05,090 a house, and an unexploded bomb? 659 00:42:05,090 --> 00:42:08,026 Yeah. Like I said, it's the most dangerous track in the world. 660 00:42:08,026 --> 00:42:12,030 Honestly, it makes Imola look like a duvet. Honestly. 661 00:42:12,030 --> 00:42:15,801 Anyway, all the cars that we test at the Eboladrome 662 00:42:15,801 --> 00:42:17,636 will do a timed lap. 663 00:42:17,636 --> 00:42:20,205 And to make sure it's a completely level playing field, 664 00:42:20,205 --> 00:42:24,175 they will all be driven by the same racing driver. 665 00:42:24,175 --> 00:42:26,011 AUDIENCE: Ooh! 666 00:42:26,011 --> 00:42:28,246 We thought about this. We gave it some thought. 667 00:42:28,246 --> 00:42:30,148 How clever is that? Now... 668 00:42:30,148 --> 00:42:31,617 [LAUGHTER] 669 00:42:31,617 --> 00:42:33,985 The thing is, Amazon insisted 670 00:42:33,985 --> 00:42:35,621 that the racing driver in question 671 00:42:35,621 --> 00:42:37,656 should be from this side of the pond. 672 00:42:37,656 --> 00:42:41,727 So we went to something called NASCAR? 673 00:42:41,727 --> 00:42:44,362 And we found one. We shipped him to England 674 00:42:44,362 --> 00:42:47,633 and then we introduced him to the complicated procedure 675 00:42:47,633 --> 00:42:51,502 which involves turning right. 676 00:42:51,502 --> 00:42:52,904 He's called Mike Skinner, 677 00:42:52,904 --> 00:42:55,506 but we know him simply as "the American." 678 00:42:55,506 --> 00:42:57,208 We should warn you 679 00:42:57,208 --> 00:43:00,178 that some of his views are quite strong. 680 00:43:00,178 --> 00:43:02,881 Yes, he has very specific views, for example, 681 00:43:02,881 --> 00:43:05,283 on cars that have engines with fewer than eight cylinders. 682 00:43:05,283 --> 00:43:07,485 - Communist. - Or more than eight cylinders. 683 00:43:07,485 --> 00:43:10,722 - Communist. - Or cars that have their engine in the middle. 684 00:43:10,722 --> 00:43:12,724 Communist. 685 00:43:12,724 --> 00:43:15,827 Everything that isn't American really with a V8 is communist. 686 00:43:15,827 --> 00:43:18,897 So let's see how he gets on with the M2. 687 00:43:18,897 --> 00:43:20,932 There he is. 688 00:43:20,932 --> 00:43:23,268 Looking utterly bewildered. 689 00:43:25,003 --> 00:43:28,306 But he's off. A skitter of a wheel spin. 690 00:43:28,306 --> 00:43:30,742 And immediately he's onto the Isn't Straight. 691 00:43:30,742 --> 00:43:33,211 There is a right there that will have confused him. 692 00:43:33,211 --> 00:43:34,746 Now a left, he'll be good at that. 693 00:43:34,746 --> 00:43:35,781 Now he can open the taps. 694 00:43:35,781 --> 00:43:40,251 Three liters, six cylinders. 695 00:43:40,251 --> 00:43:41,953 This thing wouldn't pull a greasy string 696 00:43:41,953 --> 00:43:43,855 out of a dog's ass. 697 00:43:43,855 --> 00:43:48,727 JEREMY: I've literally no idea what he's talking about. 698 00:43:48,727 --> 00:43:51,462 Where I come from, this ain't a car. 699 00:43:51,462 --> 00:43:53,699 It's a cry for help. 700 00:43:53,699 --> 00:43:55,533 JEREMY: Whatever. 701 00:43:55,533 --> 00:43:57,903 He's through the final corner on the Isn't Straight. 702 00:43:57,903 --> 00:44:00,706 Into Your Name Here. Hard on the brakes. 703 00:44:00,706 --> 00:44:02,708 Grabbing the stick, 704 00:44:02,708 --> 00:44:04,710 which is on the left-hand side of where he's sitting, 705 00:44:04,710 --> 00:44:06,177 and turning in. 706 00:44:06,177 --> 00:44:08,379 See what I mean? No understeer at all. 707 00:44:08,379 --> 00:44:10,481 Damn tracks are narrower than my driveway. 708 00:44:10,481 --> 00:44:13,284 Yeah, that's 'cause it doesn't have a monster truck on it. 709 00:44:13,284 --> 00:44:17,155 Wonder which one of them came up with this thing. 710 00:44:17,155 --> 00:44:20,358 The tall one? The short one? Or the one with the girly hair? 711 00:44:20,358 --> 00:44:23,561 JEREMY: Okay, coming up to Old Lady's House. 712 00:44:23,561 --> 00:44:25,030 Hard on the brakes. 713 00:44:25,030 --> 00:44:27,933 Turning in, round the unexploded bomb, 714 00:44:27,933 --> 00:44:30,568 and now opening the taps again. 715 00:44:30,568 --> 00:44:33,104 No turbo lag at all, 716 00:44:33,104 --> 00:44:35,506 as he hammers down the bumpy back straight 717 00:44:35,506 --> 00:44:37,342 towards Sub Station. 718 00:44:37,342 --> 00:44:39,177 This is a 90-left, 719 00:44:39,177 --> 00:44:41,046 new Tarmac but it held it well. 720 00:44:41,046 --> 00:44:44,082 One more 90-left to go through Field Of Sheep. 721 00:44:44,082 --> 00:44:47,185 And he's done it well. And across the line. 722 00:44:47,185 --> 00:44:49,120 [CHEERING] 723 00:44:50,956 --> 00:44:53,624 First one. That's good. 724 00:44:53,624 --> 00:44:55,193 He's great. 725 00:44:55,193 --> 00:44:58,163 He's great going left and right. Amazing. 726 00:44:58,163 --> 00:45:00,031 To make sure that the M2-- 727 00:45:00,031 --> 00:45:02,968 that wasn't on the lap board all by itself, 728 00:45:02,968 --> 00:45:06,004 we got the American to put other benchmark cars-- 729 00:45:06,004 --> 00:45:10,141 we call them benchmark cars, he calls them communist-- 730 00:45:10,141 --> 00:45:12,177 around the track, to see what's what. 731 00:45:12,177 --> 00:45:14,112 There they all are: McLaren, Audi and so forth. 732 00:45:14,112 --> 00:45:16,314 Hang on a minute. We saw a Ferrari 488 733 00:45:16,314 --> 00:45:17,783 at the track in the film earlier on. 734 00:45:17,783 --> 00:45:19,017 Why isn't that on there? 735 00:45:19,017 --> 00:45:21,186 Because Ferrari wouldn't let us time it. 736 00:45:21,186 --> 00:45:23,088 - Wouldn't let us? - No. 737 00:45:23,088 --> 00:45:25,791 So the Ferrari LaFerrari can't go on the road 738 00:45:25,791 --> 00:45:28,259 - or run on electric only? - No. 739 00:45:28,259 --> 00:45:30,128 And the 488 can't do a timed lap? 740 00:45:30,128 --> 00:45:32,663 Ferrari are quite tricky to deal with from time to time. 741 00:45:32,663 --> 00:45:35,901 Let's just put it that way and move on. It's time to see 742 00:45:35,901 --> 00:45:38,236 where the M2 goes on that board. 743 00:45:38,236 --> 00:45:41,072 Let's have a look. Let's put it on. 744 00:45:41,072 --> 00:45:43,308 - Oh! - RICHARD: Ha-ha! 745 00:45:43,308 --> 00:45:44,976 Wow! Wow! 746 00:45:44,976 --> 00:45:48,814 "I think it's the best M car they've ever made." 747 00:45:50,448 --> 00:45:52,517 Not my words. 748 00:45:52,517 --> 00:45:54,853 "I prefer it to all the others that are quicker than it." 749 00:45:54,853 --> 00:45:57,823 - Yes, it's-- - The one you should have, 750 00:45:57,823 --> 00:46:00,091 if you want one that's slower than all the other M cars. 751 00:46:00,091 --> 00:46:02,427 It's better. It's only two seconds-- 752 00:46:02,427 --> 00:46:05,396 - It's quicker than a Civic. - Yeah. 753 00:46:05,396 --> 00:46:07,032 But it's slower than-- 754 00:46:07,032 --> 00:46:08,834 If you had a choice of M cars, lined them up, 755 00:46:08,834 --> 00:46:11,302 and said, "I'd like the fastest," it wouldn't be that one. 756 00:46:11,302 --> 00:46:14,739 - Shut up. - Better in every single way? 757 00:46:14,739 --> 00:46:17,208 - You said that. - I don't care. Have you driven one? 758 00:46:17,208 --> 00:46:20,178 - I have. - It's fabulous. 759 00:46:20,178 --> 00:46:22,848 It's a brilliant car. It really honestly is. 760 00:46:22,848 --> 00:46:25,951 It's a shame we can't take the track round the world with us. 761 00:46:25,951 --> 00:46:29,087 Because if we did, we could invite celebrities to drive round it 762 00:46:29,087 --> 00:46:31,122 and we could keep a score sheet 763 00:46:31,122 --> 00:46:33,358 of who was the fastest. 764 00:46:33,358 --> 00:46:35,393 [LAUGHTER] 765 00:46:35,393 --> 00:46:36,862 No, I don't like it! 766 00:46:36,862 --> 00:46:38,596 I don't like it, no. 767 00:46:38,596 --> 00:46:41,166 - I don't think it would work. - Nobody wants to watch that. 768 00:46:41,166 --> 00:46:44,102 I'm not sure that they do. Anyway, we've got a better idea, 769 00:46:44,102 --> 00:46:46,137 Okay, for our celebrities. 770 00:46:46,137 --> 00:46:49,207 We're calling it Celebrity Brain Crash, 771 00:46:49,207 --> 00:46:51,542 and we had a sting made for that as well. 772 00:46:58,984 --> 00:47:02,020 That is terrible. 773 00:47:02,020 --> 00:47:04,255 I don't like to use this... 774 00:47:04,255 --> 00:47:05,891 [CHEERING] 775 00:47:07,558 --> 00:47:09,928 RICHARD: It's just terrible. 776 00:47:09,928 --> 00:47:13,899 Who is gonna say, "I'm gonna watch that new Amazon car show. 777 00:47:13,899 --> 00:47:16,634 Henry VIII's head explodes"? 778 00:47:16,634 --> 00:47:20,105 Why is there smoke coming out of Brad Pitt's head? 779 00:47:20,105 --> 00:47:22,640 What are we trying to say? 780 00:47:22,640 --> 00:47:24,609 - No, we're not. - No, we're not saying that. 781 00:47:25,911 --> 00:47:27,812 Not that. 782 00:47:27,812 --> 00:47:29,647 That is a terrible sting, 783 00:47:29,647 --> 00:47:32,717 but the machine itself isn't terrible at all. 784 00:47:32,717 --> 00:47:35,686 It's used to measure somebody's mental agility, 785 00:47:35,686 --> 00:47:37,522 their observational skills 786 00:47:37,522 --> 00:47:40,191 and their ability to multi-task. 787 00:47:40,191 --> 00:47:42,227 It's actually based on a machine 788 00:47:42,227 --> 00:47:44,262 that's used to test fighter pilots 789 00:47:44,262 --> 00:47:46,297 who want to join the Royal Air Force 790 00:47:46,297 --> 00:47:49,200 which, as we all know, is the finest and greatest air force 791 00:47:49,200 --> 00:47:52,503 - in the world. - [JEERING] 792 00:47:52,503 --> 00:47:56,141 What do you mean, "Boo"? What do you mean, "Boo"? What? 793 00:47:56,141 --> 00:47:59,110 If that was true, we wouldn't have to help you every time you get in trouble. 794 00:47:59,110 --> 00:48:02,948 [UPROAR, CHEERING] 795 00:48:07,785 --> 00:48:09,620 I'll hold myself back here. 796 00:48:09,620 --> 00:48:13,391 Now, hold on. You lot can grumble as much as you like, 797 00:48:13,391 --> 00:48:16,394 but we edit this show and we're British, 798 00:48:16,394 --> 00:48:18,396 so you'll just get cut out. 799 00:48:18,396 --> 00:48:21,566 - [BOOING] - We're all in agreement. 800 00:48:21,566 --> 00:48:25,770 That the Royal Air Force is better than the US Air Force. 801 00:48:25,770 --> 00:48:29,407 [CHANTING] USA! USA! USA! 802 00:48:29,407 --> 00:48:31,809 - [JEERING] - We're all in agreement 803 00:48:31,809 --> 00:48:35,480 the Royal Air Force is better than all the other air forces in the world. 804 00:48:35,480 --> 00:48:37,448 [JEERING] 805 00:48:38,416 --> 00:48:40,751 We're all now in agreement. 806 00:48:40,751 --> 00:48:42,520 The Royal Air Force is-- 807 00:48:42,520 --> 00:48:44,522 is the best air force in the world. 808 00:48:44,522 --> 00:48:46,591 [BOOING] 809 00:48:46,591 --> 00:48:50,061 So we're all in agreement the Royal Air Force is quite good. 810 00:48:50,061 --> 00:48:52,998 - [JEERING] - That will do. That will do. 811 00:48:52,998 --> 00:48:56,701 So let's get back to Celebrity Brain Crash 812 00:48:56,701 --> 00:48:58,636 and meet our first-ever guest. 813 00:48:58,636 --> 00:49:00,471 Normally on other shows, 814 00:49:00,471 --> 00:49:02,507 the guest will come through a sparkly curtain, 815 00:49:02,507 --> 00:49:05,810 wave a bit and then sit down, but not here. 816 00:49:05,810 --> 00:49:09,614 Oh, yes, our guests make a proper arrival. 817 00:49:09,614 --> 00:49:12,750 And on that note, let's meet tonight's star. 818 00:49:12,750 --> 00:49:15,420 He has been in pretty much 819 00:49:15,420 --> 00:49:18,256 every single movie franchise there is 820 00:49:18,256 --> 00:49:20,291 apart from Bridget Jones. 821 00:49:20,291 --> 00:49:22,293 No, he was Bridget Jones. 822 00:49:22,293 --> 00:49:24,562 - Was he? - No. 823 00:49:24,562 --> 00:49:27,498 But it doesn't matter. He was in the Bourne films. 824 00:49:27,498 --> 00:49:29,200 He was in the Mission Impossible films, 825 00:49:29,200 --> 00:49:30,568 the Avengers films, 826 00:49:30,568 --> 00:49:34,139 and right now he is 10,000 feet above us, 827 00:49:34,139 --> 00:49:36,707 waiting to make one hell of an entrance. 828 00:49:36,707 --> 00:49:39,177 Ladies and gentlemen, Jeremy Renner! 829 00:49:39,177 --> 00:49:41,446 [CHEERING] 830 00:49:41,446 --> 00:49:45,050 There he is. There he is, that's his plane. 831 00:49:45,050 --> 00:49:47,118 [CHEERING] 832 00:49:50,388 --> 00:49:52,390 Hold on, everybody. Here he comes. 833 00:49:52,390 --> 00:49:55,126 He is ready to jump. 834 00:49:55,126 --> 00:49:56,827 I'm ready! 835 00:49:56,827 --> 00:50:00,065 He is ready to jump. And there he goes! 836 00:50:00,065 --> 00:50:01,599 RICHARD: That is amazing 837 00:50:01,599 --> 00:50:03,401 to see him doing his own stunts. 838 00:50:03,401 --> 00:50:06,937 JEREMY: Yeah, I know. And he is looking good! 839 00:50:06,937 --> 00:50:09,006 When he gets here, 840 00:50:09,006 --> 00:50:11,709 I do want to talk to him about that Bourne Legacy film. 841 00:50:11,709 --> 00:50:14,445 A: what it was like to punch Shane Jacobson. 842 00:50:14,445 --> 00:50:17,515 And, B... Ooh, hang on. 843 00:50:17,515 --> 00:50:20,751 He's leaving this terribly late. 844 00:50:20,751 --> 00:50:22,687 [NERVOUS LAUGHTER] 845 00:50:25,390 --> 00:50:27,625 [AUDIENCE CLAMORING] 846 00:50:27,625 --> 00:50:29,560 [APPLAUSE] 847 00:50:39,404 --> 00:50:42,573 Right. 848 00:50:42,573 --> 00:50:44,875 Does that mean he's not coming on, then? 849 00:50:44,875 --> 00:50:47,812 No, James, he's not. 850 00:50:47,812 --> 00:50:51,116 It's okay, though. We anticipated this sort of thing, 851 00:50:51,116 --> 00:50:53,151 so we got a back-up guest ready. 852 00:50:53,151 --> 00:50:55,186 Uh... 853 00:50:55,186 --> 00:50:57,555 He was in Man From Uncle. 854 00:50:57,555 --> 00:51:00,991 He was in Lone Ranger. He was both twins 855 00:51:00,991 --> 00:51:02,760 in The Social Network. 856 00:51:02,760 --> 00:51:05,530 And his new film is called Nocturnal Animals. 857 00:51:05,530 --> 00:51:07,565 We haven't had time, unfortunately, 858 00:51:07,565 --> 00:51:09,500 to organize a dramatic entrance, 859 00:51:09,500 --> 00:51:12,337 but I hope you'll give him a warm welcome nevertheless. 860 00:51:12,337 --> 00:51:14,739 Ladies and gentlemen, Armie Hammer! 861 00:51:15,973 --> 00:51:17,842 There he is. 862 00:51:18,943 --> 00:51:20,978 Oh, my... 863 00:51:20,978 --> 00:51:22,680 Jesus! 864 00:51:22,680 --> 00:51:24,482 Is that a snake? 865 00:51:24,482 --> 00:51:26,384 - It's a snake. - That's a rattlesnake. 866 00:51:26,384 --> 00:51:28,386 - Is it? - Yeah. 867 00:51:28,386 --> 00:51:31,289 He's being killed. Quiet, everyone. 868 00:51:31,289 --> 00:51:33,324 Quiet, please. 869 00:51:33,324 --> 00:51:35,360 There's literally nothing we can do. 870 00:51:35,360 --> 00:51:37,395 He's yards away from us. 871 00:51:37,395 --> 00:51:39,063 Snakes are like herds of them. 872 00:51:39,063 --> 00:51:41,766 - They hunt in packs. - Yeah, they're pack animals. 873 00:51:41,766 --> 00:51:44,535 Does that mean he's not coming on either? 874 00:51:44,535 --> 00:51:47,805 No, James, he's finished writhing around in agony. 875 00:51:47,805 --> 00:51:49,840 And now he's dead. 876 00:51:49,840 --> 00:51:51,876 So that is a no. 877 00:51:51,876 --> 00:51:53,711 Well, uh... 878 00:51:53,711 --> 00:51:56,281 maybe there's somebody famous in the audience. 879 00:51:56,281 --> 00:51:58,283 That's unlikely. 880 00:51:58,283 --> 00:52:00,751 No. Seriously, you know Carol Vorderman? 881 00:52:00,751 --> 00:52:03,321 She rang me this morning from an air show nearby 882 00:52:03,321 --> 00:52:06,357 and said, can she come to the show? 883 00:52:06,357 --> 00:52:08,359 I know you don't know who Carol Vorderman is. 884 00:52:08,359 --> 00:52:10,895 She's a huge, huge, huge star in the UK. 885 00:52:10,895 --> 00:52:12,930 She started out on a program called Countdown 886 00:52:12,930 --> 00:52:15,200 and established herself as being unbelievably brilliant, 887 00:52:15,200 --> 00:52:17,202 a fantastic mathematician 888 00:52:17,202 --> 00:52:19,237 and very beautiful. 889 00:52:19,237 --> 00:52:22,540 Yes, she's also dead. 890 00:52:22,540 --> 00:52:24,074 What? 891 00:52:24,074 --> 00:52:27,878 - What? - She's dead. 892 00:52:27,878 --> 00:52:30,648 - How did that happen? - I don't know. I'm not a pathologist! 893 00:52:30,648 --> 00:52:33,284 But she's dead is what she is. 894 00:52:33,284 --> 00:52:35,286 - Seriously? - Yes! 895 00:52:35,286 --> 00:52:38,289 - Christ. - Problem. 896 00:52:38,289 --> 00:52:40,591 What are we gonna do? 897 00:52:40,591 --> 00:52:41,859 Um... 898 00:52:41,859 --> 00:52:44,229 Jesus, look at that out there. It's like a-- 899 00:52:44,229 --> 00:52:45,863 It's just littered with corpses. 900 00:52:45,863 --> 00:52:48,333 [LAUGHTER] 901 00:52:48,333 --> 00:52:51,836 Lads, I don't think this bit is working. 902 00:52:51,836 --> 00:52:53,238 Let's drop 903 00:52:53,238 --> 00:52:55,573 Celebrity Brain Crash this week. 904 00:52:55,573 --> 00:52:57,708 We'll do it again in South Africa next week, 905 00:52:57,708 --> 00:52:59,744 and I think people will have forgotten all this. 906 00:52:59,744 --> 00:53:02,513 - They might not. - I think they will. 907 00:53:02,513 --> 00:53:04,949 We'll just skip over it now. It's not gonna happen. 908 00:53:04,949 --> 00:53:07,285 That's okay, 'cause we can back to the cars. 909 00:53:07,285 --> 00:53:10,388 - Yes! Moving on! - [CHEERING] 910 00:53:11,689 --> 00:53:14,091 - Don't look. - Yes, don't look. 911 00:53:14,091 --> 00:53:15,460 This week-- 912 00:53:15,460 --> 00:53:17,762 This week we are trying to find out 913 00:53:17,762 --> 00:53:20,531 which of the new breed of hybrid hypercars is the best. 914 00:53:20,531 --> 00:53:22,900 Yes. On day one at the track in Portugal, 915 00:53:22,900 --> 00:53:26,404 we established that the McLaren P1 is a mentalist, 916 00:53:26,404 --> 00:53:30,174 that the Porsche 918 is a very good milk float, 917 00:53:30,174 --> 00:53:33,444 and that the Ferrari LaFerrari can do nothing at all. 918 00:53:34,345 --> 00:53:36,381 Some of that is true. 919 00:53:36,381 --> 00:53:39,484 But now, day two. 920 00:53:49,660 --> 00:53:51,629 JEREMY: We began by lining up 921 00:53:51,629 --> 00:53:54,365 the three most exciting cars on the planet 922 00:53:54,365 --> 00:53:58,002 for the drag race of all drag races. 923 00:54:12,016 --> 00:54:15,686 Naturally, this meant engaging launch control, 924 00:54:15,686 --> 00:54:20,024 which in the McLaren takes about a fortnight. 925 00:54:20,024 --> 00:54:24,094 I have to have the drive tray in track mode, 926 00:54:24,094 --> 00:54:26,331 the aero package in sport mode, 927 00:54:26,331 --> 00:54:27,665 so that the rear end squats 928 00:54:27,665 --> 00:54:29,634 when I set off and gives me more traction. 929 00:54:29,634 --> 00:54:32,870 I have to have the DRS button pressed with my thumb 930 00:54:32,870 --> 00:54:36,874 to keep the rear wing open which reduces drag obviously. 931 00:54:36,874 --> 00:54:39,977 Launch control in the Porsche, left foot on the brake hard. 932 00:54:39,977 --> 00:54:42,012 Right foot on the throttle hard. 933 00:54:42,012 --> 00:54:44,349 Light goes green, left foot off brake. Pa-ching! 934 00:54:44,349 --> 00:54:46,751 Launch button, press for two seconds. 935 00:54:46,751 --> 00:54:49,520 Left foot on brake. Right foot on throttle. 936 00:54:49,520 --> 00:54:51,956 Press launch control, mash the throttle, 937 00:54:51,956 --> 00:54:54,759 within four seconds release the brake. 938 00:54:54,759 --> 00:54:57,995 Three seconds later, I have full boost, 939 00:54:57,995 --> 00:55:00,431 and I have to set off within three seconds 940 00:55:00,431 --> 00:55:02,833 or the entire system disengages. 941 00:55:02,833 --> 00:55:05,603 I'm going to get this wrong. 942 00:55:05,603 --> 00:55:07,638 Just so you know. 943 00:55:07,638 --> 00:55:09,940 I've got a lot to do in here. 944 00:55:13,411 --> 00:55:15,713 [REVVING] 945 00:55:32,930 --> 00:55:34,832 [BEEP] 946 00:55:36,401 --> 00:55:39,169 I wasn't ready. 947 00:55:39,169 --> 00:55:41,939 Oh, my God! That is quick! 948 00:55:45,810 --> 00:55:49,947 Holy mother! Did you see that? 949 00:55:49,947 --> 00:55:53,183 [BLEEP] me! Jesus [BLEEP] Christ! 950 00:55:53,183 --> 00:55:55,119 It's all over the place. 951 00:56:00,458 --> 00:56:03,060 Since it was clear I'd got all my buttons wrong, 952 00:56:03,060 --> 00:56:06,497 the chaps agreed to another run. 953 00:56:06,497 --> 00:56:08,533 Sit rep, the lights went green 954 00:56:08,533 --> 00:56:10,601 before the boost was ready, 955 00:56:10,601 --> 00:56:12,770 and I had the DRS button still pressed 956 00:56:12,770 --> 00:56:15,440 when I got to the end, which meant I had no downforce, 957 00:56:15,440 --> 00:56:18,643 which meant-- Well, poo came out. 958 00:56:18,643 --> 00:56:22,713 This time I'm gonna do it with more drag, 959 00:56:22,713 --> 00:56:25,315 which will slow me down, but I will be able to stop 960 00:56:25,315 --> 00:56:27,452 without killing myself. 961 00:56:29,454 --> 00:56:32,457 [REVVING] 962 00:56:32,457 --> 00:56:34,559 KERS system charged. Right. 963 00:56:39,196 --> 00:56:41,566 JEREMY: Boost building. 964 00:56:44,368 --> 00:56:46,504 Three, two... 965 00:56:50,475 --> 00:56:52,543 And we are away! What a start! 966 00:56:55,312 --> 00:56:57,715 The Porsche has got off to a flyer. 967 00:56:59,216 --> 00:57:01,151 Oh, balls! 968 00:57:02,620 --> 00:57:04,889 180, 190, 210. 969 00:57:06,691 --> 00:57:08,726 230 kilometers an hour. 970 00:57:14,198 --> 00:57:16,967 That wasn't very good. 971 00:57:16,967 --> 00:57:20,204 Because James had somehow messed up that time, 972 00:57:20,204 --> 00:57:22,673 and because this test was about the cars, 973 00:57:22,673 --> 00:57:25,209 we decided to go again. 974 00:57:30,347 --> 00:57:31,782 It's a rocket ship. 975 00:57:33,518 --> 00:57:35,620 For England! 976 00:57:37,254 --> 00:57:38,989 No, no! 977 00:57:44,729 --> 00:57:46,997 Okay, we have all three won this now. 978 00:57:49,634 --> 00:57:51,902 JEREMY: Determined to find a definitive 979 00:57:51,902 --> 00:57:55,405 one-two-three finishing order, 980 00:57:55,405 --> 00:57:57,274 we ran again. 981 00:57:57,274 --> 00:57:59,209 [BEEP] 982 00:58:02,212 --> 00:58:06,216 Another totally different result there, gentlemen. 983 00:58:07,384 --> 00:58:08,819 And again. 984 00:58:11,956 --> 00:58:15,760 That's a different result again. 985 00:58:15,760 --> 00:58:17,895 JEREMY: And again? 986 00:58:23,100 --> 00:58:25,369 At this point, we decided to call 987 00:58:25,369 --> 00:58:26,937 a halt to proceedings, 988 00:58:26,937 --> 00:58:31,609 because we had reached a scientific conclusion. 989 00:58:31,609 --> 00:58:35,045 It turns out it doesn't really matter which car you buy, 990 00:58:35,045 --> 00:58:37,281 it all depends on your shoes. 991 00:58:37,281 --> 00:58:38,983 Now, this is a TOD loafer. 992 00:58:38,983 --> 00:58:42,052 Slightly worn to get a crisper jump 993 00:58:42,052 --> 00:58:44,254 off the brake pedal, and it's immediate. 994 00:58:44,254 --> 00:58:47,191 - This is a Converse. - There's more sponge in there than I thought. 995 00:58:47,191 --> 00:58:50,160 See, Adidas, they weren't thinking that through. 996 00:58:50,160 --> 00:58:53,330 - So, as you lift your foot up-- - It's a millisecond. 997 00:58:53,330 --> 00:58:54,699 I know you've got KERS, 998 00:58:54,699 --> 00:58:56,266 I know you've got a 6.3-litre V12, 999 00:58:56,266 --> 00:58:58,836 and I know that launch control system is amazing, 1000 00:58:58,836 --> 00:59:00,237 but it's all let down 1001 00:59:00,237 --> 00:59:02,206 by the sponginess of the Adidas shoe. 1002 00:59:02,206 --> 00:59:04,441 So they should sell you the car and the shoes. 1003 00:59:04,441 --> 00:59:06,977 No, have you got the correct shoes and have you worn them in? 1004 00:59:06,977 --> 00:59:09,013 - Exactly. - Fresh shoes, lads. 1005 00:59:09,013 --> 00:59:13,217 - I just need to-- - You need to skid about. There we go. 1006 00:59:13,217 --> 00:59:15,820 With that sorted, 1007 00:59:15,820 --> 00:59:18,055 it was time to bring in a racing driver 1008 00:59:18,055 --> 00:59:21,926 to see which of our cars could do the fastest lap. 1009 00:59:21,926 --> 00:59:25,262 Our resident American said he wasn't interested, 1010 00:59:25,262 --> 00:59:28,265 because all three cars are probably communist. 1011 00:59:28,265 --> 00:59:31,636 So instead, we went for a Belgian chap-- 1012 00:59:31,636 --> 00:59:33,170 [GUNFIRE] 1013 00:59:33,170 --> 00:59:36,807 ...who's done Formula One and Formula E, 1014 00:59:36,807 --> 00:59:39,343 Jerome d'Ambrosio. 1015 00:59:44,314 --> 00:59:46,016 Jerome took the cars out 1016 00:59:46,016 --> 00:59:48,686 to get a sense of how they handled. 1017 01:00:05,002 --> 01:00:06,837 And when he'd finished, 1018 01:00:06,837 --> 01:00:08,639 we were interested to hear 1019 01:00:08,639 --> 01:00:10,607 his professional opinion. 1020 01:00:10,607 --> 01:00:12,943 [SPEAKS FRENCH] 1021 01:00:54,785 --> 01:00:57,421 RICHARD: At this point, word reached us that Jeremy 1022 01:00:57,421 --> 01:01:01,091 was taking liberties with the subtitling machine. 1023 01:01:02,459 --> 01:01:05,429 So we moved on to the big event: 1024 01:01:05,429 --> 01:01:08,098 the timed laps. 1025 01:01:13,437 --> 01:01:15,472 Once the mechanics had finished their preparations, 1026 01:01:15,472 --> 01:01:18,408 the three speed traps were activated. 1027 01:01:21,879 --> 01:01:24,548 And the Ferrari LaFerrari took its place 1028 01:01:24,548 --> 01:01:27,051 on the start line. 1029 01:01:28,185 --> 01:01:30,220 Look how good it looks there. 1030 01:01:30,220 --> 01:01:33,557 This is just wasting time. It's wasting rubber and fuel. 1031 01:01:33,557 --> 01:01:35,392 No, this is like an amuse-bouche. 1032 01:01:35,392 --> 01:01:39,096 Yeah, it is. You have ordered the duck and sherry trifle. 1033 01:01:39,096 --> 01:01:42,833 - And you're a melon ball. - I'm not even listening. 1034 01:01:45,770 --> 01:01:47,938 [BEEPING] 1035 01:01:58,448 --> 01:02:03,453 Gentlemen, it is doing 231.4 kilometers an hour 1036 01:02:03,453 --> 01:02:05,589 at the end of the straight. 1037 01:02:05,589 --> 01:02:09,193 It's about the same speed as a Golf diesel, something like that. 1038 01:02:22,840 --> 01:02:26,276 194.9. 1039 01:02:26,276 --> 01:02:28,112 Going down the hill using gravity. 1040 01:02:28,112 --> 01:02:30,314 - Is he stopping off for shopping? - He must be. 1041 01:02:45,963 --> 01:02:48,098 Here he is. 1042 01:02:54,604 --> 01:02:59,343 - James, if you want to get a cup of tea. - We've warmed the track. 1043 01:02:59,343 --> 01:03:03,848 RICHARD: Next it was the turn of the Porsche 918. 1044 01:03:03,848 --> 01:03:06,350 How much faster will it go because of the stripes? 1045 01:03:06,350 --> 01:03:07,351 Much. 1046 01:03:22,299 --> 01:03:24,134 231 point... 1047 01:03:24,134 --> 01:03:26,170 So he's faster than the Ferrari. 1048 01:03:35,679 --> 01:03:38,182 RICHARD: 183.0. 1049 01:03:38,182 --> 01:03:41,785 Way, way, way slower than him. 1050 01:03:41,785 --> 01:03:43,921 Don't forget between here and the next measuring point, 1051 01:03:43,921 --> 01:03:46,590 Okay, you've got four slow corners, 1052 01:03:46,590 --> 01:03:49,259 and those are the ones where the Porsche is gonna make up time. 1053 01:03:51,161 --> 01:03:52,362 Because of the four-wheel steering. 1054 01:03:52,362 --> 01:03:56,033 - Like a Honda Prelude? - No! 1055 01:04:09,646 --> 01:04:12,449 - 110 point what? - One. 1056 01:04:12,449 --> 01:04:16,386 So, almost to a tenth of a kilometer an hour, the same speed as you. 1057 01:04:21,258 --> 01:04:24,061 RICHARD: Here he comes. He's firing noises. 1058 01:04:25,362 --> 01:04:26,931 There it is. Look at that. 1059 01:04:29,833 --> 01:04:33,337 JEREMY: Finally, it was the turn of the psycho killer. 1060 01:04:33,337 --> 01:04:36,040 The trickiest, the edgiest of the three. 1061 01:04:37,541 --> 01:04:39,443 But I was so confident it'd win, 1062 01:04:39,443 --> 01:04:43,047 I was prepared to take a massive gamble. 1063 01:04:44,381 --> 01:04:49,086 If the McLaren isn't the fastest, 1064 01:04:49,086 --> 01:04:51,956 you two can knock my house down. 1065 01:04:51,956 --> 01:04:54,124 - What? - Knock it down. 1066 01:04:54,124 --> 01:04:56,994 - What, your house? - Yeah, and I mean that. 1067 01:04:56,994 --> 01:05:00,664 That's how confident I am that that will be the fastest. 1068 01:05:00,664 --> 01:05:04,801 - You know we will do that? - Yeah. 1069 01:05:04,801 --> 01:05:07,271 - It's a serious bet? - Yeah. 1070 01:05:07,271 --> 01:05:09,839 - Fine. - If that's not the fastest, 1071 01:05:09,839 --> 01:05:12,409 - we can knock your house down? - Yup. 1072 01:05:12,409 --> 01:05:14,644 You know where it is. You've both been. 1073 01:05:14,644 --> 01:05:16,613 I'd love to knock it down. 1074 01:05:23,020 --> 01:05:25,222 Here we go. A lot riding on this. 1075 01:05:37,834 --> 01:05:41,305 235.9. 1076 01:05:41,305 --> 01:05:44,008 Okay, it's fastest at the end of the first straight. 1077 01:05:48,712 --> 01:05:50,747 Would you like to come to my house for dinner? 1078 01:05:50,747 --> 01:05:52,549 Yes. Can I bring a bulldozer? 1079 01:06:00,324 --> 01:06:02,192 188.3. 1080 01:06:02,192 --> 01:06:04,228 That is worryingly quick. Brisk. 1081 01:06:04,228 --> 01:06:06,063 It's quite brisk? 1082 01:06:06,063 --> 01:06:08,865 We don't know how fast it's going around the tight turns. 1083 01:06:08,865 --> 01:06:11,435 Might have been doing two kilometers an hour around here. 1084 01:06:23,180 --> 01:06:25,382 Where is he? 1085 01:06:25,382 --> 01:06:26,616 Crashed. 1086 01:06:44,068 --> 01:06:46,936 With that, back to the tent. 1087 01:06:46,936 --> 01:06:49,539 [CHEERING] 1088 01:06:54,811 --> 01:06:56,646 Thank you so much. Now... 1089 01:06:56,646 --> 01:06:58,682 I want to make it absolutely plain, 1090 01:06:58,682 --> 01:07:00,717 'cause I know this matters to anoraks, 1091 01:07:00,717 --> 01:07:06,156 all three cars were running on exactly the same sort of tires. 1092 01:07:06,156 --> 01:07:08,758 Yes, same tires, same track, same driver. 1093 01:07:08,758 --> 01:07:11,095 So the times are down to the cars. 1094 01:07:11,095 --> 01:07:14,331 Yup. And now it is time to reveal those times. 1095 01:07:14,331 --> 01:07:16,533 Let me just make it absolutely clear. 1096 01:07:16,533 --> 01:07:18,102 We don't know what they are. 1097 01:07:18,102 --> 01:07:20,270 The producers have kept them from us. 1098 01:07:20,270 --> 01:07:21,605 - They're top secret. - Yup. 1099 01:07:21,605 --> 01:07:23,773 So, let's put the scoreboard up, 1100 01:07:23,773 --> 01:07:25,008 and let's begin with 1101 01:07:25,008 --> 01:07:27,644 the Ferrari LaFerrari, I believe. 1102 01:07:27,644 --> 01:07:30,114 Let's see what it did it in, please. 1103 01:07:33,883 --> 01:07:36,953 We don't know if that's any good, do we? 1104 01:07:36,953 --> 01:07:39,323 Let's move on and do the Porsche next. 1105 01:07:39,323 --> 01:07:40,790 What did the Porsche do it in? 1106 01:07:42,192 --> 01:07:46,630 Oh, yes! 1:54.2! 1107 01:07:46,630 --> 01:07:49,533 Yes! Yes! You see? 1108 01:07:49,533 --> 01:07:51,668 You said it would mince the Porsche. 1109 01:07:51,668 --> 01:07:55,038 And it didn't mince it. It was slower than the Porsche. 1110 01:07:55,038 --> 01:07:56,906 I told you it's just a melon ball. 1111 01:07:56,906 --> 01:07:58,842 It's slower than my car, 1112 01:07:58,842 --> 01:08:01,378 which was faster than your car. 1113 01:08:01,378 --> 01:08:03,613 0.2 of a second, and it looks better. 1114 01:08:03,613 --> 01:08:06,350 Yeah, it did in my mirror where it belongs getting smaller. 1115 01:08:06,350 --> 01:08:07,951 It's a melon ball, and it lost. 1116 01:08:07,951 --> 01:08:09,186 - Hammond. - What? 1117 01:08:09,186 --> 01:08:10,954 - Calm down. - All right. 1118 01:08:10,954 --> 01:08:12,156 Because now we must bring up 1119 01:08:12,156 --> 01:08:13,723 the time that really matters. 1120 01:08:13,723 --> 01:08:17,294 The one where a lot's at stake. 1121 01:08:17,294 --> 01:08:18,295 The McLaren... [CLEARS THROAT] 1122 01:08:18,295 --> 01:08:19,463 The McLaren P1. 1123 01:08:19,463 --> 01:08:22,166 - Are you nervous? Sure? - No. No. 1124 01:08:22,166 --> 01:08:23,500 - A little bit? - No! 1125 01:08:23,500 --> 01:08:25,269 - I'm not nervous. - Why be nervous? 1126 01:08:25,269 --> 01:08:26,470 You could get, like, a shopping trolley 1127 01:08:26,470 --> 01:08:28,705 and keep all your things in it. 1128 01:08:28,705 --> 01:08:31,575 Make some new friends under a bridge somewhere. 1129 01:08:31,575 --> 01:08:33,843 - Hammond. - I'd say sell your body but don't do that. 1130 01:08:33,843 --> 01:08:36,580 Be quiet! Let's-- 1131 01:08:36,580 --> 01:08:39,316 Let's bring up the time of the P1. Here we go. 1132 01:08:39,316 --> 01:08:42,419 - Oh, God. - Where is it? 1133 01:08:46,823 --> 01:08:50,093 [UPROAR] 1134 01:08:50,093 --> 01:08:52,462 Yes! 1135 01:08:56,666 --> 01:09:00,404 That is funny. Because you said... 1136 01:09:00,404 --> 01:09:03,207 the fastest, but it's not the fastest. 1137 01:09:03,207 --> 01:09:05,209 It's the slowest! 1138 01:09:05,209 --> 01:09:08,445 Ladies and gentlemen, journalist, broadcaster 1139 01:09:08,445 --> 01:09:11,881 and homeless man, Jeremy Clarkson. 1140 01:09:11,881 --> 01:09:13,817 [CHEERING] 1141 01:09:18,788 --> 01:09:23,560 That's what it is. That's what it is. 1142 01:09:23,560 --> 01:09:26,363 You're not really going to knock my house down? 1143 01:09:26,363 --> 01:09:28,865 Yes, we are. 1144 01:09:28,865 --> 01:09:30,900 - A bet is a bet. - That's the deal. 1145 01:09:30,900 --> 01:09:33,637 - And we're going to film it. - No, but the thing is, 1146 01:09:33,637 --> 01:09:36,240 on the tires that the McLaren can be bought with, 1147 01:09:36,240 --> 01:09:38,575 it was faster. 1148 01:09:38,575 --> 01:09:40,277 We agreed right at the start 1149 01:09:40,277 --> 01:09:43,380 we'd all run on the same tires. 1150 01:09:43,380 --> 01:09:45,849 That was the deal before your car lost. 1151 01:09:45,849 --> 01:09:47,384 So let's just... 1152 01:09:47,384 --> 01:09:50,887 Let's just sum this first show up, shall we? 1153 01:09:50,887 --> 01:09:52,722 I've lost my house. 1154 01:09:52,722 --> 01:09:55,091 - We've had a fight with the audience. - Big one. 1155 01:09:55,091 --> 01:09:57,961 Somebody shot our drone down. 1156 01:09:57,961 --> 01:10:00,664 And we've killed three quite major celebrities. 1157 01:10:00,664 --> 01:10:02,699 Yeah, but on the plus side, 1158 01:10:02,699 --> 01:10:04,901 my Porsche was the fastest! 1159 01:10:04,901 --> 01:10:06,370 [CHEERING] 1160 01:10:10,407 --> 01:10:12,576 And on that terrible disappointment, 1161 01:10:12,576 --> 01:10:14,678 I'm afraid it's time to end. 1162 01:10:14,678 --> 01:10:16,480 Thank you all very much for coming. 1163 01:10:16,480 --> 01:10:18,014 Thank you for watching. 1164 01:10:18,014 --> 01:10:19,883 And we'll see you next week in Johannesburg. 1165 01:10:19,883 --> 01:10:21,285 Good-bye! 1166 01:10:21,285 --> 01:10:22,952 [CHEERING] 1167 01:10:28,024 --> 01:10:30,427 ♫ Oh, sunshiney day ♫ 1168 01:10:32,496 --> 01:10:36,466 ♫ Gonna be a bright sunshiney day ♫ 1169 01:10:39,836 --> 01:10:42,672 ♫ Bright sunshiney day ♫ 1170 01:10:45,809 --> 01:10:48,878 ♫ Bright sunshiney day ♫ 1171 01:10:51,715 --> 01:10:55,452 ♫ Bright sunshiney day ♫ 1172 01:10:57,854 --> 01:11:00,957 ♫ Bright sunshiney day ♫ 1172 01:11:01,305 --> 01:11:07,195 Support us and become VIP member to remove all ads from www.OpenSubtitles.org