1 00:00:02,743 --> 00:00:04,078 (THEME SONG PLAYING) 2 00:01:00,595 --> 00:01:11,297 Sync & corrections by honeybunny www.addic7ed.com 3 00:01:14,856 --> 00:01:16,066 Why aren't you at work? 4 00:01:16,525 --> 00:01:18,277 Luschek never showed. 5 00:01:18,360 --> 00:01:20,201 Probably passed out in his own vomit somewhere. 6 00:01:20,820 --> 00:01:23,491 So you chose to come in here and help? 7 00:01:23,658 --> 00:01:25,409 Yeah. Figured you could use it. It's Thanksgiving. 8 00:01:25,493 --> 00:01:26,786 Then get your ass off my counter 9 00:01:26,868 --> 00:01:29,079 and help Gina pull the turkeys out of the freezer. 10 00:01:29,163 --> 00:01:31,039 Shit, we got real turkey this year! 11 00:01:31,915 --> 00:01:35,043 We got trimmings from the factory. 50 cents a pound. 12 00:01:35,169 --> 00:01:37,546 Trimmings? Jesus. The shit no one else wants. 13 00:01:37,672 --> 00:01:39,674 That's a bag of turkey assholes right there. 14 00:01:39,757 --> 00:01:41,759 The whole meal has to come in at $1.05 a prisoner. 15 00:01:41,842 --> 00:01:44,679 Taxpayers don't give a shit if it's a holiday. 16 00:01:44,804 --> 00:01:46,472 We're the bad guys. 17 00:01:55,648 --> 00:01:57,024 Pig-fucker. 18 00:02:06,534 --> 00:02:08,494 Brown the onions for the gravy. 19 00:02:37,773 --> 00:02:39,525 SOPHIA: That too hot, baby? 20 00:02:41,485 --> 00:02:44,780 No, it's perfect. 21 00:02:45,489 --> 00:02:47,032 I feel so good. 22 00:02:47,742 --> 00:02:49,909 SISTER INGALLS: "Frequent blinking may actually be a way 23 00:02:50,035 --> 00:02:52,329 "for your brain to rest while you're awake." 24 00:02:52,413 --> 00:02:54,331 Wakeful rest, huh? 25 00:02:54,456 --> 00:02:55,833 You okay, honey? 26 00:02:57,251 --> 00:02:59,795 (VOICE BREAKING) It's just being touched by another person. 27 00:03:03,883 --> 00:03:05,551 SOPHIA: I get it. Thanks. 28 00:03:05,634 --> 00:03:07,261 The body gets lonely in here. 29 00:03:07,428 --> 00:03:10,347 Yeah. It's not even sex, you know? I just... 30 00:03:11,139 --> 00:03:12,683 I miss contact. 31 00:03:13,601 --> 00:03:16,103 Human beings aren't supposed to live like this. 32 00:03:18,063 --> 00:03:19,398 I've been in almost two years 33 00:03:19,481 --> 00:03:21,609 and there's still nights I reach out for my wife. 34 00:03:21,734 --> 00:03:24,236 You know, I was thinking about you guys. 35 00:03:25,112 --> 00:03:27,615 And I was imagining what I would do if Larry 36 00:03:27,740 --> 00:03:30,242 told me that he wanted to be a woman. 37 00:03:30,325 --> 00:03:33,370 I'd like to think that I would be open to it, 38 00:03:33,454 --> 00:03:35,163 but it would just be so weird. 39 00:03:36,123 --> 00:03:37,792 I'm sorry, is that totally rude? 40 00:03:37,875 --> 00:03:39,585 No. It's fine. 41 00:03:40,628 --> 00:03:42,588 He would make such an ugly girl. 42 00:03:42,671 --> 00:03:45,006 (BOTH CHUCKLE) 43 00:03:45,132 --> 00:03:46,372 Is he coming to visit you today? 44 00:03:47,635 --> 00:03:49,678 First holiday in prison can be rough. 45 00:03:50,304 --> 00:03:51,472 Very emotional. 46 00:03:51,597 --> 00:03:53,223 SOPHIA: But she's gonna be fine, 47 00:03:53,307 --> 00:03:56,477 'cause we about to make some Heidi Klum shit happen right here. (CHUCKLES) 48 00:03:57,937 --> 00:03:58,938 (SNIFFS) 49 00:03:59,563 --> 00:04:01,565 Ugh, that smells nasty. 50 00:04:03,191 --> 00:04:04,401 What's it made of? 51 00:04:06,236 --> 00:04:07,696 You don't wanna know. 52 00:04:08,823 --> 00:04:09,824 (GROANS) 53 00:04:10,658 --> 00:04:12,117 How did you learn all this? 54 00:04:12,868 --> 00:04:16,831 My aunt was a santera. I used to help her out sometimes. 55 00:04:18,039 --> 00:04:19,166 I dabble. 56 00:04:21,710 --> 00:04:23,420 So what's gonna happen to me? 57 00:04:24,505 --> 00:04:28,175 You're gonna cramp up, some wicked diarrhea. 58 00:04:30,344 --> 00:04:32,304 This shit ain't pretty. 59 00:04:32,429 --> 00:04:36,642 You drink this, then you're gonna go out and dig a hole in the yard. 60 00:04:37,184 --> 00:04:38,727 You're gonna make me shit in a hole? 61 00:04:38,853 --> 00:04:41,062 No. You're gonna put this bean in there. 62 00:04:41,856 --> 00:04:43,691 Then you're gonna find a cigarette, 63 00:04:43,816 --> 00:04:45,943 you're gonna blow some smoke in there, 64 00:04:46,026 --> 00:04:48,529 you're gonna cover it up with a mound of dirt. 65 00:04:49,613 --> 00:04:51,573 And that's gonna have to do it, 66 00:04:52,240 --> 00:04:59,122 because I don't have any angelica or gris-gris oil. 67 00:05:02,334 --> 00:05:05,796 (SPEAKING SPANISH) 68 00:05:06,630 --> 00:05:07,882 Take it. 69 00:05:13,303 --> 00:05:14,471 This is gonna kill it? 70 00:05:14,555 --> 00:05:16,139 Well, that's what you want, right? 71 00:05:16,223 --> 00:05:17,766 As long as it don't feel anything. 72 00:05:17,892 --> 00:05:21,061 Please. It don't even have a brain yet. 73 00:05:25,733 --> 00:05:27,401 (SPEAKING SPANISH) 74 00:05:28,318 --> 00:05:30,069 Hurry up, drink it. 75 00:05:32,406 --> 00:05:33,406 DAYANARA: Ow, that's hot! 76 00:05:33,448 --> 00:05:36,117 GLORIA: I told you it was, stupid. Go ahead, drink it all. 77 00:05:38,119 --> 00:05:39,120 (SPEAKING SPANISH) 78 00:05:39,830 --> 00:05:41,540 Where my Snickers? 79 00:05:54,428 --> 00:05:59,307 You know, I pray for all the dead babies and all their baby souls. 80 00:06:02,686 --> 00:06:05,773 (SOBS) And God, he's gonna let them into heaven, 81 00:06:05,856 --> 00:06:08,107 even though they weren't baptized. 82 00:06:09,068 --> 00:06:10,861 Are you getting all of this? Yeah. 83 00:06:10,945 --> 00:06:14,656 And you can also tell Judy that I pray for her as well. 84 00:06:14,782 --> 00:06:16,408 Well, her name's Barbara. 85 00:06:16,491 --> 00:06:18,201 Barbara? Barbara. 86 00:06:18,285 --> 00:06:20,203 Damn! I can't keep all this fan mail straight. 87 00:06:20,287 --> 00:06:22,163 (STUTTERS) I can't keep up with it. 88 00:06:22,831 --> 00:06:24,123 What? You have fans? 89 00:06:24,249 --> 00:06:25,709 She's a hero. (ALEX SCOFFS) 90 00:06:26,334 --> 00:06:28,087 She's a defender of the unborn. 91 00:06:28,253 --> 00:06:30,422 Jeez, that sounds like a bad X-Men movie. 92 00:06:30,547 --> 00:06:32,758 What'd you do, bomb an abortion clinic? 93 00:06:33,634 --> 00:06:39,848 And you can sign off with, "I will be out of here by 2015, 94 00:06:40,808 --> 00:06:42,810 "before the rapture." 95 00:06:42,893 --> 00:06:43,978 (CHUCKLING) Oh, man. 96 00:06:44,103 --> 00:06:45,437 Is something fucking funny to you? 97 00:06:45,520 --> 00:06:47,940 Yeah. It's just that people predict the rapture all the time. 98 00:06:48,023 --> 00:06:50,358 I mean, wasn't that supposed to happen in 2011? 99 00:06:50,484 --> 00:06:54,488 No. (STUTTERS) It comes in two stages. If you study your shit. 100 00:06:55,656 --> 00:06:58,659 The first one was a spiritual rapture. 101 00:06:59,618 --> 00:07:02,746 And the second one coming is a physical one. 102 00:07:02,830 --> 00:07:04,790 Ah, I see. 103 00:07:04,873 --> 00:07:05,874 Okay? Got it. 104 00:07:06,000 --> 00:07:07,001 And you're not invited, 105 00:07:07,126 --> 00:07:10,504 because they don't allow gay people on the rapture bus! 106 00:07:10,587 --> 00:07:12,297 There's a bus? 107 00:07:12,756 --> 00:07:15,342 Are all the seats already taken by Appalachian meth-heads? 108 00:07:15,467 --> 00:07:17,678 Oh, man, you're gonna... You're just gonna get it, Vause, aren't you? 109 00:07:17,761 --> 00:07:19,471 Do we have to go back to the dryer? 110 00:07:19,554 --> 00:07:21,274 You already locked me in that fucking dryer. 111 00:07:21,348 --> 00:07:23,108 Yeah, maybe I'll fucking turn it on this time. 112 00:07:23,183 --> 00:07:24,852 Make you spin around like a gerbil. 113 00:07:24,935 --> 00:07:26,687 Wanna know why? 114 00:07:26,937 --> 00:07:33,610 'Cause I've had it with rich bitches like you. 115 00:07:39,449 --> 00:07:40,701 JESSICA: Those are bobos! 116 00:07:41,284 --> 00:07:44,121 Real Adidas have three stripes, not four. 117 00:07:44,204 --> 00:07:45,539 Your shoes are bobos. 118 00:07:45,664 --> 00:07:46,874 So? 119 00:07:46,999 --> 00:07:50,836 So your mom shops at Payless. And works at Friendly's. 120 00:07:50,919 --> 00:07:52,546 (GIRLS LAUGH) 121 00:07:52,671 --> 00:07:54,798 My mom has, like, four jobs. 122 00:07:55,049 --> 00:07:57,217 That's not something to brag about. 123 00:07:57,342 --> 00:07:59,053 You dress like a bum. 124 00:07:59,178 --> 00:08:01,138 She smells like one, too. (GIRLS GIGGLE) 125 00:08:01,221 --> 00:08:02,723 (CAR HORN HONKS) 126 00:08:03,891 --> 00:08:06,393 JESSICA: Do you guys live in that janky car? (CHUCKLES) 127 00:08:07,144 --> 00:08:08,729 Bye-bye, pigsty! Bye-bye, pigsty! 128 00:08:08,812 --> 00:08:09,813 (GIRLS GIGGLE) 129 00:08:10,689 --> 00:08:11,982 DIANE: Are those your friends? 130 00:08:12,107 --> 00:08:13,400 No. 131 00:08:13,567 --> 00:08:14,902 How was school? 132 00:08:16,111 --> 00:08:19,614 They changed the schedule around, so I don't gotta work nights no more. 133 00:08:19,740 --> 00:08:22,534 Fucking Brenda keeps trying to get me to cover her shifts. 134 00:08:22,617 --> 00:08:25,245 What are you doing? It's freezing out. 135 00:08:27,122 --> 00:08:28,582 DIANE: What the fuck was that? 136 00:08:28,707 --> 00:08:32,335 I'm not wearing those anymore. They're bobos. 137 00:08:35,089 --> 00:08:36,423 Go get 'em back. 138 00:08:36,506 --> 00:08:38,008 Jessica Wedge says they're lame. 139 00:08:38,092 --> 00:08:39,843 So fuck Jessica Wedge. 140 00:08:40,010 --> 00:08:43,097 They all make fun of me. They call me pigsty. 141 00:08:45,473 --> 00:08:46,934 Did you tell them who your dad is? 142 00:08:47,059 --> 00:08:48,435 I've never even met him. 143 00:08:48,602 --> 00:08:49,978 Well, you tell them. 144 00:08:50,104 --> 00:08:53,273 You tell them, "My dad is Lee Burley, the drummer for Death Maiden." 145 00:08:53,398 --> 00:08:55,984 You see what those smug little bitches say then. 146 00:08:56,110 --> 00:08:57,150 I mean, who are they, huh? 147 00:08:57,236 --> 00:08:59,077 What? 'Cause their parents work at the college, 148 00:08:59,113 --> 00:09:00,614 they think they're all fucking fancy? 149 00:09:00,697 --> 00:09:02,783 You are the daughter of a rock god. 150 00:09:03,491 --> 00:09:06,661 If he's so rich and famous, why are we so broke? 151 00:09:07,662 --> 00:09:10,290 You know how many girls used to scream at his concerts? 152 00:09:10,373 --> 00:09:14,461 You know, rip their clothes off? Throw themselves at him? 153 00:09:14,544 --> 00:09:18,840 But your dad chose me. And together we made you. 154 00:09:20,675 --> 00:09:22,552 Now go get your fucking sneakers. 155 00:09:22,636 --> 00:09:25,973 Don't you listen to those smarty-pants assholes. 156 00:09:26,056 --> 00:09:27,456 They're gonna have boring-ass lives. 157 00:09:27,515 --> 00:09:31,186 They're gonna wish that they were you. You are cool. 158 00:09:35,107 --> 00:09:36,483 PORNSTACHE: Listen up, turd-bags! 159 00:09:38,777 --> 00:09:40,779 We're gonna let you have your little going-away party, 160 00:09:40,862 --> 00:09:44,699 but do not make our lives more difficult afterwards by hanging yourself, 161 00:09:44,825 --> 00:09:47,661 with a sheet, or a tampon string, 162 00:09:47,744 --> 00:09:50,247 or whatever the fuck you like to get all arts and craftsy with. 163 00:09:50,330 --> 00:09:53,000 No Thanksgiving suicides. 164 00:09:53,125 --> 00:09:56,461 Chapman, what are we not to do on this day of thanks? 165 00:09:56,544 --> 00:09:57,963 Commit suicide? 166 00:09:58,046 --> 00:09:59,047 Exactly. 167 00:09:59,714 --> 00:10:02,968 We are the Pilgrims, you bitches are the Indians. 168 00:10:03,051 --> 00:10:04,845 This is the holiday where we cooperate. 169 00:10:05,012 --> 00:10:06,346 BIG BOO: Oh, yes. 170 00:10:06,471 --> 00:10:10,433 We bring you maize, and you give us small pox blankets. 171 00:10:10,558 --> 00:10:12,853 Exactly. Everybody wins. 172 00:10:16,731 --> 00:10:18,108 You look like JonBenet Ramsey. 173 00:10:18,192 --> 00:10:20,735 (CHUCKLES SARCASTICALLY) Well, that's what I was going for. 174 00:10:21,361 --> 00:10:22,487 Can you hold this for me? 175 00:10:22,612 --> 00:10:23,738 Yeah. 176 00:10:26,867 --> 00:10:28,035 Did you make this? 177 00:10:29,036 --> 00:10:30,037 Mmm-hmm. 178 00:10:30,453 --> 00:10:32,706 It's my second attempt. I spelled it wrong the first time. 179 00:10:34,041 --> 00:10:35,042 (ALEX CHUCKLES) 180 00:10:35,292 --> 00:10:36,960 And they say you went to college. 181 00:10:37,044 --> 00:10:38,045 (CHUCKLES) 182 00:10:38,712 --> 00:10:42,716 God, I hate seeing people go. It reminds me how much time I have left. 183 00:10:42,841 --> 00:10:43,884 PIPER: Yeah. 184 00:10:43,967 --> 00:10:45,635 But think of the story that you'll have. 185 00:10:46,720 --> 00:10:47,762 That is my line. 186 00:10:47,929 --> 00:10:50,640 I know it is. You always trot it out in times of suckiness. 187 00:10:50,849 --> 00:10:51,892 Yeah. 188 00:10:52,392 --> 00:10:55,436 Like that stomach virus I had in Java. 189 00:10:55,562 --> 00:10:57,314 Oh, it was a great fucking story. 190 00:10:57,397 --> 00:10:59,157 The whole village came out to watch you poop. 191 00:10:59,358 --> 00:11:00,859 (BOTH CHUCKLE) 192 00:11:01,318 --> 00:11:02,319 Hmm. 193 00:11:02,736 --> 00:11:04,487 So maybe this is kind of like that. 194 00:11:05,113 --> 00:11:08,242 Yo, yo, she coming, y'all! Taystee! 195 00:11:08,407 --> 00:11:11,203 ALL: (CHANTING) Taystee, Taystee, Taystee! 196 00:11:12,746 --> 00:11:14,497 I'm getting out, bitches! 197 00:11:14,581 --> 00:11:15,832 (ALL CHEERING) 198 00:11:15,957 --> 00:11:17,167 Yeah. Fight the power! Fuck the man! 199 00:11:17,251 --> 00:11:18,252 Hey! 200 00:11:18,417 --> 00:11:19,586 Watch it. 201 00:11:19,669 --> 00:11:21,255 Hey, yo, come here. 202 00:11:22,256 --> 00:11:23,422 Girl, you my shawty. 203 00:11:23,757 --> 00:11:26,425 Aw! Cut it out. 204 00:11:26,593 --> 00:11:30,013 You scrubby little hood rats gonna make a bitch cry. 205 00:11:30,097 --> 00:11:31,098 (BOTH CHUCKLING) 206 00:11:32,182 --> 00:11:33,183 (R&B MUSIC PLAYING) 207 00:11:33,267 --> 00:11:34,601 I'll miss you, bitch. 208 00:11:34,893 --> 00:11:35,894 Yeah, girl. 209 00:11:35,977 --> 00:11:37,520 (INMATES CHEERING) 210 00:11:45,444 --> 00:11:46,654 My God, do you remember this? 211 00:11:46,780 --> 00:11:48,031 Yes. 212 00:11:48,115 --> 00:11:49,950 I don't even know how the arms go. I think... 213 00:11:55,956 --> 00:11:57,596 (INMATES LAUGHING) POUSSEY: What the fuck? 214 00:11:57,624 --> 00:11:59,126 Shit, these white girls trying to throw down. 215 00:11:59,251 --> 00:12:01,044 (INMATES CHEERING AND LAUGHING) 216 00:12:07,050 --> 00:12:08,490 JANAE: Yeah. BLACK CINDY: Yeah, girl! 217 00:12:08,593 --> 00:12:10,304 BIG BOO: Shake that ass. 218 00:12:14,099 --> 00:12:15,350 That's lesbian activity. 219 00:12:16,559 --> 00:12:18,145 INMATE: Yeah! 220 00:12:18,228 --> 00:12:19,604 It sure is. 221 00:12:20,772 --> 00:12:23,400 TAYSTEE: White girls gone wild. 222 00:12:23,482 --> 00:12:24,859 INMATE: Oh, my gosh. 223 00:12:26,653 --> 00:12:28,487 They're sexing, Mr. Healy. I seen it. 224 00:12:28,613 --> 00:12:30,489 This morning, in the bathroom, 225 00:12:30,615 --> 00:12:32,742 one girl's face was all up in the other one's hoo-ha. 226 00:12:32,826 --> 00:12:33,994 It was so nasty. 227 00:12:34,077 --> 00:12:35,662 It's an abomination. 228 00:12:35,829 --> 00:12:37,414 Okay, enough. 229 00:12:37,998 --> 00:12:39,333 They were moaning and everything. 230 00:12:39,458 --> 00:12:41,500 Speaking in tongues, like it's some kind of revival. 231 00:12:41,584 --> 00:12:44,712 Who? Who are you talking about? 232 00:12:44,838 --> 00:12:47,174 Vause and Chapman. 233 00:12:50,135 --> 00:12:51,928 Chapman? Mmm-hmm. 234 00:12:52,012 --> 00:12:53,263 Chapman. 235 00:12:53,347 --> 00:12:57,392 She a lesbian. They lesbianing together. 236 00:12:58,726 --> 00:13:01,480 They're in there right now in front of everyone, 237 00:13:01,562 --> 00:13:03,564 dancing all up on each other. 238 00:13:03,815 --> 00:13:04,858 Show me. 239 00:13:07,027 --> 00:13:08,695 (INMATES CHEERING) 240 00:13:15,576 --> 00:13:16,661 Chapman! 241 00:13:16,744 --> 00:13:18,038 Get over here. 242 00:13:19,831 --> 00:13:21,192 (MUSIC STOPS) INMATE: Party's over. 243 00:13:23,960 --> 00:13:25,920 We were just... Shut your mouth, Chapman. 244 00:13:26,380 --> 00:13:29,090 You think it's appropriate to violate your fellow inmate? 245 00:13:29,216 --> 00:13:31,176 Violate? We were just dancing... I said shut your mouth! 246 00:13:31,259 --> 00:13:32,551 You asked me a question. 247 00:13:34,888 --> 00:13:36,368 That looked like attempted rape to me. 248 00:13:36,390 --> 00:13:37,891 Take her to SHU. PORNSTACHE: Uh... 249 00:13:37,974 --> 00:13:40,185 What? You can't do that. 250 00:13:40,268 --> 00:13:41,269 Yeah, she's kind of right. 251 00:13:41,395 --> 00:13:42,979 Shut up, Mendez! 252 00:13:43,146 --> 00:13:44,939 You know, I'm tired of your shit. 253 00:13:45,065 --> 00:13:48,235 I'm your superior fucking officer! 254 00:13:48,318 --> 00:13:52,155 Now, you put her in the goddamn box, or I will fucking write you up, too! 255 00:13:52,239 --> 00:13:53,281 PIPER: No, no, no, no. 256 00:13:53,407 --> 00:13:54,699 She didn't even do anything. HEALY: Step back! 257 00:13:54,782 --> 00:13:57,202 Or I will cite you for assaulting an officer. 258 00:13:57,369 --> 00:13:58,870 PIPER: I have visitation today. 259 00:13:58,953 --> 00:14:00,121 Larry's coming to see me. 260 00:14:00,247 --> 00:14:01,664 You can't do this. PORNSTACHE: It's all right. 261 00:14:01,748 --> 00:14:03,458 Let's do what the man says... Please don't do this to me. 262 00:14:03,582 --> 00:14:05,252 ...before he has an aneurysm. Come on. 263 00:14:06,086 --> 00:14:08,006 PIPER: Please don't do this. PORNSTACHE: Come on! 264 00:14:19,266 --> 00:14:20,434 ABBY: Give me a shotgun! 265 00:14:20,517 --> 00:14:22,852 Give me a motherfucking shotgun, motherfucker! 266 00:14:25,688 --> 00:14:27,107 This is you. 267 00:14:32,487 --> 00:14:34,781 How long am I gonna be in here? 268 00:14:36,824 --> 00:14:38,952 Till we let you out. 269 00:14:48,044 --> 00:14:49,754 So tomorrow's the day. 270 00:14:50,797 --> 00:14:54,509 My cousin was supposed to send me my dress-out pack, but it never came. 271 00:14:54,634 --> 00:14:57,345 Now I gotta wear the same shit I came in here with. 272 00:14:57,471 --> 00:14:58,721 Man, it's gonna be too tight. 273 00:14:58,846 --> 00:15:00,932 (CHUCKLES) Man, you can walk out of here in a garbage bag, 274 00:15:01,015 --> 00:15:02,856 you'll still be dancing all the way to the bus. 275 00:15:04,561 --> 00:15:05,937 I'm scared. 276 00:15:06,229 --> 00:15:08,482 Nothing out there gonna be scarier than this shit. 277 00:15:08,648 --> 00:15:10,900 Shit, I been in institutions my whole life. 278 00:15:10,984 --> 00:15:14,195 I was a ward of the state till I was 16. Then juvie. 279 00:15:15,905 --> 00:15:17,157 I got no skills. 280 00:15:17,324 --> 00:15:18,783 MISS CLAUDETTE: Well, now you're just lying. 281 00:15:18,866 --> 00:15:21,828 You've worked in that law library for two years. 282 00:15:21,953 --> 00:15:23,663 You know more than my public defender. 283 00:15:23,788 --> 00:15:27,459 Yeah, but out there, you need real school for that stuff. 284 00:15:27,542 --> 00:15:29,383 (VOICE BREAKING) No one's gonna take me serious. 285 00:15:30,378 --> 00:15:32,589 MISS CLAUDETTE: You're a smart girl. 286 00:15:32,631 --> 00:15:34,424 You like to play the clown, 287 00:15:35,175 --> 00:15:37,677 but you've got a lot to offer this world. 288 00:15:37,802 --> 00:15:39,554 This is not a life, Taystee. 289 00:15:40,555 --> 00:15:42,849 Yo, listen to Voodoo Mambo, yo. 290 00:15:42,932 --> 00:15:44,725 Hey, yo, you think you just having... 291 00:15:44,851 --> 00:15:45,852 What they call it? 292 00:15:45,935 --> 00:15:49,439 That thing that happens to animals in captivity where it changes they brains? 293 00:15:49,523 --> 00:15:50,857 I seen it at the Bronx Zoo once. 294 00:15:50,982 --> 00:15:53,401 This giraffe ate its own vomit, 295 00:15:53,527 --> 00:15:55,987 banged its head up against the bars. 296 00:15:56,070 --> 00:15:59,616 'Cause it ain't fit to live in the wild no more. Don't know how to eat leaves. 297 00:16:00,200 --> 00:16:02,160 That's what I'm saying. I'm the giraffe. 298 00:16:02,285 --> 00:16:05,413 Fuck no, you ain't. Giraffes skinny. Look at that ass. 299 00:16:05,539 --> 00:16:06,706 (BOTH CHUCKLE) 300 00:16:07,790 --> 00:16:09,125 Yo, don't let 'em get to you, T. 301 00:16:10,918 --> 00:16:12,920 This ain't where it's at. 302 00:16:13,713 --> 00:16:16,675 Jed and Lane are flying in from Chicago tonight with the kids. 303 00:16:16,757 --> 00:16:17,800 Will Grammie be there? 304 00:16:17,884 --> 00:16:19,511 Grammie's gonna stay in North Carolina. 305 00:16:19,594 --> 00:16:20,761 She's got a boyfriend. 306 00:16:21,221 --> 00:16:22,305 No shit! 307 00:16:22,389 --> 00:16:23,390 Suzanne. 308 00:16:23,557 --> 00:16:25,892 Sorry, language. 309 00:16:26,518 --> 00:16:29,896 I know I'm a mess. I've been cooking at the soup kitchen at church. 310 00:16:30,021 --> 00:16:31,398 Sweet potato casserole? 311 00:16:31,481 --> 00:16:33,567 Yeah, I'm a one-trick pony. (CHUCKLES) Hmm. 312 00:16:34,108 --> 00:16:37,237 See, you're back at church. 313 00:16:37,404 --> 00:16:39,906 I told you, people will get over it. 314 00:16:40,031 --> 00:16:42,617 Well, there's a new pastor. Hmm. 315 00:16:42,950 --> 00:16:44,827 He's been really welcoming. Very nice. 316 00:16:46,120 --> 00:16:48,039 He introduced me to a money manager, 317 00:16:48,122 --> 00:16:50,625 who gave me some free advice on how to talk to the bank. 318 00:16:50,750 --> 00:16:52,877 And he's sweet with Michael. 319 00:16:53,420 --> 00:16:54,421 Um... 320 00:16:55,547 --> 00:16:58,508 Eva stopped by the salon. She's pregnant. 321 00:16:59,008 --> 00:17:00,760 You know, she's been trying for a long time. 322 00:17:00,843 --> 00:17:02,887 You like him? This pastor? 323 00:17:04,097 --> 00:17:05,348 He's a good man. 324 00:17:05,932 --> 00:17:07,308 That's not what I'm asking. 325 00:17:09,769 --> 00:17:12,689 I'm not gonna talk about this. It's Thanksgiving. 326 00:17:12,813 --> 00:17:14,232 Well, I wanna talk about it. 327 00:17:15,609 --> 00:17:17,360 What do you want me to say? 328 00:17:17,611 --> 00:17:19,613 That I met someone and I'm interested? 329 00:17:21,448 --> 00:17:23,324 That I'm lonely and I miss men? 330 00:17:25,285 --> 00:17:26,453 When you went away, you told me... 331 00:17:26,578 --> 00:17:28,121 I know what I said. 332 00:17:28,996 --> 00:17:33,042 Baby, I don't want some strange man around my son, my wife. 333 00:17:34,377 --> 00:17:37,631 Well, we don't always get what we want now, do we? 334 00:17:41,301 --> 00:17:43,136 What about your hair? Mommy! 335 00:17:43,803 --> 00:17:46,681 I happen to like my hair like this. 336 00:17:47,807 --> 00:17:48,808 (SIGHS) 337 00:17:50,685 --> 00:17:52,312 Hi. (CLEARS THROAT) 338 00:17:52,395 --> 00:17:53,813 Here to see Chapman? Yep. 339 00:17:53,896 --> 00:17:55,096 You two are such a cute couple. 340 00:17:55,148 --> 00:17:58,485 She's the cute one. I'm like her furry sidekick. (CHUCKLES) 341 00:17:59,902 --> 00:18:01,195 Oh, um... 342 00:18:01,321 --> 00:18:03,323 Actually, you can't see her today. 343 00:18:03,406 --> 00:18:04,574 Why not? 344 00:18:04,658 --> 00:18:06,951 She's had some privileges revoked. 345 00:18:08,077 --> 00:18:10,622 She's in the Security Housing Unit. The what? 346 00:18:10,705 --> 00:18:14,167 Solitary? (STUTTERS) She's in solitary? What did she do? 347 00:18:15,042 --> 00:18:17,003 I'm sorry, I can't tell you that. I don't... 348 00:18:17,086 --> 00:18:18,672 (STUTTERS) This is ridiculous! 349 00:18:18,755 --> 00:18:20,340 I need to speak with your manager, 350 00:18:20,423 --> 00:18:24,135 or your superior, whoever the fuck is in charge here, please! 351 00:18:24,218 --> 00:18:26,346 Please don't swear at me. I can give you a number to call... 352 00:18:26,471 --> 00:18:27,472 Is she okay? 353 00:18:27,555 --> 00:18:30,099 Can't I just see her for a minute? 354 00:18:30,183 --> 00:18:32,560 I mean, it's a holiday, for God's sake. 355 00:18:34,020 --> 00:18:39,359 Okay, can you at least give my phone number to her counselor, Mr. Healy? 356 00:18:39,484 --> 00:18:42,445 Okay? And have him call me? Right away, he needs to call me right away. 357 00:18:42,529 --> 00:18:44,656 Uh, I'm not allowed to... Please. 358 00:18:44,739 --> 00:18:45,990 Please. 359 00:18:48,284 --> 00:18:49,536 I guess, maybe. Thank you. 360 00:18:49,661 --> 00:18:50,995 Thank you! 361 00:18:51,078 --> 00:18:52,372 Do you have... 362 00:18:52,497 --> 00:18:53,748 Can I... 363 00:19:03,424 --> 00:19:04,425 I'll pass it along. Okay. 364 00:19:04,551 --> 00:19:10,097 And if you see Piper, will you tell her that I love her? 365 00:19:10,223 --> 00:19:13,100 Okay? And to call me. Have her call me. 366 00:19:13,351 --> 00:19:18,439 And also (HALTINGLY) that I love her. 367 00:19:20,233 --> 00:19:21,317 Okay. 368 00:19:23,152 --> 00:19:25,655 Happy Thanksgiving, Mr. Bloom. 369 00:19:26,072 --> 00:19:28,199 SHANNON: Motherfucker! INMATE: Shut up! 370 00:19:28,282 --> 00:19:31,411 SHANNON: (BANGING) Motherfucker! I'll kill you, motherfucker. 371 00:19:41,003 --> 00:19:44,006 SHANNON: I'll kill all you motherfuckers! 372 00:19:46,593 --> 00:19:50,012 INMATE: (CRYING) I'm gonna kill myself if I can't get out of here. 373 00:19:55,602 --> 00:19:57,019 (INMATE YELLING) 374 00:20:06,320 --> 00:20:08,823 (INMATE BANGING AND SHOUTING) 375 00:20:15,079 --> 00:20:17,540 (INMATE SCREAMING) 376 00:20:21,419 --> 00:20:24,464 My brother, Donny, shot a turkey last year, 377 00:20:24,547 --> 00:20:28,301 but it weren't really a turkey. It was a fucking bald eagle. 378 00:20:28,384 --> 00:20:29,385 (BOTH CHUCKLE) 379 00:20:29,469 --> 00:20:32,472 But he still shoved a Coors Light up the damn thing's ass 380 00:20:32,597 --> 00:20:34,181 and put it on the grill. (CHUCKLES) 381 00:20:34,307 --> 00:20:35,349 And proceeded to eat it. 382 00:20:35,475 --> 00:20:39,353 And when the ranger walked up, he had the bird hanging out of his mouth. 383 00:20:39,479 --> 00:20:43,817 He took his ass right to jail. And now he's in Federal, in Virginia. 384 00:20:43,900 --> 00:20:46,068 (BOTH CHUCKLE) 385 00:20:46,152 --> 00:20:47,361 Did it taste like chicken? 386 00:20:47,487 --> 00:20:49,280 No, it tasted like an eagle. 387 00:20:49,363 --> 00:20:51,365 (LEANNE CHUCKLES) (PENNSATUCKY CAWS) 388 00:20:51,491 --> 00:20:53,075 (BOTH CHUCKLE) 389 00:20:53,159 --> 00:20:54,368 Was your brother smoking tina? 390 00:20:54,494 --> 00:20:55,662 He snorts Oxy now. 391 00:20:55,787 --> 00:20:57,246 Fuck you. 392 00:20:57,330 --> 00:20:59,290 What the... Get the... The fuck! 393 00:20:59,373 --> 00:21:00,333 (YELPS) 394 00:21:00,458 --> 00:21:01,459 (SPITS) 395 00:21:01,542 --> 00:21:02,502 ALEX: Thanks for last night, baby. 396 00:21:02,627 --> 00:21:05,964 That shit was amazing. Nobody's ever licked my pussy like that. 397 00:21:06,046 --> 00:21:08,508 You are lying! I would never touch this bitch! 398 00:21:08,591 --> 00:21:10,343 Hey, knock it off! You wanna join your friend down the hill? 399 00:21:10,426 --> 00:21:12,011 PENNSATUCKY: You know, you're going to hell! 400 00:21:12,136 --> 00:21:14,764 And you're gonna burn there for the entire eternity! 401 00:21:14,848 --> 00:21:16,766 I'm already there. BENNETT: Have a seat. 402 00:21:16,891 --> 00:21:18,685 (OPERA MUSIC PLAYING ON STEREO) 403 00:21:19,059 --> 00:21:20,227 Taste it, Norma. 404 00:21:21,855 --> 00:21:23,189 (SLURPS) What did I tell you? 405 00:21:23,314 --> 00:21:25,441 It's damn near perfect. 406 00:21:28,862 --> 00:21:32,031 Ladies! Listen up! It's time to leave. 407 00:21:32,156 --> 00:21:36,118 Let's go! Everybody out, except for you. You can stay. 408 00:21:36,202 --> 00:21:38,872 Let's go, Silent Bob. That means you, too. Come on. 409 00:21:39,038 --> 00:21:41,040 It's okay, I'll take over. 410 00:21:43,501 --> 00:21:44,836 PORNSTACHE: Attagirl. 411 00:21:55,221 --> 00:21:56,556 (TURNS OFF STEREO) 412 00:22:10,904 --> 00:22:12,196 Where's my shit, Red? 413 00:22:12,697 --> 00:22:14,574 I don't know what you're talking about. 414 00:22:14,657 --> 00:22:15,992 Really? 415 00:22:16,075 --> 00:22:18,452 Are you gonna make me look through every box in here? 416 00:22:19,245 --> 00:22:21,748 How'd you do it? You stopped the truck? 417 00:22:22,582 --> 00:22:23,750 Maybe. 418 00:22:24,584 --> 00:22:26,836 Or maybe I got it from one of your girls. 419 00:22:26,920 --> 00:22:28,796 My girls wouldn't tell you shit. 420 00:22:29,296 --> 00:22:30,297 Huh. 421 00:22:31,340 --> 00:22:33,091 You want your pills? 422 00:22:35,053 --> 00:22:37,095 You can go stick your head in the toilet. 423 00:22:37,263 --> 00:22:39,348 There might be a few still floating around. 424 00:22:48,441 --> 00:22:50,860 You listen to me, you crazy cunt! 425 00:22:52,278 --> 00:22:56,449 The next time my shipment comes in, you're gonna put it to the side, 426 00:22:56,657 --> 00:22:59,410 top shelf, in the walk-in. 427 00:23:00,494 --> 00:23:02,204 Tricia's in detox. 428 00:23:02,288 --> 00:23:04,958 I hear Caputo's looking for her source. 429 00:23:05,083 --> 00:23:07,125 What would he think of your little operation? 430 00:23:07,293 --> 00:23:09,295 You mean, your operation? 431 00:23:10,046 --> 00:23:13,049 All the contraband comes through your kitchen. 432 00:23:15,760 --> 00:23:18,596 Looks like we're at a Cold War stand-off, Ruskie. 433 00:23:19,263 --> 00:23:21,223 And I got a bigger weapon than you. 434 00:23:23,267 --> 00:23:24,393 You wanna see it? 435 00:23:39,533 --> 00:23:40,701 (UNZIPS) 436 00:23:45,331 --> 00:23:47,165 (URINATING) 437 00:23:49,002 --> 00:23:51,004 (SIGHS) 438 00:23:58,845 --> 00:23:59,887 (ZIPS) 439 00:24:03,265 --> 00:24:06,393 Just a little something extra for the holidays. 440 00:24:11,482 --> 00:24:15,862 Next time you fuck with my stash, I'll end your life. 441 00:24:24,078 --> 00:24:25,203 (PHONE RINGING) 442 00:24:25,287 --> 00:24:26,288 MALE OPERATOR: Hello? 443 00:24:26,706 --> 00:24:28,624 Hi! Yes, hi. 444 00:24:29,709 --> 00:24:34,047 Hello, I am trying to reach the Executive Assistant or the Assistant Warden, please. 445 00:24:34,172 --> 00:24:35,589 Sir, it's after duty hours. 446 00:24:36,256 --> 00:24:40,386 Okay. Yes. Look my wife is in the solitary unit. 447 00:24:40,469 --> 00:24:42,388 Okay? She's being held there illegally. 448 00:24:42,513 --> 00:24:45,558 Now, my father is a lawyer, I know her rights. 449 00:24:45,641 --> 00:24:47,518 It's a holiday, sir. 450 00:24:47,601 --> 00:24:50,563 Exactly! That's exactly right! I know it's a holiday. 451 00:24:50,688 --> 00:24:52,565 That's what makes this so outrageous. 452 00:24:52,690 --> 00:24:53,890 You can call back on Monday... 453 00:24:53,941 --> 00:24:55,484 Would you please listen to me? 454 00:24:55,568 --> 00:24:57,695 Sir, please. Listen to me. 455 00:24:57,778 --> 00:25:00,322 I have left messages for the Associate Warden, 456 00:25:00,406 --> 00:25:02,825 for the Public Information's Officer, 457 00:25:02,909 --> 00:25:04,618 for the Department of Corrections, 458 00:25:04,744 --> 00:25:06,453 for the fucking Governor's office. 459 00:25:06,579 --> 00:25:07,538 Okay? 460 00:25:07,621 --> 00:25:11,333 If I don't get a call back from somebody soon, 461 00:25:11,417 --> 00:25:14,921 you people are gonna have a fucking lawsuit on your hands. Now... 462 00:25:15,046 --> 00:25:16,089 FEMALE VOICE: Hello, you have reached 463 00:25:16,172 --> 00:25:18,298 the Federal Correctional Institution in Litchfield. 464 00:25:18,424 --> 00:25:20,927 God! Fuck! 465 00:25:22,929 --> 00:25:25,514 Dude, that was really dramatic. 466 00:25:26,849 --> 00:25:27,850 (SIGHS) 467 00:25:30,061 --> 00:25:32,605 You know how much Piper loves Thanksgiving. 468 00:25:32,688 --> 00:25:34,190 It is her favorite. 469 00:25:34,314 --> 00:25:35,775 Yeah, I don't know why. 470 00:25:35,900 --> 00:25:37,985 Had to wear a suit jacket. Fucking toxic. 471 00:25:38,111 --> 00:25:39,831 You've been to Thanksgiving with my parents. 472 00:25:39,862 --> 00:25:43,241 Yeah, no, I know, it's horrible. She loves our Thanksgivings. 473 00:25:43,323 --> 00:25:45,451 Oh, in your parents' apartment? 474 00:25:46,119 --> 00:25:49,622 They go to South Beach. They have gravy boats. 475 00:25:49,705 --> 00:25:51,665 A maid comes and cleans up in the morning. Come on. 476 00:25:51,707 --> 00:25:56,087 They won't mind me using these awesome tchotchkes for my table-scape, will they? 477 00:25:56,170 --> 00:25:57,630 We have to cancel. 478 00:25:59,840 --> 00:26:02,300 We have to cancel. You have to cancel the whole thing. 479 00:26:02,426 --> 00:26:06,180 Cal, (STAMMERS) I can't host people here, all right? 480 00:26:06,304 --> 00:26:10,143 Not under these circumstances. All right? It does not feel right. 481 00:26:10,601 --> 00:26:14,105 No, yeah, you're right, man. We should cancel. 482 00:26:15,397 --> 00:26:19,485 We'll cancel. We'll cover the mirrors, sit shivah. 483 00:26:19,568 --> 00:26:22,655 It's what your people do, right? 484 00:26:22,780 --> 00:26:24,991 It's when someone dies, Cal. She's not dead. 485 00:26:25,116 --> 00:26:29,369 Exactly. Look, I love my sister, dude. 486 00:26:29,495 --> 00:26:31,914 But she got herself sent to the hoosegow. 487 00:26:31,998 --> 00:26:35,501 And now she's clearly pulled some other shit to get herself into even more trouble. 488 00:26:35,584 --> 00:26:38,587 You have done everything that you can do. 489 00:26:38,671 --> 00:26:42,340 And Piper would love the fact that you're throwing Thanksgiving, 490 00:26:42,424 --> 00:26:46,679 our friends are coming, the maid is coming tomorrow. 491 00:26:46,762 --> 00:26:52,518 And I've spent my entire life-savings on this, this marvelous turkey. 492 00:26:53,560 --> 00:26:55,313 She'd want us to celebrate. 493 00:26:56,814 --> 00:26:58,356 I'm sure she's fine. 494 00:27:01,359 --> 00:27:02,569 (BANGING) 495 00:27:02,695 --> 00:27:04,280 (SHANNON SCREAMS) 496 00:27:08,408 --> 00:27:09,409 Chapman? 497 00:27:10,828 --> 00:27:12,205 Mr. Healy? 498 00:27:12,370 --> 00:27:13,371 How are you? 499 00:27:15,624 --> 00:27:18,211 I'm in a cement box and people are screaming. 500 00:27:19,670 --> 00:27:22,798 You needed a little time-out to think about your behavior. 501 00:27:23,174 --> 00:27:24,466 My what? 502 00:27:26,052 --> 00:27:27,720 I was dancing. 503 00:27:28,012 --> 00:27:30,556 Provocatively. Sexually. 504 00:27:30,639 --> 00:27:31,974 Gay sexually. 505 00:27:32,058 --> 00:27:34,894 This is illegal. You can't keep me in here. 506 00:27:34,977 --> 00:27:36,896 See, there's where you're wrong. 507 00:27:36,979 --> 00:27:39,023 Chapman, I tried to be nice to you, 508 00:27:39,106 --> 00:27:41,275 because I understand where you come from. 509 00:27:41,399 --> 00:27:42,735 You don't know me. 510 00:27:43,986 --> 00:27:45,738 I thought we could be friends. 511 00:27:46,488 --> 00:27:49,325 You're not yourself lately. You're acting out. 512 00:27:49,407 --> 00:27:50,910 So you're teaching me a lesson? 513 00:27:51,035 --> 00:27:52,703 You should be thanking me. 514 00:27:54,080 --> 00:27:56,123 Alex Vause is sick. 515 00:27:56,790 --> 00:27:57,833 I get you. 516 00:27:58,959 --> 00:28:00,418 You're not like her. 517 00:28:03,172 --> 00:28:06,633 The only sicko here is you. 518 00:28:08,261 --> 00:28:10,179 And under different circumstances, what? 519 00:28:11,597 --> 00:28:13,557 I'd be your girlfriend? 520 00:28:14,850 --> 00:28:15,893 Is that it? 521 00:28:17,435 --> 00:28:19,146 Did I make you jealous? 522 00:28:21,399 --> 00:28:25,903 You put me in this hellhole for no reason. 523 00:28:26,820 --> 00:28:28,364 Wake up, Healy! 524 00:28:29,823 --> 00:28:31,367 Girls like me? 525 00:28:31,700 --> 00:28:36,872 We don't fuck ignorant, pretentious old men with weird lesbian obsessions! 526 00:28:36,956 --> 00:28:40,376 We go for tall, hot girls, 527 00:28:41,877 --> 00:28:44,463 and we fucking love it! 528 00:28:46,132 --> 00:28:49,760 So that leaves you on the outside, 529 00:28:49,843 --> 00:28:53,472 living your sad, sad little life. 530 00:28:54,098 --> 00:28:57,143 You don't get me! Ever! 531 00:28:59,270 --> 00:29:01,063 So go fuck yourself! 532 00:29:03,816 --> 00:29:05,985 Happy Thanksgiving, Chapman. 533 00:29:11,324 --> 00:29:14,952 SHANNON: Fuck you, motherfucker! 534 00:29:26,797 --> 00:29:28,632 Where's my mattress? 535 00:29:29,342 --> 00:29:31,177 Where the fuck is my mattress? What did you do to it? 536 00:29:31,260 --> 00:29:32,261 (SNORTS) 537 00:29:35,306 --> 00:29:37,016 Oh, fucking crackhead. 538 00:29:47,401 --> 00:29:49,569 My bunkie stole my mattress. 539 00:29:49,695 --> 00:29:50,904 Yeah. And? 540 00:29:51,864 --> 00:29:53,615 It's gone. It's not there. 541 00:29:53,740 --> 00:29:54,825 Then how do you know it was stolen? 542 00:29:54,908 --> 00:29:56,952 Because it's not on my bed, 543 00:29:57,036 --> 00:29:58,745 and she and her hick friend have been fucking with me. 544 00:29:58,871 --> 00:29:59,830 I need a new one. 545 00:29:59,913 --> 00:30:03,042 Okay, we issue one mattress per inmate. You can fill out a form. 546 00:30:03,125 --> 00:30:05,169 It'll take a couple weeks to replace it. 547 00:30:05,252 --> 00:30:08,172 And what am I supposed to do in the meantime? Sleep on the frame? 548 00:30:08,255 --> 00:30:10,883 It's probably good for you. A hard surface aligns the vertebrae. 549 00:30:10,966 --> 00:30:12,885 Your body will thank you. Excuse me. 550 00:30:15,721 --> 00:30:17,390 (LOUD ROCK MUSIC PLAYING) 551 00:30:17,473 --> 00:30:18,557 Who are you? 552 00:30:20,976 --> 00:30:22,102 I'm Alex. 553 00:30:24,855 --> 00:30:26,148 I'm your daughter. 554 00:30:31,862 --> 00:30:33,197 Holy shit. 555 00:30:38,369 --> 00:30:39,578 How'd you find me? 556 00:30:39,703 --> 00:30:44,166 Well, I saw the show. And then the manager sent me back here. 557 00:30:45,251 --> 00:30:47,420 Oh, you saw that shit? That was embarrassing. 558 00:30:47,503 --> 00:30:50,339 We can't even fill a fucking basement anymore. 559 00:30:50,423 --> 00:30:53,050 If one more jerk-off asks me to play Dirty Girl... 560 00:30:53,133 --> 00:30:55,386 I wish I had never written that fucking song. 561 00:30:55,553 --> 00:30:58,847 It is a great song. That is still a great song. 562 00:30:58,931 --> 00:31:00,349 Shut up, Lonnie. 563 00:31:01,600 --> 00:31:02,809 We're supposed to be in Philly, 564 00:31:02,935 --> 00:31:05,979 but Jimmy over here punched the booking agent in the neck. 565 00:31:08,482 --> 00:31:11,944 I can't believe you're my kid, man! You're my kid! 566 00:31:13,446 --> 00:31:15,197 I'm so happy to see you. 567 00:31:16,282 --> 00:31:17,616 Yeah. Me, too. 568 00:31:17,741 --> 00:31:20,827 'Cause I would've never recognized you in a million years. 569 00:31:22,496 --> 00:31:24,164 And you got a serious rack on you, too. 570 00:31:24,290 --> 00:31:26,875 I mean, I could have accidentally fucked her, right? 571 00:31:26,959 --> 00:31:28,085 But that would have been bad. 572 00:31:28,168 --> 00:31:31,505 No. Seriously, that's twisted. 573 00:31:31,630 --> 00:31:32,965 I didn't say that. 574 00:31:34,049 --> 00:31:35,801 Um, is there a bathroom? 575 00:31:36,260 --> 00:31:38,140 Is there a bathroom? (CHUCKLING) It's down there. 576 00:31:38,262 --> 00:31:39,388 Right. Thank you. 577 00:31:41,807 --> 00:31:43,100 LONNIE: Her rack? 578 00:31:43,183 --> 00:31:44,893 That would've been fucked up. 579 00:31:44,977 --> 00:31:46,520 Wow. 580 00:31:46,853 --> 00:31:48,481 LONNIE: (LAUGHING) Her fucking rack. 581 00:31:54,653 --> 00:31:55,654 (SIGHS) 582 00:31:55,779 --> 00:31:57,156 (SNIFFLING) 583 00:32:15,882 --> 00:32:17,510 Jesus, you scared me. 584 00:32:17,676 --> 00:32:19,011 You okay? 585 00:32:19,178 --> 00:32:22,515 I'm fine. I'm just gonna go home. 586 00:32:23,349 --> 00:32:25,184 He's not what you thought. 587 00:32:29,021 --> 00:32:30,439 It's fucking depressing. (SCOFFS) 588 00:32:31,231 --> 00:32:33,900 Been imagining this moment your whole life? 589 00:32:37,112 --> 00:32:39,031 I had this white fringe pleather jacket 590 00:32:39,156 --> 00:32:41,074 I always thought I'd wear if I ever met him. 591 00:32:41,908 --> 00:32:44,828 Nice, pleather. (CHUCKLES) What happened? 592 00:32:46,872 --> 00:32:48,165 You're right. 593 00:32:50,042 --> 00:32:52,085 Maybe that would've made the difference. 594 00:32:53,879 --> 00:32:57,757 Most people are better in the abstract. 595 00:32:59,635 --> 00:33:01,094 It's Alex, right? 596 00:33:03,055 --> 00:33:04,056 Yeah. 597 00:33:04,181 --> 00:33:05,182 Fahri. 598 00:33:07,601 --> 00:33:08,727 You want a bump? 599 00:33:08,852 --> 00:33:10,563 (CHUCKLES) No, thanks. 600 00:33:10,646 --> 00:33:12,022 Smart girl. 601 00:33:13,857 --> 00:33:16,026 Fahri, what are you doing hanging out with these losers? 602 00:33:17,277 --> 00:33:18,278 Uh... 603 00:33:18,987 --> 00:33:20,531 They're my clients. 604 00:33:22,616 --> 00:33:23,783 What do you do? 605 00:33:23,909 --> 00:33:26,620 I work for an international drug cartel. 606 00:33:26,745 --> 00:33:28,080 (LAUGHS) 607 00:33:28,664 --> 00:33:29,665 Right. 608 00:33:33,001 --> 00:33:34,253 (GROANS) 609 00:33:38,674 --> 00:33:40,634 Will you get Gloria? I'm dying. 610 00:33:43,554 --> 00:33:44,971 You're not dying. 611 00:33:45,764 --> 00:33:47,057 Here. 612 00:33:47,558 --> 00:33:51,937 Serves you right for drinking some stupid potion from some half-assed santera. 613 00:33:52,062 --> 00:33:53,355 Who told you? 614 00:33:53,480 --> 00:33:54,773 She told me. 615 00:33:54,898 --> 00:33:58,026 So I told her to give you some roots and berries. 616 00:33:58,110 --> 00:34:00,946 Make you shit your brains out and learn your lesson. 617 00:34:01,029 --> 00:34:03,949 So the tea was bullshit? It's not gonna work? 618 00:34:04,199 --> 00:34:06,952 You think I'm gonna let you ice my grandbaby? 619 00:34:07,661 --> 00:34:09,246 You want me to end up like you? 620 00:34:09,329 --> 00:34:11,290 I'm already in prison. 621 00:34:11,373 --> 00:34:15,127 All I need is five different baby daddies and an ass tattoo of a dog. 622 00:34:15,252 --> 00:34:16,670 It's a wolf. 623 00:34:20,674 --> 00:34:22,801 Daya, I made mistakes, okay? 624 00:34:22,884 --> 00:34:25,387 I didn't have nobody teaching me what to do. 625 00:34:25,512 --> 00:34:27,139 Oh, get away from me. 626 00:34:28,098 --> 00:34:29,618 Maybe I'm not the mother of the year... 627 00:34:29,642 --> 00:34:30,976 Oh, you think? 628 00:34:31,101 --> 00:34:33,822 But at least I put something into this world that could still be good. 629 00:34:34,480 --> 00:34:35,648 I made something. 630 00:34:36,856 --> 00:34:41,945 I fucked up my own life, but Eva, Lucy and Christina, 631 00:34:42,028 --> 00:34:46,158 Emiliano, even you could still be something. 632 00:34:47,493 --> 00:34:49,328 Babies give you hope. 633 00:35:25,197 --> 00:35:26,198 Fuck. 634 00:35:26,323 --> 00:35:28,033 (BOTH CHUCKLING) 635 00:35:48,679 --> 00:35:49,847 Oh, my God. 636 00:35:52,349 --> 00:35:53,809 There's mold. 637 00:35:57,229 --> 00:35:59,398 There's mold on the bologna. 638 00:36:00,315 --> 00:36:01,734 Oh, my God. 639 00:36:03,360 --> 00:36:04,778 VOICE: I found a maggot. 640 00:36:13,245 --> 00:36:14,454 Hello? 641 00:36:17,708 --> 00:36:19,167 Is someone there? 642 00:36:20,669 --> 00:36:21,920 VOICE: Are you real? 643 00:36:23,922 --> 00:36:27,342 Yes. Yes, I'm real. Are you real? 644 00:36:29,845 --> 00:36:31,304 VOICE: I don't know. 645 00:36:34,182 --> 00:36:37,185 I'm gonna take a bus all the way to the Bronx. 646 00:36:37,269 --> 00:36:38,771 Right to Angelo's Pizza 647 00:36:38,896 --> 00:36:40,731 and I'm gonna get a giant slice with the works. 648 00:36:40,814 --> 00:36:43,024 But just one, because after, 649 00:36:43,108 --> 00:36:46,069 we're gonna have a big old Thanksgiving at my cousin, Neicey, house, 650 00:36:46,152 --> 00:36:49,698 and we probably gonna go out dancing at the Monte Carlo Room, 651 00:36:49,782 --> 00:36:52,451 and I'ma order a Sex on the Beach 652 00:36:52,576 --> 00:36:55,245 with 10 maraschino cherries in it. 653 00:36:55,454 --> 00:36:57,790 And some man gonna buy it for me. 654 00:36:57,915 --> 00:36:59,499 (BOTH LAUGH) 655 00:37:01,919 --> 00:37:03,629 Well, that sounds like a plan. 656 00:37:05,756 --> 00:37:07,466 You know, ain't no one on the outside 657 00:37:07,549 --> 00:37:09,259 gonna do my 'do for a can of Pepsi. 658 00:37:09,968 --> 00:37:11,470 Which you still owe me, by the way. 659 00:37:11,553 --> 00:37:12,554 (CHUCKLES) 660 00:37:12,930 --> 00:37:15,056 Jefferson, they're releasing you now. Van's leaving. 661 00:37:15,891 --> 00:37:18,977 Right now? I gotta say my goodbyes. 662 00:37:19,102 --> 00:37:22,272 It's a holiday. COs wanna go home and see their families. 663 00:37:22,355 --> 00:37:26,067 If you don't go now, you're not getting out till Monday. Let's go. 664 00:37:27,444 --> 00:37:28,987 Yo! Where's Poussey at? 665 00:37:30,029 --> 00:37:31,740 Jefferson! Now. 666 00:37:40,206 --> 00:37:42,960 What the fuck? What the fuck? They already took her? 667 00:37:43,042 --> 00:37:44,377 I didn't even say goodbye. 668 00:37:46,171 --> 00:37:49,716 Taystee! Yo! (BANGING) Tays! 669 00:37:50,049 --> 00:37:51,969 She can't hear you. 670 00:37:52,051 --> 00:37:53,052 (BANGING) 671 00:37:57,349 --> 00:37:58,350 (CHUCKLES) 672 00:37:59,434 --> 00:38:01,770 (INMATES CHUCKLING) 673 00:38:13,866 --> 00:38:14,992 POLLY: Hello? Hello! 674 00:38:15,074 --> 00:38:16,201 PETE: Hello! Whoo-hoo! Hi! 675 00:38:16,284 --> 00:38:19,663 Come in, new family. (KISSES) Hello, happy Thanksgiving. 676 00:38:19,788 --> 00:38:21,874 Ooh, your parents have a nice place. Yeah. 677 00:38:21,999 --> 00:38:23,000 Cal! Hi. 678 00:38:23,082 --> 00:38:24,877 Hi. Do you know Pete? Mmm-mmm. No. 679 00:38:24,960 --> 00:38:26,378 And this is Finn. 680 00:38:28,171 --> 00:38:29,381 Wow. 681 00:38:29,882 --> 00:38:31,132 He looks like Steve Buscemi. 682 00:38:31,675 --> 00:38:33,218 Congratulations, man. 683 00:38:33,301 --> 00:38:35,012 PETE: Gotta wash your hands first. 684 00:38:35,136 --> 00:38:36,179 LARRY: Isn't that just to touch the baby? 685 00:38:36,262 --> 00:38:38,682 And to touch me, too. Polly's being a total nutter. 686 00:38:38,765 --> 00:38:41,393 If it were up to Pete, he'd let him suck on the bottom of his shoe. 687 00:38:41,518 --> 00:38:43,520 I hope you guys don't mind, but we brought a stray. 688 00:38:43,603 --> 00:38:46,398 Larry, this is our friend, Maury. Hi. 689 00:38:46,940 --> 00:38:48,650 Yeah, Maury Kind. 690 00:38:48,734 --> 00:38:51,319 I'm sorry, you're not a stray. You're Maury Kind from NPR! 691 00:38:51,403 --> 00:38:53,321 Guilty. Oh, my God, I love you. 692 00:38:53,405 --> 00:38:56,825 I love your show. I mean, I love... (STUTTERS) I love you. 693 00:38:56,909 --> 00:38:58,189 (CHUCKLES) Thank you. POLLY: Wow. 694 00:38:58,243 --> 00:38:59,244 Back off, Larry. LARRY: Sorry, sorry. 695 00:38:59,369 --> 00:39:01,849 Where should we put our stuff? Put it in the kitchen, follow me. 696 00:39:01,914 --> 00:39:03,415 You come meet my girlfriend! 697 00:39:03,540 --> 00:39:06,960 Don't get in her way, Cal! She's got an angry, red vagina 698 00:39:07,085 --> 00:39:09,421 and she's been drinking rum punch since 10:00 a.m. 699 00:39:09,546 --> 00:39:10,923 Thank God we pumped. 700 00:39:11,423 --> 00:39:13,842 I cannot believe you brought Maury Kind. 701 00:39:13,926 --> 00:39:16,428 Yeah, I'm mixing sound on Urban Tales. 702 00:39:16,511 --> 00:39:18,764 He's going through a divorce, so I invited him. 703 00:39:18,847 --> 00:39:20,724 I didn't know you'd geek out so hard. 704 00:39:20,849 --> 00:39:22,726 You know, I'd love to talk to him. 705 00:39:23,518 --> 00:39:24,937 Well, it'd be weird if you didn't. 706 00:39:25,020 --> 00:39:27,731 Besides, he read your "Modern Love" column and loved it. 707 00:39:27,814 --> 00:39:29,691 Stop it. Seriously? Uh-huh. 708 00:39:30,525 --> 00:39:31,526 Holy shit. 709 00:39:31,610 --> 00:39:32,694 PETE: Hey! 710 00:39:32,778 --> 00:39:33,862 Your language. 711 00:39:33,987 --> 00:39:35,113 Huh? Sorry. 712 00:39:35,196 --> 00:39:36,197 Shh. 713 00:39:36,281 --> 00:39:37,407 PIPER: What an asshole. 714 00:39:38,366 --> 00:39:43,329 I cannot believe people like him are even allowed to work here. 715 00:39:43,622 --> 00:39:47,793 They take these insecure, and frustrated men 716 00:39:47,918 --> 00:39:50,128 and they put them in charge of a bunch of powerless women 717 00:39:50,211 --> 00:39:53,715 and they become these predatory creeps. 718 00:39:53,799 --> 00:39:59,096 I mean, all of that condescending "I know what's best for you" bullshit. 719 00:39:59,721 --> 00:40:02,390 VOICE: You can rage, but they always win. 720 00:40:03,809 --> 00:40:05,102 They're the ones with the keys. 721 00:40:06,812 --> 00:40:08,730 How long have you been down here? 722 00:40:09,731 --> 00:40:12,317 I've lost track. I don't know. 723 00:40:12,985 --> 00:40:14,402 Nine months? 724 00:40:14,861 --> 00:40:16,237 A year? 725 00:40:18,490 --> 00:40:19,866 A year? 726 00:40:22,953 --> 00:40:24,329 That's insane. 727 00:40:24,412 --> 00:40:28,708 VOICE: They keep the lights on, so you lose all sense of time. 728 00:40:28,834 --> 00:40:29,960 It's not living. 729 00:40:30,043 --> 00:40:31,795 I mean, yeah, you're breathing, 730 00:40:31,878 --> 00:40:33,713 but you ain't a person no more. 731 00:40:33,839 --> 00:40:38,301 It's bad. You start to see shit that ain't there. 732 00:40:39,552 --> 00:40:40,804 You start to hear voices. 733 00:40:40,887 --> 00:40:42,639 Oh, my God. 734 00:40:43,348 --> 00:40:45,558 They keep you here till they break you. 735 00:40:45,851 --> 00:40:46,852 (GULPS) 736 00:40:46,935 --> 00:40:48,561 I feel like I'm gonna throw up. 737 00:40:51,690 --> 00:40:53,358 Why did I do that? 738 00:40:55,193 --> 00:40:56,903 Why did I say those things? 739 00:40:59,489 --> 00:41:02,200 He's never going to let me out of here. 740 00:41:04,036 --> 00:41:07,164 I am so fucking stupid. 741 00:41:07,914 --> 00:41:11,877 I am so fucking stupid! 742 00:41:12,335 --> 00:41:14,129 What's wrong with me? 743 00:41:14,212 --> 00:41:15,547 (SOBBING) 744 00:41:17,007 --> 00:41:18,591 VOICE: You still there? 745 00:41:25,807 --> 00:41:30,562 I swear to God that if they let me out of here... 746 00:41:37,610 --> 00:41:39,196 I will shut up. 747 00:41:39,696 --> 00:41:44,910 I will shut up and I will put my head down and I will do my time 748 00:41:44,993 --> 00:41:50,165 and I'll smile at Healy and I (CRYING) won't go near her. 749 00:41:50,415 --> 00:41:52,542 I won't even look at her. 750 00:41:52,625 --> 00:41:56,421 I can do that. I can do that. I can. 751 00:41:57,714 --> 00:41:59,091 Please. 752 00:42:01,634 --> 00:42:03,762 Please don't leave me here. 753 00:42:05,889 --> 00:42:07,099 Please. 754 00:42:08,349 --> 00:42:11,477 Hey, Vause, I know you're not working, but can I get my bag? 755 00:42:11,603 --> 00:42:12,771 Yeah, just give me a sec. 756 00:42:12,896 --> 00:42:14,773 What happened to your glasses? 757 00:42:14,898 --> 00:42:16,978 (MIMICKING PENNSATUCKY) Smashed in the name of Jesus. 758 00:42:17,025 --> 00:42:19,111 Oh, shit. Pennsatucky? 759 00:42:19,277 --> 00:42:22,114 Wow, you guys have released the kraken. 760 00:42:22,280 --> 00:42:25,075 She's decided it's her Christian duty to annihilate me. 761 00:42:25,158 --> 00:42:27,452 Because I'm a "privileged rich girl." (SCOFFS) 762 00:42:27,911 --> 00:42:31,873 Which is hilarious, because those types of girls tortured me my whole fucking life. 763 00:42:32,958 --> 00:42:35,085 If you and I had met in fifth grade, 764 00:42:35,210 --> 00:42:37,336 you'd have made fun of my clothes. 765 00:42:37,629 --> 00:42:39,172 (LAUGHS) Who, me? 766 00:42:39,297 --> 00:42:41,216 No, no, no, no. I would never. 767 00:42:41,258 --> 00:42:43,551 You look terrific. (SIGHS) Fuck! 768 00:42:43,635 --> 00:42:44,803 (NICKY CHUCKLES) 769 00:42:46,679 --> 00:42:48,056 I know what you were like. 770 00:42:48,140 --> 00:42:53,770 Upper West Side, doorman building, skiing in Jackson Hole. 771 00:42:54,146 --> 00:42:55,188 Am I wrong? 772 00:42:55,313 --> 00:42:57,149 Who told you that shit? No one. 773 00:42:58,399 --> 00:43:01,027 My business was built on sniffing out girls like you 774 00:43:01,153 --> 00:43:02,862 and turning 'em into drug mules. 775 00:43:02,988 --> 00:43:05,657 I knew it. You're a pimp. 776 00:43:05,824 --> 00:43:07,826 Man, you would've been perfect. 777 00:43:08,493 --> 00:43:11,788 Little Nicky at 19? Mmm! I would've turned you out in two seconds. 778 00:43:11,871 --> 00:43:14,249 I'd make a terrible mule. I would've done all your drugs. 779 00:43:14,332 --> 00:43:15,333 (ALEX CHUCKLES) 780 00:43:15,416 --> 00:43:18,503 Besides, okay, what makes you think I would've fallen for your shit? 781 00:43:19,545 --> 00:43:22,215 Well, you grew up rich, so you're used to easy money. 782 00:43:22,299 --> 00:43:25,177 You have enough stamps in your passport to avoid suspicion. 783 00:43:25,260 --> 00:43:27,512 You hate your parents. Yeah, totally. 784 00:43:27,595 --> 00:43:29,472 You're in your experimental phase. 785 00:43:29,555 --> 00:43:31,390 All you wanna do is fuck a woman or black guy, 786 00:43:31,516 --> 00:43:33,392 have some adventure... Hmm. (CHUCKLES) 787 00:43:33,518 --> 00:43:35,353 ...and still be able to afford a Birkin bag. 788 00:43:35,561 --> 00:43:37,189 Shit, I'm in! (CHUCKLES) 789 00:43:37,272 --> 00:43:38,356 Fuck it. You know me. 790 00:43:38,523 --> 00:43:40,108 Sign me up. 791 00:43:40,775 --> 00:43:42,194 Oh, was that who Piper was? 792 00:43:43,569 --> 00:43:45,530 No, no, Piper was different. 793 00:43:45,697 --> 00:43:46,865 Why? 'Cause you loved her? 794 00:43:49,159 --> 00:43:50,660 Because she was different. 795 00:43:53,830 --> 00:43:55,040 Get some glue, pimp. 796 00:43:57,458 --> 00:43:59,711 (SIGHS) Fuck. 797 00:44:03,464 --> 00:44:06,301 Crystal is in love with her pastor. 798 00:44:06,384 --> 00:44:08,220 Ah. (CLICKS TONGUE) 799 00:44:08,345 --> 00:44:10,055 I'm not surprised. 800 00:44:10,889 --> 00:44:14,517 A lot of women lust after their pastors, it's very common. 801 00:44:14,600 --> 00:44:18,938 And pastors can do that. Priests have to learn to bounce their eyes. 802 00:44:19,397 --> 00:44:20,899 Um, what's that? 803 00:44:21,024 --> 00:44:25,195 You never stay focused on a member of the opposite sex for too long. 804 00:44:25,570 --> 00:44:27,906 That's how I watch every Russell Crowe movie. 805 00:44:27,989 --> 00:44:28,990 (CHUCKLES) 806 00:44:32,077 --> 00:44:33,411 She wants my blessing. 807 00:44:34,620 --> 00:44:35,830 Then you should give it to her. 808 00:44:35,955 --> 00:44:37,207 Why? 809 00:44:39,458 --> 00:44:41,378 I don't understand why she needs to have sex. 810 00:44:41,460 --> 00:44:43,420 I mean, (CHUCKLES) look at you. 811 00:44:44,172 --> 00:44:45,882 I'm a nun, I took a vow. 812 00:44:45,965 --> 00:44:47,633 She married a man with a penis, I assume 813 00:44:47,759 --> 00:44:49,426 because she wanted to use it occasionally. 814 00:44:50,469 --> 00:44:53,723 (SIGHS) How much time do you have left? 815 00:44:54,266 --> 00:44:56,851 (SIGHS) Three years, eight months. 816 00:44:57,518 --> 00:45:00,230 You got what you needed at a pretty big cost to your family. 817 00:45:00,313 --> 00:45:02,274 This is what she needs. 818 00:45:02,941 --> 00:45:05,442 Doesn't Crystal deserve some happiness? 819 00:45:06,111 --> 00:45:07,862 Let her go. 820 00:45:08,780 --> 00:45:09,989 I can't. 821 00:45:10,115 --> 00:45:12,200 It's the right thing to do. 822 00:45:14,244 --> 00:45:15,954 (GUESTS LAUGHING AND CHATTERING) 823 00:45:16,079 --> 00:45:17,839 POLLY: Did you want some more sweet potatoes? 824 00:45:23,295 --> 00:45:24,879 So, Neri, what do you do? 825 00:45:25,046 --> 00:45:26,756 I'm a hyperbaric welder. 826 00:45:26,839 --> 00:45:30,676 Yeah, I used to work on the pipelines, but now I just normal weld. 827 00:45:31,510 --> 00:45:33,221 Isn't she a badass? (CHUCKLES) 828 00:45:33,346 --> 00:45:35,807 We met when I was fabricating some sculptures. 829 00:45:35,890 --> 00:45:39,269 Hmm, I have so many burn scars, Cal and I are naming them. 830 00:45:39,352 --> 00:45:43,689 Oh, oh! Speaking of scars, how was it? The whole birth thing? 831 00:45:43,815 --> 00:45:44,855 Did you eat your placenta? 832 00:45:44,899 --> 00:45:46,651 No. We passed on that. 833 00:45:46,776 --> 00:45:49,570 CAL: Oh, it's really good for you. Crazy nutrients. 834 00:45:49,654 --> 00:45:53,741 People dehydrate it and make it into pills, but that's the expensive way. 835 00:45:53,825 --> 00:45:56,202 I always just thought you could, like, scramble it up. 836 00:45:56,328 --> 00:45:59,872 (CHUCKLES) Just, like, put it in a pan with some salt and pepper. (POPS) 837 00:45:59,998 --> 00:46:03,418 Bam! It sounds gross, but possibly delicious. 838 00:46:03,500 --> 00:46:04,836 Throw some sage in there, too. 839 00:46:05,837 --> 00:46:08,298 Do you still have it? I don't. 840 00:46:08,465 --> 00:46:10,842 Pete, you're dropping food on his head. 841 00:46:11,801 --> 00:46:16,014 So, yeah, you know, we both decided to stick it out, you know. 842 00:46:16,097 --> 00:46:21,019 I mean, it hasn't been easy, but, you know, relationships are not easy. 843 00:46:21,102 --> 00:46:22,061 Right? Right. Yeah. 844 00:46:22,187 --> 00:46:25,190 Well, I thought your column was an interesting perspective. 845 00:46:25,273 --> 00:46:27,192 You know, the long-suffering husband. 846 00:46:27,317 --> 00:46:29,194 Fiance. 847 00:46:29,319 --> 00:46:31,528 I mean, I didn't really mean for it to come off that way. 848 00:46:31,654 --> 00:46:33,365 No. No, no, no, it was very entertaining. 849 00:46:33,739 --> 00:46:35,741 Thank you... Yeah. Yeah. 850 00:46:35,867 --> 00:46:38,119 Well, I'm a big fan of yours. I mean... Oh, well. 851 00:46:38,203 --> 00:46:40,830 Yeah, I love your show and... 852 00:46:40,913 --> 00:46:44,541 I was just listening to the one on road trips. 853 00:46:44,709 --> 00:46:47,795 Cal, the turkey is amazing. 854 00:46:47,879 --> 00:46:50,798 It's perfectly cooked. Thanks, man. It's a heritage bird. 855 00:46:50,965 --> 00:46:52,800 Actually, Maury, um... 856 00:46:52,925 --> 00:46:54,093 (STUTTERS) 857 00:46:54,219 --> 00:46:59,556 I was thinking that my story would work really well aloud. 858 00:46:59,932 --> 00:47:02,060 Right. You know, 'cause I consider myself 859 00:47:02,185 --> 00:47:04,687 a much better verbal storyteller. 860 00:47:04,770 --> 00:47:05,813 Right. You know, I don't know if you ever... 861 00:47:05,897 --> 00:47:08,233 Cal, what is a heritage... I'm sorry, what was that? 862 00:47:08,316 --> 00:47:13,612 Sorry. No, I didn't know if you ever were open to maybe doing a prison episode. 863 00:47:13,738 --> 00:47:16,408 You know, if you ever had guests like me on. 864 00:47:17,283 --> 00:47:19,536 Yeah. The thing is, if we wanted to document prison, 865 00:47:19,618 --> 00:47:22,372 we'd probably talk to actual inmates. 866 00:47:22,455 --> 00:47:26,418 And if we were gonna do a story about someone whose loved one was in prison, 867 00:47:26,501 --> 00:47:28,920 we'd find a more representative example. 868 00:47:29,003 --> 00:47:31,756 Cycle of poverty, that sort of thing. 869 00:47:32,006 --> 00:47:36,677 Right. Yeah, no, that... (STUTTERS) I get... That makes sense. I get it. 870 00:47:36,886 --> 00:47:43,600 But we are working on a show about unique long-distance relationships. 871 00:47:44,018 --> 00:47:46,479 You know, a guy who works down on the ice every year, 872 00:47:46,603 --> 00:47:48,189 a pair of married missionaries. 873 00:47:48,273 --> 00:47:49,606 Your story could be good on that. 874 00:47:49,732 --> 00:47:51,443 Really? Yeah. 875 00:47:52,318 --> 00:47:53,986 Wow. Yeah. I mean... 876 00:47:54,112 --> 00:47:56,281 Wow, I would love that. 877 00:47:56,406 --> 00:47:58,241 I mean, I would love to do that. 878 00:47:58,324 --> 00:47:59,492 CAL: Hey, toast! NERI: Yes! 879 00:47:59,616 --> 00:48:01,453 CAL: Toast. PETE: Cheers. 880 00:48:01,536 --> 00:48:03,371 Happy Thanksgiving. Happy Thanksgiving. 881 00:48:03,455 --> 00:48:04,456 Eye contact. 882 00:48:05,748 --> 00:48:07,750 (R&B MUSIC PLAYING) 883 00:48:15,133 --> 00:48:17,469 (INMATES CHATTERING) 884 00:48:21,306 --> 00:48:22,932 BIG BOO: No gravy? 885 00:48:23,433 --> 00:48:24,976 Why is there no gravy? 886 00:48:25,059 --> 00:48:26,685 You complaining? 887 00:48:27,312 --> 00:48:29,688 Uh... No, ma'am. No, no, no. 888 00:48:29,814 --> 00:48:31,648 Come on, Little Boo. Let's not complain. 889 00:48:31,774 --> 00:48:34,651 I don't know why you threw it out. I tried it. It tasted great to me. 890 00:48:39,449 --> 00:48:44,162 I'm thankful for my health, for my strong body and mind. 891 00:48:44,245 --> 00:48:47,332 And for you girls, who remind me every day 892 00:48:47,457 --> 00:48:50,209 that self-forgiveness is possible. 893 00:48:51,544 --> 00:48:52,711 Hmm. 894 00:48:52,837 --> 00:48:55,089 I'm thankful that Taystee got the fuck out of this dump. 895 00:48:55,173 --> 00:48:56,633 Yeah, I'll second that. 896 00:48:56,799 --> 00:48:59,760 I'm thankful for my new bitch, Little Boo. 897 00:48:59,844 --> 00:49:02,347 Sit, hooker. Ah! Good girl. (CHUCKLES) 898 00:49:02,430 --> 00:49:03,848 There you go. 899 00:49:03,931 --> 00:49:04,974 (INMATES CHUCKLE) 900 00:49:05,766 --> 00:49:08,126 Oh, and, of course, I'm thankful for all y'all other bitches. 901 00:49:08,186 --> 00:49:09,437 (INMATES CHUCKLE) 902 00:49:09,521 --> 00:49:11,189 Do you wanna say grace, Sister? 903 00:49:13,858 --> 00:49:15,360 I trust in the Lord 904 00:49:15,485 --> 00:49:19,947 with all my heart and lean not on my own understanding. 905 00:49:21,533 --> 00:49:22,618 Amen. 906 00:49:22,699 --> 00:49:24,076 Amen. 907 00:49:24,202 --> 00:49:25,828 POUSSEY: Amen. 908 00:49:30,667 --> 00:49:32,251 Man, it sucks to get glasses replaced, 909 00:49:32,377 --> 00:49:34,879 you have to get someone on the outside to fill your prescription. (SCOFFS) 910 00:49:35,046 --> 00:49:36,172 How blind are you? 911 00:49:37,173 --> 00:49:38,424 Blindish. 912 00:49:39,676 --> 00:49:41,886 Bright side, you can't see the color of these potatoes. 913 00:49:42,011 --> 00:49:43,012 (CHUCKLES) 914 00:49:47,016 --> 00:49:49,561 It doesn't feel right to be eating while she's in there. 915 00:49:49,686 --> 00:49:53,231 Straight girls. (SCOFFS) They'll fuck you up every time. 916 00:50:19,924 --> 00:50:22,801 (INMATE SCREAMS) 917 00:50:37,525 --> 00:50:39,318 (SPITS) 918 00:50:43,030 --> 00:50:44,282 Hey! 919 00:50:45,658 --> 00:50:46,951 Hey. (KNOCKS) 920 00:50:47,285 --> 00:50:49,454 Did you get this loaf thing? (KNOCKS) 921 00:50:51,289 --> 00:50:54,959 Looks like three different dinners mushed together into a mound. 922 00:50:55,668 --> 00:50:57,002 Are you looking at it? 923 00:51:00,465 --> 00:51:01,633 Hello? 924 00:51:02,799 --> 00:51:04,009 Can you hear me? 925 00:51:11,142 --> 00:51:13,185 Please tell me that you're still there. 926 00:51:17,273 --> 00:51:18,316 CAPUTO: You can't leave her in there. 927 00:51:18,399 --> 00:51:20,485 I don't know what the hell she's doing in Seg in the first place. 928 00:51:20,610 --> 00:51:24,280 Christ, even Mendez said it was uncalled for 929 00:51:24,363 --> 00:51:26,324 and that guy lives to throw people in the box. 930 00:51:26,407 --> 00:51:28,200 You're not my boss. Today I am. 931 00:51:28,326 --> 00:51:29,661 Fig is on vacation. 932 00:51:29,744 --> 00:51:35,750 And I am telling you I don't have the write-ups or the paperwork to support it. 933 00:51:35,832 --> 00:51:38,919 She got under your skin, Sam. This is personal. 934 00:51:39,044 --> 00:51:41,547 She thinks she's running the place. 935 00:51:41,798 --> 00:51:44,008 You don't have to tell me that. 936 00:51:44,509 --> 00:51:48,179 Her fiance is raising a stink bigger than the shit I took this morning. 937 00:51:48,304 --> 00:51:50,807 Christ, he's probably got the Obamas on the phone by now. 938 00:51:50,889 --> 00:51:53,810 These liberal, wealthy offenders, they're connected. 939 00:51:54,602 --> 00:51:58,855 And if they review this, the paper trail is going to be sweaty. 940 00:52:00,525 --> 00:52:03,569 So do us all a favor and get her out of there. 941 00:52:03,736 --> 00:52:05,738 It's not even 48 hours. 942 00:52:05,862 --> 00:52:07,281 Get her out of there. 943 00:52:13,579 --> 00:52:18,835 (INMATES PRAYING IN SPANISH) 944 00:52:20,586 --> 00:52:22,547 GLORIA: Mmm-hmm. ALEIDA: Mmm-hmm. 945 00:52:22,672 --> 00:52:24,089 GLORIA: Mmm. ALEIDA: Mmm-hmm. 946 00:52:26,883 --> 00:52:30,388 I'm sorry you feeling like shit, chica, but I had to do it. 947 00:52:31,681 --> 00:52:33,224 It's okay. I'm relieved, actually. 948 00:52:42,233 --> 00:52:43,442 (WHISPERING) I wanna keep it. 949 00:52:43,900 --> 00:52:45,570 (SPEAKING SPANISH) 950 00:52:45,695 --> 00:52:47,455 But I don't wanna get him in trouble, though. 951 00:52:50,241 --> 00:52:52,577 Don't worry, nena. We'll figure something out. 952 00:52:52,660 --> 00:52:55,912 You're gonna have a baby. I'm gonna be a grandmother. 953 00:52:56,205 --> 00:52:57,540 (SIGHS) 954 00:53:05,673 --> 00:53:07,466 (CELL PHONE RINGING) 955 00:53:12,096 --> 00:53:13,930 Hello? 956 00:53:14,056 --> 00:53:17,059 FEMALE VOICE: An inmate from Litchfield Federal Prison is attempting to contact you. 957 00:53:17,142 --> 00:53:19,395 To accept the call, please press one. 958 00:53:21,938 --> 00:53:22,939 (BEEPS) 959 00:53:23,775 --> 00:53:25,693 SOPHIA: Baby? It's me. 960 00:53:25,777 --> 00:53:27,986 Uh, I'm just getting in the car. 961 00:53:29,447 --> 00:53:31,198 I'll just take a minute. 962 00:53:31,282 --> 00:53:32,909 I was wrong. 963 00:53:33,492 --> 00:53:36,328 You do whatever you need to do. 964 00:53:37,455 --> 00:53:38,873 You have my blessing. 965 00:53:45,463 --> 00:53:46,963 Thank you. 966 00:53:49,216 --> 00:53:50,802 Happy Thanksgiving. 967 00:53:51,009 --> 00:53:52,386 Happy Thanksgiving. 968 00:53:57,642 --> 00:53:58,975 You Josie's girl? 969 00:53:59,059 --> 00:54:00,853 My cousin, Neicey, told me I could stay here. 970 00:54:00,977 --> 00:54:03,856 Neicey don't live here no more. And I know she ain't your cousin. 971 00:54:03,980 --> 00:54:05,566 We had the same foster family. 972 00:54:06,191 --> 00:54:10,321 Look, I ain't getting my ass in trouble letting some ex-con stay in my house. 973 00:54:10,446 --> 00:54:13,157 But I have to stay here. This is the address I gave my supervisor. 974 00:54:13,324 --> 00:54:15,367 The system gonna come check on me. 975 00:54:15,576 --> 00:54:17,161 That ain't my problem. 976 00:54:17,369 --> 00:54:19,204 I ain't got nowhere else to stay at. 977 00:54:20,372 --> 00:54:21,415 Shit. 978 00:54:23,041 --> 00:54:24,877 You can sleep in that corner. 979 00:54:26,671 --> 00:54:28,172 On the floor. 980 00:54:28,547 --> 00:54:30,048 Leave that mattress where it is. 981 00:54:30,174 --> 00:54:34,553 'Cause I ain't having no rapey motherfuckers coming in off that fire-escape again. 982 00:54:34,679 --> 00:54:36,681 And you're out in the morning, understand? 983 00:54:43,354 --> 00:54:44,563 Hmm, Burset. 984 00:54:46,858 --> 00:54:49,401 Um... You gave me four. 985 00:54:50,528 --> 00:54:52,196 Yeah, new doctor. 986 00:54:52,363 --> 00:54:54,866 He said your chart was wrong. So you're back to your old dosage. 987 00:54:58,202 --> 00:55:00,371 Thank you. 988 00:55:00,454 --> 00:55:02,038 Hmm? Thank you. 989 00:55:04,124 --> 00:55:05,125 (CHUCKLES) 990 00:55:10,214 --> 00:55:12,216 Chapman! You're out. 991 00:55:12,299 --> 00:55:13,592 Back to camp. 992 00:55:27,732 --> 00:55:29,132 FISCHER: (KNOCKS AT DOOR) Mr. Healy? 993 00:55:30,693 --> 00:55:33,487 Piper Chapman's fiance came to visit while she was in lock-up. 994 00:55:35,656 --> 00:55:37,533 (SIGHS) And? 995 00:55:37,616 --> 00:55:39,785 He left his number, sir. 996 00:55:39,911 --> 00:55:41,161 I'm sorry, I know that's against the rules, 997 00:55:41,245 --> 00:55:43,372 but he wanted to know why she was in SHU. 998 00:55:44,289 --> 00:55:46,959 Okay. Thank you. I'll take that. 999 00:56:01,640 --> 00:56:02,975 (LINE RINGING) 1000 00:56:07,271 --> 00:56:08,773 LARRY: Hello? 1001 00:56:08,940 --> 00:56:10,357 Hello, Mr. Bloom? 1002 00:56:10,441 --> 00:56:13,569 This is Counselor Healy from the Department of Corrections. 1003 00:56:13,652 --> 00:56:17,740 I have some information that might interest you regarding your fiancee. 1004 00:56:18,449 --> 00:56:20,242 (THEME SONG PLAYING) 1005 00:56:48,854 --> 00:56:50,815 Holy shit, Chapman, you're out. 1006 00:56:51,983 --> 00:56:53,109 Oh, my God... 1007 00:56:55,569 --> 00:56:57,655 Let's get out of here. Are you okay? 1008 00:57:00,866 --> 00:57:02,785 What are we doing here? 1009 00:57:09,000 --> 00:57:10,584 (BOTH MOANING) 1010 00:57:16,300 --> 00:57:27,129 Sync & corrections by honeybunny www.addic7ed.com