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00:00:06,000 --> 00:00:12,074
Watch Movies, Series & LiveTV
www.flixify.app
2
00:00:58,033 --> 00:01:08,307
Sync & corrections by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com
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00:01:18,068 --> 00:01:20,945
A colleague of mine e-mailed
that to me this morning.
4
00:01:21,071 --> 00:01:24,575
Apparently it was posted
on PrisonPoon.com,
5
00:01:24,658 --> 00:01:26,744
labeled as
"Litchfield Poonanny."
6
00:01:26,951 --> 00:01:31,206
Does your colleague often
browse PrisonPoon.com?
7
00:01:31,289 --> 00:01:33,584
I would like to solve
this problem
8
00:01:33,709 --> 00:01:35,753
before the warden
finds out about it, Joe.
9
00:01:35,878 --> 00:01:37,638
Neither of us wants to
see what happens if he,
10
00:01:37,671 --> 00:01:40,006
or, God forbid, the press,
get a hold of this.
11
00:01:40,131 --> 00:01:46,012
Forgive me for questioning the no doubt
pristine reputation of Prison Poon,
12
00:01:46,096 --> 00:01:49,266
but how do we know for sure
it came out of here?
13
00:01:49,433 --> 00:01:51,017
Notice the tile?
14
00:01:51,560 --> 00:01:54,479
Either one of your inmates has a cell phone...
There's no way.
15
00:01:54,605 --> 00:01:57,232
My guys tore the bunks apart
looking for the screwdriver.
16
00:01:57,315 --> 00:02:00,611
Then it's a CO. And he's taking
beaver shots of inmates.
17
00:02:00,736 --> 00:02:02,070
So much better.
18
00:02:02,153 --> 00:02:05,115
The warden'll love that almost as
much as he loves a dick in the ass.
19
00:02:06,283 --> 00:02:08,744
Well, what the warden does
with his free time...
20
00:02:12,664 --> 00:02:15,626
I will get to the bottom
of this, ma'am.
21
00:02:15,709 --> 00:02:16,710
I hope so.
22
00:02:16,794 --> 00:02:20,422
It is so depressing dealing with
a man who makes less than 40 K.
23
00:02:20,505 --> 00:02:23,801
I was really hoping to get
you above that this year.
24
00:02:30,014 --> 00:02:31,224
Christ.
25
00:02:32,601 --> 00:02:35,228
Freckle guy in Admin
is really into Photoshop.
26
00:02:36,146 --> 00:02:37,314
Useful.
27
00:02:38,482 --> 00:02:39,817
Are you back on carbs?
28
00:02:39,942 --> 00:02:44,195
My gut's all fucked up from my cheat
day, so I'm sticking to soft foods.
29
00:02:44,738 --> 00:02:46,865
Got some Go-Gurt
in the fridge for lunch.
30
00:02:47,324 --> 00:02:49,493
Watermelon Meltdown
flavor, so...
31
00:02:51,954 --> 00:02:53,538
Fig's on the warpath.
32
00:02:53,664 --> 00:02:55,998
Might want to hide out
in your office today.
33
00:03:00,170 --> 00:03:01,839
Between
the Baptists and the addicts,
34
00:03:01,964 --> 00:03:05,634
I can't find a peaceful place to
meditate on love and acceptance,
35
00:03:05,717 --> 00:03:08,178
which my Buddhist
faith requires.
36
00:03:08,303 --> 00:03:09,346
Mr. Healy,
37
00:03:09,471 --> 00:03:12,223
we're having a real hard
time praising the Lord
38
00:03:12,349 --> 00:03:14,518
in front of all these
heathens and sinners.
39
00:03:14,643 --> 00:03:16,854
We need our chapel.
It's our God-given right.
40
00:03:17,061 --> 00:03:20,482
Hey, Mr. Healy, would you
take a look at this?
41
00:03:20,649 --> 00:03:22,442
I think it might be the flu.
42
00:03:36,206 --> 00:03:40,711
Mr. Healy, them cracker meth-head bitches
won't let us change the channel.
43
00:03:40,794 --> 00:03:45,089
And it's our turn! I can't watch
no more Toddlers and Tiaras.
44
00:03:45,716 --> 00:03:48,886
Don't you triviatize.
This shit is serious.
45
00:03:49,011 --> 00:03:51,221
I won't support the
sexuation of baby girls.
46
00:03:51,304 --> 00:03:53,056
That's some nasty shit,
47
00:03:53,139 --> 00:03:55,851
even if some of they sequin
dresses do be on point.
48
00:03:58,311 --> 00:04:00,564
You into some dirty
shit, Mr. Healy?
49
00:04:02,065 --> 00:04:05,235
Fine! You have control of the
TV schedule from now on.
50
00:04:05,485 --> 00:04:06,778
I'll get you a remote.
51
00:04:07,111 --> 00:04:08,739
Now, don't bother me
for 24 hours.
52
00:04:08,822 --> 00:04:10,741
No, no, no.
Make it 48 hours.
53
00:04:11,241 --> 00:04:12,576
Yes, sir!
54
00:04:15,495 --> 00:04:17,855
...could do it. She's
been taking tap since she was 3.
55
00:04:17,915 --> 00:04:21,585
Planet Earth 24/7, bitches!
56
00:04:23,712 --> 00:04:24,713
Uh!
57
00:04:28,132 --> 00:04:29,133
In this climate...
58
00:04:29,509 --> 00:04:31,678
Huh, is that how you wear
your hair these days?
59
00:04:31,762 --> 00:04:33,764
Oh, really, Mom?
Every time?
60
00:04:33,847 --> 00:04:35,057
Don't be mopey.
61
00:04:35,139 --> 00:04:37,601
Polly had the most darling
French braid yesterday.
62
00:04:37,684 --> 00:04:38,727
You saw Polly?
63
00:04:38,810 --> 00:04:41,312
Yes. I dropped by
with a baby present.
64
00:04:41,438 --> 00:04:43,607
She told me about your
little chicken incident.
65
00:04:43,732 --> 00:04:44,772
Is that what she called it?
66
00:04:44,816 --> 00:04:48,070
It's none of my business, but I
think you owe her an apology.
67
00:04:48,152 --> 00:04:50,280
I have been trying
to apologize!
68
00:04:50,405 --> 00:04:51,615
Keep it down, Chapman!
69
00:04:53,450 --> 00:04:54,451
Oh, my.
70
00:04:56,327 --> 00:04:59,873
I have been calling her. A lot.
But she won't answer the phone.
71
00:05:03,668 --> 00:05:06,296
I need you to be
very honest with me.
72
00:05:07,965 --> 00:05:09,173
Are you losing it in here?
73
00:05:09,299 --> 00:05:13,720
Because we're very worried about you.
There are medications.
74
00:05:13,929 --> 00:05:15,513
I am not going crazy.
75
00:05:15,639 --> 00:05:17,474
I am surrounded by crazy,
76
00:05:17,557 --> 00:05:21,394
and I am trying to climb
Everest in flip-flops,
77
00:05:21,478 --> 00:05:23,814
but I am not going crazy, okay?
78
00:05:24,355 --> 00:05:27,233
Honey, nobody would blame you.
Look at this place.
79
00:05:27,692 --> 00:05:29,151
You're incarcerated.
80
00:05:30,862 --> 00:05:34,992
God only knows the emotional toll it
must take to be in here with that woman.
81
00:05:35,867 --> 00:05:37,702
She is the least
of my problems.
82
00:05:37,828 --> 00:05:40,204
She's your entire
problem, Piper.
83
00:05:40,664 --> 00:05:43,583
You'd be home trying on wedding
dresses, growing your business,
84
00:05:43,667 --> 00:05:47,462
giving me grandchildren,
if it weren't for her.
85
00:05:48,005 --> 00:05:50,090
She stole all that from you.
86
00:05:50,172 --> 00:05:51,257
Mom.
87
00:05:51,341 --> 00:05:52,509
Yes.
88
00:05:52,634 --> 00:05:54,344
I need you to hear
what I'm gonna say.
89
00:05:54,469 --> 00:05:56,178
I need you to really hear it.
90
00:05:59,181 --> 00:06:00,934
I am in here
91
00:06:01,852 --> 00:06:05,814
because I am no different
from anybody else in here.
92
00:06:08,399 --> 00:06:10,152
I made bad choices.
93
00:06:11,069 --> 00:06:13,195
I committed a crime.
94
00:06:13,321 --> 00:06:16,366
And being in here
is no one's fault
95
00:06:17,909 --> 00:06:19,077
but my own.
96
00:06:20,120 --> 00:06:22,372
Honey, if that lawyer
had done...
97
00:06:22,455 --> 00:06:23,665
Howard.
98
00:06:26,208 --> 00:06:28,545
Larry's father's name
is Howard.
99
00:06:30,172 --> 00:06:33,925
You never would have ended up
in here if you'd gone to trial.
100
00:06:37,219 --> 00:06:40,264
Sweetheart, you're nothing
like any of these women.
101
00:06:41,223 --> 00:06:44,561
Any jury worth its salt
would have seen that.
102
00:06:46,104 --> 00:06:49,399
Darling, you were a debutante.
103
00:07:26,061 --> 00:07:27,938
Visiting hours
will be over at noon.
104
00:07:28,063 --> 00:07:32,150
You may return at 2:00 p.m. for
the afternoon and evening hour.
105
00:07:34,986 --> 00:07:36,738
You look like her.
106
00:07:37,197 --> 00:07:38,281
That's what I'm told.
107
00:07:38,406 --> 00:07:39,616
You don't think so?
108
00:07:40,324 --> 00:07:43,120
I prefer to be in denial
about the shared genetics.
109
00:07:43,703 --> 00:07:46,248
You are in denial about
a lot of things, blondie.
110
00:07:46,372 --> 00:07:49,000
I'm a WASP.
That's what we do.
111
00:07:51,335 --> 00:07:53,630
I'm working on it. Are you
waiting for somebody?
112
00:07:53,713 --> 00:07:57,050
Nah. Wouldn't want to ruin
my four-month dry spell.
113
00:07:57,134 --> 00:07:59,886
Yeah, well, after that visit,
114
00:07:59,970 --> 00:08:01,471
that's starting
to sound appealing.
115
00:08:01,763 --> 00:08:05,308
Look, don't say ungrateful
crap like that around here.
116
00:08:05,433 --> 00:08:08,394
Your mother shows up,
buys you pretzels. Poor you.
117
00:08:08,478 --> 00:08:10,105
We all have our shit, Nicky.
118
00:08:10,188 --> 00:08:13,984
Yeah, some shit stinks worse
than other shit, princess.
119
00:08:14,067 --> 00:08:15,986
You don't know
how my shit smells.
120
00:08:16,111 --> 00:08:17,279
Sure I do.
121
00:08:19,781 --> 00:08:21,992
Your shit smells like Shalimar.
122
00:08:22,117 --> 00:08:24,244
Must have rubbed off
when she hugged you goodbye.
123
00:08:24,327 --> 00:08:26,163
What a bitch.
124
00:08:42,846 --> 00:08:46,183
Nicole! It's time
to wake up.
125
00:08:48,518 --> 00:08:49,602
Mom?
126
00:08:53,731 --> 00:08:55,942
Bacterial infection
in your heart.
127
00:08:56,026 --> 00:08:58,278
Usually introduced
from a dirty needle.
128
00:08:58,361 --> 00:09:00,697
They also found traces
of cocaine in your blood,
129
00:09:00,822 --> 00:09:03,158
which is a fun
new choice for you.
130
00:09:03,533 --> 00:09:05,118
I had pneumonia.
131
00:09:05,202 --> 00:09:06,828
It must've spread or something.
132
00:09:09,706 --> 00:09:11,208
Seriously, I'm clean.
133
00:09:11,291 --> 00:09:13,918
Ironically enough, you are now.
134
00:09:14,044 --> 00:09:16,379
You had several blood
transfusions during the surgery.
135
00:09:24,054 --> 00:09:26,931
Must have been a pretty
bad case of pneumonia.
136
00:09:31,269 --> 00:09:33,104
What, you gotta call Paolo?
137
00:09:33,230 --> 00:09:35,270
Make sure he's surviving
without your tit to suck on?
138
00:09:35,357 --> 00:09:37,192
You are 26 years old.
139
00:09:37,275 --> 00:09:40,237
Isn't it time you gave up
this angry, I-hate-Mom phase?
140
00:09:40,403 --> 00:09:42,030
Holy shit!
141
00:09:42,572 --> 00:09:44,282
Oh, you're my mom!
142
00:09:44,407 --> 00:09:47,048
See, I could have sworn it was that
brown woman who made me pancakes
143
00:09:47,118 --> 00:09:48,558
and read me
Charlotte's Web at night.
144
00:09:48,619 --> 00:09:50,747
I did what was good for you.
145
00:09:50,830 --> 00:09:53,457
Living with a nanny while you lived in
a separate apartment with that prick
146
00:09:53,583 --> 00:09:56,460
who thought children carried germs?
That's for my own good?
147
00:09:56,586 --> 00:09:59,881
I think if you take a second and
look at our current situation,
148
00:09:59,964 --> 00:10:01,132
you might reconsider.
149
00:10:01,258 --> 00:10:04,052
Do you know what? Keep blaming
everyone but yourself, Nicole.
150
00:10:04,135 --> 00:10:06,596
Seems to be working out
really well for you so far.
151
00:10:06,721 --> 00:10:09,266
I always miss you
until you're here.
152
00:10:10,767 --> 00:10:15,021
Then I realize the mom I miss must've
been someone I invented when I was a kid.
153
00:10:16,022 --> 00:10:17,941
I don't know what more
you want from me.
154
00:10:18,816 --> 00:10:21,694
I want you to do things
mothers do.
155
00:10:22,445 --> 00:10:27,284
I don't know, hold me,
give me sips of water.
156
00:10:29,452 --> 00:10:30,453
Anything.
157
00:10:32,163 --> 00:10:34,291
They told me
you were gonna die.
158
00:10:36,042 --> 00:10:37,585
I'm done, okay?
159
00:10:38,836 --> 00:10:40,130
I'll stay clean.
160
00:10:50,974 --> 00:10:52,350
Hey, Ma.
Mmm-hmm?
161
00:10:52,642 --> 00:10:53,643
What that...
162
00:10:53,726 --> 00:10:55,270
Fucking slut.
163
00:10:55,353 --> 00:10:56,646
Aleida, it's not worth it.
164
00:10:56,938 --> 00:10:58,022
Aleida! Aleida!
165
00:10:58,148 --> 00:10:59,316
Fucking bitch!
166
00:11:01,692 --> 00:11:03,194
Yo, respect your mother.
167
00:11:03,320 --> 00:11:05,280
Why? She never acted
like no mom.
168
00:11:05,363 --> 00:11:07,782
You okay?
Shit.
169
00:11:14,705 --> 00:11:17,834
Baby watch, day 232.
170
00:11:17,959 --> 00:11:21,671
Painting the nursery. Mimosa
yellow, non-toxic, obvs.
171
00:11:21,838 --> 00:11:24,132
Leave a message, but it might take
me a while to get back to you,
172
00:11:24,215 --> 00:11:27,551
because, you know, I'm preparing
to bring forth new life.
173
00:11:33,391 --> 00:11:34,684
I got nothin'.
174
00:11:35,685 --> 00:11:39,521
And you have no knowledge of anyone
taking his or her cell phone
175
00:11:39,647 --> 00:11:44,361
out of his or her locker
during his or her shift?
176
00:11:44,694 --> 00:11:48,031
If I were you, I'd ask Mendez.
He looks guilty.
177
00:11:48,114 --> 00:11:49,782
It's probably the mustache.
178
00:11:49,866 --> 00:11:52,035
You ever notice
how guys with mustaches
179
00:11:52,160 --> 00:11:54,954
always look like they
just fingered a little girl?
180
00:11:56,873 --> 00:11:58,582
How about a camera?
181
00:11:59,209 --> 00:12:02,212
You see anyone with a camera?
182
00:12:08,218 --> 00:12:09,511
Nope.
183
00:12:10,428 --> 00:12:13,723
You have not observed
184
00:12:14,849 --> 00:12:17,559
or participated in any
185
00:12:18,311 --> 00:12:22,065
inappropriate activity
186
00:12:23,274 --> 00:12:26,819
or relation with an inmate?
187
00:12:28,238 --> 00:12:30,407
No, sir. It's...
188
00:12:34,827 --> 00:12:37,788
Because, in here, inappropriate
189
00:12:38,915 --> 00:12:40,500
can mean a smile
190
00:12:41,084 --> 00:12:43,253
at the wrong time, Bennett.
191
00:12:44,087 --> 00:12:49,467
These women are hungry,
if you get my meaning.
192
00:12:50,760 --> 00:12:52,220
Yes, sir.
193
00:12:52,429 --> 00:12:55,098
They want sex, is what I mean.
194
00:12:56,015 --> 00:12:57,225
Understood, sir.
195
00:12:58,226 --> 00:13:00,978
Good. We're done here.
We're done.
196
00:13:08,111 --> 00:13:09,362
Mr. Caputo?
197
00:13:10,363 --> 00:13:13,491
Come in.
Susan, have a seat.
198
00:13:14,616 --> 00:13:18,580
Congratulations on becoming a
Litchfield correctional officer.
199
00:13:18,662 --> 00:13:21,291
We really appreciate
you coming in so soon.
200
00:13:21,916 --> 00:13:24,085
CO Thompson came...
201
00:13:24,877 --> 00:13:26,670
This is confidential,
of course.
202
00:13:26,796 --> 00:13:28,298
Well, he came a little undone
203
00:13:28,423 --> 00:13:34,387
and is currently on
temporary/permanent leave.
204
00:13:34,971 --> 00:13:38,975
The inmate will have to wear
an eye patch for a few weeks.
205
00:13:39,476 --> 00:13:41,936
Well, I'll be sure to keep my
hands to myself, sir.
206
00:13:42,019 --> 00:13:44,939
Except during strip searches, I hope.
Right?
207
00:13:48,485 --> 00:13:54,491
Anyway, I just wanted to personally
make sure you're settling in okay
208
00:13:54,574 --> 00:14:01,205
and bring you up to speed
on our current crisis.
209
00:14:13,009 --> 00:14:14,177
Why'd you change the station?
210
00:14:14,344 --> 00:14:16,846
That reggaeton shit
gives me a headache.
211
00:14:16,929 --> 00:14:19,015
It's the same thing
over and over.
212
00:14:19,098 --> 00:14:21,100
How come none of these
stations play The Smiths?
213
00:14:21,184 --> 00:14:22,685
'Cause it's pussy music.
214
00:14:22,810 --> 00:14:26,397
How Soon Is Now? is,
like, an '80s anthem.
215
00:14:26,523 --> 00:14:28,024
Bitch, you were born in '92.
216
00:14:28,107 --> 00:14:30,234
So? So you don't know shit.
217
00:14:31,068 --> 00:14:34,280
The shark makes its move,
moving directly to the seal.
218
00:14:36,491 --> 00:14:37,783
Oh, fuck this!
219
00:14:37,867 --> 00:14:42,288
That's it. Ina Garten is making
brown butter cake today.
220
00:14:42,413 --> 00:14:44,081
Don't fuck with my
cooking shows. T!
221
00:14:44,207 --> 00:14:45,791
It don't matter
what you wanna watch.
222
00:14:45,875 --> 00:14:50,046
I'm president of the TV, and you
can't do nothing about it, Pussy.
223
00:14:50,213 --> 00:14:53,841
My name is Poussey.
Accent a droite, bitch.
224
00:14:54,551 --> 00:14:55,593
Accent a what?
225
00:14:55,718 --> 00:14:56,802
It's French.
226
00:14:56,886 --> 00:14:59,138
Poussey is a place in France
where my daddy served,
227
00:14:59,222 --> 00:15:00,723
and kings was born and shit.
228
00:15:00,848 --> 00:15:02,008
What the fuck you named after?
229
00:15:02,016 --> 00:15:03,476
Some bullshit cakes
with cream in the middle?
230
00:15:03,560 --> 00:15:05,061
You callin' me a Ho Ho?
231
00:15:05,144 --> 00:15:08,189
It's Hostess, you dumbass.
Man, you a fuckin' Swiss roll.
232
00:15:11,484 --> 00:15:12,860
Norma, will you go?
233
00:15:12,943 --> 00:15:14,320
What, are you blind now, too?
234
00:15:14,404 --> 00:15:17,073
If you put the "S"
on the end of "knife,"
235
00:15:17,156 --> 00:15:18,741
you can make "slut" going down.
236
00:15:18,866 --> 00:15:19,909
Fifteen points ain't bad.
237
00:15:19,992 --> 00:15:20,993
No cheating!
238
00:15:21,077 --> 00:15:22,537
Oh, I'm just helping her.
239
00:15:23,079 --> 00:15:26,249
The plural of "knife"
is "knives," genius.
240
00:15:27,083 --> 00:15:28,585
No such fucking
word as "knifes."
241
00:15:28,668 --> 00:15:30,086
Oh, no?
242
00:15:30,169 --> 00:15:33,172
Well, then what does Tony do to
Bernardo in West Side Story?
243
00:15:33,256 --> 00:15:36,008
I'll tell you what.
He knifes him.
244
00:15:36,092 --> 00:15:39,512
Well, aren't you
the plot spoiler?
245
00:15:39,596 --> 00:15:41,013
So, here's a good idea.
246
00:15:41,097 --> 00:15:42,973
Why don't you mind
your own fucking business
247
00:15:43,099 --> 00:15:46,436
and go back to planning your cute
little hetero wedding?
248
00:15:46,810 --> 00:15:49,855
Hey! Are you gonna get
your dress off of eBay?
249
00:15:49,939 --> 00:15:53,192
I sure hope nobody scams you.
That'd be fucking ironic.
250
00:15:54,860 --> 00:15:57,530
Don't you dare!
251
00:15:57,614 --> 00:15:59,134
You are way too fucking
short for that!
252
00:15:59,198 --> 00:16:01,659
Sit down, Boo! I am serious!
253
00:16:02,452 --> 00:16:03,786
Hey.
254
00:16:03,869 --> 00:16:04,954
Hey!
255
00:16:06,623 --> 00:16:11,628
You ladies need to start
acting like ladies.
256
00:16:13,170 --> 00:16:14,410
Now, what's the
problem in here?
257
00:16:18,635 --> 00:16:19,969
Ladies!
258
00:16:20,762 --> 00:16:22,138
Ladies!
259
00:16:24,432 --> 00:16:26,976
I'm gonna bring back
the Women's Advisory Council.
260
00:16:27,059 --> 00:16:29,437
The first election
will be held this Saturday.
261
00:16:29,520 --> 00:16:32,315
In the meantime,
don't bother me
262
00:16:32,565 --> 00:16:33,983
and simmer down,
263
00:16:35,025 --> 00:16:36,152
okay?
264
00:16:36,235 --> 00:16:38,112
All kitchen
inmate duties...
265
00:16:38,362 --> 00:16:39,489
Thank you.
266
00:16:41,991 --> 00:16:45,202
Oh, it's on. Who's gonna
be duchess of WAC?
267
00:16:45,328 --> 00:16:46,663
Taystee!
268
00:16:46,746 --> 00:16:48,998
♪ Taystee ♪
269
00:16:54,920 --> 00:16:59,342
So, I'm thinking campaign
buttons instead of posters,
270
00:16:59,425 --> 00:17:02,345
'cause everyone
will be doing posters.
271
00:17:02,428 --> 00:17:06,182
We can stick 'em on with tape. What
do you think about yellow and pink?
272
00:17:06,307 --> 00:17:07,308
They're my wedding colors.
273
00:17:07,391 --> 00:17:09,602
It's just a real
pretty combination.
274
00:17:09,686 --> 00:17:13,022
But I don't wanna tell Christopher,
'cause I don't want him to get jealous.
275
00:17:13,105 --> 00:17:15,525
'Course not. You wouldn't want him
to think you liked pink in prison,
276
00:17:15,608 --> 00:17:16,609
right, Morello?
277
00:17:17,943 --> 00:17:20,023
Still can't believe you're
running for this lame shit.
278
00:17:20,029 --> 00:17:21,447
Red told me to.
I'm her pick.
279
00:17:21,531 --> 00:17:23,115
You want me to say no to her?
280
00:17:23,574 --> 00:17:25,034
She picked you?
281
00:17:25,117 --> 00:17:27,077
Yeah. You got
a problem with that?
282
00:17:27,203 --> 00:17:29,643
I just think it would have been
smarter for her to pick a dyke.
283
00:17:29,664 --> 00:17:31,081
A real dyke.
284
00:17:31,207 --> 00:17:34,502
Yeah, Nicky. Last time I
checked, Lorna was pretty gay.
285
00:17:34,585 --> 00:17:36,546
Gay for you,
as a matter of fact.
286
00:17:36,629 --> 00:17:39,215
Oh, you didn't hear?
We're done.
287
00:17:39,340 --> 00:17:41,884
Well, she's gotta start working
on tightening her pussy muscles,
288
00:17:42,009 --> 00:17:45,095
'cause her fiance's dick is so small,
it's like a hot dog in a hallway, so...
289
00:17:45,221 --> 00:17:46,222
Wow.
290
00:17:46,305 --> 00:17:48,850
All right, ladies! Taystee! Taystee!
What's happening?
291
00:17:48,932 --> 00:17:51,352
So, who are you running
against besides Taystee?
292
00:17:51,435 --> 00:17:54,480
She don't count. Black ladies just
run against the other black ladies.
293
00:17:54,564 --> 00:17:56,357
My competition is Pennsatucky.
294
00:17:56,440 --> 00:17:59,694
But it don't matter, because Red's gonna
make all the white girls vote for me.
295
00:17:59,777 --> 00:18:02,363
So, you only run against
white people. Hmm.
296
00:18:02,446 --> 00:18:04,574
You can only vote within
your race or your group.
297
00:18:04,699 --> 00:18:05,867
Look, just pretend
it's the 1950s.
298
00:18:05,949 --> 00:18:07,076
It makes it easier
to understand.
299
00:18:07,201 --> 00:18:10,705
See, everyone elects a
representative from their own tribe.
300
00:18:10,788 --> 00:18:16,419
White, black, Hispanic,
golden girls, others.
301
00:18:16,544 --> 00:18:19,088
And those five gals,
they meet with Healy,
302
00:18:19,171 --> 00:18:20,548
they tell him what we want,
303
00:18:20,631 --> 00:18:23,926
then he speaks to the higher-ups.
It's like student council.
304
00:18:24,051 --> 00:18:26,262
But how is that
an effective system?
305
00:18:26,387 --> 00:18:28,556
Not every Hispanic person
wants the same thing.
306
00:18:28,639 --> 00:18:31,350
Oh, sure they do. They all
want to come to America.
307
00:18:31,434 --> 00:18:34,103
Jesus, your entire world view is
based on West Side Story, isn't it?
308
00:18:34,186 --> 00:18:37,064
Can we get back to Lorna being racist?
Just more of that, please.
309
00:18:37,481 --> 00:18:39,734
But...
Okay, fine.
310
00:18:39,817 --> 00:18:42,570
See, I know because my
neighborhood is near them.
311
00:18:42,653 --> 00:18:45,239
They live, like, 20
people to one apartment.
312
00:18:45,322 --> 00:18:46,616
They have more kids
than even the Irish.
313
00:18:46,741 --> 00:18:48,868
The men like their women
with big titties, big asses.
314
00:18:48,951 --> 00:18:51,071
They're dirty, they're greasy,
their food smells nasty
315
00:18:51,120 --> 00:18:52,914
and they're taking
all our jobs.
316
00:18:52,996 --> 00:18:56,375
If y'all want a man representing
you, be my fucking guest.
317
00:18:56,459 --> 00:18:59,336
That bitch got a plastic
pussy or some shit.
318
00:18:59,462 --> 00:19:01,171
You wanna see it?
319
00:19:01,297 --> 00:19:03,758
Please! You flash that shit
like it's made out of diamonds.
320
00:19:03,841 --> 00:19:06,281
I done seen it about 10 times already today.
321
00:19:06,302 --> 00:19:09,472
Listen, honey, I know all you care about
is what you get to watch on the TV,
322
00:19:09,597 --> 00:19:10,890
but me and my
diamond kitty here
323
00:19:10,973 --> 00:19:13,935
wanna prioritize things
around this place,
324
00:19:14,017 --> 00:19:16,270
like health care,
basic human rights...
325
00:19:16,353 --> 00:19:18,898
You ain't never gonna
change that shit.
326
00:19:18,981 --> 00:19:21,400
You think
this white people politics?
327
00:19:22,067 --> 00:19:24,821
Let's talk about
health care, Mackenzie.
328
00:19:24,904 --> 00:19:27,657
Oh, Amanda, I'd rather not.
It's not polite.
329
00:19:27,740 --> 00:19:29,700
Well, did you see that
wonderful new documentary
330
00:19:29,826 --> 00:19:31,410
about the best sushi
in the world?
331
00:19:31,494 --> 00:19:35,289
Of course, now that I'm vegan, I didn't
enjoy it as much as I might have before.
332
00:19:35,372 --> 00:19:37,333
You know, I just
don't have the time.
333
00:19:37,458 --> 00:19:41,337
Chad and I have our yoga workshop,
then wine tasting class.
334
00:19:41,420 --> 00:19:46,175
And then we have to have really
quiet sex every night at 9:00.
335
00:19:46,258 --> 00:19:49,512
But did you hear that piece
on NPR about hedge funds?
336
00:19:49,595 --> 00:19:53,516
Amanda, let me ask you, what do you
think about my bangs these days?
337
00:19:53,599 --> 00:19:54,725
I mean, do you
like 'em straight down,
338
00:19:54,851 --> 00:19:56,853
or should I be doing more
of a sweep to the side?
339
00:19:56,936 --> 00:19:58,354
Sweep to the side.
340
00:20:00,314 --> 00:20:01,440
Yo, you gotta...
341
00:20:01,524 --> 00:20:04,694
If you want more pizza,
vote for Maritza.
342
00:20:04,819 --> 00:20:06,278
That shit is horrible.
343
00:20:06,779 --> 00:20:09,824
I like pizza.
Everyone likes pizza.
344
00:20:09,907 --> 00:20:11,074
What? It's
American and shit.
345
00:20:11,200 --> 00:20:12,952
It's Italian,
you fucking idiot.
346
00:20:13,035 --> 00:20:14,370
What, you got something better?
347
00:20:14,453 --> 00:20:16,372
Yeah. I'm gonna run.
348
00:20:16,497 --> 00:20:19,542
Oh, shit. It's on.
Wow, fancy!
349
00:20:19,667 --> 00:20:22,962
What, "Vote for Flaca,
puta's full of caca"?
350
00:20:23,045 --> 00:20:25,548
All right!
Okay!
351
00:20:27,424 --> 00:20:29,552
Shit. It don't matter
who wins, all right?
352
00:20:29,635 --> 00:20:31,345
Just as long
as you handle our shit.
353
00:20:32,054 --> 00:20:34,682
Please. I can out-shout
any of these bitches.
354
00:20:34,765 --> 00:20:36,058
Are you sure?
355
00:20:36,141 --> 00:20:37,518
Oh!
356
00:20:37,894 --> 00:20:40,145
All of you who think we don't have
any sisters, we're black people...
357
00:20:40,229 --> 00:20:42,064
Did you know they can't float?
358
00:20:42,147 --> 00:20:43,357
What the hell
are you talking about?
359
00:20:43,440 --> 00:20:44,441
It's true!
360
00:20:44,567 --> 00:20:46,235
Like in the swimming
pool and shit.
361
00:20:46,360 --> 00:20:48,404
Their bone density
ain't right for it.
362
00:20:49,989 --> 00:20:51,782
Yo, my uncle told me.
363
00:20:52,825 --> 00:20:54,994
Yo, that shit is
crazy, Flaca-ca.
364
00:20:55,536 --> 00:20:56,996
They're smelly,
stupid and lazy,
365
00:20:57,079 --> 00:20:58,748
but they ain't got
different bones.
366
00:20:58,873 --> 00:21:02,459
Except in their pants. Yo, let
me tell you, them black boys,
367
00:21:02,585 --> 00:21:06,213
they got some serious trouser meat.
Like, whoa!
368
00:21:14,221 --> 00:21:15,681
That's enough!
369
00:21:15,765 --> 00:21:19,435
Quiet down!
Hey! Quiet down!
370
00:21:19,518 --> 00:21:22,772
You are in violation
of the Litchfield...
371
00:21:22,897 --> 00:21:24,065
Shut up!
372
00:21:37,453 --> 00:21:39,538
Well, don't be an observer.
Grab a rag.
373
00:21:45,962 --> 00:21:47,337
What's up, Nicky?
374
00:21:47,463 --> 00:21:49,256
This rag smells like mildew.
375
00:21:50,132 --> 00:21:53,010
It means your counter
is gonna smell like mildew.
376
00:21:53,135 --> 00:21:54,470
That's gross.
377
00:21:54,595 --> 00:21:56,097
You need to wash
your rags, Red.
378
00:21:57,640 --> 00:21:59,016
Nicky...
379
00:22:03,145 --> 00:22:05,481
Why'd you choose Lorna
to run for WAC and not me?
380
00:22:05,564 --> 00:22:07,775
You're questioning
my decisions?
381
00:22:07,858 --> 00:22:11,445
Only in the most respectful way you
could possibly imagine. I just...
382
00:22:12,780 --> 00:22:14,323
I thought I was
like your Spock.
383
00:22:14,448 --> 00:22:15,908
My what?
384
00:22:15,992 --> 00:22:20,287
You know, your right hand.
Your girl Friday. Your V.P.
385
00:22:20,913 --> 00:22:23,666
Lorna is pretty
and unthreatening.
386
00:22:23,791 --> 00:22:26,877
I like her lipstick
and she listens.
387
00:22:27,003 --> 00:22:29,505
The last thing you need
is a public forum.
388
00:22:29,588 --> 00:22:31,507
You're already too mouthy
for your own good.
389
00:22:31,632 --> 00:22:32,758
Yeah, but...
390
00:22:32,842 --> 00:22:35,552
Don't confuse being my
daughter with getting a vote.
391
00:22:35,678 --> 00:22:37,638
This isn't a democracy,
sweetheart.
392
00:22:47,188 --> 00:22:49,399
You need something?
393
00:23:06,458 --> 00:23:07,668
Oh, gosh!
394
00:23:07,751 --> 00:23:11,881
This prize sure beats the heck
out of a decoder ring.
395
00:23:11,964 --> 00:23:13,507
What can I say?
396
00:23:14,424 --> 00:23:18,054
The girls are very concerned
about their oral hygiene.
397
00:23:24,560 --> 00:23:26,478
You bringing in
cell phones, too?
398
00:23:26,562 --> 00:23:28,480
Absolutely not.
399
00:23:28,564 --> 00:23:33,152
So you're not taking dirty pictures of
your hairy pussy to send to your husband?
400
00:23:34,195 --> 00:23:36,363
Do the curtains
match the drapes?
401
00:23:37,073 --> 00:23:40,076
You got some purple
wispies down there?
402
00:23:41,410 --> 00:23:44,663
What are you talking about?
403
00:23:48,625 --> 00:23:50,753
Someone smuggled in a phone.
404
00:23:51,420 --> 00:23:54,673
And now it's getting
in the way of my business.
405
00:23:56,633 --> 00:23:58,928
I don't like competition,
sweet cheeks.
406
00:24:07,228 --> 00:24:09,730
Cell block D,
prepare for inspection.
407
00:24:28,707 --> 00:24:30,626
Visiting hours
are now over...
408
00:24:35,631 --> 00:24:40,594
Caputo grilled me about inappropriate
relationships for five hours today.
409
00:24:40,677 --> 00:24:44,014
It wasn't really five hours,
but it felt that way.
410
00:24:44,140 --> 00:24:46,809
You know, this is
inappropriate.
411
00:24:46,934 --> 00:24:48,309
What you and me are doing.
412
00:24:48,435 --> 00:24:49,979
It's gonna be fine, baby.
413
00:24:50,104 --> 00:24:52,022
I think we have different
definitions of fine.
414
00:24:52,148 --> 00:24:56,317
I'm about to lose my job,
and your mom was naked.
415
00:24:56,401 --> 00:24:58,695
Like, really, really
naked. All of it.
416
00:24:58,821 --> 00:25:02,365
I saw her boobs.
417
00:25:02,491 --> 00:25:04,367
But you didn't do
nothing, right?
418
00:25:04,994 --> 00:25:06,036
What?
419
00:25:07,871 --> 00:25:09,123
You didn't fuck her?
420
00:25:09,206 --> 00:25:10,749
Why would I...
421
00:25:10,833 --> 00:25:14,503
I don't want your mom,
Daya. I want you.
422
00:25:37,651 --> 00:25:38,986
No...
Let me.
423
00:25:39,069 --> 00:25:40,570
Please, don't.
424
00:25:41,571 --> 00:25:43,699
I wanna feel all of you.
425
00:26:19,400 --> 00:26:20,527
Oh, come on in, Chapman.
426
00:26:22,487 --> 00:26:23,613
Please close the door.
427
00:26:41,590 --> 00:26:43,717
What? Do you...
428
00:26:43,926 --> 00:26:45,052
Hold up the red one.
429
00:26:52,433 --> 00:26:54,311
Okay, now the blue.
430
00:26:54,937 --> 00:26:56,272
Mail call
in 15 minutes.
431
00:26:57,314 --> 00:26:59,942
Cart will be making
the rounds in 15 minutes.
432
00:27:01,442 --> 00:27:02,443
Mr. Healy...
433
00:27:02,527 --> 00:27:05,697
It's for my wife.
It's our anniversary tomorrow.
434
00:27:05,781 --> 00:27:09,076
I think the blue
is better. Thanks.
435
00:27:11,120 --> 00:27:12,537
Have a seat, Chapman.
436
00:27:17,793 --> 00:27:20,712
Chapman, we understand
each other, don't we?
437
00:27:22,298 --> 00:27:23,673
I think so.
438
00:27:24,007 --> 00:27:25,092
I mean, I agree.
439
00:27:25,175 --> 00:27:27,052
I think the two of us
working together,
440
00:27:27,803 --> 00:27:29,679
we could really turn
some things around.
441
00:27:29,805 --> 00:27:32,224
Or at the very least, make
things a little quieter.
442
00:27:38,521 --> 00:27:39,940
You want me to run for WAC.
443
00:27:40,816 --> 00:27:43,819
We don't get ladies as bright
as yourself in here often.
444
00:27:43,902 --> 00:27:47,488
Thank you, Mr. Healy. I appreciate that.
I really do.
445
00:27:47,572 --> 00:27:51,327
But I'm trying this new thing where
I stay out of the spotlight.
446
00:27:51,452 --> 00:27:53,787
I feel... I think that
it's a better bet for me.
447
00:27:53,870 --> 00:27:58,125
I'm giving you a chance to
make your time count, Chapman.
448
00:27:58,541 --> 00:28:03,380
Thank you. But I need
to politely decline.
449
00:28:03,504 --> 00:28:07,259
Well, I'm disappointed.
450
00:28:07,343 --> 00:28:10,220
It's certainly not like I can
force you to run anyway, right?
451
00:28:13,140 --> 00:28:15,516
We're not Cosmo, Larry.
452
00:28:15,642 --> 00:28:17,936
We don't do pieces on
having better orgasms.
453
00:28:18,020 --> 00:28:22,316
And, truthfully, "edging" sounds like
a recipe for blue balls. It's just...
454
00:28:22,732 --> 00:28:24,026
It is gross.
455
00:28:24,109 --> 00:28:26,611
Look, what if I change
the angle? Maybe...
456
00:28:26,695 --> 00:28:29,656
What's the deal with your wife?
Is she really in prison?
457
00:28:31,367 --> 00:28:33,869
My fiancee. She is.
It sucks.
458
00:28:33,994 --> 00:28:37,706
Look, um, I really think
if I made some changes...
459
00:28:37,831 --> 00:28:39,871
Christ, Bloom. No one wants
to learn how not to come.
460
00:28:39,916 --> 00:28:41,293
Coming is the whole
goddamn point.
461
00:28:41,377 --> 00:28:42,544
Listen, I've got to
get to this meeting.
462
00:28:42,627 --> 00:28:45,839
But this is a good story, okay?
Come on, Tim.
463
00:28:47,049 --> 00:28:50,760
I need this. Just give me something, huh?
An assignment.
464
00:28:51,594 --> 00:28:52,762
You want an
assignment? Fine.
465
00:28:52,888 --> 00:28:54,764
Here's your assignment,
"My wife is in prison."
466
00:28:54,890 --> 00:28:56,016
Fiancee.
467
00:28:56,099 --> 00:28:58,894
She takes naked showers
with bad, busty women,
468
00:28:58,977 --> 00:29:01,480
and I'm home alone thinking
about it, trying not to come.
469
00:29:01,563 --> 00:29:03,565
That's a story for us.
Knock yourself out.
470
00:29:07,528 --> 00:29:10,613
It's too far!
A little to the right.
471
00:29:11,073 --> 00:29:13,409
Ain't we learned our lesson
about hanging crosses, Tucky?
472
00:29:13,534 --> 00:29:16,537
Ain't we learned our lesson
about mouthing off? Get...
473
00:29:16,619 --> 00:29:17,913
Sorry.
474
00:29:19,748 --> 00:29:20,916
You keep this up,
475
00:29:21,041 --> 00:29:23,210
and God's gonna start
questioning your devotion.
476
00:29:23,293 --> 00:29:24,503
He told me.
477
00:29:28,673 --> 00:29:31,843
"Died for your sins."
Who's gonna win?
478
00:29:31,927 --> 00:29:33,429
Tiffany.
479
00:29:35,097 --> 00:29:37,015
Man, those little white
midgets are sad,
480
00:29:37,099 --> 00:29:38,434
but them bitches
know how to win!
481
00:29:38,517 --> 00:29:41,437
Look at you,
all power hungry and shit.
482
00:29:41,520 --> 00:29:43,980
Where are your morals,
Candidate Jefferson?
483
00:29:44,106 --> 00:29:45,357
Well, Mackenzie...
484
00:29:53,615 --> 00:29:55,200
This fucking election.
485
00:29:55,284 --> 00:29:57,244
Like this place needs to be
any more like high school!
486
00:29:57,327 --> 00:29:59,913
My God, I'm drowning
in vowels over here.
487
00:30:06,295 --> 00:30:07,504
This the campaign strategy?
488
00:30:07,629 --> 00:30:10,466
No, it's more like
a life strategy.
489
00:30:10,591 --> 00:30:12,134
Everyone likes to get fed.
490
00:30:12,217 --> 00:30:15,220
Come on. Come on! Come on.
That's gross.
491
00:30:17,013 --> 00:30:19,475
Come on!
It's delicious!
492
00:30:20,934 --> 00:30:22,311
Speaking of high school...
493
00:30:22,394 --> 00:30:24,062
I feel like such an asshole.
494
00:30:24,146 --> 00:30:25,730
Why won't she even look at me?
495
00:30:25,814 --> 00:30:28,900
'Cause you were an asshole.
Everyone has their limits.
496
00:30:29,151 --> 00:30:32,070
Okay, 32, 33...
497
00:30:32,154 --> 00:30:33,530
Whoa.
Thirty-four points!
498
00:30:33,655 --> 00:30:35,324
Bam!
499
00:30:36,241 --> 00:30:39,411
Look, you know her better than
I do, but in my experience,
500
00:30:39,495 --> 00:30:41,163
she can smell bullshit
like a shark smells blood.
501
00:30:41,288 --> 00:30:43,332
Just cut out the needy puppy
act and be straight with her.
502
00:30:43,457 --> 00:30:45,125
Say you're sorry
for being a dick.
503
00:30:45,708 --> 00:30:49,796
What about, like, a snappy kind of slogan?
Something with rhymes in it?
504
00:30:50,631 --> 00:30:53,967
What about, "Vote for Morello because
she's not yellow, she's white"?
505
00:31:03,852 --> 00:31:05,687
Mmm! Oh, that's good.
506
00:31:07,022 --> 00:31:08,023
It's a party!
507
00:31:08,148 --> 00:31:10,984
I feel like I'm playing house.
508
00:31:11,193 --> 00:31:13,862
You wanna
play doctor instead?
509
00:31:13,987 --> 00:31:15,405
This place
is insane.
510
00:31:16,365 --> 00:31:18,074
Cheers.
Cheers.
511
00:31:18,200 --> 00:31:20,202
Great to meet you, Holly.
512
00:31:22,037 --> 00:31:24,039
It's Polly, actually.
513
00:31:24,914 --> 00:31:27,709
Right. Polly Hobbie.
514
00:31:35,551 --> 00:31:39,095
Would you excuse me for a minute?
I have to go play hostess.
515
00:31:42,516 --> 00:31:43,892
She's better in smaller groups.
516
00:31:43,975 --> 00:31:45,352
Think she'll remember
my name then?
517
00:31:45,435 --> 00:31:47,770
Are you being pissy
because I'm seeing a woman?
518
00:31:47,896 --> 00:31:50,190
I'm pissy because
you're seeing an asshole.
519
00:31:50,273 --> 00:31:52,901
I think you're overreacting
a little bit, Molly.
520
00:31:54,027 --> 00:31:55,404
There's a weird energy in here.
521
00:31:55,529 --> 00:31:58,073
Not to mention she's loaded
and she's, what, like, 30?
522
00:31:58,198 --> 00:31:59,324
Trust fund?
523
00:31:59,408 --> 00:32:01,368
No, she imports things.
524
00:32:01,451 --> 00:32:05,414
I can't believe you're giving me shit for this.
You dated your teacher.
525
00:32:05,497 --> 00:32:07,082
Adjunct professor.
526
00:32:07,583 --> 00:32:12,045
I really like her.
527
00:32:12,921 --> 00:32:14,631
Do you like her or her things?
528
00:32:14,715 --> 00:32:16,925
Oh, I get it. You're
feeling threatened.
529
00:32:17,050 --> 00:32:19,636
Oh, Jesus. Fuck off. I'm
just looking out for you.
530
00:32:19,761 --> 00:32:22,472
Well, don't. I'm happy.
531
00:32:22,598 --> 00:32:25,684
Well, then don't expect me to be
there when you're not happy anymore.
532
00:32:25,767 --> 00:32:30,105
Okay, I won't expect that. But you will be.
Because you love me.
533
00:32:30,188 --> 00:32:32,399
Of course I do,
you stupid lesbian.
534
00:32:32,482 --> 00:32:33,900
You spoiled bitch.
535
00:32:35,818 --> 00:32:38,405
I came seven times
last night.
536
00:32:38,488 --> 00:32:40,616
Well, that's just excessive.
537
00:32:45,621 --> 00:32:46,788
Beautiful.
538
00:32:47,205 --> 00:32:48,373
Thank you.
539
00:32:49,458 --> 00:32:50,792
You're doing well.
540
00:32:51,627 --> 00:32:53,002
I am.
541
00:33:00,802 --> 00:33:02,638
We'd like to increase
your output.
542
00:33:02,721 --> 00:33:05,140
I'm always curious about who "we" is.
543
00:33:06,141 --> 00:33:09,311
Is that like when "they" say that
faux fur vests are in this season?
544
00:33:09,394 --> 00:33:10,604
You know what I mean?
545
00:33:10,687 --> 00:33:12,481
No, I don't know what you mean.
546
00:33:16,359 --> 00:33:17,402
How much?
547
00:33:17,486 --> 00:33:19,862
One hundred thousand a month.
548
00:33:19,988 --> 00:33:22,157
Oh, Jesus.
549
00:33:22,282 --> 00:33:25,201
What can I say?
We're back in vogue.
550
00:33:26,495 --> 00:33:28,371
Give the people what they want.
551
00:33:28,913 --> 00:33:32,584
Well, I'm gonna need a few more kids
and more cash upfront for treats.
552
00:33:32,709 --> 00:33:35,671
Whatever you need, as always.
553
00:33:36,296 --> 00:33:38,507
Kubra will be happy to hear.
554
00:33:39,591 --> 00:33:42,302
We value your role
in this organization.
555
00:33:42,678 --> 00:33:45,472
Great. Glad
I'm not expendable.
556
00:33:51,186 --> 00:33:53,313
We'll give you a call in a few
days to arrange the next drop.
557
00:33:53,396 --> 00:33:56,358
Can't wait. Cheers.
558
00:34:06,909 --> 00:34:08,370
That's a hell of a scar.
559
00:34:10,038 --> 00:34:11,498
Pervert.
560
00:34:13,291 --> 00:34:14,459
I like your tits, too.
561
00:34:17,212 --> 00:34:18,421
Baboon heart?
562
00:34:18,547 --> 00:34:20,882
Bacterial infection.
Hmm.
563
00:34:22,050 --> 00:34:23,134
Endocarditis.
564
00:34:23,218 --> 00:34:26,262
What? Drug pusher/
heart surgeon?
565
00:34:26,388 --> 00:34:28,724
Just the former.
566
00:34:28,807 --> 00:34:31,560
It was pretty common
among our top customers.
567
00:34:33,854 --> 00:34:35,063
You miss it?
568
00:34:35,146 --> 00:34:37,816
Holy shit. So much.
569
00:34:37,899 --> 00:34:41,695
More than good coffee, more
than sleeping in the dark,
570
00:34:41,778 --> 00:34:43,071
more than wearing skirts.
571
00:34:43,196 --> 00:34:44,239
You wore skirts?
572
00:34:44,906 --> 00:34:46,616
Yeah. I loved
a good skirt.
573
00:34:49,952 --> 00:34:51,079
You?
574
00:34:51,788 --> 00:34:53,206
I don't miss smack.
575
00:34:54,165 --> 00:34:56,376
I was such a lousy
junkie.
576
00:34:56,459 --> 00:34:58,336
Never fully committed.
577
00:34:59,337 --> 00:35:00,797
But the business...
578
00:35:01,423 --> 00:35:03,258
Man, that I miss.
579
00:35:03,341 --> 00:35:06,094
The adrenaline, the power.
580
00:35:09,389 --> 00:35:12,183
Yeah, I miss cooking it. Which
makes me an idiot, right?
581
00:35:13,226 --> 00:35:15,771
I'd let it bubble, even though
you waste it when you do that.
582
00:35:15,854 --> 00:35:19,065
I just loved the chemistry,
you know? The routine.
583
00:35:19,608 --> 00:35:21,651
I am a sucker for ritual.
584
00:35:22,110 --> 00:35:26,030
Look at us, Nichols. Same
coin, different sides.
585
00:35:26,406 --> 00:35:28,408
Supply and demand,
motherfucker.
586
00:35:53,141 --> 00:35:54,183
Hey, Alex.
587
00:36:04,861 --> 00:36:08,114
An inmate from Litchfield Federal
Prison is attempting to contact you.
588
00:36:08,197 --> 00:36:10,659
To accept the call,
please press one.
589
00:36:12,368 --> 00:36:15,413
Fine. You caught me
on a hormonal upswing.
590
00:36:15,497 --> 00:36:18,500
Plus I need a distraction
'cause I'm in the stirrups.
591
00:36:18,625 --> 00:36:20,126
Am I a good friend or what?
592
00:36:20,209 --> 00:36:23,421
You are. You're the best friend.
You are the best friend.
593
00:36:23,505 --> 00:36:25,507
You're my best friend.
594
00:36:25,632 --> 00:36:26,633
Oh!
595
00:36:27,175 --> 00:36:29,928
I'm so sorry, Pol.
The chicken...
596
00:36:30,011 --> 00:36:33,181
How about we don't talk about
the chicken, like, ever again?
597
00:36:33,264 --> 00:36:37,769
It's so weird in here, Polly. I
wish I could explain it to you.
598
00:36:37,853 --> 00:36:40,563
Well, I have an asshole alien
growing inside me
599
00:36:40,689 --> 00:36:43,733
and I'm waiting for a strange man
to put his hand up my vagina,
600
00:36:43,859 --> 00:36:47,195
which I'm pretty sure
I prefer to my husband's.
601
00:36:47,278 --> 00:36:48,989
We could have a weird-off.
602
00:36:49,071 --> 00:36:51,115
God, I miss you so much.
603
00:36:51,700 --> 00:36:53,201
I miss you, too, Pipe.
604
00:36:54,661 --> 00:36:57,998
So, Barney's.
605
00:36:58,080 --> 00:36:59,624
Nope. You've
forfeited your right
606
00:36:59,708 --> 00:37:01,228
to talk about the
business for a while.
607
00:37:01,250 --> 00:37:02,919
I'll take care of it
from here on out.
608
00:37:03,044 --> 00:37:05,588
You're kidding me? So you're not
gonna tell me what's going on?
609
00:37:05,714 --> 00:37:08,967
This is really important to me, Pol.
We really need the money and...
610
00:37:09,050 --> 00:37:11,803
Babe, I know.
I'll take care of it.
611
00:37:11,887 --> 00:37:16,057
Jesus, you're a felon,
I'm fat and miserable.
612
00:37:16,182 --> 00:37:19,227
Who gives a fuck about soap right now?
It'll all be fine.
613
00:37:20,478 --> 00:37:21,604
Will it?
614
00:37:21,730 --> 00:37:25,608
I have no fucking clue. Seemed
like the right thing to say.
615
00:37:26,401 --> 00:37:28,862
How are things with
you and super-cunt?
616
00:37:28,945 --> 00:37:31,907
Fine. Sort of.
617
00:37:34,868 --> 00:37:39,497
I don't know. I feel like I need
to tell her that I'm sorry.
618
00:37:39,581 --> 00:37:44,085
I feel like I need to tell
everyone that I'm sorry.
619
00:37:44,920 --> 00:37:48,130
Piper Chapman,
The Apology Tour.
620
00:37:48,256 --> 00:37:49,549
You care about her?
621
00:37:49,632 --> 00:37:52,093
I mean, no. I just
think that it would...
622
00:37:52,176 --> 00:37:53,537
Since we're stuck
in here together,
623
00:37:53,595 --> 00:37:55,096
it would be easier
if we were friends.
624
00:37:55,221 --> 00:37:58,058
If super-cunt replaces me as
your best friend, so help me.
625
00:37:58,140 --> 00:37:59,684
Oh, never.
626
00:37:59,768 --> 00:38:02,353
Hey, if your mom's been telling me
to rub cocoa butter on my tutu,
627
00:38:02,437 --> 00:38:03,772
what the fuck does she mean?
628
00:38:03,855 --> 00:38:05,899
Oh, Jesus. Oh...
629
00:38:05,982 --> 00:38:08,276
She used to call it that
when I was little.
630
00:38:08,443 --> 00:38:09,611
A tutu?
631
00:38:09,986 --> 00:38:11,195
You heard that one before?
632
00:38:13,782 --> 00:38:14,950
My gynie loves it.
633
00:38:16,409 --> 00:38:17,953
And I love you.
634
00:38:20,956 --> 00:38:22,331
I love you.
635
00:38:25,835 --> 00:38:27,462
So you're done being mad at me?
636
00:38:27,587 --> 00:38:32,425
Yes. Now I've got to get probed. Have
a nice rest of your day in prison.
637
00:38:32,508 --> 00:38:34,789
Have a nice time getting your tutu probed.
638
00:38:55,991 --> 00:38:58,827
Don't be yellow,
vote for Morello.
639
00:38:58,952 --> 00:39:01,496
My friends,
we may be incarcerated,
640
00:39:01,579 --> 00:39:05,249
but that does not mean we're
not entitled to fair treatment
641
00:39:05,333 --> 00:39:08,878
and access to
comprehensive medical care.
642
00:39:09,004 --> 00:39:10,338
Tuesdays, pizza?
643
00:39:10,463 --> 00:39:13,508
Fuck pizza, we're gonna
have Tuesday tacos.
644
00:39:13,591 --> 00:39:16,761
Tacos, burritos, hot salsa and everything!
This is stupid!
645
00:39:16,845 --> 00:39:19,639
Hi, ladies... I take care of business.
I know what's up, all right?
646
00:39:19,722 --> 00:39:21,122
...most of y'all
know me as Tiffany.
647
00:39:21,141 --> 00:39:24,102
Only a few, Pennsatucky. We're
gonna leave it that way.
648
00:39:24,185 --> 00:39:27,438
I hope each and every one of
you will allow me to lead you,
649
00:39:27,522 --> 00:39:30,859
in addition to letting me do your
weave at a discount!
650
00:39:30,942 --> 00:39:33,028
You all listen to me.
I know what's up, all right?
651
00:39:33,111 --> 00:39:34,712
Come on, let's hear it up
for the Latino!
652
00:39:37,365 --> 00:39:40,618
As lady president, I'll
demand waterbeds for everybody.
653
00:39:40,702 --> 00:39:44,706
We'll be dreamin' like Beyonce on
a yacht every night up in here.
654
00:39:44,789 --> 00:39:47,416
Comprehensive that, bitches!
655
00:39:49,752 --> 00:39:51,212
Yo. You got my shit?
656
00:39:54,174 --> 00:39:55,383
It's comin'.
657
00:39:56,885 --> 00:40:00,096
My cousin paid you for that shit.
Ain't it supposed to come in today?
658
00:40:00,972 --> 00:40:02,306
Listen, powder.
659
00:40:03,016 --> 00:40:05,601
If you speak to me again,
I will fucking crush you.
660
00:40:06,895 --> 00:40:09,772
It's coming. Chill out.
661
00:40:16,571 --> 00:40:18,823
Well, this is a surprise.
662
00:40:18,907 --> 00:40:20,827
Best entertainment you could
hope for around here.
663
00:40:20,909 --> 00:40:22,911
Friday night, we're
gonna have salsa night, okay?
664
00:40:23,036 --> 00:40:24,954
I can't live without
my conga, okay?
665
00:40:25,080 --> 00:40:28,249
As y'all know, I am a
follower of Jesus Christ,
666
00:40:28,332 --> 00:40:29,667
my Lord and my Savior.
667
00:40:31,920 --> 00:40:37,341
And he wants us to spread his word.
With force, if necessary.
668
00:40:37,425 --> 00:40:40,970
You know, I'm surprised the Admin
is actually letting this happen.
669
00:40:41,096 --> 00:40:43,848
Those boys have
awfully short memories.
670
00:40:45,808 --> 00:40:49,104
White girl who won
last time got slocked
671
00:40:49,187 --> 00:40:54,734
when she asked the commissary to stock unsalted
potato chips instead of salt and vinegar.
672
00:40:55,443 --> 00:40:57,153
It's not a job you want.
673
00:40:57,278 --> 00:40:59,781
Furthermuch, why don't
we have Ultra Sheen
674
00:40:59,948 --> 00:41:01,116
in the commissary?
Why?
675
00:41:01,199 --> 00:41:02,575
You ask me,
that shit is racist!
676
00:41:02,658 --> 00:41:04,786
Fucking racist. Why you gotta
hate black folks? Why?
677
00:41:04,869 --> 00:41:07,580
You do have
to admire their effort.
678
00:41:08,414 --> 00:41:11,292
Every damn inmate is here.
679
00:41:15,630 --> 00:41:17,257
I'll see you later.
680
00:41:18,340 --> 00:41:21,970
In closing, let's get some motherfucking
fried chicken up in here once in a while!
681
00:41:22,053 --> 00:41:23,471
Oh, yeah!
Yeah, I said it.
682
00:41:23,554 --> 00:41:24,555
She said it.
I'm black.
683
00:41:24,639 --> 00:41:25,765
She's black.
And she black.
684
00:41:25,848 --> 00:41:27,248
I'm black! And we
like fried chicken.
685
00:41:27,308 --> 00:41:29,393
Well!
That shit is delicious.
686
00:41:29,477 --> 00:41:33,982
Everybody likes it. Chicken for the people.
I rest my case.
687
00:41:36,525 --> 00:41:40,738
Well, I say we should have
a "whites only" bathroom!
688
00:41:42,490 --> 00:41:45,076
This ain't
The fuckin' Help, bitch,
689
00:41:45,160 --> 00:41:46,995
but you will eat my shit.
690
00:42:46,595 --> 00:42:47,596
Oh!
691
00:42:48,890 --> 00:42:53,477
♪ They call me Taystee
'cause my pussy be delicious
692
00:42:53,561 --> 00:42:54,979
♪ Like an apple it's nutritious
693
00:42:55,063 --> 00:42:56,605
♪ Like a Clinton it's ambitious
694
00:42:56,731 --> 00:42:59,734
♪ You wanna mess with all that?
Bitch, please
695
00:42:59,817 --> 00:43:02,570
♪ You's a gnat, you'll go
splat Best be runnin', stat ♪
696
00:43:08,076 --> 00:43:09,160
Yeah? Well. Yo, yo...
697
00:43:09,244 --> 00:43:11,829
♪ My name is Leanne
and I got game
698
00:43:11,913 --> 00:43:14,415
♪ We're here in Litchfield
and it's kind of lame
699
00:43:14,540 --> 00:43:17,377
♪ This rapping thing
don't seem so hard
700
00:43:17,459 --> 00:43:19,628
♪ Ain't like
I'm a fucking retard! ♪
701
00:43:28,054 --> 00:43:30,932
♪ Fucking dumbass cracka
Should just smack ya
702
00:43:31,015 --> 00:43:34,143
♪ Think you own Jesus?
Turns out he was black
703
00:43:34,269 --> 00:43:36,854
♪ The word is ironic
Me? I'm deep like Atlantis
704
00:43:36,938 --> 00:43:39,690
♪ Rhyming some chronic shit
then pray like a mantis
705
00:43:39,774 --> 00:43:42,402
♪ Matter of fact I'm so done
with your white trash ass
706
00:43:42,484 --> 00:43:45,613
♪ Just 'cause you got little
tits don't mean you got class ♪
707
00:43:47,698 --> 00:43:48,699
That's my shit!
708
00:44:01,337 --> 00:44:02,463
Hey.
709
00:44:03,214 --> 00:44:04,924
This is crazy...
Shh...
710
00:44:05,967 --> 00:44:07,802
Go away.
711
00:44:09,637 --> 00:44:10,805
Sorry.
712
00:44:49,010 --> 00:44:51,012
Who wants a piece of Big Boo?
713
00:45:40,811 --> 00:45:43,523
Are we supposed
to lie down, Mr. Healy?
714
00:45:51,739 --> 00:45:53,408
Hey. Hi.
715
00:45:53,491 --> 00:45:54,742
Hey.
716
00:45:54,825 --> 00:45:56,035
How are you?
717
00:45:56,994 --> 00:45:58,079
Good.
718
00:45:58,162 --> 00:46:00,498
I made you this.
719
00:46:09,131 --> 00:46:12,218
Wow. Thanks.
720
00:46:16,514 --> 00:46:19,267
When I was little, I found
this comic book in the trash.
721
00:46:20,309 --> 00:46:23,187
I'd never seen girls
who looked like that.
722
00:46:23,687 --> 00:46:27,316
They were like Disney
princesses, but prettier.
723
00:46:27,649 --> 00:46:30,194
I liked tracing
the drawings a lot.
724
00:46:30,278 --> 00:46:32,113
My friends thought
that they were lame,
725
00:46:33,864 --> 00:46:36,075
but I liked that
they were different.
726
00:46:36,909 --> 00:46:39,954
They weren't like the
Sunday comics, you know?
727
00:46:40,620 --> 00:46:43,124
I guess I'm a freak,
or whatever.
728
00:46:43,207 --> 00:46:45,793
Not that you're a freak
because of your legs.
729
00:46:45,918 --> 00:46:47,295
Leg.
730
00:46:53,384 --> 00:46:56,971
I didn't mean that.
I'm sorry.
731
00:47:02,810 --> 00:47:03,978
Does it hurt?
732
00:47:05,980 --> 00:47:10,526
Not anymore. Just a little
clumsy sometimes.
733
00:47:10,776 --> 00:47:13,321
Me, too. Sometimes.
734
00:47:23,122 --> 00:47:25,202
Thanks for the advice yesterday.
I think she loved it.
735
00:47:33,174 --> 00:47:34,467
You got enough money?
736
00:47:35,009 --> 00:47:37,595
Yes, transfer came
through yesterday.
737
00:47:39,721 --> 00:47:41,890
And Daya, she need anything?
738
00:47:42,016 --> 00:47:43,351
She's fine.
739
00:47:44,477 --> 00:47:46,728
Then why isn't she here
to say hello?
740
00:47:48,814 --> 00:47:51,317
You better not be fighting again.
She needs her mother.
741
00:47:51,775 --> 00:47:54,529
Wait a minute, both of you
are here to visit me?
742
00:47:54,778 --> 00:47:57,281
Sure don't seem like it,
743
00:47:57,365 --> 00:47:58,698
the way you're talking.
744
00:47:59,283 --> 00:48:01,160
Daya. Daya!
745
00:48:01,536 --> 00:48:02,537
Aren't you my woman?
746
00:48:04,372 --> 00:48:07,291
You acting like
a jealous bitch.
747
00:48:08,792 --> 00:48:11,546
Shit's not flattering, is it?
748
00:48:15,757 --> 00:48:16,884
It went well.
749
00:48:16,967 --> 00:48:19,719
Yeah. I mean, it...
You know. It was great.
750
00:48:20,054 --> 00:48:21,597
Wow! He liked it?
751
00:48:21,721 --> 00:48:24,058
You seem surprised.
Edging?
752
00:48:24,141 --> 00:48:26,862
Edging? Babe, it's a really... It's
a very weird thing to write about.
753
00:48:27,228 --> 00:48:28,812
Weird, very weird.
754
00:48:29,647 --> 00:48:33,775
Actually, he, um, wants me
to write another article.
755
00:48:35,695 --> 00:48:36,778
Really?
756
00:48:36,904 --> 00:48:38,864
Yeah, he thought, um...
757
00:48:38,947 --> 00:48:42,159
He thought I should write about you.
About our experience.
758
00:48:44,412 --> 00:48:46,247
Our experience?
759
00:48:50,418 --> 00:48:51,419
Huh!
760
00:48:52,752 --> 00:48:54,880
Has it been difficult
for you in here?
761
00:48:54,963 --> 00:48:57,425
You know, you're not the only
person having a hard time, Piper.
762
00:48:57,592 --> 00:48:59,427
I hate your stern voice.
763
00:49:05,015 --> 00:49:08,269
I'm sorry. I don't mean
to take this out on you.
764
00:49:08,352 --> 00:49:09,978
But I...
765
00:49:10,104 --> 00:49:12,398
Could you just give me
a little bit of time
766
00:49:12,481 --> 00:49:16,402
to figure out how I feel about you writing
an article about me being in here?
767
00:49:16,485 --> 00:49:18,946
Of course.
You need to
768
00:49:19,488 --> 00:49:20,573
process.
769
00:49:20,656 --> 00:49:24,201
I should respect that.
Take some time.
770
00:49:24,285 --> 00:49:28,748
I'm just not sure if I'm ready to be
Piper Chapman, the convict fiancee.
771
00:49:28,830 --> 00:49:33,127
But as soon as you write an
article, it will all be so, um...
772
00:49:35,421 --> 00:49:36,422
Public.
773
00:49:36,505 --> 00:49:37,757
I hear ya.
774
00:49:39,007 --> 00:49:40,217
I hear ya.
775
00:49:43,137 --> 00:49:45,805
So, is everything
going okay with Alex?
776
00:49:46,307 --> 00:49:48,726
Yeah, it's fine. It's good.
We don't talk.
777
00:49:49,977 --> 00:49:51,103
Good.
778
00:49:52,146 --> 00:49:53,397
That's good.
779
00:49:55,483 --> 00:49:57,610
Diablo!
780
00:49:58,944 --> 00:50:00,862
Diablo?
What?
781
00:50:01,405 --> 00:50:03,240
That lady, that crazy lady.
782
00:50:03,324 --> 00:50:05,785
I found her phone
in the bathroom,
783
00:50:05,867 --> 00:50:07,202
and there was
a picture of her...
784
00:50:07,995 --> 00:50:11,290
And Healy had it printed out
on his desk, and the...
785
00:50:11,999 --> 00:50:13,159
Never mind.
It's a long story.
786
00:50:13,167 --> 00:50:15,002
Anyway, everybody thinks
that she's crazy
787
00:50:15,085 --> 00:50:17,171
and that she's talking
to herself in there,
788
00:50:17,254 --> 00:50:18,838
but she's not!
789
00:50:18,964 --> 00:50:21,676
She's talking
on the phone. To Diablo!
790
00:50:21,759 --> 00:50:23,843
She's been sending him
pictures of her tutu.
791
00:50:23,969 --> 00:50:25,220
Whoa!
792
00:50:26,514 --> 00:50:28,683
That's kind of brilliant.
793
00:50:30,518 --> 00:50:32,353
Wait a second.
Mmm-hmm.
794
00:50:35,314 --> 00:50:37,107
If you know where her phone is,
795
00:50:38,693 --> 00:50:40,695
can you send me
pictures of your tutu?
796
00:50:41,111 --> 00:50:42,279
Ew!
797
00:50:43,656 --> 00:50:45,324
All right.
798
00:50:45,865 --> 00:50:50,870
Thirty-one for Maritza,
16 for Sophia Burset,
799
00:50:50,996 --> 00:50:55,167
41 for Taystee,
46 for Lorna Morello,
800
00:50:55,250 --> 00:50:57,795
24 for Tiffany,
801
00:50:57,877 --> 00:51:00,715
19 for "Fuck you."
802
00:51:00,798 --> 00:51:04,552
An impressive 28 for Jesus.
803
00:51:05,636 --> 00:51:09,765
You still can't tell the fish kissers
who's boss, can you, Samantha?
804
00:51:09,889 --> 00:51:12,892
I've asked you repeatedly
not to call me that.
805
00:51:14,061 --> 00:51:16,896
This isn't about
giving them power.
806
00:51:16,980 --> 00:51:22,152
This is about your mother telling you, you
could take a bath before dinner or after.
807
00:51:22,528 --> 00:51:24,904
You were still gonna get wet,
808
00:51:25,030 --> 00:51:27,282
but you thought
you had a choice.
809
00:51:28,242 --> 00:51:31,078
I have no fuckin' idea
what that means,
810
00:51:31,203 --> 00:51:35,583
but I do know you just basically
built a prisoners' union.
811
00:51:38,711 --> 00:51:39,837
Samantha.
812
00:51:56,019 --> 00:51:59,565
Attention. All maple
syrup is now considered contraband
813
00:51:59,648 --> 00:52:01,400
after last week's incident.
814
00:52:02,276 --> 00:52:06,697
The winners of the WAC elections will
be announced shortly. Thank you.
815
00:52:07,740 --> 00:52:10,492
Enjoy dinner!
Hope it's scrumptious!
816
00:52:11,034 --> 00:52:12,494
I'm real nervous.
817
00:52:12,828 --> 00:52:17,541
I thought the whole idea of Red endorsing
you is that you're going to win.
818
00:52:17,708 --> 00:52:20,628
It is. She's just playing coy.
It's a talent of hers.
819
00:52:20,711 --> 00:52:23,338
I made Claudette's
famous coconut cake
820
00:52:23,464 --> 00:52:27,635
in honor of our new
WAC representative.
821
00:52:32,306 --> 00:52:33,973
Should coconut be beige?
822
00:52:36,268 --> 00:52:37,227
Fine.
823
00:52:37,311 --> 00:52:40,105
No cake for you,
little girl, big mouth.
824
00:52:47,655 --> 00:52:49,448
Tough love, I guess, huh?
825
00:52:49,531 --> 00:52:52,159
Jesus. I don't know
how you deal with her.
826
00:52:54,620 --> 00:52:56,664
Norma's gonna
get you some mouthwash.
827
00:52:56,789 --> 00:53:00,250
A clean mouth
makes you feel better.
828
00:53:00,334 --> 00:53:02,336
Here.
829
00:53:09,008 --> 00:53:13,514
You gotta hit rock bottom before
you know which direction to go in.
830
00:53:13,848 --> 00:53:15,265
Welcome to the floor, kid.
831
00:53:16,642 --> 00:53:19,144
It'll be better from now on.
832
00:53:21,271 --> 00:53:23,565
And what I'll do to you
if you use again
833
00:53:23,691 --> 00:53:26,443
will hurt a lot more than this.
834
00:53:26,527 --> 00:53:28,654
Remember what I'm saying.
835
00:53:34,994 --> 00:53:37,454
Ladies,
attention, please.
836
00:53:39,038 --> 00:53:40,708
How's my hair?
837
00:53:43,002 --> 00:53:44,378
You look great, kid.
838
00:53:45,838 --> 00:53:48,883
Don't worry.
You're gonna be great.
839
00:53:50,425 --> 00:53:53,971
Your elected
WAC leaders are...
840
00:53:54,388 --> 00:53:56,055
Ruiz...
841
00:53:58,767 --> 00:54:00,352
Which Ruiz?
842
00:54:00,435 --> 00:54:02,103
Maria Ruiz...
843
00:54:03,438 --> 00:54:04,690
Oh, shit!
What the fuck?
844
00:54:04,940 --> 00:54:06,149
What the fuck?
845
00:54:06,233 --> 00:54:08,569
Jefferson...
846
00:54:08,694 --> 00:54:12,948
Ooh! Taystee is
prison president, bitches!
847
00:54:19,705 --> 00:54:25,210
Chang, who will be representing
both the others and the golden girls,
848
00:54:25,836 --> 00:54:26,879
and...
849
00:54:31,592 --> 00:54:33,052
Chapman.
850
00:54:44,646 --> 00:54:46,356
But you didn't even run!
851
00:54:59,202 --> 00:55:09,668
Sync & corrections by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com
851
00:55:10,305 --> 00:56:10,679
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