1 00:00:04,129 --> 00:00:07,216 2 00:00:08,000 --> 00:00:14,074 3 00:00:16,000 --> 00:00:22,074 Watch Movies, TV Series & Live Sports www.admitme.app 4 00:00:23,106 --> 00:00:27,319 5 00:01:02,813 --> 00:01:04,439 SCHULTZ: Aha! 6 00:01:04,481 --> 00:01:05,482 Schultz! 7 00:01:05,524 --> 00:01:07,442 I-I followed you! LeBeau! Colonel Hogan! 8 00:01:07,484 --> 00:01:09,653 You are not supposed to walk outside the camp. 9 00:01:09,695 --> 00:01:11,405 Even you are not supposed to walk outside the camp. 10 00:01:11,446 --> 00:01:12,489 I wasn't, Schultz. 11 00:01:12,531 --> 00:01:14,825 So what are you doing here? 12 00:01:14,825 --> 00:01:16,076 We're here to meet an escaped prisoner 13 00:01:16,118 --> 00:01:17,160 from Stalag 5. 14 00:01:17,160 --> 00:01:18,370 You want to be in the welcoming committee? 15 00:01:18,412 --> 00:01:21,915 Oh... I knew you were up to something. I knew it! 16 00:01:21,957 --> 00:01:26,336 Oh, you would like to see me sent to the Russian front. 17 00:01:26,336 --> 00:01:27,921 How can you say that, Schultz? 18 00:01:27,963 --> 00:01:29,673 I couldn't get along without ya. 19 00:01:29,715 --> 00:01:31,049 Besides, think of the trouble we'd have 20 00:01:31,091 --> 00:01:32,217 breaking in a new man. 21 00:01:32,259 --> 00:01:33,594 LeBEAU: A German truck! Get down! 22 00:01:33,635 --> 00:01:35,804 Get down! Get down! Get down! 23 00:01:35,846 --> 00:01:37,598 ( vehicle approaching ) 24 00:01:37,639 --> 00:01:39,850 Here, where we were supposed to meet him, 25 00:01:39,892 --> 00:01:41,602 did you tell anyone, Schultz? 26 00:01:41,643 --> 00:01:43,395 LeBeau, would I do such a foolish thing? 27 00:01:45,606 --> 00:01:46,481 ( breaks squeal ) 28 00:01:49,443 --> 00:01:51,361 Look, it's Michaels. Come on, Schultz, 29 00:01:51,403 --> 00:01:53,530 you don't want to be rude to our guest. 30 00:01:53,530 --> 00:01:54,573 Come on. 31 00:01:58,118 --> 00:02:00,245 Michaels, Hogan. 32 00:02:00,287 --> 00:02:01,955 I hope I didn't give you chaps a start. 33 00:02:01,997 --> 00:02:03,957 I stole this in confusion. 34 00:02:03,999 --> 00:02:05,125 Hey, that's a late model. 35 00:02:05,167 --> 00:02:06,210 How much can we get for it 36 00:02:06,210 --> 00:02:07,211 in the black market, Schultz? 37 00:02:07,211 --> 00:02:09,296 I know nothing of such things. 38 00:02:09,338 --> 00:02:10,380 I must say, you chaps 39 00:02:10,380 --> 00:02:12,382 do get yourselves up as convincing Jerries. 40 00:02:12,382 --> 00:02:14,218 Oh, don't worry about that, Schultz, he's not one of us. 41 00:02:14,218 --> 00:02:15,886 Pity. 42 00:02:15,886 --> 00:02:17,971 By the way, Colonel Hogan, I got a rather pleasant surprise 43 00:02:18,013 --> 00:02:19,223 when I looked in the back of the lorry. 44 00:02:19,223 --> 00:02:20,224 Let's go. 45 00:02:24,436 --> 00:02:27,105 The new gunsight; they spot planes by computer. 46 00:02:27,147 --> 00:02:29,066 The chaps at home would be most interested. 47 00:02:29,107 --> 00:02:30,692 I thought we might sneak one into camp, 48 00:02:30,734 --> 00:02:32,528 take it apart and send back 49 00:02:32,569 --> 00:02:34,071 a set of blueprints. 50 00:02:34,071 --> 00:02:36,740 Why not send the entire gunsight back, huh? 51 00:02:36,782 --> 00:02:38,742 That would be smashing. Do you think we could? 52 00:02:38,742 --> 00:02:40,077 Kind of simple. 53 00:02:40,077 --> 00:02:41,537 When we get ready to send you home 54 00:02:41,578 --> 00:02:43,163 we send the gunsight with you. 55 00:02:43,205 --> 00:02:44,665 In the meantime, we got to get you back in camp. 56 00:02:46,208 --> 00:02:49,253 I must say, I find the whole thing hard to believe. 57 00:02:49,253 --> 00:02:50,379 Me, too. 58 00:02:50,420 --> 00:02:52,256 Our gunsight, escaped prisoner, 59 00:02:52,297 --> 00:02:53,799 stolen truck. 60 00:02:53,841 --> 00:02:55,801 What are we supposed to do with the truck? 61 00:02:55,843 --> 00:02:56,760 Schultz, as long as you're here, 62 00:02:56,802 --> 00:02:58,971 would you mind hiding it somewhere? 63 00:03:00,556 --> 00:03:02,099 ( groans ) 64 00:03:15,028 --> 00:03:16,697 So, my dear Colonel, 65 00:03:16,738 --> 00:03:20,701 I can assure you I know everything. 66 00:03:20,742 --> 00:03:24,371 Just by chance, by chance, mind you, 67 00:03:24,413 --> 00:03:26,582 does the name Michaels ring a bell with you? 68 00:03:26,623 --> 00:03:28,041 Michaels? 69 00:03:28,083 --> 00:03:32,379 Michaels. Yes. Yes, it does. 70 00:03:32,421 --> 00:03:34,339 Yes, it does. It does? 71 00:03:34,381 --> 00:03:38,510 Yeah. I knew this English girl, Diane Michaels... a beauty. 72 00:03:38,552 --> 00:03:41,054 Peaches and cream complexion. 73 00:03:41,096 --> 00:03:43,974 That is not the Michaels I had in mind. 74 00:03:44,016 --> 00:03:46,143 This one has a mustache. 75 00:03:46,143 --> 00:03:48,103 Oh, we're talking about two different girls. 76 00:03:48,145 --> 00:03:50,981 For your information, I am speaking 77 00:03:51,023 --> 00:03:53,650 about a Captain Michaels who was recently a prisoner 78 00:03:53,650 --> 00:03:55,152 at Stalag 5. 79 00:03:55,194 --> 00:03:56,820 Recently? 80 00:03:56,820 --> 00:04:00,407 Yes, until those fools let him escape. 81 00:04:00,449 --> 00:04:01,658 Hogan, I tell you there is only one way 82 00:04:01,700 --> 00:04:02,951 to run a camp and that is my way. 83 00:04:02,993 --> 00:04:06,246 Iron hand, discipline, hard work, keep the prisoners busy. 84 00:04:06,288 --> 00:04:08,707 Colonel Klink, 85 00:04:08,749 --> 00:04:11,293 thanks to you, we're kept busy every minute of the day! 86 00:04:11,335 --> 00:04:12,836 Right, Schultz? 87 00:04:12,836 --> 00:04:16,507 Right. I mean, what do I know what the prisoners do? 88 00:04:16,507 --> 00:04:19,384 Schultz, don't you agree that I run an unusual camp? 89 00:04:19,426 --> 00:04:22,679 Oh, a most unusual, Herr Kommandant. 90 00:04:22,721 --> 00:04:23,889 Look, I've got work to do, so... 91 00:04:23,931 --> 00:04:25,015 Hogan, not so fast! 92 00:04:25,015 --> 00:04:26,683 I'm not finished with you yet! 93 00:04:26,725 --> 00:04:28,644 Now this Captain Michaels-- 94 00:04:28,685 --> 00:04:31,271 our last report was that he stole one of our trucks 95 00:04:31,313 --> 00:04:33,023 and was headed toward the coast. 96 00:04:33,023 --> 00:04:35,567 Well, if I see a British officer 97 00:04:35,609 --> 00:04:36,652 in a German truck, 98 00:04:36,693 --> 00:04:37,945 then I'll know who it is, right? 99 00:04:37,986 --> 00:04:39,947 Hogan, I am not playing games. 100 00:04:39,988 --> 00:04:41,573 Now, perhaps you can explain 101 00:04:41,615 --> 00:04:43,408 something to me. 102 00:04:43,450 --> 00:04:45,869 According to this report, this Captain Michaels 103 00:04:45,911 --> 00:04:48,914 suddenly vanished, army truck and all. 104 00:04:48,956 --> 00:04:52,668 That is strange... a truck disappearing. 105 00:04:52,709 --> 00:04:55,045 Now, I don't believe it! 106 00:04:55,087 --> 00:04:58,715 Perhaps those fools at Stalag 5 believe it. 107 00:04:58,715 --> 00:05:01,844 But I am convinced that this Michaels 108 00:05:01,885 --> 00:05:05,430 is somewhere in this very vicinity. 109 00:05:05,472 --> 00:05:07,140 You know, sir, you may be right. 110 00:05:07,182 --> 00:05:09,184 I'm sure of it. 111 00:05:09,226 --> 00:05:11,144 Now, the first thing to do is to find the truck. 112 00:05:11,186 --> 00:05:13,689 Schultz, since I am short of men, 113 00:05:13,730 --> 00:05:15,732 I am forced to put you in charge 114 00:05:15,774 --> 00:05:17,860 of finding that truck. 115 00:05:19,319 --> 00:05:21,196 Hello, Papa Bear, this is Goldilocks. 116 00:05:21,238 --> 00:05:22,823 How are you today? 117 00:05:22,865 --> 00:05:25,325 ( over radio ): A bit sticky here. Nasty rain and all that. 118 00:05:25,367 --> 00:05:26,952 I hope you chaps are bearing up? 119 00:05:27,160 --> 00:05:28,579 The weather is okay. 120 00:05:28,620 --> 00:05:30,497 We're having a little trouble with our strawberries though. 121 00:05:30,539 --> 00:05:32,291 That is a rough go. By the way, 122 00:05:32,332 --> 00:05:35,544 that self-computing item you wired me about. 123 00:05:35,586 --> 00:05:37,004 Headquarters wants it at once. Is that possible? 124 00:05:37,045 --> 00:05:38,630 Can do. 125 00:05:38,672 --> 00:05:39,673 Thanks, awfully. 126 00:05:39,715 --> 00:05:41,466 We'd like to have the commando, too, of course. 127 00:05:41,508 --> 00:05:42,634 HOGAN: Of course. 128 00:05:42,676 --> 00:05:44,720 Sub can pick up commando 129 00:05:44,761 --> 00:05:46,763 same time picks up item. 130 00:05:46,763 --> 00:05:48,891 I'm afraid that's going to be a bit of a problem. 131 00:05:48,932 --> 00:05:50,767 The sub. It's gone bad. 132 00:05:50,809 --> 00:05:52,811 Can't cut the cake just now. 133 00:05:52,853 --> 00:05:55,272 How did you figure to pick up item? 134 00:05:55,272 --> 00:05:57,774 We rather hoped you chaps would have an idea. 135 00:05:57,774 --> 00:06:00,402 American know-how and ingenuity. That sort of thing. 136 00:06:00,444 --> 00:06:02,905 Why not? Will do. Over, Papa Bear. 137 00:06:05,991 --> 00:06:07,951 If you don't mind my asking, Colonel Hogan, 138 00:06:07,993 --> 00:06:09,786 what exactly did you have in mind? 139 00:06:09,786 --> 00:06:12,789 Yes, old chap, what are you going to use for a sub? 140 00:06:12,831 --> 00:06:14,082 Yeah. How are you going to get Michaels 141 00:06:14,124 --> 00:06:15,209 across all that open sea, huh? 142 00:06:15,250 --> 00:06:16,793 Did you expect him to walk across? 143 00:06:16,793 --> 00:06:18,921 You going to put the gunsight in his pocket? 144 00:06:18,962 --> 00:06:20,464 How are you going to get him through the woods 145 00:06:20,464 --> 00:06:21,465 with all the Krauts outside? 146 00:06:21,465 --> 00:06:22,966 And what about the Krauts inside? 147 00:06:23,008 --> 00:06:25,802 If there's one thing I can't stand 148 00:06:25,844 --> 00:06:28,555 is men with small, petty minds. 149 00:06:38,357 --> 00:06:39,650 Is the great man in? 150 00:06:39,691 --> 00:06:42,110 Yes, and he's personally supervising the search 151 00:06:42,152 --> 00:06:43,570 for you know who. 152 00:06:43,612 --> 00:06:45,531 That's a break for our side. Will you tell him I'm here? 153 00:06:50,202 --> 00:06:51,161 Ya, ya, ya? 154 00:06:51,203 --> 00:06:53,247 Herr Kommandant, Colonel Hogan is here. 155 00:06:53,288 --> 00:06:55,207 Oh. Doesn't he realize how busy I am? 156 00:06:55,249 --> 00:06:57,626 All right, send him in. 157 00:06:57,668 --> 00:07:00,128 The latest roster, sir. Thank you. 158 00:07:00,170 --> 00:07:02,172 Oh, please, let me help you, sir. 159 00:07:02,214 --> 00:07:03,173 Hey, hey. What are you doing? 160 00:07:03,215 --> 00:07:04,675 Please, sit down, you look pale and drawn. 161 00:07:04,716 --> 00:07:06,510 I've seen it before. 162 00:07:06,552 --> 00:07:07,803 Seen it? Seen what? What, what, what? 163 00:07:07,845 --> 00:07:09,137 Please, please. 164 00:07:09,179 --> 00:07:10,889 Very gallant of you to try to deny it, sir. 165 00:07:10,931 --> 00:07:12,224 You see it, don't you Fraulein Helga? 166 00:07:12,432 --> 00:07:13,642 Oh, yes, I do, I do. 167 00:07:13,684 --> 00:07:14,810 W-What are you talking-- Thank you. 168 00:07:14,852 --> 00:07:16,353 Please, please, please. 169 00:07:16,353 --> 00:07:17,855 Thank you. 170 00:07:17,896 --> 00:07:19,314 I may be wrong, sir. 171 00:07:19,356 --> 00:07:22,025 It may not be my place, but I've got to tell you, 172 00:07:22,067 --> 00:07:24,319 you look tired, very tired. 173 00:07:24,361 --> 00:07:25,612 Right, Fraulein Helga? 174 00:07:25,654 --> 00:07:27,239 Oh, yes, the colonel is right, Herr Kommandant. 175 00:07:27,281 --> 00:07:29,324 Oh... ( crying ) 176 00:07:36,415 --> 00:07:38,542 Yes, yes, it has been wearing. 177 00:07:38,584 --> 00:07:40,210 This Michaels fellow, 178 00:07:40,210 --> 00:07:42,629 I have been personally supervising the search. 179 00:07:42,671 --> 00:07:44,756 Relentless, driving as I am. 180 00:07:44,798 --> 00:07:46,258 Driving, that's how it starts. 181 00:07:46,300 --> 00:07:47,301 What starts? 182 00:07:47,342 --> 00:07:50,012 It's always the symptoms. Yes, indeed. 183 00:07:50,053 --> 00:07:52,431 You're pushing yourself beyond all endurance. 184 00:07:52,472 --> 00:07:53,390 And then, complete collapse. 185 00:07:53,390 --> 00:07:55,934 ( groans ) 186 00:07:55,976 --> 00:07:57,477 Excuse me for saying it, sir, 187 00:07:57,519 --> 00:07:59,771 but I've seen combat fatigue before. 188 00:07:59,813 --> 00:08:01,273 Combat fatigue? Uh-huh. 189 00:08:01,315 --> 00:08:03,108 You owe it to yourself to relax, you know that? 190 00:08:03,150 --> 00:08:05,194 Relax? Relax? Mm-hmm. 191 00:08:05,235 --> 00:08:08,906 I'm on the go 24 hours a day running a model prisoner camp. 192 00:08:08,906 --> 00:08:11,200 How can I relax?! 193 00:08:11,241 --> 00:08:12,326 Forgive me for saying it, sir, 194 00:08:12,367 --> 00:08:14,077 but it's beginning to tell. 195 00:08:14,077 --> 00:08:15,913 Oh, dear. Oh, dear. As the old saying goes... 196 00:08:15,913 --> 00:08:19,708 when a bough doesn't bend... it breaks. 197 00:08:19,750 --> 00:08:22,252 What do you suggest? 198 00:08:22,252 --> 00:08:24,755 Perhaps-- perhaps now-- 199 00:08:24,755 --> 00:08:27,090 if you could get away and relax, 200 00:08:27,090 --> 00:08:28,300 like, uh... 201 00:08:28,342 --> 00:08:31,053 an officer's club like they have at Stalag 5. 202 00:08:31,094 --> 00:08:32,596 Carter told me all about it, sir. 203 00:08:32,638 --> 00:08:34,598 They have an officer's club at Stalag 5? 204 00:08:34,598 --> 00:08:35,933 Uh-huh. 205 00:08:35,933 --> 00:08:37,851 An officer's club at St... 206 00:08:37,893 --> 00:08:40,229 Well, maybe you're right. 207 00:08:40,270 --> 00:08:46,777 Yes. A sturdy oak like me should bend once in a while. 208 00:08:46,818 --> 00:08:48,570 You owe it to the war effort, sir. 209 00:08:48,612 --> 00:08:52,616 Yes. My own officer's club. I can see it now. 210 00:08:52,658 --> 00:08:55,786 It must be something original. 211 00:08:55,827 --> 00:09:00,582 Wine cellar... beer mugs, cuckoo clocks. 212 00:09:00,624 --> 00:09:02,626 Brilliant! 213 00:09:02,668 --> 00:09:04,378 But you've got to have something more unique. 214 00:09:04,419 --> 00:09:07,339 Something that no one else in the German army has. 215 00:09:07,381 --> 00:09:08,674 Yes, yes, yes. 216 00:09:08,715 --> 00:09:10,926 It must be something worthy of me. 217 00:09:10,968 --> 00:09:12,344 Right. 218 00:09:12,386 --> 00:09:14,054 Men under your command, I know would be honored 219 00:09:14,096 --> 00:09:14,805 to build it for you. 220 00:09:15,138 --> 00:09:16,390 Of course. 221 00:09:16,431 --> 00:09:20,894 Of course, we have the man when it comes to design, decor. 222 00:09:20,936 --> 00:09:22,729 LeBeau. 223 00:09:22,771 --> 00:09:25,941 You know how the French are with their style, flair-- 224 00:09:25,983 --> 00:09:27,526 mostly decadent of course. 225 00:09:27,568 --> 00:09:29,152 Of course, we know very well how to use 226 00:09:29,152 --> 00:09:31,905 such corrupt means for our own good. 227 00:09:31,947 --> 00:09:35,033 To do the job right, LeBeau has got to be put in command. 228 00:09:37,786 --> 00:09:42,624 A Frenchman giving orders to Germans? 229 00:09:42,666 --> 00:09:45,502 Oh, that's unthinkable. 230 00:09:45,544 --> 00:09:46,587 That's the joke. 231 00:09:46,628 --> 00:09:47,588 Joke? 232 00:09:47,629 --> 00:09:49,089 Don't you see it? 233 00:09:49,131 --> 00:09:51,133 You see, LeBeau thinks he's in charge, 234 00:09:51,175 --> 00:09:53,844 but he's really taking the orders from you. 235 00:09:53,886 --> 00:09:55,345 ( laughing ) 236 00:09:55,345 --> 00:09:58,640 All right, mein Herren, get the lead out! 237 00:10:00,934 --> 00:10:02,644 Come on, come on. Faster, faster. 238 00:10:02,686 --> 00:10:04,062 Bring it up. 239 00:10:04,104 --> 00:10:05,480 Come on, hammer a little faster, huh? 240 00:10:08,275 --> 00:10:11,195 Lankershieb, put some muscle into it! 241 00:10:11,236 --> 00:10:13,363 You're not slicing liverwurst. 242 00:10:13,405 --> 00:10:16,033 Kristman, you're going the wrong way! 243 00:10:16,033 --> 00:10:19,953 Starboard. Starboard. Not port! 244 00:10:19,995 --> 00:10:23,040 What's going on here? Starboard, port? 245 00:10:23,040 --> 00:10:25,167 I thought we were building an officer's club? 246 00:10:25,209 --> 00:10:28,128 Mr. Kristman, be quiet! 247 00:10:28,170 --> 00:10:31,215 Or I'll see you hang from the highest yardarm. 248 00:10:31,215 --> 00:10:32,841 Starboard! 249 00:10:37,596 --> 00:10:39,056 LeBeau, this thing is really shaping up. 250 00:10:40,807 --> 00:10:41,808 You know, your row boating 251 00:10:41,850 --> 00:10:43,310 on the river Seine is finally paying off. 252 00:10:43,352 --> 00:10:45,521 Yes, Colonel. 253 00:10:45,562 --> 00:10:48,023 Come on, you guys! Stop falling over your own feet! 254 00:10:48,065 --> 00:10:51,568 The master race-- tomorrow the world. Ha! 255 00:10:51,610 --> 00:10:52,903 Hi, Schultz. 256 00:10:52,903 --> 00:10:54,071 May I ask you something? 257 00:10:54,071 --> 00:10:58,825 Why are we building a boat? What are you up to? 258 00:10:58,867 --> 00:11:00,077 You really want to know, Schultz? 259 00:11:00,077 --> 00:11:01,537 Well... 260 00:11:01,578 --> 00:11:06,625 Please, don't tell me. How about Captain Michaels? 261 00:11:06,667 --> 00:11:09,253 How are you going to get him out of the camp? 262 00:11:09,253 --> 00:11:12,965 Please, don't tell me. Why am I asking? 263 00:11:13,006 --> 00:11:17,010 Oh, Schultz... where is your sense of loyalty? 264 00:11:17,052 --> 00:11:18,637 Helping the enemy! 265 00:11:18,679 --> 00:11:23,600 Schultz! Schultz! What is happening to you? 266 00:11:23,642 --> 00:11:24,893 Aw, come on, Schultz. 267 00:11:24,935 --> 00:11:26,436 If you're going to psychoanalyze yourself 268 00:11:26,436 --> 00:11:27,771 go find a couch. 269 00:11:27,771 --> 00:11:29,648 We're busy here. 270 00:11:29,690 --> 00:11:31,733 How about the Kommandant? 271 00:11:31,775 --> 00:11:34,736 He gave me his word he wouldn't peek. 272 00:11:34,778 --> 00:11:36,238 He wants it to be a surprise. 273 00:11:36,280 --> 00:11:38,156 Oh, boy, is he going to be surprised. 274 00:11:52,796 --> 00:11:55,257 Colonel Hogan! 275 00:11:55,299 --> 00:11:56,758 Oh, Klink, you gave me your word! 276 00:11:56,800 --> 00:11:58,552 I don't know what you two are up to, 277 00:11:58,594 --> 00:11:59,928 but I intend to find out. 278 00:11:59,970 --> 00:12:01,638 I'm surprised, sir, you don't get the point. 279 00:12:01,680 --> 00:12:02,764 What point? 280 00:12:02,806 --> 00:12:04,224 I ordered an officer's club 281 00:12:04,266 --> 00:12:05,893 and a ship comes out... 282 00:12:05,934 --> 00:12:10,147 in the middle of a prison camp 60 miles from the North Sea. 283 00:12:10,147 --> 00:12:13,775 That's just the point. We wanted to show the real you. 284 00:12:13,817 --> 00:12:16,904 On the one hand, your good breeding, exclusiveness. 285 00:12:16,945 --> 00:12:19,615 What could be more exclusive than a yacht club? 286 00:12:19,656 --> 00:12:22,951 I do admit a yacht club would be worthy of me. 287 00:12:22,993 --> 00:12:27,331 Maybe someday, Colonel Klink, you can sail to Tahiti. 288 00:12:27,372 --> 00:12:29,291 When it will be German owned, of course. 289 00:12:29,333 --> 00:12:32,085 In the meantime, you have your own private yacht club. 290 00:12:32,127 --> 00:12:35,422 Yep, I can see you there entertaining... 291 00:12:35,464 --> 00:12:36,632 the skipper. 292 00:12:36,673 --> 00:12:38,342 Captain's cap, blazer... 293 00:12:38,342 --> 00:12:39,635 Helga, your hostess. 294 00:12:39,676 --> 00:12:41,929 Soft nights, tropical breezes. 295 00:12:41,970 --> 00:12:43,347 Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. 296 00:12:43,388 --> 00:12:44,848 But in the meantime, you have your own 297 00:12:44,848 --> 00:12:46,517 little bit of Tahiti right here. 298 00:12:46,517 --> 00:12:48,227 Tahiti when there's snow? 299 00:12:48,268 --> 00:12:49,937 You could always wear gloves. 300 00:12:49,978 --> 00:12:51,188 Yes. Yes. 301 00:12:53,690 --> 00:12:54,900 Colonel, 302 00:12:54,942 --> 00:12:57,361 I just got a radio message from headquarters. 303 00:12:57,402 --> 00:12:59,780 They say the weather reports look bad for next week. 304 00:12:59,821 --> 00:13:01,406 The boat will have to leave tomorrow night. 305 00:13:01,448 --> 00:13:03,659 Tomorrow night? How can it be done? 306 00:13:03,700 --> 00:13:05,160 We could always set fire to Klink's office 307 00:13:05,202 --> 00:13:06,662 and try to get him out the north gate. Hey, hey... 308 00:13:08,539 --> 00:13:09,832 Gentlemen, I have just 309 00:13:09,873 --> 00:13:11,416 had a great inspiration. 310 00:13:11,458 --> 00:13:13,877 I am going to give a party on my own yacht club. 311 00:13:13,877 --> 00:13:15,587 A party, Colonel? When? 312 00:13:15,629 --> 00:13:16,922 Why wait? Tomorrow night. 313 00:13:16,964 --> 00:13:19,466 Colonel Hogan, since you were the first to give me the idea, 314 00:13:19,508 --> 00:13:21,844 I wanted you to be the first to know. 315 00:13:24,805 --> 00:13:25,889 Got anymore good ideas? 316 00:13:38,902 --> 00:13:43,365 And, uh... what do you think of it, Fraulein Helga? 317 00:13:43,407 --> 00:13:45,784 I am speechless, Herr Kommandant. 318 00:13:45,909 --> 00:13:48,203 I can understand that. 319 00:13:48,245 --> 00:13:51,373 I am a man of many sides. 320 00:13:51,415 --> 00:13:54,084 You didn't know that, behind that stern soldier, 321 00:13:54,084 --> 00:13:56,837 there is a... a world traveler, 322 00:13:56,879 --> 00:13:59,256 a dreamer... 323 00:13:59,256 --> 00:14:01,258 a lover! 324 00:14:01,300 --> 00:14:02,843 You are a dreamer. 325 00:14:02,885 --> 00:14:05,304 That's my secret. 326 00:14:05,345 --> 00:14:06,805 And now it is yours, too. 327 00:14:06,847 --> 00:14:10,142 Oh, Fraulein Helga, you are my Lorelei. 328 00:14:10,184 --> 00:14:13,854 Soft nights, tropical breezes... 329 00:14:13,896 --> 00:14:15,522 ( clears throat ) 330 00:14:15,564 --> 00:14:22,154 * Ich weiss nicht was soll es bedeuten... * 331 00:14:22,404 --> 00:14:24,031 Oh, I'm sorry. 332 00:14:24,072 --> 00:14:25,574 What do you want, Colonel Hogan? 333 00:14:25,616 --> 00:14:26,950 It can wait. It's not important. 334 00:14:26,950 --> 00:14:27,868 It's about the party tonight. 335 00:14:28,035 --> 00:14:29,286 Oh, come in, come in. 336 00:14:32,956 --> 00:14:35,250 You know, we Germans never do anything halfway. 337 00:14:35,292 --> 00:14:37,252 This party tonight is as important to me 338 00:14:37,294 --> 00:14:38,420 as going into battle. 339 00:14:38,462 --> 00:14:39,838 Uh... sit down. 340 00:14:39,880 --> 00:14:42,216 You know, you really don't understand us. 341 00:14:42,257 --> 00:14:44,134 That's why you're losing the war. 342 00:14:44,134 --> 00:14:45,636 I'm sorry, sir. 343 00:14:45,677 --> 00:14:47,888 It's the easy living that's ruined us Americans. 344 00:14:47,930 --> 00:14:49,348 Uh... we need your approval. 345 00:14:49,389 --> 00:14:50,891 Approval for what? 346 00:14:50,933 --> 00:14:52,100 Approval to load the boat 347 00:14:52,142 --> 00:14:53,769 with the caviar and the champagne 348 00:14:53,810 --> 00:14:55,229 and the hors d'oeuvres. 349 00:14:55,270 --> 00:14:56,688 Permission granted. 350 00:14:56,730 --> 00:14:58,106 Remember, as prisoners of war, 351 00:14:58,148 --> 00:14:59,483 you're not required to do this 352 00:14:59,483 --> 00:15:01,068 according to the Geneva Convention. 353 00:15:01,109 --> 00:15:02,402 That's all right, sir. 354 00:15:02,444 --> 00:15:04,613 We're... we're... we're happy to do our bit. 355 00:15:04,655 --> 00:15:06,907 And, besides, LeBeau's experienced at this. 356 00:15:06,949 --> 00:15:08,992 Comes from a long line of headwaiters. 357 00:15:08,992 --> 00:15:10,828 You know, Hogan, 358 00:15:10,869 --> 00:15:14,081 it's times like these when it's hard for me 359 00:15:14,122 --> 00:15:16,208 to think of you as the enemy. 360 00:15:16,250 --> 00:15:20,170 If it weren't for my strict rules on fraternization, 361 00:15:20,212 --> 00:15:23,757 I, uh... would invite you to the party tonight. 362 00:15:23,799 --> 00:15:25,425 Well, thank you, sir. I understand. 363 00:15:25,467 --> 00:15:27,678 And, besides, what would the other guests think? 364 00:15:27,719 --> 00:15:29,680 Like Burkhalter. 365 00:15:29,721 --> 00:15:31,181 Burkhalter? 366 00:15:31,223 --> 00:15:33,016 Yeah. Your commandant in Berlin. 367 00:15:33,016 --> 00:15:35,477 Who invited him? 368 00:15:35,519 --> 00:15:38,564 You didn't invite General Burkhalter? 369 00:15:38,605 --> 00:15:41,316 Oh, I'm... I'm... I'm sorry, sir. 370 00:15:41,358 --> 00:15:42,860 Just a moment. Just a moment. 371 00:15:42,860 --> 00:15:44,278 Is there something wrong? 372 00:15:44,319 --> 00:15:45,779 Well, I mean, in our army... 373 00:15:45,821 --> 00:15:47,531 I mean, it would be an affront. 374 00:15:47,573 --> 00:15:50,033 You know, military courtesy, esprit de corps. 375 00:15:50,075 --> 00:15:51,285 Guess that's not important 376 00:15:51,326 --> 00:15:52,703 when you're winning the war. 377 00:15:52,703 --> 00:15:55,289 Oh, it is important! 378 00:15:55,330 --> 00:15:56,707 It is important! 379 00:15:57,875 --> 00:16:00,169 Fraulein Helga? 380 00:16:00,210 --> 00:16:01,712 Get him Berlin. 381 00:16:09,678 --> 00:16:11,805 One case of, uh... champagne. 382 00:16:11,847 --> 00:16:13,140 Check. 383 00:16:13,182 --> 00:16:14,474 Champagne? 384 00:16:14,516 --> 00:16:16,977 It's a going-away present for Michaels. 385 00:16:17,019 --> 00:16:18,812 Keep him warm during the trip. 386 00:16:18,854 --> 00:16:21,148 ( breathing heavily ) 387 00:16:21,190 --> 00:16:23,650 How big a party is this going to be? 388 00:16:23,692 --> 00:16:24,818 One gunsight. 389 00:16:24,860 --> 00:16:26,361 One gunsight. Check. 390 00:16:26,403 --> 00:16:28,363 Handle that extra-carefully, will you, Schultz? 391 00:16:28,405 --> 00:16:31,533 Oh, tell me, why am I doing this? 392 00:16:31,575 --> 00:16:33,368 Thank you, gentlemen. 393 00:16:33,410 --> 00:16:35,412 One case of horse doveres. 394 00:16:35,454 --> 00:16:36,914 No, no, no. Hors d'oeuvres, Schultz. 395 00:16:36,955 --> 00:16:37,998 Hors d'oeuvres. 396 00:16:38,040 --> 00:16:41,293 Hors d'oeuvres, hors d'oeuvres... 397 00:16:41,335 --> 00:16:44,046 Schnell, schnell, schnell, schnell! 398 00:16:44,087 --> 00:16:44,713 Caviar. 399 00:16:44,755 --> 00:16:45,797 Check. 400 00:16:47,341 --> 00:16:48,675 How goes the battle, men? 401 00:16:48,717 --> 00:16:50,677 You better get going. You know what to say. 402 00:16:50,719 --> 00:16:52,846 Yes, sir. What's that guy's name again? 403 00:16:52,888 --> 00:16:54,848 Burkhalter. Burk-halter. 404 00:16:54,890 --> 00:16:56,266 Burkhalter. 405 00:16:56,308 --> 00:16:58,810 Burkherlter. Burkhalter. 406 00:16:58,852 --> 00:17:01,313 Yes, sir. General Burkhalter. 407 00:17:01,355 --> 00:17:05,817 Well, anyway, one afternoon he came to inspect Stalag 5. 408 00:17:05,859 --> 00:17:07,402 Well, when he took one look 409 00:17:07,444 --> 00:17:09,363 at the fancy officers' club there, 410 00:17:09,404 --> 00:17:11,949 he really blew his stack at the commandant-- 411 00:17:11,949 --> 00:17:15,619 Vogel-- and he... he said things like, uh... 412 00:17:15,619 --> 00:17:18,705 "How can you do this when our boys are having 413 00:17:18,747 --> 00:17:21,458 such a rough time on the Russian front?" 414 00:17:21,500 --> 00:17:23,585 Not to mention the Italian front. 415 00:17:25,504 --> 00:17:29,967 And my club is fancier than Vogel's, huh? 416 00:17:29,967 --> 00:17:32,177 Yes, sir. It sure is. 417 00:17:32,219 --> 00:17:33,762 Anyway... 418 00:17:33,804 --> 00:17:36,723 General Buck... Burkhalter told Vogel 419 00:17:36,765 --> 00:17:39,434 if he didn't get rid of his club, 420 00:17:39,476 --> 00:17:43,564 he'd see him off on the train to Stalingrad personally. 421 00:17:45,232 --> 00:17:48,777 Carter, why didn't you tell Hogan about this?! 422 00:17:48,819 --> 00:17:50,153 He didn't ask me. 423 00:18:13,844 --> 00:18:15,179 KLINK: Get out of my way! 424 00:18:15,179 --> 00:18:16,680 Get out of my way! 425 00:18:16,680 --> 00:18:18,182 You two, get out of my way! 426 00:18:18,182 --> 00:18:19,516 Right on the nose. 427 00:18:19,516 --> 00:18:21,768 Oh, Colonel Klink. Just admiring your club. 428 00:18:21,810 --> 00:18:23,562 Oh, when you Germans build things, 429 00:18:23,604 --> 00:18:25,314 you really know how to build 'em. 430 00:18:25,355 --> 00:18:27,107 Hogan... Such attention to detail, 431 00:18:27,149 --> 00:18:28,650 perfect construction... yes, sir! 432 00:18:28,692 --> 00:18:29,985 I want this... this... 433 00:18:30,027 --> 00:18:31,486 this ship thing destroyed at once! 434 00:18:31,528 --> 00:18:33,155 Destroyed? 435 00:18:33,197 --> 00:18:34,656 What about the party? 436 00:18:34,698 --> 00:18:36,658 What... what about General Burkhalter? 437 00:18:36,700 --> 00:18:38,160 Ask that fool Carter. 438 00:18:38,202 --> 00:18:40,078 Now, I want this ship demolished immediately 439 00:18:40,120 --> 00:18:41,705 before General Burkhalter gets here! 440 00:18:41,705 --> 00:18:43,081 That's not going to be easy. 441 00:18:43,123 --> 00:18:44,791 I mean, listen to this. Like rock. 442 00:18:44,833 --> 00:18:47,544 I mean, this thing was built to last a hundred years. 443 00:18:47,544 --> 00:18:48,962 We don't have that much time. 444 00:18:49,004 --> 00:18:50,380 We could burn it. 445 00:18:50,380 --> 00:18:51,882 Fire makes flames, no? 446 00:18:51,924 --> 00:18:54,426 If General Burkhalter sees the fire, 447 00:18:54,468 --> 00:18:56,136 he'll ask questions, no? 448 00:18:56,178 --> 00:18:57,721 Flames make ashes, no? 449 00:18:57,721 --> 00:18:59,681 Yes, sir. Flames make ashes. 450 00:18:59,723 --> 00:19:01,266 Marvelous. What clear thinking. 451 00:19:01,308 --> 00:19:04,102 Well, I'm sure you'll come up with some way to get rid of it. 452 00:19:04,144 --> 00:19:05,812 I have. Since my men built it, 453 00:19:05,854 --> 00:19:07,439 it is up to you and your men 454 00:19:07,481 --> 00:19:08,899 to get rid of it at once. 455 00:19:08,899 --> 00:19:10,067 Now, that is an order. 456 00:19:10,108 --> 00:19:11,401 Get rid of it at once! 457 00:19:11,401 --> 00:19:12,611 Yes, sir. 458 00:19:12,653 --> 00:19:14,154 Get rid of it at once! 459 00:19:14,196 --> 00:19:15,572 Get rid of it at once! 460 00:19:17,324 --> 00:19:19,660 This trailer hitch should do the job. 461 00:19:19,701 --> 00:19:21,161 All right, we're almost home. 462 00:19:21,203 --> 00:19:23,330 Sorry to jolt your reveries, Colonel Hogan. 463 00:19:23,372 --> 00:19:25,332 How do you hope to get Michaels aboard? 464 00:19:25,374 --> 00:19:28,001 And, just out of idle curiosity, 465 00:19:28,043 --> 00:19:31,380 how do we hope to get this vessel to port? 466 00:19:31,421 --> 00:19:33,757 Newkirk, have I ever told you 467 00:19:33,799 --> 00:19:36,426 you make great officer material? 468 00:19:36,426 --> 00:19:38,762 Never mind the insults, Colonel Hogan. 469 00:19:38,762 --> 00:19:40,806 Just answer the question, please. 470 00:19:40,848 --> 00:19:43,225 Is this thing still here?! 471 00:19:43,267 --> 00:19:46,144 General Burkhalter's only an hour away. 472 00:19:46,228 --> 00:19:48,188 And what is this iron thing supposed...? 473 00:19:48,230 --> 00:19:49,273 Oh! 474 00:19:49,273 --> 00:19:50,524 It's part of our plan. 475 00:19:50,566 --> 00:19:51,692 Make it easier to move. 476 00:19:51,733 --> 00:19:53,360 We're going to hide it in the woods. 477 00:19:53,402 --> 00:19:54,778 That is your plan, huh? 478 00:19:54,778 --> 00:19:56,405 For someone to find it? 479 00:19:56,446 --> 00:19:58,448 Why didn't we think of that? 480 00:20:04,872 --> 00:20:06,165 I have a solution. 481 00:20:06,206 --> 00:20:08,167 It is so obvious, 482 00:20:08,208 --> 00:20:10,043 I'm surprised you didn't think of it. 483 00:20:10,085 --> 00:20:13,005 Now, listen, you have a club that's a boat, 484 00:20:13,046 --> 00:20:14,631 and it is on a trailer. 485 00:20:14,673 --> 00:20:15,841 Right. Right. Right. 486 00:20:15,883 --> 00:20:17,342 Now, I ask you, 487 00:20:17,384 --> 00:20:19,636 what is the most logical thing to do? 488 00:20:21,972 --> 00:20:24,975 Move the whole thing to the water! 489 00:20:24,975 --> 00:20:27,978 The German army could use more men like you, sir. 490 00:20:27,978 --> 00:20:31,190 Thank you. Now, the boat could be moored 491 00:20:31,231 --> 00:20:33,775 until final victory is achieved. 492 00:20:33,817 --> 00:20:37,321 Hogan, are you sure this boat is seaworthy? 493 00:20:37,321 --> 00:20:39,323 It had better be. 494 00:20:39,364 --> 00:20:41,116 Good. One more thing, Hogan. 495 00:20:41,158 --> 00:20:44,828 It must be out of here before General Burkhalter gets here. 496 00:20:44,870 --> 00:20:46,914 Remember, this means a lot to me. 497 00:20:46,955 --> 00:20:48,373 It means a lot to us, too. 498 00:20:48,415 --> 00:20:49,791 Sergeant, halt! 499 00:20:52,419 --> 00:20:54,421 Just in case, Hogan, 500 00:20:54,463 --> 00:20:56,256 I'm assigning this squad 501 00:20:56,298 --> 00:20:59,218 to see that you get the job done. 502 00:21:00,469 --> 00:21:04,181 Sergeant, this thing... out! 503 00:21:04,223 --> 00:21:06,058 Jawohl, Herr Kommandant! 504 00:21:08,685 --> 00:21:12,397 SERGEANT: I give you five minutes! Raus! 505 00:21:12,439 --> 00:21:15,442 Uh... Sergeant, would you be so kind 506 00:21:15,484 --> 00:21:18,987 as to get that life raft put aboard, huh? 507 00:21:19,029 --> 00:21:21,865 And keep it end up. He's very... it's very valuable. 508 00:21:21,907 --> 00:21:23,116 Schnell! 509 00:21:23,158 --> 00:21:24,576 Schnell! 510 00:21:28,205 --> 00:21:30,624 Um... maybe the entire squad. 511 00:21:30,666 --> 00:21:31,917 It's kind of heavy. 512 00:21:31,959 --> 00:21:33,377 Schnell! Schnell! 513 00:21:36,296 --> 00:21:39,007 HOGAN: All right, easy does it! Easy does it! 514 00:21:40,509 --> 00:21:43,053 That's it. That's it. 515 00:21:43,095 --> 00:21:45,389 Would you fellas like to say good-bye 516 00:21:45,389 --> 00:21:46,890 to Captain Michaels? 517 00:21:46,890 --> 00:21:48,725 How did you get him inside there? 518 00:21:48,725 --> 00:21:50,978 It wasn't easy, but there's a war on. 519 00:21:51,019 --> 00:21:54,439 HOGAN: All right, easy does it. Easy does it. 520 00:21:54,481 --> 00:21:55,899 Let's get this thing hitched up, 521 00:21:55,941 --> 00:21:57,359 and get this boat on the road. 522 00:21:57,401 --> 00:21:58,360 Right. Right. 523 00:22:01,071 --> 00:22:03,365 General Burkhalter will be here in a few minutes. 524 00:22:03,407 --> 00:22:04,741 I just received word. I... 525 00:22:04,783 --> 00:22:07,119 What is this!? 526 00:22:07,161 --> 00:22:09,830 Getting rid of it, sir, as ordered. 527 00:22:09,872 --> 00:22:12,166 You? What do you take me for, Hogan, a fool? 528 00:22:12,207 --> 00:22:14,126 Let you drive away and not come back? 529 00:22:14,168 --> 00:22:15,627 Perhaps sail away. 530 00:22:15,669 --> 00:22:17,379 I am ashamed of you, Hogan. 531 00:22:17,421 --> 00:22:22,885 Ruin my perfect record of no one escaping from Stalag 13? Never! 532 00:22:22,926 --> 00:22:25,220 Colonel Klink, what are you saying? 533 00:22:25,262 --> 00:22:28,807 Sergeant Kristman, take this, this... 534 00:22:28,849 --> 00:22:30,934 to the water. 535 00:22:43,822 --> 00:22:45,407 Good-bye! 536 00:22:45,449 --> 00:22:46,867 Newkirk, get back! 537 00:22:46,909 --> 00:22:48,577 Bon voyage! 538 00:23:10,224 --> 00:23:11,767 Thank you, Kommandant. 539 00:23:11,808 --> 00:23:15,270 Thank you for making me come all the way from Berlin 540 00:23:15,312 --> 00:23:17,564 for a dinner of stale sauerbraten. 541 00:23:17,606 --> 00:23:21,568 As you can see, Herr General, we have the same shortages here 542 00:23:21,610 --> 00:23:24,988 as all the officers lucky enough to be at the front. 543 00:23:25,030 --> 00:23:26,532 Another such dinner, Klink, 544 00:23:26,573 --> 00:23:28,867 and I'll see what I can do to make you so lucky. 545 00:23:31,453 --> 00:23:34,665 ( car engine starting ) 546 00:23:47,678 --> 00:23:49,429 Colonel Hogan, what are you doing 547 00:23:49,471 --> 00:23:50,764 driving a German truck? 548 00:23:50,806 --> 00:23:52,558 Not a German truck, sir. 549 00:23:52,599 --> 00:23:54,309 The German truck. 550 00:23:54,351 --> 00:23:55,811 And I'm giving it to you. 551 00:23:55,853 --> 00:23:58,021 You are giving me a German truck? 552 00:23:58,021 --> 00:23:59,565 What is the meaning of this? 553 00:23:59,606 --> 00:24:01,650 The truck that Michaels stole. 554 00:24:01,692 --> 00:24:03,652 And what are you doing with it? 555 00:24:03,694 --> 00:24:05,237 I'm returning it to you. 556 00:24:05,279 --> 00:24:07,197 My men stumbled on it while on garbage detail. 557 00:24:07,239 --> 00:24:09,199 And I was thinking of showing it to Burkhalter 558 00:24:09,199 --> 00:24:10,409 as he went out, but I figured 559 00:24:10,450 --> 00:24:11,994 you'd rather call him direct to Berlin 560 00:24:12,035 --> 00:24:12,953 and invite him down-- 561 00:24:12,995 --> 00:24:14,371 make a big deal out of it, huh? 562 00:24:14,371 --> 00:24:15,831 Not so fast. Wait a minute. 563 00:24:15,873 --> 00:24:17,541 Invite him from Berlin? What for? 564 00:24:17,541 --> 00:24:20,043 These headquarters fellows, they are soft. 565 00:24:20,085 --> 00:24:22,629 They don't know how to take combat conditions. 566 00:24:22,671 --> 00:24:24,214 I have a better idea. Schultz! 567 00:24:24,214 --> 00:24:25,549 SCHULTZ: Jawohl, Herr Kommandant! 568 00:24:25,591 --> 00:24:27,509 Order the dogs to the special detail. 569 00:24:27,551 --> 00:24:31,054 My military intuition and this truck tell me 570 00:24:31,054 --> 00:24:33,557 that our friend Captain Michaels 571 00:24:33,557 --> 00:24:36,602 is floating around out there somewhere 572 00:24:36,643 --> 00:24:39,021 waiting for me to capture him. 573 00:24:39,062 --> 00:24:40,480 Right, Hogan? 574 00:24:40,522 --> 00:24:42,316 Wouldn't surprise me a bit, sir. 575 00:24:43,567 --> 00:24:46,069 ( laughing ) 576 00:24:47,305 --> 00:24:53,500 "(End of Episode)" 577 00:24:54,305 --> 00:25:54,253 Watch Movies, TV Series & Live Sports www.admitme.app