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CBS presents this program
in color.
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contact www.OpenSubtitles.org today
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( theme song playing )
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*
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*
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All right, Carter,
what did you see?
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A panzer division--
16 Tiger tanks
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and the supply trucks
right behind them.
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And then the goon
took the glasses away.
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Newkirk?
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Well, LeBeau saw that and
another column as well.
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Oh, easily a mile long.
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Troop carriers,
support artillery
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and a medical unit.
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They went flying
down the road past
that beer garden.
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Hilda's Hofbrau.
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Kinch?
I tapped Klink's
phone line
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and took the conversation down
verbatim.
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That's why
he's a staff sergeant.
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Oh, shucks, Colonel.
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Newkirk, give me a hand
with this, huh?
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( imitates Klink ):
Hello.
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Colonel Klink speaking.
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( German accent ):
Hello.
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00:02:22,392 --> 00:02:25,103
This is Captain Milheiser,
Adolf Hitler Division.
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Heil Hitler.
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Heil Hitler.
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Sounds vaguely familiar.
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Colonel, I will be coming
to see you today
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on a matter
of the greatest importance.
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Let me assure you,
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any officer of the
Adolf Hitler Division
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is always welcome
at Stalag 13.
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00:02:40,118 --> 00:02:41,745
Ah, very good.
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Adolf Hitler Division, huh?
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They made a lot of
trouble in France.
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HOGAN:
What are they
doing in this area,
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00:02:47,000 --> 00:02:48,418
obviously at full strength?
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Kinch, put that information into
code and get it off to London.
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Ask for further instructions.
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Right.
HOGAN:
The rest of you circulate,
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see what you can find
out from the goons.
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Right, sir.
Colonel?
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00:02:57,928 --> 00:03:00,055
One more thing
about that phone call.
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As soon as Klink heard the words
"Adolf Hitler Division,"
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he got scared.
I could hear it in his voice.
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That's our commandant.
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If they ever promote him,
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00:03:07,980 --> 00:03:09,815
it'll be to
Coward First Class.
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00:03:20,450 --> 00:03:21,952
SCHULTZ:
500 wooden spoons.
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00:03:21,994 --> 00:03:23,370
Correct.
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700 kilos potatoes.
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00:03:25,122 --> 00:03:26,623
Check.
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00:03:26,748 --> 00:03:28,834
100 kilos black pepper.
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Check.
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00:03:30,085 --> 00:03:31,920
Why so much black pepper?
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00:03:31,962 --> 00:03:33,338
It helps with the potatoes.
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300 kilos salt.
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Just a minute.
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00:03:38,510 --> 00:03:41,889
The next item should be
5,000 wooden plates.
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00:03:41,930 --> 00:03:43,265
Now, where is it?
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00:03:43,307 --> 00:03:46,143
Herr Kommandant,
I-I thought I had it here.
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You thought you had it?
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What did you use to think with?
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00:03:48,896 --> 00:03:50,063
Certainly not your head.
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Find it.
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Jawohl, Herr Kommandant.
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00:03:53,233 --> 00:03:54,526
This inefficiency.
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00:03:54,610 --> 00:03:56,820
Sometimes I wonder
how we can win the war.
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00:03:56,820 --> 00:03:57,654
So, do I.
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00:03:57,696 --> 00:03:58,405
Oh, shut up.
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Find it.
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00:03:59,948 --> 00:04:01,325
Jawohl, Herr Kommandant.
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00:04:04,369 --> 00:04:05,662
Excuse me, Herr Colonel.
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KLINK:
Yes, yes, yes,
what is it?
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00:04:06,997 --> 00:04:08,999
There are two officers here
to see you, sir.
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00:04:08,999 --> 00:04:11,168
Who are these people?
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00:04:11,210 --> 00:04:13,337
Is Stalag 13
a tourist attraction
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00:04:13,337 --> 00:04:16,006
for every officer
who passes through town?
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00:04:16,048 --> 00:04:18,175
Soon we'll be serving tea.
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00:04:18,217 --> 00:04:20,177
They're from
the Adolf Hitler Division.
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00:04:20,219 --> 00:04:24,139
Well, don't just stand there--
make some tea.
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Heil Hitler.
Heil Hitler.
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Heil Hitler.
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00:04:30,062 --> 00:04:31,230
Welcome to Stalag 13.
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00:04:31,271 --> 00:04:32,856
Gentlemen,
please be seated.
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00:04:32,898 --> 00:04:35,692
Oh, what a pleasure
it is to meet you.
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00:04:35,734 --> 00:04:37,194
Schultz, out!
Dismissed!
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00:04:37,236 --> 00:04:38,695
Jawohl,
Herr Kommandant.
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00:04:38,737 --> 00:04:39,863
Please, please.
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00:04:39,863 --> 00:04:41,698
We have no desire
to interrupt your routine.
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Please, carry on.
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00:04:42,866 --> 00:04:44,868
Yes, Schultz,
please carry on.
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00:04:44,910 --> 00:04:47,204
Jawohl, Herr Kommandant.
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00:04:47,246 --> 00:04:50,165
Colonel, Leutnant Doenitz
and myself
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00:04:50,207 --> 00:04:52,709
are chairmen
of an organization
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00:04:52,709 --> 00:04:55,295
called
"Beautify Berchtesgaden."
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00:04:55,337 --> 00:04:58,715
"Beautify Berchtesgaden"?
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00:04:58,715 --> 00:05:01,426
What a lovely idea.
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00:05:01,468 --> 00:05:04,179
I am so glad you approve.
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00:05:04,221 --> 00:05:06,390
We have been taking donations
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00:05:06,390 --> 00:05:09,518
from all the officers
of all the services,
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00:05:09,560 --> 00:05:11,353
Leutnant rank and above.
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00:05:11,395 --> 00:05:14,731
Our objective is
one million marks.
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00:05:14,773 --> 00:05:18,026
Well, that doesn't seem too much
for a worthy cause.
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00:05:18,068 --> 00:05:20,571
Oh, then we may
count on you for help?
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00:05:20,612 --> 00:05:21,822
Of course.
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00:05:21,864 --> 00:05:23,448
There is an artillery regiment
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five miles from here,
by the coast.
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00:05:25,367 --> 00:05:27,035
I know the commander very well.
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00:05:27,077 --> 00:05:28,495
He's a good friend of mine.
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00:05:28,537 --> 00:05:30,080
I will just make a call...
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00:05:30,122 --> 00:05:32,875
Yes, he, uh,
he gave us 3,000 marks.
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00:05:32,916 --> 00:05:35,377
And your name.
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00:05:35,419 --> 00:05:38,046
Yes, he's a very good friend.
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Now, gentlemen,
I realize you would like me
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to donate to this cause,
but unfortunately...
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MILHEISER:
Wait, Colonel, please?
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Doenitz?
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00:05:46,889 --> 00:05:50,517
Now, here we have
our white list.
121
00:05:50,559 --> 00:05:54,062
And here we have
the black list.
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Those on the white list
have given.
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00:05:57,274 --> 00:06:00,611
Those on the black list
have not.
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Both lists will be presented
to the fuhrer.
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00:06:04,823 --> 00:06:07,951
The white list is filled.
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00:06:07,993 --> 00:06:13,165
The black list is blank...
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00:06:13,207 --> 00:06:15,000
until now.
128
00:06:15,042 --> 00:06:18,921
We are just
a poor little POW camp.
129
00:06:18,962 --> 00:06:20,631
Oh, come now, Colonel.
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00:06:20,631 --> 00:06:23,467
There is not little, uh--
how you say?--
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hanky-panky going on
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with the prisoners'
ration money?
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00:06:26,845 --> 00:06:28,096
Captain, I swear to you,
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I have never taken
a single pfennig from...
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00:06:30,224 --> 00:06:31,183
Oh, well.
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00:06:31,225 --> 00:06:33,519
There had to be a first.
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00:06:33,560 --> 00:06:34,853
( grunts )
138
00:06:34,895 --> 00:06:36,647
( speaks German )
139
00:06:36,688 --> 00:06:39,149
Now, "Klink," no?
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00:06:39,191 --> 00:06:40,359
Yes, sir.
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00:06:40,400 --> 00:06:41,860
Corporal Wil...
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00:06:41,902 --> 00:06:44,571
I mean Colonel Wilhelm Klink.
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00:06:44,613 --> 00:06:46,031
Lo and behold,
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00:06:46,073 --> 00:06:49,826
Wilhelm Klink's name
led all the rest.
145
00:06:49,868 --> 00:06:52,496
Gentlemen, please,
don't jump to conclusions.
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00:06:52,538 --> 00:06:54,248
SCHULTZ:
Here you are,
you little devils.
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00:06:54,289 --> 00:06:56,667
Wooden plates, 5,000.
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00:06:56,667 --> 00:06:58,252
Belie-- 5,000?
149
00:06:58,293 --> 00:06:59,545
5,000?
150
00:06:59,586 --> 00:07:01,171
Thank you very much,
Colonel.
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00:07:01,171 --> 00:07:02,548
There has been some mistake.
152
00:07:02,589 --> 00:07:04,675
You'd like to
give 10,000?
153
00:07:04,675 --> 00:07:05,801
( chuckles nervously )
154
00:07:05,843 --> 00:07:08,428
It's a mistake if you thought
I wouldn't want to give
155
00:07:08,470 --> 00:07:09,721
to Beautify Berchtesgaden.
156
00:07:09,763 --> 00:07:11,849
Your pledge must be redeemed
by the first of the month.
157
00:07:11,849 --> 00:07:12,724
Heil Hitler.
Heil Hitler.
158
00:07:13,016 --> 00:07:14,309
Heil Hitler.
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00:07:18,355 --> 00:07:21,358
5,000 marks.
160
00:07:21,358 --> 00:07:23,360
I'm sorry, Herr Kommandant.
161
00:07:23,360 --> 00:07:25,737
"Sorry," he says.
162
00:07:25,779 --> 00:07:27,990
You dunderhead.
163
00:07:28,031 --> 00:07:31,535
You big mouth, you
big mouth dunderhead.
164
00:07:31,535 --> 00:07:34,371
Herr Kommandant,
I-I just read the requisitions.
165
00:07:34,371 --> 00:07:36,206
5,000 marks.
166
00:07:36,206 --> 00:07:38,375
Herr Kommandant,
it is against the law
167
00:07:38,417 --> 00:07:40,836
for an officer to strike
an enlisted man.
168
00:07:40,878 --> 00:07:45,132
Strike you... no.
169
00:07:45,174 --> 00:07:49,052
Shoot you, yes.
170
00:07:49,052 --> 00:07:52,639
"Information on the Hitler
Division extremely valuable.
171
00:07:52,681 --> 00:07:53,891
Job well done."
172
00:07:53,891 --> 00:07:55,017
Hey, that's marvelous.
173
00:07:55,058 --> 00:07:56,393
Wow.
Isn't that great?
174
00:07:56,393 --> 00:07:57,728
( all talking at once )
175
00:07:57,728 --> 00:07:59,229
If you fellas are finished
taking bows
176
00:07:59,229 --> 00:08:00,397
I'd like to go on.
177
00:08:00,397 --> 00:08:02,900
"More intelligence details
on the Hitler Division
178
00:08:02,941 --> 00:08:04,568
"vitally important.
179
00:08:04,568 --> 00:08:05,944
"Why in your area?
180
00:08:05,986 --> 00:08:08,572
"Are they staging
for active duty?
181
00:08:08,572 --> 00:08:09,615
"Which front?
182
00:08:09,656 --> 00:08:11,825
Send answers soonest,
top priority."
183
00:08:11,867 --> 00:08:13,702
CARTER:
Those guys are kidding.
184
00:08:13,744 --> 00:08:15,162
How are we going
to get that stuff?
185
00:08:15,204 --> 00:08:16,496
Yeah,
it won't be easy.
186
00:08:16,538 --> 00:08:18,749
Blimey, sometimes I think
they forget we're prisoners.
187
00:08:18,749 --> 00:08:20,459
I don't have any trouble
remembering.
188
00:08:20,501 --> 00:08:23,795
What about that beer
joint near the crossroads?
189
00:08:23,837 --> 00:08:25,547
Hilda's Hofbrau?
190
00:08:25,589 --> 00:08:27,007
Yeah, if one of us
could get in there,
191
00:08:27,049 --> 00:08:28,258
we might pick up
a few answers.
192
00:08:28,300 --> 00:08:29,676
Who'd be crazy enough
193
00:08:29,718 --> 00:08:31,261
to go into a place
filled with Krauts?
194
00:08:31,303 --> 00:08:32,804
Me. Tonight.
195
00:08:32,846 --> 00:08:34,139
After roll call.
196
00:08:34,181 --> 00:08:35,807
I'll go out through
the emergency exit,
197
00:08:35,849 --> 00:08:37,601
in uniform, of course.
198
00:08:37,643 --> 00:08:39,186
Newkirk,
what have you got in stock?
199
00:08:39,228 --> 00:08:41,021
Oh, if you'll
step this way.
200
00:08:41,063 --> 00:08:43,232
Here we are, sir.
201
00:08:43,273 --> 00:08:46,026
Gestapo, SS...
202
00:09:02,125 --> 00:09:03,126
Guten Abend,
Herr Major.
203
00:09:03,460 --> 00:09:04,795
Welcome.
204
00:09:04,837 --> 00:09:06,213
Fraulein.
205
00:09:06,255 --> 00:09:08,131
( with accent ):
The war seems
to be going well.
206
00:09:08,131 --> 00:09:10,175
Boys and girls,
you know.
207
00:09:10,217 --> 00:09:12,761
HOGAN:
Yes, the boys
seem to be winning.
208
00:09:14,012 --> 00:09:16,098
There are no tables left
at the moment,
209
00:09:16,139 --> 00:09:18,141
unless you don't
mind sharing.
210
00:09:18,183 --> 00:09:20,644
With you?
211
00:09:23,730 --> 00:09:25,440
Gentlemen, would you mind
sharing your table
212
00:09:25,482 --> 00:09:26,733
with this officer?
213
00:09:26,775 --> 00:09:27,860
Not at all.
Danke.
214
00:09:27,901 --> 00:09:29,152
Beer, please.
215
00:09:29,194 --> 00:09:30,988
For the gentlemen, too.
Thank you.
216
00:09:30,988 --> 00:09:32,322
Right away, Major.
217
00:09:32,364 --> 00:09:34,491
I'm Milheiser, and this
is Leutnant Doenitz.
218
00:09:34,533 --> 00:09:35,826
HOGAN:
Gentlemen.
219
00:09:35,868 --> 00:09:37,202
Major Hoople.
220
00:09:37,244 --> 00:09:38,579
Heil Hitler.
221
00:09:38,620 --> 00:09:39,830
Heil Hitler.
Heil Hitler.
222
00:09:39,872 --> 00:09:42,666
Luftwaffe in this part
of the country, Major?
223
00:09:42,666 --> 00:09:45,502
Yes, Luft Stalag 13
down the road.
224
00:09:45,544 --> 00:09:47,754
Oh, you are assigned
to the POW camp?
225
00:09:47,796 --> 00:09:49,173
In a way, yes.
226
00:09:49,214 --> 00:09:50,591
Temporary duty.
227
00:09:50,632 --> 00:09:51,717
Coincidence.
228
00:09:51,758 --> 00:09:54,178
We met your colonel today.
229
00:09:54,219 --> 00:09:56,096
Kommandant Klink?
230
00:09:56,138 --> 00:09:58,515
Yes, old blood and guts.
231
00:09:58,557 --> 00:10:00,350
( both laughing )
232
00:10:00,392 --> 00:10:03,520
That Klink
is a real tower of jelly.
233
00:10:03,520 --> 00:10:05,689
Gentlemen,
if you think you've got
234
00:10:05,689 --> 00:10:08,150
a true picture
of my commanding officer...
235
00:10:08,192 --> 00:10:09,526
Yes?
236
00:10:09,526 --> 00:10:11,069
...you do.
237
00:10:11,111 --> 00:10:12,279
( both laughing )
238
00:10:12,321 --> 00:10:13,530
Oh.
Ah.
239
00:10:13,530 --> 00:10:14,698
Danke, danke.
240
00:10:14,698 --> 00:10:15,657
Danke, Hilda.
241
00:10:15,699 --> 00:10:16,867
To Hilda.
Ah.
242
00:10:16,867 --> 00:10:18,410
Frau Hilda.
243
00:10:19,745 --> 00:10:21,038
Mmm.
Eh.
244
00:10:21,038 --> 00:10:22,206
Mmm.
245
00:10:22,247 --> 00:10:24,541
Oh,
this beer is terrible.
246
00:10:24,541 --> 00:10:26,210
It tastes good to me.
247
00:10:26,251 --> 00:10:29,713
My last combat assignment,
there was no beer at all.
248
00:10:29,755 --> 00:10:30,881
Really?
249
00:10:30,923 --> 00:10:32,424
No, no, that wasn't
the worst of it.
250
00:10:32,466 --> 00:10:34,718
The real problem was the cold.
251
00:10:34,760 --> 00:10:36,303
You'd wake up in the morning,
252
00:10:36,345 --> 00:10:39,264
you'd have to defrost your
toothpaste with a blowtorch.
253
00:10:39,306 --> 00:10:42,935
Conditions are that bad
on the eastern front?
254
00:10:42,976 --> 00:10:45,604
I didn't say anything
about the eastern front.
255
00:10:45,646 --> 00:10:47,731
Perhaps not by name, but...
256
00:10:47,773 --> 00:10:49,233
Is that where you're going?
257
00:10:49,274 --> 00:10:53,153
Let us just say that
we are not moving west.
258
00:10:53,195 --> 00:10:55,405
Then my deepest sympathy.
259
00:10:55,447 --> 00:10:57,908
Major, could you tell us
something that might be helpful?
260
00:10:57,950 --> 00:10:59,409
Doenitz,
that is enough.
261
00:10:59,409 --> 00:11:01,411
There is such a
thing as security.
262
00:11:01,453 --> 00:11:02,454
The captain is right.
263
00:11:02,496 --> 00:11:03,831
Forget it.
264
00:11:03,872 --> 00:11:06,792
Anyway, let's drink
to a soldier's best friend.
265
00:11:06,834 --> 00:11:08,043
The Fuhrer.
The Fuhrer.
266
00:11:08,085 --> 00:11:09,211
Fuhrer?
267
00:11:09,253 --> 00:11:12,214
I'm talking about
long winter underwear.
268
00:11:13,382 --> 00:11:15,509
Uh, Major, tell
me something?
269
00:11:15,551 --> 00:11:17,302
Have you ever heard
270
00:11:17,344 --> 00:11:20,430
of the Beautify
Berchtesgaden Fund?
271
00:11:20,430 --> 00:11:22,266
No, I've been away.
272
00:11:22,266 --> 00:11:25,519
We are raising some money
as a gift to the fuhrer.
273
00:11:25,561 --> 00:11:27,896
Oh, say no more.
274
00:11:27,938 --> 00:11:33,235
Gentlemen, how about, um...
say 500 marks?
275
00:11:33,277 --> 00:11:35,070
Well, very generous.
276
00:11:35,112 --> 00:11:37,114
Indeed it is.
277
00:11:37,155 --> 00:11:41,451
Wherever did you get
such nice, brand-new bills?
278
00:11:41,451 --> 00:11:44,037
I have a couple of men
who make them up for me.
279
00:11:44,079 --> 00:11:46,790
Ah... ( laughs )
280
00:11:46,832 --> 00:11:48,458
( all laughing )
281
00:11:50,460 --> 00:11:53,213
HOGAN:
Of course,
a fellow could do worse.
282
00:11:53,255 --> 00:11:55,299
You're very attractive.
283
00:11:55,299 --> 00:11:58,343
You have a nice business
going here.
284
00:11:58,385 --> 00:12:00,095
Not after tomorrow.
285
00:12:00,137 --> 00:12:01,471
I'm giving it up.
286
00:12:01,471 --> 00:12:02,973
What?
287
00:12:03,015 --> 00:12:05,017
You can't do that.
288
00:12:05,058 --> 00:12:07,519
We need more information.
289
00:12:07,561 --> 00:12:08,812
Information?
290
00:12:08,854 --> 00:12:10,147
About you.
291
00:12:10,189 --> 00:12:14,359
I mean, after all,
we've just met.
292
00:12:14,401 --> 00:12:16,028
I can't manage alone,
293
00:12:16,069 --> 00:12:19,990
and help is impossible
to get because of the war.
294
00:12:20,032 --> 00:12:21,825
Is that all?
295
00:12:21,867 --> 00:12:24,244
Oh, I can fix that.
296
00:12:26,872 --> 00:12:29,166
You mean you could
get me a waiter?
297
00:12:29,208 --> 00:12:31,335
Oh, that's no problem.
298
00:12:31,376 --> 00:12:34,546
I will get you
a work detail of prisoners
299
00:12:34,588 --> 00:12:36,715
from Luft Stalag 13.
300
00:12:36,757 --> 00:12:39,843
Oh, that would
be marvelous.
301
00:12:42,054 --> 00:12:44,890
Then I could keep
the place open.
302
00:12:44,932 --> 00:12:47,559
That's the most
important thing.
303
00:12:47,601 --> 00:12:50,062
It sure is.
304
00:12:50,103 --> 00:12:56,735
Oh, Major, how can I ever
express my appreciation?
305
00:13:05,369 --> 00:13:06,870
Take this down,
Kinch, and code it:
306
00:13:06,870 --> 00:13:10,499
Stalag 13 to
Headquarters London.
307
00:13:10,541 --> 00:13:13,710
Strong evidence
Adolf Hitler Division
308
00:13:13,710 --> 00:13:15,671
moving to the
Russian Front.
309
00:13:15,712 --> 00:13:19,049
Will try to obtain
absolute confirmation
310
00:13:19,049 --> 00:13:21,885
and further details.
311
00:13:21,885 --> 00:13:23,554
Sign that Hogan, got it?
312
00:13:23,554 --> 00:13:24,638
Right.
Good.
313
00:13:28,892 --> 00:13:31,061
I've got a lovely
old big mouth Kraut
314
00:13:31,061 --> 00:13:32,896
at one of my
tables, Colonel.
315
00:13:32,896 --> 00:13:35,649
He's telling his
girlfriend all
about some new guns.
316
00:13:35,691 --> 00:13:38,026
Good. Stay with it.
Right, sir.
317
00:13:38,068 --> 00:13:41,238
Wiener schnitzel
with an egg on it.
318
00:13:41,238 --> 00:13:44,408
Ordering: two
liverwurst sandwiches
319
00:13:44,408 --> 00:13:46,243
on pumpernickel
with plenty of onion.
320
00:13:46,243 --> 00:13:50,080
Liverwurst? Onion?
Barbarians.
321
00:13:50,080 --> 00:13:52,708
If I get an order
for chicken à la
bonne femme,
322
00:13:52,749 --> 00:13:55,377
you'll be the
first to know.
323
00:13:55,419 --> 00:13:57,254
LeBeau, I need a
double schnapps
324
00:13:57,254 --> 00:13:58,755
and a lettuce and
tomato sandwich.
325
00:13:58,755 --> 00:14:00,382
Lettuce and tomatoes
and whiskey?
326
00:14:00,424 --> 00:14:01,842
Now, what kind of an order
is that?
327
00:14:01,884 --> 00:14:03,594
It's for
a drunken vegetarian.
328
00:14:03,635 --> 00:14:05,179
Germans.
329
00:14:05,220 --> 00:14:06,847
Colonel, there's a
corporal over there
330
00:14:06,889 --> 00:14:08,307
with a snow cape
in his pack--
331
00:14:08,348 --> 00:14:10,601
the kind we use in the
ski troops, you know?
332
00:14:10,851 --> 00:14:12,186
That settles it.
333
00:14:12,227 --> 00:14:14,688
They're not going to spend
the winter in Miami.
334
00:14:18,483 --> 00:14:20,485
Sacre bleu! Schultz.
335
00:14:20,527 --> 00:14:21,570
Whoops.
336
00:14:25,157 --> 00:14:26,700
Colonel, what
shall we do?
337
00:14:26,742 --> 00:14:29,036
If I knew,
would I be sitting here?
338
00:14:34,833 --> 00:14:36,877
Mind if I join
the party?
339
00:14:36,919 --> 00:14:40,714
Just a minute.
You're a waiter.
You're a soldier.
340
00:14:40,756 --> 00:14:43,467
I never said anything
when you sat down, did I?
341
00:14:43,509 --> 00:14:46,345
Waiter, ein bier, bitte.
342
00:14:46,386 --> 00:14:47,554
Yes, sir.
343
00:14:47,596 --> 00:14:49,681
And, uh, bring me
a little cheese.
344
00:14:49,723 --> 00:14:51,475
It goes good
with the beer.
345
00:14:51,517 --> 00:14:54,937
And, uh, I...
346
00:14:56,355 --> 00:14:58,065
You!
347
00:14:58,106 --> 00:15:00,067
Uh, cheese with the beer.
348
00:15:00,108 --> 00:15:02,819
Right away, sir.
Now, just a minute.
349
00:15:02,861 --> 00:15:06,406
What are you doing here?
350
00:15:06,448 --> 00:15:07,491
And him?
351
00:15:12,746 --> 00:15:14,790
And him?
352
00:15:14,832 --> 00:15:16,875
Ach du lieber Himmel.
353
00:15:16,917 --> 00:15:18,293
Hi, Schultz.
354
00:15:18,335 --> 00:15:20,838
Colonel Hogan, you, too?
355
00:15:20,879 --> 00:15:24,174
And wearing
an officer's uniform?
356
00:15:24,216 --> 00:15:25,676
Achtung.
357
00:15:25,717 --> 00:15:28,011
Please don't do that.
358
00:15:28,011 --> 00:15:29,513
How did you get
out of the camp?
359
00:15:29,555 --> 00:15:31,348
It's a long, dull
story, Schultz.
360
00:15:31,348 --> 00:15:33,851
I want the truth.
Well, I could tell you we
went out over the wire.
361
00:15:33,892 --> 00:15:35,853
Over the wire?
But that wouldn't be
telling you the truth.
362
00:15:35,894 --> 00:15:37,145
Ja?
And I'd hate
to tell you
363
00:15:37,187 --> 00:15:38,355
anything that
wasn't true.
So?
364
00:15:38,397 --> 00:15:40,023
So forget it.
Okay.
365
00:15:40,065 --> 00:15:41,859
Good that you did not
lie to me.
366
00:15:41,900 --> 00:15:43,861
Now, what are
you doing here?
367
00:15:43,902 --> 00:15:46,029
See that woman
over there?
368
00:15:46,029 --> 00:15:47,698
That's Hilda.
369
00:15:47,698 --> 00:15:48,991
She runs the place.
370
00:15:49,032 --> 00:15:50,701
She's a widow.
371
00:15:50,701 --> 00:15:52,703
Nice looking tomato.
372
00:15:52,744 --> 00:15:54,037
With eight children.
373
00:15:54,079 --> 00:15:58,375
Ah... so many kinder,
and she's so young.
374
00:15:58,375 --> 00:15:59,877
She got an early start.
375
00:15:59,918 --> 00:16:01,837
Look, if we
don't work here,
376
00:16:01,879 --> 00:16:03,505
she's going to have
to close the place
377
00:16:03,547 --> 00:16:05,174
because she can't
get any help,
378
00:16:05,215 --> 00:16:07,467
and without any
money, those poor,
innocent little kids
379
00:16:07,509 --> 00:16:09,636
are going to go
without food.
Oh, that's terrible.
380
00:16:09,678 --> 00:16:11,555
You wouldn't
want that on your
conscience, would you?
381
00:16:11,555 --> 00:16:12,890
Oh, no.
382
00:16:12,890 --> 00:16:14,683
I am a family man myself.
383
00:16:14,725 --> 00:16:16,977
And you're also a great
humanitarian, Schultz.
384
00:16:17,019 --> 00:16:18,854
Danke. I try to be.
385
00:16:18,896 --> 00:16:20,814
Now, everybody out,
386
00:16:20,856 --> 00:16:23,817
or I have to report this
to Klink at once.
387
00:16:23,859 --> 00:16:25,319
You said you were
a family man.
388
00:16:25,360 --> 00:16:27,863
Yes. My own.
389
00:16:27,905 --> 00:16:30,699
Now, everybody back to camp.
390
00:16:30,741 --> 00:16:32,242
All right, Schultz,
have it your way.
391
00:16:32,284 --> 00:16:34,495
Only thing is you're
going to have to
explain to Klink
392
00:16:34,536 --> 00:16:36,455
how we escaped while
you were on duty...
393
00:16:36,497 --> 00:16:38,540
but I'll get the
rest of the fellows.
394
00:16:38,582 --> 00:16:41,043
No, w-w-w-w-wait,
Colonel Hogan.
395
00:16:41,084 --> 00:16:45,631
You don't think I'd have a widow
with kids be without food.
396
00:16:45,672 --> 00:16:48,383
Have the beer and cheese
sent outside.
397
00:16:48,425 --> 00:16:49,510
Outside?
398
00:16:49,551 --> 00:16:53,972
That way it's easier
to see nothing!
399
00:16:54,014 --> 00:16:55,224
( groans )
400
00:16:56,725 --> 00:16:58,018
Gentlemen, I realize today
401
00:16:58,060 --> 00:16:59,353
is the first of the month.
402
00:16:59,394 --> 00:17:01,647
You have the money,
of course?
403
00:17:01,688 --> 00:17:03,315
Of course.
404
00:17:03,357 --> 00:17:06,401
Well, I am very glad
to hear that.
405
00:17:06,443 --> 00:17:08,570
Well... where is it?
406
00:17:08,612 --> 00:17:10,989
I must draw the money
from the bank,
407
00:17:11,031 --> 00:17:13,784
and I can't get away right now.
408
00:17:13,825 --> 00:17:15,994
And you won't
get away later
409
00:17:16,036 --> 00:17:18,038
unless you redeem
that pledge.
410
00:17:18,080 --> 00:17:19,665
Not redeem?
411
00:17:19,706 --> 00:17:23,460
Whatever put that thought
into your head?
412
00:17:23,460 --> 00:17:24,795
You did.
413
00:17:24,837 --> 00:17:27,005
You will bring it to us
at our headquarters in town.
414
00:17:27,047 --> 00:17:28,632
Or this evening,
415
00:17:28,674 --> 00:17:30,467
be at Hilda's Hofbrau
down the road.
416
00:17:30,509 --> 00:17:32,052
Heil Hitler.
Heil Hitler.
417
00:17:32,094 --> 00:17:32,845
Heil Hitler.
418
00:17:36,390 --> 00:17:37,266
( scoffs )
419
00:17:44,231 --> 00:17:45,482
Herr Kommandant, I...
420
00:17:45,524 --> 00:17:46,942
Ah, shut up.
421
00:17:48,652 --> 00:17:52,531
5,000 Marks.
I am finished, kaput.
422
00:17:52,573 --> 00:17:57,035
A brilliant military
career gone after
so many years.
423
00:17:57,077 --> 00:17:59,538
Why didn't I go
to spy school when
I had a chance?
424
00:17:59,580 --> 00:18:01,623
They said I was talented.
425
00:18:01,665 --> 00:18:03,792
Anything I can do,
Herr Kommandant?
426
00:18:03,834 --> 00:18:06,628
Yes. Get me 5,000 Marks.
427
00:18:06,670 --> 00:18:07,838
Wish I could.
428
00:18:07,880 --> 00:18:09,173
I'm sure.
429
00:18:09,173 --> 00:18:11,508
Believe me, Herr Kommandant,
I'm a poor man.
430
00:18:11,508 --> 00:18:14,511
I even have no right
to be fat.
431
00:18:14,511 --> 00:18:16,847
Well, there's no
use crying about it.
432
00:18:16,847 --> 00:18:18,473
I must face things
as they are.
433
00:18:18,515 --> 00:18:21,018
What are you going to do,
Herr Kommandant?
434
00:18:21,018 --> 00:18:22,853
Do? Tell them the truth.
435
00:18:22,853 --> 00:18:26,523
Tonight, I shall walk
into Hilda's Hofbrau
with my head high
436
00:18:26,523 --> 00:18:28,358
and I shall
confess to them.
437
00:18:28,358 --> 00:18:32,321
I think, Herr Kommandant,
you are right to...
438
00:18:32,362 --> 00:18:35,032
Hilda's Hofbrau?
439
00:18:37,868 --> 00:18:39,369
You're sure of it?
440
00:18:39,369 --> 00:18:41,538
He told it to me
himself.
441
00:18:41,538 --> 00:18:43,373
That's bad.
It ain't good.
442
00:18:43,373 --> 00:18:46,043
Your boys are not
to go there tonight.
443
00:18:46,043 --> 00:18:47,878
It's too late, Schultz.
The boat sailed.
444
00:18:47,878 --> 00:18:49,546
They've been gone
about an hour.
445
00:18:49,546 --> 00:18:51,215
Donnerwetter.
446
00:18:51,215 --> 00:18:53,550
He will see them,
and after he sees them,
447
00:18:53,550 --> 00:18:55,511
he will come back and see me,
and after that,
448
00:18:55,552 --> 00:18:57,554
no one is going
to see me again.
449
00:18:57,554 --> 00:18:59,556
Do you think we could get
a message to 'em?
450
00:18:59,556 --> 00:19:00,974
It's our only chance.
451
00:19:01,016 --> 00:19:04,269
I'll wear the uniform
again and go out the...
452
00:19:04,311 --> 00:19:05,562
emergency tunnel.
453
00:19:05,562 --> 00:19:06,813
I'm sorry, Schultz.
454
00:19:06,855 --> 00:19:08,106
I'd rather have it
that way.
455
00:19:08,148 --> 00:19:09,608
Kinch, go get
the uniform.
Right.
456
00:19:09,650 --> 00:19:11,777
Now, listen carefully.
You've got to stall Klink.
457
00:19:11,818 --> 00:19:14,071
We need enough time to get
everybody out of Hilda's.
458
00:19:14,112 --> 00:19:15,155
But how-how can I...?
459
00:19:15,197 --> 00:19:16,657
Oh, come on, Schultz,
if you don't,
460
00:19:16,698 --> 00:19:18,325
we're in big trouble,
big, big trouble.
461
00:19:18,367 --> 00:19:20,452
But how shall I stall
him? What shall I say?
462
00:19:20,494 --> 00:19:22,496
You'll think of something.
You're a clever man.
463
00:19:22,538 --> 00:19:26,375
Colonel Hogan, this is
not the time to lie to me.
464
00:19:27,543 --> 00:19:29,336
Schultz, I'm leaving.
465
00:19:29,378 --> 00:19:31,505
Jawohl, Herr Kommandant.
466
00:19:31,547 --> 00:19:34,174
Now, there is a chance
I may not come back.
467
00:19:34,216 --> 00:19:36,844
I may never be
heard from again.
468
00:19:36,885 --> 00:19:38,846
Oh, no, Herr Kommandant.
469
00:19:38,887 --> 00:19:42,474
If that happens,
you will have a new
commanding officer.
470
00:19:42,516 --> 00:19:45,978
Now, Schultz... help
him, give him a break.
471
00:19:46,019 --> 00:19:49,523
Jawohl, Herr Kommandant.
I am willing. What shall I do?
472
00:19:49,565 --> 00:19:53,902
Have yourself transferred
to another camp.
473
00:19:55,904 --> 00:19:58,490
Oh, please, Herr
Kommandant, may I?
474
00:19:58,532 --> 00:20:00,159
All right.
475
00:20:07,416 --> 00:20:08,834
Schultz, what are you doing?
476
00:20:08,917 --> 00:20:12,087
Oh, I'm sorry,
Herr Kommandant.
477
00:20:13,547 --> 00:20:15,841
Herr Kommandant,
just a moment.
478
00:20:15,883 --> 00:20:18,302
Your scarf, please.
479
00:20:18,343 --> 00:20:20,846
All right, all right,
all right.
480
00:20:23,932 --> 00:20:27,394
Herr Kommandant, please,
may I talk to you?
481
00:20:27,436 --> 00:20:28,729
Yes, yes, what is it?
482
00:20:28,770 --> 00:20:31,732
Herr Kommandant, please.
I have a problem.
483
00:20:31,773 --> 00:20:35,694
That is the understatement
of the year.
484
00:20:35,736 --> 00:20:38,405
According to regulations,
I am entitled
485
00:20:38,447 --> 00:20:41,074
to discuss my problem
with my superior officer.
486
00:20:41,116 --> 00:20:45,913
There is nothing I can say
that would help you.
487
00:20:45,954 --> 00:20:48,373
I'm sorry, Hilda,
it cannot be helped.
488
00:20:48,415 --> 00:20:50,334
But if you take
the prisoners away now...
489
00:20:50,375 --> 00:20:53,962
It's an emergency.
I have my orders.
490
00:20:54,004 --> 00:20:55,881
( squeaking )
491
00:20:59,259 --> 00:21:01,220
Colonel...
492
00:21:01,261 --> 00:21:04,640
Get the colonel.
493
00:21:06,892 --> 00:21:08,852
Telephone call for Major Hoople.
494
00:21:10,229 --> 00:21:11,230
Excuse me.
495
00:21:17,069 --> 00:21:19,655
Hello, Major Hoople. Hello?
496
00:21:19,696 --> 00:21:22,032
Psst! Psst!
497
00:21:22,074 --> 00:21:24,993
Klink.
498
00:21:26,495 --> 00:21:27,704
Go out the back door.
499
00:21:27,746 --> 00:21:29,039
There is no back door.
500
00:21:29,081 --> 00:21:30,707
I'll make one.
501
00:21:30,749 --> 00:21:32,543
Um, stand up.
502
00:21:35,921 --> 00:21:37,881
I'm going to march
you out of here
503
00:21:37,923 --> 00:21:39,550
like we're going
back to camp.
504
00:21:39,550 --> 00:21:41,260
Follow me.
505
00:21:46,348 --> 00:21:47,558
Major.
506
00:21:49,101 --> 00:21:50,602
Won't you join us, huh?
507
00:21:50,644 --> 00:21:54,022
Don't panic.
Wait right here.
508
00:21:54,064 --> 00:21:57,776
You know Leutnant Doenitz
and your colonel, of course.
509
00:21:57,818 --> 00:22:00,070
Yeah, Colonel.
You?
510
00:22:00,112 --> 00:22:01,780
You all know
each other?
511
00:22:01,822 --> 00:22:04,867
Major Hoople is a very good
friend of ours.
512
00:22:04,908 --> 00:22:06,368
Major who?
513
00:22:06,410 --> 00:22:07,870
Not who, Hoople.
514
00:22:07,911 --> 00:22:09,454
He has trouble with names
sometimes.
515
00:22:09,496 --> 00:22:10,706
Hogan.
516
00:22:10,747 --> 00:22:13,041
That's my first name: Hogan.
Hogan Hoople.
517
00:22:13,083 --> 00:22:14,543
Where did you
get that uniform?
518
00:22:14,585 --> 00:22:17,379
Oh, they've got a great little
army and navy store in town,
519
00:22:17,421 --> 00:22:19,089
and they've got a special
this week:
520
00:22:19,089 --> 00:22:20,883
30% off on tee shirts,
521
00:22:20,924 --> 00:22:22,217
assorted colors.
522
00:22:22,259 --> 00:22:23,719
What are you doing here?
523
00:22:23,760 --> 00:22:26,430
I was just taking a work detail
back to camp.
524
00:22:26,471 --> 00:22:27,764
A work de...
525
00:22:30,184 --> 00:22:32,519
Oh, no.
526
00:22:32,561 --> 00:22:34,563
I think I have a fever
after all.
527
00:22:34,605 --> 00:22:36,064
Brought on by the fact
528
00:22:36,106 --> 00:22:38,901
that you do not have
the 5,000 Marks, eh?
529
00:22:38,942 --> 00:22:42,571
Captain, I have not been able
to get to the bank today,
530
00:22:42,613 --> 00:22:43,864
but I assure you...
531
00:22:43,906 --> 00:22:46,241
Excuse me, Colonel,
have you forgotten?
532
00:22:46,283 --> 00:22:47,409
What? Forgotten what?
533
00:22:47,451 --> 00:22:49,912
You sent me to the bank
for you.
534
00:22:49,953 --> 00:22:50,996
I did?
535
00:22:52,456 --> 00:22:54,583
I did.
536
00:22:54,625 --> 00:22:57,461
It all seems to be here.
537
00:22:57,461 --> 00:22:59,588
Five thousand.
538
00:22:59,630 --> 00:23:05,135
Do you think a German officer
would shortchange you?
539
00:23:05,135 --> 00:23:07,471
MILHEISER:
Well, thank you very much,
Colonel.
540
00:23:07,513 --> 00:23:09,681
Fraulein, beer
for everyone, please.
541
00:23:09,723 --> 00:23:11,892
I'm terribly sorry, gentlemen.
I must be getting along.
542
00:23:11,934 --> 00:23:13,143
What a pity.
543
00:23:13,185 --> 00:23:14,520
Yes, I was beginning to enjoy
544
00:23:14,561 --> 00:23:16,355
the major's company.
545
00:23:16,396 --> 00:23:18,649
Some people can sit around
drinking beer.
546
00:23:18,690 --> 00:23:20,359
I have a prisoner of war camp
to run.
547
00:23:21,944 --> 00:23:23,487
Gentlemen.
548
00:23:31,912 --> 00:23:34,164
Colonel Hogan, you are confined
549
00:23:34,206 --> 00:23:35,833
to the barracks
until further notice,
550
00:23:35,874 --> 00:23:39,086
and your men are sentenced
to 30 days in the cooler.
551
00:23:39,127 --> 00:23:40,170
Now, Colonel...
552
00:23:40,212 --> 00:23:41,713
And then you
will be arrested
553
00:23:41,755 --> 00:23:44,550
as a spy wearing
a German uniform.
554
00:23:44,591 --> 00:23:46,301
We only borrowed it
for a night.
555
00:23:46,343 --> 00:23:48,887
And you, Sergeant Blabbermouth,
556
00:23:48,929 --> 00:23:51,306
will answer to a court-martial
for this.
557
00:23:51,348 --> 00:23:52,850
Well, that's
very unfair, sir.
558
00:23:52,891 --> 00:23:54,643
Schultz was only trying
to help you out.
559
00:23:54,685 --> 00:23:56,186
Let us work in the
Hofbrau to raise
560
00:23:56,228 --> 00:23:58,355
your 5,000 Marks.
Is that true?
561
00:23:58,397 --> 00:24:00,566
Whatever Colonel Hogan says.
562
00:24:00,607 --> 00:24:02,693
He was standing guard
outside the Hofbrau...
563
00:24:02,693 --> 00:24:05,237
and now you want to
court-martial him.
564
00:24:05,279 --> 00:24:07,531
Well, that puts everything
into a different light.
565
00:24:07,531 --> 00:24:11,160
I will have to give the whole
matter some more consideration.
566
00:24:11,201 --> 00:24:12,286
Dismissed.
567
00:24:23,881 --> 00:24:26,884
Well, that's one way
to skin a commandant.
568
00:24:26,884 --> 00:24:30,220
Colonel Hogan, how
did you get the money?
569
00:24:30,220 --> 00:24:33,724
Let's just say I had it made up
by native craftsmen.
570
00:24:33,724 --> 00:24:38,061
Counterfeit!
Ach du lieber.
571
00:24:38,061 --> 00:24:42,524
For this, Milheiser and
Doenitz could spend the
rest of the war in chains.
572
00:24:42,566 --> 00:24:45,527
We can only hope.
573
00:24:46,305 --> 00:25:46,443
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