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By order
of Commandant Wilhelm Klink,

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all prisoners have to stay away
from doors and windows,

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and are not allowed
to leave the barracks

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for no reason whatsoever

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until further notice.

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You can't do that.

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It's against the Geneva
Prisoner of War Convention.

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And the rules
of organized warfare.

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And don't forget the Interstate
Commerce Commission.

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I have given the order.

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Every time
I tell them something,

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they always give me trouble.

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Good-bye,
Schultz!

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Good-bye, old Shultz.

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Hey, Colonel,
what's happening?

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We're gonna find out
right now.

21
00:01:51,737 --> 00:01:52,529
Carter, watch the door.

22
00:02:02,789 --> 00:02:06,043
Hey, they just
brought in a civilian.

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Anybody we know?

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He's guarded
by two Kraut officers.

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They put him
in that storage building

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they've been cleaning out
all this week.

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Must be important.

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I could sneak out
and find out,
maybe. No?

29
00:02:17,221 --> 00:02:18,889
Nah, nah, nah.
Got a better idea.

30
00:02:18,889 --> 00:02:20,891
Schultz probably knows
what's going on.

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Carter, go tell him
there's a seat open

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in the blackjack game.

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Newkirk, start
the blackjack game.

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21. Name of the game, gents.

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<i>Wieder</i>
<i>ein-und-swanzig.</i>

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00:02:44,831 --> 00:02:46,416
He beats me again.

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00:02:46,416 --> 00:02:48,836
He's knocking
my brains out.

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Tough luck, old chap.

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Care for another go?

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What do you think?

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You think I'm a sucker?

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You think I just got off the bus
from Dusseldorf?

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00:03:00,097 --> 00:03:03,642
Hmm. I bet 25 marks...

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on the cuff.

45
00:03:05,060 --> 00:03:06,603
Sorry, Schultz.

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You've already had 300 marks
on tick.

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You'll have to get the okay
from... Colonel Hogan.

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00:03:11,316 --> 00:03:12,901
What's the
problem, Schultz?

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00:03:12,943 --> 00:03:15,571
Oh, our friend
here wants more
credit, Colonel,

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but he's already into us
for quite a bit.

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Oh, I see.

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Well, Schultz,
you owe us money

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and, obviously,
you can't pay.

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What are you gonna
do about it?

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I'm going
to make a comeback.

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Don't you worry.

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Gambling is
against the rules,

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especially
with prisoners.

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Now, if Colonel Klink
should find out...

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( <i>whistles</i> )

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say hello to the gang at
the Russian front, baby.

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Oh, Colonel, please
give him a chance.

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Yeah, Colonel,
take it easy on him.

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He's not a bad sort...
for a goon.

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All right.
I'll tell you what.

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You can get even
and back into
the game, Schultz.

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Tell us who
the civilian was

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that they brought
into camp tonight.

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You want me to give you
a secret for 300 marks?!

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He who dances
must pay the fiddler.

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Who's dancing?

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My answer is no.

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Oh, Colonel...

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I just overheard
those two guards talking.

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Guess who that man is

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that they brought
in here tonight?

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Who?

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( <i>whispering</i> )

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( <i>laughing</i> )

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Who do you think I am,
a Dummkopf or something?

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Using that old corny trick.

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I'm the only one
that Commandant Klink told

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that the man is a captured
French scien...tist.

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French scientist,
Schultz?

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What's his name?

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I say no more.

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It slipped out.

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I have witnesses.

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The Russian
front, baby--

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combing your hair
with an ice pick
every morning.

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Come on, Schultz,
you're in too deep.

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What's his name?

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( <i>exhales</i> )

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His name is Henry DuBois.

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Deal me in.

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He was brought here
for some experiments.

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Deal me in.

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SHULTZ:
Deal me in.

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Hit me. Hit me.

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Deal me...

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Ah!

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<i>Ein-und-zwanzing!</i>

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Ha, ha, ha!

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00:05:02,427 --> 00:05:03,303
( <i>laughing</i> )

105
00:05:04,930 --> 00:05:07,850
Hey, here's the answer on DuBois
from London, Colonel.

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Okay, Kinch.

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"DuBois synthetic
fuel expert.

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"Reported collaborating.

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"Valuable man.

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"Try get him our side.

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Failing, eliminate
DuBois and work."

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Sounds like
a big job, huh?

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Must be. They
went over ten words.

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May I ask how you found out
that Henry DuBois is here?

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Colonel, a POW camp
is like a beauty parlor--

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gossip, loose talk,
rumors about such things

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as who's being transferred
to the Russian front.

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They wouldn't dare.

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I am needed here.

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Of course. Of course.

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But, just in case,

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the boys are knitting
you a beautiful muffler.

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And what is this
about LeBeau?

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Oh, yeah.

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Monsieur DuBois caught sight
of him this morning

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and immediately asked him
to work in his laboratory.

127
00:05:55,564 --> 00:05:57,024
But why LeBeau?

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You have never heard
of Louis LeBeau?

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00:05:59,610 --> 00:06:01,486
The man they called
Mr. Test Tube

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00:06:01,528 --> 00:06:03,447
at the École de Chimie
in Paris?

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00:06:03,447 --> 00:06:05,282
He's a chemist?

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00:06:05,324 --> 00:06:07,784
In France, he's known
for the discovery of hemolac.

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He... Hemolac?

134
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What is hemolac?

135
00:06:12,289 --> 00:06:14,750
That's a problem for after
the war: What <i>is</i> hemolac?

136
00:06:14,791 --> 00:06:17,336
But he's a cook who
works for the prisoners.

137
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You know what they say
at the universities:

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You show me a chemist,
and I'll show you a great chef.

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What's the difference whether
you have hydrochloric acid

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00:06:25,928 --> 00:06:28,138
or a pot roast cooking
on a Bunsen burner?

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00:06:28,180 --> 00:06:29,848
I can't believe it.

142
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Just think how great
it would be for you

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00:06:32,017 --> 00:06:33,519
if you got the credit

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for speeding up
Monsieur DuBois' experiments.

145
00:06:37,147 --> 00:06:38,815
Yes! I can see where

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00:06:38,815 --> 00:06:42,069
General Burkhalter
would be very pleased.

147
00:06:42,110 --> 00:06:44,071
It's amazing
how far ahead of me

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00:06:44,112 --> 00:06:45,656
you are at times.
Amazing.

149
00:06:45,697 --> 00:06:47,115
So...

150
00:06:50,410 --> 00:06:52,996
LeBeau refuses to
work for him, eh?

151
00:06:53,038 --> 00:06:54,915
That
little cockroach.

152
00:06:54,957 --> 00:06:57,292
I'll show him who's in command
of Stalag 13. Bring him in!

153
00:06:59,920 --> 00:07:02,714
Monsieur LeBeau, from
the École de Chimie in Paris.

154
00:07:05,175 --> 00:07:06,635
I will not do it.

155
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I will not.

156
00:07:08,178 --> 00:07:10,347
We have ways
of making you obey orders.

157
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I'm only required
to give my name,

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rank and serial number.

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I am Louis LeBeau,
Corporal,

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00:07:15,686 --> 00:07:20,649
and my serial number
is H-1-2-4-9-7...

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00:07:20,691 --> 00:07:22,067
H-1-2...

162
00:07:22,109 --> 00:07:23,694
4...

163
00:07:23,735 --> 00:07:25,863
H...

164
00:07:25,904 --> 00:07:28,031
The man who invented hemolac

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can't even remember
his own serial number.

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00:07:31,201 --> 00:07:32,703
They're all that way.

167
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Einstein once
left the house
without his pants.

168
00:07:35,372 --> 00:07:37,207
That means nothing to me.

169
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It meant
something to him.

170
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Corporal LeBeau,
you are hereby ordered

171
00:07:41,753 --> 00:07:45,716
to report to Monsieur DuBois
and assist him as requested.

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Dismissed.

173
00:07:53,390 --> 00:07:55,559
Monsieur DuBois?

174
00:07:55,559 --> 00:07:57,394
<i>Oui.</i>

175
00:07:57,394 --> 00:08:00,189
I am Corporal
Louis LeBeau.

176
00:08:00,230 --> 00:08:02,107
I've been ordered
to assist you

177
00:08:02,149 --> 00:08:03,650
in your experiments.

178
00:08:03,692 --> 00:08:05,986
I have no need for an assistant.

179
00:08:06,028 --> 00:08:07,613
I did not ask for one.

180
00:08:07,654 --> 00:08:09,907
This is the order
of the commandant,

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00:08:09,907 --> 00:08:11,325
Colonel Wilhelm Klink.

182
00:08:11,366 --> 00:08:13,368
Then I have no choice.

183
00:08:13,410 --> 00:08:15,412
Yes, you do have a
choice, Monsieur DuBois.

184
00:08:17,915 --> 00:08:19,333
<i>Cochon!</i>

185
00:08:19,374 --> 00:08:21,251
Your choice is work
for the allies or die!

186
00:08:21,293 --> 00:08:22,961
And I will see to that myself.

187
00:08:23,003 --> 00:08:24,463
Collaborator!

188
00:08:24,505 --> 00:08:26,131
Collaborator?

189
00:08:26,173 --> 00:08:28,050
Yes!

190
00:08:28,091 --> 00:08:30,177
( <i>groans</i> )

191
00:08:30,219 --> 00:08:33,555
Do you think I do this
because I want to?

192
00:08:33,597 --> 00:08:37,309
They are holding my daughter
at the hotel in town.

193
00:08:37,351 --> 00:08:39,686
If I do not do as they say,

194
00:08:39,728 --> 00:08:41,313
who knows
what might happen to her?

195
00:08:41,355 --> 00:08:45,692
You didn't volunteer?

196
00:08:45,734 --> 00:08:48,070
I'm loyal
to our country.

197
00:08:48,111 --> 00:08:50,864
My daughter and I were captured
when France fell.

198
00:08:50,906 --> 00:08:53,325
The Germans force me
to work for them.

199
00:08:53,367 --> 00:08:55,244
I have been delaying,

200
00:08:55,285 --> 00:08:58,247
making little
useless experiments.

201
00:08:58,288 --> 00:09:01,583
Frankly, I... I don't know
what to make anymore.

202
00:09:01,625 --> 00:09:03,460
I have an idea for you.

203
00:09:03,502 --> 00:09:04,920
Yes?

204
00:09:04,962 --> 00:09:06,630
How about crêpes suzette?

205
00:09:06,630 --> 00:09:08,590
Crêpe su...?

206
00:09:08,632 --> 00:09:10,551
( <i>both laughing</i> )

207
00:09:13,345 --> 00:09:15,180
( <i>sotto voce</i> ):
LeBeau told me

208
00:09:15,222 --> 00:09:18,141
DuBois said he wouldn't leave
without his daughter.

209
00:09:19,852 --> 00:09:22,479
We'll never get her
out of that hotel.

210
00:09:24,523 --> 00:09:28,151
They've got half the German army
guarding the girl.

211
00:09:30,529 --> 00:09:33,740
We'll just have to rescue
the girl.

212
00:09:37,536 --> 00:09:39,329
"We'll just have to rescue
the girl."

213
00:09:39,329 --> 00:09:40,914
Great. But how?

214
00:09:40,956 --> 00:09:44,168
How many men
would be guarding a prisoner

215
00:09:44,168 --> 00:09:46,670
in a place
like the Hausner Hof?

216
00:09:46,712 --> 00:09:49,173
CARTER:
Two or three squads.

217
00:09:50,549 --> 00:09:53,510
Maybe a captain
and even a major.

218
00:09:53,510 --> 00:09:55,345
What difference does it make?

219
00:09:55,345 --> 00:09:57,890
Might as well be a
bleeding general.

220
00:10:00,392 --> 00:10:02,519
Why not a general?

221
00:10:02,519 --> 00:10:04,855
I mean, if a general showed up
at the Hausner Hof

222
00:10:04,897 --> 00:10:07,357
and demanded the girl...

223
00:10:07,357 --> 00:10:09,568
Where are we going to
get somebody like that?

224
00:10:09,610 --> 00:10:11,820
He comes up
with ideas, I..

225
00:10:11,862 --> 00:10:13,405
You will stand
at attention

226
00:10:13,447 --> 00:10:15,991
when General Von Himmelburger
addresses you!

227
00:10:16,033 --> 00:10:17,367
<i>Jawohl, Herr Gener...</i>

228
00:10:17,367 --> 00:10:18,493
( <i>growls</i> )

229
00:10:39,598 --> 00:10:40,891
( <i>groans</i> )

230
00:10:40,933 --> 00:10:42,643
Thank you, Putzi.

231
00:10:44,895 --> 00:10:48,065
We are the Hausner Hof
Hotel, Herr General.

232
00:10:48,065 --> 00:10:50,234
<i>Danke schon, Putzi.</i>

233
00:10:50,234 --> 00:10:51,944
I hate to read signs

234
00:10:51,985 --> 00:10:54,571
unless
it's absolutely necessary.

235
00:10:55,781 --> 00:10:57,449
<i>Achtung!</i>

236
00:10:57,574 --> 00:10:58,909
NEWKIRK:
<i>Achtung!</i>

237
00:10:58,951 --> 00:11:00,911
<i>Achtung! Achtung!</i>

238
00:11:00,953 --> 00:11:02,412
<i>Schnell, Dummkopf!</i>

239
00:11:02,454 --> 00:11:04,498
<i>Achtung! Achtung!</i>

240
00:11:17,886 --> 00:11:19,221
( <i>bell dings</i> )

241
00:11:19,263 --> 00:11:23,517
This is General Von Himmelburger
of the fuhrer's staff.

242
00:11:23,559 --> 00:11:24,601
<i>Heil Hitler.</i>

243
00:11:24,643 --> 00:11:25,561
ALL:
<i>Heil Hitler.</i>

244
00:11:25,602 --> 00:11:29,231
Depressing.
Depressing.

245
00:11:29,273 --> 00:11:31,024
Putzi, until this moment,

246
00:11:31,066 --> 00:11:33,902
I thought we had a
chance to win the war.

247
00:11:33,944 --> 00:11:35,571
But don't quote me.

248
00:11:35,612 --> 00:11:37,322
SERGEANT:
At your orders,
Herr General.

249
00:11:37,364 --> 00:11:39,700
You are holding
a prisoner here,

250
00:11:39,741 --> 00:11:42,411
a girl named...

251
00:11:45,956 --> 00:11:47,374
Marie DuBois,
Herr General.

252
00:11:47,416 --> 00:11:48,500
<i>Heil Hitler.</i>

253
00:11:48,625 --> 00:11:49,918
ALL:
<i>Heil Hitler.</i>

254
00:11:49,960 --> 00:11:51,253
Marie DuBois.

255
00:11:51,295 --> 00:11:54,840
I want her taken outside,
put in my machine at once.

256
00:11:54,882 --> 00:11:56,216
But Herr General...

257
00:11:56,258 --> 00:11:57,843
SERGEANT:
Herr General...

258
00:11:57,885 --> 00:11:59,052
Take this man's name,

259
00:11:59,094 --> 00:12:01,346
have him transferred
to the Russian front.

260
00:12:01,388 --> 00:12:02,306
<i>Jawohl, Herr General.</i>

261
00:12:02,347 --> 00:12:03,682
<i>Heil Hitler.</i>

262
00:12:03,724 --> 00:12:05,184
ALL:
<i>Heil Hitler.</i>

263
00:12:05,225 --> 00:12:08,145
May I be of assistance,
Herr General?

264
00:12:08,187 --> 00:12:11,190
This man is to be
court-martialed and shot!

265
00:12:11,231 --> 00:12:13,525
But, Herr General,
I have not even
greeted you yet.

266
00:12:13,567 --> 00:12:14,985
That's why-- you're too slow.

267
00:12:15,027 --> 00:12:16,778
Will you never learn?!

268
00:12:16,820 --> 00:12:19,531
General Himmelburger,
may I be of assistance?

269
00:12:19,573 --> 00:12:20,866
You may not!

270
00:12:20,908 --> 00:12:22,951
Take this man's name, Putzi.

271
00:12:22,993 --> 00:12:24,995
Transfer to
the Russian front, sir,

272
00:12:24,995 --> 00:12:26,955
or court-martialed
to be shot?

273
00:12:26,997 --> 00:12:28,499
I don't know. Mix 'em up.

274
00:12:28,540 --> 00:12:30,250
<i>Jawohl, Herr General.</i>

275
00:12:30,292 --> 00:12:31,418
<i>Heil Hitler.</i>

276
00:12:31,460 --> 00:12:32,628
ALL:
<i>Heil Hitler.</i>

277
00:12:32,669 --> 00:12:35,422
Sir, I regret, we must
have written authorization

278
00:12:35,464 --> 00:12:36,924
to release the prisoner.

279
00:12:36,965 --> 00:12:39,718
You dare to question
the authority

280
00:12:39,760 --> 00:12:41,553
of General Von, Von, Von....

281
00:12:41,845 --> 00:12:42,763
Himmelburger.

282
00:12:42,804 --> 00:12:44,056
Himmelburger?

283
00:12:44,097 --> 00:12:47,684
This man will be
court-martialed, shot

284
00:12:47,726 --> 00:12:49,645
<i>and</i> sent to the
Russian front!

285
00:12:49,686 --> 00:12:51,897
Now, listen to me, all of you.

286
00:12:54,525 --> 00:12:56,276
My patience is at an end.

287
00:13:00,989 --> 00:13:03,116
I want this girl brought down
and put in my machine.

288
00:13:04,743 --> 00:13:05,994
In five minutes.

289
00:13:06,036 --> 00:13:07,204
( <i>glass shattering</i> )

290
00:13:07,204 --> 00:13:08,372
Repeat, five minutes.

291
00:13:08,372 --> 00:13:09,581
( <i>glass shattering</i> )

292
00:13:09,623 --> 00:13:11,291
HOGAN:
If you do not
follow my orders

293
00:13:11,333 --> 00:13:12,292
( <i>glass breaking</i> )

294
00:13:12,334 --> 00:13:13,252
within that time,

295
00:13:13,293 --> 00:13:15,128
you will all be transferred

296
00:13:15,170 --> 00:13:16,630
to the Russian front.

297
00:13:16,672 --> 00:13:18,799
Including the hotel itself.

298
00:13:20,884 --> 00:13:22,135
( <i>bellows</i> )

299
00:13:22,177 --> 00:13:24,096
Do you hear me?!

300
00:13:25,305 --> 00:13:26,598
Aah!

301
00:13:31,228 --> 00:13:32,229
Yaah!

302
00:13:47,661 --> 00:13:49,538
He means it.

303
00:13:49,580 --> 00:13:50,747
I know him.

304
00:14:00,465 --> 00:14:02,509
What do we do if they don't
bring the girl out?

305
00:14:02,551 --> 00:14:04,678
<i>We</i> go to the
Russian front.

306
00:14:04,720 --> 00:14:06,013
Wish they'd hurry up, then.

307
00:14:06,054 --> 00:14:08,932
Got to get the motorcycle
back to the pool.

308
00:14:08,932 --> 00:14:09,933
Watch it.

309
00:14:09,933 --> 00:14:10,601
( <i>clears throat</i> )

310
00:14:12,102 --> 00:14:13,270
Where are you taking me?

311
00:14:13,312 --> 00:14:14,438
Silence.

312
00:14:14,479 --> 00:14:15,772
The girl,
Herr General.

313
00:14:15,814 --> 00:14:17,441
Very good.

314
00:14:17,482 --> 00:14:19,568
You made it with 40
seconds to spare.

315
00:14:19,610 --> 00:14:21,236
General.

316
00:14:22,863 --> 00:14:24,114
Uh-huh. Ah...

317
00:14:24,156 --> 00:14:26,450
<i>Danke, Putzi.</i>

318
00:14:26,491 --> 00:14:28,076
The girl.

319
00:14:28,118 --> 00:14:29,369
Fraulein?

320
00:14:32,956 --> 00:14:34,917
I wish to question the girl,

321
00:14:34,958 --> 00:14:37,294
and we may as well
be comfortable.

322
00:14:37,294 --> 00:14:38,086
HOGAN:
<i>Heil Hitler.</i>

323
00:14:38,128 --> 00:14:38,962
<i>Heil Hitler.Heil Hitler.</i>

324
00:14:57,981 --> 00:14:59,316
They change the dogs

325
00:14:59,316 --> 00:15:01,735
so they won't get too friendly
with the prisoners.

326
00:15:01,777 --> 00:15:03,403
( <i>barking quietly</i> )

327
00:15:08,617 --> 00:15:10,160
Are they dangerous?

328
00:15:10,160 --> 00:15:11,620
Oh, only to the Germans.

329
00:15:11,662 --> 00:15:12,830
<i>Au revoir.</i>

330
00:15:12,830 --> 00:15:13,372
<i>Au revoir.</i>

331
00:15:15,499 --> 00:15:16,500
<i>Merci,</i> huh?

332
00:15:18,001 --> 00:15:19,378
<i>Merci beaucoup.</i>

333
00:15:19,419 --> 00:15:21,213
Enough already.

334
00:15:21,505 --> 00:15:22,172
<i>Au revoir.</i>

335
00:15:37,354 --> 00:15:39,231
Papa!

336
00:15:39,273 --> 00:15:40,315
Marie.

337
00:15:41,900 --> 00:15:43,068
Oh...
Marie...

338
00:15:43,110 --> 00:15:44,486
Pardon me?

339
00:15:44,528 --> 00:15:45,612
We've only
got 24 hours

340
00:15:45,654 --> 00:15:47,656
to make contact with
that British sub.

341
00:15:47,781 --> 00:15:49,032
We got to
get cracking.

342
00:15:49,074 --> 00:15:50,325
Cracking?

343
00:15:50,367 --> 00:15:52,911
Uh, follow me, uh,
<i>s'il vous plaît.</i>

344
00:15:52,953 --> 00:15:55,372
<i>Oui. Allez,</i>
<i>Marie, allez.</i>

345
00:15:55,414 --> 00:15:56,874
OFFICER:
Mama Bear to Goldilocks.

346
00:15:56,915 --> 00:15:58,542
Mama Bear to Goldilocks.

347
00:15:58,542 --> 00:15:59,918
Confirming.

348
00:15:59,960 --> 00:16:02,671
Will pick up two packages--
one large, one small--

349
00:16:02,713 --> 00:16:05,799
at point Y-14 in 24 hours.

350
00:16:05,841 --> 00:16:08,010
Over and out.

351
00:16:08,051 --> 00:16:09,178
Escaped?!

352
00:16:09,219 --> 00:16:10,554
DuBois escaped?!

353
00:16:10,554 --> 00:16:12,181
Yes, sir.
LeBeau went to
his laboratory

354
00:16:12,222 --> 00:16:14,099
a couple of
minutes ago, and
DuBois was gone.

355
00:16:14,141 --> 00:16:15,559
I hate to get you
out of bed, sir.

356
00:16:15,601 --> 00:16:16,852
Gee, this is a
beautiful robe.

357
00:16:16,894 --> 00:16:18,187
Oh, <i>danke.</i>

358
00:16:18,228 --> 00:16:19,313
This is impossible.

359
00:16:19,354 --> 00:16:20,564
No one escapes
from Stalag 13.

360
00:16:20,606 --> 00:16:21,773
Yeah, looks like

361
00:16:21,815 --> 00:16:23,525
you got a first
on your hands, sir.

362
00:16:23,567 --> 00:16:25,277
You know something
about this, cockroach?

363
00:16:25,319 --> 00:16:26,737
Oh, come on. If
he helped DuBois

364
00:16:26,778 --> 00:16:28,572
to escape, would he
tell you anything?

365
00:16:28,614 --> 00:16:29,740
Perhaps not.

366
00:16:29,740 --> 00:16:31,658
Oh, this is terrible, terrible.

367
00:16:31,700 --> 00:16:33,118
I know how you
must feel, sir.

368
00:16:33,160 --> 00:16:34,661
No, you don't.

369
00:16:36,121 --> 00:16:37,706
KLINK:
I have been
informed by Berlin

370
00:16:37,748 --> 00:16:39,666
that a Professor
Altman is coming
here tomorrow

371
00:16:39,708 --> 00:16:40,667
to meet
with DuBois

372
00:16:40,709 --> 00:16:41,919
and check on
the experiments!

373
00:16:41,960 --> 00:16:44,087
There is no DuBois,
and they will hold me

374
00:16:44,087 --> 00:16:45,881
personally
responsible
for this.

375
00:16:45,923 --> 00:16:48,509
Yes, sir, they can be mean
when they want to.

376
00:16:48,550 --> 00:16:50,511
I must find DuBois at once.

377
00:16:50,552 --> 00:16:52,596
Now, we will search
this countryside

378
00:16:52,763 --> 00:16:54,723
inch by inch tonight.

379
00:16:54,765 --> 00:16:55,891
We need 24 hours.

380
00:16:55,933 --> 00:16:57,142
KLINK:
What?!

381
00:16:57,184 --> 00:16:59,144
He means we'll be glad
to join in the search,

382
00:16:59,186 --> 00:17:01,730
but we'll never find DuBois
in time to meet Altman.

383
00:17:01,772 --> 00:17:03,148
Hmm... in that case,

384
00:17:03,190 --> 00:17:04,733
I am finished.

385
00:17:04,775 --> 00:17:06,610
I have a suggestion,
Colonel.

386
00:17:08,362 --> 00:17:10,447
We have to stall
for time, right?

387
00:17:10,489 --> 00:17:14,076
Now, Altman has never
met DuBois.

388
00:17:14,117 --> 00:17:16,620
Why not have LeBeau
stand in for him?

389
00:17:21,416 --> 00:17:23,168
Can you do it, cockroach?

390
00:17:23,210 --> 00:17:24,586
Well, he's been
working with him.

391
00:17:24,628 --> 00:17:25,838
He knows all
the experiments.

392
00:17:25,879 --> 00:17:28,423
I do? Oh, yes, sir, I do.

393
00:17:28,465 --> 00:17:30,133
All right,
I have no other choice.

394
00:17:30,175 --> 00:17:31,343
But if anything goes wrong,

395
00:17:31,385 --> 00:17:33,595
I will hold you personally
responsible,

396
00:17:33,637 --> 00:17:34,972
and you will take
the consequences.

397
00:17:35,013 --> 00:17:36,223
Yes, sir.

398
00:17:36,265 --> 00:17:37,599
You heard him.

399
00:17:37,641 --> 00:17:39,476
He's going to hold me
personally responsible,

400
00:17:39,518 --> 00:17:40,769
and if anything
goes wrong...

401
00:17:40,811 --> 00:17:42,229
I will take the consequences.

402
00:17:44,314 --> 00:17:46,817
HOGAN:
Didn't you learn
<i>anything</i> from DuBois?

403
00:17:46,817 --> 00:17:50,988
Well, most of the time,
we just made crêpes suzettes.

404
00:17:50,988 --> 00:17:52,447
We've got to stall long enough

405
00:17:52,489 --> 00:17:54,783
for DuBois and the girl
to get started for England.

406
00:17:54,825 --> 00:17:57,161
Carter, you know chemistry.

407
00:17:57,202 --> 00:17:58,453
I know what?

408
00:17:58,495 --> 00:17:59,663
Well, you ran
a chemist shop.

409
00:17:59,663 --> 00:18:00,831
Well, I ran a drugstore.

410
00:18:00,831 --> 00:18:02,166
I ran a drugstore
in Muncie, Indiana.

411
00:18:02,166 --> 00:18:03,667
All right.

412
00:18:03,709 --> 00:18:05,419
I want you to teach
LeBeau some chemistry

413
00:18:05,460 --> 00:18:06,503
by 9:00
tomorrow morning.

414
00:18:06,545 --> 00:18:07,754
Some words and
phrases and stuff.

415
00:18:07,796 --> 00:18:08,922
I can't.

416
00:18:08,964 --> 00:18:10,382
Look, you're wasting
time, Carter.

417
00:18:10,424 --> 00:18:11,842
We got about six-
and-a-half hours,

418
00:18:11,842 --> 00:18:12,968
and a lot
depends on this.

419
00:18:13,010 --> 00:18:14,386
I can't teach him any chemistry.

420
00:18:14,428 --> 00:18:15,679
Why not?

421
00:18:15,679 --> 00:18:17,764
Look, Colonel,
I ran a drugstore.

422
00:18:17,806 --> 00:18:21,310
You know, like candy,
uh, cigarettes, cosmetics,

423
00:18:21,351 --> 00:18:23,520
liquor, beach chairs...

424
00:18:23,520 --> 00:18:26,023
You know, a drugstore.

425
00:18:26,064 --> 00:18:28,025
Wait a minute, I got this.

426
00:18:28,025 --> 00:18:30,194
Maybe he can look through this
and find something.

427
00:18:30,194 --> 00:18:32,237
<i>Handbook of Pharmacy,</i> huh?

428
00:18:32,279 --> 00:18:34,072
Yeah, I've been carrying it
for two years.

429
00:18:34,114 --> 00:18:35,908
I'm going to take the exam
when I get home.

430
00:18:35,949 --> 00:18:37,701
Oh, swell.

431
00:18:37,743 --> 00:18:39,453
Start reading.

432
00:18:43,624 --> 00:18:45,626
Professor DuBois,

433
00:18:45,667 --> 00:18:47,044
I have the honor to present

434
00:18:47,085 --> 00:18:50,088
Professor
Altman and
Captain Krug.

435
00:18:51,048 --> 00:18:52,257
Professor DuBois,

436
00:18:52,299 --> 00:18:54,009
I have heard a great
deal about you.

437
00:18:54,051 --> 00:18:57,137
I trust your experiments
justify your reputation.

438
00:18:57,179 --> 00:18:59,556
So do I.

439
00:18:59,556 --> 00:19:01,725
Berlin is expecting progress.

440
00:19:01,767 --> 00:19:05,103
It would be unfortunate
if they are disappointed.

441
00:19:05,145 --> 00:19:06,563
( <i>weak chuckle</i> )

442
00:19:06,605 --> 00:19:09,566
Well, I shall leave you two
great friends together.

443
00:19:09,566 --> 00:19:10,776
( <i>chuckling</i> )

444
00:19:10,817 --> 00:19:11,693
Good luck.

445
00:19:16,740 --> 00:19:19,535
Uh, sit down,
gentlemen, please.

446
00:19:22,412 --> 00:19:24,623
Now, uh, before
we begin,

447
00:19:24,665 --> 00:19:26,500
I-I would like
you to meet
my assistant.

448
00:19:26,542 --> 00:19:27,793
This is my
assistant,

449
00:19:27,835 --> 00:19:29,002
Monsieur LeBeau.

450
00:19:29,044 --> 00:19:30,504
<i>Bonjour.</i>

451
00:19:30,546 --> 00:19:32,214
We have a saying in France.

452
00:19:32,256 --> 00:19:34,675
A little refreshment
makes the job easier.

453
00:19:34,716 --> 00:19:37,594
It's only a saying.

454
00:19:37,594 --> 00:19:38,762
<i>A votre sante.</i>

455
00:19:38,762 --> 00:19:39,930
<i>Prosit.</i>

456
00:19:39,930 --> 00:19:41,056
<i>Prosit.</i>

457
00:19:42,891 --> 00:19:45,060
Now, as you
know, gentlemen,

458
00:19:45,102 --> 00:19:46,520
the problem
has been

459
00:19:46,562 --> 00:19:49,314
to produce a workable
synthetic fuel.

460
00:19:49,356 --> 00:19:50,440
( <i>chuckles</i> )

461
00:19:50,482 --> 00:19:51,608
That's a problem

462
00:19:51,650 --> 00:19:54,611
that has been
stopping us
for years.

463
00:19:54,653 --> 00:19:57,447
In preparing,
uh, an emulsion,

464
00:19:57,447 --> 00:19:59,616
uh, careful measurement

465
00:19:59,658 --> 00:20:02,536
of quantities used
is most important.

466
00:20:02,578 --> 00:20:04,830
An emulsion?

467
00:20:04,872 --> 00:20:06,748
An emulsion!

468
00:20:06,790 --> 00:20:09,793
Oh, we have never approached
the problem from that angle.

469
00:20:09,835 --> 00:20:13,213
ALTMAN:
Brilliant conception,
and so simple.

470
00:20:13,255 --> 00:20:14,464
<i>Merci.</i>

471
00:20:14,506 --> 00:20:16,800
Tell me, Professor,
did you use positive

472
00:20:16,800 --> 00:20:19,136
or negative ions
in the processing?

473
00:20:19,136 --> 00:20:21,346
What a question.

474
00:20:21,388 --> 00:20:22,890
Forgive me,
Professor,

475
00:20:22,931 --> 00:20:25,809
but don't they
teach you fellows
<i>anything</i> in Berlin?

476
00:20:25,851 --> 00:20:28,812
I beg your pardon,
Professor DuBois.

477
00:20:28,812 --> 00:20:31,231
Obviously, he's
way ahead of us.

478
00:20:31,273 --> 00:20:32,649
As I was saying,

479
00:20:32,649 --> 00:20:34,526
in preparing
an emulsion,

480
00:20:34,568 --> 00:20:36,445
the steps are
as follows.

481
00:20:36,486 --> 00:20:38,697
Number one: Select components

482
00:20:38,739 --> 00:20:42,159
as listed by doctor
in prescription?

483
00:20:42,159 --> 00:20:43,327
Doctor?

484
00:20:43,368 --> 00:20:44,703
Prescription?

485
00:20:44,745 --> 00:20:46,997
Uh, oh, I am also an M.D.,

486
00:20:47,039 --> 00:20:49,166
and it's easier for me
to think in those terms.

487
00:20:51,126 --> 00:20:52,544
Number two:

488
00:20:52,586 --> 00:20:54,630
After selecting
components,

489
00:20:54,671 --> 00:20:57,049
make accurate
measurements.

490
00:20:57,090 --> 00:20:59,510
Number three: Select

491
00:20:59,551 --> 00:21:02,846
vessel in which mixing process
will be made.

492
00:21:05,015 --> 00:21:08,602
And number four: Uh...

493
00:21:08,644 --> 00:21:10,562
wash hands before beginning.

494
00:21:13,273 --> 00:21:14,399
( <i>faucet running</i> )

495
00:21:14,441 --> 00:21:15,651
The good ones--

496
00:21:15,692 --> 00:21:18,237
they are always
so sanitary.

497
00:21:18,278 --> 00:21:19,530
<i>Ja, ja, ja.</i>

498
00:21:19,530 --> 00:21:22,074
Goldilocks to Mama Bear,
Goldilocks to Mama Bear.

499
00:21:22,115 --> 00:21:23,784
Advise without delay

500
00:21:23,826 --> 00:21:25,661
when two packages
are picked up.

501
00:21:25,702 --> 00:21:27,913
But only, do-do
you mean to tell me

502
00:21:27,955 --> 00:21:29,623
that you have
actually been able

503
00:21:29,665 --> 00:21:31,917
to mix these
two substances?

504
00:21:31,959 --> 00:21:34,002
That's right, Hans.

505
00:21:34,044 --> 00:21:37,756
Cynogenic acid
and Palmer's alkali.

506
00:21:37,798 --> 00:21:39,758
<i>Wunderbar.</i>

507
00:21:39,800 --> 00:21:41,051
But my dear boy,

508
00:21:41,093 --> 00:21:42,594
I-I find it
difficult to believe

509
00:21:42,636 --> 00:21:44,721
that these two could
act as a catalyst.

510
00:21:44,721 --> 00:21:47,140
Oh, not only
as a catalyst, but...

511
00:21:48,475 --> 00:21:52,312
the mixture also relieves
nasal congestion?

512
00:21:52,354 --> 00:21:54,398
<i>Wunderbar!</i>

513
00:21:54,398 --> 00:21:56,984
It's a ruddy miracle.

514
00:21:58,026 --> 00:22:00,070
<i>Ja, ja, ja, ja.</i>

515
00:22:00,112 --> 00:22:02,531
OFFICER:
Mama Bear to Goldilocks,
Mama Bear to Goldilocks.

516
00:22:02,573 --> 00:22:04,324
Have picked up two packages--

517
00:22:04,366 --> 00:22:06,118
one large, one small--
as arranged.

518
00:22:06,160 --> 00:22:07,035
Will now proceed to post office.

519
00:22:07,077 --> 00:22:08,620
Over and out.

520
00:22:08,662 --> 00:22:09,746
That's it.

521
00:22:09,746 --> 00:22:11,248
They've picked up DuBois
and his daughter.

522
00:22:11,248 --> 00:22:12,082
Carter, get going.
Right.

523
00:22:13,625 --> 00:22:15,085
Frankly, <i>mon ami,</i>

524
00:22:15,085 --> 00:22:17,671
I-I was a little worried
about the catalytic factor,

525
00:22:17,713 --> 00:22:19,506
but... you say it works.

526
00:22:19,548 --> 00:22:20,883
Yes, <i>Liebchen,</i>

527
00:22:20,924 --> 00:22:24,720
and also breaks up
nasal congestion.

528
00:22:24,761 --> 00:22:28,307
Ah, he is <i>ein</i> genius.

529
00:22:28,348 --> 00:22:32,477
Oh, you've saved us hundreds
of hours of testing.

530
00:22:32,519 --> 00:22:33,979
I think.

531
00:22:34,021 --> 00:22:35,898
Professor DuBois...

532
00:22:35,939 --> 00:22:37,608
How dare you enter
this laboratory!

533
00:22:37,608 --> 00:22:39,484
Don't you know we have
a conference going on?!

534
00:22:39,526 --> 00:22:40,777
I'm sorry, sir.

535
00:22:40,777 --> 00:22:42,279
I, uh, just wanted
to let you know

536
00:22:42,321 --> 00:22:44,823
that two packages
have arrived safely.

537
00:22:44,865 --> 00:22:46,617
And not a minute too soon.

538
00:22:46,617 --> 00:22:47,993
New chemicals
we ordered.

539
00:22:48,035 --> 00:22:49,203
Oh, yeah.

540
00:22:49,244 --> 00:22:50,496
Uh, we must no longer
keep you

541
00:22:50,537 --> 00:22:51,371
from your experiments.

542
00:22:51,413 --> 00:22:52,623
Uh, Captain,

543
00:22:52,623 --> 00:22:53,916
we are going.

544
00:22:53,957 --> 00:22:55,125
<i>Ja, ja, ja, ja.</i>

545
00:22:55,167 --> 00:22:56,710
Oh, thank you.
<i>Ja, ja.</i>

546
00:22:56,752 --> 00:22:58,921
<i>Danke schon,</i> Herr Professor,
and I can see

547
00:22:58,962 --> 00:23:01,423
that everything here
is going nicely.

548
00:23:01,465 --> 00:23:03,717
Uh, indeed, it is.

549
00:23:03,759 --> 00:23:04,885
And we'll be
back tomorrow

550
00:23:04,927 --> 00:23:06,011
for some more
refreshments.

551
00:23:06,053 --> 00:23:08,263
Ah! I mean,
information.

552
00:23:08,305 --> 00:23:09,515
And you can
demonstrate

553
00:23:09,556 --> 00:23:11,183
for us your new
process, huh?

554
00:23:11,225 --> 00:23:12,726
<i>Ja? Ja.</i>

555
00:23:12,768 --> 00:23:13,644
<i>Auf Wiedersehen.</i>

556
00:23:13,644 --> 00:23:14,978
<i>Wiedersehen.</i>

557
00:23:15,145 --> 00:23:16,647
<i>Auf Wiedersehen.</i>

558
00:23:16,647 --> 00:23:17,981
ALTMAN:
<i>Auf Wiedersehen.</i>

559
00:23:18,023 --> 00:23:19,399
You brought it off!

560
00:23:19,441 --> 00:23:20,776
You were smashing!

561
00:23:20,817 --> 00:23:22,778
And that's how
you feel, huh?

562
00:23:22,819 --> 00:23:24,446
( <i>laughs</i> )
Oh...

563
00:23:24,488 --> 00:23:26,114
ALTMAN:
Uh, Professor DuBois,

564
00:23:26,156 --> 00:23:27,616
one more thing.

565
00:23:27,658 --> 00:23:28,951
A favor.

566
00:23:28,992 --> 00:23:31,119
If you have any more
of that emulsion left,

567
00:23:31,161 --> 00:23:33,497
would you be so kind
as to save it for me?

568
00:23:33,539 --> 00:23:34,790
Yes, but...

569
00:23:34,832 --> 00:23:37,084
I have a little
nasal congestion.

570
00:23:37,125 --> 00:23:38,126
( <i>sniffles</i> )

571
00:23:38,168 --> 00:23:39,336
<i>Auf Wiedersehen.</i>

572
00:23:39,336 --> 00:23:40,546
LeBEAU:
<i>Auf Wiedersehen.</i>

573
00:23:40,587 --> 00:23:41,839
NEWKIRK:
<i>Auf Wiedersehen.</i>

574
00:23:41,839 --> 00:23:43,799
You know something?

575
00:23:43,841 --> 00:23:45,050
It's a crazy war.

576
00:23:58,021 --> 00:23:59,356
All right, all right.

577
00:23:59,398 --> 00:24:00,858
We got away with
it, as you say,

578
00:24:00,858 --> 00:24:02,526
but I still haven't
found DuBois,

579
00:24:02,526 --> 00:24:03,944
and Altman will
be here tomorrow

580
00:24:03,986 --> 00:24:06,238
for another inspection
and a demonstration.

581
00:24:16,123 --> 00:24:17,666
Colonel, you worry too much.

582
00:24:17,708 --> 00:24:19,042
I worry?

583
00:24:19,042 --> 00:24:20,210
Your life is easy.

584
00:24:20,210 --> 00:24:21,503
You're only a
prisoner of war.

585
00:24:21,545 --> 00:24:23,630
No problem whatsoever.

586
00:24:23,672 --> 00:24:25,340
As Professor DuBois was killed

587
00:24:25,382 --> 00:24:27,843
in an explosion
in his laboratory.

588
00:24:27,885 --> 00:24:29,845
Well, in that
case, you are...

589
00:24:29,887 --> 00:24:31,889
Killed in his
laboratory? When?

590
00:24:31,889 --> 00:24:34,391
Five, four,

591
00:24:34,391 --> 00:24:36,977
three, two, one.

592
00:24:37,019 --> 00:24:39,062
( <i>loud explosion</i> )

593
00:24:41,732 --> 00:24:43,400
Any questions?

594
00:24:44,305 --> 00:24:50,381
 "(End of Episode)"

595
00:24:51,305 --> 00:25:51,220
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