1 00:00:04,046 --> 00:00:06,882 2 00:00:07,000 --> 00:00:13,074 3 00:00:15,000 --> 00:00:21,074 Advertise your product or brand here contact www.OpenSubtitles.org today 4 00:00:23,023 --> 00:00:27,319 5 00:01:12,030 --> 00:01:13,657 Well, howdy, friend. 6 00:01:13,657 --> 00:01:14,950 Shh! 7 00:01:14,992 --> 00:01:16,076 Howdy, monsieur. 8 00:01:16,118 --> 00:01:19,746 Jeb Winslow, Captain, 4l9th Fighter Squadron. 9 00:01:19,788 --> 00:01:21,039 I'm an American. 10 00:01:21,081 --> 00:01:22,624 Oh, really? 11 00:01:22,666 --> 00:01:25,586 Corporal LeBeau, Stalag 13. 12 00:01:25,627 --> 00:01:27,504 You from that big old ugly prison camp yonder? 13 00:01:27,546 --> 00:01:28,505 Yes, sir. 14 00:01:28,547 --> 00:01:30,257 We had a message from the underground. 15 00:01:30,299 --> 00:01:31,842 You got shot down near Dusseldorf? 16 00:01:31,842 --> 00:01:34,803 Some Kraut on the ground got my gas tank. 17 00:01:34,845 --> 00:01:36,889 I was coming down real fast, 18 00:01:36,930 --> 00:01:38,432 just like a great big bare-faced vulture, 19 00:01:38,473 --> 00:01:39,766 strafing a train, when all of a sudden that... 20 00:01:39,808 --> 00:01:41,268 Shh! 21 00:01:41,310 --> 00:01:44,146 Hey, Capitaine, is this going to be a long story? 22 00:01:44,188 --> 00:01:45,522 Huh? 23 00:01:45,522 --> 00:01:47,107 Colonel Hogan is waiting for you. 24 00:01:47,149 --> 00:01:50,527 Oh, okay, Shorty. 25 00:01:50,569 --> 00:01:52,279 Lead the way. 26 00:01:52,321 --> 00:01:53,363 All right, let's go. 27 00:01:57,201 --> 00:01:59,161 WINSLOW: Ooh-wee. 28 00:01:59,203 --> 00:02:01,038 Imagine sneaking into a prison camp 29 00:02:01,079 --> 00:02:02,873 just so you can sneak out again. 30 00:02:02,873 --> 00:02:04,541 C'est la guerre, uh? 31 00:02:04,625 --> 00:02:07,711 Hold on. That's French. 32 00:02:07,711 --> 00:02:10,547 I reckon so, stranger. 33 00:02:24,937 --> 00:02:27,231 Well, howdy. 34 00:02:27,231 --> 00:02:29,566 How'd you get him through the tunnel? 35 00:02:29,566 --> 00:02:32,110 Did you come by plane or horse? 36 00:02:32,152 --> 00:02:34,905 Oh, these here are my good luck flying clothes. 37 00:02:34,947 --> 00:02:36,365 Yeah, well if Sitting Bull 38 00:02:36,406 --> 00:02:37,783 gets in the war, you'll be all set. 39 00:02:40,577 --> 00:02:42,454 Uh, excuse me. 40 00:02:42,496 --> 00:02:44,873 You're the first Texan 41 00:02:44,915 --> 00:02:46,959 I've ever seen outside the cinema. 42 00:02:47,000 --> 00:02:48,752 It's quite a shock, you know. 43 00:02:48,752 --> 00:02:50,170 ( chuckling ) 44 00:02:50,212 --> 00:02:52,256 Hey, Captain, how many planes you shoot down? 45 00:02:52,297 --> 00:02:53,590 Oh, nine for dang sure. 46 00:02:53,590 --> 00:02:54,675 Three or four maybes. 47 00:02:54,716 --> 00:02:55,884 Hey, why don't we all go home 48 00:02:55,926 --> 00:02:57,719 and let him finish the war by himself. 49 00:02:57,761 --> 00:02:59,805 Hey, uh, Colonel, how soon you reckon 50 00:02:59,847 --> 00:03:01,640 I could get back to my squadron? 51 00:03:01,682 --> 00:03:03,141 Our radio man is making contact 52 00:03:03,183 --> 00:03:05,477 with a sub patrolling off the coast right now. 53 00:03:05,519 --> 00:03:07,187 Well, how about that? 54 00:03:07,229 --> 00:03:08,730 They'll arrange a rendezvous point 55 00:03:08,772 --> 00:03:10,107 and pick you up in 48 hours. 56 00:03:10,107 --> 00:03:11,733 KINCH: No, he won't. 57 00:03:11,775 --> 00:03:14,111 We had a short, blew out half the equipment. 58 00:03:14,152 --> 00:03:15,529 We can't send or receive. 59 00:03:15,571 --> 00:03:16,780 How long to fix it? 60 00:03:16,780 --> 00:03:17,948 It's impossible. 61 00:03:17,990 --> 00:03:19,074 We need new parts. 62 00:03:19,116 --> 00:03:20,826 All right, we'll get them for you-- make a list. 63 00:03:20,868 --> 00:03:22,077 Got it right here. 64 00:03:22,119 --> 00:03:24,162 WINSLOW: You're all going to get radio parts 65 00:03:24,204 --> 00:03:26,790 in the middle of Germany with a big old war going on? 66 00:03:26,832 --> 00:03:28,292 We got a contact in town-- 67 00:03:28,292 --> 00:03:29,960 bartender at the local hotel. 68 00:03:30,002 --> 00:03:32,045 Fellas, I'm going to need a volunteer 69 00:03:32,087 --> 00:03:34,006 to go into town to see the dentist. 70 00:03:34,047 --> 00:03:37,467 Hmm, I see, another stampede, huh? 71 00:03:37,467 --> 00:03:40,387 I'm sorry, I can only accept one volunteer. 72 00:03:40,429 --> 00:03:41,638 Sir, I... 73 00:03:41,638 --> 00:03:42,723 Thank you, Newkirk. 74 00:03:42,764 --> 00:03:44,308 No, I was only going to suggest Carter. 75 00:03:44,349 --> 00:03:46,226 Oh, thanks, pal. 76 00:03:46,268 --> 00:03:47,352 Nurse, will you assist him? 77 00:03:47,394 --> 00:03:48,353 Yes, sir. 78 00:03:48,395 --> 00:03:49,730 Now, if you'll please open wide? 79 00:03:49,771 --> 00:03:50,731 Open wide, please. 80 00:03:50,772 --> 00:03:51,815 This won't hurt. This won't hurt. 81 00:03:51,857 --> 00:03:54,735 Cotton. Cotton. 82 00:03:54,776 --> 00:03:55,736 There you are. 83 00:03:55,777 --> 00:03:57,571 Now have a toothache, and that's an order. 84 00:03:57,613 --> 00:04:00,240 ( indistinct mumbling ) 85 00:04:01,909 --> 00:04:03,493 Herr Kommandant, here they are. 86 00:04:03,493 --> 00:04:04,828 I will finish dictating 87 00:04:04,828 --> 00:04:06,872 those reports later, Fraulein Helga. 88 00:04:06,914 --> 00:04:08,332 Very good, Herr Colonel. 89 00:04:10,876 --> 00:04:13,670 You look beautiful today, baby. 90 00:04:13,712 --> 00:04:15,797 KLINK: Schultz! 91 00:04:15,839 --> 00:04:18,467 Jawohl, Herr Kommandant. 92 00:04:18,509 --> 00:04:20,761 Now, Colonel Hogan, a toothache, huh? 93 00:04:20,802 --> 00:04:22,137 Your men seem to have 94 00:04:22,179 --> 00:04:24,097 a lot of dental trouble lately. 95 00:04:24,139 --> 00:04:25,849 I think it's the sawdust in the bread, sir, 96 00:04:25,891 --> 00:04:28,018 but I guess if you want to make money on supplies, 97 00:04:28,060 --> 00:04:29,144 you've got to do that. 98 00:04:29,186 --> 00:04:31,188 Who told you that we put sawdust 99 00:04:31,188 --> 00:04:32,981 in the prisoners' bread? 100 00:04:33,023 --> 00:04:34,274 A little bird told me. 101 00:04:34,316 --> 00:04:35,359 That little bird 102 00:04:35,359 --> 00:04:38,111 may soon be flying off to the Russian front. 103 00:04:38,153 --> 00:04:41,073 I said nothing, Herr Kommandant, nothing. 104 00:04:41,114 --> 00:04:42,824 ( groans with disgust ) 105 00:04:42,866 --> 00:04:44,701 Does it hurt? 106 00:04:44,701 --> 00:04:45,869 Oh, the pain is terrible. 107 00:04:45,911 --> 00:04:47,329 Let him speak for himself. 108 00:04:47,371 --> 00:04:48,830 ( mumbling ) 109 00:04:48,872 --> 00:04:50,415 That's plain enough for anybody. 110 00:04:50,457 --> 00:04:52,709 Now, how did I know this is a genuine toothache? 111 00:04:52,709 --> 00:04:53,710 Open your mouth. 112 00:04:53,710 --> 00:04:56,296 Ah-ha, mouth stuffed with cotton. 113 00:04:56,338 --> 00:04:58,841 That's to keep the tooth warm. 114 00:04:58,882 --> 00:05:00,384 Why, of course. 115 00:05:00,384 --> 00:05:03,887 Don't you give me any credit for having any brains. 116 00:05:03,929 --> 00:05:05,055 I refuse to answer 117 00:05:05,097 --> 00:05:06,723 on the grounds that I might tell the truth. 118 00:05:06,723 --> 00:05:07,850 ( snickers ) 119 00:05:07,891 --> 00:05:09,017 KLINK: Schultz! 120 00:05:09,059 --> 00:05:11,478 If I agree to let him go to the dentist, 121 00:05:11,520 --> 00:05:14,898 what guarantee do I have that he will not try to escape. 122 00:05:14,940 --> 00:05:15,941 You have my word. 123 00:05:15,983 --> 00:05:17,025 ( mumbles ) 124 00:05:17,067 --> 00:05:17,943 He agrees. 125 00:05:17,985 --> 00:05:18,986 I heard him. 126 00:05:19,027 --> 00:05:20,487 All right. 127 00:05:20,529 --> 00:05:21,530 I'll give him a pass. 128 00:05:21,572 --> 00:05:23,365 Now, Schultz, you take him 129 00:05:23,407 --> 00:05:25,909 straight to the dentist in Hamilburg 130 00:05:25,951 --> 00:05:27,494 and then straight back here 131 00:05:27,536 --> 00:05:29,413 without any detours, understood? 132 00:05:29,454 --> 00:05:31,039 Understood, Herr Kommandant. 133 00:05:31,081 --> 00:05:33,959 And you will stay with him at all times, 134 00:05:34,001 --> 00:05:35,919 even while the dentist treats him. 135 00:05:35,961 --> 00:05:39,798 Sir, the dentist might pull his tooth. 136 00:05:39,840 --> 00:05:40,841 So? 137 00:05:40,883 --> 00:05:43,719 I can't stand the sight of blood. 138 00:05:43,760 --> 00:05:45,512 Imbecile! 139 00:05:45,554 --> 00:05:49,016 How did you ever get into the German army? 140 00:05:49,057 --> 00:05:50,142 I think he lied about his weight. 141 00:05:55,939 --> 00:05:57,399 No, no. 142 00:05:57,441 --> 00:05:59,401 The order was straight to the dentist 143 00:05:59,443 --> 00:06:00,944 and then straight back home. 144 00:06:00,986 --> 00:06:02,696 Schultz, you can't deny a man 145 00:06:02,738 --> 00:06:05,282 a bit of schnapps before a visit to the dentist. 146 00:06:05,282 --> 00:06:06,742 It's inhuman. 147 00:06:06,783 --> 00:06:08,327 Look, one drink. 148 00:06:08,368 --> 00:06:09,912 One drink, now, come on. 149 00:06:09,953 --> 00:06:12,331 You'll have a beer. 150 00:06:12,372 --> 00:06:14,124 Ein bier. 151 00:06:14,124 --> 00:06:15,292 BARTENDER: Yes, sir. 152 00:06:15,292 --> 00:06:17,127 And I'll have a wee drop of whiskey. 153 00:06:17,127 --> 00:06:18,837 Now don't worry. Don't worry. 154 00:06:18,879 --> 00:06:19,796 All right. 155 00:06:19,796 --> 00:06:20,923 Hello, chum. 156 00:06:20,964 --> 00:06:22,299 Wie gehts and all that. 157 00:06:22,341 --> 00:06:25,469 Oh, that's that lovely tub of beer for my friend. 158 00:06:25,469 --> 00:06:28,263 A wee drop of whiskey for me, please. 159 00:06:28,305 --> 00:06:30,307 Whiskey, sir. Yes. 160 00:06:30,474 --> 00:06:32,726 The good stuff, right. 161 00:06:32,768 --> 00:06:37,564 ( whispering ): Radio parts. 162 00:06:37,606 --> 00:06:39,274 We need them right away. 163 00:06:41,318 --> 00:06:42,653 Here we go then. 164 00:06:42,694 --> 00:06:45,822 Ooh, this stuff looks good enough to drink. 165 00:06:48,283 --> 00:06:51,203 Ah... prosit. 166 00:06:51,245 --> 00:06:53,288 Well, if you say so. 167 00:07:02,172 --> 00:07:02,881 ( slurps ) 168 00:07:03,298 --> 00:07:04,508 Ah... 169 00:07:04,508 --> 00:07:07,886 Oh, this is good, strong beer. 170 00:07:07,928 --> 00:07:10,556 Nothing too good for our boys in uniform. 171 00:07:10,597 --> 00:07:12,516 ( chuckling ) 172 00:07:12,558 --> 00:07:14,142 Is that an officer back there? 173 00:07:14,184 --> 00:07:16,019 Where? 174 00:07:16,061 --> 00:07:18,021 I see nothing. 175 00:07:18,063 --> 00:07:19,439 It's my mistake. 176 00:07:19,481 --> 00:07:21,149 I'm a bit jumpy, I guess. 177 00:07:21,191 --> 00:07:22,943 Oh, don't scare me like that. 178 00:07:22,985 --> 00:07:26,071 Prosit. 179 00:07:26,113 --> 00:07:27,072 Prosit. 180 00:07:32,494 --> 00:07:35,581 Excuse me, sir. 181 00:07:35,622 --> 00:07:40,294 What time does this train get to Dusseldorf? 182 00:07:40,335 --> 00:07:42,045 I'll let you know. 183 00:07:42,087 --> 00:07:44,006 Thank you very much, sir. 184 00:07:47,342 --> 00:07:48,802 Ah... 185 00:07:48,844 --> 00:07:50,888 Very good beer in this place, 186 00:07:50,888 --> 00:07:53,390 but the glasses are terrible. 187 00:08:02,482 --> 00:08:04,651 Thanks, chum. 188 00:08:04,693 --> 00:08:06,904 Lend us a hand, will you? 189 00:08:06,945 --> 00:08:08,697 Come on, Schultz. 190 00:08:08,739 --> 00:08:10,324 Come on, the party's over. 191 00:08:10,365 --> 00:08:11,408 Look alive, now. 192 00:08:11,450 --> 00:08:13,577 You go to the dentist. I wait for you here. 193 00:08:13,577 --> 00:08:15,537 Been to the dentist. Look, look. 194 00:08:15,579 --> 00:08:16,872 The swelling, it's gone. 195 00:08:16,914 --> 00:08:18,165 Now, come on. 196 00:08:18,207 --> 00:08:19,750 Send the bill to Klink. 197 00:08:19,791 --> 00:08:21,168 ( laughs ) 198 00:08:21,210 --> 00:08:24,087 Big shot, Klink. 199 00:08:24,129 --> 00:08:26,089 Blimey, he's a load. 200 00:08:26,131 --> 00:08:29,009 I may have to roll him back to camp. 201 00:08:31,678 --> 00:08:35,224 ( singing in German ) 202 00:08:46,610 --> 00:08:48,278 Hey, was ist los? 203 00:08:48,320 --> 00:08:50,113 Open up. Open up. Schnell. 204 00:08:50,155 --> 00:08:51,448 Hello, Hans. 205 00:08:51,448 --> 00:08:52,950 We went to the dentist. 206 00:08:52,991 --> 00:08:55,160 We had a marvelous time. 207 00:08:55,202 --> 00:08:57,120 You want Klink on us? 208 00:08:57,120 --> 00:09:00,791 Ah, Kommandant Klink, Mr. Big Shot. 209 00:09:00,833 --> 00:09:03,043 Stop that. Stop that. 210 00:09:03,085 --> 00:09:05,087 Stop that flipping noise. 211 00:09:05,128 --> 00:09:06,296 If Klink hears us, 212 00:09:06,296 --> 00:09:08,215 he'll make all kinds of trouble for you tomorrow. 213 00:09:08,257 --> 00:09:08,841 Shh. 214 00:09:12,761 --> 00:09:14,429 Sergeant Schultz! 215 00:09:14,471 --> 00:09:16,390 Well, here it is tomorrow. 216 00:09:16,431 --> 00:09:18,809 Hello, Big Shot. 217 00:09:20,102 --> 00:09:24,940 I mean jawohl, Kommandant Big Shot. 218 00:09:24,982 --> 00:09:27,943 I mean, uh... forget it. 219 00:09:27,985 --> 00:09:28,986 Anything wrong? 220 00:09:28,986 --> 00:09:29,987 Never mind, Hogan. 221 00:09:29,987 --> 00:09:31,154 HOGAN: I thought one of my men 222 00:09:31,196 --> 00:09:32,489 might be in trouble, sir, 223 00:09:32,489 --> 00:09:33,866 but I can see it's one of yours. 224 00:09:34,992 --> 00:09:35,951 Oh, this man 225 00:09:35,993 --> 00:09:37,661 is obviously not well, sir. 226 00:09:37,661 --> 00:09:39,329 Careful of the fumes, sir. 227 00:09:39,329 --> 00:09:40,747 On your feet, Dummkopf. 228 00:09:44,126 --> 00:09:51,008 Request permission to fall flat on my face if necessary. 229 00:09:51,049 --> 00:09:54,511 Seven hours ago you left this camp to go to the dentist. 230 00:09:54,553 --> 00:09:58,307 Seven hours at the dentist? 231 00:09:58,348 --> 00:09:59,766 It was a very big tooth, sir. 232 00:09:59,808 --> 00:10:00,976 KLINK: Silence. 233 00:10:01,018 --> 00:10:04,646 Now a prisoner has to bring you back-- drunk. 234 00:10:04,688 --> 00:10:06,523 Well, at least Newkirk is sober. 235 00:10:06,523 --> 00:10:07,983 Yes, sir. Pity, ain't it? 236 00:10:08,025 --> 00:10:10,319 I will be sober by tomorrow, sir. 237 00:10:10,402 --> 00:10:11,987 KLINK: Oh, yes, Schultz. 238 00:10:12,029 --> 00:10:15,574 You will also walk a guard post outside the wire, 239 00:10:15,616 --> 00:10:19,703 back and forth, where it's cold and lonely. 240 00:10:19,703 --> 00:10:21,455 But that will only be temporary. 241 00:10:21,497 --> 00:10:23,499 Thank you, sir. 242 00:10:23,540 --> 00:10:26,084 Until the sergeant who replaces you 243 00:10:26,126 --> 00:10:28,086 arrives from headquarters. 244 00:10:28,128 --> 00:10:30,839 And then our favorite drunken fool 245 00:10:30,881 --> 00:10:33,050 will be transferred to the command 246 00:10:33,091 --> 00:10:36,094 of some other lucky officer. 247 00:10:36,136 --> 00:10:37,930 ( groans with disgust ) 248 00:10:41,016 --> 00:10:43,227 Ach du lieber. 249 00:10:43,268 --> 00:10:44,520 He's gone now, Schultz. 250 00:10:44,561 --> 00:10:46,230 It's okay to fall on your face. 251 00:10:46,271 --> 00:10:48,524 Ach du lieber. 252 00:10:48,565 --> 00:10:50,609 * Ach du lieber... * 253 00:10:57,824 --> 00:11:00,827 Old Schultz is really suffering out there. 254 00:11:00,869 --> 00:11:04,039 He looks like a Zeppelin with empty gas bags. 255 00:11:04,081 --> 00:11:05,749 I talked to him a little while ago. 256 00:11:05,749 --> 00:11:10,128 All he said was, "Mein feet are killing me." 257 00:11:10,170 --> 00:11:12,422 Colonel, do you think Klink will really transfer him out? 258 00:11:12,464 --> 00:11:13,549 I hope not. 259 00:11:13,590 --> 00:11:14,883 It took a long time to train Schultz. 260 00:11:14,925 --> 00:11:16,718 He sits up and begs for my strudel. 261 00:11:16,760 --> 00:11:18,428 Yeah? 262 00:11:18,470 --> 00:11:19,429 Who's this? 263 00:11:25,227 --> 00:11:27,938 Herr Kommandant, Sergeant Ernst Krebs 264 00:11:27,980 --> 00:11:30,524 reporting for duty as ordered, sir! 265 00:11:30,566 --> 00:11:33,569 At ease, Sergeant. 266 00:11:35,571 --> 00:11:36,613 There's your answer. 267 00:11:36,655 --> 00:11:38,031 That's Schultz's replacement. 268 00:11:38,073 --> 00:11:41,118 He barks like a ruddy seal. 269 00:11:41,159 --> 00:11:43,996 Yeah, he looks very G.I. to me. 270 00:11:44,037 --> 00:11:45,205 Let's find out. 271 00:11:45,247 --> 00:11:47,332 Try him on for size, Carter, 272 00:11:47,374 --> 00:11:48,500 but take it easy. 273 00:11:48,542 --> 00:11:49,751 Okay. 274 00:11:49,793 --> 00:11:51,128 KLINK: Things run very smoothly 275 00:11:51,420 --> 00:11:52,421 here, Sergeant. 276 00:11:52,462 --> 00:11:55,591 We have never even had an escape at Stalag 13. 277 00:11:55,632 --> 00:11:57,259 Hiya, Colonel. How's the boy? 278 00:11:57,301 --> 00:12:00,804 Halt! 279 00:12:00,846 --> 00:12:03,473 Is that the way you talk to the commanding officer, 280 00:12:03,473 --> 00:12:04,433 "How's the boy?" 281 00:12:04,474 --> 00:12:05,976 Well, see, we're old friends... 282 00:12:05,976 --> 00:12:08,312 Come to attention! 283 00:12:08,353 --> 00:12:09,813 Eyes front. 284 00:12:09,855 --> 00:12:11,899 Salute. 285 00:12:11,940 --> 00:12:14,151 Carter, this is a new broom. 286 00:12:14,151 --> 00:12:15,194 Well, sir... 287 00:12:15,235 --> 00:12:17,779 Do as he says, or this new broom 288 00:12:17,821 --> 00:12:20,824 will sweep you right into the cooler. 289 00:12:20,824 --> 00:12:21,491 Yes, sir. 290 00:12:23,243 --> 00:12:25,204 Sergeant Krebs, follow me. 291 00:12:32,586 --> 00:12:35,506 Three days before we can get a message to London, sir? 292 00:12:35,506 --> 00:12:37,382 That's about the size of it. 293 00:12:37,424 --> 00:12:39,009 Close it up down there. 294 00:12:39,009 --> 00:12:40,677 We got bigger troubles anyway. 295 00:12:40,677 --> 00:12:42,513 This new Sergeant is a bloodhound. 296 00:12:42,513 --> 00:12:44,765 If we lose Schultz and get stuck with him 297 00:12:44,806 --> 00:12:47,226 our whole operation could be out of business. 298 00:12:47,267 --> 00:12:49,520 Well, maybe we can tame him if he likes strudel. 299 00:12:49,520 --> 00:12:51,021 Come on, it took us six months 300 00:12:51,021 --> 00:12:52,773 to get Schultz to look the other way. 301 00:12:52,814 --> 00:12:54,358 And he's got no character at all. 302 00:12:54,358 --> 00:12:55,526 Watch it, somebody's coming. 303 00:12:55,526 --> 00:12:57,110 Scramble. 304 00:12:59,279 --> 00:13:00,531 Hi, Schultz. 305 00:13:00,531 --> 00:13:01,532 How are you? 306 00:13:01,532 --> 00:13:03,784 Eight hours I walked today. 307 00:13:03,825 --> 00:13:07,371 Come on, sit down, Schultz, rest your bones. 308 00:13:07,371 --> 00:13:08,622 Oh. Aw. 309 00:13:08,664 --> 00:13:09,790 You all pooped out, huh? 310 00:13:09,832 --> 00:13:11,041 Oh, I'm double pooped out. 311 00:13:11,083 --> 00:13:13,585 I'm going to be pooped out for the rest of my life. 312 00:13:13,627 --> 00:13:15,546 And tomorrow I have to walk again. 313 00:13:15,587 --> 00:13:16,630 Oh, tough go, Schultz. 314 00:13:16,672 --> 00:13:18,340 LeBeau, please, could I have 315 00:13:18,382 --> 00:13:21,051 some of the foot powder the Red Cross gave you? 316 00:13:21,093 --> 00:13:22,594 Sure. 317 00:13:22,636 --> 00:13:24,763 One thing I don't understand-- 318 00:13:24,805 --> 00:13:28,225 how could I get so drunk on one glass of beer? 319 00:13:28,225 --> 00:13:31,186 Never drink on an empty stomach, Schultz. 320 00:13:31,228 --> 00:13:32,563 You call this empty? 321 00:13:32,729 --> 00:13:34,147 Cheer, up, Schultz. 322 00:13:34,189 --> 00:13:36,984 Maybe they'll send you to a good post. 323 00:13:37,025 --> 00:13:39,403 Or maybe they're going to send me to the Russian Front. 324 00:13:39,444 --> 00:13:41,905 If they transfer you close to home, 325 00:13:41,905 --> 00:13:44,908 you'll be able to see your wife more often. 326 00:13:44,950 --> 00:13:49,079 All of a sudden the Russian Front sounds very good. 327 00:13:51,498 --> 00:13:54,710 Any of you fellas got a cigarette for a buddy? 328 00:13:54,751 --> 00:13:56,753 Yeah, here, old buddy. 329 00:13:56,753 --> 00:13:58,172 Light? 330 00:13:58,213 --> 00:13:59,715 Oh, here, here. 331 00:14:04,553 --> 00:14:07,389 Well, I'll see you men all later, huh? 332 00:14:07,431 --> 00:14:11,810 Hold it. Hold it. 333 00:14:11,894 --> 00:14:12,853 Who is this? 334 00:14:12,895 --> 00:14:14,438 Captain Jeb Winslow. 335 00:14:14,479 --> 00:14:16,106 Guten abend, buddy. 336 00:14:16,148 --> 00:14:17,566 Nice to meet you. 337 00:14:17,608 --> 00:14:19,985 Well, auf Wiedersehen, y'all. 338 00:14:20,027 --> 00:14:21,028 Halt. Hold it. 339 00:14:21,069 --> 00:14:24,114 Schultz, what about another cup of coffee. 340 00:14:24,156 --> 00:14:25,282 Go away. 341 00:14:25,282 --> 00:14:26,783 A nice cup of foot powder? 342 00:14:26,783 --> 00:14:27,784 Ah-ha, Winslow. 343 00:14:27,826 --> 00:14:30,120 He was never on the roll call. 344 00:14:30,162 --> 00:14:32,915 Schultz, he's only passing through. 345 00:14:32,956 --> 00:14:33,790 Ah-ha, a spy. 346 00:14:34,082 --> 00:14:35,292 In uniform? 347 00:14:35,292 --> 00:14:37,961 Wait a minute. Wait a minute. 348 00:14:38,003 --> 00:14:43,675 There was a plane shot down near Dusseldorf the other day. 349 00:14:43,717 --> 00:14:44,968 They got my gas tank. 350 00:14:45,010 --> 00:14:47,137 I was coming for a strafing real... 351 00:14:47,137 --> 00:14:48,972 All right, Captain, pipe down. 352 00:14:49,014 --> 00:14:51,683 This is my lucky break. 353 00:14:51,725 --> 00:14:52,935 How do you figure that? 354 00:14:52,976 --> 00:14:55,145 Well, if I turn him in to Klink, 355 00:14:55,145 --> 00:14:57,981 he's going to tear up my transfer papers. 356 00:14:57,981 --> 00:14:59,650 Good thinking, Schultz. 357 00:14:59,650 --> 00:15:02,778 Yeah, my feet might be dead, but not my brain. 358 00:15:02,819 --> 00:15:05,155 Fine, and when Klink starts to figure out 359 00:15:05,197 --> 00:15:08,659 how he got into camp while you were Sergeant of the Guard, 360 00:15:08,659 --> 00:15:11,078 you get a chance to use your brain again-- 361 00:15:11,119 --> 00:15:12,412 at your court-martial. 362 00:15:12,496 --> 00:15:13,997 Please, don't confuse me. 363 00:15:13,997 --> 00:15:16,166 Face it, buddy, you're up the creek. 364 00:15:16,208 --> 00:15:19,044 No matter what I do, I cannot be smart. 365 00:15:19,086 --> 00:15:21,004 But I have to turn him in. 366 00:15:21,004 --> 00:15:22,297 Go, go, go. 367 00:15:22,339 --> 00:15:24,007 Schultz, we'll work a deal with you. 368 00:15:24,007 --> 00:15:25,008 Forget you saw him, 369 00:15:25,050 --> 00:15:26,718 and we'll get rid of Sergeant Krebs. 370 00:15:26,760 --> 00:15:28,512 That way Klink will have to keep you. 371 00:15:28,554 --> 00:15:29,680 How can you do that? 372 00:15:29,721 --> 00:15:30,889 We'll think of something. 373 00:15:30,931 --> 00:15:33,225 But, but, but... Klink already signed 374 00:15:33,267 --> 00:15:34,351 my transfer papers. 375 00:15:34,351 --> 00:15:36,144 Corporal Langenscheidt told me. 376 00:15:36,186 --> 00:15:37,896 He signed them, but they never left camp. 377 00:15:37,938 --> 00:15:39,022 How do you know? 378 00:15:39,022 --> 00:15:40,691 Mm-hmm. 379 00:15:41,859 --> 00:15:44,444 "Name: 380 00:15:44,486 --> 00:15:46,530 "Schultz, Hans. 381 00:15:46,572 --> 00:15:49,199 Rank: sergeant, grade one..." 382 00:15:49,199 --> 00:15:50,868 Radio? You found a radio? 383 00:15:50,868 --> 00:15:52,703 That's against regulations. 384 00:15:52,703 --> 00:15:54,621 Shh. I wouldn't tell you this, 385 00:15:54,663 --> 00:15:56,206 except you're a new man, 386 00:15:56,248 --> 00:15:59,710 and I'd like to see you make a few points with Klink. 387 00:15:59,751 --> 00:16:01,336 Where is this radio? 388 00:16:05,924 --> 00:16:07,217 Yeah... ( chuckles ) 389 00:16:07,217 --> 00:16:08,218 Homemade. 390 00:16:08,218 --> 00:16:09,636 That's the best kind. 391 00:16:09,678 --> 00:16:12,306 Somebody will get the cooler for this. 392 00:16:12,347 --> 00:16:13,473 It works on a battery. 393 00:16:13,515 --> 00:16:14,766 Very clever. 394 00:16:14,808 --> 00:16:18,478 Klink will love you for this. 395 00:16:18,520 --> 00:16:20,063 Sehr gut. 396 00:16:20,105 --> 00:16:21,315 I won't forget it. 397 00:16:23,692 --> 00:16:26,737 I know you won't... pal. 398 00:16:26,778 --> 00:16:30,657 So, our new broom, Sergeant Krebs, sweeps again. 399 00:16:30,699 --> 00:16:32,492 Danke, Herr Kommandant. I try. 400 00:16:32,534 --> 00:16:36,330 I shall start an investigation right away. 401 00:16:36,371 --> 00:16:37,581 Jawohl, Herr Kommandant. 402 00:16:37,623 --> 00:16:39,124 Obviously homemade. 403 00:16:39,166 --> 00:16:40,667 It is amazing to me 404 00:16:40,709 --> 00:16:44,755 how ingenious these prisoners can be when they try. 405 00:16:44,796 --> 00:16:45,923 Jawohl, that is true, sir. 406 00:16:54,932 --> 00:16:56,683 Yes... 407 00:16:56,725 --> 00:17:00,020 very ingenious. 408 00:17:05,067 --> 00:17:09,196 Hello. Hello, Colonel. 409 00:17:09,238 --> 00:17:12,282 Can you hear me? 410 00:17:12,324 --> 00:17:14,785 Hello. Colonel Hogan. 411 00:17:14,785 --> 00:17:15,744 This is Kinch. 412 00:17:15,786 --> 00:17:17,120 Can you read me? 413 00:17:17,162 --> 00:17:18,413 Hello, Colonel. 414 00:17:18,455 --> 00:17:20,123 If you can hear me, 415 00:17:20,123 --> 00:17:22,960 the tunnel is too near the surface. 416 00:17:23,001 --> 00:17:26,255 Hello, Colonel. 417 00:17:26,296 --> 00:17:28,924 Colonel. Hello. 418 00:17:33,804 --> 00:17:35,639 Are you sure this is the spot, Sergeant? 419 00:17:35,639 --> 00:17:36,640 Ja, Herr Kommandant. 420 00:17:36,640 --> 00:17:38,642 He was talking to someone under the ground. 421 00:17:38,642 --> 00:17:41,144 Incredible. Simply incredible. 422 00:17:41,144 --> 00:17:42,312 Kommandant... 423 00:17:42,354 --> 00:17:43,480 step over here. 424 00:17:43,480 --> 00:17:46,233 You can still see his handprints in the dirt. 425 00:17:46,275 --> 00:17:48,360 Ah-ha, now we're getting somewhere. 426 00:17:53,657 --> 00:17:55,492 Confirm pickup point M-12, 48 hours. 427 00:17:55,534 --> 00:17:58,203 Well, the Lone Ranger's going home to his squadron, men. 428 00:17:58,245 --> 00:18:00,330 How do we get him out of camp, Colonel? 429 00:18:00,372 --> 00:18:01,415 The emergency tunnel. 430 00:18:01,456 --> 00:18:03,667 With Sergeant Krebs on our backs every minute? 431 00:18:03,709 --> 00:18:05,169 Mm-hmm. 432 00:18:05,210 --> 00:18:06,712 Yes, what do we do about him? 433 00:18:06,753 --> 00:18:08,755 Every night he does a little listening 434 00:18:08,797 --> 00:18:10,174 outside the windows, right? 435 00:18:10,174 --> 00:18:11,175 ( all agreeing ) 436 00:18:11,216 --> 00:18:13,010 Tonight he's going to hear something, 437 00:18:13,010 --> 00:18:14,761 and then we'll be on his back for a change. 438 00:18:21,435 --> 00:18:24,188 Hey, Newkirk, I just spoke to the colonel. 439 00:18:24,229 --> 00:18:25,230 What's up? 440 00:18:25,314 --> 00:18:26,607 LeBEAU: Tomorrow night. 441 00:18:26,648 --> 00:18:28,400 NEWKIRK: Tomorrow night? Where? 442 00:18:28,442 --> 00:18:29,359 LeBEAU: From here. 443 00:18:29,401 --> 00:18:31,904 Let me see if I've got that right. 444 00:18:31,945 --> 00:18:33,906 Tomorrow night from here? 445 00:18:33,947 --> 00:18:35,866 Hi, fellas. What's cooking? 446 00:18:35,908 --> 00:18:37,201 Shh. Shh. 447 00:18:37,201 --> 00:18:39,661 LeBeau just got the word. Tomorrow night. 448 00:18:39,703 --> 00:18:41,288 CARTER: No kidding? Tomorrow night? 449 00:18:41,455 --> 00:18:41,914 LeBEAU: From here. 450 00:18:41,955 --> 00:18:43,415 CARTER: No kidding? 451 00:18:43,457 --> 00:18:44,374 Tomorrow night? From here? 452 00:18:44,416 --> 00:18:45,584 Check. 453 00:18:45,626 --> 00:18:46,293 Check. 454 00:18:46,335 --> 00:18:47,544 Check. 455 00:18:47,586 --> 00:18:48,629 Check. 456 00:18:53,342 --> 00:18:54,259 Guten tag. 457 00:18:54,301 --> 00:18:55,427 Oh, hi, Sarge. 458 00:18:55,469 --> 00:18:59,056 Hey, listen, I'm really sorry about that trick radio. 459 00:18:59,097 --> 00:19:02,100 Why, the guys really pulled a fast one on me. 460 00:19:02,142 --> 00:19:04,353 Ja, ja, well, I give you chance 461 00:19:04,394 --> 00:19:05,896 to make up for that. 462 00:19:05,896 --> 00:19:08,315 I, uh... I need some information. 463 00:19:08,357 --> 00:19:09,399 What do you mean? 464 00:19:09,441 --> 00:19:10,567 I've heard a rumor 465 00:19:10,567 --> 00:19:12,986 there is something on for tonight. 466 00:19:13,028 --> 00:19:15,239 Do you know anything about this? 467 00:19:15,239 --> 00:19:16,949 You mean like an escape? 468 00:19:16,990 --> 00:19:18,534 Possibly. 469 00:19:18,575 --> 00:19:21,620 Where do you come off asking me a question like that? 470 00:19:21,662 --> 00:19:23,539 Just because I turned a radio in, 471 00:19:23,580 --> 00:19:26,041 don't think I'm going to rat on my buddies. 472 00:19:26,083 --> 00:19:27,918 Now, you get this straight, pal, 473 00:19:28,001 --> 00:19:29,753 I'm no fink and don't ever forget it. 474 00:19:29,753 --> 00:19:30,921 Take it easy. 475 00:19:30,921 --> 00:19:32,506 What a nerve. 476 00:19:32,548 --> 00:19:34,591 Oh, by the way, Sarge, 477 00:19:34,591 --> 00:19:36,593 if I don't ever see you again after tonight, 478 00:19:36,635 --> 00:19:38,053 it's been a real pleasure knowing you. 479 00:19:50,482 --> 00:19:51,608 He's posting the guard. 480 00:19:51,608 --> 00:19:53,110 HOGAN: All right, he'll be here in a minute. 481 00:19:53,151 --> 00:19:54,570 He'll stick with us, you can bet on that. 482 00:19:54,611 --> 00:19:55,779 Everybody got the plan straight? 483 00:19:55,779 --> 00:19:57,447 Yeah, the captain gets in the tunnel and waits. 484 00:19:57,489 --> 00:19:58,740 As soon as the alarm goes, 485 00:19:58,782 --> 00:19:59,783 I guide him through to the woods. 486 00:19:59,825 --> 00:20:01,285 Right. Now make sure Krebs is out of the way 487 00:20:01,285 --> 00:20:02,536 before you move. 488 00:20:02,578 --> 00:20:04,121 Carter, you and LeBeau get in my office 489 00:20:04,163 --> 00:20:05,455 as soon as you can. 490 00:20:05,455 --> 00:20:07,124 We'll use the window to get out. Right. 491 00:20:07,124 --> 00:20:10,043 Ah-ha. I'm going back to little old England. 492 00:20:10,085 --> 00:20:11,086 And next time you're captured, 493 00:20:11,128 --> 00:20:13,130 find yourself another POW camp. 494 00:20:13,172 --> 00:20:14,965 He made me barbecue K rations for him. 495 00:20:15,007 --> 00:20:17,467 Americans. 496 00:20:17,467 --> 00:20:18,635 He's moving this way. 497 00:20:18,677 --> 00:20:20,721 All right, Lone Ranger, hide in the tunnel. 498 00:20:20,762 --> 00:20:22,890 Hi-ho, Silver. 499 00:20:24,308 --> 00:20:25,475 Newkirk, get started. 500 00:20:25,475 --> 00:20:26,435 Right. 501 00:20:26,476 --> 00:20:27,519 Now, let me show you a trick. 502 00:20:27,561 --> 00:20:28,979 All right. 503 00:20:29,021 --> 00:20:30,981 This one is always a crowd pleaser. 504 00:20:30,981 --> 00:20:32,316 Take a card. 505 00:20:32,316 --> 00:20:33,442 Guten abend, gentlemen. 506 00:20:33,483 --> 00:20:34,818 Put it back. I don't want to see it. 507 00:20:34,860 --> 00:20:35,652 I don't want to see it. Okay. 508 00:20:35,694 --> 00:20:36,445 All right? Yeah. 509 00:20:36,486 --> 00:20:37,654 Very quiet this evening, huh? 510 00:20:37,696 --> 00:20:39,489 Right. Go ahead. 511 00:20:39,489 --> 00:20:41,825 Oh, that's fabulous. How do you do it? 512 00:20:41,825 --> 00:20:44,495 Evening. Evening. Oh, that's great. 513 00:20:44,495 --> 00:20:46,330 Oh, how's that...? 514 00:20:46,330 --> 00:20:47,915 Hello, hello, hello, hello. 515 00:20:47,956 --> 00:20:50,626 I thought there was one missing. 516 00:20:50,667 --> 00:20:52,044 That's too much! Too much! 517 00:20:52,085 --> 00:20:54,421 I tell you, this man's a walking deck of cards. 518 00:20:54,463 --> 00:20:55,464 Can you believe it? 519 00:20:55,506 --> 00:20:56,423 Let me show you. 520 00:20:56,465 --> 00:20:57,633 You'll like this trick. 521 00:20:57,674 --> 00:20:58,675 Do that again. 522 00:20:58,717 --> 00:20:59,676 Come here. Now watch this. 523 00:20:59,676 --> 00:21:00,844 I want you to take any card at all. 524 00:21:00,886 --> 00:21:01,845 Come here, any card at all. 525 00:21:01,845 --> 00:21:03,847 Any card. 526 00:21:03,847 --> 00:21:04,848 Don't let me see it. 527 00:21:04,848 --> 00:21:06,058 I don't want to see it, right. 528 00:21:06,099 --> 00:21:07,601 Right, put it back, put it back. 529 00:21:07,643 --> 00:21:08,602 I put it back. 530 00:21:08,644 --> 00:21:10,479 Just remember it, right, put it back. 531 00:21:10,521 --> 00:21:11,939 Mix them up. There you go. 532 00:21:11,980 --> 00:21:13,774 I'm going to think of that card. 533 00:21:13,815 --> 00:21:16,235 Think of that card. Right. 534 00:21:16,276 --> 00:21:17,528 Cut 'em once. 535 00:21:17,569 --> 00:21:20,113 That's your card, isn't it? 536 00:21:20,155 --> 00:21:21,865 Listen, there must be a trick to that, huh? 537 00:21:21,865 --> 00:21:23,700 Oh, I never said there wasn't a trick to it, did I? 538 00:21:23,700 --> 00:21:24,701 Do it again. 539 00:21:29,998 --> 00:21:31,667 Was it the eight of diamonds? 540 00:21:31,708 --> 00:21:33,710 Ja, it was the eight of diamonds. 541 00:21:33,710 --> 00:21:34,503 Isn't that fantastic? 542 00:21:42,886 --> 00:21:43,929 Do it-- do it again. Do it again. 543 00:21:44,263 --> 00:21:45,222 Do it again. 544 00:21:45,264 --> 00:21:46,223 Okay, all right. 545 00:21:46,265 --> 00:21:47,391 You have nothing up your...? 546 00:21:50,561 --> 00:21:52,563 Halt. 547 00:21:52,604 --> 00:21:54,648 Hold it, Schultz, it's only us. 548 00:21:54,690 --> 00:21:57,609 What are you doing here? 549 00:21:57,651 --> 00:21:58,735 We're escaping, buddy. 550 00:21:58,735 --> 00:22:00,153 And you're going to catch us. 551 00:22:00,195 --> 00:22:01,530 I am? 552 00:22:01,572 --> 00:22:03,866 Then Klink forgets the transfer, and you're a big shot. 553 00:22:03,907 --> 00:22:06,243 Yeah, yeah, yeah. Start yelling, Schultz, for the dogs. 554 00:22:06,243 --> 00:22:07,244 SCHULTZ: No, no, no. 555 00:22:07,244 --> 00:22:10,497 With my luck, nothing works. 556 00:22:10,539 --> 00:22:12,666 Some people. You try to help 'em, huh? 557 00:22:12,708 --> 00:22:14,585 All right, you guys start yelling. 558 00:22:14,626 --> 00:22:15,752 Commandant! 559 00:22:15,752 --> 00:22:17,671 Quiet. You'll wake Klink up. 560 00:22:17,713 --> 00:22:19,339 Quit making trouble. Quiet! 561 00:22:21,425 --> 00:22:22,426 ( shouting ) 562 00:22:22,426 --> 00:22:25,220 ( alarm blaring, dogs barking ) 563 00:22:25,262 --> 00:22:27,431 It must be an escape. 564 00:22:27,472 --> 00:22:28,098 An escape? 565 00:22:32,603 --> 00:22:33,729 Kinch! 566 00:22:37,274 --> 00:22:41,612 ( all shouting ) 567 00:22:45,073 --> 00:22:47,743 Quiet! Quiet! 568 00:22:47,784 --> 00:22:49,161 Quiet! 569 00:22:49,203 --> 00:22:52,581 ( alarm blaring, dogs barking ) 570 00:22:56,001 --> 00:22:58,420 What is this? 571 00:22:58,462 --> 00:22:59,713 We were to trying to escape, 572 00:22:59,755 --> 00:23:01,173 and this rat, Schultz, caught us. 573 00:23:01,215 --> 00:23:04,510 Yes, Herr Kommandant, this rat, Schultz, caught them. 574 00:23:04,551 --> 00:23:05,969 If not for him, we would have made it. 575 00:23:06,011 --> 00:23:07,471 Bah. Cochon. 576 00:23:07,554 --> 00:23:09,723 Boy, a guy hasn't got a chance with him around. 577 00:23:09,765 --> 00:23:11,475 KREBS: Herr Kommandant. 578 00:23:11,475 --> 00:23:12,768 Herr Kommandant. 579 00:23:12,809 --> 00:23:16,063 Herr Kommandant, there has been an escape. 580 00:23:16,104 --> 00:23:20,776 Thank you for that interesting news bulletin, Sergeant. 581 00:23:20,817 --> 00:23:22,319 Happy landings, Captain. 582 00:23:22,361 --> 00:23:23,570 Thanks, old buddy. 583 00:23:23,612 --> 00:23:25,072 See you in Fort Worth. 584 00:23:25,113 --> 00:23:27,157 ( rebel yell ) 585 00:23:30,452 --> 00:23:32,246 Why didn't you know about this, Sergeant? 586 00:23:32,287 --> 00:23:33,330 Sir, I had information 587 00:23:33,330 --> 00:23:35,374 the escape would take place from the barracks. 588 00:23:35,415 --> 00:23:36,416 I was watching there. 589 00:23:36,458 --> 00:23:38,210 You fool, that was a diversion. 590 00:23:38,252 --> 00:23:39,670 This is the real escape. 591 00:23:39,670 --> 00:23:41,171 I'm sorry, Herr Kommandant. 592 00:23:41,213 --> 00:23:43,257 Being sorry does not prevent escapes. 593 00:23:43,298 --> 00:23:44,800 You are hereby relieved of duty, 594 00:23:44,842 --> 00:23:46,718 and you will be transferred out of here at once. 595 00:23:46,760 --> 00:23:48,011 Dismissed. 596 00:23:48,053 --> 00:23:51,223 Schultz, you will resume as Sergeant of the Guard. 597 00:23:51,265 --> 00:23:53,559 Now, your transfer is being revoked. 598 00:23:53,600 --> 00:23:55,185 Jawohl, Herr Kommandant. 599 00:23:55,227 --> 00:23:56,854 HOGAN: Colonel, I protest. 600 00:23:56,895 --> 00:23:58,021 This man is inhuman. 601 00:23:58,063 --> 00:24:00,899 He's a monster with eyes in the back of his head. 602 00:24:00,941 --> 00:24:02,651 And the pair in front ain't bad either. 603 00:24:03,026 --> 00:24:04,111 Silence. 604 00:24:04,152 --> 00:24:06,363 Gentlemen, your protests are music to my ears. 605 00:24:06,405 --> 00:24:08,073 We need men like Sergeant Schultz 606 00:24:08,115 --> 00:24:10,951 to maintain the reputation of Stalag 13. 607 00:24:10,993 --> 00:24:13,704 Schultz, Hogan is confined to the barracks, 608 00:24:13,745 --> 00:24:16,874 and these two idiots get two weeks in the cooler. 609 00:24:16,874 --> 00:24:18,125 Jawohl, Herr Kommandant. 610 00:24:24,506 --> 00:24:26,175 Congratulations, Schultz, we did it. 611 00:24:26,216 --> 00:24:27,885 Right, we got your transfer canceled. 612 00:24:27,885 --> 00:24:29,219 ( chuckles ) 613 00:24:29,219 --> 00:24:31,430 All right, let's go! 614 00:24:31,471 --> 00:24:34,641 One wrong step and I'll shoot. 615 00:24:34,683 --> 00:24:36,852 Get him, will you? 616 00:24:36,894 --> 00:24:39,855 How quickly they forget. 617 00:24:39,897 --> 00:24:41,690 Back! Back! Back! 618 00:24:42,305 --> 00:24:48,470 "(End of Episode)" 619 00:24:49,305 --> 00:25:49,547 Please rate this subtitle at www.osdb.link/3cdwd Help other users to choose the best subtitles