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Advertise your product or brand here
contact www.OpenSubtitles.org today
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London's going
to transmit in
two minutes.
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Schultz will be here
for the bed check.
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You know what
to do, LeBeau.
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Ready for him,
Colonel.
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00:01:06,316 --> 00:01:07,985
Great.
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Guten Abend, Schultz.
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LeBeau, you
should be in bed.
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Everybody
should be asleep
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00:01:19,746 --> 00:01:21,707
so that I can
count the... strudel.
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Real, live strudel.
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I made some extra. Go ahead.
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You are a wonderful person
for an enemy.
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Mmm! Wunderbar!
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It sings, eh, Schultz?
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Ja. Now it sings.
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Later on, it growls.
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Does your wife
ever make strudel?
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Oh, please. Don't
mention my wife,
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not even in the dark.
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Why? She doesn't cook very good?
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Since the war, she works
in a munitions factory,
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lifting up big,
heavy gun barrels.
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Hey, that's a hard job.
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Ja. If they ever find out
that she is a woman,
29
00:02:02,539 --> 00:02:03,498
they'll fire her.
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Now I have
to check the beds.
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Have more strudel.
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Danke.
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Good night.
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Wait. Wait. I have
to check the beds.
35
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Everybody is here.
36
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How do you know?
37
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I counted them myself.
38
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Why do it twice?
39
00:02:21,225 --> 00:02:25,938
You're not only a good cook,
you're also smart.
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What's the flap,
Colonel?
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Uh... "Top secret. Urgent.
Immediate action. Priority one."
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You think they're trying
to tell us something?
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"Lost contact with Agent Willie,
44
00:02:41,578 --> 00:02:44,915
"waiter at Hausner Hof Hotel
in Hamilburg.
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00:02:44,915 --> 00:02:47,417
"Regular channels too risky.
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00:02:47,417 --> 00:02:51,880
"Message for Willie: Cancel
weapons drop scheduled for 17th.
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"Trap suspected.
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00:02:53,924 --> 00:02:56,885
Extreme danger to valuable
underground unit."
49
00:02:56,927 --> 00:02:59,555
Well, how are you
supposed to know
this guy Willie?
50
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Recognition code.
51
00:03:00,973 --> 00:03:02,808
"Do you know 'Lili Marlene'?"
52
00:03:02,850 --> 00:03:06,186
The answer has to be, "Yes.
Can you spare a cigarette?"
53
00:03:06,228 --> 00:03:07,729
Well, who you going
to send, Colonel?
54
00:03:07,771 --> 00:03:10,941
Me. I'll go out through the
emergency tunnel tomorrow night.
55
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Kinch, I want you
to code this message
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00:03:12,985 --> 00:03:14,611
and put it
in a cigarette pack.
57
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Newkirk, what about a civilian
suit this time for me?
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Righto, Guvnor.
You got it.
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Good. "Civilian."
What a beautiful word.
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Next to "girls."
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Colonel, don't
you ever think
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about anything
else but dames?
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Of course I do, but I fight it.
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Another 30 feet,
and they'll cross
the emergency tunnel.
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What's their ruddy game?
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00:03:50,939 --> 00:03:52,858
We tried asking
the Krauts, but no luck.
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00:03:52,900 --> 00:03:54,401
What about Schultz?
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He won't talk.
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Not even to me,
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00:03:57,279 --> 00:03:59,239
and I got him hooked
on apple strudel.
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00:03:59,281 --> 00:04:00,699
What's taking
so long here?
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00:04:00,741 --> 00:04:02,159
I don't know.
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00:04:02,159 --> 00:04:03,619
Blimey, it's cold!
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00:04:03,660 --> 00:04:05,996
It sure is. My nose
is about to fall off.
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00:04:05,996 --> 00:04:07,831
Wouldn't hurt
your appearance a bit.
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00:04:07,873 --> 00:04:09,541
Might help,
as a matter of fact,
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00:04:09,583 --> 00:04:12,002
Hey, Schultz, let's get
this show on the road.
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HOGAN:
What's the delay?
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I know nothing. Nothing!
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Report!
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Herr Kommandant,
all present and accounted for.
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Good.
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Now, gentlemen, I have
ordered this formation
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00:04:24,181 --> 00:04:25,807
for the purpose
of telling you...
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00:04:25,849 --> 00:04:27,434
Colonel, I'd like
to volunteer my command
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00:04:27,476 --> 00:04:29,353
for work on the construction
outside the wire.
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00:04:29,353 --> 00:04:31,104
How very kind of you,
Colonel Hogan.
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Do some useful work and find out
exactly what we are doing there.
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Am I correct?
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Well, it did cross my mind.
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00:04:38,278 --> 00:04:41,323
Of course.
But that won't be necessary.
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I have called
this formation
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for the purpose
of telling you
what is happening.
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00:04:45,619 --> 00:04:47,913
Now, prisoners,
I wish to inform you
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that the wire surrounding
this camp is being electrified.
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He can't do that.
Electrified?
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KLINK:
That's not
so amusing, huh?
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The perimeter wire and the gates
will carry enough voltage
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00:04:59,049 --> 00:05:01,134
to electrocute anyone
who touches it.
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00:05:01,176 --> 00:05:03,303
Now, let a word to
the wise be sufficient.
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00:05:03,345 --> 00:05:06,431
Stalag 13 remains escape-proof.
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00:05:06,473 --> 00:05:08,976
Thank you, Mr. Wonderful.
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Dismissed!
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Electrified fence?
That's terrible!
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00:05:13,313 --> 00:05:15,482
Another first
for Stalag 13.
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Well, at least now we can
get fried without drinking.
107
00:05:21,405 --> 00:05:24,241
You won't be able to use that
emergency tunnel now, Colonel.
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Sure, he will.
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They're not digging
deep enough to find it.
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Yeah, but they'll be
guarding their equipment.
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I'll have to get
out some other way.
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Carter,
check out here.
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There's nothing
out here.
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Well, my office is bugged,
all right.
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They must have done it when
they electrified the fence.
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And while we were
out there on formation.
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Yeah. Klink figures we do
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all our escape planning
in my office.
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Shall we tear out
those microphones?
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No. Hold it a minute.
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Maybe we'll be able to use them
to our own advantage.
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Gentlemen,
Stalag 13 Theater of the Air
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is about to have
its world premiere.
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( knocking )
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Come in.
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00:07:07,177 --> 00:07:08,428
Evening, Colonel.
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Hi, Colonel.
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Good evening, Colonel.
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Colonel, we'd like
a word with you.
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Okay. Sit down, men.
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( chairs scraping )
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Here. I'll just put away
my German grammar book.
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( slams book shut )
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Beautiful language.
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What's on your minds?
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Sir, we have
an escape plan.
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We want your approval.
138
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It's absolutely foolproof.
139
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There's not a chance
it can fail.
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It's 100% perfect in
every respect. Can't miss.
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It may even work.
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Of course it will work,
if it's properly exe...
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00:07:44,882 --> 00:07:47,885
...cuted. Executed.
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00:07:47,885 --> 00:07:50,679
Yeah, yeah, uh...
look, I'm not in favor
145
00:07:50,721 --> 00:07:52,890
of escape attempts
at this time.
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( all yelling at once )
147
00:07:55,058 --> 00:07:56,476
With his usual
brilliant efficiency,
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Colonel Klink is
electrifying the wire.
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00:07:58,103 --> 00:08:01,106
I can short out the wire.
150
00:08:01,148 --> 00:08:03,567
And then we put
a ladder up against it
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00:08:03,567 --> 00:08:05,360
and go over,
any dark night.
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00:08:05,402 --> 00:08:06,862
And we're away.
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00:08:06,904 --> 00:08:09,072
LeBEAU:
Yeah. That'll show
the lousy Krauts.
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00:08:09,072 --> 00:08:12,201
Corporal, I wish
you wouldn't use
that language.
155
00:08:12,242 --> 00:08:13,744
And why not,
may I ask?
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00:08:13,744 --> 00:08:15,787
They are pigs,
animals, brutes--
157
00:08:15,829 --> 00:08:17,915
the lowest form of life
on earth.
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Sure, but how do you
really feel about them?
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00:08:20,000 --> 00:08:21,084
Deep down,
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00:08:21,084 --> 00:08:22,586
don't you have
a sneaking admiration
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00:08:22,586 --> 00:08:24,087
for the way
they conduct themselves?
162
00:08:24,129 --> 00:08:25,756
There's a very
good chance they're
going to win the war.
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00:08:25,756 --> 00:08:28,509
Never thought I'd
hear you talk
like that, sir.
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Colonel, are you going
soft on the Krauts?
165
00:08:31,595 --> 00:08:34,556
Let's just say that
I'm being realistic.
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Oh, LeBeau, I brought your...
your plate back.
167
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Okay, Schultz.
168
00:08:40,729 --> 00:08:42,189
Oh, it was delicious.
169
00:08:42,231 --> 00:08:44,107
But you know
what happened?
170
00:08:44,107 --> 00:08:45,984
Klink saw me
eat the strudel.
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He almost killed me.
172
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Oh, he is a devil.
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00:08:54,576 --> 00:08:56,537
He's a devil, all right,
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00:08:56,578 --> 00:09:00,207
but the most
lovable devil
in Germany today.
175
00:09:00,249 --> 00:09:04,545
When he saw me eat the strudel,
you know what he did?
176
00:09:04,586 --> 00:09:06,964
He canceled
my next leave.
177
00:09:06,964 --> 00:09:09,424
But he was
absolutely right!
178
00:09:09,466 --> 00:09:11,301
I deserve it.
179
00:09:11,301 --> 00:09:17,140
Oh, Kommandant Klink
is like a father to me.
180
00:09:17,182 --> 00:09:20,435
Well, I see you later.
181
00:09:20,477 --> 00:09:22,479
Obey the rules,
182
00:09:22,521 --> 00:09:27,150
or I have to do my duty,
and report you!
183
00:09:27,150 --> 00:09:28,902
( all talking )
184
00:09:28,944 --> 00:09:31,071
ALL:
Bye. Bye.
185
00:09:32,531 --> 00:09:35,200
Colonel, what about
our escape plan?
186
00:09:35,242 --> 00:09:36,827
I'll think it over.
187
00:09:36,827 --> 00:09:38,829
But don't get
your hopes too high.
188
00:09:38,829 --> 00:09:40,247
( all grumbling )
189
00:09:40,289 --> 00:09:41,999
All right, dismissed!
190
00:09:41,999 --> 00:09:45,085
( all grumbling )
191
00:09:45,127 --> 00:09:47,838
Yes, Herr General,
a definite pro-German attitude.
192
00:09:47,880 --> 00:09:50,340
He even refuses an escape plan.
193
00:09:50,382 --> 00:09:53,343
It's all in the recording
that I made.
194
00:09:53,385 --> 00:09:55,012
What's that, sir?
195
00:09:55,053 --> 00:09:57,514
Oh, I had his quarters bugged.
196
00:09:57,556 --> 00:10:00,434
It's part of my new
electrification program.
197
00:10:00,475 --> 00:10:03,187
Oh, we are on the ball here
at Stalag 13.
198
00:10:03,187 --> 00:10:05,272
Get off the ball and go to work?
199
00:10:05,314 --> 00:10:06,857
Yes, indeed, sir.
200
00:10:06,857 --> 00:10:09,610
What are your orders,
Herr General?
201
00:10:09,651 --> 00:10:11,361
Play up to Hogan?
202
00:10:11,695 --> 00:10:13,197
Oh, I see.
203
00:10:13,197 --> 00:10:16,867
Make life easier,
and don't be too obvious.
204
00:10:16,867 --> 00:10:20,120
Well, you know me
when it comes to being subtle.
205
00:10:20,162 --> 00:10:22,873
Yes, we can discuss that
at another time.
206
00:10:22,873 --> 00:10:26,376
I will follow your orders,
Herr General, and report.
207
00:10:26,376 --> 00:10:28,045
Thank you, General Burkhalter.
208
00:10:29,421 --> 00:10:32,049
Now, take the pillows
and put it on the bed.
209
00:10:32,090 --> 00:10:34,885
And you take this
and put it over there.
210
00:10:38,597 --> 00:10:40,724
Schultz, what's
going on?
211
00:10:40,724 --> 00:10:43,644
Our beloved and
wonderful Kommandant
212
00:10:43,685 --> 00:10:47,231
wants you to be as
comfortable as possible.
213
00:10:47,231 --> 00:10:48,732
That's very kind
of him, Schultz.
214
00:10:48,732 --> 00:10:52,402
He is a wonderful,
beloved Kommandant.
215
00:10:54,071 --> 00:10:55,572
Something wrong?
216
00:10:57,783 --> 00:10:59,284
Take this
and get it autographed.
217
00:11:02,412 --> 00:11:04,748
Well, Colonel Hogan,
here we are,
218
00:11:04,748 --> 00:11:07,709
you and I having
a little kaffeeklatsch,
219
00:11:07,751 --> 00:11:09,169
talking things over.
220
00:11:09,211 --> 00:11:10,712
Now, you must confess,
221
00:11:10,754 --> 00:11:12,840
I am not the worst
man in Germany, am I?
222
00:11:12,881 --> 00:11:15,175
Well, I don't know everybody.
223
00:11:15,217 --> 00:11:17,845
Actually, Commandant,
I understand you
224
00:11:17,886 --> 00:11:19,346
a lot better than you think.
225
00:11:19,388 --> 00:11:20,848
Really?
226
00:11:20,889 --> 00:11:22,099
Not many people know this
227
00:11:22,140 --> 00:11:24,226
but, originally,
my name was Hoganmueller.
228
00:11:24,268 --> 00:11:25,769
Hoganmueller?
229
00:11:25,811 --> 00:11:27,104
Remarkable!
230
00:11:27,145 --> 00:11:29,147
You're one of us?
231
00:11:29,189 --> 00:11:30,941
From way back.
232
00:11:30,983 --> 00:11:32,860
That makes
a big difference.
233
00:11:32,901 --> 00:11:34,820
Well, frankly,
Colonel Hogan,
234
00:11:34,862 --> 00:11:38,365
I would like to improve our
relationship even more.
235
00:11:38,407 --> 00:11:42,077
Tell me, what is it
you would like most
in this world?
236
00:11:42,119 --> 00:11:44,621
Hmm... let me think.
237
00:11:44,621 --> 00:11:46,790
You can't make up your mind?
238
00:11:46,790 --> 00:11:49,501
I know what I want. It's
a question: blonde or brunette?
239
00:11:49,543 --> 00:11:54,464
What a marvelous
German-American sense of humor.
240
00:11:54,464 --> 00:11:56,383
Seriously, Commandant,
there is one thing.
241
00:11:56,425 --> 00:11:57,968
I'm getting a little rock happy.
242
00:11:57,968 --> 00:12:00,179
Would it be possible
to go into town some night
243
00:12:00,220 --> 00:12:01,722
and have dinner
at the Hausner Hof?
244
00:12:01,763 --> 00:12:05,142
Unfortunately,
that's against regulations.
245
00:12:05,142 --> 00:12:06,268
Oh, of course.
246
00:12:06,310 --> 00:12:07,311
Forget it.
247
00:12:07,352 --> 00:12:08,562
No harm in trying.
248
00:12:08,604 --> 00:12:10,689
I'd better
be running along.
249
00:12:10,731 --> 00:12:13,650
I've had a lovely
time at your party.
250
00:12:13,692 --> 00:12:15,194
And tomorrow again?
251
00:12:15,235 --> 00:12:16,862
Why not?
Unless I sleep late.
252
00:12:16,904 --> 00:12:18,363
Good.
253
00:12:18,405 --> 00:12:19,698
Tell me, Hogan,
254
00:12:19,740 --> 00:12:20,949
is there
anything special
255
00:12:20,991 --> 00:12:22,492
you would like
for breakfast?
256
00:12:22,534 --> 00:12:25,370
Yeah. I'm very
fond of crumpets,
257
00:12:25,412 --> 00:12:26,997
but don't go
to any trouble,
258
00:12:27,039 --> 00:12:28,665
like capturing England.
259
00:12:31,376 --> 00:12:34,880
( harmonizing ):
* Roll out the barrel
260
00:12:34,922 --> 00:12:37,591
* We've got the blues
on the run... *
261
00:12:37,633 --> 00:12:40,093
( humming )
Hey, knock it off,
knock it off, will you?
262
00:12:40,135 --> 00:12:41,929
( over speaker ):
Hey, Colonel, tell the Glee Club
263
00:12:41,970 --> 00:12:43,764
to knock it off, please--
we want to talk to you.
264
00:12:43,805 --> 00:12:44,973
Oh, really?
265
00:12:45,015 --> 00:12:47,226
* Now's the time
to the roll the barrel *
266
00:12:47,267 --> 00:12:49,144
* For the gang's all here *
267
00:12:49,186 --> 00:12:51,438
All right, all right,
hold it down a minute, fellas.
268
00:12:51,480 --> 00:12:52,648
What's the problem?
269
00:12:52,689 --> 00:12:54,066
NEWKIRK:
We called this meeting, sir,
270
00:12:54,107 --> 00:12:55,484
'cause we got the needle
about you.
271
00:12:55,526 --> 00:12:56,610
HOGAN:
What does that mean?
272
00:12:56,652 --> 00:12:58,070
NEWKIRK:
You've been having breakfast
273
00:12:58,111 --> 00:12:59,154
with Klink every morning.
274
00:12:59,196 --> 00:13:00,405
Why, he's done over your room.
275
00:13:00,447 --> 00:13:01,740
And you've been
studying German.
276
00:13:01,782 --> 00:13:03,825
You even asked
for Hitler's autograph.
277
00:13:03,867 --> 00:13:06,286
Are those eagles
on your shoulders
or vultures, sir?
278
00:13:06,328 --> 00:13:09,206
Wait a minute,
where do you come off
talking to me like that?
279
00:13:09,206 --> 00:13:11,959
This is the first time
my loyalty has ever
been questioned.
280
00:13:12,000 --> 00:13:13,627
Whose side
are you on?
281
00:13:13,669 --> 00:13:15,838
HOGAN:
Let me tell you guys
a few things.
282
00:13:15,879 --> 00:13:18,048
When I was a captain
at Mitchell Field,
283
00:13:18,090 --> 00:13:20,092
they gave me
top security clearance.
284
00:13:20,133 --> 00:13:22,636
I was the man
who helped them test
285
00:13:22,678 --> 00:13:25,055
the famous secret Norden...
286
00:13:25,055 --> 00:13:26,348
* Zing *
287
00:13:26,390 --> 00:13:29,059
* Boom, tararrel
Norden Bomb Sight?!
288
00:13:29,101 --> 00:13:31,562
* Ring out a song
of good cheer *
Stop that singing!
289
00:13:31,603 --> 00:13:32,646
* Now's the time *
290
00:13:32,729 --> 00:13:34,356
* To roll the barrel
291
00:13:34,398 --> 00:13:36,692
* For the gang's all here... *
292
00:13:36,733 --> 00:13:38,360
Hold it, hold it.
293
00:13:38,402 --> 00:13:40,404
That's what the army
thought of my loyalty.
294
00:13:40,404 --> 00:13:42,114
How do we know that's
the truth, sir?
295
00:13:42,155 --> 00:13:43,907
You still doubt me, huh?
296
00:13:43,949 --> 00:13:46,493
( singing continues )
All right,
I'll describe it.
297
00:13:46,535 --> 00:13:48,829
The Norden works
on the synchro-mesh principle
298
00:13:48,871 --> 00:13:50,914
and has a 4.2
interlocking...
* Zing
299
00:13:50,956 --> 00:13:54,751
* Boom, tarrarel *
Quiet! More details!
300
00:13:54,751 --> 00:13:56,753
( singing continues )
301
00:13:56,795 --> 00:13:59,089
...and that's what accounts
for its tremendous accuracy.
302
00:13:59,089 --> 00:14:01,341
The Norden is the only invention
of its kind in the world,
303
00:14:01,383 --> 00:14:03,719
( singing continues )
that utilizes its own power,
304
00:14:03,760 --> 00:14:05,220
which in turn,
as we all know...
305
00:14:05,262 --> 00:14:06,847
* We got the blues
on the run *
306
00:14:06,889 --> 00:14:09,725
...for the last time,
it makes it possible
307
00:14:09,766 --> 00:14:13,854
to isolate the smallest objects
at a considerable distance.
308
00:14:13,896 --> 00:14:16,440
* Now's the time
to roll the barrel *
309
00:14:16,481 --> 00:14:18,609
* For the gang's
310
00:14:18,609 --> 00:14:20,277
* All
311
00:14:20,277 --> 00:14:23,071
* Here! *
312
00:14:23,113 --> 00:14:25,616
Yahoo!
Yahoo!
313
00:14:25,616 --> 00:14:27,284
No question about it,
Herr General,
314
00:14:27,326 --> 00:14:28,785
it is the Norden Bomb Sight.
315
00:14:28,785 --> 00:14:30,496
What's that, sir?
316
00:14:30,537 --> 00:14:33,332
Yes, I believe
he would give us the plans.
317
00:14:33,373 --> 00:14:34,958
I have been cultivating him,
318
00:14:35,000 --> 00:14:37,127
and through
very clever investigation
319
00:14:37,169 --> 00:14:40,088
have found out that
he has a German background.
320
00:14:40,130 --> 00:14:44,134
His real name is Hoganmueller.
321
00:14:44,134 --> 00:14:47,930
Sir, no, I cannot reveal
that source, even to you.
322
00:14:47,971 --> 00:14:50,641
Yes, it would be an excellent
idea if you came here.
323
00:14:50,682 --> 00:14:52,267
It would impress Hogan.
324
00:14:52,309 --> 00:14:54,645
Yes, sir, I will make
all the necessary arrangements.
325
00:14:54,645 --> 00:14:57,314
By the way, General,
when you come here,
326
00:14:57,356 --> 00:15:00,984
I have a little surprise
for you.
327
00:15:01,026 --> 00:15:02,819
Yes, sir!
328
00:15:07,241 --> 00:15:09,493
Herr Commandant,
General Burkhalter
329
00:15:09,493 --> 00:15:12,162
passed through Hamilburg
ten minutes ago.
330
00:15:12,162 --> 00:15:14,456
Good, he will be here
any minute now.
331
00:15:14,498 --> 00:15:15,958
The control switch.
332
00:15:25,509 --> 00:15:27,678
Wait. Stop it.
333
00:15:27,719 --> 00:15:30,681
Stop it! Stop the car!
334
00:15:32,182 --> 00:15:33,517
KLINK:
Welcome, Herr General.
335
00:15:33,517 --> 00:15:36,103
Oh, I stopped the car
because I want to show you
336
00:15:36,144 --> 00:15:38,856
the little surprise
I mentioned to you
on the phone.
337
00:15:38,897 --> 00:15:42,109
Herr General, my
escape-proof gates.
338
00:15:42,150 --> 00:15:45,070
These are foolproof,
and they work perfectly.
339
00:15:47,322 --> 00:15:48,657
That's a mistake, sir.
340
00:15:48,699 --> 00:15:50,617
Schultz, the controls!
341
00:15:52,327 --> 00:15:53,662
General Burkhalter,
342
00:15:53,704 --> 00:15:55,330
that idiot, Schultz!
343
00:15:55,372 --> 00:15:56,707
Dummkopf!
344
00:15:58,250 --> 00:15:59,793
( grunts )
345
00:15:59,835 --> 00:16:01,670
I assure you--
346
00:16:01,712 --> 00:16:04,339
here, here,
let me help you up--
347
00:16:04,381 --> 00:16:05,966
it will not
happen again.
348
00:16:06,008 --> 00:16:07,384
( grunts )
349
00:16:09,219 --> 00:16:10,929
You know, I think
I saw this act once--
350
00:16:10,971 --> 00:16:13,140
at the circus.
351
00:16:15,893 --> 00:16:18,312
Judging by that recording,
352
00:16:18,353 --> 00:16:22,357
there's hardly any
question Hogan knows
the Norden Bomb Sight.
353
00:16:22,399 --> 00:16:23,775
You can see, Herr General,
354
00:16:23,817 --> 00:16:25,819
that we are doing
excellent work here.
355
00:16:25,861 --> 00:16:28,238
Ja? Like those gates?
356
00:16:28,280 --> 00:16:30,324
That was just
a malfunction, sir.
357
00:16:30,365 --> 00:16:34,745
Be careful I don't
malfunction you right
to the Russian front.
358
00:16:34,786 --> 00:16:37,581
But is Hogan ready to
tell us about the Norden?
359
00:16:37,581 --> 00:16:39,708
I have been working
on him, Herr General.
360
00:16:39,750 --> 00:16:41,293
Even if I say so myself,
361
00:16:41,335 --> 00:16:43,462
( chuckles ):
when I turn on the charm,
362
00:16:43,504 --> 00:16:45,422
I can be irresistible.
363
00:16:45,464 --> 00:16:48,258
I have never had any
trouble resisting you.
364
00:16:48,300 --> 00:16:50,260
( laughs ):
Very good, sir.
365
00:16:50,302 --> 00:16:52,679
I have ordered one of our
engineering specialists,
366
00:16:52,721 --> 00:16:54,097
Major Klopfer, to come here.
367
00:16:54,139 --> 00:16:55,265
He will arrive tonight.
368
00:16:55,265 --> 00:16:56,725
Yes, sir.
369
00:16:56,767 --> 00:16:59,311
Now, let me see
what we can do
with Colonel Hogan.
370
00:16:59,353 --> 00:17:00,771
I will have him
brought here.
371
00:17:00,771 --> 00:17:02,731
We will start strenuous
interrogation at once.
372
00:17:02,773 --> 00:17:04,775
Klink, you're not
only irresistible,
373
00:17:04,775 --> 00:17:06,276
but you're also
very subtle.
374
00:17:06,318 --> 00:17:07,611
Thank you, sir.
375
00:17:07,611 --> 00:17:09,905
Like a broken leg.
376
00:17:09,947 --> 00:17:13,325
Hogan requires
very delicate handling.
377
00:17:13,367 --> 00:17:16,286
Tell me, is there anything
particularly he wants?
378
00:17:16,328 --> 00:17:19,373
Um, let me see.
Oh, yes.
379
00:17:19,414 --> 00:17:22,793
He expressed a desire
to go into town some
evening for dinner
380
00:17:22,793 --> 00:17:25,295
at one of the
local hotels,
the Hausner Hof.
381
00:17:25,337 --> 00:17:27,714
That's something to go on.
382
00:17:27,756 --> 00:17:29,007
Arrange a little party.
383
00:17:29,049 --> 00:17:31,760
That is exactly what I was
thinking, Herr General.
384
00:17:31,802 --> 00:17:35,097
Good food and enough wine
to make him talkative.
385
00:17:35,138 --> 00:17:38,600
And perhaps even some
charming feminine company.
386
00:17:38,642 --> 00:17:40,435
That is an excellent idea.
387
00:17:40,477 --> 00:17:43,647
By the way, I have
this young lady
friend, Gretchen.
388
00:17:43,647 --> 00:17:46,191
I met her at the Strength
Through Joy picnic...
389
00:17:46,233 --> 00:17:47,401
Please.
390
00:17:47,442 --> 00:17:49,278
Spare me the details.
391
00:17:49,319 --> 00:17:51,613
Just arrange the party.
392
00:17:51,655 --> 00:17:54,032
And have him wear
one of our uniforms.
393
00:17:54,074 --> 00:17:55,784
It's good psychologically.
394
00:17:55,826 --> 00:17:56,869
Yes, Herr General.
395
00:17:56,910 --> 00:17:58,662
Now, let me tell you
about this lady...
396
00:17:58,662 --> 00:18:02,166
( jazz playing softly )
( Burkhalter laughing )
397
00:18:02,166 --> 00:18:05,544
And then I said,
"If you don't mind,
mein Fuhrer,
398
00:18:05,586 --> 00:18:08,881
this year I will take
my vacation in England."
399
00:18:08,922 --> 00:18:12,509
( laughter )
400
00:18:12,509 --> 00:18:14,553
The general is
a very amusing man.
401
00:18:14,595 --> 00:18:16,305
A barrel of laughs.
402
00:18:16,346 --> 00:18:18,348
There's also
a physical resemblance.
403
00:18:20,350 --> 00:18:23,478
Colonel, you are the
funniest man I have ever met.
404
00:18:23,520 --> 00:18:25,063
What's the matter
with me?
405
00:18:25,105 --> 00:18:27,107
Would you like us
to make a list?
406
00:18:27,149 --> 00:18:30,485
Waiter! More champagne
for everybody.
407
00:18:30,527 --> 00:18:31,904
WAITER:
Jawohl, Herr General.
408
00:18:31,945 --> 00:18:34,698
Oh. Oh, thank you.
409
00:18:34,698 --> 00:18:37,743
By the way, uh,
do you know Lili Marlene?
410
00:18:37,784 --> 00:18:40,204
No, but I'll ask
the orchestra leader.
411
00:18:40,245 --> 00:18:41,955
Forget it.
412
00:18:44,374 --> 00:18:46,668
Gretchen, my dear,
would you care to dance?
413
00:18:46,710 --> 00:18:48,086
I'm sorry, Liebchen,
414
00:18:48,128 --> 00:18:49,922
I'm a little
tired tonight.
415
00:18:49,963 --> 00:18:52,466
It's been years since
I've done any dancing.
416
00:18:52,508 --> 00:18:55,469
I thought you would
never ask me.
417
00:18:55,511 --> 00:18:58,180
Either you've got it
or you haven't.
418
00:19:01,058 --> 00:19:05,145
Careful, honey,
you're gonna melt
Klink's monocle.
419
00:19:05,187 --> 00:19:07,648
You dance very
well, Colonel.
420
00:19:07,689 --> 00:19:11,610
Thank you. I used
to take notes at
Fred Astaire movies.
421
00:19:11,652 --> 00:19:14,071
Hogan is having
a good time.
422
00:19:14,112 --> 00:19:16,240
Yes, with my girl.
423
00:19:16,240 --> 00:19:18,408
Either you've got it
or you haven't.
424
00:19:18,450 --> 00:19:21,411
( laughing )
Very good, Herr General.
425
00:19:21,411 --> 00:19:24,248
I'm afraid I do not
appreciate that humor.
426
00:19:24,248 --> 00:19:26,083
Colonel, may I remind you
427
00:19:26,083 --> 00:19:28,460
that we are here
on official business?
428
00:19:28,502 --> 00:19:30,003
Official business, yes.
429
00:19:31,713 --> 00:19:33,715
Monkey business, no!
430
00:19:36,176 --> 00:19:40,514
Excuse me, do you happen
to know Lili Marlene?
431
00:19:40,556 --> 00:19:43,267
Is that made
with gin or whiskey?
432
00:19:43,267 --> 00:19:45,519
Thank you and good night.
433
00:19:48,146 --> 00:19:51,817
You seem to be very interested
in this Lili Marlene.
434
00:19:51,859 --> 00:19:53,694
I'm taking a survey.
435
00:19:55,237 --> 00:19:57,614
If he continues to dance,
he'll stay sober.
436
00:19:57,656 --> 00:20:00,075
Yes, you may be right.
437
00:20:00,117 --> 00:20:01,702
I'm going to cut in.
438
00:20:01,743 --> 00:20:04,121
And then perhaps
you can talk to him.
439
00:20:08,959 --> 00:20:11,962
May I?
Oh, by all means.
440
00:20:11,962 --> 00:20:14,298
( gasps in pain )
Oh, I'm terribly
sorry, my dear.
441
00:20:14,339 --> 00:20:17,467
Well, it's her fault
for having a leg on that side.
442
00:20:20,971 --> 00:20:23,974
You and the colonel seem
to have something in common.
443
00:20:23,974 --> 00:20:25,225
You mean Gretchen?
444
00:20:25,267 --> 00:20:27,060
Good kid.
Good little dancer, too.
445
00:20:27,102 --> 00:20:28,896
Isn't there something more?
446
00:20:28,937 --> 00:20:31,481
Come on, General,
I just met the girl.
447
00:20:31,523 --> 00:20:34,526
No, no, I mean
you and Klink
448
00:20:34,568 --> 00:20:37,321
see things eye to eye
the German way.
449
00:20:37,362 --> 00:20:38,989
I try to be realistic.
450
00:20:38,989 --> 00:20:40,407
Excellent attitude.
451
00:20:40,449 --> 00:20:43,118
I take it you like to be
on the winning side.
452
00:20:43,160 --> 00:20:44,828
General, what's on your mind?
453
00:20:44,870 --> 00:20:46,288
I mean, besides Elsa?
454
00:20:46,330 --> 00:20:50,542
Cards on the table, hmm?
All right.
455
00:20:50,584 --> 00:20:52,961
We're interested
in the Norden.
456
00:20:53,003 --> 00:20:55,923
Oh, that old thing?
Is that all?
457
00:20:55,964 --> 00:20:57,049
Excuse me.
458
00:20:57,090 --> 00:20:58,634
Gretchen wants
to be rescued.
459
00:21:02,846 --> 00:21:04,473
May I?
460
00:21:04,515 --> 00:21:05,766
( grunts )
461
00:21:09,478 --> 00:21:11,063
Yes, Herr General?
462
00:21:11,104 --> 00:21:13,190
I think your Colonel Hogan
is ready to talk.
463
00:21:13,232 --> 00:21:15,192
Oh, that's wonderful, sir.
464
00:21:15,192 --> 00:21:18,779
Call the camp and tell
Major Klopfer to stand by.
Yes, sir.
465
00:21:18,820 --> 00:21:20,739
Oh, Colonel,
how is it your girl
466
00:21:20,781 --> 00:21:23,700
has been dancing with
the American all evening?
467
00:21:23,742 --> 00:21:24,868
Oh, shut up.
468
00:21:29,206 --> 00:21:30,874
Honey, why don't you
go back to the table.
469
00:21:30,916 --> 00:21:32,084
I'll be with you
in a minute.
470
00:21:32,125 --> 00:21:33,252
Something is wrong?
471
00:21:33,293 --> 00:21:35,879
I want to say hello to
an old friend-- I hope.
472
00:21:35,921 --> 00:21:39,341
Don't be long.
I will miss you.
473
00:21:44,555 --> 00:21:46,640
Uh, excuse me.
Yes, sir?
474
00:21:46,682 --> 00:21:48,767
Do you know Lili Marlene?
475
00:21:48,809 --> 00:21:51,186
Yes. Yes.
476
00:21:53,689 --> 00:21:56,775
This was made for you,
my dear.
477
00:21:56,817 --> 00:21:59,736
Do you know
Lili Marlene?
Yes.
478
00:21:59,736 --> 00:22:01,446
Yes, what?
479
00:22:01,488 --> 00:22:03,824
Yes, can you spare
a cigarette?
480
00:22:03,866 --> 00:22:07,870
Here. Keep the pack.
Yes, sir.
481
00:22:07,911 --> 00:22:10,998
Don't forget
to read it.
Yes, sir.
482
00:22:11,039 --> 00:22:12,416
You're all right.
483
00:22:12,457 --> 00:22:15,085
I like a spy with
nerves of steel.
484
00:22:19,590 --> 00:22:23,260
Now, the main thing about
the Norden is its compactness.
485
00:22:23,302 --> 00:22:24,970
Practical,
you mean, huh?
Extremely.
486
00:22:25,012 --> 00:22:27,931
Go on.
487
00:22:27,931 --> 00:22:31,727
You'll notice
the handle is curved...
488
00:22:34,021 --> 00:22:36,440
...for easier control.
489
00:22:36,440 --> 00:22:38,775
The start button
located right there.
490
00:22:38,817 --> 00:22:42,279
Now, what is
the power source?
491
00:22:42,279 --> 00:22:45,449
Electrical. It derives from
a lightweight, compact motor
492
00:22:45,491 --> 00:22:50,120
located right about... here.
493
00:22:50,162 --> 00:22:53,290
Am I to understand
that a Norden is
completely portable?
494
00:22:53,290 --> 00:22:54,750
It weighs only
about seven pounds.
495
00:22:54,791 --> 00:22:56,877
Seven pounds?
Amazing.
496
00:22:56,919 --> 00:22:59,588
That's amazing!
497
00:22:59,630 --> 00:23:03,509
Now, about the
aiming mechanism.
498
00:23:03,550 --> 00:23:04,885
Aiming mechanism?
Doesn't have one.
499
00:23:04,927 --> 00:23:08,430
It must utilize an entirely
revolutionary principle.
500
00:23:08,472 --> 00:23:11,141
HOGAN:
There's nothing
revolutionary about it.
501
00:23:11,141 --> 00:23:15,646
Here... let me show you
one of the other major parts.
502
00:23:15,646 --> 00:23:18,232
This, gentlemen...
503
00:23:18,273 --> 00:23:19,650
is the dust bag.
504
00:23:19,650 --> 00:23:21,276
It's located
right under the handle.
505
00:23:21,318 --> 00:23:23,153
Dust bag?
506
00:23:23,153 --> 00:23:25,447
Great suction, too-- pull the
teeth right out of your mouth.
507
00:23:26,990 --> 00:23:28,909
General!
508
00:23:28,951 --> 00:23:32,371
This man is describing
a vacuum cleaner,
509
00:23:32,412 --> 00:23:34,248
not a bomb sight.
510
00:23:34,289 --> 00:23:35,707
What?!
511
00:23:35,749 --> 00:23:37,125
A vacuum cleaner?
512
00:23:37,167 --> 00:23:40,170
Norden makes one of the greatest
vacuum cleaners in the world.
513
00:23:40,212 --> 00:23:42,339
Congratulations, Klink,
you've done it again!
514
00:23:45,968 --> 00:23:48,220
But you said that
you tested the Norden.
515
00:23:48,262 --> 00:23:51,056
I had one in my room
at the base where I trained.
516
00:23:51,098 --> 00:23:54,601
We wined you and dined you,
and now you're describing
a vacuum cleaner!
517
00:23:54,643 --> 00:23:56,478
You asked me, remember?
518
00:23:56,520 --> 00:23:59,022
You're going to get
me into a lot of
trouble for this.
519
00:23:59,064 --> 00:24:02,401
Besides that, you
still owe me 500 marks
for the champagne alone!
520
00:24:02,442 --> 00:24:04,278
Forget it.
Forget it, he says.
521
00:24:04,319 --> 00:24:08,782
Of course, what good
is money gonna do you
at the Russian front?
522
00:24:12,369 --> 00:24:16,415
Raus, raus, raus,
heraus, heraus, heraus.
523
00:24:16,498 --> 00:24:18,500
All done,
Herr Kommandant.
524
00:24:18,542 --> 00:24:20,043
Very good, Schultz.
525
00:24:20,043 --> 00:24:23,046
Now, Hogan,
General Burkhalter
was kind enough
526
00:24:23,046 --> 00:24:24,590
to forget the
whole matter,
527
00:24:24,631 --> 00:24:26,341
but I am going
to teach you...
528
00:24:26,383 --> 00:24:28,844
Just one minute, Kommandant.
529
00:24:29,011 --> 00:24:32,931
One more... thing.
530
00:24:32,973 --> 00:24:36,268
This... and these.
531
00:24:36,310 --> 00:24:37,895
You better take them along.
532
00:24:37,936 --> 00:24:39,813
I wouldn't want
to hurt your feelings.
533
00:24:39,855 --> 00:24:41,231
Hurt my feelings?
534
00:24:41,231 --> 00:24:44,026
I may talk about Gretchen
in my sleep.
535
00:24:45,305 --> 00:24:51,869
"(End of Episode)"
536
00:24:52,305 --> 00:25:52,807
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