1
00:00:03,765 --> 00:00:06,065
Oh, this is amazing.
2
00:00:06,134 --> 00:00:08,367
I wish I had a playhouse
like this when I was a kid.
3
00:00:08,436 --> 00:00:09,969
Really? You never had
a playhouse?
4
00:00:10,038 --> 00:00:12,638
No. I mean, my dad did buy
the house next door
5
00:00:12,707 --> 00:00:15,341
for us to play in.
6
00:00:15,410 --> 00:00:18,010
I'm gonna hook up the garden
hose, so it has running water.
7
00:00:18,079 --> 00:00:19,412
Why does it need
running water?
8
00:00:19,481 --> 00:00:21,380
Same reason
it's got electricity:
9
00:00:21,449 --> 00:00:24,383
Bernadette and I both work,
and we're overcompensating.
10
00:00:25,754 --> 00:00:29,622
This reminds me of a traditional
Amish barn raising.
11
00:00:29,691 --> 00:00:31,691
With everyone pitching in.
12
00:00:31,760 --> 00:00:34,160
How exactly are you pitching in?
13
00:00:34,229 --> 00:00:36,362
I don't hear anyone else
giving facts
14
00:00:36,431 --> 00:00:38,231
about traditional
Amish barn raising.
15
00:00:39,734 --> 00:00:42,335
The rest of us are pitching in
with hammers and nails.
16
00:00:42,403 --> 00:00:45,605
Well, facts are my nails,
and my voice is the hammer
17
00:00:45,673 --> 00:00:48,474
which pounds them
through the wood of your skull.
18
00:00:49,611 --> 00:00:51,410
Well, that is how it feels.
19
00:00:52,781 --> 00:00:54,347
Hey, uh, can you
pass me that drill?
20
00:00:54,415 --> 00:00:56,182
Yeah, fun fact
about Amish barn raising--
21
00:00:56,251 --> 00:00:58,184
they don't use any power tools.
22
00:00:58,253 --> 00:01:00,653
- Amy, make him stop.
- No.
23
00:01:00,722 --> 00:01:03,456
If he tires himself out now,
he'll sleep better tonight.
24
00:01:03,525 --> 00:01:06,192
BERNADETTE: Hey, Howie,
can you give me a hand?
25
00:01:06,261 --> 00:01:07,426
I need to get some work done,
26
00:01:07,495 --> 00:01:08,906
and the kids are climbing
all over me.
27
00:01:08,930 --> 00:01:10,897
You know what?
I'll watch them.
28
00:01:10,965 --> 00:01:12,965
- You sure?
- But I was just about to tell everyone
29
00:01:13,001 --> 00:01:14,467
why they're called
Pennsylvania Dutch
30
00:01:14,536 --> 00:01:16,068
when they really hail
from Germany.
31
00:01:17,172 --> 00:01:18,304
Yep.
32
00:01:18,373 --> 00:01:20,206
Thanks.
33
00:01:20,275 --> 00:01:23,843
So, what do you think?
Pretty cool, huh?
34
00:01:23,912 --> 00:01:25,244
And when our kids outgrow it,
35
00:01:25,313 --> 00:01:27,046
we can Airbnb it
to other people's babies.
36
00:01:28,950 --> 00:01:30,716
Funny.
37
00:01:30,785 --> 00:01:31,884
You all right?
38
00:01:31,953 --> 00:01:33,786
Sorry, I haven't had
a second to myself.
39
00:01:33,855 --> 00:01:36,055
So let me just go back
inside, finish my report,
40
00:01:36,124 --> 00:01:38,624
brush my teeth, change
out of my pajamas, make a sandwich,
41
00:01:38,693 --> 00:01:41,194
and then I'll come out here
and laugh at your joke.
42
00:01:41,262 --> 00:01:44,197
Ooh. As long as you're
making sandwiches...
43
00:01:45,967 --> 00:01:48,534
You can laugh
at that one later, too.
44
00:01:49,904 --> 00:01:52,772
All right, I've kept you
in suspense long enough.
45
00:01:52,841 --> 00:01:55,041
"Dutch" is a bastardization
of the word "Deutsch,"
46
00:01:55,109 --> 00:01:56,576
meaning German.
47
00:01:56,644 --> 00:02:00,046
What's German for "annoying"?
48
00:02:00,114 --> 00:02:00,983
Nervig. Why do you ask?
49
00:02:00,984 --> 00:02:03,884
♪ The Big Bang Theory 12x07 ♪
The Grant Allocation Derivation
Original
50
00:02:03,885 --> 00:02:07,386
♪ Our whole universe
was in a hot, dense state ♪
51
00:02:07,455 --> 00:02:10,690
♪ Then nearly 14 billion years
ago expansion started... Wait! ♪
52
00:02:10,758 --> 00:02:12,358
♪ The Earth began to cool ♪
53
00:02:12,427 --> 00:02:15,027
♪ The autotrophs began to drool,
Neanderthals developed tools ♪
54
00:02:15,096 --> 00:02:17,530
♪ We built the Wall ♪
♪ We built the pyramids ♪
55
00:02:17,599 --> 00:02:20,266
♪ Math, Science, History,
unraveling the mystery ♪
56
00:02:20,335 --> 00:02:22,168
♪ That all started
with a big bang ♪
57
00:02:22,237 --> 00:02:23,803
♪ Bang! ♪
58
00:02:23,853 --> 00:02:29,853
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
@elder_man
59
00:02:29,854 --> 00:02:32,577
(knocks) President Siebert,
you wanted to see me?
60
00:02:32,578 --> 00:02:34,511
Hey. There's my guy!
61
00:02:35,648 --> 00:02:37,247
You sound like my wife
62
00:02:37,316 --> 00:02:40,150
just before she asked me
to go to Coachella.
63
00:02:40,219 --> 00:02:43,053
No, this is gonna be
way more fun than Coachella.
64
00:02:43,122 --> 00:02:46,190
More fun than heatstroke?
Good luck.
65
00:02:46,258 --> 00:02:49,326
So, there are some funds left
66
00:02:49,395 --> 00:02:50,861
in the general
administrative grant,
67
00:02:50,930 --> 00:02:53,831
and I need somebody to decide
how we should disburse them.
68
00:02:53,899 --> 00:02:55,165
Really?
69
00:02:55,234 --> 00:02:57,201
W-Wow, what an honor.
Thank you.
70
00:02:57,269 --> 00:02:59,603
So how do I decide
who gets the money?
71
00:02:59,672 --> 00:03:01,038
How do you decide anything?
72
00:03:01,106 --> 00:03:05,008
Think about it with your brain,
and then say it with your mouth.
73
00:03:05,077 --> 00:03:07,311
Yeah, right, sure.
74
00:03:07,379 --> 00:03:09,279
Uh, so, after I decide,
75
00:03:09,348 --> 00:03:11,748
do I then submit it to you
for approval, or...?
76
00:03:11,817 --> 00:03:13,217
No. You decide,
you approve,
77
00:03:13,285 --> 00:03:15,486
and then you pride yourself
on a job well done.
78
00:03:15,554 --> 00:03:17,020
That's a lot of responsibility.
79
00:03:17,089 --> 00:03:19,189
Well, if I didn't think
you were up to the task,
80
00:03:19,258 --> 00:03:20,991
you wouldn't have been fifth
on my list.
81
00:03:23,295 --> 00:03:26,029
Thank you.
I-I'll get started right away.
82
00:03:26,098 --> 00:03:28,031
And I look forward
to hearing nothing about it.
83
00:03:28,100 --> 00:03:30,434
I will keep you posted.
84
00:03:33,272 --> 00:03:34,738
Hey, thank you guys again
85
00:03:34,807 --> 00:03:36,773
for helping out yesterday.
- No problem.
86
00:03:36,842 --> 00:03:38,609
- That was really fun.
- It was fun.
87
00:03:38,677 --> 00:03:40,477
But I am sore.
88
00:03:40,546 --> 00:03:41,745
You didn't lift a finger.
89
00:03:41,814 --> 00:03:43,747
No, but I narrated
the entire event,
90
00:03:43,816 --> 00:03:46,917
and I am paying for it today.
91
00:03:46,986 --> 00:03:49,219
- Gentlemen.
- Hey. - Hi.
92
00:03:49,288 --> 00:03:50,754
Leonard, do I detect
93
00:03:50,823 --> 00:03:52,389
a little swagger in your step?
94
00:03:52,458 --> 00:03:53,724
Mm, possibly.
95
00:03:53,792 --> 00:03:55,032
Well, stop.
It doesn't suit you.
96
00:03:56,128 --> 00:03:58,161
- What's going on?
- Well,
97
00:03:58,230 --> 00:04:00,831
Siebert put me in charge
of handing out the last bit
98
00:04:00,900 --> 00:04:03,078
of the administrative funds,
and I have sole discretion.
99
00:04:03,102 --> 00:04:06,503
Ooh! Looks like
Christmas came early.
100
00:04:06,572 --> 00:04:08,438
First thing on my list
is a golden umbrella,
101
00:04:08,507 --> 00:04:10,674
'cause Leonard's
gonna make it rain!
102
00:04:10,743 --> 00:04:14,177
Uh, hold on, I'm not
just gonna hand out money.
103
00:04:14,246 --> 00:04:16,246
There's a procedure
you need to follow.
104
00:04:16,315 --> 00:04:17,447
I believe he's referring
105
00:04:17,516 --> 00:04:19,550
to the traditional
"kissing of the buttocks."
106
00:04:19,618 --> 00:04:21,018
Should we form a line,
107
00:04:21,086 --> 00:04:23,487
or just do it like
we're bobbing for apples?
108
00:04:23,556 --> 00:04:24,855
LEONARD:
Cute,
109
00:04:24,924 --> 00:04:26,690
but President Siebert
trusted me with this,
110
00:04:26,759 --> 00:04:28,258
and I'm taking it seriously.
111
00:04:28,327 --> 00:04:29,793
If you have a
legitimate request,
112
00:04:29,862 --> 00:04:31,495
you can submit it
to me in writing,
113
00:04:31,564 --> 00:04:33,196
and I'll evaluate it
based on its merits.
114
00:04:33,265 --> 00:04:36,266
Sure, sure. Is "Jet Ski"
one word or two?
115
00:04:36,335 --> 00:04:39,036
Hofstadter!
116
00:04:39,104 --> 00:04:42,272
Heard Siebert put you in charge
of the administrative fund.
117
00:04:42,341 --> 00:04:44,575
Can't think
of a better guy for the job.
118
00:04:44,643 --> 00:04:46,443
I think he's done this before.
119
00:04:46,512 --> 00:04:49,379
Leonard,
I know you and I have a...
120
00:04:49,448 --> 00:04:52,783
oh, troubled history, but I hope
that when I make my request
121
00:04:52,851 --> 00:04:54,818
you'll give me a fair shot.
122
00:04:54,887 --> 00:04:56,053
Of course.
123
00:04:56,121 --> 00:04:58,488
See? That's why I like
about this guy: integrity.
124
00:04:58,557 --> 00:04:59,723
Bring it in!
125
00:05:01,827 --> 00:05:04,261
I just put something
in your pocket.
126
00:05:04,330 --> 00:05:07,397
It's good at all
El Pollo Locos.
127
00:05:11,470 --> 00:05:13,303
(Neil crying)
128
00:05:13,372 --> 00:05:17,274
WOLOWITZ: Halley, leave your
brother's dirty diaper alone.
129
00:05:17,343 --> 00:05:19,710
Put that down.
That is not a hat.
130
00:05:19,778 --> 00:05:22,813
That is not
a hat! Oh!
131
00:05:22,881 --> 00:05:24,815
(crying continues)
132
00:05:24,883 --> 00:05:27,184
- Okay. Everybody in the sink.
- Oh.
133
00:05:29,121 --> 00:05:30,354
Bad news, Howie.
134
00:05:30,422 --> 00:05:32,789
I'm gonna be stuck at work
for a while.
135
00:05:36,395 --> 00:05:38,662
Oh, that's terrible.
Hang in there.
136
00:05:38,731 --> 00:05:41,365
I'll be home as soon as I can.
137
00:05:43,502 --> 00:05:45,435
(sighs):
Ah...
138
00:05:46,505 --> 00:05:49,306
He deserves better.
139
00:05:50,709 --> 00:05:52,709
No, I'm not going
to reconsider.
140
00:05:52,778 --> 00:05:55,245
Your request was denied.
141
00:05:55,314 --> 00:05:57,147
I don't care
if it helps you think;
142
00:05:57,216 --> 00:06:00,017
you don't need a koi pond
in your office.
143
00:06:01,320 --> 00:06:02,886
Well, you should
have thought about that
144
00:06:02,955 --> 00:06:05,155
before you bought the koi!
145
00:06:05,224 --> 00:06:06,757
Wow. That was
a little rough.
146
00:06:06,825 --> 00:06:08,392
Well, I have to be.
147
00:06:08,494 --> 00:06:10,872
Everyone assumes I'm just gonna
give them whatever they want.
148
00:06:10,896 --> 00:06:14,698
Hmm. But you're not, are you?
149
00:06:14,767 --> 00:06:15,999
No, I'm not.
150
00:06:16,068 --> 00:06:18,101
I mean, look at this.
151
00:06:18,170 --> 00:06:21,171
An espresso machine?
I don't think so. Denied!
152
00:06:22,408 --> 00:06:25,075
Wow, I really like
this side of you.
153
00:06:25,144 --> 00:06:26,144
Really?
154
00:06:26,178 --> 00:06:28,979
Yeah, just so decisive.
155
00:06:29,048 --> 00:06:31,014
Well, check this out.
156
00:06:31,083 --> 00:06:33,116
A standing desk. Denied!
157
00:06:33,185 --> 00:06:34,618
Oh!
158
00:06:39,058 --> 00:06:41,436
If you want to stand, do it on
your own time, 'cause I'm the boss.
159
00:06:41,460 --> 00:06:43,093
Yeah, you are.
160
00:06:44,196 --> 00:06:45,862
- Hello.
- Hey. - Hey.
161
00:06:45,931 --> 00:06:48,565
Leonard, I just wanted
to congratulate you on how well
162
00:06:48,634 --> 00:06:50,378
you are managing this grant money.
- What do you want?
163
00:06:50,402 --> 00:06:53,470
Nothing. I just came by
to pay you a compliment.
164
00:06:53,539 --> 00:06:54,671
Nice try.
The answer's no.
165
00:06:54,740 --> 00:06:57,808
To what? I'm not
asking you for anything.
166
00:06:57,876 --> 00:07:00,210
All I need for my job
is right here. Hmm?
167
00:07:00,279 --> 00:07:02,679
This is my office.
Which makes for a great commute.
168
00:07:02,748 --> 00:07:04,614
Home, work, home.
169
00:07:04,683 --> 00:07:07,384
I'm still working--
I'm just working from home.
170
00:07:07,453 --> 00:07:09,786
You know, if it's that easy,
then why does Leonard
171
00:07:09,855 --> 00:07:11,555
have to drive you
to work every day?
172
00:07:11,623 --> 00:07:14,224
Because I like the frozen yogurt
machine in the cafeteria.
173
00:07:14,293 --> 00:07:16,860
Ooh, I suppose I could use
a frozen yogurt machine...
174
00:07:16,929 --> 00:07:18,895
Denied!
175
00:07:21,667 --> 00:07:24,768
Oh, you should have seen him--
denying things left and right.
176
00:07:24,837 --> 00:07:27,237
It was so sexy.
177
00:07:28,774 --> 00:07:31,742
'Course, I made a request
he did not deny.
178
00:07:32,778 --> 00:07:34,144
Uh-huh.
179
00:07:34,213 --> 00:07:36,079
Are you listening to me?
180
00:07:36,148 --> 00:07:38,181
Yeah, sure.
You slept with your husband.
181
00:07:39,985 --> 00:07:42,052
What is going
on with you?
182
00:07:42,121 --> 00:07:43,854
It's not a big thing.
183
00:07:43,922 --> 00:07:46,923
Have you ever told Leonard
a little white lie?
184
00:07:46,992 --> 00:07:48,959
Mm. Well, he
thinks I've seen
185
00:07:49,027 --> 00:07:51,161
every one of the
Star Wars movies,
186
00:07:51,230 --> 00:07:54,798
but I've really only seen
the one with the gold robot.
187
00:07:58,036 --> 00:08:00,604
- That could be any of them.
- Exactly.
188
00:08:02,574 --> 00:08:04,674
I've been telling Howie
that I've had to work late
189
00:08:04,743 --> 00:08:06,243
the past couple nights,
but really,
190
00:08:06,311 --> 00:08:09,012
I've just been hiding out
in Howie's playhouse.
191
00:08:09,081 --> 00:08:10,781
Does that make me awful?
192
00:08:10,849 --> 00:08:12,048
Awful? No.
193
00:08:12,117 --> 00:08:14,718
Uh, strange? Yes.
194
00:08:14,787 --> 00:08:17,387
Sad? A little, yes.
195
00:08:17,456 --> 00:08:20,490
It's just that work's been crazy, and the
minute I get home, I have two kids
196
00:08:20,559 --> 00:08:22,492
hanging on me,
and sometimes I don't want
197
00:08:22,561 --> 00:08:24,961
babies pulling my hair
and pinching my belly fat.
198
00:08:25,030 --> 00:08:29,266
That'd be a good slogan
for a condom company.
199
00:08:30,369 --> 00:08:32,903
I love my kids,
but that hour to myself
200
00:08:32,971 --> 00:08:34,938
just makes me feel human again.
201
00:08:35,007 --> 00:08:38,408
So, you go home
and sit alone in a toy house
202
00:08:38,477 --> 00:08:39,910
in the backyard?
203
00:08:41,346 --> 00:08:43,480
Yeah!
204
00:08:45,918 --> 00:08:49,553
Oh, Dr. Hofstadter,
did you have a chance
205
00:08:49,621 --> 00:08:51,188
to look over my proposal?
- I did,
206
00:08:51,256 --> 00:08:52,956
and your research
is fascinating.
207
00:08:53,025 --> 00:08:55,292
I had no idea that crows
were that smart.
208
00:08:55,360 --> 00:08:56,793
Do they really hold grudges?
209
00:08:56,862 --> 00:08:58,662
They do. One
of them escaped
210
00:08:58,730 --> 00:09:00,831
from my behavioral
study a year ago.
211
00:09:00,899 --> 00:09:04,968
I can't prove it's him,
but something craps on my car every day.
212
00:09:05,037 --> 00:09:08,371
Well, l-look,
I only have enough money
213
00:09:08,440 --> 00:09:10,140
to fund one request,
but your project
214
00:09:10,209 --> 00:09:11,641
is definitely
in the running.
215
00:09:11,710 --> 00:09:14,978
Okay, but, uh, when do you think
you might make a decision?
216
00:09:15,047 --> 00:09:16,847
Because I have
to upgrade their cages
217
00:09:16,915 --> 00:09:19,349
before they learn
how to open the locks.
218
00:09:19,418 --> 00:09:21,852
When I came in to my lab
this morning,
219
00:09:21,920 --> 00:09:23,820
they suddenly got silent.
220
00:09:25,190 --> 00:09:27,991
I think they're
planning something.
221
00:09:29,428 --> 00:09:31,995
Um, soon. I've narrowed it
down to three projects.
222
00:09:32,064 --> 00:09:33,530
Ooh, is mine one
of them?
223
00:09:33,599 --> 00:09:34,865
Actually, yeah.
224
00:09:34,933 --> 00:09:36,366
The software in
the telescope room
225
00:09:36,435 --> 00:09:37,579
hasn't been
upgraded in years,
226
00:09:37,603 --> 00:09:39,469
and it seems like
it might be time.
227
00:09:39,538 --> 00:09:41,504
- Whoa, whoa, whoa!
- (chuckles)
228
00:09:41,573 --> 00:09:43,707
So you're just gonna give
the money to your friend?
229
00:09:43,775 --> 00:09:45,008
I smell a rat.
230
00:09:45,077 --> 00:09:46,009
I work with rats, too.
231
00:09:46,078 --> 00:09:47,677
That might be me.
232
00:09:48,914 --> 00:09:50,981
I'm not just giving it
to my friend, Barry.
233
00:09:51,049 --> 00:09:52,916
Your proposal is
also in the mix.
234
00:09:52,985 --> 00:09:54,751
Wait, so those
are the three?
235
00:09:54,820 --> 00:09:56,253
You're not
even considering mine?
236
00:09:56,321 --> 00:09:58,755
Why, because they're PhDs
and I'm just an engineer?
237
00:09:58,824 --> 00:10:01,157
No, because they wrote
detailed proposals,
238
00:10:01,226 --> 00:10:03,760
and you sent a YouTube clip
of the guy from Jerry Maguire
239
00:10:03,829 --> 00:10:05,996
saying, "Show me
the money!"
240
00:10:07,432 --> 00:10:08,543
KRIPKE:
All right, Hofstadter,
241
00:10:08,567 --> 00:10:09,499
what's it gonna be?
242
00:10:09,568 --> 00:10:10,934
Which project
are you gonna pick?
243
00:10:11,003 --> 00:10:12,102
Yeah, come on, Leonard.
244
00:10:12,170 --> 00:10:13,670
- Tell us now.
LEE: But, remember,
245
00:10:13,739 --> 00:10:17,607
crows aren't the only ones
who can hold a grudge.
246
00:10:17,676 --> 00:10:21,611
Look, all three of your
proposals have a lot of merit.
247
00:10:21,680 --> 00:10:23,791
I just want to make sure
I'm making the right decision.
248
00:10:23,815 --> 00:10:25,181
I can tell you're stressed.
249
00:10:25,250 --> 00:10:27,550
If it helps,
I withdraw my proposal.
250
00:10:27,619 --> 00:10:28,451
It doesn't help.
251
00:10:28,520 --> 00:10:29,564
Fine. Then I'm back in the mix.
252
00:10:29,588 --> 00:10:31,454
Show me the money!
253
00:10:33,325 --> 00:10:34,791
Okay, I-I just--
254
00:10:34,893 --> 00:10:37,260
I need everyone
to back off.
255
00:10:37,329 --> 00:10:40,196
I'm in charge here, and I'll
decide when I'm ready to decide.
256
00:10:40,265 --> 00:10:42,165
- When will that be?
- (groans)
257
00:10:42,234 --> 00:10:43,466
A day, a week.
I don't know!
258
00:10:43,535 --> 00:10:45,769
- Where are you going?
- I don't know that either!
259
00:10:47,000 --> 00:10:53,074
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260
00:10:54,234 --> 00:10:55,800
Ooh.
261
00:10:55,869 --> 00:10:58,803
Someone's
making decisions.
262
00:11:00,207 --> 00:11:01,673
I'm reviewing these proposals.
263
00:11:01,742 --> 00:11:03,675
Yeah. 'Cause you're
the boss man,
264
00:11:03,744 --> 00:11:04,910
telling people what's what.
265
00:11:04,978 --> 00:11:07,445
I like it.
266
00:11:07,514 --> 00:11:09,047
(whining):
It's just so hard!
267
00:11:09,116 --> 00:11:11,416
All-all three of these
proposals have merit.
268
00:11:11,485 --> 00:11:12,784
How do I choose?
269
00:11:12,853 --> 00:11:16,188
Well, not with that voice.
270
00:11:16,256 --> 00:11:19,157
There has got to be
a right decision
271
00:11:19,226 --> 00:11:20,559
based on empirical evidence.
272
00:11:20,627 --> 00:11:22,561
Look, I made pros
and cons lists,
273
00:11:22,629 --> 00:11:24,829
and then I came up with
three different scoring systems
274
00:11:24,898 --> 00:11:26,331
to determine
the best project.
275
00:11:26,400 --> 00:11:28,700
I just don't know
what scoring system to use.
276
00:11:28,769 --> 00:11:30,802
So I'm working on
a meta-scoring system
277
00:11:30,871 --> 00:11:31,981
to score the scoring systems,
278
00:11:32,005 --> 00:11:33,149
but the math is
really complicated.
279
00:11:33,173 --> 00:11:34,533
You want me
to walk you through it?
280
00:11:36,777 --> 00:11:40,212
- Cheers.
- Cheers.
281
00:11:42,115 --> 00:11:44,649
(sighs)
282
00:11:44,718 --> 00:11:46,558
Turn that off.
Are you trying to get us caught?
283
00:11:46,587 --> 00:11:47,587
Oh.
284
00:11:50,290 --> 00:11:53,959
So, I've narrowed it down
to three worthwhile projects,
285
00:11:54,027 --> 00:11:56,094
but I only have the money
to fund one of them.
286
00:11:56,163 --> 00:11:58,430
Lucky for you,
I have a solution.
287
00:11:58,498 --> 00:12:01,199
I can't wait.
288
00:12:01,268 --> 00:12:03,902
You free up more money
and I fund all of them.
289
00:12:03,971 --> 00:12:06,104
Mm, no.
290
00:12:06,173 --> 00:12:09,641
Or-- hear me out--
291
00:12:09,710 --> 00:12:11,476
yes.
292
00:12:12,913 --> 00:12:14,546
That way, e-everybody's happy.
293
00:12:14,615 --> 00:12:15,792
You can't make everybody happy.
294
00:12:15,816 --> 00:12:17,115
- I think I can.
- You can't.
295
00:12:17,184 --> 00:12:19,351
- Well, actually...
- You're making me unhappy.
296
00:12:20,487 --> 00:12:22,220
Okay, what would you do?
297
00:12:22,289 --> 00:12:24,689
I'd find some sap
and put him in charge
298
00:12:24,758 --> 00:12:27,425
so I wouldn't have
to be the bad guy.
299
00:12:28,495 --> 00:12:31,730
That's a really good id-- Oh.
300
00:12:37,104 --> 00:12:39,037
(gasps)
301
00:12:40,507 --> 00:12:41,973
Whatcha doin'?
302
00:12:42,042 --> 00:12:43,742
You scared me.
(chuckles)
303
00:12:43,810 --> 00:12:44,976
I'll ask again.
304
00:12:45,045 --> 00:12:47,212
What-cha doin'?
305
00:12:47,281 --> 00:12:49,481
Nothing.
306
00:12:49,549 --> 00:12:50,882
Really?
307
00:12:50,951 --> 00:12:53,151
You and Bernadette
aren't doing stuff without me?
308
00:12:53,220 --> 00:12:55,553
What? No!
Why would you even say that?
309
00:12:55,622 --> 00:12:57,522
You know how your talent
310
00:12:57,591 --> 00:12:59,991
is getting just drunk enough
to have a good time
311
00:13:00,060 --> 00:13:01,960
without being hungover
the next day?
312
00:13:02,029 --> 00:13:05,297
Thank you.
(chuckles)
313
00:13:05,365 --> 00:13:08,800
Well, mine is knowing
when I'm being excluded.
314
00:13:08,869 --> 00:13:10,735
So spill.
315
00:13:10,804 --> 00:13:12,737
I'm-I'm just running
some errands.
316
00:13:12,806 --> 00:13:14,939
Yeah?
317
00:13:15,008 --> 00:13:17,475
With a bag full of wine?
I...
318
00:13:17,544 --> 00:13:20,278
Got to stay hydrated.
319
00:13:20,347 --> 00:13:22,314
Try again.
320
00:13:22,382 --> 00:13:23,382
Okay, look, I'm sorry.
321
00:13:23,450 --> 00:13:25,016
We did not mean
to leave you out.
322
00:13:25,085 --> 00:13:27,285
All right? Bernadette has
been feeling fried at home,
323
00:13:27,354 --> 00:13:30,322
so we ended up hanging out
in Halley's playhouse.
324
00:13:30,390 --> 00:13:33,058
Like a secret club?
325
00:13:33,126 --> 00:13:35,727
No! Just, like, a
place to spend time
326
00:13:35,796 --> 00:13:37,896
that we don't tell
anyone else about.
327
00:13:41,101 --> 00:13:43,968
And what would be
a shorter way of saying that?
328
00:13:45,072 --> 00:13:48,473
(quietly):
Secret club.
329
00:13:48,542 --> 00:13:50,642
- Well, you really hurt my feelings.
- (sighs)
330
00:13:50,711 --> 00:13:52,577
What can I do to
make it up to you?
331
00:13:52,646 --> 00:13:53,646
I'm in a secret club!
332
00:13:53,680 --> 00:13:55,814
Shh!
333
00:13:55,882 --> 00:13:58,616
Is there some sort
of humiliating initiation?
334
00:13:58,685 --> 00:14:00,785
'Cause I would literally do
anything.
335
00:14:08,595 --> 00:14:10,195
Leonard, you've
been losing to me
336
00:14:10,263 --> 00:14:12,597
in three-dimensional chess
for many years.
337
00:14:12,666 --> 00:14:14,532
You know
what would be neat?
338
00:14:14,601 --> 00:14:16,968
If this was some sort
of long con
339
00:14:17,037 --> 00:14:19,170
and one day you say,
"Let's make this interesting,"
340
00:14:19,239 --> 00:14:20,805
put money on it, and reveal
341
00:14:20,874 --> 00:14:23,475
that you actually know
what you're doing.
342
00:14:27,414 --> 00:14:29,114
A very long con indeed.
343
00:14:29,182 --> 00:14:30,248
- Checkmate.
- (groans)
344
00:14:31,952 --> 00:14:33,618
Sorry. I'm distracted.
345
00:14:33,687 --> 00:14:35,854
Ooh, aren't you the hustler.
346
00:14:35,922 --> 00:14:38,523
No matter
who I give the funds to,
347
00:14:38,592 --> 00:14:40,525
someone is gonna be upset
with me.
348
00:14:40,594 --> 00:14:42,271
Do you really care
if people are angry at you?
349
00:14:42,295 --> 00:14:44,162
- Of course.
- Interesting.
350
00:14:44,231 --> 00:14:47,165
Why don't you go to the store
and get me some tapioca pudding
351
00:14:47,234 --> 00:14:49,701
or I'm gonna be angry at you.
352
00:14:49,770 --> 00:14:51,403
No.
353
00:14:51,471 --> 00:14:53,405
So it comes and goes?
354
00:14:53,473 --> 00:14:56,674
How do you not care what
people think of you?
355
00:14:56,743 --> 00:14:57,675
It's easy.
356
00:14:57,744 --> 00:14:59,288
I mean, not "beating you
at chess" easy,
357
00:14:59,312 --> 00:15:01,379
but what is?
358
00:15:02,482 --> 00:15:03,748
Wait,
359
00:15:03,817 --> 00:15:05,750
you can make this decision.
360
00:15:05,819 --> 00:15:08,019
You don't care if
you upset people.
361
00:15:08,088 --> 00:15:09,220
You can pick for me.
362
00:15:09,289 --> 00:15:10,321
I certainly could.
363
00:15:10,390 --> 00:15:12,023
- Oh, great.
- But I won't.
364
00:15:12,092 --> 00:15:14,392
I think this is
a learning opportunity for you.
365
00:15:14,461 --> 00:15:16,027
Sheldon, come on.
366
00:15:16,096 --> 00:15:17,529
Oh, I'm sorry.
Did I upset you?
367
00:15:17,597 --> 00:15:19,898
- Yes.
- Ask me how I feel about that.
368
00:15:23,036 --> 00:15:24,769
So where does Leonard
think you are?
369
00:15:24,838 --> 00:15:26,504
Oh, I told him
I was at yoga.
370
00:15:26,573 --> 00:15:29,507
(chuckles) Well,
you are stretching the truth.
371
00:15:29,576 --> 00:15:31,443
Yeah. Where does
Sheldon think you are?
372
00:15:31,511 --> 00:15:33,745
Oh, Sheldon's
kind of like a dog--
373
00:15:33,814 --> 00:15:35,558
he doesn't really think about me
when I'm gone,
374
00:15:35,582 --> 00:15:37,782
but he's so happy
when I show up.
375
00:15:38,819 --> 00:15:40,285
(oven dings)
Ooh.
376
00:15:40,353 --> 00:15:42,153
Who wants
an Easy-Bake quesadilla?
377
00:15:42,222 --> 00:15:43,721
Me!
378
00:15:43,790 --> 00:15:44,722
Ooh, hot.
379
00:15:44,791 --> 00:15:46,157
(door closes)
Shh.
380
00:15:46,226 --> 00:15:48,137
KOOTHRAPPALI: Thanks for
letting me come over and hang.
381
00:15:48,161 --> 00:15:49,662
So Leonard still hasn't
made a decision yet?
382
00:15:49,686 --> 00:15:50,696
No.
383
00:15:50,697 --> 00:15:52,330
And I've really been
laying on the guilt.
384
00:15:52,399 --> 00:15:54,165
Did you break out the sad eyes?
385
00:15:54,234 --> 00:15:56,234
You mean these bad boys?
386
00:15:58,772 --> 00:16:00,305
(whispering):
What do we do?
387
00:16:00,373 --> 00:16:02,318
We're just gonna have to wait
till they go back inside.
388
00:16:02,342 --> 00:16:04,776
Okay, okay. Can
we very quietly
389
00:16:04,845 --> 00:16:06,544
open that second bottle of...
390
00:16:06,613 --> 00:16:08,246
(oven dings)
391
00:16:08,315 --> 00:16:10,415
(quietly): Hey,
don't freak out,
392
00:16:10,484 --> 00:16:13,751
but I think there's
someone in your playhouse.
393
00:16:13,820 --> 00:16:16,321
Oh. Yeah,
that's just Bernadette.
394
00:16:18,692 --> 00:16:20,859
She's been hiding out
in there all week. (chuckles)
395
00:16:20,927 --> 00:16:22,727
Really? Why?
396
00:16:22,796 --> 00:16:25,029
(exhales)
I don't know.
397
00:16:25,098 --> 00:16:26,664
She's been
a little overwhelmed at work.
398
00:16:26,733 --> 00:16:29,501
And, frankly,
me and the kids are a lot.
399
00:16:29,569 --> 00:16:32,136
She just... (chuckles)
needs some downtime.
400
00:16:32,205 --> 00:16:34,072
And you just pretend
like you don't know?
401
00:16:34,140 --> 00:16:37,542
Sure. That's
how marriage works.
402
00:16:37,611 --> 00:16:38,977
Three years ago...
(chuckles)
403
00:16:39,045 --> 00:16:41,279
I told her I got life insurance,
404
00:16:41,381 --> 00:16:43,081
and I totally didn't.
405
00:16:43,149 --> 00:16:44,315
(laughs)
406
00:16:44,384 --> 00:16:46,918
Someday, she's gonna find out.
I'm gonna say,
407
00:16:46,987 --> 00:16:50,655
"Ha-ha! I know you've been
hiding in the playhouse."
408
00:16:50,724 --> 00:16:52,957
Why don't you just get
the life insurance?
409
00:16:54,060 --> 00:16:55,960
Whose side are you on?
410
00:16:57,230 --> 00:16:59,631
Can you hear
what they're saying?
411
00:16:59,699 --> 00:17:00,699
Shh, I'm trying.
412
00:17:00,734 --> 00:17:01,734
(cork pops)
413
00:17:01,768 --> 00:17:03,401
Huh.
414
00:17:03,470 --> 00:17:06,471
Sounds like Penny's
in there, too.
415
00:17:07,874 --> 00:17:11,042
Seriously, Leonard,
you didn't pick my project?
416
00:17:11,111 --> 00:17:12,111
I'm sorry, Raj.
417
00:17:12,145 --> 00:17:14,078
- Did you go with Crow Lady?
- No.
418
00:17:14,147 --> 00:17:15,480
You gave the money to Kripke?
419
00:17:15,549 --> 00:17:16,347
I did not.
420
00:17:16,416 --> 00:17:17,815
Wait, I'm confused.
421
00:17:17,884 --> 00:17:19,996
I thought there were only
three projects in contention.
422
00:17:20,020 --> 00:17:21,953
There were.
But, at the last minute,
423
00:17:22,022 --> 00:17:23,521
someone submitted an application
424
00:17:23,590 --> 00:17:26,024
for a pretty cool
europium-doped laser,
425
00:17:26,092 --> 00:17:27,892
and they made
a very compelling case.
426
00:17:27,961 --> 00:17:29,861
What was the case?
427
00:17:29,930 --> 00:17:33,565
Oh, that it was me
and I wanted it.
428
00:17:33,633 --> 00:17:34,699
You-you can't do that.
429
00:17:34,768 --> 00:17:36,367
You can't just fund
your own project.
430
00:17:36,436 --> 00:17:38,836
Uh, it turns out I can,
and I did.
431
00:17:39,940 --> 00:17:41,205
Interesting.
432
00:17:41,274 --> 00:17:43,274
What about not wanting
everybody to be mad at you?
433
00:17:43,343 --> 00:17:45,454
Well, I realized that,
no matter what decision I made,
434
00:17:45,478 --> 00:17:46,718
people were gonna be mad at me.
435
00:17:46,746 --> 00:17:49,347
And this way, I get a laser.
436
00:17:49,416 --> 00:17:52,317
That is the most selfish thing
you've ever done.
437
00:17:52,385 --> 00:17:53,451
I'm proud of you.
438
00:17:55,255 --> 00:17:56,754
- And I don't care.
- Yes, you do.
439
00:17:56,823 --> 00:17:58,323
Yeah, I do.
440
00:18:03,336 --> 00:18:05,336
The europium laser
is so cool.
441
00:18:05,404 --> 00:18:07,304
It has a four-level
f-f transition
442
00:18:07,373 --> 00:18:09,239
which provides for
high power output,
443
00:18:09,308 --> 00:18:11,942
and its quantum efficiency
is off the charts.
444
00:18:12,011 --> 00:18:13,310
What are you going
to use it for?
445
00:18:13,379 --> 00:18:14,778
I have no idea.
446
00:18:19,085 --> 00:18:20,517
Leonard,
447
00:18:20,586 --> 00:18:23,053
there's a crow
on your roof.
448
00:18:23,122 --> 00:18:24,421
I see it.
449
00:18:24,490 --> 00:18:27,358
Is that one
of Dr. Lee's crows?
450
00:18:27,426 --> 00:18:30,327
(caws)
It has a tag on its leg.
451
00:18:30,396 --> 00:18:32,363
(cawing)
452
00:18:33,966 --> 00:18:36,300
Don't make
any sudden moves.
453
00:18:36,369 --> 00:18:38,502
Smart. Let's stand
perfectly still and...
454
00:18:38,571 --> 00:18:40,504
He's the one
you want!
455
00:18:41,874 --> 00:18:43,140
(cawing)
456
00:18:44,438 --> 00:18:51,438
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
@elder_man
456
00:18:52,305 --> 00:19:52,785
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