[Script Info]
; This is an Advanced Sub Station Alpha v4+ script.
Title: Are You Being Served S08E06 Closed Circuit.WEBRip.HI.en
ScriptType: v4.00+
Collisions: Normal
PlayDepth: 0

[V4+ Styles]
Format: Name, Fontname, Fontsize, PrimaryColour, SecondaryColour, OutlineColour, BackColour, Bold, Italic, Underline, StrikeOut, ScaleX, ScaleY, Spacing, Angle, BorderStyle, Outline, Shadow, Alignment, MarginL, MarginR, MarginV, Encoding
Style: Default,Arial,20,&H00FFFFFF,&H0300FFFF,&H00000000,&H02000000,0,0,0,0,100,100,0,0,1,2,1,2,10,10,10,1

[Events]
Format: Layer, Start, End, Style, Name, MarginL, MarginR, MarginV, Effect, Text
Dialogue: 0,0:00:02.35,0:00:05.52,Default,,0,0,0,,(cash register dings)
Dialogue: 0,0:00:07.83,0:00:09.30,Default,,0,0,0,,♫ Ground floor perfumery,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:09.32,0:00:10.39,Default,,0,0,0,,♫ stationery and leather goods,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:10.41,0:00:13.59,Default,,0,0,0,,♫ wigs and haberdashery
Dialogue: 0,0:00:13.62,0:00:17.97,Default,,0,0,0,,♫ kitchenware and food. Going up.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:17.99,0:00:19.85,Default,,0,0,0,,- Mr. Spooner, Mr. Humphries
Dialogue: 0,0:00:19.87,0:00:20.99,Default,,0,0,0,,Set the table up for\Nthe meeting, will you?
Dialogue: 0,0:00:21.02,0:00:22.76,Default,,0,0,0,,- Certainly Captain Peacock.\N- Certainly, Captain Peacock.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:22.79,0:00:26.04,Default,,0,0,0,,- Oh Captain Peacock, I can't\Nstay more than 30 minutes.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:26.07,0:00:27.80,Default,,0,0,0,,I have to collect Mrs.\NKlein from the dentist.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:27.82,0:00:29.34,Default,,0,0,0,,You see, after she has gas, she goes
Dialogue: 0,0:00:29.37,0:00:31.26,Default,,0,0,0,,all funny and can't remember anything.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:31.29,0:00:33.13,Default,,0,0,0,,- In that case Mr. Klein,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:33.15,0:00:34.09,Default,,0,0,0,,she won't know you're late, will she?
Dialogue: 0,0:00:34.12,0:00:36.60,Default,,0,0,0,,(audience laughs)
Dialogue: 0,0:00:36.62,0:00:38.08,Default,,0,0,0,,- I can't be late either.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:38.11,0:00:40.00,Default,,0,0,0,,I've got to be at the first aid post
Dialogue: 0,0:00:40.02,0:00:40.90,Default,,0,0,0,,at the roller disco by seven.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:40.92,0:00:42.52,Default,,0,0,0,,(audience laughs)
Dialogue: 0,0:00:42.55,0:00:43.36,Default,,0,0,0,,- Have you got another job there?
Dialogue: 0,0:00:43.38,0:00:44.28,Default,,0,0,0,,- No, I got there to skate, but I'm always
Dialogue: 0,0:00:44.31,0:00:46.89,Default,,0,0,0,,in the first aid post by seven.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:47.97,0:00:50.13,Default,,0,0,0,,- He's not looking. C'mon.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:53.55,0:00:56.42,Default,,0,0,0,,- Ms. Slocombe. Miss Brahms.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:56.45,0:00:57.53,Default,,0,0,0,,Were you forgetting about the conference?
Dialogue: 0,0:00:57.55,0:00:59.50,Default,,0,0,0,,- Oh is it tonight? (laughs)
Dialogue: 0,0:00:59.53,0:01:01.25,Default,,0,0,0,,It had completely gone out of my mind.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:01.27,0:01:03.51,Default,,0,0,0,,Hadn't it yours, Miss Brahms?
Dialogue: 0,0:01:03.53,0:01:06.46,Default,,0,0,0,,- Yes. I can't think why you\Nwant me, Captain Peacock.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:06.49,0:01:08.41,Default,,0,0,0,,I've never given you any ideas yet.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:08.44,0:01:10.77,Default,,0,0,0,,- That's not entirely true, Miss. Brahms.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:10.80,0:01:13.71,Default,,0,0,0,,(audience laughs)
Dialogue: 0,0:01:15.97,0:01:17.47,Default,,0,0,0,,- See, I got, now.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:18.33,0:01:20.10,Default,,0,0,0,,I heard you was having\Na late night conference,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:20.13,0:01:23.09,Default,,0,0,0,,so I brought some tea what\Nwe brewed up in backing.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:23.11,0:01:24.64,Default,,0,0,0,,- Oh that's very kind of you, Mr. Harman.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:24.66,0:01:26.17,Default,,0,0,0,,- Biscuit? Bit of cake?
Dialogue: 0,0:01:26.19,0:01:27.97,Default,,0,0,0,,- Yes, thank you.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:28.00,0:01:29.69,Default,,0,0,0,,This is very considerate\Nof you, Mr. Harman.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:29.71,0:01:32.65,Default,,0,0,0,,- Yeah, well I've got rich\Ntea, chocolate, button bowls,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:32.67,0:01:34.39,Default,,0,0,0,,swiss roll, or should there be any demand,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:34.42,0:01:36.01,Default,,0,0,0,,one portion of fairy cake.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:36.03,0:01:39.37,Default,,0,0,0,,(audience laughs)
Dialogue: 0,0:01:39.39,0:01:40.30,Default,,0,0,0,,- As I said, most considerate of you.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:40.33,0:01:43.58,Default,,0,0,0,,- Yeah, that's no problem\Nat all. Uh, 35 p each.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:43.60,0:01:44.83,Default,,0,0,0,,(audience laughs)
Dialogue: 0,0:01:44.86,0:01:46.53,Default,,0,0,0,,- That's outrageous.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:46.55,0:01:48.22,Default,,0,0,0,,- Ah, I'm glad you're\Nall ready. Do sit down.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:48.24,0:01:49.05,Default,,0,0,0,,- Thank you, sir.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:49.08,0:01:49.89,Default,,0,0,0,,(chairs scuffling)
Dialogue: 0,0:01:49.91,0:01:53.37,Default,,0,0,0,,- Oh, tea and cakes.\NWell, think we'll have
Dialogue: 0,0:01:53.39,0:01:54.20,Default,,0,0,0,,those on the firm.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:54.23,0:01:56.34,Default,,0,0,0,,- It's 35 pence each, sir.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:56.36,0:01:58.18,Default,,0,0,0,,- I think we'll have those off the floor.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:58.20,0:01:59.77,Default,,0,0,0,,Take them away, Mr. Harman.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:59.80,0:02:01.61,Default,,0,0,0,,- I retire defeated.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:01.64,0:02:03.65,Default,,0,0,0,,I would just like you to know\Nthat if you're still here
Dialogue: 0,0:02:03.68,0:02:06.20,Default,,0,0,0,,in 15 minutes time, I will have locked up.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:06.22,0:02:07.50,Default,,0,0,0,,I've got the master key,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:07.53,0:02:10.34,Default,,0,0,0,,and it'll cost you 35 p each to get out.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:10.36,0:02:11.94,Default,,0,0,0,,(audience laughs)
Dialogue: 0,0:02:11.96,0:02:14.03,Default,,0,0,0,,- Look, before we start, if we're going
Dialogue: 0,0:02:14.05,0:02:16.79,Default,,0,0,0,,to be stuck here having a\Nconflab for hours and hours,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:16.82,0:02:19.26,Default,,0,0,0,,I've got to make a phone call.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:19.29,0:02:20.88,Default,,0,0,0,,- Oh well if you must, you must,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:20.91,0:02:22.10,Default,,0,0,0,,but please make it a short one.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:22.13,0:02:25.01,Default,,0,0,0,,- I'll be as long as it takes.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:25.04,0:02:26.43,Default,,0,0,0,,- Are you gonna call that oil rigger
Dialogue: 0,0:02:26.45,0:02:29.05,Default,,0,0,0,,that was chatting you up\Nin the pub last night?
Dialogue: 0,0:02:29.07,0:02:31.65,Default,,0,0,0,,- Certainly not. I wouldn't\Ndream of such a thing.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:31.67,0:02:34.37,Default,,0,0,0,,- In that case then, I'll\Nthrow his phone number away.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:34.39,0:02:37.04,Default,,0,0,0,,- Don't litter the floor, Miss Brahms.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:37.06,0:02:40.31,Default,,0,0,0,,Give it to me. I'll dispose of it later.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:40.34,0:02:42.47,Default,,0,0,0,,- You know I can't bear\Nthem big muscly men
Dialogue: 0,0:02:42.50,0:02:44.79,Default,,0,0,0,,with hairy chests and tattoos.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:44.81,0:02:46.66,Default,,0,0,0,,They can only think of one thing.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:46.69,0:02:48.64,Default,,0,0,0,,- I quite agree. Is\Nthat a five or an eight?
Dialogue: 0,0:02:48.67,0:02:50.67,Default,,0,0,0,,(audience laughs)
Dialogue: 0,0:02:50.69,0:02:53.54,Default,,0,0,0,,- Please hurry up, Ms. Slocombe.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:53.57,0:02:57.06,Default,,0,0,0,,- I'm waiting for him to answer.\NIt's my next-door neighbor.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:57.09,0:03:00.38,Default,,0,0,0,,- Oh hello. Hello, is that Mr. Akbar?
Dialogue: 0,0:03:00.40,0:03:03.91,Default,,0,0,0,,Ms. Slocombe here, your\Nnext-door neighbor.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:03.93,0:03:06.68,Default,,0,0,0,,I wonder would you do me a favor?
Dialogue: 0,0:03:07.69,0:03:10.84,Default,,0,0,0,,Would you go to my front door, bend down,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:10.87,0:03:14.47,Default,,0,0,0,,and look through the letter\Nbox, and if you can see
Dialogue: 0,0:03:14.49,0:03:18.33,Default,,0,0,0,,my pussy, would you drop\Na sardine on the mat?
Dialogue: 0,0:03:19.89,0:03:23.39,Default,,0,0,0,,(audience laughs)
Dialogue: 0,0:03:23.42,0:03:26.83,Default,,0,0,0,,No, Mr. Akbar, I'm at work. Hello? Hello?
Dialogue: 0,0:03:27.67,0:03:31.84,Default,,0,0,0,,Oh, somebody's cut us off.\NOh, I do hope he understands.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:34.49,0:03:38.60,Default,,0,0,0,,His English isn't too good,\Nbut he's very obliging.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:38.63,0:03:40.70,Default,,0,0,0,,- Well, I'll come straight to the point.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:40.73,0:03:44.04,Default,,0,0,0,,Sales figures last week were\Nthe worst on record, now why?
Dialogue: 0,0:03:44.06,0:03:46.13,Default,,0,0,0,,We've got a good name,\Nwe're in a good position.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:46.16,0:03:48.07,Default,,0,0,0,,Why aren't people coming into the store?
Dialogue: 0,0:03:48.09,0:03:51.38,Default,,0,0,0,,- I blame it on the buses.\NThere's less of them.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:51.41,0:03:52.46,Default,,0,0,0,,- What's that got to do with it?
Dialogue: 0,0:03:52.48,0:03:55.43,Default,,0,0,0,,- Well, because there's less\Nof them, they're more crowded,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:55.46,0:03:56.75,Default,,0,0,0,,so more people are standing up,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:56.77,0:03:58.56,Default,,0,0,0,,and they're not wearing\Nout their trousers.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:58.58,0:04:01.49,Default,,0,0,0,,- And skirts.\N- And skirts.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:01.51,0:04:03.70,Default,,0,0,0,,- What do you think, Captain Peacock?
Dialogue: 0,0:04:03.73,0:04:06.57,Default,,0,0,0,,- I think it's the silliest\Nsuggestion I've ever heard.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:06.60,0:04:08.09,Default,,0,0,0,,- Well you come up with something then.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:08.12,0:04:10.46,Default,,0,0,0,,- Yes, you haven't come\Nup with anything yet.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:10.49,0:04:14.25,Default,,0,0,0,,- (Sighs) Ms. Slocombe, the\Nreason why our sales are so bad
Dialogue: 0,0:04:14.27,0:04:16.04,Default,,0,0,0,,is as plain as the nose on your face.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:16.07,0:04:18.58,Default,,0,0,0,,- Yeah, and that's pretty plain.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:18.61,0:04:20.81,Default,,0,0,0,,- We're in a recession.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:20.84,0:04:22.62,Default,,0,0,0,,- Lally and Willits\Nare not in a recession.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:22.64,0:04:25.02,Default,,0,0,0,,Their store's always\Npacked, business is booming.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:25.05,0:04:27.48,Default,,0,0,0,,- Ah well, they're modern, aren't they?
Dialogue: 0,0:04:27.51,0:04:29.22,Default,,0,0,0,,- Yes, they've got a young management
Dialogue: 0,0:04:29.24,0:04:31.54,Default,,0,0,0,,with drive and ideas of their own.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:31.56,0:04:32.97,Default,,0,0,0,,- They've got a big\Ntelevision screen outside
Dialogue: 0,0:04:33.00,0:04:34.65,Default,,0,0,0,,showing what's on in the store.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:34.67,0:04:37.20,Default,,0,0,0,,Friend of mine put that\Nin, shows all the bargains
Dialogue: 0,0:04:37.23,0:04:38.60,Default,,0,0,0,,in all the different departments,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:38.63,0:04:40.93,Default,,0,0,0,,and it makes it cozy and interesting.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:40.96,0:04:43.11,Default,,0,0,0,,(phone ringing)\N- I think. Ah.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:43.13,0:04:45.20,Default,,0,0,0,,I believe Mr. Grace\Nwanting a progress report.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:45.22,0:04:47.86,Default,,0,0,0,,I think Mr. Humphries may\Nhave put his finger on it.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:47.88,0:04:50.51,Default,,0,0,0,,(audience laughs)
Dialogue: 0,0:04:50.53,0:04:53.94,Default,,0,0,0,,Hello. Ah-ha, Mr. Grace.\NI'm glad you called, sir.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:53.96,0:04:56.66,Default,,0,0,0,,I've just had the most exciting idea.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:56.68,0:04:59.81,Default,,0,0,0,,Why don't we do what Lally\Nand Willits have done?
Dialogue: 0,0:04:59.84,0:05:02.61,Default,,0,0,0,,I suggest we put a\Ntelevision screen inside
Dialogue: 0,0:05:02.63,0:05:05.05,Default,,0,0,0,,and outside the store\Nto show what's going on
Dialogue: 0,0:05:05.07,0:05:07.87,Default,,0,0,0,,and to advertise our special offers.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:07.89,0:05:10.88,Default,,0,0,0,,- I like it, Rumbold. You've\Ncome up with the goods.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:10.90,0:05:13.35,Default,,0,0,0,,Uh, don't spend too much money.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:13.37,0:05:18.00,Default,,0,0,0,,(audience laughs)\N(cash register dings)
Dialogue: 0,0:05:18.03,0:05:20.36,Default,,0,0,0,,(footsteps)
Dialogue: 0,0:05:23.43,0:05:26.87,Default,,0,0,0,,- Ah, sorry I'm late. My\Nconnection failed to connect.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:26.89,0:05:28.77,Default,,0,0,0,,- This is my friend Mr. Fortescue.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:28.79,0:05:31.70,Default,,0,0,0,,- Oh good. (laughs) What\Nexactly does this entail?
Dialogue: 0,0:05:31.73,0:05:34.39,Default,,0,0,0,,- Well, at Lally and Willits, what we did,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:34.41,0:05:36.27,Default,,0,0,0,,we chose a member from\Neach floor to be a kind
Dialogue: 0,0:05:36.29,0:05:38.43,Default,,0,0,0,,of Parkinson character, you\Nknow that sort of thing,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:38.45,0:05:40.76,Default,,0,0,0,,and they introduced each\Nmember of the department
Dialogue: 0,0:05:40.79,0:05:44.40,Default,,0,0,0,,so they could chat about their\Nspecial offers, you know?
Dialogue: 0,0:05:44.42,0:05:47.18,Default,,0,0,0,,Now, who's gonna be the\NParkinson of this department?
Dialogue: 0,0:05:47.20,0:05:49.51,Default,,0,0,0,,- I am.\N- What an unexpected choice.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:49.54,0:05:51.87,Default,,0,0,0,,(audience laughs)
Dialogue: 0,0:05:51.89,0:05:54.06,Default,,0,0,0,,- I think I have more experience
Dialogue: 0,0:05:54.09,0:05:55.81,Default,,0,0,0,,at this sort of thing\Nthan anybody else here.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:55.84,0:05:58.38,Default,,0,0,0,,After all, I'm used to\Nspeaking at board meetings.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:58.41,0:06:00.48,Default,,0,0,0,,- With the emphasis on the bored.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:00.51,0:06:01.77,Default,,0,0,0,,(audience laughs)
Dialogue: 0,0:06:01.79,0:06:03.75,Default,,0,0,0,,- I'll just go and get\Nmy hat and coat off.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:03.77,0:06:06.60,Default,,0,0,0,,- Right, I'll switch this\Non and see if it's working.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:06.63,0:06:08.46,Default,,0,0,0,,Ah, yes, there we are.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:09.98,0:06:10.79,Default,,0,0,0,,- Oh look, there's a picture
Dialogue: 0,0:06:10.82,0:06:12.77,Default,,0,0,0,,of that dummy come up on this screen.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:12.79,0:06:16.79,Default,,0,0,0,,- Oh, I've always wanted\Nto see meself on tele.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:16.82,0:06:18.57,Default,,0,0,0,,Here, point it at me.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:21.49,0:06:22.76,Default,,0,0,0,,Oh, just look at that.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:22.79,0:06:25.00,Default,,0,0,0,,(audience laughs)
Dialogue: 0,0:06:25.03,0:06:28.46,Default,,0,0,0,,I think you must have something\Nwrong with your camera.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:28.49,0:06:29.62,Default,,0,0,0,,I look all fat.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:29.64,0:06:32.20,Default,,0,0,0,,(audience laughs)
Dialogue: 0,0:06:32.23,0:06:34.61,Default,,0,0,0,,- There's nothing wrong with my equipment.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:34.63,0:06:36.57,Default,,0,0,0,,(Slocombe groans)\N(audience laughs)
Dialogue: 0,0:06:36.60,0:06:38.86,Default,,0,0,0,,- Let me have decko.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:38.88,0:06:40.08,Default,,0,0,0,,(quick footsteps)
Dialogue: 0,0:06:40.10,0:06:44.06,Default,,0,0,0,,Oh, oh look at my face.\NI should be in pictures.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:44.08,0:06:45.52,Default,,0,0,0,,- You know, I knew a girl who looked
Dialogue: 0,0:06:45.54,0:06:47.48,Default,,0,0,0,,just like you tried to get into pictures.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:47.50,0:06:49.38,Default,,0,0,0,,- Oh yeah? What happened to her?
Dialogue: 0,0:06:49.40,0:06:51.52,Default,,0,0,0,,- She ended up on the cutting room floor.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:51.54,0:06:52.59,Default,,0,0,0,,(audience laughs)
Dialogue: 0,0:06:52.61,0:06:57.00,Default,,0,0,0,,- Oh what a shame. What picture\Nwas she supposed to be in?
Dialogue: 0,0:06:57.02,0:06:58.59,Default,,0,0,0,,- She wasn't supposed\Nto be in any picture.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:58.61,0:07:00.02,Default,,0,0,0,,She wasn't even supposed\Nto be in the cutting room.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:00.05,0:07:01.99,Default,,0,0,0,,(audience laughs)
Dialogue: 0,0:07:02.01,0:07:04.12,Default,,0,0,0,,- Uh Mr. Humphries, could\NI have a word with you?
Dialogue: 0,0:07:04.14,0:07:07.33,Default,,0,0,0,,- Certainly.\N(footsteps)
Dialogue: 0,0:07:07.35,0:07:08.44,Default,,0,0,0,,(audience laughs)
Dialogue: 0,0:07:08.46,0:07:12.55,Default,,0,0,0,,- Mr. Humphries, I have\Na little problem, no, no.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:13.79,0:07:15.88,Default,,0,0,0,,In the past, Mr.\NHumphries, I have found it
Dialogue: 0,0:07:15.90,0:07:20.31,Default,,0,0,0,,very difficult handling people\Nwho aren't actually actors.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:20.34,0:07:21.89,Default,,0,0,0,,I mean, they can be so\Nsensitive, can't they?
Dialogue: 0,0:07:21.91,0:07:22.72,Default,,0,0,0,,- Oh they can, they can.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:22.75,0:07:24.80,Default,,0,0,0,,- And they get upset so easily.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:24.83,0:07:28.65,Default,,0,0,0,,So what I wondered was\Ncould you use your tact,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:28.68,0:07:33.44,Default,,0,0,0,,and may I say charm, to convey\Nto these people my wishes?
Dialogue: 0,0:07:33.46,0:07:34.94,Default,,0,0,0,,I mean, after all, you do\Nknow them very well don't you?
Dialogue: 0,0:07:34.96,0:07:38.30,Default,,0,0,0,,- Like the back of me hand.\N- And I do know you.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:38.32,0:07:41.16,Default,,0,0,0,,(audience laughs)
Dialogue: 0,0:07:42.31,0:07:44.58,Default,,0,0,0,,- May I say one gin and tonic\Nin the Grenadier's Retreat
Dialogue: 0,0:07:44.61,0:07:47.22,Default,,0,0,0,,does not amount to a lasting friendship.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:47.24,0:07:50.82,Default,,0,0,0,,I'll do me best for you.\N- Thank you.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:50.85,0:07:53.23,Default,,0,0,0,,- Right, I'm ready. What do I have to do?
Dialogue: 0,0:07:53.25,0:07:55.80,Default,,0,0,0,,- Well, first of all\Npeople, could I have you all
Dialogue: 0,0:07:55.82,0:07:58.52,Default,,0,0,0,,on this side of the camera please?
Dialogue: 0,0:07:58.55,0:07:59.36,Default,,0,0,0,,And nice and quiet, you know. Thank you.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:59.38,0:08:01.50,Default,,0,0,0,,(footsteps)
Dialogue: 0,0:08:01.52,0:08:03.04,Default,,0,0,0,,Here we are. (claps)
Dialogue: 0,0:08:03.06,0:08:05.87,Default,,0,0,0,,Uh, except you sir. If\Nyou'd come over here.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:05.90,0:08:08.33,Default,,0,0,0,,And what I'd like you to do,\Ntake hold of this microphone.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:08.36,0:08:10.86,Default,,0,0,0,,Thank you, and sit down there.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:11.71,0:08:15.71,Default,,0,0,0,,Alright, that's it,\Nalright, and say your piece.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:17.31,0:08:18.46,Default,,0,0,0,,- How's this?
Dialogue: 0,0:08:18.48,0:08:22.54,Default,,0,0,0,,- Oh no, no, no, hold\Nit. Look at that head.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:22.56,0:08:26.58,Default,,0,0,0,,It's shining like the dome of St. Paul's.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:26.61,0:08:28.01,Default,,0,0,0,,I mean, it's the top\Nhalf of Humpty Dumpty.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:28.03,0:08:29.07,Default,,0,0,0,,We can't have that.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:29.09,0:08:29.90,Default,,0,0,0,,(audience laughs)
Dialogue: 0,0:08:29.93,0:08:32.35,Default,,0,0,0,,Go and tell him, Mr. Humphries.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:32.38,0:08:33.29,Default,,0,0,0,,- Who me?
Dialogue: 0,0:08:33.32,0:08:36.00,Default,,0,0,0,,- Well you said you\Nwould. Go and tell him.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:36.03,0:08:37.27,Default,,0,0,0,,(footsteps)
Dialogue: 0,0:08:37.29,0:08:40.08,Default,,0,0,0,,- Very good, Mr. Rumbold,\Nvery good indeed.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:40.10,0:08:41.75,Default,,0,0,0,,We've got a slight lighting problem.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:41.78,0:08:44.94,Default,,0,0,0,,Ms. Slocombe, can I\Nborrow your powder puff?
Dialogue: 0,0:08:44.96,0:08:48.30,Default,,0,0,0,,- Do you want the pale one\Nor the one you had before?
Dialogue: 0,0:08:48.32,0:08:49.82,Default,,0,0,0,,- The dark one will do.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:49.84,0:08:54.01,Default,,0,0,0,,- Personally I'd favor\Nsandpaper and French chalk.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:55.17,0:08:57.96,Default,,0,0,0,,- Hey, go easy with that.\NIt costs 10 p a carton.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:57.99,0:09:00.82,Default,,0,0,0,,(audience laughs)
Dialogue: 0,0:09:02.30,0:09:03.40,Default,,0,0,0,,- How's that?
Dialogue: 0,0:09:03.43,0:09:04.29,Default,,0,0,0,,- Well, it's better, but we've got
Dialogue: 0,0:09:04.32,0:09:07.61,Default,,0,0,0,,to do something about those ghastly ears.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:07.63,0:09:09.24,Default,,0,0,0,,- He looks like a hang glider.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:09.27,0:09:12.36,Default,,0,0,0,,(audience laughs)
Dialogue: 0,0:09:12.39,0:09:15.47,Default,,0,0,0,,- I'd have said more like a wing nut.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:16.31,0:09:17.45,Default,,0,0,0,,- Shall I say my piece now?
Dialogue: 0,0:09:17.48,0:09:19.33,Default,,0,0,0,,- Not yet, not yet, Mr. Rumbold,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:19.35,0:09:21.40,Default,,0,0,0,,we've got a couple of problems.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:21.42,0:09:23.33,Default,,0,0,0,,- Yes, one on either side.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:23.36,0:09:24.63,Default,,0,0,0,,(audience laughs)
Dialogue: 0,0:09:24.66,0:09:26.13,Default,,0,0,0,,- Mr. Humphries you'll have to tell him.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:26.15,0:09:28.87,Default,,0,0,0,,We've got to get rid of\Nthose ridiculous ears.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:28.89,0:09:32.85,Default,,0,0,0,,- No wonder you find people sensitive.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:32.87,0:09:35.49,Default,,0,0,0,,Very good, Mr. Rumbold, very good indeed.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:35.52,0:09:36.44,Default,,0,0,0,,It's rather, we've got a slight problem.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:36.47,0:09:38.05,Default,,0,0,0,,It's rather a narrow screen, you see?
Dialogue: 0,0:09:38.07,0:09:39.31,Default,,0,0,0,,We can't get you all in.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:39.33,0:09:40.89,Default,,0,0,0,,(audience laughs)
Dialogue: 0,0:09:40.91,0:09:43.21,Default,,0,0,0,,- Would it help if I breathed in?
Dialogue: 0,0:09:43.24,0:09:46.82,Default,,0,0,0,,- Not unless you've\Ngot lungs in your head.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:48.35,0:09:51.13,Default,,0,0,0,,How's that?\N- That's better.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:51.15,0:09:53.73,Default,,0,0,0,,- Mr. Spooner, cellotape quick.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:55.20,0:09:56.01,Default,,0,0,0,,(quick footsteps)
Dialogue: 0,0:09:56.03,0:09:58.35,Default,,0,0,0,,- Here you are, Mr. Humprhies.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:58.37,0:09:59.96,Default,,0,0,0,,- Thank you.\N(tape peeling)
Dialogue: 0,0:09:59.98,0:10:04.15,Default,,0,0,0,,(audience jeers)\N(audience laughs)
Dialogue: 0,0:10:09.20,0:10:12.77,Default,,0,0,0,,- Yes, yes, that's a marked improvement.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:12.79,0:10:14.94,Default,,0,0,0,,- We seem to have traveled
Dialogue: 0,0:10:14.97,0:10:15.99,Default,,0,0,0,,from the grotesque to the bizarre.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:16.01,0:10:17.10,Default,,0,0,0,,(audience laughs)
Dialogue: 0,0:10:17.13,0:10:19.57,Default,,0,0,0,,- You know, I still don't like his head.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:19.60,0:10:22.13,Default,,0,0,0,,- Well that's rather unfortunate,\Nbecause his mouth's in it,
Dialogue: 0,0:10:22.15,0:10:25.32,Default,,0,0,0,,and that's the bit we're going to use.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:26.90,0:10:28.25,Default,,0,0,0,,- Shall I speak now?
Dialogue: 0,0:10:28.27,0:10:31.65,Default,,0,0,0,,- No, not yet.\N- Can't we try a wig on him?
Dialogue: 0,0:10:31.68,0:10:33.01,Default,,0,0,0,,- Or a hat rack.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:40.26,0:10:42.36,Default,,0,0,0,,- I wonder if you'd mind\Ntrying one of these.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:42.38,0:10:45.51,Default,,0,0,0,,They're very popular with news readers.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:45.54,0:10:47.50,Default,,0,0,0,,- I don't mind having\Na bald head. (laughs)
Dialogue: 0,0:10:47.52,0:10:50.69,Default,,0,0,0,,Actually it's considered\Nto be rather virile.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:50.72,0:10:52.10,Default,,0,0,0,,- That's the trouble, we\Ndon't want people coming
Dialogue: 0,0:10:52.12,0:10:54.40,Default,,0,0,0,,into the store for the wrong reasons.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:54.42,0:10:55.87,Default,,0,0,0,,(Humphries laughs)
Dialogue: 0,0:10:55.90,0:11:00.06,Default,,0,0,0,,(applause)\N(audience laughs)
Dialogue: 0,0:11:02.20,0:11:05.06,Default,,0,0,0,,- [Humphries] How's that?\N- Yes, yes, yes I'll buy that.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:05.08,0:11:06.80,Default,,0,0,0,,- It'll be 12 pound 50.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:06.83,0:11:08.87,Default,,0,0,0,,(audience laughs)
Dialogue: 0,0:11:08.89,0:11:11.30,Default,,0,0,0,,- No I mean, I accept it as\Na... It's a technical term.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:11.33,0:11:12.86,Default,,0,0,0,,Oh, you wouldn't understand.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:12.88,0:11:14.02,Default,,0,0,0,,(audience laughs)
Dialogue: 0,0:11:14.05,0:11:15.72,Default,,0,0,0,,- Well I think we're about ready.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:15.74,0:11:16.55,Default,,0,0,0,,- Alright, we'll take our positions.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:16.57,0:11:18.30,Default,,0,0,0,,Ms. Slocombe, if you'll go\Nup there, you'll be first.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:18.32,0:11:20.16,Default,,0,0,0,,Now then, Mr. Rumbold,\Nwhat I want you to do
Dialogue: 0,0:11:20.18,0:11:21.55,Default,,0,0,0,,is say the first part of your speech.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:21.58,0:11:24.26,Default,,0,0,0,,You stand up, you introduce Ms. Slocombe
Dialogue: 0,0:11:24.29,0:11:25.95,Default,,0,0,0,,and hand over to her, alright?
Dialogue: 0,0:11:25.97,0:11:27.22,Default,,0,0,0,,And cue.\N- What?
Dialogue: 0,0:11:28.44,0:11:29.36,Default,,0,0,0,,(audience laughs)
Dialogue: 0,0:11:29.39,0:11:32.05,Default,,0,0,0,,Go.\N- Oh, good morning shoppers.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:33.22,0:11:36.14,Default,,0,0,0,,Or afternoon as the case may be.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:36.16,0:11:37.62,Default,,0,0,0,,It's all happening here on the first floor
Dialogue: 0,0:11:37.64,0:11:39.47,Default,,0,0,0,,at Grace Brothers.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:39.50,0:11:42.36,Default,,0,0,0,,We've got bargains\Ngalore and special offers
Dialogue: 0,0:11:42.39,0:11:47.20,Default,,0,0,0,,you'll never believe and friendly,\Nhappy, jolly salespeople.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:47.22,0:11:51.73,Default,,0,0,0,,And here to tell you more\Nabout it is Ms. Slocombe.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:51.76,0:11:53.32,Default,,0,0,0,,Hello there, Ms. Slocombe.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:53.35,0:11:54.70,Default,,0,0,0,,(audience laughs)
Dialogue: 0,0:11:54.72,0:11:56.98,Default,,0,0,0,,- Hello there, Mr. Rumbold.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:57.00,0:12:00.34,Default,,0,0,0,,Yes, it's all happening\Nin my underwear today.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:00.36,0:12:03.19,Default,,0,0,0,,(audience laughs)
Dialogue: 0,0:12:04.20,0:12:06.15,Default,,0,0,0,,- Yes, I've been telling the shoppers.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:06.17,0:12:10.46,Default,,0,0,0,,I've been telling them about\Nyour marvelous bargains.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:10.48,0:12:11.61,Default,,0,0,0,,- I don't blame you.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:11.63,0:12:13.83,Default,,0,0,0,,I've got things that are bigger, better,
Dialogue: 0,0:12:13.85,0:12:18.02,Default,,0,0,0,,and cheaper than anywhere\Nelse, so come up and see me.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:18.92,0:12:20.87,Default,,0,0,0,,(applause)
Dialogue: 0,0:12:20.90,0:12:22.31,Default,,0,0,0,,- No, no, no, no.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:26.49,0:12:27.30,Default,,0,0,0,,No, you'll have to stop, Ms. Slocombe.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:27.32,0:12:28.49,Default,,0,0,0,,- What's the matter?
Dialogue: 0,0:12:28.51,0:12:31.17,Default,,0,0,0,,- Well, it's the line.\NJust look at those lines.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:31.19,0:12:33.35,Default,,0,0,0,,- Well, can't you adjust your set?
Dialogue: 0,0:12:33.38,0:12:36.69,Default,,0,0,0,,- They're not on the\Nscreen. They're on her face.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:36.72,0:12:39.01,Default,,0,0,0,,Go and tell her she looks 110.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:39.04,0:12:40.76,Default,,0,0,0,,(audience laughs)
Dialogue: 0,0:12:40.78,0:12:44.45,Default,,0,0,0,,- Be tactful, Mr. Humphries.\N- Ms. Slocombe.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:45.40,0:12:46.21,Default,,0,0,0,,- What is it? Did I do something wrong?
Dialogue: 0,0:12:46.23,0:12:49.00,Default,,0,0,0,,- No, no, no, very good, very good.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:49.02,0:12:52.32,Default,,0,0,0,,I really believed that\Nbit about the bargains,
Dialogue: 0,0:12:52.35,0:12:54.09,Default,,0,0,0,,but a slight problem though.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:54.11,0:12:57.17,Default,,0,0,0,,Did you every see a\Nfilm called Lost Horizon
Dialogue: 0,0:12:57.19,0:12:59.48,Default,,0,0,0,,where they were all in Shangri-La?
Dialogue: 0,0:12:59.50,0:13:03.21,Default,,0,0,0,,- Oh that's the place where\Nthey stayed young forever.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:03.24,0:13:05.27,Default,,0,0,0,,- Yes, do you remember the old priest said
Dialogue: 0,0:13:05.30,0:13:08.81,Default,,0,0,0,,if they ever left the valley,\Nthey'd become very very old,
Dialogue: 0,0:13:08.84,0:13:11.58,Default,,0,0,0,,and this young girl didn't believe him,
Dialogue: 0,0:13:11.60,0:13:14.19,Default,,0,0,0,,and she left and she\Nwalked down the passage,
Dialogue: 0,0:13:14.22,0:13:18.29,Default,,0,0,0,,and when she got to the end, she was 110?
Dialogue: 0,0:13:18.32,0:13:20.64,Default,,0,0,0,,- Well, what's that got to do with me?
Dialogue: 0,0:13:20.66,0:13:22.02,Default,,0,0,0,,- You're halfway down the passage
Dialogue: 0,0:13:22.04,0:13:23.42,Default,,0,0,0,,and (audience laughter drowns out speech)
Dialogue: 0,0:13:23.45,0:13:26.62,Default,,0,0,0,,(cash register dings)
Dialogue: 0,0:13:30.79,0:13:32.41,Default,,0,0,0,,- Isn't Ms. Slocombe ready yet?
Dialogue: 0,0:13:32.43,0:13:35.14,Default,,0,0,0,,- She'll be ready in 30 seconds.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:35.16,0:13:36.55,Default,,0,0,0,,- I can't imagine any makeup that
Dialogue: 0,0:13:36.57,0:13:40.39,Default,,0,0,0,,would obliterate the ravages of 50 years.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:40.41,0:13:43.17,Default,,0,0,0,,- I think people like\Nto see a lived-in face.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:43.20,0:13:45.50,Default,,0,0,0,,- Hers is more than\Nlived-in. It's got squatters.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:45.52,0:13:48.68,Default,,0,0,0,,(audience laughs)
Dialogue: 0,0:13:48.71,0:13:51.62,Default,,0,0,0,,- She's putting on anti-wrinkle cream,
Dialogue: 0,0:13:51.65,0:13:54.08,Default,,0,0,0,,tightens the skin, takes\Nout all the wrinkles.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:54.10,0:13:56.28,Default,,0,0,0,,I spread it on my fruit at home.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:56.30,0:13:59.97,Default,,0,0,0,,Do you know it turns\Nprunes back into plums?
Dialogue: 0,0:14:02.83,0:14:04.33,Default,,0,0,0,,- Oh nice.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:04.35,0:14:08.87,Default,,0,0,0,,Now let's try your solo bit\Nagain Ms. Slocombe, alright?
Dialogue: 0,0:14:08.89,0:14:11.65,Default,,0,0,0,,Up on the stairs. You ready, Nigel?
Dialogue: 0,0:14:11.68,0:14:12.68,Default,,0,0,0,,And go.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:14.81,0:14:17.91,Default,,0,0,0,,- Hello shoppers, I know you'll
Dialogue: 0,0:14:17.93,0:14:21.18,Default,,0,0,0,,be interested in my fantastic bargains.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:22.60,0:14:26.77,Default,,0,0,0,,I've got brassieres at\Nhalf-price and panty girdles
Dialogue: 0,0:14:28.58,0:14:30.62,Default,,0,0,0,,- No, no, no, stop, stop.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:30.64,0:14:32.81,Default,,0,0,0,,Look, there's not a reason\Nof expression on her face.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:32.84,0:14:34.29,Default,,0,0,0,,- It's that wrinkle cream.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:34.31,0:14:36.35,Default,,0,0,0,,I told her she was using too much.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:36.37,0:14:39.13,Default,,0,0,0,,(Slocombe mumbles)\N(audience laughs)
Dialogue: 0,0:14:39.16,0:14:41.96,Default,,0,0,0,,- My lady wife used\Nsome of that stuff once.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:41.98,0:14:43.32,Default,,0,0,0,,Halfway through supper,\Nthere was a loud crack,
Dialogue: 0,0:14:43.34,0:14:46.38,Default,,0,0,0,,a small avalanche, and she was back
Dialogue: 0,0:14:46.41,0:14:47.97,Default,,0,0,0,,to her old wrinkled self again.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:47.99,0:14:49.29,Default,,0,0,0,,- Look I don't want to swank,
Dialogue: 0,0:14:49.32,0:14:52.11,Default,,0,0,0,,but I'm due at DH Evans in half an hour.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:52.13,0:14:54.27,Default,,0,0,0,,Now can't this girl do it?
Dialogue: 0,0:14:54.29,0:14:55.56,Default,,0,0,0,,- Oh I think that's an excellent idea.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:55.58,0:14:57.68,Default,,0,0,0,,- But what about me?
Dialogue: 0,0:14:57.70,0:14:59.36,Default,,0,0,0,,(audience laughs)
Dialogue: 0,0:14:59.38,0:15:01.28,Default,,0,0,0,,- I suggest you go to first\Naid and get a poultice on it.
Dialogue: 0,0:15:01.30,0:15:02.65,Default,,0,0,0,,(audience laughs)
Dialogue: 0,0:15:02.68,0:15:04.90,Default,,0,0,0,,- I suggest you go and (mumbles) head.
Dialogue: 0,0:15:04.93,0:15:07.86,Default,,0,0,0,,(audience laughs)
Dialogue: 0,0:15:07.89,0:15:08.96,Default,,0,0,0,,- Do you think she'll be alright?
Dialogue: 0,0:15:08.98,0:15:10.84,Default,,0,0,0,,- It'll take some time.
Dialogue: 0,0:15:10.86,0:15:13.88,Default,,0,0,0,,My fruit lasted all over\Nthe Christmas holiday.
Dialogue: 0,0:15:13.90,0:15:15.67,Default,,0,0,0,,- Morning, everybody.
Dialogue: 0,0:15:15.70,0:15:16.91,Default,,0,0,0,,(group chattering)\N- [Rumbold] Morning Mr. Grace.
Dialogue: 0,0:15:16.93,0:15:19.47,Default,,0,0,0,,- How's it all going?
Dialogue: 0,0:15:19.49,0:15:20.60,Default,,0,0,0,,- We're just going to have\Na go at Miss Brahms now.
Dialogue: 0,0:15:20.62,0:15:23.61,Default,,0,0,0,,- Oh, that should get a\Ncrowd round the store.
Dialogue: 0,0:15:23.63,0:15:24.72,Default,,0,0,0,,- Alright people, I'd like you all
Dialogue: 0,0:15:24.75,0:15:27.05,Default,,0,0,0,,on that side of the camera\Nthis time if you please.
Dialogue: 0,0:15:27.08,0:15:27.89,Default,,0,0,0,,(group grumbles)
Dialogue: 0,0:15:27.91,0:15:29.20,Default,,0,0,0,,And as quietly as possible, thank you.
Dialogue: 0,0:15:29.22,0:15:32.01,Default,,0,0,0,,(footsteps)\N(group chattering)
Dialogue: 0,0:15:32.03,0:15:32.84,Default,,0,0,0,,Just hold this microphone there.
Dialogue: 0,0:15:32.87,0:15:33.68,Default,,0,0,0,,Alright, are you ready, Nigel?
Dialogue: 0,0:15:33.70,0:15:36.95,Default,,0,0,0,,- [Brahms] Alright.\N- Alright, and cue.
Dialogue: 0,0:15:38.21,0:15:39.59,Default,,0,0,0,,- Hello shoppers, I know\Nyou'll be interested
Dialogue: 0,0:15:39.62,0:15:42.50,Default,,0,0,0,,in all these fantastic special offers.
Dialogue: 0,0:15:42.53,0:15:45.40,Default,,0,0,0,,We've got brushes at\Nhalf-price, panty girdles,
Dialogue: 0,0:15:45.43,0:15:47.32,Default,,0,0,0,,dreamy nightwear at four pound 50,
Dialogue: 0,0:15:47.34,0:15:49.23,Default,,0,0,0,,head scarfs, hats, hosiery
Dialogue: 0,0:15:49.26,0:15:51.73,Default,,0,0,0,,and an host of unbelievable bargains,
Dialogue: 0,0:15:51.75,0:15:53.92,Default,,0,0,0,,so come up and see me now.
Dialogue: 0,0:15:54.80,0:15:57.40,Default,,0,0,0,,(audience laughs)
Dialogue: 0,0:15:57.43,0:16:00.87,Default,,0,0,0,,- Well, she looks very nice.\NWhat do you say, Mr. Harman?
Dialogue: 0,0:16:00.90,0:16:02.42,Default,,0,0,0,,- You can't use her.\N- Why not?
Dialogue: 0,0:16:02.45,0:16:04.38,Default,,0,0,0,,- Her voice. Dead common.
Dialogue: 0,0:16:04.41,0:16:05.92,Default,,0,0,0,,(audience laughs)
Dialogue: 0,0:16:05.94,0:16:08.62,Default,,0,0,0,,- Yes, yes I agree. I agree.
Dialogue: 0,0:16:08.65,0:16:12.96,Default,,0,0,0,,Mr. Humphries, go and tell her\Nshe sounds like a fish wife.
Dialogue: 0,0:16:12.99,0:16:15.82,Default,,0,0,0,,(audience laughs)
Dialogue: 0,0:16:17.10,0:16:19.66,Default,,0,0,0,,- Very good, Miss\NBrahms, very good indeed.
Dialogue: 0,0:16:19.68,0:16:22.73,Default,,0,0,0,,I wonder if you could make\Nit a bit more up market.
Dialogue: 0,0:16:22.76,0:16:24.97,Default,,0,0,0,,(audience laughs)
Dialogue: 0,0:16:25.00,0:16:27.08,Default,,0,0,0,,- Roll up, roll up, roll up!
Dialogue: 0,0:16:27.11,0:16:29.49,Default,,0,0,0,,We've got a load of\Nbargains here today. We...
Dialogue: 0,0:16:29.52,0:16:31.05,Default,,0,0,0,,- That's, no, no, no, no, no.
Dialogue: 0,0:16:31.07,0:16:33.58,Default,,0,0,0,,No, it's not that sort of market.
Dialogue: 0,0:16:33.60,0:16:36.52,Default,,0,0,0,,When I say up market, I mean\Na bit more posher, you know?
Dialogue: 0,0:16:36.54,0:16:39.27,Default,,0,0,0,,Think of Angela Rippon and Anna Ford.
Dialogue: 0,0:16:39.29,0:16:40.10,Default,,0,0,0,,Great, and cue.
Dialogue: 0,0:16:40.13,0:16:41.29,Default,,0,0,0,,- [Brahms] Posher\N- Sorry
Dialogue: 0,0:16:41.32,0:16:43.25,Default,,0,0,0,,(audience laughs)
Dialogue: 0,0:16:43.27,0:16:45.02,Default,,0,0,0,,- Hello there, shopping people.
Dialogue: 0,0:16:45.04,0:16:48.09,Default,,0,0,0,,I know you're going to\Nbe absolutely amazed
Dialogue: 0,0:16:48.11,0:16:49.71,Default,,0,0,0,,at these super bargains we have.
Dialogue: 0,0:16:49.73,0:16:52.58,Default,,0,0,0,,We have suits and trousers\Nin blues and browns
Dialogue: 0,0:16:52.61,0:16:55.03,Default,,0,0,0,,for round and about 100 pounds.
Dialogue: 0,0:16:55.05,0:16:58.98,Default,,0,0,0,,(applause)\N(audience laughs)
Dialogue: 0,0:16:59.01,0:17:01.77,Default,,0,0,0,,- No, no, no, no, no, that's not right.
Dialogue: 0,0:17:01.79,0:17:05.27,Default,,0,0,0,,I mean it's a good try, but\Nyou can't hide common, can you?
Dialogue: 0,0:17:05.29,0:17:06.54,Default,,0,0,0,,- I'm sorry to interrupt, but it's
Dialogue: 0,0:17:06.56,0:17:09.05,Default,,0,0,0,,almost time for Mr.\NGrace's special medicine.
Dialogue: 0,0:17:09.07,0:17:10.71,Default,,0,0,0,,- That's it. That's the voice.
Dialogue: 0,0:17:10.74,0:17:12.46,Default,,0,0,0,,It's sexy, it's believable,
Dialogue: 0,0:17:12.49,0:17:13.63,Default,,0,0,0,,it's just what we're looking for.
Dialogue: 0,0:17:13.65,0:17:15.08,Default,,0,0,0,,- She's not a salesgirl.
Dialogue: 0,0:17:15.10,0:17:18.20,Default,,0,0,0,,- But she doesn't have to be a sales girl.
Dialogue: 0,0:17:18.23,0:17:19.58,Default,,0,0,0,,She could get down behind the counter
Dialogue: 0,0:17:19.60,0:17:22.19,Default,,0,0,0,,and speak the words, and\Nthis girl could mime to them.
Dialogue: 0,0:17:22.21,0:17:23.55,Default,,0,0,0,,Then we get the best of both worlds.
Dialogue: 0,0:17:23.57,0:17:24.97,Default,,0,0,0,,- Could she have a go, sir?
Dialogue: 0,0:17:25.00,0:17:27.61,Default,,0,0,0,,- She's game for anything,\Naren't you my dear?
Dialogue: 0,0:17:27.63,0:17:29.60,Default,,0,0,0,,(audience laughs)
Dialogue: 0,0:17:29.62,0:17:31.11,Default,,0,0,0,,- Then come along.
Dialogue: 0,0:17:31.13,0:17:32.50,Default,,0,0,0,,- It's all on this piece\Nof paper, thank you.
Dialogue: 0,0:17:32.52,0:17:34.38,Default,,0,0,0,,There we are.\N- Thank you.
Dialogue: 0,0:17:34.40,0:17:36.65,Default,,0,0,0,,- Good, good.\N(footsteps)
Dialogue: 0,0:17:36.67,0:17:39.69,Default,,0,0,0,,- And go.\N- You said cue last time.
Dialogue: 0,0:17:39.72,0:17:40.53,Default,,0,0,0,,(Humphries and director muttering)
Dialogue: 0,0:17:40.55,0:17:44.49,Default,,0,0,0,,- Hello shoppers, I know\Nyou'll be interested
Dialogue: 0,0:17:44.51,0:17:48.01,Default,,0,0,0,,in all these fantastic special offers.
Dialogue: 0,0:17:48.03,0:17:50.67,Default,,0,0,0,,We've got brassieres at half-price,
Dialogue: 0,0:17:50.69,0:17:53.69,Default,,0,0,0,,panty girdles, dreamy night...\N- Hey just a minute.
Dialogue: 0,0:17:53.72,0:17:56.60,Default,,0,0,0,,Tell her to get a move on,\NI'm in me dreamy nightwear,
Dialogue: 0,0:17:56.63,0:17:58.13,Default,,0,0,0,,and she's still in her panty girdles.
Dialogue: 0,0:17:58.16,0:18:02.33,Default,,0,0,0,,(audience laughs)\N(cash register dings)
Dialogue: 0,0:18:03.80,0:18:06.21,Default,,0,0,0,,(bell ringing)
Dialogue: 0,0:18:06.24,0:18:08.39,Default,,0,0,0,,- I'm sorry, ladies and gentlemen,\Nthe store is now closing.
Dialogue: 0,0:18:08.41,0:18:10.36,Default,,0,0,0,,Would you mind? Thank you very much.
Dialogue: 0,0:18:10.39,0:18:12.23,Default,,0,0,0,,- Thank heavens for that. What a day.
Dialogue: 0,0:18:12.25,0:18:14.54,Default,,0,0,0,,Do you know I've been rushed off my feet.
Dialogue: 0,0:18:14.56,0:18:17.27,Default,,0,0,0,,- Yeah, that television\Nidea worked a treat.
Dialogue: 0,0:18:17.30,0:18:18.56,Default,,0,0,0,,- [Peacock] How did you do Ms. Slocombe?
Dialogue: 0,0:18:18.58,0:18:19.97,Default,,0,0,0,,- It was like Christmas Eve.
Dialogue: 0,0:18:19.99,0:18:21.53,Default,,0,0,0,,I've never seen anything like it.
Dialogue: 0,0:18:21.55,0:18:23.00,Default,,0,0,0,,- Yeah, I made enough in\Ncommission to buy a pair
Dialogue: 0,0:18:23.03,0:18:25.69,Default,,0,0,0,,of shoes to replace the\Nones I wore out today.
Dialogue: 0,0:18:25.72,0:18:28.34,Default,,0,0,0,,- Well, you have only\Nyourself to blame for that.
Dialogue: 0,0:18:28.36,0:18:29.97,Default,,0,0,0,,I popped down to the\Nentrance, and that bit you did
Dialogue: 0,0:18:30.00,0:18:32.42,Default,,0,0,0,,on the screen certainly\Ncaused quite a stir.
Dialogue: 0,0:18:32.45,0:18:34.58,Default,,0,0,0,,- Yeah, that nurse's posh, sexy voice
Dialogue: 0,0:18:34.60,0:18:37.14,Default,,0,0,0,,and your sexy looks were\Na great combination, ooh.
Dialogue: 0,0:18:37.16,0:18:40.31,Default,,0,0,0,,- Hey Shirley, this\Ncame special messenger.
Dialogue: 0,0:18:40.33,0:18:43.04,Default,,0,0,0,,Says to the young girl\Non the ladies counter.
Dialogue: 0,0:18:43.07,0:18:43.88,Default,,0,0,0,,I figured it's for you.
Dialogue: 0,0:18:43.90,0:18:46.16,Default,,0,0,0,,- It's marked personal and\Nprivate, and you've opened it.
Dialogue: 0,0:18:46.18,0:18:48.05,Default,,0,0,0,,- Yeah, of course, there\Nmight've been a bomb in it.
Dialogue: 0,0:18:48.08,0:18:49.08,Default,,0,0,0,,(audience laughs)
Dialogue: 0,0:18:49.10,0:18:50.60,Default,,0,0,0,,- Oh look.\N- Well read it.
Dialogue: 0,0:18:50.62,0:18:52.22,Default,,0,0,0,,- It's got an official stamp on.
Dialogue: 0,0:18:52.24,0:18:53.71,Default,,0,0,0,,Do you think it's income tax?
Dialogue: 0,0:18:53.73,0:18:57.70,Default,,0,0,0,,- No that's a crest, that\Nis. Two rampant unicorns.
Dialogue: 0,0:18:57.72,0:19:01.24,Default,,0,0,0,,- Dear sexy voice, I'm afraid\NI don't know your name,
Dialogue: 0,0:19:01.26,0:19:05.46,Default,,0,0,0,,but I was driving past\Nyour store today when
Dialogue: 0,0:19:05.49,0:19:07.57,Default,,0,0,0,,my furry, fairy...\N- Ferrari.
Dialogue: 0,0:19:07.59,0:19:10.33,Default,,0,0,0,,- When my Ferrari ran out of petrol.
Dialogue: 0,0:19:10.35,0:19:13.36,Default,,0,0,0,,While I was waiting for\Nmy chauffeur to bring some
Dialogue: 0,0:19:13.39,0:19:15.79,Default,,0,0,0,,in my Rolls, I was inrup, enruptured?
Dialogue: 0,0:19:15.81,0:19:16.99,Default,,0,0,0,,- Enraptured.
Dialogue: 0,0:19:17.01,0:19:19.75,Default,,0,0,0,,- I was enraptured by\Nyour deep, seductive voice
Dialogue: 0,0:19:19.77,0:19:22.93,Default,,0,0,0,,on the TV at the entrance of your store.
Dialogue: 0,0:19:22.95,0:19:26.21,Default,,0,0,0,,I'm dying to meet you. Can\Nyou dine with me tonight?
Dialogue: 0,0:19:26.23,0:19:30.97,Default,,0,0,0,,I will phone at 5:30 for\Nyour answer. Yours, Hurley.
Dialogue: 0,0:19:31.00,0:19:33.68,Default,,0,0,0,,Hurley? That's a funny Christian name.
Dialogue: 0,0:19:33.71,0:19:34.68,Default,,0,0,0,,- That's not a Christian name.
Dialogue: 0,0:19:34.70,0:19:36.02,Default,,0,0,0,,Here, look, look. He's a Lord.
Dialogue: 0,0:19:36.04,0:19:37.52,Default,,0,0,0,,He enclosed a photo of him standing
Dialogue: 0,0:19:37.54,0:19:39.18,Default,,0,0,0,,outside the front of his house.
Dialogue: 0,0:19:39.21,0:19:41.86,Default,,0,0,0,,- Oh look, he lives in a detached castle.
Dialogue: 0,0:19:41.89,0:19:45.33,Default,,0,0,0,,(audience laughs)
Dialogue: 0,0:19:45.35,0:19:46.16,Default,,0,0,0,,- It's nearly half past five.\NHe'll be phoning in a minute.
Dialogue: 0,0:19:46.19,0:19:47.77,Default,,0,0,0,,- (Gasps) Dinner tonight,\NI haven't got time
Dialogue: 0,0:19:47.79,0:19:49.96,Default,,0,0,0,,to go home and get changed.
Dialogue: 0,0:19:49.98,0:19:51.86,Default,,0,0,0,,I'll have to borrow something from stock.
Dialogue: 0,0:19:51.88,0:19:54.50,Default,,0,0,0,,- My dear, take advice\Nfrom an older woman.
Dialogue: 0,0:19:54.53,0:19:56.80,Default,,0,0,0,,Don't appear too keen, play hard to get,
Dialogue: 0,0:19:56.82,0:19:59.69,Default,,0,0,0,,say you're not available tonight.
Dialogue: 0,0:19:59.71,0:20:03.50,Default,,0,0,0,,If his intentions are\Nserious, he'll try again.
Dialogue: 0,0:20:03.52,0:20:07.69,Default,,0,0,0,,Oh, I used to dangle myself\Nlike a carrot in front of them,
Dialogue: 0,0:20:08.85,0:20:11.56,Default,,0,0,0,,but I never let them get a nibble.
Dialogue: 0,0:20:11.58,0:20:13.53,Default,,0,0,0,,(audience laughs)
Dialogue: 0,0:20:13.55,0:20:15.01,Default,,0,0,0,,- It's a bit late for that now.
Dialogue: 0,0:20:15.03,0:20:16.48,Default,,0,0,0,,Not much call for dried\Nvegetables these day.
Dialogue: 0,0:20:16.51,0:20:18.52,Default,,0,0,0,,(audience laughs)
Dialogue: 0,0:20:18.55,0:20:19.70,Default,,0,0,0,,- But what should I say to him?
Dialogue: 0,0:20:19.72,0:20:21.78,Default,,0,0,0,,- Tell him you're having dinner
Dialogue: 0,0:20:21.80,0:20:23.65,Default,,0,0,0,,with your millionaire boyfriend.
Dialogue: 0,0:20:23.67,0:20:25.47,Default,,0,0,0,,- Ooh, no, no, you mustn't say that.
Dialogue: 0,0:20:25.49,0:20:26.71,Default,,0,0,0,,You don't want to put him off.
Dialogue: 0,0:20:26.73,0:20:29.33,Default,,0,0,0,,You want to appear unsullied.
Dialogue: 0,0:20:29.36,0:20:31.04,Default,,0,0,0,,- Tell him you're training\Nto be a Carmelite nun
Dialogue: 0,0:20:31.07,0:20:32.72,Default,,0,0,0,,and Monday night's practice night.
Dialogue: 0,0:20:32.75,0:20:34.85,Default,,0,0,0,,(audience laughs)\N(phone ringing)
Dialogue: 0,0:20:34.87,0:20:38.46,Default,,0,0,0,,- Oh, blimey that'll be him.\N- I'll get it.
Dialogue: 0,0:20:39.86,0:20:42.77,Default,,0,0,0,,Ladies intimate apparel. Lord whom?
Dialogue: 0,0:20:45.02,0:20:47.77,Default,,0,0,0,,Oh yes, the lady what you require
Dialogue: 0,0:20:48.99,0:20:53.58,Default,,0,0,0,,is entitled Miss Brahms, but\NI'm afraid she's just leaving.
Dialogue: 0,0:20:53.60,0:20:56.95,Default,,0,0,0,,However, if you wouldn't\Nmind hanging on a mo,
Dialogue: 0,0:20:56.97,0:21:00.01,Default,,0,0,0,,I'll see if I can apprehend her.
Dialogue: 0,0:21:00.03,0:21:03.59,Default,,0,0,0,,It's him. Ooh, he sounds ever so nice.
Dialogue: 0,0:21:03.62,0:21:04.70,Default,,0,0,0,,- What shall I say?
Dialogue: 0,0:21:04.72,0:21:05.78,Default,,0,0,0,,- Whatever it is, make sure it sounds
Dialogue: 0,0:21:05.80,0:21:09.42,Default,,0,0,0,,like the nurse that did your voice.
Dialogue: 0,0:21:09.45,0:21:12.70,Default,,0,0,0,,- Hello. Yes, this is A. Oh how quaint.
Dialogue: 0,0:21:14.70,0:21:17.66,Default,,0,0,0,,No, I'm afraid I can't do it tonight.
Dialogue: 0,0:21:17.69,0:21:18.68,Default,,0,0,0,,- I mean he's keen ain't he?
Dialogue: 0,0:21:18.71,0:21:20.08,Default,,0,0,0,,(audience laughs)
Dialogue: 0,0:21:20.11,0:21:21.58,Default,,0,0,0,,- I have a previous engagement.
Dialogue: 0,0:21:21.61,0:21:23.44,Default,,0,0,0,,I'm dining at Romano's
Dialogue: 0,0:21:26.02,0:21:27.77,Default,,0,0,0,,with mater and pater.
Dialogue: 0,0:21:29.66,0:21:31.38,Default,,0,0,0,,Yes, he's very high up\Nin the army, you know.
Dialogue: 0,0:21:31.41,0:21:33.00,Default,,0,0,0,,We're having a bit of a\Nnosh with a chum of his
Dialogue: 0,0:21:33.02,0:21:35.86,Default,,0,0,0,,who's very high up something else.
Dialogue: 0,0:21:38.05,0:21:41.35,Default,,0,0,0,,Oh, oh I see. Well, yes,\NI'm sure that'll be alright.
Dialogue: 0,0:21:41.38,0:21:45.54,Default,,0,0,0,,I'll see you there then. (laughs) Bye-bye.
Dialogue: 0,0:21:47.12,0:21:49.49,Default,,0,0,0,,Nickers.\N(audience laughs)
Dialogue: 0,0:21:49.51,0:21:50.52,Default,,0,0,0,,- What did he say?
Dialogue: 0,0:21:50.54,0:21:53.24,Default,,0,0,0,,- He says he'll meet us\Nthere and the bill's on him.
Dialogue: 0,0:21:53.26,0:21:54.48,Default,,0,0,0,,- Oh that's torn it.
Dialogue: 0,0:21:54.50,0:21:56.31,Default,,0,0,0,,- Well, you just have to\Nup and dangle your carrot.
Dialogue: 0,0:21:56.33,0:21:57.87,Default,,0,0,0,,(audience laughs)
Dialogue: 0,0:21:57.89,0:22:00.73,Default,,0,0,0,,- What after that cock and bull\Nstory about mater and pater
Dialogue: 0,0:22:00.76,0:22:02.23,Default,,0,0,0,,and his chum high up in something?
Dialogue: 0,0:22:02.26,0:22:03.68,Default,,0,0,0,,He'll see through me in a minute.
Dialogue: 0,0:22:03.71,0:22:05.31,Default,,0,0,0,,I won't be able to carry it through.
Dialogue: 0,0:22:05.33,0:22:08.04,Default,,0,0,0,,- Well, your dad was in the\Narmy. He could go with you.
Dialogue: 0,0:22:08.06,0:22:09.73,Default,,0,0,0,,- He's a bus driver.
Dialogue: 0,0:22:11.06,0:22:12.60,Default,,0,0,0,,- Well he could take\Nthe number off his cap.
Dialogue: 0,0:22:12.62,0:22:14.25,Default,,0,0,0,,(audience laughs)
Dialogue: 0,0:22:14.27,0:22:15.88,Default,,0,0,0,,- It's all your fault, Miss Slocombe,
Dialogue: 0,0:22:15.90,0:22:19.21,Default,,0,0,0,,making me say I was having\Ndinner with me father.
Dialogue: 0,0:22:19.24,0:22:20.64,Default,,0,0,0,,- Well, I didn't say you\Nwere to tell him he was
Dialogue: 0,0:22:20.66,0:22:24.04,Default,,0,0,0,,in the army and all that\Nrubbish about his high up chum.
Dialogue: 0,0:22:24.06,0:22:26.11,Default,,0,0,0,,- Well what am I gonna do?
Dialogue: 0,0:22:26.14,0:22:28.14,Default,,0,0,0,,- Well if you take my advice, say goodbye
Dialogue: 0,0:22:28.17,0:22:29.63,Default,,0,0,0,,to St. Ritz and the South of France,
Dialogue: 0,0:22:29.66,0:22:31.49,Default,,0,0,0,,go home, and open a tin of baked beans.
Dialogue: 0,0:22:31.51,0:22:32.32,Default,,0,0,0,,(audience laughs)
Dialogue: 0,0:22:32.35,0:22:33.42,Default,,0,0,0,,- No, no, I don't think
Dialogue: 0,0:22:33.44,0:22:34.78,Default,,0,0,0,,you should give up so easily.
Dialogue: 0,0:22:34.80,0:22:37.71,Default,,0,0,0,,Oh no, I'm sure if we all\Nput our heads together,
Dialogue: 0,0:22:37.73,0:22:39.45,Default,,0,0,0,,we can come up with a\Nsolution of some sort.
Dialogue: 0,0:22:39.48,0:22:42.64,Default,,0,0,0,,(cash register dings)
Dialogue: 0,0:22:45.05,0:22:47.36,Default,,0,0,0,,- Here's your table, Brigadier Brahms.
Dialogue: 0,0:22:47.38,0:22:48.68,Default,,0,0,0,,- A.
Dialogue: 0,0:22:48.71,0:22:53.46,Default,,0,0,0,,(audience laughs)\N(applause)
Dialogue: 0,0:22:53.48,0:22:54.65,Default,,0,0,0,,- Lady Brahms.
Dialogue: 0,0:22:56.68,0:22:59.89,Default,,0,0,0,,- Now while you're staring\Nat the menu, a little drink.
Dialogue: 0,0:22:59.92,0:23:02.13,Default,,0,0,0,,- For Madame, a nice par-ih-teef
Dialogue: 0,0:23:02.15,0:23:03.72,Default,,0,0,0,,- Oh thank you, and they're my own too.
Dialogue: 0,0:23:03.74,0:23:06.58,Default,,0,0,0,,(audience laughs)
Dialogue: 0,0:23:07.61,0:23:11.11,Default,,0,0,0,,- No, no, what drink do you fancy my dear?
Dialogue: 0,0:23:13.80,0:23:16.67,Default,,0,0,0,,- Oh, what was the name of that cocktail
Dialogue: 0,0:23:16.69,0:23:18.82,Default,,0,0,0,,what we had at the Bunch of Grapes?
Dialogue: 0,0:23:18.84,0:23:22.53,Default,,0,0,0,,- Oh yeah, it was sort\Nof a lemony, ginny thing.
Dialogue: 0,0:23:22.55,0:23:23.90,Default,,0,0,0,,Two John Thomases please.
Dialogue: 0,0:23:23.92,0:23:26.75,Default,,0,0,0,,(audience laughs)
Dialogue: 0,0:23:28.41,0:23:31.53,Default,,0,0,0,,- Two John Collins, waiter.\N(waiter sighs)
Dialogue: 0,0:23:31.56,0:23:32.37,Default,,0,0,0,,And I'll have a large pink gin.
Dialogue: 0,0:23:32.39,0:23:33.81,Default,,0,0,0,,- Thank you, sir.
Dialogue: 0,0:23:34.69,0:23:38.11,Default,,0,0,0,,- Have you seen the\Nprices? Isn't it wicked?
Dialogue: 0,0:23:38.13,0:23:39.63,Default,,0,0,0,,- I thought Mr. Humphries was supposed
Dialogue: 0,0:23:39.66,0:23:41.45,Default,,0,0,0,,to be joining us here.
Dialogue: 0,0:23:41.48,0:23:42.38,Default,,0,0,0,,- I imagine he's getting his
Dialogue: 0,0:23:42.40,0:23:43.91,Default,,0,0,0,,dinner jacket from the cleaners.
Dialogue: 0,0:23:43.94,0:23:46.60,Default,,0,0,0,,- Oh. And why couldn't you\Nhave worn a dinner jacket?
Dialogue: 0,0:23:46.62,0:23:49.22,Default,,0,0,0,,- You said I was high up in the army.
Dialogue: 0,0:23:49.24,0:23:51.81,Default,,0,0,0,,- Yeah, but you didn't\Nhave to be a brigadier.
Dialogue: 0,0:23:51.83,0:23:54.89,Default,,0,0,0,,- I could have been if I'd stayed on.
Dialogue: 0,0:23:54.91,0:23:57.06,Default,,0,0,0,,Oh, the caviar sounds rather tempting.
Dialogue: 0,0:23:57.08,0:24:00.14,Default,,0,0,0,,- 'Ere that's 10 pound a\Nthrow. You're not having that.
Dialogue: 0,0:24:00.16,0:24:02.00,Default,,0,0,0,,- Miss Brahms, we are here to give you
Dialogue: 0,0:24:02.03,0:24:04.12,Default,,0,0,0,,a respectable background,\Nand as Lord Hurley's
Dialogue: 0,0:24:04.14,0:24:07.99,Default,,0,0,0,,generous enough to foot\Nthe bill, I don't see why
Dialogue: 0,0:24:08.01,0:24:10.53,Default,,0,0,0,,we shouldn't have a good\Nmeal while we're at at it.
Dialogue: 0,0:24:10.55,0:24:12.77,Default,,0,0,0,,- That's all you're here for, in't it?
Dialogue: 0,0:24:12.79,0:24:13.89,Default,,0,0,0,,- Well, on our wages, all we could afford
Dialogue: 0,0:24:13.92,0:24:17.20,Default,,0,0,0,,in this place would be egg and chips.
Dialogue: 0,0:24:17.22,0:24:21.61,Default,,0,0,0,,(audience roars)\N(audience laughs)
Dialogue: 0,0:24:21.63,0:24:23.17,Default,,0,0,0,,- Look over there.
Dialogue: 0,0:24:23.19,0:24:25.86,Default,,0,0,0,,- It's not Mr. Humphries, is it?
Dialogue: 0,0:24:27.20,0:24:28.78,Default,,0,0,0,,- I'm afraid it is.
Dialogue: 0,0:24:31.32,0:24:33.58,Default,,0,0,0,,- Don't have the kidneys.\NSomebody set fire to them.
Dialogue: 0,0:24:33.60,0:24:36.03,Default,,0,0,0,,(audience laughs)
Dialogue: 0,0:24:36.05,0:24:38.70,Default,,0,0,0,,And before you say anything\Nelse, me suit hadn't come
Dialogue: 0,0:24:38.73,0:24:40.20,Default,,0,0,0,,from the cleaners and he happened
Dialogue: 0,0:24:40.23,0:24:42.60,Default,,0,0,0,,to be a very good friend of\Nmine so he's loaned me this.
Dialogue: 0,0:24:42.62,0:24:44.10,Default,,0,0,0,,It's got to be back first\Nthing in the morning,
Dialogue: 0,0:24:44.12,0:24:46.49,Default,,0,0,0,,cause Ramsey needs it for\Na conference at Canterbury.
Dialogue: 0,0:24:46.51,0:24:48.06,Default,,0,0,0,,(audience laughs)
Dialogue: 0,0:24:48.08,0:24:50.35,Default,,0,0,0,,- Menu, your grace.\N- Oh, bless you, my son.
Dialogue: 0,0:24:50.37,0:24:53.67,Default,,0,0,0,,(audience laughs)
Dialogue: 0,0:24:53.70,0:24:55.52,Default,,0,0,0,,- You're gonna ruin this for me.
Dialogue: 0,0:24:55.54,0:24:58.01,Default,,0,0,0,,No one's gonna believe you're a bishop.
Dialogue: 0,0:24:58.03,0:25:01.57,Default,,0,0,0,,- Ah monsignor (foreign language)
Dialogue: 0,0:25:01.59,0:25:04.42,Default,,0,0,0,,(audience laughs)
Dialogue: 0,0:25:10.48,0:25:13.65,Default,,0,0,0,,- It's all go in the church, isn't it?
Dialogue: 0,0:25:17.38,0:25:19.05,Default,,0,0,0,,- 18 carat, not bad.
Dialogue: 0,0:25:21.33,0:25:24.11,Default,,0,0,0,,- There you see, everything's\Ngonna be perfectly alright
Dialogue: 0,0:25:24.13,0:25:26.68,Default,,0,0,0,,as long as we keep calm and\Nyou let me do the talking.
Dialogue: 0,0:25:26.70,0:25:29.01,Default,,0,0,0,,- Miss Brahms, you speak\Nas little as possible.
Dialogue: 0,0:25:29.03,0:25:30.03,Default,,0,0,0,,- What about me?
Dialogue: 0,0:25:30.06,0:25:31.38,Default,,0,0,0,,- You drink as little as possible.
Dialogue: 0,0:25:31.40,0:25:32.31,Default,,0,0,0,,(audience laughs)
Dialogue: 0,0:25:32.33,0:25:34.54,Default,,0,0,0,,- Pull your veil down.
Dialogue: 0,0:25:34.56,0:25:38.68,Default,,0,0,0,,Look, everybody, just\Nbehave absolutely normal.
Dialogue: 0,0:25:38.70,0:25:40.22,Default,,0,0,0,,- Oh heck, it's Mr. Grace.
Dialogue: 0,0:25:40.25,0:25:43.82,Default,,0,0,0,,(silverware clanking)\N(group grunting)
Dialogue: 0,0:25:43.84,0:25:46.71,Default,,0,0,0,,- Get up, get up, get up.\N- Any problems, sir?
Dialogue: 0,0:25:46.73,0:25:48.64,Default,,0,0,0,,- I'm just taking a\Nconfessional. Won't be long.
Dialogue: 0,0:25:48.66,0:25:51.49,Default,,0,0,0,,(audience laughs)
Dialogue: 0,0:25:52.39,0:25:53.86,Default,,0,0,0,,- Get back in your seats.
Dialogue: 0,0:25:53.88,0:25:56.42,Default,,0,0,0,,He'll never recognize\Nus dressed like this.
Dialogue: 0,0:25:56.44,0:26:00.75,Default,,0,0,0,,- Hello, Peacock, another\Nregimental reunion?
Dialogue: 0,0:26:00.77,0:26:02.02,Default,,0,0,0,,- That's right, sir, yes. (laughs)
Dialogue: 0,0:26:02.05,0:26:04.49,Default,,0,0,0,,- The wife seems a bit playful tonight.
Dialogue: 0,0:26:04.52,0:26:07.41,Default,,0,0,0,,(audience laughs)
Dialogue: 0,0:26:07.43,0:26:10.04,Default,,0,0,0,,If you're on your own, perhaps\Nyou'll care to join us.
Dialogue: 0,0:26:10.06,0:26:12.35,Default,,0,0,0,,- Well sir, we're expecting\Nsome guests. (laughs)
Dialogue: 0,0:26:12.37,0:26:13.87,Default,,0,0,0,,(audience laughs)
Dialogue: 0,0:26:13.90,0:26:17.13,Default,,0,0,0,,- Is that right?\N- Ah, here they are, sir.
Dialogue: 0,0:26:17.15,0:26:19.30,Default,,0,0,0,,- Don't tell anyone you've seen me
Dialogue: 0,0:26:19.32,0:26:20.94,Default,,0,0,0,,out with the girls, will you?
Dialogue: 0,0:26:20.97,0:26:23.98,Default,,0,0,0,,I wouldn't like to get a\Nbad reputation in the store.
Dialogue: 0,0:26:24.01,0:26:28.17,Default,,0,0,0,,- Your secret will go no\Nfurther than this table, sir.
Dialogue: 0,0:26:29.61,0:26:30.94,Default,,0,0,0,,You can't stay like that all night.
Dialogue: 0,0:26:30.96,0:26:32.61,Default,,0,0,0,,- Well get rid of the candles.
Dialogue: 0,0:26:32.64,0:26:36.80,Default,,0,0,0,,(group blows)\N(lighters flicking)
Dialogue: 0,0:26:39.13,0:26:42.13,Default,,0,0,0,,- May I take your order?\N- Yes, why not.
Dialogue: 0,0:26:42.15,0:26:43.67,Default,,0,0,0,,What do you fancy, my dear?
Dialogue: 0,0:26:43.69,0:26:45.70,Default,,0,0,0,,- Smoked salmon and pheasant.
Dialogue: 0,0:26:45.72,0:26:48.04,Default,,0,0,0,,- Shirley?\N- Lobster thermostat.
Dialogue: 0,0:26:48.06,0:26:50.13,Default,,0,0,0,,(audience laughs)
Dialogue: 0,0:26:50.16,0:26:51.88,Default,,0,0,0,,- Your grace?
Dialogue: 0,0:26:51.90,0:26:53.45,Default,,0,0,0,,- May I recommend the sweet breads.
Dialogue: 0,0:26:53.47,0:26:54.82,Default,,0,0,0,,- How are they done?
Dialogue: 0,0:26:54.84,0:26:56.10,Default,,0,0,0,,- It's not how they're\Ndone that worries me.
Dialogue: 0,0:26:56.12,0:26:56.93,Default,,0,0,0,,It's where they're from.
Dialogue: 0,0:26:56.96,0:26:59.57,Default,,0,0,0,,(audience laughs)
Dialogue: 0,0:26:59.59,0:27:03.80,Default,,0,0,0,,- And I'll have petit de\Nfoie gras and guinea fowl.
Dialogue: 0,0:27:03.82,0:27:05.85,Default,,0,0,0,,- I'll have the venison.\N- It's very well-hung, sir.
Dialogue: 0,0:27:05.88,0:27:07.91,Default,,0,0,0,,- That is of no interest to me whatsoever.
Dialogue: 0,0:27:07.93,0:27:10.07,Default,,0,0,0,,(audience laughs)
Dialogue: 0,0:27:10.10,0:27:12.85,Default,,0,0,0,,- Oh and, champagne, Gleeco '71.
Dialogue: 0,0:27:14.67,0:27:16.42,Default,,0,0,0,,- And make it a big one.
Dialogue: 0,0:27:16.44,0:27:17.95,Default,,0,0,0,,- I can bring a jeroboam\Nif you'd like one.
Dialogue: 0,0:27:17.98,0:27:19.51,Default,,0,0,0,,- No, just tell us where it is.
Dialogue: 0,0:27:19.54,0:27:23.22,Default,,0,0,0,,We'll make our own jerboam\Nwhen the need arises.
Dialogue: 0,0:27:23.25,0:27:25.74,Default,,0,0,0,,- Good evening, your Lordship.\NHave you a reservation?
Dialogue: 0,0:27:25.77,0:27:27.07,Default,,0,0,0,,- No actually I'm joining some people.
Dialogue: 0,0:27:27.09,0:27:28.99,Default,,0,0,0,,- Ah, may I take your coat?
Dialogue: 0,0:27:29.01,0:27:31.28,Default,,0,0,0,,- Oh look, it's him.\NOh, isn't he handsome?
Dialogue: 0,0:27:31.31,0:27:34.24,Default,,0,0,0,,- Oh, all that and a castle to put it in.
Dialogue: 0,0:27:34.27,0:27:37.71,Default,,0,0,0,,- Now, remember, remember,\Nlet me do the talking. Shh.
Dialogue: 0,0:27:37.73,0:27:38.96,Default,,0,0,0,,- If you have to say anything,
Dialogue: 0,0:27:38.99,0:27:42.48,Default,,0,0,0,,it was the low, sexy\Nvoice that attracted him.
Dialogue: 0,0:27:42.51,0:27:44.39,Default,,0,0,0,,- Now I hope you're both hungry.
Dialogue: 0,0:27:44.42,0:27:48.70,Default,,0,0,0,,- I'm absolutely ravenous. I\Nhaven't had a bite all day.
Dialogue: 0,0:27:48.72,0:27:52.55,Default,,0,0,0,,- That voice. I'd recognize it anywhere.
Dialogue: 0,0:27:52.57,0:27:54.82,Default,,0,0,0,,Excuse me, I'm Lord Hurley.
Dialogue: 0,0:27:56.40,0:27:58.79,Default,,0,0,0,,You were in that Grace\NBrothers commercial thing.
Dialogue: 0,0:27:58.82,0:28:00.16,Default,,0,0,0,,- That's right.
Dialogue: 0,0:28:00.18,0:28:02.12,Default,,0,0,0,,- I must say you look even more attractive
Dialogue: 0,0:28:02.14,0:28:05.07,Default,,0,0,0,,in the flesh than you did on\Nthe screen outside the store.
Dialogue: 0,0:28:05.10,0:28:07.90,Default,,0,0,0,,May I sit down, with your permission sir?
Dialogue: 0,0:28:07.92,0:28:09.75,Default,,0,0,0,,- Well, if she doesn't mind.
Dialogue: 0,0:28:09.77,0:28:11.99,Default,,0,0,0,,- As far as I'm concerned, you can stay
Dialogue: 0,0:28:12.01,0:28:14.80,Default,,0,0,0,,for the rest of my life.
Dialogue: 0,0:28:14.83,0:28:17.19,Default,,0,0,0,,- Garson.\N- Yes, sir?
Dialogue: 0,0:28:17.22,0:28:20.75,Default,,0,0,0,,- We ordered pheasant, lobster, venison,
Dialogue: 0,0:28:20.78,0:28:23.84,Default,,0,0,0,,petit de foie gras, guinea\Nfowl, and champagne.
Dialogue: 0,0:28:23.87,0:28:25.75,Default,,0,0,0,,And I'd like to make a slight alternation.
Dialogue: 0,0:28:25.77,0:28:26.61,Default,,0,0,0,,(audience laughs)
Dialogue: 0,0:28:26.63,0:28:28.60,Default,,0,0,0,,- Certainly, sir, what would you like?
Dialogue: 0,0:28:28.62,0:28:30.54,Default,,0,0,0,,- Egg and chips four\Ntimes and a pot of tea.
Dialogue: 0,0:28:30.56,0:28:34.73,Default,,0,0,0,,(applause)\N(cash register dings)
Dialogue: 0,0:28:37.82,0:28:39.40,Default,,0,0,0,,♫ Ground floor perfumery,
Dialogue: 0,0:28:39.42,0:28:40.76,Default,,0,0,0,,♫ stationery and leather goods,
Dialogue: 0,0:28:40.78,0:28:42.14,Default,,0,0,0,,♫ wigs and haberdashery
Dialogue: 0,0:28:42.17,0:28:46.33,Default,,0,0,0,,♫ kitchenware and food. Going up.
Dialogue: 0,0:28:49.91,0:28:50.72,Default,,0,0,0,,♫ First floor telephones,
Dialogue: 0,0:28:50.74,0:28:52.48,Default,,0,0,0,,♫ gents ready-made suits,
Dialogue: 0,0:28:52.50,0:28:53.96,Default,,0,0,0,,♫ shirts, socks, ties, hats,
Dialogue: 0,0:28:53.98,0:28:58.07,Default,,0,0,0,,♫ underwear and shoes. Going up.
Dialogue: 0,0:29:01.30,0:29:02.22,Default,,0,0,0,,♫ Second floor carpets,
Dialogue: 0,0:29:02.24,0:29:04.30,Default,,0,0,0,,♫ travel goods and bedding,
Dialogue: 0,0:29:04.32,0:29:05.72,Default,,0,0,0,,♫ material, soft furnishings,
Dialogue: 0,0:29:05.74,0:29:07.35,Default,,0,0,0,,♫ restaurant and teas. Going down!
Dialogue: 0,0:29:07.38,0:29:09.63,Default,,0,0,0,,(applause)
Dialogue: 0,0:29:12.48,0:29:13.92,Default,,0,0,0,,♫ First floor telephones,
Dialogue: 0,0:29:13.95,0:29:15.53,Default,,0,0,0,,♫ gents ready-made suits,
Dialogue: 0,0:29:15.55,0:29:16.81,Default,,0,0,0,,♫ shirts, socks, ties, hats,
Dialogue: 0,0:29:16.83,0:29:20.91,Default,,0,0,0,,♫ underwear and shoes. Going up.
Dialogue: 0,0:29:21.77,0:29:24.85,Default,,0,0,0,,(lighthearted music)