1
00:00:01,634 --> 00:00:02,965
Alpa Chino!
2
00:00:03,069 --> 00:00:04,764
We're loaded
3
00:00:04,871 --> 00:00:06,202
I love the pussy, hell, yeah
4
00:00:06,306 --> 00:00:07,705
I love the pussy, hell, yeah
5
00:00:07,807 --> 00:00:10,469
I love that pussy
dripping down to the floor, oh, no
6
00:00:10,577 --> 00:00:13,068
The wettest pussy, hell, yeah
I love the pussy, hell, yeah
7
00:00:13,179 --> 00:00:16,273
I'm drinking up
your Booty Sweat and busting a nut
8
00:00:16,383 --> 00:00:18,146
Alpa Chino got that pussy control
9
00:00:18,251 --> 00:00:20,151
Alpa Chino's Booty Sweat.
10
00:00:20,253 --> 00:00:21,686
Pop an ass open!
11
00:00:21,788 --> 00:00:25,280
Booty Sweat and Bust-A-Nut bars
available at concessions now.
12
00:00:29,396 --> 00:00:33,526
In 2013, when the Earth's rotation
came to a halt...
13
00:00:33,633 --> 00:00:37,194
The President has declared
all of North America a disaster area.
14
00:00:37,303 --> 00:00:39,999
I call on my fellow Americans
to come together...
15
00:00:40,106 --> 00:00:44,133
... the world called on the one man
who could make a difference.
16
00:00:48,181 --> 00:00:52,413
When it happened again,
the world called on him once more.
17
00:00:53,620 --> 00:00:59,422
And no one saw it coming
three more times!
18
00:01:02,028 --> 00:01:03,689
Now,
19
00:01:03,797 --> 00:01:07,733
the one man who made a difference
five times before,
20
00:01:10,170 --> 00:01:14,539
is about to make a difference again.
21
00:01:15,275 --> 00:01:19,371
Only this time, it's different.
22
00:01:21,214 --> 00:01:22,841
Who left the fridge open?
23
00:01:24,284 --> 00:01:26,218
Tugg Speedman.
24
00:01:26,319 --> 00:01:31,086
Scorcher VI: Global Meltdown.
25
00:01:31,191 --> 00:01:32,954
Here we go again.
26
00:01:34,494 --> 00:01:35,552
Again.
27
00:01:37,000 --> 00:01:43,074
Advertise your product or brand here
contact www.OpenSubtitles.org today
28
00:01:44,104 --> 00:01:46,971
Will there be anything else?
29
00:01:47,073 --> 00:01:50,270
Yes, my dear man. More beans.
30
00:01:52,078 --> 00:01:54,239
Granny!
31
00:01:56,182 --> 00:01:57,342
Please!
32
00:01:57,450 --> 00:02:02,410
This summer,
America's favorite obese family is back.
33
00:02:05,291 --> 00:02:06,849
Gross!
34
00:02:06,960 --> 00:02:08,985
- You're just mad 'cause I'm skinny.
- Am not!
35
00:02:09,562 --> 00:02:11,052
Jeff Portnoy.
36
00:02:11,731 --> 00:02:13,198
Jeff Portnoy.
37
00:02:13,800 --> 00:02:15,290
Jeff Portnoy.
38
00:02:15,401 --> 00:02:21,499
And Jeff Portnoy are
The Fatties: Fart Two.
39
00:02:21,608 --> 00:02:23,439
In some countries,
40
00:02:24,644 --> 00:02:26,271
it's considered a compliment.
41
00:02:26,379 --> 00:02:29,576
Letting loose this summer.
42
00:02:38,858 --> 00:02:44,592
In a time where to be different
was to be condemned,
43
00:02:58,344 --> 00:03:03,043
and to be condemned was to die,
44
00:03:07,287 --> 00:03:11,348
one man chose to question his God.
45
00:03:15,328 --> 00:03:17,023
From Fox Searchlight,
46
00:03:25,872 --> 00:03:29,103
five-time Academy Award winner
Kirk Lazarus
47
00:03:30,210 --> 00:03:34,544
and MTV Movie Award
Best Kiss winner Tobey Maguire.
48
00:03:40,920 --> 00:03:45,448
Winner of the Beijing Film Festival's
coveted Crying Monkey Award,
49
00:03:46,659 --> 00:03:48,650
Satan's Alley.
50
00:03:53,032 --> 00:03:55,762
I've been a bad, bad boy, Father.
51
00:04:31,204 --> 00:04:34,002
In the winter of 1969,
52
00:04:34,107 --> 00:04:36,132
an elite force of the U.S. Army
53
00:04:36,242 --> 00:04:41,111
was sent on a top-secret assignment
in southeast Vietnam.
54
00:04:41,214 --> 00:04:43,978
The objective,
rescue Sergeant Four Leaf Tayback
55
00:04:44,083 --> 00:04:47,143
from a heavily guarded
NVA Prison Camp.
56
00:04:47,253 --> 00:04:50,347
The mission was considered
to be near suicide.
57
00:04:51,658 --> 00:04:54,957
Of the 10 men sent, four returned.
58
00:04:55,061 --> 00:04:58,497
Of those four, three wrote books
about what happened.
59
00:04:58,598 --> 00:05:01,567
Of those three, two were published.
60
00:05:01,668 --> 00:05:05,832
Of those two, just one got a movie deal.
61
00:05:07,340 --> 00:05:12,573
This is the story of the men
who attempted to make that movie.
62
00:05:23,389 --> 00:05:25,983
Whiskey Fire Old Snake
requests an LZ prep
63
00:05:26,092 --> 00:05:28,652
at Alpha-Delta-two-four-eight-niner,
over.
64
00:05:33,966 --> 00:05:38,232
Floyd, this is lead. Right echelon
approach from RP to LZ, acknowledge.
65
00:05:39,372 --> 00:05:41,499
Floyd, Wall-Eye airborne.
Welcome aboard.
66
00:05:44,944 --> 00:05:46,673
All right, lead's going in.
Give her some cover.
67
00:05:46,779 --> 00:05:49,612
Delivery on five.
I repeat, delivery on five.
68
00:05:55,688 --> 00:05:57,986
This is Zero-Three.
I'm on your six, don't worry.
69
00:05:58,324 --> 00:06:00,952
Chalk-Three's taking fire.
Guns right, guns right.
70
00:06:07,734 --> 00:06:09,861
Lay that shit down!
71
00:06:09,969 --> 00:06:11,266
Come on!
72
00:06:13,106 --> 00:06:15,404
Come on, you damn dirty heathens!
73
00:06:15,508 --> 00:06:18,841
Wall-Eye, Wall-Eye,
this is Boomer One-Seven in the Zee!
74
00:06:18,945 --> 00:06:22,346
I need fast movers
on my Yankee Smoke, copy?
75
00:06:22,448 --> 00:06:24,382
Boomer, this is Wall-Eye.
I got two-Alpha-four
76
00:06:24,484 --> 00:06:26,714
- snake and nape on the ready!
- Oh, Jesus! Holy shit!
77
00:06:26,819 --> 00:06:27,979
Holy shit!
78
00:06:28,087 --> 00:06:29,884
Get on that horn
and get some firepower, boy!
79
00:06:29,989 --> 00:06:31,149
Jesus Christ!
80
00:06:31,257 --> 00:06:32,554
Listen, you cherry fuck,
81
00:06:32,658 --> 00:06:36,185
you call in that snake and nape
and get us some boom-boom now!
82
00:06:36,295 --> 00:06:38,786
I'd do it myself
but I'm kind of goddamn busy!
83
00:06:38,898 --> 00:06:40,263
I need an answer, Boomer!
84
00:06:40,366 --> 00:06:42,061
Wall-Eye, Wall-Eye!
85
00:06:42,168 --> 00:06:43,533
I copy!
86
00:06:45,405 --> 00:06:46,895
What the fuck?
87
00:06:55,081 --> 00:06:57,515
That's for Brooklyn, motherfucker!
88
00:06:57,617 --> 00:06:59,414
I think I can put it back in!
89
00:06:59,519 --> 00:07:02,454
This is the last Christmas
I spend with Victor Charlie up my ass!
90
00:07:02,555 --> 00:07:05,291
Want some? Get some!
91
00:07:05,358 --> 00:07:08,384
Hey, yo, Fats! I ain't seen Four Leaf!
92
00:07:08,494 --> 00:07:11,691
Don't count him out! That bastard's
got luck tattooed to his ass!
93
00:07:11,798 --> 00:07:14,790
Motown, get your Detroit jukebox
Jheri curl ass
94
00:07:14,901 --> 00:07:17,131
in this chickenshit chop-chop! ASAFP!
95
00:07:17,236 --> 00:07:19,067
Four Leaf is still
outside the perimeter, Sarge!
96
00:07:19,172 --> 00:07:23,666
Miss me with that cracker chump jive!
We di di mau! We di di mau!
97
00:07:23,776 --> 00:07:25,175
Come on, get down, get down!
98
00:07:25,278 --> 00:07:27,303
What am I looking at? What is this?
99
00:07:28,214 --> 00:07:32,173
Come on, let's get, let's go!
Come on, elevator up, up!
100
00:07:32,285 --> 00:07:34,810
Sarge. It's Four Leaf.
101
00:07:48,100 --> 00:07:49,158
No!
102
00:07:55,575 --> 00:07:56,837
Survive!
103
00:08:10,022 --> 00:08:12,513
Cover me, you limp dick fuckups!
104
00:08:18,164 --> 00:08:21,395
Peek-a-boo! I see you!
105
00:08:23,436 --> 00:08:25,165
Hold on, Four Leaf!
106
00:08:27,807 --> 00:08:29,138
Oh, shit!
107
00:08:31,410 --> 00:08:32,900
Watch my right!
108
00:08:34,580 --> 00:08:36,844
Come on, Leaf, let's boogie!
109
00:08:44,190 --> 00:08:45,851
No!
110
00:08:45,958 --> 00:08:47,050
No!
111
00:08:50,229 --> 00:08:52,322
- Fats!
- Holy fuck!
112
00:08:53,599 --> 00:08:56,159
Take us over to those men! Shit!
113
00:09:00,640 --> 00:09:03,609
Look at you, man.
Playing with grenades.
114
00:09:07,113 --> 00:09:08,375
I'm cold, Linc.
115
00:09:10,416 --> 00:09:12,247
I can't feel my legs.
116
00:09:13,386 --> 00:09:15,377
Ain't nothing but a thang.
117
00:09:16,856 --> 00:09:19,086
Hold my hands,
118
00:09:19,191 --> 00:09:21,022
'cause I got something to...
119
00:09:21,127 --> 00:09:22,992
I got something to say.
120
00:09:24,397 --> 00:09:26,058
Oh, boy.
121
00:09:30,069 --> 00:09:32,970
When we get back to the world,
122
00:09:33,072 --> 00:09:35,802
I'm gonna finally teach you
how to juggle.
123
00:09:37,777 --> 00:09:41,042
I ain't never been worth a nothing
in this life,
124
00:09:41,147 --> 00:09:43,911
but I want you to know something.
125
00:09:44,984 --> 00:09:46,281
What, man?
126
00:09:48,187 --> 00:09:49,484
You are my...
127
00:09:50,990 --> 00:09:52,685
You are my brother.
128
00:10:05,671 --> 00:10:10,699
You are my brother.
You are my... You are my...
129
00:10:10,876 --> 00:10:12,503
I am your brother.
130
00:10:16,015 --> 00:10:17,744
I'm sorry. Could we cut?
131
00:10:17,850 --> 00:10:19,340
- What's he saying?
- Damien, can we cut?
132
00:10:19,452 --> 00:10:21,113
- No. No, no, no, no, no...
- All right, you know what?
133
00:10:21,220 --> 00:10:24,212
We got the jets coming in,
big explosion, two minutes.
134
00:10:24,323 --> 00:10:25,415
Still rolling.
135
00:10:25,524 --> 00:10:27,151
You know what? No, not still rolling.
Can we cut?
136
00:10:27,259 --> 00:10:28,920
- We're cutting.
- No, we're not. Get out!
137
00:10:29,028 --> 00:10:30,996
Hey, what's going on?
For real, my butt is hurting!
138
00:10:31,097 --> 00:10:33,031
This harness is riding up my crack!
139
00:10:33,132 --> 00:10:35,794
- Damien, are we cutting?
- No! No! Still rolling!
140
00:10:35,901 --> 00:10:38,028
Mr. Cockburn! Are we cutting, sir?
141
00:10:38,137 --> 00:10:41,300
No! No. I'm not cutting!
We're still rolling!
142
00:10:41,407 --> 00:10:42,465
Damien, what's the dealy, dude?
143
00:10:42,575 --> 00:10:44,372
Are we gonna blow
this tree line or what?
144
00:10:44,477 --> 00:10:46,035
Tuk Tuk and Kim
got the blue balls here.
145
00:10:46,145 --> 00:10:47,373
I'm gonna let them squirt if we're a go!
146
00:10:47,480 --> 00:10:49,710
- Play it through. Still rolling!
- Dieter, can he hear me?
147
00:10:49,815 --> 00:10:52,375
That's C-4, dipshit. Put that back.
I said a detonator.
148
00:10:52,485 --> 00:10:54,851
I need some dudes up here
who speak American, God damn it!
149
00:10:54,954 --> 00:10:56,421
He's making
a fucking sweater back here.
150
00:10:56,522 --> 00:10:58,854
I'm trying to put Tiger Balm
on this jungle's nuts.
151
00:10:58,958 --> 00:11:00,084
Oh, shit!
152
00:11:00,192 --> 00:11:01,819
Alpa Chino hotline. What's up?
What's up, baby?
153
00:11:01,927 --> 00:11:04,122
What the fuck is going on here?
154
00:11:04,230 --> 00:11:05,390
Everyone, please shut up.
155
00:11:05,498 --> 00:11:07,989
The jets are coming in.
We only have one chance at this!
156
00:11:08,100 --> 00:11:10,261
On three, baby. One, two, breathe.
157
00:11:10,369 --> 00:11:12,894
Look, do me a favor. I don't want to do
a countdown before I do the scene.
158
00:11:13,005 --> 00:11:14,063
- No countdown?
- No countdown.
159
00:11:14,173 --> 00:11:15,367
- Okay.
- Can we just do it off of "Action"?
160
00:11:15,474 --> 00:11:17,032
Just... In your own time.
161
00:11:17,143 --> 00:11:18,940
- Good...
- I'm not a rocket ship, okay?
162
00:11:19,045 --> 00:11:20,672
- All right, dude.
- And action!
163
00:11:20,780 --> 00:11:23,715
Whatever floats your boat, baby.
Fuck! Don't die!
164
00:11:23,816 --> 00:11:26,250
Erika, get me a VitaminWater!
165
00:11:26,352 --> 00:11:27,819
You know what it is, Damien? I'm sorry.
166
00:11:27,920 --> 00:11:32,323
Not to get into his thing, but if
I'm crying, should Osiris be crying, too?
167
00:11:32,425 --> 00:11:34,325
- No, it's everyone cry...
- We cutting or we crying?
168
00:11:34,427 --> 00:11:35,758
- No, no, no, we're crying!
- Just call it, man!
169
00:11:35,861 --> 00:11:37,988
- Kirk, you can cry. Tugg, you can cry.
- Thanks!
170
00:11:38,097 --> 00:11:39,826
- Everybody cry...
- You know what?
171
00:11:39,932 --> 00:11:41,900
- You see how agitated he is now?
- I know.
172
00:11:42,001 --> 00:11:44,435
- Let's make lemonade. Let's go to work.
- Okay. Still rolling!
173
00:11:44,837 --> 00:11:47,499
This is Falcon One. We have the ridge
in sight, approximately two miles out.
174
00:11:47,606 --> 00:11:49,870
Dieter, these jets
are about to crest this ridge line.
175
00:11:49,975 --> 00:11:51,909
They got about 200 pounds
of shit your pants.
176
00:11:52,011 --> 00:11:53,171
I need to know if we're ready to go.
177
00:11:55,815 --> 00:11:58,113
- You're my... You're my...
- I am your...
178
00:11:58,217 --> 00:12:01,675
See, that's what I think it is, Damien.
I think it's the line.
179
00:12:01,787 --> 00:12:02,811
Yeah?
180
00:12:02,922 --> 00:12:04,787
I don't know if Four Leaf
would say that... Four Leaf?
181
00:12:04,890 --> 00:12:07,222
Were you crying
when your hands blew up?
182
00:12:07,326 --> 00:12:08,953
No. See, he didn't.
Yeah, I mean, just that's what...
183
00:12:09,061 --> 00:12:10,619
So now we in re-writes, right?
184
00:12:10,730 --> 00:12:11,856
- Where you going?
- Let's re-write it!
185
00:12:11,964 --> 00:12:14,125
Action Jackson can't cry.
That's what's going down.
186
00:12:14,233 --> 00:12:16,201
You know what, Kirk?
I'm ready to do the scene!
187
00:12:16,302 --> 00:12:19,863
What scene? The scene is
about emotionality. Where is it?
188
00:12:19,972 --> 00:12:21,564
- Now it's time to flip the script!
- Kirk...
189
00:12:21,674 --> 00:12:23,835
Be here till Chinese New Year
waiting for my man to cry.
190
00:12:23,943 --> 00:12:25,376
Here they come!
191
00:12:25,478 --> 00:12:28,675
- Kirk, no!
- Stop tailgating me, you pasty teabag!
192
00:12:28,781 --> 00:12:29,770
Can I make pee-pee?
193
00:12:29,882 --> 00:12:32,282
- The planes are inbound!
- I know! Oh, shit!
194
00:12:32,384 --> 00:12:35,581
Get the fruit... Jesus! Fuck!
Shit! Cocksucking!
195
00:12:35,688 --> 00:12:39,385
- That's the signal! Go, go, go, go, go!
- Tropic tits!
196
00:12:39,492 --> 00:12:41,551
Goddamn shit-picking cock!
197
00:12:43,329 --> 00:12:45,058
It's beautiful!
198
00:12:51,103 --> 00:12:54,038
Mother Nature just pissed her pantsuit!
199
00:12:54,340 --> 00:12:57,207
Hot! Hot, hot, hot, hot! Fuck!
200
00:13:01,814 --> 00:13:03,372
- Sweet.
- Oh, mama!
201
00:13:03,516 --> 00:13:04,881
Let me down!
202
00:13:05,985 --> 00:13:08,249
Bungle in the jungle.
203
00:13:08,354 --> 00:13:11,448
More bad news from the Vietnamese set
of Tropic Thunder,
204
00:13:11,557 --> 00:13:15,288
where a $4 million explosion
charred the Asian location
205
00:13:15,394 --> 00:13:17,362
and the camera wasn't even rolling.
206
00:13:17,463 --> 00:13:20,125
Financed by hotheaded mega-mogul
Les Grossman,
207
00:13:20,232 --> 00:13:23,326
the film is already rumored to be
one month behind schedule
208
00:13:23,435 --> 00:13:26,302
just five days into shooting.
The reason?
209
00:13:26,405 --> 00:13:29,340
Fingers are pointed at rookie director
Damien Cockburn,
210
00:13:29,441 --> 00:13:32,535
who, insiders say,
can't control a star-studded cast,
211
00:13:32,645 --> 00:13:37,344
including flatulent star of the popular
Fatties franchise, Jeff Portnoy.
212
00:13:37,449 --> 00:13:39,974
Let me tell you something.
A lot of people are disrespecting me.
213
00:13:40,085 --> 00:13:43,816
They say that the movie's
just about farts. It's about family,
214
00:13:43,923 --> 00:13:47,017
and... you! You can't do what I do.
215
00:13:47,126 --> 00:13:51,358
Fresh from his most recent arrest
for heroin, glue and crack possession,
216
00:13:51,463 --> 00:13:53,829
Portnoy was almost uninsurable.
217
00:13:53,933 --> 00:13:58,267
Also in the mix is Booty Sweat-hocking
hip-hop hyphenate Alpa Chino.
218
00:13:58,370 --> 00:14:00,861
I'm so excited, you know what I'm
saying, about doing Tropic Thunder.
219
00:14:00,973 --> 00:14:03,134
Hey, drink Booty Sweat, baby.
Drink Booty Sweat.
220
00:14:03,242 --> 00:14:04,903
But the real heavyweight on the set
221
00:14:05,010 --> 00:14:07,706
is five-time Academy Award winner
Kirk Lazarus.
222
00:14:07,813 --> 00:14:11,544
The brilliant Australian
known for his bad boy antics off-screen
223
00:14:11,650 --> 00:14:15,245
is famous for his total immersion
into any role he portrays.
224
00:14:15,354 --> 00:14:16,654
Well, being an actor is no different
225
00:14:16,755 --> 00:14:18,950
than being a rugby player
or a construction worker,
226
00:14:19,058 --> 00:14:20,184
save for the fact that my tools
227
00:14:20,292 --> 00:14:22,351
are the mechanisms
that trigger human emotion.
228
00:14:22,461 --> 00:14:24,520
Lazarus underwent a controversial
229
00:14:24,630 --> 00:14:27,622
pigmentation alteration procedure
in order to play
230
00:14:27,733 --> 00:14:30,827
the platoon's African-American
sergeant, Lincoln Osiris.
231
00:14:30,936 --> 00:14:32,369
Yeah!
232
00:14:32,471 --> 00:14:34,336
Trying to hold his own onscreen
with Kirk
233
00:14:34,440 --> 00:14:36,567
is action juggernaut Tugg Speedman.
234
00:14:36,675 --> 00:14:39,473
Once the highest grossing star
in the world,
235
00:14:39,578 --> 00:14:42,638
lately his Scorcher films
have lost their heat.
236
00:14:42,748 --> 00:14:45,342
Recently, Speedman opened up to Tyra.
237
00:14:45,451 --> 00:14:47,385
You have no real family.
238
00:14:47,486 --> 00:14:51,923
You're on the wrong side of 40.
You're childless and alone.
239
00:14:52,024 --> 00:14:53,719
Somebody close to you said,
240
00:14:53,826 --> 00:14:56,624
"One more flop and it's over."
241
00:14:58,731 --> 00:15:00,824
Somebody said they were close to me?
242
00:15:01,767 --> 00:15:02,893
It's been a tough year for Tugg.
243
00:15:03,002 --> 00:15:05,766
The disappointing buddy comedy
Chitlin' & the Dude
244
00:15:05,871 --> 00:15:10,535
was followed by an ill-advised venture
into serious dramatic territory.
245
00:15:10,643 --> 00:15:11,735
Simple Jack,
246
00:15:11,844 --> 00:15:15,575
the story of a mentally impaired
farmhand who can talk to animals,
247
00:15:15,681 --> 00:15:17,546
was a box office disaster
248
00:15:17,650 --> 00:15:22,246
that many critics called,
"One of the worst movies of all time."
249
00:15:22,354 --> 00:15:25,983
I ain't got a good brain.
250
00:15:27,026 --> 00:15:29,927
I think you've got a fine brain, Jack.
251
00:15:30,029 --> 00:15:35,194
You make me happy.
252
00:15:36,735 --> 00:15:41,172
But now the question is,
can Speedman make audiences happy
253
00:15:41,273 --> 00:15:43,036
in what's being called
the most expensive
254
00:15:43,142 --> 00:15:45,406
- war movie never made?
- Rick Peck.
255
00:15:45,511 --> 00:15:47,001
Wishing Tugg all the best on that one.
256
00:15:47,112 --> 00:15:51,446
Rum-Tum-Tuggernauts, it's the Pecker.
You got time for your agent?
257
00:15:51,550 --> 00:15:52,812
- Rick?
- Hey, buddy,
258
00:15:52,918 --> 00:15:54,476
guess who I'm staring at right now.
259
00:15:54,586 --> 00:15:56,247
- What?
- I'm looking at your ugly mug
260
00:15:56,355 --> 00:15:58,653
on the back cover
of Vanity Fair magazine,
261
00:15:58,757 --> 00:16:01,191
holding a cute, cuddly panda
from Cutesville.
262
00:16:01,293 --> 00:16:03,887
It is insane, bro. You are a rock star.
263
00:16:03,996 --> 00:16:06,590
Hey, did you get the gift basket I sent?
264
00:16:06,699 --> 00:16:07,723
From Rick.
265
00:16:07,833 --> 00:16:09,926
Yeah. Yeah. It's cool, man. Thanks.
266
00:16:10,035 --> 00:16:12,595
All right,
that is a real satellite phone, bro.
267
00:16:12,705 --> 00:16:14,297
Do not re-gift.
268
00:16:14,406 --> 00:16:16,897
Hey. You see
that Access Hollywood piece?
269
00:16:17,009 --> 00:16:19,944
Yeah, I did.
It was like pistol-whipping a blind kid.
270
00:16:20,045 --> 00:16:24,482
I mean, I'm not gonna sugarcoat it,
Tugg. You are a huge star, all right?
271
00:16:24,583 --> 00:16:26,050
But right now,
272
00:16:26,151 --> 00:16:27,709
you're like that kid on the playground,
you know,
273
00:16:27,820 --> 00:16:30,789
the one who has lice that none
of the other kids want to play with?
274
00:16:30,889 --> 00:16:32,880
- What do you mean?
- I mean we gotta shave your head
275
00:16:32,992 --> 00:16:35,460
and get you back
on the monkey bars, right?
276
00:16:35,561 --> 00:16:36,892
What?
277
00:16:36,996 --> 00:16:38,861
How did the crying scene go?
278
00:16:38,964 --> 00:16:40,727
Horrible. Lazarus started crying.
279
00:16:40,833 --> 00:16:43,996
Then he starts drooling and dribbling,
and it wasn't even in the script...
280
00:16:44,103 --> 00:16:45,195
Stop right there!
281
00:16:45,304 --> 00:16:47,033
You gotta buck up here, Tuggboat.
282
00:16:47,139 --> 00:16:49,835
Who cares how much more talented
he may be than you?
283
00:16:49,942 --> 00:16:53,309
If he cries, you cry harder, man.
284
00:16:53,412 --> 00:16:55,573
Didn't your dog have, like, leukemia
or something
285
00:16:55,681 --> 00:16:57,046
when you were a kid?
I mean, think of that.
286
00:16:57,149 --> 00:17:00,084
Boom! End of story.
They hook up the TiVo yet?
287
00:17:00,185 --> 00:17:01,675
- No.
- What?
288
00:17:01,787 --> 00:17:03,687
They have digital cable, but,
I mean, it's okay.
289
00:17:03,789 --> 00:17:06,019
No, no, no. Come on, man. It's not okay.
290
00:17:06,125 --> 00:17:08,252
It is not okay, Tugg!
291
00:17:08,360 --> 00:17:11,488
And you don't need to explain to me
why you need TiVo
292
00:17:11,597 --> 00:17:15,533
or clean water, clean sheets,
food, shelter.
293
00:17:15,634 --> 00:17:18,728
I mean, I fought for that in your contract.
294
00:17:18,837 --> 00:17:20,896
How's the adoption thing coming,
buddy?
295
00:17:21,006 --> 00:17:23,031
Not too great.
296
00:17:24,410 --> 00:17:26,708
Well, at least you get to choose yours.
297
00:17:26,812 --> 00:17:28,643
I'm stuck with mine.
298
00:17:30,549 --> 00:17:33,074
Tell you what, get back to work,
genius soldier.
299
00:17:33,185 --> 00:17:36,052
The Pecker's on a TiVo mission
for the Y-O-U.
300
00:17:36,155 --> 00:17:37,918
Work on those tears, my man.
301
00:17:38,023 --> 00:17:39,115
All right. Yeah.
302
00:17:39,224 --> 00:17:40,782
Say it for me one time.
303
00:17:40,893 --> 00:17:45,159
- You make me happy.
- Make me happy.
304
00:17:45,264 --> 00:17:46,856
- I love you, buddy.
- All right, bye.
305
00:17:47,766 --> 00:17:49,757
Crisis meeting?
What does that mean, exactly?
306
00:17:49,868 --> 00:17:51,529
I mean, are we in a crisis?
307
00:17:51,637 --> 00:17:53,161
He's the head of the studio.
308
00:17:53,272 --> 00:17:55,638
He's reaching out.
We're 10,000 miles away.
309
00:17:55,741 --> 00:17:56,833
He just wants a little face-time.
310
00:17:56,942 --> 00:17:59,536
I know, it's just you said
that he called it a crisis meeting. So...
311
00:17:59,645 --> 00:18:02,045
It's Les Grossman.
He throws these words around.
312
00:18:02,147 --> 00:18:06,550
"Crisis," "explosion,"
"not rolling," "fired."
313
00:18:06,652 --> 00:18:07,983
These are just words.
314
00:18:08,087 --> 00:18:10,180
Yeah! Yeah!
315
00:18:10,289 --> 00:18:13,588
Keep a secret? A camera truck
in London just plowed into Judi Dench.
316
00:18:13,692 --> 00:18:14,818
Trust me, he's got bigger problems.
317
00:18:14,927 --> 00:18:17,395
Look, he may be able to see me,
but I can't see him.
318
00:18:17,496 --> 00:18:22,024
- Move! Move! Hello, Les! Hello!
- Get your ass out of my...
319
00:18:22,134 --> 00:18:23,567
- Your feet were on my desk.
- Can he see us?
320
00:18:23,669 --> 00:18:25,000
I don't know why we don't have...
321
00:18:25,104 --> 00:18:27,265
Get him a Diet Coke. Les! It's working!
322
00:18:27,372 --> 00:18:29,863
Yeah, whatever you're doing right there.
Hello, Les!
323
00:18:29,975 --> 00:18:31,374
- Hello, Les!
- Okay.
324
00:18:31,477 --> 00:18:33,536
We got you loud and clear here, Les.
325
00:18:33,645 --> 00:18:37,342
I see you. I see you. I see you.
326
00:18:37,449 --> 00:18:40,577
Which one of you fuckfaces
is Damien Cockburn?
327
00:18:41,587 --> 00:18:43,111
That's me, sir.
328
00:18:43,222 --> 00:18:46,749
It's good to finally meet you at last,
get some face-time.
329
00:18:46,859 --> 00:18:50,818
And who here is the key grip?
You? You.
330
00:18:52,831 --> 00:18:56,289
Hit that director in the face,
really fucking hard.
331
00:19:03,142 --> 00:19:04,473
Sorry, man.
332
00:19:10,983 --> 00:19:14,384
This is your fault, you limey fuck!
333
00:19:14,486 --> 00:19:16,511
You shit the money-bed, my friend.
334
00:19:16,622 --> 00:19:19,352
Hey, Les, I understand if you're angry,
335
00:19:19,458 --> 00:19:21,449
but I am dealing
with a bunch of prima donnas!
336
00:19:21,560 --> 00:19:25,052
Clowns! Tugg Speedman, he can't cry!
He can't cry!
337
00:19:25,164 --> 00:19:27,564
You know how you handle an actor?
They whine about anything,
338
00:19:27,666 --> 00:19:30,965
you pull down their pants
and you spank their ass.
339
00:19:31,069 --> 00:19:33,264
- You spank that ass, Les.
- What?
340
00:19:33,372 --> 00:19:37,138
Spanking a child
turns him into a little snot.
341
00:19:38,010 --> 00:19:40,911
Fear makes him a man.
342
00:19:41,947 --> 00:19:46,543
I know a place
where a man's worth is measured
343
00:19:46,652 --> 00:19:50,452
in the ears hanging from his dog tags.
344
00:19:50,556 --> 00:19:53,286
The real deep shit.
345
00:19:53,392 --> 00:19:55,986
You wanna make this movie right?
346
00:19:56,094 --> 00:19:59,586
That's where you take
your pansy-ass actors.
347
00:20:01,166 --> 00:20:03,031
Who is this guy?
348
00:20:03,135 --> 00:20:05,035
Les, that's Four Leaf.
349
00:20:05,137 --> 00:20:08,436
Sergeant Four Leaf Tayback.
I wrote the book.
350
00:20:10,642 --> 00:20:14,703
You're a great American.
This nation owes you a huge debt.
351
00:20:14,813 --> 00:20:17,782
Now shut the fuck up
and let me do my job!
352
00:20:18,650 --> 00:20:20,117
- Look, Cockburn.
- Yes.
353
00:20:20,219 --> 00:20:24,246
From now on, my fist
is gonna be so far up your shithole
354
00:20:24,356 --> 00:20:25,721
that every time you have a thought,
355
00:20:25,824 --> 00:20:28,850
it's gonna have to tiptoe
past my wedding ring.
356
00:20:28,961 --> 00:20:32,488
Take control of your actors,
or I will shut you down.
357
00:20:32,598 --> 00:20:33,690
Diet Coke!
358
00:20:46,278 --> 00:20:48,974
When the herd loses its way,
359
00:20:49,081 --> 00:20:53,518
the shepherd must kill
the bull that leads them astray.
360
00:20:55,354 --> 00:20:58,619
- Four Leaf?
- Come on over. It's okay.
361
00:21:00,292 --> 00:21:01,782
- Sit down.
- Yes.
362
00:21:03,195 --> 00:21:08,292
- So, you don't like the hotel?
- Beds give me nightmares.
363
00:21:13,338 --> 00:21:18,537
I'm guessing right about now
you couldn't find a Dixie coonskin
364
00:21:18,644 --> 00:21:22,978
with an Ohio hooker holding your prick
and showing you the way.
365
00:21:29,788 --> 00:21:31,119
What?
366
00:21:31,223 --> 00:21:35,159
I put my story in your limp Brit hands,
367
00:21:35,260 --> 00:21:38,696
and you are not going to fail me.
368
00:21:38,797 --> 00:21:42,392
You think I was just blowing
my own bagpipe in that meeting?
369
00:21:42,501 --> 00:21:46,335
You must put those boys in the shit.
370
00:21:46,438 --> 00:21:47,996
What? I don't understand.
371
00:21:48,106 --> 00:21:51,371
- You wanna make your movie or not?
- Yes, I do.
372
00:21:51,476 --> 00:21:54,968
All right, you get
some of those little video type cameras.
373
00:21:55,080 --> 00:21:58,709
We take them out there, and we put
them in the trees in different angles.
374
00:21:58,817 --> 00:22:02,116
Then you give me
and that pyromaniac Cody
375
00:22:02,220 --> 00:22:07,089
all the smoke bombs, charges,
explosives, detonators you got.
376
00:22:07,192 --> 00:22:09,626
Then we take those boys up there,
377
00:22:09,728 --> 00:22:12,822
me and Cody,
we could light up that fucking jungle,
378
00:22:12,931 --> 00:22:15,866
so those lily-dick actors
would be shitting their pants
379
00:22:15,967 --> 00:22:17,958
and screaming for their mammies.
380
00:22:18,070 --> 00:22:21,528
They'd be begging for a body bag
if it means a ride home.
381
00:22:24,376 --> 00:22:25,900
I could do it.
382
00:22:26,678 --> 00:22:30,114
I could shoot the whole thing
guerrilla style. Gritty, dirty.
383
00:22:30,215 --> 00:22:33,548
Get them away from their helpers
and ass-licking assistants.
384
00:22:33,652 --> 00:22:34,744
Put them in the real shit.
385
00:22:34,853 --> 00:22:36,047
- Real shit.
- With real fear in their eyes!
386
00:22:36,154 --> 00:22:39,214
Real fear, real emotion!
Yes, Four Leaf, yes!
387
00:22:39,324 --> 00:22:41,417
- Yes! Yes!
- Yes! Yes!
388
00:22:41,526 --> 00:22:43,289
Take them off the fucking grid!
389
00:23:00,746 --> 00:23:03,510
You are no longer actors in a movie!
390
00:23:04,616 --> 00:23:07,346
You are five men in a helicopter!
391
00:23:09,121 --> 00:23:10,884
With three other men!
392
00:23:16,528 --> 00:23:18,052
How long are we gonna be gone,
anyways?
393
00:23:18,163 --> 00:23:22,224
'Cause I left most of my vitamins
back at the hotel.
394
00:23:22,334 --> 00:23:24,894
- Save your breath, maggots!
- That's right, maggots!
395
00:23:48,059 --> 00:23:50,721
Go, go, go! Get out of the chopper!
396
00:23:52,030 --> 00:23:55,193
Move it, maggots, move!
Move, grunts, move your ass!
397
00:23:55,300 --> 00:23:57,598
Get out, you wriggly worms!
398
00:23:57,702 --> 00:24:00,170
- It's up too high!
- Move, move, move!
399
00:24:03,642 --> 00:24:05,371
See you in hell!
400
00:24:16,888 --> 00:24:21,086
This is bullshit!
I gotta at least call my fucking assistant.
401
00:24:22,360 --> 00:24:25,090
Fucking! Jesus! Dude!
402
00:24:26,565 --> 00:24:28,795
You're sitting on a nest
of hostile enemy V.C.
403
00:24:28,900 --> 00:24:32,336
Congratulations, Fats.
You just got us all killed.
404
00:24:33,338 --> 00:24:36,933
Anybody else care to give away
our position to Charlie?
405
00:24:37,042 --> 00:24:38,805
Cell phones!
406
00:24:38,910 --> 00:24:40,377
What the hell, Damien?
407
00:24:40,479 --> 00:24:44,176
Weren't no cell phones in '69, man.
I'm head-to-toe legitimate.
408
00:24:44,282 --> 00:24:47,683
Gentlemen, I've got good news
and bad news.
409
00:24:47,786 --> 00:24:51,278
The studio wants to shut us down.
That's the bad news.
410
00:24:51,423 --> 00:24:53,721
And the good news.
411
00:24:53,825 --> 00:24:56,726
If you wanna save this movie,
you will become a unit.
412
00:24:56,828 --> 00:25:00,594
Your objective is to head north
to the D'ang Kwook River
413
00:25:00,699 --> 00:25:02,189
and liberate the POW camp,
414
00:25:02,300 --> 00:25:05,565
at which point Four Leaf
will get himself captured,
415
00:25:05,670 --> 00:25:07,467
at which point you will rescue him,
416
00:25:07,572 --> 00:25:10,939
at which point
we will chopper you home!
417
00:25:12,143 --> 00:25:13,235
Damn.
418
00:25:13,345 --> 00:25:15,142
Four Leaf,
since you're the staff sergeant,
419
00:25:15,247 --> 00:25:17,647
there's the map, this is the scene list.
420
00:25:17,749 --> 00:25:19,876
Think you can handle it?
421
00:25:19,985 --> 00:25:24,183
We have rigged this entire
valley of death with hidden cameras.
422
00:25:25,657 --> 00:25:29,286
And I will be shooting as well,
from unseen vantage points,
423
00:25:29,394 --> 00:25:32,989
so that every glorious moment
is captured on film.
424
00:25:34,266 --> 00:25:37,429
And believe me, gentlemen,
it will be glorious.
425
00:25:37,536 --> 00:25:40,061
If it looks real,
chances are it probably is.
426
00:25:40,171 --> 00:25:41,763
You wanted to be actors.
427
00:25:41,873 --> 00:25:44,467
You wanted to occupy
the skin of another human being.
428
00:25:44,576 --> 00:25:47,568
Well, get ready to occupy the skin
of a terrified U.S. Infantry grunt,
429
00:25:47,679 --> 00:25:51,445
surrounded by death,
crawling up Satan's bottom.
430
00:25:52,484 --> 00:25:57,183
There'll be ambushes, enemy fire,
your own little personal slice of 'Nam.
431
00:25:57,289 --> 00:26:01,885
This radio goes to the chopper
and the chopper only.
432
00:26:01,993 --> 00:26:06,396
The chopper is God,
and I am Jesus Christ, his son.
433
00:26:06,531 --> 00:26:09,227
You are my chosen disciples.
434
00:26:09,334 --> 00:26:12,360
And no one gets to go home
till we get the shots.
435
00:26:12,470 --> 00:26:15,496
Put on your war faces, gentlemen.
436
00:26:15,607 --> 00:26:20,306
Now, let's go and make
the greatest war movie ever!
437
00:26:20,412 --> 00:26:22,744
- Yeah!
- All right!
438
00:26:41,499 --> 00:26:42,557
Yeah!
439
00:26:48,006 --> 00:26:49,064
Yeah!
440
00:27:01,620 --> 00:27:03,520
Not bad, Cockburn!
441
00:27:05,357 --> 00:27:06,551
Not bad.
442
00:27:08,259 --> 00:27:09,851
Wherever you are!
443
00:27:11,863 --> 00:27:14,923
Wherever he is?
Looks like he's all over the place.
444
00:27:16,735 --> 00:27:18,635
Here we go.
445
00:27:18,737 --> 00:27:20,762
Must be an old French mine.
446
00:27:20,872 --> 00:27:24,330
It's a remnant from colonial Indo-China.
This jungle must be full of them.
447
00:27:26,411 --> 00:27:29,869
Don't you get it?
He's messing with our heads.
448
00:27:29,981 --> 00:27:32,006
That's what all that
playing God stuff was about.
449
00:27:32,117 --> 00:27:34,677
He's trying to get us to act good,
save the movie.
450
00:27:34,786 --> 00:27:37,812
He ain't playing God.
He's being judged by him.
451
00:27:41,826 --> 00:27:44,522
That's our objective.
Complete the mission.
452
00:27:50,735 --> 00:27:53,636
No offense, Kirk,
I know you're the big fancy actor here,
453
00:27:53,738 --> 00:27:57,640
but I've done a lot more effects-driven
event films than you. Okay?
454
00:27:57,742 --> 00:27:59,141
And I think I can spot
455
00:28:01,246 --> 00:28:02,770
a prop head when I see one.
456
00:28:02,881 --> 00:28:04,371
Oh, Jesus.
457
00:28:05,583 --> 00:28:09,075
It's corn syrup, guys.
Corn syrup and latex.
458
00:28:12,290 --> 00:28:15,418
Warm, blood-flavored corn syrup.
459
00:28:15,527 --> 00:28:16,653
Oh, God.
460
00:28:17,295 --> 00:28:20,424
Smoke and mirrors, guys.
Welcome to the movie factory.
461
00:28:20,532 --> 00:28:21,726
Oldest trick in the book.
462
00:28:23,735 --> 00:28:25,032
He getting down now.
463
00:28:25,136 --> 00:28:26,501
Oh, my God!
464
00:28:29,307 --> 00:28:31,366
Whoa, look at me!
465
00:28:31,476 --> 00:28:32,943
You're going to get the shots,
466
00:28:33,044 --> 00:28:36,036
and I'm going to make sure
because I'm the director.
467
00:28:36,147 --> 00:28:38,274
I'm from London. I direct plays.
468
00:28:38,383 --> 00:28:41,409
Hey, Damien! We got our war faces on!
469
00:28:51,296 --> 00:28:52,991
Look, I'm Dave Beckham.
470
00:29:02,774 --> 00:29:05,174
So, we gotta
light these boys up today, huh?
471
00:29:05,276 --> 00:29:07,471
Blow some sense into these young men.
472
00:29:08,446 --> 00:29:11,347
Hey, I don't want to come off
as weird or anything,
473
00:29:11,449 --> 00:29:15,385
but I might be your biggest fan. Yeah.
474
00:29:16,755 --> 00:29:20,247
Tropic Thunder.
Kind of like my Catcher in the Rye.
475
00:29:21,493 --> 00:29:23,723
Yeah, I've never been in the military,
per se,
476
00:29:23,828 --> 00:29:26,262
but I have lost an appendage
in the line of duty.
477
00:29:28,066 --> 00:29:30,296
Driving Miss Daisy, first studio gig.
478
00:29:31,069 --> 00:29:32,127
Yeah.
479
00:29:32,637 --> 00:29:35,435
It's a pretty cool sidearm you got there.
What is it?
480
00:29:35,540 --> 00:29:37,201
I don't know what it's called.
481
00:29:38,343 --> 00:29:43,076
I just know the sound it makes
when it takes a man's life.
482
00:29:46,217 --> 00:29:47,275
Okay.
483
00:29:47,852 --> 00:29:49,080
Damien, we're go for explosion.
484
00:29:49,187 --> 00:29:51,985
Ready to kick the tires
and light the fires on your say-so.
485
00:29:52,090 --> 00:29:53,819
Damien, we're go for explosion.
486
00:29:54,959 --> 00:29:55,983
Do you copy?
487
00:29:56,094 --> 00:29:58,961
I got an itchy trigger finger here,
and I'm ready to blow some shit up.
488
00:29:59,063 --> 00:30:02,692
All right, you happy now?
Can we do the scene?
489
00:30:02,801 --> 00:30:05,429
Or do you need a formal invitation?
Come on, let's go!
490
00:30:07,238 --> 00:30:08,330
Here. Okay.
491
00:30:08,439 --> 00:30:10,634
"Scene 12, exterior,
jungle clearing, day, ambush.
492
00:30:16,181 --> 00:30:18,115
"Four Leaf notices
movement in the brush.
493
00:30:18,216 --> 00:30:21,242
"A dozen guerrilla fighters
can be seen moving in the tree line.
494
00:30:21,352 --> 00:30:23,912
"Somewhere a mine explodes."
And you.
495
00:30:25,256 --> 00:30:27,281
"I got a bad feeling on this one."
496
00:30:27,392 --> 00:30:28,882
- Yeah.
- No, that's your line.
497
00:30:28,993 --> 00:30:31,860
- I got... Now?
- Yeah, but scared. Like, scared.
498
00:30:31,963 --> 00:30:34,693
- "I got a bad feeling on this one."
- Dude, wait, like how?
499
00:30:34,799 --> 00:30:36,630
"I got a bad feeling on this one."
500
00:30:36,734 --> 00:30:38,827
- Okay.
- Action. Go, come on.
501
00:30:47,846 --> 00:30:50,713
I got a bad feeling
on this one there, Fats.
502
00:30:52,050 --> 00:30:55,451
Our asses don't get fragged
in this bullshit valley,
503
00:30:55,553 --> 00:30:57,384
first thing I'm doing
is paying my 2 bucks
504
00:30:57,488 --> 00:30:59,115
so I can watch Brooklyn bust his cherry
505
00:30:59,224 --> 00:31:01,920
on a sweet little mama-san's
dinky dau poontang.
506
00:31:02,026 --> 00:31:04,927
Shit, Brooklyn be bagged and tagged
before he get any cooch.
507
00:31:05,029 --> 00:31:08,260
He die, he probably die
a coochless motherfucker.
508
00:31:08,366 --> 00:31:10,095
Zip it, Motown.
509
00:31:10,201 --> 00:31:11,793
Man, I'm thirsty.
510
00:31:12,904 --> 00:31:17,864
Might as well have some of this
Booty Sweat I got back in Danang.
511
00:31:18,743 --> 00:31:22,235
Yo, asshole! This motherfucker's dead!
512
00:31:22,347 --> 00:31:24,144
Ain't no Criss Angel Mindfreak,
513
00:31:24,249 --> 00:31:27,582
David Blaine trapdoor
horseshit jumping off here!
514
00:31:27,685 --> 00:31:31,451
Hey! You wanna get on the train here,
or do you wanna ruin another take?
515
00:31:31,556 --> 00:31:34,889
There ain't no goddamn takes,
ain't no goddamn motion picture!
516
00:31:35,860 --> 00:31:37,623
- You sure?
- Yeah.
517
00:31:37,729 --> 00:31:39,526
- Yeah?
- For certain, man.
518
00:31:39,631 --> 00:31:41,531
Then why are you still in character?
519
00:31:43,101 --> 00:31:45,069
I know, but I don't have to tell you.
520
00:31:46,204 --> 00:31:47,262
You don't know.
521
00:31:47,372 --> 00:31:50,307
Man, I don't drop character
till I done a DVD commentary.
522
00:31:53,077 --> 00:31:55,238
You happy now?
We're out of position for the effects!
523
00:31:55,346 --> 00:31:57,075
Get down, fool!
524
00:31:58,783 --> 00:32:01,684
Didn't anyone read the script?
This is the ambush!
525
00:32:03,087 --> 00:32:06,750
- This feels pretty real!
- Exactly! Let's use it.
526
00:32:17,368 --> 00:32:18,528
Yeah!
527
00:32:19,804 --> 00:32:21,169
Yeah!
528
00:32:23,775 --> 00:32:25,037
Eat lead!
529
00:32:27,011 --> 00:32:29,377
They're busting caps
like a motherfucker down there.
530
00:32:32,650 --> 00:32:34,743
This is FUBAR. I say we juice them.
531
00:32:34,852 --> 00:32:36,342
- What do you think?
- Juice them.
532
00:32:38,756 --> 00:32:41,247
Fuck you, Charlie!
533
00:32:43,328 --> 00:32:44,795
Big-ass titties!
534
00:32:50,768 --> 00:32:52,395
Look at that, huh?
535
00:32:57,675 --> 00:32:58,869
And cut!
536
00:33:01,145 --> 00:33:02,976
That's the trailer right there.
537
00:33:03,081 --> 00:33:04,378
Yeah!
538
00:33:04,482 --> 00:33:06,746
- What do we do now?
- Yeah.
539
00:33:06,851 --> 00:33:08,375
North. Man said to head north.
540
00:33:08,486 --> 00:33:11,819
- Did you see me shooting?
- That's how we do. Good work, baby.
541
00:33:11,923 --> 00:33:12,981
I believed it.
542
00:33:13,091 --> 00:33:14,251
D'ang Kwook River.
543
00:33:14,892 --> 00:33:16,291
I'm betting
he's got more of these battles
544
00:33:16,394 --> 00:33:19,124
and Viet Congs
rigged for us along the way.
545
00:33:19,230 --> 00:33:22,996
Sergeant Osiris, get your men.
Load and lock.
546
00:33:23,668 --> 00:33:25,431
Real, baby, I'm real.
547
00:33:26,504 --> 00:33:29,302
Let's go! We got a lot of klicks to cover!
548
00:33:30,441 --> 00:33:33,467
Hump it up, gentlemen!
Single formation.
549
00:33:33,578 --> 00:33:35,409
Don't dawdle now!
550
00:33:59,537 --> 00:34:03,803
D-Rod, D-Rod, this is Puddingface.
How are we coming on that hotplate?
551
00:34:06,444 --> 00:34:09,743
Something's up.
I think we better drag ass back there.
552
00:34:09,847 --> 00:34:12,543
Make sure Damien ain't forgot
how to use his talkbox again.
553
00:34:20,291 --> 00:34:23,260
Yeah, baby, come on. Just a little taste.
554
00:34:24,862 --> 00:34:26,989
- What are you doing, Jeff?
- Fucking... Nothing, man!
555
00:34:27,098 --> 00:34:30,431
- I'm eating jellybeans.
- Wow, I love jellybeans. Can I please...
556
00:34:30,535 --> 00:34:33,265
No, you can't have
any fucking jellybeans.
557
00:34:33,371 --> 00:34:34,463
They're mine.
558
00:34:34,572 --> 00:34:35,732
You think
you're the only one who gets sick
559
00:34:35,840 --> 00:34:37,535
when he doesn't have his jellybeans?
560
00:34:37,642 --> 00:34:39,041
Boundaries, man. Fuck.
561
00:34:58,963 --> 00:35:01,659
Hey. I didn't mean to
show you up back there.
562
00:35:01,766 --> 00:35:05,896
It's just, I feel like we really need
to set the example for the other guys.
563
00:35:06,003 --> 00:35:07,903
It's gonna be tough,
564
00:35:08,005 --> 00:35:11,031
but I think Damien's gonna get
some great shit out of us.
565
00:35:12,577 --> 00:35:14,306
Just wish I had
a director like this on Jack.
566
00:35:14,412 --> 00:35:16,903
On Jack. What? Jack?
What you talking about?
567
00:35:18,116 --> 00:35:20,084
- Simple Jack.
- Oh, yeah.
568
00:35:21,586 --> 00:35:24,817
Simple Jack, yeah.
You went all out on that one, huh?
569
00:35:24,922 --> 00:35:27,186
You did.
Really swung for the fences, huh?
570
00:35:27,291 --> 00:35:29,691
Thank you. Thanks. Yeah.
571
00:35:29,794 --> 00:35:32,695
Yeah, it was an intense experience,
you know.
572
00:35:33,397 --> 00:35:35,490
I just did the work.
573
00:35:35,600 --> 00:35:39,400
Watched a lot of retarded people.
Spent time with them. Observed them.
574
00:35:40,705 --> 00:35:42,866
Watched all the retarded stuff they did.
575
00:35:42,974 --> 00:35:44,737
Then again,
I always found mere observation
576
00:35:44,842 --> 00:35:47,140
in and of itself is a tad rudimentary.
577
00:35:47,245 --> 00:35:50,305
Sometimes, we gotta dig deeper
to mine the true emotional pay dirt.
578
00:35:50,414 --> 00:35:54,748
Thus, we can diagram the source
of the pain and then live it, you know.
579
00:35:54,852 --> 00:35:56,911
Yeah, yeah, live it. Yeah, exactly.
580
00:35:57,021 --> 00:35:59,751
You know, there were times
when I was doing Jack
581
00:35:59,857 --> 00:36:02,325
that I actually felt retarded,
582
00:36:02,426 --> 00:36:04,319
- like really retarded.
- Damn.
583
00:36:04,428 --> 00:36:07,659
In a weird way,
I had to sort of just free myself up
584
00:36:07,765 --> 00:36:10,734
to believe that it was okay
to be stupid or dumb.
585
00:36:10,835 --> 00:36:12,393
- To be a moron.
- Yeah.
586
00:36:12,503 --> 00:36:15,233
- To be moronical.
- Exactly, to be a moron.
587
00:36:15,339 --> 00:36:16,704
- An imbecile.
- Yeah.
588
00:36:16,807 --> 00:36:19,674
Like the dumbest motherfucker
that ever lived.
589
00:36:19,777 --> 00:36:20,937
When I was playing the character.
590
00:36:21,045 --> 00:36:23,639
- When you was the character.
- Yeah, as Jack, definitely.
591
00:36:23,748 --> 00:36:25,978
Jack, stupid ass Jack.
592
00:36:26,083 --> 00:36:27,812
By the end of the whole thing, I was like,
593
00:36:27,919 --> 00:36:32,447
"Wait a minute, I flushed so much out,
how am I gonna jumpstart it up again?"
594
00:36:32,557 --> 00:36:34,616
- It's just like... Right?
- Yeah.
595
00:36:34,725 --> 00:36:37,489
You was farting in bathtubs
and laughing your ass off.
596
00:36:37,595 --> 00:36:40,063
Yeah. I mean, it was really quite a...
It was crazy.
597
00:36:40,164 --> 00:36:43,656
It's like working with mercury.
It's high science, man. It's an art form.
598
00:36:43,768 --> 00:36:45,793
- Yeah.
- You an artist.
599
00:36:45,903 --> 00:36:47,700
- That's what we do, right? Yeah.
- Yeah.
600
00:36:47,805 --> 00:36:49,067
Hats off for going there,
601
00:36:49,173 --> 00:36:51,903
especially knowing how
the Academy is about that shit.
602
00:36:55,613 --> 00:36:59,140
- About what?
- You're serious? You don't know?
603
00:37:01,352 --> 00:37:03,377
Everybody knows
you never go full retard.
604
00:37:04,922 --> 00:37:07,015
- What do you mean?
- Check it out.
605
00:37:07,158 --> 00:37:11,254
Dustin Hoffman, Rain Man, looked
retarded, act retarded, not retarded.
606
00:37:11,362 --> 00:37:15,458
Count toothpicks, cheat at cards.
Autistic, sure. Not retarded.
607
00:37:16,334 --> 00:37:18,199
Then you got Tom Hanks,
Forrest Gump.
608
00:37:18,302 --> 00:37:20,600
Slow, yes, retarded, maybe,
braces on his legs.
609
00:37:20,705 --> 00:37:23,606
But he charmed the pants off Nixon,
and he won a Ping-Pong competition.
610
00:37:23,708 --> 00:37:24,902
That ain't retarded.
611
00:37:26,010 --> 00:37:29,002
Peter Sellers, Being There.
Infantile, yes. Retarded, no.
612
00:37:30,748 --> 00:37:32,739
You went full retard, man.
613
00:37:34,085 --> 00:37:35,450
Never go full retard.
614
00:37:36,454 --> 00:37:40,015
You don't buy that?
Ask Sean Penn, 2001, I Am Sam.
615
00:37:40,124 --> 00:37:43,423
Remember? Went full retard?
Went home empty-handed.
616
00:37:53,271 --> 00:37:56,468
Oh, my God! Holy shit!
617
00:37:57,141 --> 00:37:59,837
Good job, turd. You killed the director.
618
00:37:59,944 --> 00:38:01,206
No, that's impossible, man.
619
00:38:01,312 --> 00:38:04,179
I rigged the whole tree line,
and this is here.
620
00:38:04,315 --> 00:38:05,839
- He must have missed his mark.
- Missed his mark?
621
00:38:05,950 --> 00:38:07,178
Yeah, this isn't me.
622
00:38:07,285 --> 00:38:10,083
Come on, let's bag and tag the bastard
and get back to the hotel.
623
00:38:10,187 --> 00:38:12,883
- You're in a world of hurt, dumbo!
- We're in a world of hurt!
624
00:38:12,990 --> 00:38:15,185
- You're in trouble.
- This isn't just on me!
625
00:38:15,293 --> 00:38:17,523
- We're in a... We're together on this.
- Bullshit.
626
00:38:17,628 --> 00:38:19,095
You're just gonna run away.
You're gonna leave.
627
00:38:19,196 --> 00:38:20,857
What happened to,
"No man left behind," okay?
628
00:38:20,965 --> 00:38:23,229
Just wait, just wait! Listen!
Listen, okay?
629
00:38:23,334 --> 00:38:26,064
- I don't wanna hear it.
- Let me just be real with you, all right?
630
00:38:26,170 --> 00:38:29,469
I almost blinded Jamie Lee Curtis
on Freaky Friday, okay?
631
00:38:29,573 --> 00:38:30,904
This shit will fucking ruin me!
632
00:38:31,008 --> 00:38:32,908
- Just get off me! You're pathetic.
- No, I'm not.
633
00:38:33,010 --> 00:38:35,478
- Get off me!
- You are not going back!
634
00:38:38,849 --> 00:38:40,783
- What the fuck?
- Now wait a minute.
635
00:38:58,569 --> 00:39:00,127
I fucking hate movies.
636
00:39:02,473 --> 00:39:05,306
This is bullshit.
I don't wanna be in this shitty movie.
637
00:39:15,152 --> 00:39:17,916
No! That's my jellybeans! No!
638
00:39:18,022 --> 00:39:22,686
Kid, grab the bat! Please! Shit!
639
00:39:22,793 --> 00:39:26,058
- Yo, man, I got a Bust-A-Nut.
- You go to hell! There he is.
640
00:39:29,500 --> 00:39:32,435
God damn it! Okay. Where'd he go?
641
00:39:33,404 --> 00:39:35,702
You little piece of shit!
I'm gonna fucking rip your wings off!
642
00:39:37,808 --> 00:39:40,834
Sanducci. Hold up, man,
keep it on the down-low.
643
00:39:42,246 --> 00:39:44,476
I don't really gotta piss.
I'm trying to talk at you, man.
644
00:39:44,582 --> 00:39:46,209
Bait, I need bait.
645
00:39:47,351 --> 00:39:51,048
You went to boot camp, right?
You can read a map?
646
00:39:51,155 --> 00:39:52,383
Yeah, I think so.
647
00:39:52,490 --> 00:39:55,186
I know Speedman
got everyone convinced we out here
648
00:39:55,292 --> 00:39:59,092
making Planet of the Apes on YouTube
or some shit, but I don't buy it.
649
00:39:59,196 --> 00:40:01,664
You wanna step on a real landmine?
You wanna die?
650
00:40:02,466 --> 00:40:04,161
You wanna get shot
by a real motherfucker?
651
00:40:04,268 --> 00:40:07,431
- Keep looking ahead, man.
- No, of course not.
652
00:40:07,538 --> 00:40:11,099
If I can put that map in your hands,
can I count you in?
653
00:40:11,208 --> 00:40:14,735
- Well, yeah, I guess you can.
- Dynamite. I'm out.
654
00:40:18,416 --> 00:40:20,850
That smelled just like bologna
for some reason.
655
00:40:20,951 --> 00:40:23,476
Is anyone gonna fucking help me
get this fucking thing?
656
00:40:24,188 --> 00:40:26,748
Why are they even out in the daytime?
657
00:40:28,959 --> 00:40:33,396
I'm gonna level with you, bro.
I don't need to pee. I need to talk to you.
658
00:40:39,637 --> 00:40:43,403
Lazarus is gonna torpedo the movie.
659
00:40:45,609 --> 00:40:47,338
He's way out on a limb
with this character,
660
00:40:47,445 --> 00:40:49,276
and I think he's getting cold feet.
661
00:40:50,714 --> 00:40:54,172
- I need you on my side, Kyle.
- It's Kevin.
662
00:40:54,285 --> 00:40:56,446
Good. Can I count on you?
663
00:40:57,621 --> 00:41:01,492
Yeah. If you want
I could give the map a look-see.
664
00:41:01,559 --> 00:41:03,720
- I'll handle the map.
- Okay.
665
00:41:03,828 --> 00:41:07,059
You stick with the program,
we get this movie in the can,
666
00:41:07,164 --> 00:41:10,861
I'm thinking there could be
a Teen Choice Award in it for you.
667
00:41:10,968 --> 00:41:15,166
You have that potential.
They'll slime you, the whole deal.
668
00:41:15,272 --> 00:41:18,901
- Yeah, that's wicked.
- Good.
669
00:41:24,815 --> 00:41:26,908
There it is! Yeah, now you're dead!
670
00:41:28,085 --> 00:41:29,313
You O.D.'d!
671
00:41:30,888 --> 00:41:32,219
Hold up now, Jeff.
672
00:41:34,625 --> 00:41:36,024
Fucking hell!
673
00:41:37,661 --> 00:41:40,721
What the hell, Jeff? That's a bat, man!
674
00:41:40,831 --> 00:41:43,299
I don't have any more jellybeans.
675
00:41:49,907 --> 00:41:51,704
You land there!
676
00:42:06,624 --> 00:42:09,024
Wow. Look at these ruins.
677
00:42:11,195 --> 00:42:15,632
- Where the hell are we?
- D'ang Kwook River.
678
00:42:15,733 --> 00:42:18,099
That so? How do you know that?
How you sure?
679
00:42:18,202 --> 00:42:20,397
Only one way to find out, dude. Let's go.
680
00:42:20,504 --> 00:42:25,601
Yeah. I'm not feeling so good right now.
Seriously, my skin hurts!
681
00:42:25,709 --> 00:42:28,143
Enough from the peanut gallery!
Into the water, ladies!
682
00:42:28,245 --> 00:42:30,372
No, man. Let me take a look at that map
right quick.
683
00:42:30,481 --> 00:42:32,073
Why is everybody
all obsessed with the map?
684
00:42:32,182 --> 00:42:34,207
'Cause we're tired
of being your trail donkeys!
685
00:42:34,318 --> 00:42:36,718
Acting like you some one-man GPS!
686
00:42:36,820 --> 00:42:40,688
God damn it! We lost!
We fucking super lost, man!
687
00:42:40,791 --> 00:42:42,918
Tell him, McClusky.
Tell him what time it is.
688
00:42:43,027 --> 00:42:44,585
I don't believe you people.
689
00:42:46,330 --> 00:42:48,025
What do you mean "you people"?
690
00:42:50,701 --> 00:42:53,295
What do you mean, "you people"?
691
00:42:53,404 --> 00:42:55,395
I think what Tugg means is...
692
00:42:55,506 --> 00:42:56,871
No, look at his eyes, man.
693
00:42:56,974 --> 00:42:59,670
...you people, you actors. You people...
- Look at them beady, white devil eyes.
694
00:42:59,777 --> 00:43:01,335
I gotta get back to the hotel, for real!
695
00:43:01,445 --> 00:43:03,413
- Hell, no!
- Silence!
696
00:43:04,448 --> 00:43:07,110
Chill! All right? Just chill it.
697
00:43:08,619 --> 00:43:11,816
Now, let's go get those Viet Congs.
698
00:43:12,656 --> 00:43:14,214
- "Viet Cong"!
- What?
699
00:43:14,725 --> 00:43:17,751
It's "Viet Cong." There's no "S."
It's already plural.
700
00:43:17,861 --> 00:43:19,453
You wouldn't say "Chineses."
701
00:43:20,831 --> 00:43:23,265
All right, that's enough
of this insubordination!
702
00:43:23,367 --> 00:43:26,165
If the machine breaks down,
we break down.
703
00:43:26,270 --> 00:43:28,795
Hey, man, you know how in Rambo I,
he was big but a little puffy
704
00:43:28,906 --> 00:43:30,498
and then Rambo II,
he got all shredded up?
705
00:43:30,608 --> 00:43:33,475
- Yeah.
- That's kind of how you look right now.
706
00:43:33,577 --> 00:43:35,135
- Yeah?
- Not Rambo I but II.
707
00:43:35,245 --> 00:43:36,974
- Really?
- Yeah, when he was cut up.
708
00:43:37,081 --> 00:43:39,447
I'm not that... I mean,
that's what I'm going for, but you know...
709
00:43:39,550 --> 00:43:42,246
Come on, dude. You more shredded
than a julienne salad, man.
710
00:43:42,353 --> 00:43:43,843
- Thanks.
- What's the secret, dude?
711
00:43:43,954 --> 00:43:45,319
- It's a diet. I'm just dieting.
- Really?
712
00:43:45,422 --> 00:43:48,414
'Cause I'm trying to come up a little,
but it's just... It's tough.
713
00:43:48,525 --> 00:43:50,015
- You look good.
- Any tips?
714
00:43:50,127 --> 00:43:51,822
- What?
- Any tips, you got?
715
00:43:51,929 --> 00:43:53,055
There's, like, the pineapple...
716
00:43:53,163 --> 00:43:55,461
- Give me that goddamn map! Fuck you!
- Hey!
717
00:43:55,566 --> 00:43:57,158
- Hey!
- All right, now!
718
00:43:57,267 --> 00:43:59,701
What it is, Sikorski?
Tell us where we really at.
719
00:43:59,803 --> 00:44:01,794
That's fucking bullshit!
It's a chump move.
720
00:44:01,905 --> 00:44:03,839
We just getting a second opinion, doc.
721
00:44:05,676 --> 00:44:06,938
We're going the wrong way!
722
00:44:07,044 --> 00:44:08,136
- Damn!
- Son of a bitch.
723
00:44:08,245 --> 00:44:12,705
God! I think we were
supposed to be doing this,
724
00:44:12,816 --> 00:44:15,717
and instead we did this.
725
00:44:15,819 --> 00:44:19,448
Shit, shit, shit, shitty shit, shit!
726
00:44:19,556 --> 00:44:22,081
Think you can get us back
to that drop zone, boy?
727
00:44:23,027 --> 00:44:24,426
This is not cool!
728
00:44:27,131 --> 00:44:28,257
Maybe.
729
00:44:29,700 --> 00:44:31,190
This is insane!
730
00:44:32,469 --> 00:44:34,801
Are you really going
to abandon this movie?
731
00:44:35,606 --> 00:44:37,801
We're supposed to be a unit!
732
00:44:37,908 --> 00:44:39,432
Suck my unit!
733
00:44:40,310 --> 00:44:42,107
All right, fine.
734
00:44:42,212 --> 00:44:47,115
- I'll finish it by myself.
- You go be all you can be, man.
735
00:44:47,217 --> 00:44:49,208
Tugg, you have no idea
where you're going!
736
00:44:49,319 --> 00:44:51,116
Yes, I do!
737
00:44:51,221 --> 00:44:55,749
I'm going to, "Exterior, rain forest, dusk.
738
00:44:55,859 --> 00:45:00,319
"Smash cut to Four Leaf, who treks
alone through a frightening jungle."
739
00:45:00,431 --> 00:45:02,365
Suck on that unit, Kirk!
740
00:45:15,946 --> 00:45:18,938
Come on, men. Let's get home.
741
00:45:57,121 --> 00:46:01,785
Hello, Mr. Mantis. You're beautiful.
742
00:46:04,061 --> 00:46:05,995
Now, if you recall that whole hullabaloo
743
00:46:06,096 --> 00:46:07,825
where Hollywood
was split into schisms,
744
00:46:07,931 --> 00:46:11,332
some studios backing Blu-ray Disc,
others backing HD DVD.
745
00:46:11,435 --> 00:46:12,527
People thought it would come down to
746
00:46:12,636 --> 00:46:14,900
pixel rate or refresh rate,
and they're pretty much the same.
747
00:46:15,005 --> 00:46:18,805
What it came down to was
a combination of gamers and porn.
748
00:46:18,909 --> 00:46:20,638
Now, whichever format porno backs
749
00:46:20,744 --> 00:46:24,578
is usually the one
that becomes the most successful.
750
00:46:24,681 --> 00:46:27,673
But, you know, Sony,
every PlayStation 3 has a Blu-ray in it.
751
00:46:27,785 --> 00:46:29,514
You talking to me this whole time?
752
00:46:30,254 --> 00:46:31,551
I was talking to whoever
was listening to me.
753
00:46:31,655 --> 00:46:33,122
Jesus Christ, man!
754
00:46:51,542 --> 00:46:53,601
Booty Sweat.
755
00:46:59,650 --> 00:47:01,049
Oh, God!
756
00:47:03,287 --> 00:47:07,849
It's cold! It's freezing. I'm fucking cold.
757
00:47:07,958 --> 00:47:10,152
You want my flak jacket?
758
00:47:10,260 --> 00:47:14,128
What, are you insane? It's boiling!
It's like a sweat lodge out here!
759
00:47:14,231 --> 00:47:17,064
Keep the volume down on that bitching,
Flatch Adams.
760
00:47:17,167 --> 00:47:19,067
I gotta take a fucking 12-pound shit!
761
00:47:19,169 --> 00:47:21,137
- How we doing? We making good time?
- We're making good time,
762
00:47:21,238 --> 00:47:24,366
but there's no way we make it
over that ridge before sundown.
763
00:47:24,474 --> 00:47:26,965
All right, fellas,
we're gonna make camp, rest up!
764
00:47:27,077 --> 00:47:29,375
- Oh, God.
- Y'all might be in for a treat.
765
00:47:29,479 --> 00:47:30,878
You know,
back before the war broked out,
766
00:47:30,981 --> 00:47:33,711
I was a saucier in San Antone.
767
00:47:33,817 --> 00:47:36,445
I bet I could collar up
some of them greens.
768
00:47:36,553 --> 00:47:40,853
Yeah, noodle some crawfish
out the paddy, yo.
769
00:47:40,958 --> 00:47:44,985
And maybe some crab apples
for dessert, now, you hear? Hell, yeah!
770
00:47:46,330 --> 00:47:47,592
Hell, yeah!
771
00:47:47,698 --> 00:47:51,896
That's how we all talk.
We all talk like this, suh! Yes, suh.
772
00:47:52,002 --> 00:47:57,235
Yeah, get some crawfish and some ribs.
773
00:47:57,341 --> 00:48:02,210
You're Australian! Be Australian!
Excuse me, Kangaroo Jack.
774
00:48:06,450 --> 00:48:08,850
I get excited about my foods, man.
775
00:49:34,805 --> 00:49:37,069
Die!
776
00:49:50,821 --> 00:49:52,914
No!
777
00:49:59,463 --> 00:50:03,763
Dude, dude, what the hell
is going on here? Where are we?
778
00:50:03,867 --> 00:50:06,267
I have no idea.
779
00:50:06,370 --> 00:50:08,930
I've never been outside the States.
780
00:50:09,039 --> 00:50:11,200
Wait, what?
Are you fucking kidding me?
781
00:50:11,308 --> 00:50:13,299
Did you make this
whole goddamn thing up?
782
00:50:13,410 --> 00:50:14,775
Dude, were you
even in the fucking service?
783
00:50:14,878 --> 00:50:17,540
Yes. Of course. Coast Guard.
784
00:50:17,647 --> 00:50:19,547
- Coast Guard.
- Sanitation Department.
785
00:50:19,649 --> 00:50:22,345
Oh, my God!
You're a fucking garbage man!
786
00:50:22,452 --> 00:50:26,183
Damn it. F.L. Tayback lies to me
and the whole goddamn U.S. of A.
787
00:50:26,289 --> 00:50:28,951
I wrote the book as a tribute!
I'm a patriot!
788
00:50:29,059 --> 00:50:31,118
Yeah, you're the Milli Vanilli
of patriots, okay?
789
00:50:31,228 --> 00:50:32,923
You lied
about fighting the Vietnam War.
790
00:50:33,030 --> 00:50:36,295
It's like punching the American flag
in the face, God damn it.
791
00:50:36,400 --> 00:50:37,833
God, and to think I believed in you!
792
00:50:37,934 --> 00:50:40,300
- I don't wanna be next to you.
- Writers lie all the time.
793
00:50:40,404 --> 00:50:42,531
Can I be tied to another post? Okay.
794
00:51:04,161 --> 00:51:05,992
- Rick?
- Tugg.
795
00:51:06,096 --> 00:51:08,155
I killed one, Rick.
796
00:51:09,299 --> 00:51:11,699
The thing I love most in the world.
797
00:51:11,802 --> 00:51:13,633
Vivica, get off the line now!
798
00:51:15,939 --> 00:51:18,339
A hooker. All right, you killed a hooker.
799
00:51:18,442 --> 00:51:20,501
Calm down.
Here's what you're gonna do.
800
00:51:20,610 --> 00:51:21,770
Get your hands on some bleach,
801
00:51:21,878 --> 00:51:24,244
some hydrogen peroxide
and a shitload of lime.
802
00:51:24,347 --> 00:51:25,837
No, a panda.
803
00:51:25,949 --> 00:51:27,712
I killed a panda.
804
00:51:27,818 --> 00:51:29,615
Amanda? Come on, dude.
805
00:51:29,719 --> 00:51:31,744
I mean,
that's probably not even her real name.
806
00:51:31,855 --> 00:51:33,516
No, a panda!
807
00:51:33,623 --> 00:51:34,988
A panda?
808
00:51:35,092 --> 00:51:37,686
A sweet, cuddly,
809
00:51:37,794 --> 00:51:39,728
vicious little panda.
810
00:51:39,863 --> 00:51:42,798
Jesus Christ, Tugg!
Man, don't scare me like that!
811
00:51:42,899 --> 00:51:44,059
It's beautiful here.
812
00:51:44,167 --> 00:51:45,657
You on the set?
813
00:51:45,769 --> 00:51:47,031
I am the set.
814
00:51:47,137 --> 00:51:50,106
All right, man.
Hey, how's the TiVo working out?
815
00:51:50,207 --> 00:51:51,435
Screw TiVo.
816
00:51:51,541 --> 00:51:54,009
I'm way beyond TiVo.
817
00:51:54,111 --> 00:51:56,204
Last I checked,
they hadn't hooked it up, though.
818
00:51:56,313 --> 00:51:59,612
Hadn't hooked it up? No TiVo?
819
00:51:59,716 --> 00:52:01,547
It doesn't matter anymore.
820
00:52:04,387 --> 00:52:05,854
I've moved on.
821
00:52:06,590 --> 00:52:08,319
Where have you moved on to?
822
00:52:08,425 --> 00:52:09,585
Another agency?
823
00:52:11,361 --> 00:52:12,589
Hey, who is with you?
824
00:52:12,696 --> 00:52:16,792
You are still my client, Tugg Speedman!
I am getting the TiVo!
825
00:52:16,900 --> 00:52:19,095
Jacket's on, I'm out the door!
826
00:52:19,202 --> 00:52:20,260
Tugg?
827
00:52:22,873 --> 00:52:23,862
Please don't fire me.
828
00:52:27,408 --> 00:52:30,309
Oh, mama. Thirsty.
829
00:52:30,444 --> 00:52:32,503
He doesn't look too good.
830
00:52:32,613 --> 00:52:37,641
Must drink,
so I can throw something up!
831
00:52:37,751 --> 00:52:39,878
No, no. Don't drink that water!
That water's like a petri dish!
832
00:52:39,987 --> 00:52:41,079
No, don't!
833
00:52:41,188 --> 00:52:43,713
Alpa, do you have any Booty Sweat?
834
00:52:43,824 --> 00:52:46,190
Yeah, get him chugging on
some of Alpa's ass water.
835
00:52:46,293 --> 00:52:48,227
That'll bring him around. It's a cure-all.
836
00:52:48,329 --> 00:52:50,229
Man, what you coming out
in movies for anyway?
837
00:52:50,331 --> 00:52:51,992
Did you need another revenue stream?
838
00:52:52,099 --> 00:52:54,897
For your information,
my revenue stream
839
00:52:55,002 --> 00:52:57,334
currently generates $2 million a year
840
00:52:57,438 --> 00:52:59,372
in charitable contributions
for my community.
841
00:52:59,473 --> 00:53:01,805
- Hot damn.
- And why am I in this movie?
842
00:53:01,909 --> 00:53:04,241
Maybe I just knew I had to represent,
843
00:53:04,345 --> 00:53:06,142
because they had one good part
in it for a black man
844
00:53:06,246 --> 00:53:08,305
and they gave it to Crocodile Dundee.
845
00:53:09,917 --> 00:53:13,478
Pump your brakes, kid.
That man is a national treasure.
846
00:53:13,587 --> 00:53:15,714
I just wanted to throw another shrimp
on your barbie.
847
00:53:15,823 --> 00:53:16,949
That shit ain't funny.
848
00:53:17,057 --> 00:53:19,753
Hey, fellas! It's hot!
We're tired! It stinks!
849
00:53:19,860 --> 00:53:21,418
I'm just fucking with you,
Kangaroo Jack!
850
00:53:21,528 --> 00:53:23,257
I'm sorry a dingo ate your baby.
851
00:53:23,364 --> 00:53:25,832
You know that's a true story?
Lady lost her kid.
852
00:53:25,933 --> 00:53:28,595
- You about to cross some fucking lines.
- Guys, relax and stuff.
853
00:53:28,702 --> 00:53:29,760
You know what? Fuck that, man!
854
00:53:29,870 --> 00:53:32,532
I'm sick of this koala-hugging nigger
telling me...
855
00:53:37,277 --> 00:53:38,835
For 400 years,
856
00:53:39,880 --> 00:53:42,781
that word has kept us down.
857
00:53:43,851 --> 00:53:45,478
What the fuck?
858
00:53:45,586 --> 00:53:49,352
It took a whole lot of trying
just to get up that hill.
859
00:53:49,456 --> 00:53:52,357
Now we up in the big leagues,
860
00:53:52,459 --> 00:53:54,222
getting our turn at bat.
861
00:53:54,328 --> 00:53:56,990
Long as we live, it's you and me, baby.
862
00:53:57,665 --> 00:54:00,998
That's the theme song for
The Jeffersons. You really need help.
863
00:54:01,101 --> 00:54:04,229
Yeah. Just 'cause it's the theme song,
don't make it not true.
864
00:54:04,338 --> 00:54:06,272
You know what?
I'm gonna tell you what's true.
865
00:54:06,373 --> 00:54:09,809
I'm gonna tag you back.
You better believe that, baby.
866
00:54:09,910 --> 00:54:12,504
Guys! Hey, guys!
867
00:54:13,113 --> 00:54:15,581
Jeff, stay away from that animal.
868
00:54:17,951 --> 00:54:20,784
I'm gonna bite his hide. I need...
869
00:54:21,822 --> 00:54:25,087
I need to wear his stomach skin
like a unitard.
870
00:54:26,060 --> 00:54:29,359
Ain't nobody doing nothing
to no one or body!
871
00:54:29,463 --> 00:54:34,332
Now, if Mr. Portnoy is feeling
a little flu-ish, don't wanna walk,
872
00:54:34,435 --> 00:54:36,494
put him up on that cloven-hoof animal!
873
00:54:37,871 --> 00:54:39,168
We got ground to cover!
874
00:55:08,168 --> 00:55:11,433
All right, POW camp, scene 67.
875
00:55:12,339 --> 00:55:14,068
Bring it on, Cockburn!
876
00:55:21,181 --> 00:55:24,981
My body may be shackled,
but my mind wanders free.
877
00:55:29,757 --> 00:55:30,917
Wait, wait, wait,
let me do the line again.
878
00:55:31,024 --> 00:55:32,116
Let me do the line again.
879
00:55:32,226 --> 00:55:36,322
My body may be shackled,
but my mind wanders free.
880
00:55:43,537 --> 00:55:44,868
Good, again. Again.
881
00:55:50,677 --> 00:55:53,237
Good, good.
Now let's do the torture scene.
882
00:55:53,347 --> 00:55:55,144
I see moss on both sides of that tree.
883
00:55:55,249 --> 00:55:58,377
Well, you know, maybe if I wasn't
the only one at boot camp...
884
00:55:58,485 --> 00:56:00,385
My belly really hurts, you guys!
885
00:56:00,487 --> 00:56:02,682
I'm not joking around, I'm nauseous.
886
00:56:02,790 --> 00:56:05,020
Let me off, I gotta puke!
I don't wanna die like Hendrix!
887
00:56:05,125 --> 00:56:06,786
All right. All right.
888
00:56:11,365 --> 00:56:13,356
Are you okay, Jeff?
889
00:56:13,467 --> 00:56:14,832
I'm awesome.
890
00:56:17,237 --> 00:56:18,704
Holy shit!
891
00:56:23,243 --> 00:56:25,404
Okay. Everyone, down, down, down.
892
00:56:30,117 --> 00:56:31,607
Man. Now I'm tripping.
893
00:56:31,718 --> 00:56:34,346
That looks like the POW camp
from out the script, yo.
894
00:56:35,222 --> 00:56:36,917
Speedman was right?
895
00:56:37,024 --> 00:56:38,389
I don't think so.
896
00:56:38,492 --> 00:56:40,722
Look at the cooking vats,
the armed guards.
897
00:56:42,296 --> 00:56:44,389
Looks like a heroin processing plant.
898
00:56:45,499 --> 00:56:46,625
We were in that chopper for hours.
899
00:56:46,733 --> 00:56:48,997
I don't even think
we're in Vietnam anymore.
900
00:56:49,102 --> 00:56:51,536
- Fuck.
- Shit. We ain't even in 'Nam?
901
00:56:51,638 --> 00:56:54,402
No, most likely Myanmar or Laos.
902
00:56:54,508 --> 00:56:56,066
What the fuck is Laos?
903
00:56:56,176 --> 00:56:57,973
It's the Golden Triangle.
904
00:56:58,078 --> 00:56:59,636
The world's hard drug superhighway.
905
00:56:59,746 --> 00:57:01,043
And how do you know about that?
906
00:57:01,148 --> 00:57:03,878
It was a really long trip.
I read the in-flight magazine.
907
00:57:05,686 --> 00:57:06,983
Cut!
908
00:57:07,087 --> 00:57:08,554
Oh, Jesus!
909
00:57:08,655 --> 00:57:11,146
What do you see, man? I'm blocked.
910
00:57:11,258 --> 00:57:12,623
Damien, cut!
911
00:57:14,394 --> 00:57:15,986
Hey, Damien, cut!
912
00:57:16,830 --> 00:57:18,491
They got Speedman.
913
00:57:19,066 --> 00:57:20,499
And it doesn't look good.
914
00:57:53,166 --> 00:57:54,463
I am Tran.
915
00:57:55,435 --> 00:57:57,596
You are a trespasser
in my poppy fields.
916
00:57:59,006 --> 00:58:01,634
You are D.E.A. scum!
917
00:58:03,577 --> 00:58:07,013
Were there some re-writes
that I missed?
918
00:58:13,320 --> 00:58:14,810
Do you want to die?
919
00:58:15,589 --> 00:58:17,056
- Do you?
- No!
920
00:58:17,157 --> 00:58:21,287
Please, don't hurt me!
921
00:58:29,169 --> 00:58:30,363
Say that again.
922
00:58:31,371 --> 00:58:33,168
Please, don't hurt me.
923
00:58:33,273 --> 00:58:36,367
No! Like you did before! Say it!
924
00:58:37,344 --> 00:58:38,333
Say it!
925
00:58:38,445 --> 00:58:42,438
Please, don't hurt me!
926
00:58:58,065 --> 00:59:00,659
- What?
- You are Simple Jack.
927
00:59:03,637 --> 00:59:05,502
You saw Simple Jack?
928
00:59:05,605 --> 00:59:07,937
We love the tale of this man,
Simple Jack.
929
00:59:09,643 --> 00:59:11,474
We do not have many luxury here.
930
00:59:11,578 --> 00:59:14,012
And Simple Jack is the only movie
we possess.
931
00:59:14,114 --> 00:59:17,948
You got the VHS.
932
00:59:18,051 --> 00:59:20,110
We've watched it many, many times.
933
00:59:20,220 --> 00:59:22,688
You should've got Oscar.
934
00:59:25,726 --> 00:59:27,489
Well, you know. It's...
935
00:59:28,762 --> 00:59:30,024
Just to be nominated...
936
00:59:30,130 --> 00:59:31,358
You were nominated?
937
00:59:31,465 --> 00:59:32,989
No, no, no. I wasn't nominated.
938
00:59:33,100 --> 00:59:36,263
I'm just saying that to have been
nominated would have been nice.
939
00:59:36,370 --> 00:59:38,736
It's just... It's very political.
You have to take out ads...
940
00:59:38,839 --> 00:59:41,330
- Shut up now!
- Okay. Okay.
941
00:59:42,175 --> 00:59:43,904
So, are you going to
942
00:59:45,545 --> 00:59:47,172
let me go, or...
943
00:59:47,280 --> 00:59:49,407
No. We'll hold you for ransom.
944
00:59:49,516 --> 00:59:51,313
Much more money now!
945
01:00:02,896 --> 01:00:03,885
He's in a meeting.
946
01:00:03,997 --> 01:00:06,761
Yeah, I know.
In about two seconds with the Pecker.
947
01:00:07,801 --> 01:00:09,666
I'm gonna rip your fucking tits off.
948
01:00:09,770 --> 01:00:12,432
You wanna talk about trouble?
That's trouble.
949
01:00:12,539 --> 01:00:14,097
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
950
01:00:16,009 --> 01:00:17,909
What do you need, Peck?
951
01:00:18,011 --> 01:00:20,639
No, more like what do you need, Les?
952
01:00:20,747 --> 01:00:21,941
Glasses?
953
01:00:23,016 --> 01:00:24,074
What?
954
01:00:24,184 --> 01:00:26,675
So you can read
the Tropic Thunder contract
955
01:00:26,787 --> 01:00:29,187
that guarantees my client,
Tugg Speedman,
956
01:00:29,289 --> 01:00:33,020
some form of digital video recorder
on location.
957
01:00:33,794 --> 01:00:35,921
- Huh?
- I can't believe you let him in.
958
01:00:37,564 --> 01:00:40,397
Look, fuckstick, I'm incredibly busy,
so why don't you get the hell out of here
959
01:00:40,500 --> 01:00:43,560
before I snap your dick off
and jam it into your ass?
960
01:00:43,670 --> 01:00:45,695
No, not you, Helen.
961
01:00:45,806 --> 01:00:49,503
But I will rip your tits off
if you don't get me those theaters.
962
01:00:49,609 --> 01:00:51,133
Perfect.
963
01:00:51,244 --> 01:00:53,678
Hey, Tuggernuts,
I've got you on speakerphone.
964
01:00:53,780 --> 01:00:55,645
I'm standing here with Les Grossman,
965
01:00:55,749 --> 01:00:58,912
and he is dying to tell you
why he's apparently wiped his ass
966
01:00:59,019 --> 01:01:01,317
with the TiVo clause from your contract.
967
01:01:02,522 --> 01:01:04,513
We are Flaming Dragon.
968
01:01:04,624 --> 01:01:06,990
Speedman is with us now.
969
01:01:07,094 --> 01:01:10,655
For 50 million, you will get him back.
970
01:01:10,764 --> 01:01:12,925
- Are you gonna get those...
- Who is this?
971
01:01:13,033 --> 01:01:15,729
- And how did you get this phone?
- We are Flaming Dragon!
972
01:01:15,836 --> 01:01:17,736
Simple Jack belong to us now.
973
01:01:20,474 --> 01:01:22,499
He does, does he?
974
01:01:22,609 --> 01:01:25,077
Let me tell you something, shitbird.
975
01:01:25,178 --> 01:01:27,612
I've never even heard
of your little agency.
976
01:01:27,714 --> 01:01:29,682
But if you think
you can poach my client...
977
01:01:29,783 --> 01:01:34,311
Send $50 million, or you no see
Simple Jack again because we kill him.
978
01:01:34,421 --> 01:01:35,911
This is Les Grossman. Who is this?
979
01:01:36,022 --> 01:01:38,320
This is Flaming Dragon!
980
01:01:38,425 --> 01:01:41,189
Okay. Flaming Dragon. Fuckface.
981
01:01:41,294 --> 01:01:46,129
First, take a big step back
and literally fuck your own face!
982
01:01:47,501 --> 01:01:50,231
Now, I don't know what kind of
pan-Pacific bullshit power play
983
01:01:50,337 --> 01:01:52,805
you're trying to pull here,
but Asia, Jack, is my territory.
984
01:01:52,906 --> 01:01:54,203
So whatever you're thinking,
you better think again.
985
01:01:54,307 --> 01:01:55,672
Otherwise, I'm gonna
have to head down there,
986
01:01:55,775 --> 01:01:59,142
and I will rain down an ungodly
fucking firestorm upon you.
987
01:01:59,246 --> 01:02:00,873
You're gonna have to call
the fucking United Nations
988
01:02:00,981 --> 01:02:05,008
and get a fucking binding resolution
to keep me from fucking destroying you.
989
01:02:05,118 --> 01:02:07,712
I am talking scorched earth,
motherfucker!
990
01:02:07,821 --> 01:02:09,584
I will massacre you!
991
01:02:09,689 --> 01:02:11,623
I will fuck you up!
992
01:02:19,432 --> 01:02:21,161
- Could you find out who that was? Go.
- Yeah. Yeah.
993
01:02:56,603 --> 01:02:59,595
You wear these.
More like Simple Jack teeth.
994
01:02:59,706 --> 01:03:01,435
Okay.
995
01:03:01,541 --> 01:03:04,203
Hey. Look, I know you're a big fan,
and that's great...
996
01:03:07,280 --> 01:03:08,907
Put teeth in!
997
01:03:16,022 --> 01:03:17,887
Now do movie.
998
01:03:17,991 --> 01:03:19,652
The whole movie?
999
01:03:19,759 --> 01:03:21,420
I can't. I don't know the whole...
1000
01:03:21,528 --> 01:03:24,019
You perform! You perform or die!
1001
01:03:24,764 --> 01:03:26,254
Monkey swine!
1002
01:03:29,169 --> 01:03:30,568
Pa.
1003
01:03:32,539 --> 01:03:33,904
More stupid!
1004
01:03:35,675 --> 01:03:40,738
Pa, why you gotta make me feel bad?
1005
01:03:43,183 --> 01:03:44,514
You saw what I saw.
1006
01:03:44,618 --> 01:03:47,212
Tugg Speedman is dead meat
if we don't do something soon.
1007
01:03:47,320 --> 01:03:49,686
Yeah. We could do something
by getting our asses back to the hotel,
1008
01:03:49,789 --> 01:03:51,120
which is in the other direction!
1009
01:03:51,224 --> 01:03:52,816
Ain't right.
1010
01:03:52,926 --> 01:03:54,951
What would've happened
in The Great Escape
1011
01:03:55,061 --> 01:03:58,895
if Steve McQueen and them dudes
had turned tail and ran?
1012
01:03:58,999 --> 01:04:02,992
Well, that's what that movie was about.
They were escaping. They ran away.
1013
01:04:03,103 --> 01:04:05,731
I'm trying to agree with you.
The point is they did something.
1014
01:04:05,839 --> 01:04:07,033
Then what are we supposed to do, huh?
1015
01:04:07,140 --> 01:04:11,042
'Cause he's cleaning a gun
with no bullets. Yeah, that's a plan.
1016
01:04:11,144 --> 01:04:14,944
I'm just like a little boy,
playing with his dick when he's nervous.
1017
01:04:18,485 --> 01:04:20,976
Wait a minute. Wait a minute.
Wait a minute.
1018
01:04:21,087 --> 01:04:24,147
I got an idea.
This might be a little crazy.
1019
01:04:24,257 --> 01:04:26,225
Crazy's better than nothing.
1020
01:04:26,326 --> 01:04:30,285
Back in '98, I did a low-budget
titty comedy for Skinemax.
1021
01:04:30,397 --> 01:04:33,730
- Sex Camp. Remember it?
- Yeah.
1022
01:04:33,833 --> 01:04:37,792
Anyway, me and the campers
from the uncool camp
1023
01:04:37,904 --> 01:04:40,429
had to break into the rich girl camp.
1024
01:04:40,540 --> 01:04:42,235
So, what we did,
1025
01:04:42,342 --> 01:04:45,334
we built a catapult
out of logs and underwear,
1026
01:04:45,445 --> 01:04:49,006
and they shot us over the wall,
and we parachuted down.
1027
01:04:54,621 --> 01:04:55,986
Look,
1028
01:04:56,089 --> 01:04:59,388
- you guys, we already know the plan.
- Fine.
1029
01:04:59,492 --> 01:05:03,861
We do it just like in the book,
Chapter 26, the Wet Offensive.
1030
01:05:03,963 --> 01:05:06,363
The book of Tropic Thunder.
1031
01:05:06,466 --> 01:05:08,696
Yeah, did you guys read the book?
1032
01:05:10,003 --> 01:05:12,631
The flap, I read the back flap
and saw the pictures.
1033
01:05:13,406 --> 01:05:16,534
Well, it's okay.
It's exactly the same as in the script.
1034
01:05:16,643 --> 01:05:17,701
Cool.
1035
01:05:19,679 --> 01:05:22,239
You guys all read the script, right?
1036
01:05:22,349 --> 01:05:24,442
I don't read the script, script reads me.
1037
01:05:25,618 --> 01:05:27,085
What the hell does that even mean?
1038
01:05:27,187 --> 01:05:30,554
What you getting at with the books,
scripts? Spit that shit out, man!
1039
01:05:33,893 --> 01:05:35,724
All right. The Wet Offensive.
1040
01:05:36,763 --> 01:05:39,664
Osiris and Fats go undercover
as a diversion.
1041
01:05:39,766 --> 01:05:42,098
Motown and Brooklyn sneak in
via the river.
1042
01:05:42,202 --> 01:05:44,602
Yeah. But those dudes
was trained soldiers.
1043
01:05:46,473 --> 01:05:47,531
Yeah!
1044
01:05:48,608 --> 01:05:51,600
And we trained actors, motherfucker.
1045
01:05:51,711 --> 01:05:56,045
Time to man up.
And I ain't gonna sugarcoat.
1046
01:05:56,149 --> 01:05:58,913
Some of us
might not even make it back.
1047
01:05:59,018 --> 01:06:02,112
What do you mean?
Like not on the same flight?
1048
01:06:04,824 --> 01:06:07,588
Alpa and I's already wearing
earth mama's natural night camo.
1049
01:06:07,694 --> 01:06:09,525
- Cool it, Benson.
- Sorry.
1050
01:06:10,597 --> 01:06:15,125
We gonna scout, get a plan together.
We ain't back in 20, come looking.
1051
01:06:16,636 --> 01:06:18,501
We are Flaming Dragon.
1052
01:06:22,242 --> 01:06:23,436
Okay.
1053
01:06:24,744 --> 01:06:27,838
Flaming Dragon's
a heroin manufacturer.
1054
01:06:27,947 --> 01:06:31,041
They're responsible
for an eighth of the drug trade in Asia.
1055
01:06:31,151 --> 01:06:34,382
- Huge profit margin.
- Guys!
1056
01:06:34,487 --> 01:06:37,422
Would somebody please let me know
what the game plan is?
1057
01:06:37,524 --> 01:06:39,253
Peck! We have it handled.
1058
01:06:39,359 --> 01:06:41,850
Please, don't interrupt.
Everything's under control.
1059
01:06:41,961 --> 01:06:43,952
I got it. Got it.
1060
01:06:56,075 --> 01:06:58,305
- Les Grossman.
- We not get money yet.
1061
01:06:58,845 --> 01:07:00,972
Price now 100 million!
1062
01:07:01,080 --> 01:07:03,913
You pay now,
or tomorrow Simple Jack die.
1063
01:07:04,017 --> 01:07:07,077
Great. Let me get this down.
1064
01:07:07,187 --> 01:07:08,620
100 million.
1065
01:07:08,721 --> 01:07:11,189
Wait! I got a better idea.
1066
01:07:11,991 --> 01:07:13,822
Instead of 100 million,
1067
01:07:13,927 --> 01:07:16,788
how about I send you
a hobo's dick cheese?
1068
01:07:16,896 --> 01:07:19,194
Then you kill him! Do your thing!
Skin the fucking bastard!
1069
01:07:19,299 --> 01:07:21,494
Go to town, man! Go to town!
1070
01:07:21,601 --> 01:07:23,762
- No...
- In the meantime, and as usual,
1071
01:07:23,870 --> 01:07:25,531
go fuck yourself!
1072
01:07:26,639 --> 01:07:29,199
- No.
- We don't negotiate with terrorists.
1073
01:07:31,311 --> 01:07:34,041
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
Hey, hey, are you insane?
1074
01:07:34,147 --> 01:07:35,978
- I think I could've done that better.
- I thought it was good.
1075
01:07:36,082 --> 01:07:37,379
They're gonna kill him!
1076
01:07:43,256 --> 01:07:46,453
And we'll weep for him, in the press.
1077
01:07:47,360 --> 01:07:50,022
Set up a scholarship in his name.
1078
01:07:50,129 --> 01:07:54,065
Eventually, and I'm talking way,
way down the road,
1079
01:07:54,167 --> 01:07:55,657
we file an insurance claim.
1080
01:07:55,768 --> 01:07:58,566
Preferably before
the end of the fiscal year.
1081
01:07:58,671 --> 01:08:02,402
Actually, the claim alone would net us
more than the movie would lose.
1082
01:08:04,511 --> 01:08:06,274
You can't be serious.
1083
01:08:08,214 --> 01:08:09,909
Let's face it.
1084
01:08:10,016 --> 01:08:14,043
The kids aren't dressing up as Scorcher
for Purim anymore.
1085
01:08:15,455 --> 01:08:18,447
Speedman is a dying star,
1086
01:08:18,558 --> 01:08:21,789
a white dwarf heading for a black hole.
1087
01:08:21,895 --> 01:08:24,625
That's physics. It's inevitable.
1088
01:08:24,731 --> 01:08:28,064
We've been handed
an incredible opportunity here, Peck.
1089
01:08:28,167 --> 01:08:32,001
The universe is talking to us right now.
1090
01:08:32,105 --> 01:08:33,663
You just gotta listen.
1091
01:08:46,786 --> 01:08:50,381
See, this is the good part, Pecker.
This is when the job gets fun.
1092
01:08:50,490 --> 01:08:51,582
Yeah.
1093
01:08:51,691 --> 01:08:54,854
Ask and you shall receive.
1094
01:08:55,895 --> 01:09:00,025
- All right.
- You play ball, we play ball.
1095
01:09:00,133 --> 01:09:03,500
I know you want the goodies.
1096
01:09:03,603 --> 01:09:05,594
Welcome to the goody room.
1097
01:09:05,705 --> 01:09:10,335
You paying attention?
'Cause I'm talking G5 for the Pecker.
1098
01:09:10,443 --> 01:09:11,705
That's how you're gonna roll.
1099
01:09:11,811 --> 01:09:15,770
No more frequent flier
bitch miles for my boy.
1100
01:09:15,882 --> 01:09:17,179
Yeah!
1101
01:09:17,684 --> 01:09:18,946
Playa.
1102
01:09:19,819 --> 01:09:21,150
Playa!
1103
01:09:22,188 --> 01:09:23,485
Big dick playa.
1104
01:09:23,590 --> 01:09:25,581
Swinging past your knees!
1105
01:09:25,692 --> 01:09:26,716
Big dick, baby.
1106
01:09:26,826 --> 01:09:28,020
Yep.
1107
01:09:31,364 --> 01:09:33,958
Or you can grow a conscience
1108
01:09:34,067 --> 01:09:36,433
in the next five minutes
and see where that takes you.
1109
01:09:41,407 --> 01:09:43,500
Let me get this straight.
1110
01:09:43,610 --> 01:09:47,239
You want me
to let my client of 15 years,
1111
01:09:47,347 --> 01:09:48,712
one of my best friends,
1112
01:09:48,815 --> 01:09:53,445
die in the jungle, alone,
for some money and a G5?
1113
01:09:54,587 --> 01:09:55,713
Yes.
1114
01:10:00,793 --> 01:10:03,057
A G5 airplane?
1115
01:10:05,164 --> 01:10:06,222
Yes.
1116
01:10:07,300 --> 01:10:09,996
And lots of money.
1117
01:10:11,371 --> 01:10:13,532
Playa.
1118
01:10:16,442 --> 01:10:17,636
Yeah!
1119
01:10:18,878 --> 01:10:21,472
Smack it up, flip it, rub it down!
1120
01:10:24,050 --> 01:10:26,712
But Mama take care of Jack a lot.
1121
01:10:27,553 --> 01:10:31,284
How many more sleeps
before she wakes up again?
1122
01:10:31,391 --> 01:10:32,915
Sorry, Jack.
1123
01:10:33,026 --> 01:10:35,290
She in heaven now.
1124
01:10:36,062 --> 01:10:39,327
Damn! I thought the movie was bad.
1125
01:10:39,432 --> 01:10:42,560
She sleep forever.
1126
01:10:42,669 --> 01:10:45,797
To the man's credit, he's actually
eased up on the retard throttle.
1127
01:10:45,905 --> 01:10:49,500
And now that's added a balance,
and the audience can connect.
1128
01:10:49,609 --> 01:10:53,409
I mean, this is Theater 101,
but, you know, he's had a tough road.
1129
01:10:53,513 --> 01:10:54,639
He'll become a naturalist.
1130
01:10:54,747 --> 01:10:56,442
- Yeah.
- Break down the aesthetic distance,
1131
01:10:56,549 --> 01:10:58,278
then the...
1132
01:11:00,953 --> 01:11:02,580
Told you I'd tag you back.
1133
01:11:05,258 --> 01:11:07,522
Can I tell you that I'm sorry
1134
01:11:07,627 --> 01:11:09,925
for any offense I might've caused, man?
1135
01:11:10,029 --> 01:11:12,395
- I just got caught up in...
- In being a dumbass?
1136
01:11:12,498 --> 01:11:13,897
I guess so.
1137
01:11:14,000 --> 01:11:16,696
Why you still doing this
Chicken George shit, I have no idea.
1138
01:11:16,803 --> 01:11:18,100
- Neither do I.
- It's beyond me.
1139
01:11:18,204 --> 01:11:20,399
- It's beyond me.
- You confused.
1140
01:11:20,506 --> 01:11:22,440
- I am a little confused.
- I know.
1141
01:11:24,043 --> 01:11:25,840
But are we cool?
1142
01:11:25,945 --> 01:11:27,276
Not really.
1143
01:11:31,084 --> 01:11:32,676
Hey, man.
1144
01:11:32,785 --> 01:11:34,480
- How's it going?
- Good. Yourself?
1145
01:11:34,587 --> 01:11:36,612
Hey, so, if it's no big deal,
1146
01:11:36,723 --> 01:11:39,590
I think I'm just gonna hang back here
for the mission.
1147
01:11:39,692 --> 01:11:41,319
Watch the stuff.
1148
01:11:41,427 --> 01:11:43,452
- Is that cool?
- What? No!
1149
01:11:43,563 --> 01:11:45,463
We need you, Jeff.
1150
01:11:45,565 --> 01:11:47,157
What are you talking about?
1151
01:11:47,266 --> 01:11:48,824
Okay, look, man.
1152
01:11:50,069 --> 01:11:52,367
- I got something to tell you.
- Okay.
1153
01:11:54,607 --> 01:11:57,337
You know those jellybeans
I was eating?
1154
01:11:57,443 --> 01:12:00,537
Well, they weren't jellybeans, okay?
1155
01:12:01,447 --> 01:12:04,245
- They were drugs.
- Really?
1156
01:12:04,350 --> 01:12:08,719
I get down there near the mother lode,
I am done. I'm jonesing bad, man.
1157
01:12:08,821 --> 01:12:11,756
I'm gonna fucking do all the heroin
in the fucking world.
1158
01:12:15,061 --> 01:12:19,225
If you guys wanna make it through
this thing, you gotta strap me to a tree.
1159
01:12:20,600 --> 01:12:24,366
- Are you serious?
- Yeah, I'm serious. Literally, a tree.
1160
01:12:24,470 --> 01:12:27,337
And you can, no matter what, you can't
fucking untie me until it is done,
1161
01:12:27,440 --> 01:12:28,998
until it is out of my system.
1162
01:12:29,108 --> 01:12:30,735
I'm gonna say,
"Hey, man, I'm cool. It's cool.
1163
01:12:30,843 --> 01:12:32,401
"I'm finally better. I'm finally better.
Untie me."
1164
01:12:32,512 --> 01:12:35,709
Don't listen to me!
Anything I fucking say is a lie!
1165
01:12:35,815 --> 01:12:37,146
You got it!
1166
01:12:37,817 --> 01:12:39,876
Goodbye, Mama!
1167
01:12:39,986 --> 01:12:43,114
Now you can have ice cream in heaven.
1168
01:12:43,222 --> 01:12:48,182
I'll see you tonight, when I go to bed,
in my head movies.
1169
01:12:49,128 --> 01:12:53,724
But this head movie
makes my eyes rain.
1170
01:13:02,775 --> 01:13:06,006
Dang. Gilligan catching a kidney shot.
1171
01:13:07,880 --> 01:13:10,678
- They got him on the move!
- That's torture, man.
1172
01:13:10,817 --> 01:13:13,684
Okay. That's where they keeping him.
1173
01:13:13,786 --> 01:13:15,981
I gotta get cracking on my costume.
1174
01:13:16,088 --> 01:13:17,487
Say, are you good
with a needle and thread?
1175
01:13:17,590 --> 01:13:18,614
Hell, yeah.
1176
01:13:18,724 --> 01:13:22,057
Alpa Chino chinos sold more than
five million pairs last spring at the Gap.
1177
01:13:22,161 --> 01:13:24,857
- I sewed them patterns myself, baby.
- Let's roll out.
1178
01:13:56,863 --> 01:13:59,093
It's a little twig man Oscar.
1179
01:14:05,705 --> 01:14:08,105
I'm going to call you Half Squat.
1180
01:14:09,809 --> 01:14:11,777
And you can call me
1181
01:14:12,845 --> 01:14:14,142
Papa.
1182
01:14:37,637 --> 01:14:39,366
Wow, look at all those stars.
1183
01:14:41,340 --> 01:14:43,308
Really makes a guy feel pretty small.
1184
01:14:44,844 --> 01:14:47,405
This could be the last time
we look at these stars.
1185
01:14:48,381 --> 01:14:49,848
Man, that's beauty.
1186
01:14:51,784 --> 01:14:54,844
Nights like tonight
make a man wonder what it's all about.
1187
01:14:54,954 --> 01:14:57,252
Hey, you guys.
Anybody got some bug spray?
1188
01:14:59,091 --> 01:15:00,217
Don't ignore me!
1189
01:15:00,326 --> 01:15:03,193
Stick it out, man.
We're gonna get through this.
1190
01:15:04,330 --> 01:15:06,389
- Hey, Kirk?
- Yeah?
1191
01:15:06,499 --> 01:15:09,332
Are you still dating
Jennifer Love Hewitt?
1192
01:15:09,435 --> 01:15:10,834
'Cause I think she's hot.
1193
01:15:10,937 --> 01:15:14,304
No, that was just some
tabloid conjecture.
1194
01:15:14,407 --> 01:15:18,400
Hey, guys, I'm good. I made it through.
You can untie me now.
1195
01:15:19,478 --> 01:15:20,809
Funny, huh?
1196
01:15:20,913 --> 01:15:23,814
The circus life 280 days a year
on location.
1197
01:15:25,051 --> 01:15:27,952
It's hard to find a girl
that can hang with that, you know?
1198
01:15:29,755 --> 01:15:31,814
Not one worth keeping, nohow.
1199
01:15:31,924 --> 01:15:34,222
Hey, Radar? Evans?
1200
01:15:34,327 --> 01:15:35,385
No, it's Kevin.
1201
01:15:35,494 --> 01:15:37,223
Kev, whatever the fuck.
Come over here.
1202
01:15:37,330 --> 01:15:39,560
I didn't tell you, but Fatties: Fart Three
is coming down the pike,
1203
01:15:39,665 --> 01:15:43,157
and there's a role in there for you
if you come over and untie me.
1204
01:15:43,269 --> 01:15:45,829
Jeff, you're just going to
have to tough it out.
1205
01:15:45,938 --> 01:15:47,906
Your mother's a cankerous whore!
1206
01:15:48,007 --> 01:15:49,338
Jesus, man.
1207
01:15:50,376 --> 01:15:51,843
Hey, man.
1208
01:15:51,944 --> 01:15:54,845
Remember way back when I said
your mother was a cankerous whore?
1209
01:15:54,947 --> 01:15:58,348
I'm sorry, man.
I did not mean that. She's not.
1210
01:15:58,451 --> 01:16:00,146
How about you, man?
1211
01:16:00,286 --> 01:16:02,720
You got some little minx waiting for you
on the other side of tomorrow?
1212
01:16:02,822 --> 01:16:04,289
Me?
1213
01:16:04,390 --> 01:16:07,154
I've barely even had a girlfriend, and...
1214
01:16:07,994 --> 01:16:11,657
I was really hoping I'd get laid
when this movie came out,
1215
01:16:11,764 --> 01:16:14,164
but that's not gonna happen.
1216
01:16:15,034 --> 01:16:16,501
What about you, Masterblaster?
1217
01:16:16,602 --> 01:16:19,230
You got a certain someone you trying
to get with back in the States?
1218
01:16:19,338 --> 01:16:24,071
What, Alpa Chino?
He's like 10 girls deep, 24/7.
1219
01:16:24,176 --> 01:16:25,404
No. You missing me, man.
1220
01:16:25,511 --> 01:16:27,308
I'm talking about something special.
Big difference.
1221
01:16:27,413 --> 01:16:28,607
How about it?
1222
01:16:29,382 --> 01:16:30,508
Yeah.
1223
01:16:31,917 --> 01:16:33,885
Yeah, there is.
1224
01:16:33,986 --> 01:16:37,319
Well? What's the skinny?
Y'all been on a date or what?
1225
01:16:37,423 --> 01:16:39,323
No. I mean...
1226
01:16:39,425 --> 01:16:44,260
I always wanted to, but I guess
I just never had the courage to ask.
1227
01:16:44,363 --> 01:16:46,058
It's... It's complicated.
1228
01:16:46,165 --> 01:16:48,599
No! It's simple as pie, man.
1229
01:16:48,701 --> 01:16:51,295
You plant your feet in the ground, you
look her square in the eyes, you say,
1230
01:16:51,404 --> 01:16:55,033
"Hey, baby, you and me's going
on a date." That's the end of story.
1231
01:16:55,141 --> 01:16:57,837
- What's her name?
- Lance.
1232
01:16:57,943 --> 01:16:59,706
"Listen here, Lance..."
1233
01:17:00,579 --> 01:17:04,379
Lance? What the fuck did I just hear?
Lance?
1234
01:17:04,483 --> 01:17:06,212
- Did you say "Lance"?
- No!
1235
01:17:06,318 --> 01:17:08,252
- That sounded like "Lance."
- No, I said "Nance."
1236
01:17:08,354 --> 01:17:10,515
- That's what I said, "Nance."
- It sounded like "Lance."
1237
01:17:10,623 --> 01:17:12,147
Look, I'm Alpa Chino, okay?
1238
01:17:12,258 --> 01:17:13,919
I love the pussy! All right?
1239
01:17:14,026 --> 01:17:15,926
Lay your ass back down
and look at the stars.
1240
01:17:16,062 --> 01:17:17,393
When you wrote I Love Tha Pussy
1241
01:17:17,496 --> 01:17:20,863
was you thinking of dangling your dice
on Lance's forehead?
1242
01:17:20,966 --> 01:17:23,332
Oh, hell, no! What? Come on. Look.
1243
01:17:23,436 --> 01:17:26,371
- Man, everyone's gay once in a while.
- I'm not gay!
1244
01:17:26,472 --> 01:17:27,496
This Hollywood.
1245
01:17:27,606 --> 01:17:28,664
How about we all get back to work?
1246
01:17:28,774 --> 01:17:30,435
- Okay. Cool.
- This is ridiculous!
1247
01:17:30,543 --> 01:17:33,444
We got a big day tomorrow.
Let's get focused.
1248
01:17:36,015 --> 01:17:40,850
Alpa, if you untie me,
I will literally suck your dick right now.
1249
01:17:40,953 --> 01:17:44,184
I told you, for the last time,
I love the pussy!
1250
01:17:45,558 --> 01:17:48,391
I'll cradle the balls, stroke the shaft,
1251
01:17:48,494 --> 01:17:51,588
work the pipe and swallow the gravy.
1252
01:17:51,697 --> 01:17:53,756
Get it over here, buddy. Let's do this.
1253
01:18:00,339 --> 01:18:01,397
Okay, so, what's the plan?
1254
01:18:01,507 --> 01:18:02,906
Are you gonna talk Vietnamese
to those dudes?
1255
01:18:03,008 --> 01:18:04,771
No. No. Mandarin Chinese.
1256
01:18:04,877 --> 01:18:06,572
Which, from what I can tell,
is what they speaking down there.
1257
01:18:06,679 --> 01:18:08,237
How the hell do you know Chinese?
1258
01:18:08,347 --> 01:18:11,805
Land of Silk and Money with Gong Li.
Second Globe, third Oscar.
1259
01:18:11,917 --> 01:18:15,876
Prepped for that one by working in
a Beijing textile factory for eight months.
1260
01:18:15,988 --> 01:18:17,922
That might be our ride.
1261
01:18:27,733 --> 01:18:28,961
The straps are too tight!
1262
01:18:29,068 --> 01:18:31,434
Shut your mouth and follow my lead.
1263
01:19:24,290 --> 01:19:25,484
Okay.
1264
01:19:27,693 --> 01:19:29,251
All right.
1265
01:19:29,361 --> 01:19:31,761
That looks like it could be
the munitions hut right there.
1266
01:19:31,864 --> 01:19:33,923
I'm gonna try to find Speedman
in the main building.
1267
01:19:53,419 --> 01:19:55,011
Get over here!
1268
01:19:56,388 --> 01:19:57,946
- What are you guys doing here?
- He has hands.
1269
01:19:58,057 --> 01:20:00,457
- He killed Damien.
- Bullshit!
1270
01:20:00,559 --> 01:20:03,050
- He blinded Jamie Lee Curtis.
- Almost!
1271
01:20:03,162 --> 01:20:06,359
What are you talking about?
Damien stepped on a old landmine.
1272
01:20:06,465 --> 01:20:08,023
Sweet. Thank God.
1273
01:20:08,133 --> 01:20:10,328
- We busting Speedman out.
- Speedman's here?
1274
01:20:19,812 --> 01:20:21,336
They got my boom boom up here.
1275
01:20:21,447 --> 01:20:24,041
I take it y'all are doing
the Wet Offensive from the book.
1276
01:20:24,149 --> 01:20:25,411
I can give y'all a diversion.
1277
01:20:25,517 --> 01:20:29,453
I got enough shit here to light this place
up like it's the Fourth of fucking July.
1278
01:21:10,929 --> 01:21:13,397
Yes, your farm.
1279
01:21:17,770 --> 01:21:20,170
Where is your farm,
1280
01:21:21,740 --> 01:21:23,207
American?
1281
01:21:26,045 --> 01:21:27,307
My farm?
1282
01:21:29,248 --> 01:21:30,510
Oh, shit.
1283
01:21:31,283 --> 01:21:34,480
Here's my motherfucking farm!
1284
01:21:34,586 --> 01:21:36,076
Yeah!
1285
01:21:41,026 --> 01:21:44,018
Yeah! Chicka-chickaw, baby!
1286
01:21:45,030 --> 01:21:46,224
Kwan-Lo!
1287
01:21:47,733 --> 01:21:49,633
I'm a lead farmer, motherfucker!
1288
01:21:50,135 --> 01:21:51,295
Yeah!
1289
01:21:52,871 --> 01:21:56,068
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
keep your head down!
1290
01:21:56,175 --> 01:21:58,439
Keep your head down on the ground!
1291
01:21:58,544 --> 01:22:00,705
Nobody move or I do the little big guy!
1292
01:22:00,813 --> 01:22:04,249
That's right,
we running this program now, J.P.
1293
01:22:04,350 --> 01:22:06,978
Now show me where the drugs are.
1294
01:22:07,086 --> 01:22:08,883
What the fuck?
1295
01:22:08,987 --> 01:22:10,682
That ain't the plan!
1296
01:22:10,789 --> 01:22:12,484
Don't judge me!
1297
01:22:16,161 --> 01:22:17,924
He's got a real serious problem.
1298
01:22:18,731 --> 01:22:20,995
Hey! Hey, you!
1299
01:22:21,100 --> 01:22:23,295
Take off your clothes!
1300
01:22:23,402 --> 01:22:25,063
Take off your clothes!
1301
01:22:25,170 --> 01:22:26,467
What do we do now?
1302
01:22:26,572 --> 01:22:28,403
Stick with the plan. Find Speedman.
1303
01:22:28,507 --> 01:22:30,907
Alpa, keep this clown posse down.
Come on now.
1304
01:22:31,009 --> 01:22:34,376
Y'all heard the man.
Be suede, don't move!
1305
01:22:34,480 --> 01:22:36,380
Fuck your do-rag. Fuck your do-rag.
1306
01:22:36,482 --> 01:22:38,973
- Door!
- One, two, three!
1307
01:22:52,264 --> 01:22:54,095
I go high, you go low.
1308
01:22:58,470 --> 01:23:02,338
Get down. Get down! Get down!
Chow Yun-Fat, get the hell down!
1309
01:23:02,441 --> 01:23:05,740
If I see one more head pop up,
it's gonna be bullet Whac-A-Mole.
1310
01:23:07,312 --> 01:23:08,745
Come on, come on!
1311
01:23:08,847 --> 01:23:10,838
- Smoke grenade.
- Don't drop it now.
1312
01:23:11,517 --> 01:23:13,075
Here.
1313
01:23:13,185 --> 01:23:15,585
- What's this?
- I don't know what it's called.
1314
01:23:15,687 --> 01:23:18,281
I just know the sound it makes
when it lies.
1315
01:23:18,390 --> 01:23:21,917
Don't move, Matchbox,
or I will shoot you.
1316
01:23:22,027 --> 01:23:24,894
I'm gonna put on this thing. Don't move.
1317
01:23:24,997 --> 01:23:26,726
I can still see you.
1318
01:23:32,871 --> 01:23:33,963
Tugg!
1319
01:23:36,508 --> 01:23:37,668
Tugg?
1320
01:23:39,745 --> 01:23:40,939
Gotcha.
1321
01:23:42,114 --> 01:23:45,015
Roll your shit up, man. We going home.
1322
01:23:45,117 --> 01:23:46,243
Home?
1323
01:23:48,387 --> 01:23:52,221
But I'm doing five shows a day
for a standing-room-only crowd.
1324
01:23:52,324 --> 01:23:54,884
Don't you get it? I already am home.
1325
01:23:57,196 --> 01:24:00,324
All right, now, dude, you gotta get it...
1326
01:24:00,432 --> 01:24:02,627
My son gave this to me.
1327
01:24:02,734 --> 01:24:06,226
- That's your stick buddy?
- His name is Twigman.
1328
01:24:06,338 --> 01:24:08,169
Does he wanna come with us?
1329
01:24:28,427 --> 01:24:30,190
Get the hell down!
1330
01:24:30,295 --> 01:24:33,355
What you doing? What you doing?
Don't touch that gun.
1331
01:24:33,465 --> 01:24:34,864
Don't do it! Don't touch that gun!
1332
01:24:34,967 --> 01:24:37,265
On my momma, if you touch that gun...
1333
01:24:41,907 --> 01:24:44,307
- Oh, shit, it's on!
- Over here!
1334
01:25:15,641 --> 01:25:17,700
Shadow me, Pinocchio!
1335
01:25:17,809 --> 01:25:19,037
Smoke!
1336
01:25:24,883 --> 01:25:26,578
Oh, shit!
1337
01:25:31,423 --> 01:25:32,947
Jeff, don't!
1338
01:25:33,792 --> 01:25:35,783
It doesn't matter what I do.
1339
01:25:35,894 --> 01:25:38,863
I'll always be a screw-up.
No one'll ever respect me.
1340
01:25:38,964 --> 01:25:42,957
That is not true, you are not a screw-up!
You make so many people laugh.
1341
01:25:43,068 --> 01:25:45,298
They only laugh at my farts.
1342
01:25:45,404 --> 01:25:47,395
Jeff, we really need to go now!
1343
01:25:47,506 --> 01:25:49,098
This is all I deserve!
1344
01:26:09,261 --> 01:26:11,491
Laugh at that, you bastards!
1345
01:26:11,597 --> 01:26:14,998
Hilarious! Hilarious!
1346
01:26:16,535 --> 01:26:19,368
Let's move. We only have 16 hours
before they wake up.
1347
01:26:26,979 --> 01:26:28,571
Sounds like the dinner bell's ringing.
1348
01:26:28,680 --> 01:26:31,615
These assholes are gonna be crawling
in here ready to fucking eat us.
1349
01:26:34,553 --> 01:26:37,420
There. All right, you keep six right here.
1350
01:26:39,358 --> 01:26:41,519
Come on, let's go.
1351
01:26:41,627 --> 01:26:43,561
Come on, what are you guys doing?
Let's get out of here!
1352
01:26:43,662 --> 01:26:45,323
He's on tilt status.
1353
01:26:45,430 --> 01:26:49,389
Same thing happened to me when
I played Neil Armstrong in Moonshot.
1354
01:26:49,501 --> 01:26:51,594
They found me in an alley in Burbank
1355
01:26:51,703 --> 01:26:54,934
trying to re-enter the Earth's
atmosphere in an old refrigerator box.
1356
01:27:00,445 --> 01:27:02,675
Give me the flame thrower.
You gotta start the chopper.
1357
01:27:02,781 --> 01:27:06,217
- No, fuck that! Just give me this.
- No time! I'll take care of this!
1358
01:27:07,452 --> 01:27:09,352
All right. Give me your hooks.
1359
01:27:09,454 --> 01:27:11,081
Don't worry,
I'm not gonna put them on again.
1360
01:27:11,189 --> 01:27:14,022
- Just give me your goddamn hooks.
- All right. Here.
1361
01:27:14,126 --> 01:27:16,287
Get those boys back to the bird, pronto!
1362
01:27:21,233 --> 01:27:23,394
Shit! Enough!
1363
01:27:23,502 --> 01:27:25,402
Fake shit!
1364
01:27:28,507 --> 01:27:29,633
Fuck!
1365
01:27:37,349 --> 01:27:40,512
Go get your guys!
Get them to the chopper!
1366
01:27:40,619 --> 01:27:42,712
I'll take care of these yahoos!
1367
01:27:44,756 --> 01:27:47,020
You're gonna focus up now,
motherfucker, and say it.
1368
01:27:47,125 --> 01:27:49,252
- "It's me, Tugg!"
- It's me, Tugg.
1369
01:27:49,361 --> 01:27:50,828
That's right! Now, Tugg who?
1370
01:27:50,929 --> 01:27:53,727
- Tugg who? I don't know. Who are you?
- Me?
1371
01:27:53,832 --> 01:27:55,527
I know who I am!
1372
01:27:55,634 --> 01:27:59,365
I'm a dude playing a dude
disguised as another dude.
1373
01:27:59,471 --> 01:28:00,529
What?
1374
01:28:00,639 --> 01:28:02,732
You a dude
that don't know what dude he is!
1375
01:28:02,841 --> 01:28:05,537
Or are you a dude who has no idea
what dude he is
1376
01:28:05,644 --> 01:28:06,906
and claims to know what dude he is...
1377
01:28:07,012 --> 01:28:08,769
What the fuck
are you guys talking about?
1378
01:28:08,880 --> 01:28:09,972
...by playing other dudes?
1379
01:28:10,082 --> 01:28:11,276
I know what dude I am!
1380
01:28:11,383 --> 01:28:14,181
- You're scared.
- I ain't scared. Scared of what?
1381
01:28:14,286 --> 01:28:15,548
Or scared of who?
1382
01:28:15,654 --> 01:28:18,248
- Scared of who?
- Come on, guys. We really need to go!
1383
01:28:18,356 --> 01:28:19,618
Scared of you.
1384
01:28:24,529 --> 01:28:26,861
- Jesus.
- What's going on?
1385
01:28:26,965 --> 01:28:28,489
The dudes are emerging.
1386
01:28:28,600 --> 01:28:29,931
He's right, you know.
1387
01:28:31,703 --> 01:28:33,102
I am not
1388
01:28:34,673 --> 01:28:36,368
Sergeant Lincoln Osiris.
1389
01:28:40,779 --> 01:28:42,246
We gotta roll out.
1390
01:28:42,347 --> 01:28:45,578
Nor am I Father O'Malley.
1391
01:28:47,819 --> 01:28:50,754
Or Neil Armstrong.
1392
01:28:58,330 --> 01:29:00,491
I think I might be nobody.
1393
01:29:01,900 --> 01:29:03,060
Wow!
1394
01:29:03,168 --> 01:29:05,830
The insecurity level
with you guys is ridiculous!
1395
01:29:07,105 --> 01:29:10,074
- Everybody's got issues!
- Yeah, man, everybody got issues.
1396
01:29:10,175 --> 01:29:12,735
Come on! You're Kirk Lazarus.
1397
01:29:12,844 --> 01:29:15,005
You're the whole reason
I got into acting.
1398
01:29:15,113 --> 01:29:16,944
I memorized every single monologue
1399
01:29:17,048 --> 01:29:19,642
you ever did
when I was in theater school.
1400
01:29:19,751 --> 01:29:21,776
- Really?
- Yeah. And look, Tugg!
1401
01:29:21,887 --> 01:29:24,321
I saw Scorcher I
24 times when I was in eighth grade.
1402
01:29:24,422 --> 01:29:27,391
That shit blew me away!
I got high to that shit! You the man!
1403
01:29:27,492 --> 01:29:30,620
Yeah, man, Scorcher I was great.
Let's get the fuck out of here!
1404
01:29:30,729 --> 01:29:34,859
Tugg, Tugger, you're the last piece
of the puzzle, buddy.
1405
01:29:34,966 --> 01:29:37,958
We need you! Your men need you!
Are you with us?
1406
01:29:42,307 --> 01:29:44,298
I'm a rooster illusion.
1407
01:29:44,409 --> 01:29:45,603
Fuck it. We'll deal with him later.
1408
01:29:45,710 --> 01:29:48,873
Let's move. Come on. Come on.
Double time. Gotta go!
1409
01:29:51,416 --> 01:29:53,213
Come on, come on, come on.
1410
01:29:56,988 --> 01:29:58,922
Bingo! Move out.
1411
01:30:00,859 --> 01:30:02,224
Oh, God.
1412
01:30:04,196 --> 01:30:07,063
Just say no to this,
you drug-making midget.
1413
01:30:11,636 --> 01:30:13,103
Gotta hold on!
1414
01:30:19,277 --> 01:30:20,642
Four Leaf!
1415
01:30:25,383 --> 01:30:26,714
You grew hands?
1416
01:30:35,961 --> 01:30:37,485
RPG, gentlemen!
1417
01:30:40,265 --> 01:30:41,789
Where are you going?
1418
01:30:47,305 --> 01:30:49,830
Oh, my God.
I am moving to catering after this.
1419
01:31:11,863 --> 01:31:13,194
My ass!
1420
01:31:16,434 --> 01:31:17,765
My ass!
1421
01:31:19,371 --> 01:31:22,636
Hey, yo!
We gotta get our shit together, Tugg!
1422
01:31:22,741 --> 01:31:24,971
We gotta get his cracker ass
to the chopper!
1423
01:31:25,076 --> 01:31:29,376
Are you still crazy?
We gotta get Candisky to the chopper!
1424
01:31:29,481 --> 01:31:30,948
It's Sandusky.
1425
01:31:32,817 --> 01:31:36,116
- Kevin Sandusky.
- That's my name.
1426
01:31:36,221 --> 01:31:37,813
You remembered my name.
1427
01:31:37,923 --> 01:31:39,948
Alpa, go help Cody.
1428
01:31:40,058 --> 01:31:42,049
Portnoy, get Sandusky
back to the chopper. Go!
1429
01:31:42,160 --> 01:31:43,991
- I got him!
- Let's go!
1430
01:31:45,430 --> 01:31:46,954
Let's get out of here!
1431
01:31:58,843 --> 01:32:00,333
Hey, Leaf!
1432
01:32:00,445 --> 01:32:01,673
- Leaf!
- Yeah.
1433
01:32:01,780 --> 01:32:02,769
Hit the plunger
1434
01:32:02,881 --> 01:32:04,075
- as soon as they clear the bridge!
- Got it!
1435
01:32:05,750 --> 01:32:08,184
Come on! Get in the chopper!
1436
01:32:09,020 --> 01:32:11,818
- Come on! Move!
- Kirk! Wait!
1437
01:32:14,526 --> 01:32:17,620
- What the hell is he doing?
- Laz, I'm gonna blow the bridge!
1438
01:32:17,729 --> 01:32:18,923
Leaf's about to blow the bridge.
Come on!
1439
01:32:19,030 --> 01:32:21,624
You don't have to! You don't have to!
I'm staying.
1440
01:32:21,733 --> 01:32:23,223
No, I can't let you do that, mate.
We gotta go.
1441
01:32:23,335 --> 01:32:25,860
No, I'm telling you, I'm not being crazy.
They'll listen to me.
1442
01:32:25,971 --> 01:32:28,804
I know it sounds weird,
but I have a connection with them.
1443
01:32:28,907 --> 01:32:32,741
- Get over here!
- I have a son now. Little Half Squat.
1444
01:32:32,844 --> 01:32:34,402
Who in crikey fuck is Half Squat?
1445
01:32:34,512 --> 01:32:36,742
He's my son. He's my boy!
1446
01:32:36,848 --> 01:32:39,282
He needs me. I have to go back to him.
1447
01:32:42,420 --> 01:32:44,081
You tell the world what happened here.
1448
01:32:44,189 --> 01:32:46,020
What happened here?
1449
01:32:46,124 --> 01:32:48,354
I don't know, but you need to tell them.
1450
01:32:50,729 --> 01:32:52,560
I got this.
1451
01:32:52,664 --> 01:32:53,824
Tugg!
1452
01:32:54,532 --> 01:32:58,093
You take care of the boys!
I'll deal with these guys.
1453
01:32:59,504 --> 01:33:03,099
Where is he going?
We're gonna fucking die!
1454
01:33:03,208 --> 01:33:05,836
Laz, come on. He joined the circus.
Let's go.
1455
01:33:05,944 --> 01:33:07,138
- You've got hands.
- Yeah.
1456
01:33:07,245 --> 01:33:09,372
- Fuck! You've got hands?
- Come on!
1457
01:33:10,448 --> 01:33:11,574
- Come on!
- Get in!
1458
01:33:11,683 --> 01:33:13,310
- Come on!
- He's staying?
1459
01:33:13,418 --> 01:33:15,682
Go! He's a lost cause, mate!
Get out of here!
1460
01:33:20,258 --> 01:33:24,752
I was wrong! Blow the bridge!
Blow the fucking bridge!
1461
01:33:30,602 --> 01:33:32,001
I got this.
1462
01:33:32,670 --> 01:33:34,103
Leaf, no!
1463
01:34:18,249 --> 01:34:20,877
It's over! He's gone!
1464
01:34:20,985 --> 01:34:23,044
Cody! We gotta go!
1465
01:34:25,056 --> 01:34:26,250
Look.
1466
01:34:48,880 --> 01:34:50,211
Think he's done.
1467
01:34:50,315 --> 01:34:51,543
Cover me!
1468
01:34:52,617 --> 01:34:55,552
- Come on!
- Wait, come back!
1469
01:34:55,653 --> 01:34:57,382
How do we cover him?
1470
01:35:01,626 --> 01:35:05,019
All right, game over. Come on, mate.
Come on.
1471
01:35:05,130 --> 01:35:07,724
- You all right, man?
- I'm cold.
1472
01:35:07,832 --> 01:35:09,823
I can't feel my legs.
1473
01:35:09,934 --> 01:35:12,869
No, no, they're in a puddle, mate. See?
There's a puddle right there.
1474
01:35:12,971 --> 01:35:14,165
- No worries.
- Good.
1475
01:35:14,272 --> 01:35:15,569
Come on, we gotta split, man.
1476
01:35:15,673 --> 01:35:17,971
- You guys came back for me.
- Course.
1477
01:35:18,076 --> 01:35:20,408
Hey! I want you to know something.
1478
01:35:20,512 --> 01:35:21,706
What?
1479
01:35:22,881 --> 01:35:24,678
I know who you are.
1480
01:35:26,784 --> 01:35:28,547
You're my friend.
1481
01:35:30,822 --> 01:35:32,449
You're my brother.
1482
01:35:33,324 --> 01:35:36,157
But like a really cool brother, you know?
1483
01:35:36,261 --> 01:35:37,626
Like a brother
where there was no animosity or...
1484
01:35:37,729 --> 01:35:40,562
Don't look now,
you got some real tears going.
1485
01:35:40,665 --> 01:35:41,654
Really?
1486
01:35:41,766 --> 01:35:43,256
That's the stuff
that accolades are made of.
1487
01:35:43,368 --> 01:35:44,835
Jesus, let's go, man!
1488
01:35:44,936 --> 01:35:46,403
All right?
1489
01:35:47,972 --> 01:35:49,405
Upsy-daisy.
1490
01:35:51,176 --> 01:35:54,168
Come on! Come on! Come on!
Let's go! Let's go!
1491
01:35:56,314 --> 01:35:57,611
Get in! Get in!
1492
01:35:57,715 --> 01:35:59,740
Come on! Here we go!
1493
01:36:02,287 --> 01:36:05,085
Tuggernuts! I got it!
1494
01:36:07,458 --> 01:36:09,756
- Tugger!
- Rick!
1495
01:36:12,363 --> 01:36:13,591
What the fuck?
1496
01:36:13,698 --> 01:36:15,325
I got the TiVo!
1497
01:36:16,234 --> 01:36:20,637
My friend wants a TiVo,
my friend gets a TiVo!
1498
01:36:25,810 --> 01:36:27,072
Oh, shit!
1499
01:37:03,915 --> 01:37:05,940
And the Oscar goes to...
1500
01:37:08,686 --> 01:37:10,984
Yes! Tugg Speedman.
1501
01:37:12,624 --> 01:37:15,320
"Tropic Blunder,
The True Story Behind the Making
1502
01:37:15,426 --> 01:37:17,951
"of the Most Expensive
Fake True War Story Ever."
1503
01:37:19,530 --> 01:37:20,656
Yeah!
1504
01:37:25,370 --> 01:37:27,270
Yeah, you son of a bitch!
1505
01:37:46,591 --> 01:37:50,960
Eight Oscars, $400 million
1506
01:37:51,062 --> 01:37:54,293
and you saved
Tugg Speedman's career.
1507
01:37:54,399 --> 01:37:57,266
I couldn't have done it
without you, Slolom.
1508
01:37:59,304 --> 01:38:00,396
Really?
1509
01:38:00,505 --> 01:38:02,496
No, dickhead, of course I could.
1510
01:38:02,607 --> 01:38:05,269
- A nutless monkey could do your job.
- Well, I...
1511
01:38:05,376 --> 01:38:08,277
Now, go get drunk
and take credit at all the parties.
1512
01:38:08,379 --> 01:38:11,075
- I would never do that to...
- Joking.
1513
01:38:11,182 --> 01:38:12,547
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
1514
01:38:12,650 --> 01:38:14,845
Very... Okay, there he is.
1515
01:38:14,952 --> 01:38:16,442
- There he is. Okay.
- Go have fun.
1516
01:38:16,554 --> 01:38:18,078
All right. We're having a...
1517
01:38:18,189 --> 01:38:20,589
Fuck, okay. Thank you, Les.
Thank you. You have a good night...
1518
01:38:20,692 --> 01:38:23,092
But seriously,
a nutless monkey could do your job.
1519
01:38:23,194 --> 01:38:25,007
Good.
Thank you, sir.
1520
01:40:24,924 --> 01:40:25,925
Subtitles by LeapinLar
1521
01:40:26,305 --> 01:41:26,156
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