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-== [ www.OpenSubtitles.com ] ==-
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Oh, hello.
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Jean Francois?
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Jean Francois?
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Jean Francois.
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You in the robes. Put down
the weapon of mass destruction
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and get on the ground.
You're under arrest.
8
00:02:55,475 --> 00:02:57,943
Put down your weapons now!
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00:02:59,579 --> 00:03:01,843
Why can't they ever do this
the easy way?
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World Police.
Get down on the ground!
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Hey, terrorist.
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Terrorize this.
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All right, let's make this interesting.
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You lose.
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- He's getting away with the WMD!
- I got him.
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Damn, I missed him.
17
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Sarah, he's got the bomb.
You got a fix?
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I got him, Carson.
He's heading for the Louvre.
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Your plans are over.
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- All right, Sarah.
- Yeah, all right, team!
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Nothing to it.
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All right.
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Bonjour, everyone. Don't worry.
Everything is bon.
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We stopped the terrorists.
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I was doing a lot of thinking
on the ride over here.
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Oh, yeah? About what?
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I was thinking that I want you
to marry me.
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- Don't joke about that.
- Who's joking?
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Joe to Sarah. Looks like we may
need to order up a wedding cake.
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- He finally popped the question?
- Lisa, you're an amazing woman.
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And a damn fine cop. And I want
to spend the rest of my life with you.
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Oh, Carson. Carson...
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Carson!
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No!
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Carson.
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- Feel so cold.
- You have to hang on, Carson.
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Sorry, babe. Looks like this
was a one-way ticket.
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No.
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Lisa, you have to live on.
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Find someone else who will love you.
Find someone else and be happy.
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You deserve...
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No!
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No!
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No!
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Everyone has AIDS
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AIDS, AIDS, AIDS
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AIDS, AIDS, AIDS, AIDS
AIDS, AIDS
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Everyone has AIDS
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And so this is the end of our story
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And everyone is dead from AIDS
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It took from me my best friend
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My only true pal
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My only bright star
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He died of AIDS
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Well, I'm gonna march on Washington
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Lead the fight
And charge the brigades
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There's a hero inside of all of us
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I'll make them see
Everyone has AIDS
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- My father
- AIDS
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- My sister
- AIDS
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My uncle and my cousin
And her best friend
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The gays and the straights
And the whites and the spades
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Everyone has AIDS
My grandma and my dog Ole Blue
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- AIDS, AIDS, AIDS
- The pope has got it and so do you
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Come on, everybody
We got quilting to do
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We're gonna break down
These barricades
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Everyone has
AIDS, AIDS, AIDS, AIDS, AIDS
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AIDS, AIDS, AIDS, AIDS, AIDS
AIDS, AIDS, AIDS, AIDS
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AIDS, AIDS, AIDS, AIDS
AIDS, AIDS
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- Great job, Gary.
- Thanks. You too, Steve.
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That was the greatest acting
I've ever seen.
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I just don't know how you do it, Gary.
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How do you make yourself
so somber and emotional
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to make everybody cry like that?
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It's not that hard, really. I just think
about the saddest moment in my life.
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Man, wow. Gary is such a great guy.
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Gary. Oh, no.
Help me! Help me!
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Get off of me!
Get this thing off of me! Gary!
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Hello, young man. Congratulations
on a terrific performance.
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Oh, thank you.
I don't believe we've met, Mr...?
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The name is Spottswoode.
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- Well, nice to meet you.
- And you are Gary Johnston.
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All-American actor who graduated
Iowa University summa cum laude
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with a double major in theatre
and world languages.
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You've been at the top of every
acting class since you were a child.
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Top-gun actor.
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Hey, hold on a second,
are you from Hollywood?
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I have an incredible offer for you, Gary.
If you're interested, follow me this way.
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Please, Gary, step into my car.
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Oh, I get it.
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I'm supposed to get in your car
and let you put your finger inside me.
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Then if I go down on you,
I get a movie part.
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No, I just want to show
you something.
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- Yeah, I'll bet you do.
- Please, Gary,
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I'm not from Hollywood.
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I'm not going to fuck your mouth,
and my time is extremely valuable.
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- Jesus, this is a nice limo.
- Yes, it is.
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Now, suck my cock.
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Just kidding.
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All right, just what the hell
is this about?
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I hate to break this to you, Gary,
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but some people out there
want you dead.
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- Dead?
- They're called terrorists, Gary.
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And they hate everything about you.
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Why? What did I do to them?
I'm just a Broadway actor.
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It's not who you are, Gary,
it's what you stand for.
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And every single minute
of every single day,
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the terrorists are planning
new ways to kill you
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and everyone else
who lives in a free country.
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The only thing standing
in their way is us.
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You?
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Baxter, I think we can
"valmorphanize" safely now.
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Okay, a limousine that can fly.
Now I have seen everything.
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Really? Have you seen a man
eat his own head?
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- No.
- So then you haven't seen everything.
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And neither have we.
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Last week in Paris,
we caught four terrorists
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with a weapon of mass destruction.
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The terrorists are planning
something very big.
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And just what does this have
to do with me?
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Our only hope is to have somebody
act like a terrorist
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who wants to help them
carry out the attack.
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An actor convincing enough to make
the terrorists think he's one of them.
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This is crazy. I'm an actor, not a spy.
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That's all spying is: Acting.
And they say you're the best.
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An actor with a double major
in theatre and world languages?
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Hell, you're the perfect weapon, Gary.
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Look out!
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Right this way,
you maverick renegade.
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Welcome to Team Base.
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00:13:36,916 --> 00:13:40,682
Gary, this is Joe, all-star quarterback
from the University of Nebraska.
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He's a natural-born leader.
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I've heard a lot about your acting,
Mr. Johnston.
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- Hope it's as good as they say it is.
- And this is Sarah,
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the top empath from Berkeley's
School for the Clairvoyant
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in San Francisco.
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00:13:53,199 --> 00:13:57,693
I sense that you're slightly
confused right now.
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00:13:58,037 --> 00:14:02,064
That's supposed to be Carson's
replacement, a fucking actor?
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00:14:02,308 --> 00:14:04,902
Don't mind Chris.
He may be lacking courtesy,
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00:14:05,110 --> 00:14:08,102
but he's the best martial-arts expert
Detroit has to offer.
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That's right, actor.
Just stay the fuck away from me.
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00:14:12,852 --> 00:14:17,221
And finally, we have our
psychology expert. Where's Lisa?
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Right here.
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00:14:26,899 --> 00:14:31,302
Gary, this is Lisa. She specializes
in how the terrorists think.
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00:14:31,537 --> 00:14:35,473
Usually a case of malignant narcissism
brought on during childhood.
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00:14:35,708 --> 00:14:38,040
We've been doing our best
to keep the world safe, Gary.
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00:14:38,277 --> 00:14:41,337
But now somebody has supplied
the terrorists with WMDs.
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00:14:41,547 --> 00:14:44,072
And intelligence tells us
they plan to use them.
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Isn't that right,
I.N.T.E.L.L.I.G.E.N.C.E.?
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00:14:46,518 --> 00:14:50,010
- That is affirmative.
- I.N.T.E.L.L.I.G.E.N.C.E.?
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00:14:50,222 --> 00:14:52,850
The most sophisticated computer
in the world.
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00:14:53,058 --> 00:14:56,357
I've intercepted communications
that several terrorist groups
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are being organized for one
massive worldwide attack.
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00:15:00,232 --> 00:15:02,097
From what I.N.T.E.L.L.I.G.E.N.C.E.
Has gathered,
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it would be 9/11 times 100.
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00:15:05,738 --> 00:15:09,196
9/11 times 100?
Jesus, that's...
157
00:15:09,441 --> 00:15:13,434
Yes, 91,100.
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00:15:14,179 --> 00:15:17,740
Basically, all the worst parts
of the Bible.
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00:15:17,983 --> 00:15:20,645
So now you see why we need you.
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We will disguise you as a terrorist and
take you deep into the Middle East.
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If your acting is successful, you'll be
able to get us the information we need
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to stop this whole thing
from happening.
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Of course, if you're not interested...
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...there's the door.
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All right. Thanks.
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00:15:51,517 --> 00:15:54,247
Gary. Hey, hold on a second.
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00:15:54,453 --> 00:15:57,889
Don't you understand?
Every country in the world is in danger.
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How is it my responsibility
to do something?
169
00:16:00,926 --> 00:16:05,124
Because like it or not, you're the one
with the power to do something.
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00:16:07,599 --> 00:16:11,467
I can't fight terrorists. I don't know
anything about guns or jets.
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00:16:11,670 --> 00:16:14,935
That doesn't matter.
If you wanna help people,
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all that matters, Gary,
is what you have here.
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Just think about it, okay?
Here, take this.
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Baxter will take you wherever
you wanna go. Just remember:
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Your freedom's at stake too.
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What do you think Spottswoode
sees in him?
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I don't know. But I think I see it too.
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Hey, Baxter.
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I wanna take a detour.
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What would you do
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If you were asked to give up
Your dreams for freedom?
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00:17:28,747 --> 00:17:30,578
What would you do
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00:17:30,816 --> 00:17:35,014
If asked to make
The ultimate sacrifice?
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00:17:35,220 --> 00:17:38,553
Would you think about
All them people
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00:17:38,757 --> 00:17:42,523
Who gave up everything they had?
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Would you think about
All them war vets
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00:17:46,265 --> 00:17:50,668
And would you start to feel bad?
188
00:17:52,638 --> 00:17:55,368
Freedom isn't free
189
00:17:55,574 --> 00:17:59,340
It costs folks like you and me
190
00:17:59,545 --> 00:18:01,706
And if we don't all chip in
191
00:18:01,914 --> 00:18:06,578
We'll never pay that bill
192
00:18:07,753 --> 00:18:10,688
Freedom isn't free
193
00:18:10,889 --> 00:18:14,450
No, there's a hefty fucking fee
194
00:18:14,660 --> 00:18:21,395
And if you don't throw in
Your buck o'five, who will?
195
00:18:22,868 --> 00:18:24,802
Buck o'five
196
00:18:25,003 --> 00:18:30,100
Freedom costs a buck o'five
197
00:19:08,780 --> 00:19:11,840
Our dear leader, Kim Jong II, says
the weapons of mass destruction
198
00:19:12,050 --> 00:19:14,814
you requested are ready
for you to take.
199
00:19:15,053 --> 00:19:16,748
I am still in the process of recruiting
200
00:19:16,955 --> 00:19:19,253
and training new terrorists
for the attack.
201
00:19:19,458 --> 00:19:22,018
We take weapons later.
202
00:19:29,301 --> 00:19:32,134
He asks what part of the deal
you did not understand.
203
00:19:32,337 --> 00:19:34,999
He says perhaps his translator
did not make it clear to you.
204
00:19:35,207 --> 00:19:38,904
He says he should fire
his translator?
205
00:19:42,381 --> 00:19:45,748
Do you have any idea
how fucking busy I am?
206
00:19:45,984 --> 00:19:48,919
I cannot berieve that I have
a Chechnyan standing here terring me
207
00:19:49,154 --> 00:19:50,985
when he's gonna take a derivery.
208
00:19:51,223 --> 00:19:52,815
Herro?
209
00:19:53,025 --> 00:19:55,550
Perhaps we can be ready sooner.
210
00:19:55,761 --> 00:19:57,956
Yes, perhaps you can.
211
00:19:58,197 --> 00:20:00,461
Now, take your weapons
of mass destruction
212
00:20:00,666 --> 00:20:03,692
and get the fuck out of here.
213
00:20:20,786 --> 00:20:23,721
I had to come back.
214
00:20:23,989 --> 00:20:27,015
- I know you did, son.
- I still say this is a fucking mistake.
215
00:20:27,259 --> 00:20:31,025
Stop it, Chris. I sense that you're
making him feel intimidated.
216
00:20:31,230 --> 00:20:32,629
Gary, I'm afraid there's no time.
217
00:20:32,831 --> 00:20:35,231
I.N.T.E.L.L.I.G.E.N.C.E. Tells us
the attack is imminent.
218
00:20:35,434 --> 00:20:38,301
We need you to act like
a Middle Eastern terrorist right away.
219
00:20:38,503 --> 00:20:42,371
There's just one problem.
I don't look Middle Eastern.
220
00:20:43,942 --> 00:20:46,570
Leave that to us.
221
00:20:57,823 --> 00:21:02,492
Sarah's a professional at skin grafting
and laser "valmoriphication. "
222
00:21:02,728 --> 00:21:04,628
Just try to be still.
223
00:21:41,366 --> 00:21:43,061
Amazing.
224
00:21:43,302 --> 00:21:44,894
The valmoriphication
completely worked.
225
00:21:45,103 --> 00:21:47,128
Sit up and take a look, Gary.
226
00:21:53,478 --> 00:21:54,945
It's uncanny.
227
00:21:55,814 --> 00:21:58,442
You're going to fool everyone, Gary.
228
00:21:58,650 --> 00:21:59,674
Or should I say...
229
00:21:59,885 --> 00:22:02,149
...Hakmed.
230
00:22:02,688 --> 00:22:06,283
All right, team, we've only got
one shot at this, so listen up.
231
00:22:06,525 --> 00:22:08,755
I.N.T.E.L.L.I.G.E.N.C.E.
Has intercepted communications
232
00:22:08,960 --> 00:22:12,157
that terrorists from different countries
are gathering at a tavern here,
233
00:22:12,364 --> 00:22:16,767
- in Cairo.
- Cairo. That's in Egypt.
234
00:22:17,002 --> 00:22:18,594
Exactly right, Joe.
235
00:22:18,804 --> 00:22:22,706
Now, team, your mission will be
to get Gary into that tavern.
236
00:22:22,908 --> 00:22:25,877
And once he's on the inside,
cover his back.
237
00:22:26,111 --> 00:22:28,170
Gary, you must use
your acting to find out
238
00:22:28,380 --> 00:22:31,372
any information you can
from the terrorists.
239
00:22:33,085 --> 00:22:36,179
Gary, if for some reason
your cover is blown
240
00:22:36,388 --> 00:22:38,481
and the terrorists take you prisoner,
241
00:22:38,724 --> 00:22:42,160
well, you'll probably want
to take your own life.
242
00:22:42,361 --> 00:22:44,921
Here, you'd better have this.
243
00:22:50,068 --> 00:22:52,969
All right, team, that's it.
We've got a job to do.
244
00:22:53,205 --> 00:22:56,641
Let's go police the world.
245
00:22:56,875 --> 00:23:00,038
America
246
00:23:00,245 --> 00:23:03,476
America
247
00:23:03,715 --> 00:23:06,377
America
Fuck, yeah
248
00:23:06,585 --> 00:23:09,349
Coming again to save
The motherfucking day, yeah
249
00:23:09,554 --> 00:23:12,148
America
Fuck, yeah
250
00:23:12,391 --> 00:23:14,882
Freedom is the only way, yeah
251
00:23:15,093 --> 00:23:17,653
Terrorists, your game is through
252
00:23:17,863 --> 00:23:20,423
'Cause now you have to answer to
253
00:23:20,665 --> 00:23:23,031
America
Fuck, yeah
254
00:23:23,568 --> 00:23:26,264
So lick my butt
And suck on my balls
255
00:23:26,538 --> 00:23:29,507
America
Fuck, yeah
256
00:23:31,276 --> 00:23:33,801
What if the old man is wrong
about him, huh?
257
00:23:34,045 --> 00:23:37,572
What if he's not the great actor
Spottswoode says he is?
258
00:23:38,750 --> 00:23:41,844
Why don't you trust actors, Chris?
259
00:23:43,288 --> 00:23:45,848
I got my reasons.
260
00:23:49,728 --> 00:23:51,423
You all right, Gary?
261
00:23:52,397 --> 00:23:54,194
I was just thinking.
262
00:23:54,399 --> 00:23:57,800
On-stage, if I mess up a line,
it could mean a bad review.
263
00:23:58,003 --> 00:24:00,096
If I mess up here,
264
00:24:00,305 --> 00:24:02,239
we're all dead.
265
00:24:02,908 --> 00:24:05,843
I believe you can do this, Gary.
266
00:24:06,044 --> 00:24:09,411
Why? What reason do you
have to believe?
267
00:24:10,849 --> 00:24:15,252
Sometimes believing is all we have.
268
00:25:09,374 --> 00:25:12,434
Fear not, Muslim friends.
We're here to find terrorists.
269
00:25:12,644 --> 00:25:16,011
I'm clearing your minds of all anxiety.
270
00:25:16,214 --> 00:25:19,809
All right, good job, Sarah.
Now, everyone make for the tavern.
271
00:25:20,018 --> 00:25:22,612
Let's get one thing straight, actor.
I don't trust you.
272
00:25:22,821 --> 00:25:25,949
If you betray us, I'll rip your fucking
balls off and stuff them up your ass
273
00:25:26,157 --> 00:25:29,149
so that the next time you shit,
you'll shit all over your balls, got it?
274
00:25:29,361 --> 00:25:31,693
- What's your problem with me?
- Yeah, you wanna go?
275
00:25:31,897 --> 00:25:32,989
Guys, guys, guys!
276
00:25:33,198 --> 00:25:35,860
Don't you see this is just
what the terrorists want us to do?
277
00:25:36,067 --> 00:25:40,663
The war is out there, man. Out there.
Now, pull it together.
278
00:25:42,107 --> 00:25:45,634
All right, team, let's move
to the inner city. Keep it quiet.
279
00:25:57,188 --> 00:25:58,177
- Clear.
- Clear.
280
00:25:58,390 --> 00:25:59,379
- Clear.
- Clear.
281
00:25:59,591 --> 00:26:01,320
Gary, you follow me.
The rest of the team,
282
00:26:01,526 --> 00:26:04,427
take super-secret hiding positions
Alpha One.
283
00:26:06,865 --> 00:26:09,425
All right, that's the tavern
with the blue door.
284
00:26:09,701 --> 00:26:13,865
Act your way past those guards
and see what you can find out.
285
00:26:14,105 --> 00:26:16,938
Remember, if you think they're
onto you, give us the signal.
286
00:26:17,142 --> 00:26:19,440
You remember the signal?
287
00:26:20,946 --> 00:26:24,438
That's right. All right, good luck.
288
00:26:26,551 --> 00:26:29,315
Go get them, cowboy.
289
00:27:00,185 --> 00:27:01,584
Oh, shit.
290
00:27:01,820 --> 00:27:04,414
Come on, Gary, act.
You have the power.
291
00:27:23,208 --> 00:27:25,699
- All right, Gary!
- Told you he was top gun.
292
00:27:25,910 --> 00:27:30,006
- I've never seen acting that good.
- He's amazing.
293
00:27:47,666 --> 00:27:50,396
Yeah, no, I know.
It's terrible, terrible.
294
00:27:51,736 --> 00:27:55,900
We are Bashir rebels from
the country of Somalia. Who are you?
295
00:27:57,342 --> 00:28:01,836
My name is Hakmed. I'm a terrorist.
296
00:28:03,815 --> 00:28:07,808
Anybody know of any terrorist attacks
coming up soon?
297
00:28:21,232 --> 00:28:24,429
I sense that I'm becoming
attracted to Gary.
298
00:28:25,603 --> 00:28:28,629
My advice is not to get involved
with a team member, Sarah.
299
00:28:28,840 --> 00:28:32,003
It's too painful to see them die.
300
00:28:32,243 --> 00:28:34,677
I'm sorry, Lisa.
I didn't mean to bring up...
301
00:28:34,879 --> 00:28:38,337
It's okay, Sarah.
I treasure your friendship.
302
00:28:38,583 --> 00:28:41,051
I treasure yours, Lisa.
303
00:28:47,192 --> 00:28:51,060
Hey, have you ever thought
of telling Sarah how you feel?
304
00:28:51,896 --> 00:28:56,265
What would a girl like Sarah want
with a simple Nebraska boy like me?
305
00:28:56,501 --> 00:28:59,902
I don't know nothing about fancy cars
and fancy restaurants.
306
00:29:00,572 --> 00:29:05,509
Still, I'd love to show her
a full-moon night on the cornfields.
307
00:29:18,790 --> 00:29:20,724
What do you know?
308
00:29:21,226 --> 00:29:24,593
I heard there might be
a large terrorist attack.
309
00:29:24,796 --> 00:29:28,493
If you tell me what it is,
maybe I could help out.
310
00:29:28,733 --> 00:29:32,066
Get out of here. We have put out
a jihad on the infidels
311
00:29:32,303 --> 00:29:34,863
because they destroyed our lives.
312
00:29:35,306 --> 00:29:39,242
What do you know
about pain and sadness?
313
00:29:40,478 --> 00:29:43,413
Gary. Help me! Help me!
314
00:29:43,615 --> 00:29:47,517
Get him off!
Get this thing off of me! Gary!
315
00:29:49,420 --> 00:29:52,287
I was just a boy when the infidels
came to my village
316
00:29:52,490 --> 00:29:55,288
in their Black Hawk helicopters.
317
00:29:56,161 --> 00:30:00,495
The infidels fired at the oil fields
and they lit up like the eyes of Allah.
318
00:30:00,698 --> 00:30:04,327
Burning oil rained down from the sky
and cooked everything it touched.
319
00:30:04,569 --> 00:30:07,470
I could only hide myself and cry
as my goats were consumed
320
00:30:07,672 --> 00:30:09,572
by the fiery, black liquid death.
321
00:30:12,377 --> 00:30:14,174
In the midst of the chaos,
322
00:30:14,379 --> 00:30:19,043
I could swear that I heard my goats
screaming for help.
323
00:30:20,952 --> 00:30:24,513
As quickly as they had come,
the infidels were gone.
324
00:30:24,722 --> 00:30:29,250
It was on that day
I put a jihad on them.
325
00:30:31,629 --> 00:30:35,929
And if you don't believe it,
then you better kill me now,
326
00:30:36,134 --> 00:30:39,433
because I'll put a jihad on you too.
327
00:30:45,009 --> 00:30:48,445
I like you. You have balls.
328
00:30:48,646 --> 00:30:51,137
I like balls.
329
00:30:53,117 --> 00:30:55,483
All right, listen carefully.
The WMDs are located
330
00:30:55,687 --> 00:30:58,781
in a secret bunker 20 yards east
of this building.
331
00:30:58,990 --> 00:31:01,481
You can help us by guarding it
and making...
332
00:31:05,430 --> 00:31:07,261
Come. They're onto us!
333
00:31:07,465 --> 00:31:09,296
Hurry, friend.
We must make our escape.
334
00:31:13,271 --> 00:31:17,230
Shit. I've got five terrorists going
southeast on Baka laka daka Street.
335
00:31:17,542 --> 00:31:18,804
Don't let them get away.
336
00:31:24,849 --> 00:31:27,113
I sense Gary's trapped
inside the tavern.
337
00:31:27,352 --> 00:31:30,515
Copy, Sarah. You get Gary,
we'll go after the terrorists.
338
00:31:30,722 --> 00:31:33,987
America
339
00:31:34,225 --> 00:31:36,853
America
Fuck, yeah
340
00:31:37,061 --> 00:31:39,894
Coming again to save
The motherfucking day, yeah
341
00:31:40,098 --> 00:31:42,589
America
Fuck, yeah
342
00:31:42,800 --> 00:31:46,133
Freedom is the only way, yeah
343
00:31:46,371 --> 00:31:48,931
It's the dream that we all share
344
00:31:49,540 --> 00:31:52,373
It's the hope for tomorrow
345
00:31:52,610 --> 00:31:54,202
Go faster, you idiot.
346
00:31:59,584 --> 00:32:02,348
Die! Infidels!
347
00:32:09,761 --> 00:32:12,355
- They're not stopping.
- They had their chance.
348
00:32:21,239 --> 00:32:22,706
Missed. Wide right.
349
00:32:25,276 --> 00:32:27,437
One of the terrorists is trying
to tell us something.
350
00:32:27,979 --> 00:32:29,776
It's me. It's me.
351
00:32:30,214 --> 00:32:33,706
Looks like he's saying,
"Kiss me. Kiss me. "
352
00:32:33,918 --> 00:32:35,180
Smartass motherfucker.
353
00:32:49,434 --> 00:32:51,925
- Gary?
- An infidel.
354
00:32:52,170 --> 00:32:54,070
Kill her.
355
00:33:04,382 --> 00:33:05,713
Gary?
356
00:33:09,821 --> 00:33:13,086
- Sarah to Team America Four.
- What you got, Sarah?
357
00:33:13,324 --> 00:33:16,657
Gary isn't in the tavern.
I think he may be with...
358
00:33:16,861 --> 00:33:20,319
- Say again. You're breaking up.
- Joe, do you copy?
359
00:33:20,565 --> 00:33:23,261
- I'll get him.
- Lisa?
360
00:33:26,838 --> 00:33:28,465
I lost her.
361
00:33:28,673 --> 00:33:32,131
It's all right. We'll kill these guys,
then we'll find out what she wants.
362
00:33:32,343 --> 00:33:33,935
Right.
363
00:33:41,019 --> 00:33:42,680
Hey, guys, I think
we should pull over.
364
00:33:42,887 --> 00:33:44,616
Pull over? Yes, of course.
365
00:33:44,822 --> 00:33:47,689
Pull over, let them pass us, and when
they turn around, we charge them.
366
00:33:47,892 --> 00:33:49,484
I love your balls.
367
00:33:53,097 --> 00:33:54,962
Shit, they got by me.
368
00:33:58,369 --> 00:34:01,736
- What are we doing?
- This jeep is filled with explosives.
369
00:34:01,939 --> 00:34:04,464
We're going to take their lives
and our own.
370
00:34:04,675 --> 00:34:06,540
We're gonna what?
371
00:34:07,578 --> 00:34:09,637
- Hang on, Joe.
- Die, infidels.
372
00:34:21,259 --> 00:34:22,521
Surprise, cockfags!
373
00:34:40,745 --> 00:34:42,940
All right. We fucking did it.
374
00:34:46,551 --> 00:34:51,420
Spottswoode, it's Lisa. Gary found the
WMDs and the terrorists are down.
375
00:34:51,622 --> 00:34:55,615
Great job, team. Head back to base
for debriefing and cocktails.
376
00:34:59,295 --> 00:35:02,856
This is breaking news
with Peter Jennings.
377
00:35:03,633 --> 00:35:06,761
Team America has once again
pissed off the entire world
378
00:35:06,969 --> 00:35:08,800
after blowing up half of Cairo.
379
00:35:09,005 --> 00:35:11,940
And now some Hollywood celebrities
are lashing out.
380
00:35:12,141 --> 00:35:15,702
Alec Baldwin is head
of the Film Actors Guild.
381
00:35:16,479 --> 00:35:17,878
The Film Actors Guild believes
382
00:35:18,080 --> 00:35:20,571
that what the world needs
is compassion, not violence.
383
00:35:20,783 --> 00:35:24,617
All that Team America
does is create new enemies.
384
00:35:25,087 --> 00:35:27,078
Let me explain to you
how this works.
385
00:35:27,290 --> 00:35:30,589
You see, the corporations
finance Team America.
386
00:35:30,793 --> 00:35:34,388
And then Team America goes out,
and the corporations sit there in their...
387
00:35:34,597 --> 00:35:38,795
In their corporation buildings,
and, see, they're all corporation-y,
388
00:35:39,001 --> 00:35:41,629
and they make money.
389
00:35:41,837 --> 00:35:43,566
Last year I went to Iraq.
390
00:35:43,773 --> 00:35:46,640
Before Team America showed up,
it was a happy place.
391
00:35:46,842 --> 00:35:48,810
They had flowery meadows
and rainbow skies
392
00:35:49,011 --> 00:35:51,275
and rivers made of chocolate,
where the children danced
393
00:35:51,480 --> 00:35:54,643
and laughed and played
with gumdrop smiles.
394
00:35:54,850 --> 00:35:56,750
The actors are calling
for an emergency meeting.
395
00:35:56,953 --> 00:35:58,978
Already expected to attend
are Helen Hunt,
396
00:35:59,188 --> 00:36:04,148
George Clooney, Liv Tyler,
Martin Sheen, Susan Sarandon,
397
00:36:04,360 --> 00:36:06,794
Janeane Garofalo
and Matt Damon.
398
00:36:06,996 --> 00:36:09,794
Matt Damon.
399
00:36:09,999 --> 00:36:13,162
In the meantime, the world wants
to deal with dangerous individuals
400
00:36:13,369 --> 00:36:14,666
their own way.
401
00:36:32,989 --> 00:36:35,787
Hans Brix? Oh, no.
402
00:36:37,193 --> 00:36:40,458
Oh, herro,
great to see you again, Hans.
403
00:36:40,663 --> 00:36:44,155
Mr. II, I was supposed to be allowed
to inspect your palace today,
404
00:36:44,367 --> 00:36:47,530
and your guards won't let me into
certain areas.
405
00:36:47,737 --> 00:36:51,036
Hans, Hans, Hans. We've been
through this a dozen times.
406
00:36:51,240 --> 00:36:55,040
I don't have any weapons
of mass destruction, okay, Hans?
407
00:36:55,244 --> 00:36:58,475
Then let me look around so I can
ease the U.N.'s collective mind.
408
00:36:58,681 --> 00:37:01,980
Hans, you're breaking my barrs here.
Hans, you're breaking my barrs.
409
00:37:02,184 --> 00:37:04,880
I'm sorry, but the U.N. Must be
firm with you.
410
00:37:05,087 --> 00:37:08,181
Let me see your whole palace
or else.
411
00:37:08,391 --> 00:37:10,518
Or else what?
412
00:37:10,726 --> 00:37:14,685
Or else we will be very,
very angry with you.
413
00:37:14,897 --> 00:37:19,163
And we will write you a letter
telling you how angry we are.
414
00:37:19,802 --> 00:37:22,896
Okay, I'll show you, Hans.
You ready?
415
00:37:23,105 --> 00:37:25,073
Stand a rittle to your reft.
416
00:37:27,243 --> 00:37:28,972
A rittle more.
417
00:37:30,012 --> 00:37:31,343
Good.
418
00:37:37,253 --> 00:37:38,345
There you go, Hans Brix.
419
00:37:38,554 --> 00:37:41,682
How you rike that,
you fucking cocksucker?
420
00:37:43,959 --> 00:37:47,224
Do you have any idea
how fucking busy I am, Hans Brix?
421
00:37:47,463 --> 00:37:49,454
Well, fuck you.
You want inspection?
422
00:37:49,665 --> 00:37:53,260
Well, inspect that,
you buttfucking piece of shit.
423
00:37:54,070 --> 00:37:56,300
What, you think I'm just
a petty arms dearer?
424
00:37:56,539 --> 00:37:58,131
I'm pranning the attack.
425
00:37:58,341 --> 00:38:03,005
Congraturations, Team America,
you have stopped nothing.
426
00:38:22,031 --> 00:38:25,523
Congratulations, Gary.
You've done an amazing thing.
427
00:38:25,735 --> 00:38:29,535
It will be years before the terrorists
have the resources to attack again.
428
00:38:29,739 --> 00:38:32,105
We're gonna be unstoppable
with you on the team, Gary.
429
00:38:32,308 --> 00:38:35,038
Terrorists, your game is through.
430
00:38:35,678 --> 00:38:37,168
You're the best, Gary.
431
00:38:39,014 --> 00:38:42,142
So this terrorist is shooting at us
from the back of his jeep, and he...
432
00:38:42,351 --> 00:38:44,319
You might have all the others fooled,
but not me.
433
00:38:44,520 --> 00:38:47,512
Your acting was reckless
and it put us all in danger.
434
00:38:47,723 --> 00:38:51,022
The next time you pull a stunt like that,
I'll drill two holes through your dick
435
00:38:51,227 --> 00:38:54,993
so that when you pee, it shoots out
in all different directions. You got it?
436
00:38:56,899 --> 00:38:58,799
Hey, Sarah, do you mind
if I dance with you?
437
00:38:59,001 --> 00:39:01,367
No, of course not, Joe.
438
00:39:10,913 --> 00:39:14,314
Joe, do you think it's okay
for team members to date?
439
00:39:15,151 --> 00:39:17,483
Sarah, really?
440
00:39:17,686 --> 00:39:19,381
Yeah. Do you think it's all right?
441
00:39:19,588 --> 00:39:22,056
I think it's better than all right.
It's great!
442
00:39:22,258 --> 00:39:24,522
Oh, good. I'm so glad you think so.
443
00:39:38,941 --> 00:39:40,408
Gary? You okay?
444
00:39:41,777 --> 00:39:46,737
I was just wondering if I can let go
of an old, painful memory.
445
00:39:47,316 --> 00:39:49,841
Is it anything
that you wanna talk about?
446
00:39:50,453 --> 00:39:54,583
When I was a kid, I always looked up
to my older brother, Tommy.
447
00:39:54,790 --> 00:39:57,953
He was the jock,
and I was the little performer.
448
00:39:58,794 --> 00:40:01,126
We were all out at the zoo one day.
449
00:40:01,330 --> 00:40:05,596
I was doing some acting, walking
on the railing of the gorilla exhibit.
450
00:40:05,801 --> 00:40:07,598
I fell in.
451
00:40:07,803 --> 00:40:11,102
Everyone screamed,
and Tommy jumped in after me,
452
00:40:11,307 --> 00:40:14,572
forgetting that he had blueberries
in his front pocket.
453
00:40:15,578 --> 00:40:17,671
The gorillas just went wild.
454
00:40:18,147 --> 00:40:21,207
They jumped all over his body
and threw him around like a rag doll
455
00:40:21,417 --> 00:40:23,112
to get to those blueberries.
456
00:40:23,319 --> 00:40:27,585
One gorilla would throw him to another
gorilla, who tossed him to another.
457
00:40:30,159 --> 00:40:32,559
Everyone panicked and cried out
for somebody to help,
458
00:40:32,761 --> 00:40:34,729
but it was too late.
459
00:40:34,930 --> 00:40:40,232
The gorillas beat him to death before
the zookeepers could gas them all.
460
00:40:43,472 --> 00:40:44,962
My acting...
461
00:40:45,174 --> 00:40:46,801
...got my brother killed.
462
00:40:47,009 --> 00:40:48,738
I've had to live with that...
463
00:40:48,944 --> 00:40:51,310
...every single day.
464
00:40:51,514 --> 00:40:55,450
Gary, you can't blame yourself
for what gorillas did.
465
00:40:55,818 --> 00:40:58,286
I think I can finally let it go.
466
00:40:58,487 --> 00:41:01,923
Because my acting
saved the entire world.
467
00:41:02,157 --> 00:41:03,920
And something
even better happened.
468
00:41:04,126 --> 00:41:05,650
What?
469
00:41:05,861 --> 00:41:10,093
I met somebody
who took my breath away.
470
00:41:15,137 --> 00:41:17,435
Gary, no.
471
00:41:17,907 --> 00:41:18,999
I'm sorry.
472
00:41:19,208 --> 00:41:23,042
It's just...
Things are really complicated, Gary.
473
00:41:23,279 --> 00:41:25,213
I know about Carson.
474
00:41:25,414 --> 00:41:27,882
I know how it feels.
475
00:41:28,083 --> 00:41:30,176
God, I'm so confused.
476
00:41:30,386 --> 00:41:33,184
It's too soon to be
having feelings for you.
477
00:41:34,523 --> 00:41:38,960
Maybe feelings are feelings
because we can't control them.
478
00:41:39,228 --> 00:41:40,855
But I have to control them
479
00:41:41,063 --> 00:41:43,998
because I can't go through losing
somebody again. It's too painful.
480
00:41:44,199 --> 00:41:46,633
So... So, what, you're just
gonna shut down?
481
00:41:46,835 --> 00:41:48,530
I really like you.
482
00:41:48,737 --> 00:41:51,763
There's no chance
we can ever be together?
483
00:41:53,309 --> 00:41:56,870
Only if you could promise me
you'll never die.
484
00:41:57,079 --> 00:41:59,138
You know I can't promise that.
485
00:41:59,348 --> 00:42:02,715
If you did that,
I would make love to you right now.
486
00:42:07,323 --> 00:42:11,054
I promise. I will never die.
487
00:42:28,077 --> 00:42:33,208
I need this, I need love
I need you
488
00:42:34,817 --> 00:42:40,312
I don't need one heartbeat
I need two
489
00:42:41,290 --> 00:42:44,316
There's an emptiness I need to fill
490
00:42:44,526 --> 00:42:48,929
And only one emptiness will do
491
00:42:49,131 --> 00:42:55,434
Only a woman
Can brighten up my day
492
00:42:56,238 --> 00:43:02,734
Only a woman
Can touch me the right way, yeah
493
00:43:02,945 --> 00:43:09,509
Only a woman
Is allowed to touch me there
494
00:43:09,752 --> 00:43:13,848
All I ask
Is that you're a woman
495
00:43:37,413 --> 00:43:41,873
All I ask
Is that you're a woman
496
00:43:45,554 --> 00:43:49,650
Please just be a woman
497
00:43:55,230 --> 00:43:59,166
Lisa, you're the most amazing person
I've ever met.
498
00:43:59,368 --> 00:44:03,202
It's only been a short time,
but I think that I'm completely in love...
499
00:44:03,572 --> 00:44:05,904
Let's not talk.
500
00:44:06,175 --> 00:44:08,166
I can't help it.
This just feels so right,
501
00:44:08,377 --> 00:44:11,039
and I don't want anything
to mess it up.
502
00:44:13,449 --> 00:44:17,783
There's not a thing in the world
that can mess this up.
503
00:46:05,928 --> 00:46:08,761
Team, I'm afraid I have bad news.
504
00:46:08,964 --> 00:46:14,129
At 7:15 this morning,
the terrorists carried out their attack.
505
00:46:14,970 --> 00:46:17,302
- What?
- But how can that be?
506
00:46:17,506 --> 00:46:19,565
Gary stopped the terrorists
in Cairo.
507
00:46:19,775 --> 00:46:21,902
It appears now that
I.N.T.E.L.L.I.G.E.N.C.E. Was wrong
508
00:46:22,110 --> 00:46:24,340
about the Chechnyans
being in charge.
509
00:46:24,580 --> 00:46:26,480
That was bad,
I.N.T.E.L.L.I.G.E.N.C.E.
510
00:46:26,682 --> 00:46:30,140
- Very bad I.N.T.E.L.L.I.G.E.N.C.E.
- I'm sorry.
511
00:46:30,352 --> 00:46:33,913
We have to find out who did this
and take them down. Fast.
512
00:46:35,357 --> 00:46:38,815
Sir, I am intercepting communications
about the terrorists' identities.
513
00:46:39,027 --> 00:46:41,120
On screen.
514
00:46:41,330 --> 00:46:44,595
This is breaking news
with Peter Jennings.
515
00:46:44,867 --> 00:46:47,700
An attack in Panama today
has left thousands dead.
516
00:46:47,903 --> 00:46:51,999
Taking credit were terrorists
from Derka Derkastan.
517
00:46:52,207 --> 00:46:54,334
Of course, Derka Derkastan.
518
00:46:54,543 --> 00:46:57,103
The terrorists claim that the attack
was a retaliation
519
00:46:57,312 --> 00:46:59,644
for Team America's actions in Cairo.
520
00:46:59,848 --> 00:47:03,443
Alec Baldwin is rallying all
the members of the Film Actors Guild.
521
00:47:03,652 --> 00:47:05,882
- Alec Baldwin?
- Gary?
522
00:47:06,121 --> 00:47:07,884
He's my hero.
523
00:47:08,123 --> 00:47:10,284
The single greatest actor
of all time.
524
00:47:10,659 --> 00:47:13,992
Who is to blame for these attacks
in Panama?
525
00:47:14,196 --> 00:47:15,493
The terrorists?
526
00:47:15,697 --> 00:47:17,892
The person who supplied them
with WMDs?
527
00:47:18,133 --> 00:47:21,864
No. Blame Team America.
528
00:47:22,771 --> 00:47:26,901
Their reckless disregard in Cairo
brought on this violence today.
529
00:47:27,142 --> 00:47:32,546
Team America, the blood of the victims
of Panama is on your hands.
530
00:47:35,350 --> 00:47:37,341
Moved by Baldwin's
impassioned speech,
531
00:47:37,552 --> 00:47:40,680
hundreds of people turned out
at Mount Rushmore today to protest.
532
00:47:44,927 --> 00:47:46,861
Hey, that's here.
533
00:47:47,062 --> 00:47:49,530
Tom, it looks like filmmaker
Michael Moore
534
00:47:49,731 --> 00:47:53,497
is also jumping on the
"Fuck Team America" bandwagon.
535
00:47:54,202 --> 00:47:55,999
Protesting is not enough.
536
00:47:56,204 --> 00:48:00,197
We must take radical action against
the fascists in our own country.
537
00:48:00,409 --> 00:48:03,742
Bring it down! Bring it all down!
538
00:48:09,384 --> 00:48:12,376
Team, if the Derka Derkastanis
have weapons of mass destruction,
539
00:48:12,621 --> 00:48:16,717
I'm afraid it could be
9/11 times 1,000.
540
00:48:16,959 --> 00:48:18,722
- Jesus, you mean...?
- Yes.
541
00:48:18,927 --> 00:48:22,419
Nine hundred and eleven thousand.
542
00:48:22,631 --> 00:48:24,599
Then forget all these assholes.
We got work to do.
543
00:48:25,067 --> 00:48:27,934
Yes, let's get Gary valmorphanized
so he can use his acting.
544
00:48:28,136 --> 00:48:29,603
My acting?
545
00:48:29,805 --> 00:48:33,400
My acting? My acting just got
a thousand people killed.
546
00:48:33,608 --> 00:48:35,075
Jesus, I've done it again.
547
00:48:35,277 --> 00:48:38,474
Pull yourself together, Gary.
We need you now more than ever.
548
00:48:38,680 --> 00:48:40,875
- I'm through with this.
- Gary, you can't go.
549
00:48:41,083 --> 00:48:42,550
Without you, the team is doomed.
550
00:48:42,751 --> 00:48:46,118
Remember, there is no "I"
in Team America.
551
00:48:46,321 --> 00:48:48,289
Yes, there is.
552
00:48:51,226 --> 00:48:52,659
I know it's hard, Gary.
553
00:48:52,861 --> 00:48:55,955
But you're still the only hope
to stop these newer terrorists.
554
00:48:56,164 --> 00:48:58,962
Why me? Why am I the only one?
555
00:48:59,167 --> 00:49:00,896
Because you're the one
with the power to...
556
00:49:01,103 --> 00:49:04,072
Well, I don't want the fucking power!
557
00:49:05,841 --> 00:49:07,775
I don't want the guilt,
I don't want the shame
558
00:49:07,976 --> 00:49:09,807
and I don't want the responsibility.
559
00:49:10,112 --> 00:49:12,842
Then what about all the things
you promised last night?
560
00:49:13,048 --> 00:49:14,811
You said you'd never leave.
561
00:49:15,650 --> 00:49:20,314
I said I'd never die.
But now I'm dead inside.
562
00:49:21,390 --> 00:49:23,585
You slept with Gary?
563
00:49:25,560 --> 00:49:28,461
- Sarah.
- But you knew I liked Gary.
564
00:49:28,663 --> 00:49:30,654
I told you.
565
00:49:30,866 --> 00:49:33,528
You like Gary?
566
00:49:33,769 --> 00:49:36,169
Oh, I see.
567
00:49:36,405 --> 00:49:40,000
- I didn't plan on it happening, Sarah.
- Save it, Lisa.
568
00:49:41,777 --> 00:49:45,178
You see? All I do is hurt people.
569
00:49:45,414 --> 00:49:48,872
Gary, you didn't kill your brother.
Those gorillas did.
570
00:49:52,487 --> 00:49:55,183
I'm sorry I'm not the man
you think I am.
571
00:49:55,390 --> 00:49:57,858
I'm just bad news.
572
00:49:58,827 --> 00:50:01,193
I'll never act again.
573
00:50:08,904 --> 00:50:10,462
Fuck him. We don't need an actor.
574
00:50:10,672 --> 00:50:12,162
We can take out
the Derka Derkastanis
575
00:50:12,374 --> 00:50:14,035
the old-fashioned way.
576
00:50:14,242 --> 00:50:16,403
No. It would be a suicide mission.
577
00:50:16,611 --> 00:50:20,547
That's all right.
I feel a little bit like dying.
578
00:50:23,351 --> 00:50:25,444
Goddamn it, Gary.
579
00:50:30,959 --> 00:50:35,830
America
Fuck, yeah
580
00:50:36,932 --> 00:50:42,234
Coming again to save
The motherfucking day, yeah
581
00:50:42,437 --> 00:50:46,931
America
Fuck, yeah
582
00:50:48,376 --> 00:50:53,905
Freedom is the only way
Yeah
583
00:50:54,116 --> 00:50:59,247
Terrorists, your game is through
584
00:50:59,454 --> 00:51:04,084
'Cause now you have to answer to
585
00:51:05,093 --> 00:51:10,622
America
Fuck, yeah
586
00:51:11,433 --> 00:51:15,267
America
Fuck
587
00:51:15,470 --> 00:51:19,634
Gary! Help me!
Get this thing off of me! Gary!
588
00:51:23,145 --> 00:51:26,581
All right, team.
We're nearing Derka Derkastan.
589
00:51:26,781 --> 00:51:28,408
Let's get ready.
590
00:51:29,651 --> 00:51:31,551
Look out! We've got terrorist aircraft.
591
00:51:38,293 --> 00:51:40,454
There's only five of them, team.
This should be easy.
592
00:51:40,662 --> 00:51:42,220
I've got Korean aircraft at 1 o'clock.
593
00:51:44,166 --> 00:51:45,463
What are they doing here?
594
00:51:50,438 --> 00:51:52,736
Shoot them down. Rike dogs.
595
00:51:52,941 --> 00:51:55,603
Kim Jong II?
Why is he helping terrorists?
596
00:52:03,785 --> 00:52:05,275
I've got one on my tail!
597
00:52:07,489 --> 00:52:09,081
I got you, Sarah.
598
00:52:13,461 --> 00:52:14,894
Bring in the submarines.
599
00:52:18,133 --> 00:52:21,625
What the hell? Something's shooting
at us from the water.
600
00:52:21,836 --> 00:52:25,101
- It must be a Korean sub.
- Chris, you've gotta take them out.
601
00:52:25,307 --> 00:52:27,468
I'm already on it.
602
00:52:33,515 --> 00:52:34,948
These guys really snuck up on us.
603
00:52:35,150 --> 00:52:37,778
Yeah, there's a lot of that
going around lately.
604
00:52:37,986 --> 00:52:40,386
Sarah, you know I didn't mean
to hurt you.
605
00:52:40,589 --> 00:52:42,284
No, you just didn't care if you did.
606
00:52:44,392 --> 00:52:46,155
Now, come on, Sarah,
that isn't fair.
607
00:52:46,361 --> 00:52:48,727
Lisa can't help it
if Gary has feelings for her.
608
00:52:48,997 --> 00:52:52,728
Just like nobody can help it
if you have feelings for Gary.
609
00:52:57,105 --> 00:52:58,663
What is that supposed to mean?
610
00:52:58,873 --> 00:53:00,773
Oh, come on, Sarah.
You mean you never realized
611
00:53:00,976 --> 00:53:02,705
Joe has feelings for you?
612
00:53:06,081 --> 00:53:08,311
Joe? But you're like a brother to me.
613
00:53:10,185 --> 00:53:13,518
That's all I ever am. Like a brother.
It isn't fair.
614
00:53:19,694 --> 00:53:22,094
Hang on, team.
Someone has broken into the hangar.
615
00:53:22,297 --> 00:53:24,731
- Baxter?
- Hey, Team America.
616
00:53:25,000 --> 00:53:27,230
I got something for you.
617
00:53:27,502 --> 00:53:30,733
- What the hell?
- Prepare to die.
618
00:53:33,875 --> 00:53:36,571
Jesus titty-fucking...
619
00:53:40,081 --> 00:53:41,241
...Christ!
620
00:53:41,916 --> 00:53:43,008
Spottswoode!
621
00:53:45,553 --> 00:53:47,043
Oh, my God!
622
00:53:48,590 --> 00:53:51,081
No. He can't be dead.
623
00:53:52,060 --> 00:53:54,028
We've lost I.N.T.E.L.L.I.G.E.N.C.E.
624
00:53:54,262 --> 00:53:56,696
I repeat,
we have no I.N. T.E.L.L.I. G.E.N. C.E.
625
00:53:56,931 --> 00:54:00,025
Their computers are down.
Attack!
626
00:54:04,039 --> 00:54:06,701
- Sarah!
- I sense I'm going down.
627
00:54:09,077 --> 00:54:11,272
Sarah! God, Chris,
you gotta help her.
628
00:54:11,546 --> 00:54:13,446
I'm on it. Just hang on, Sarah.
629
00:54:16,584 --> 00:54:18,279
Oh, fuck, I've been hit.
630
00:54:18,853 --> 00:54:21,014
Chris, come in.
631
00:54:21,256 --> 00:54:23,520
- Oh, Jesus, I'm hit!
- Lisa!
632
00:54:23,758 --> 00:54:24,747
- Going down.
- Goddamn it,
633
00:54:24,959 --> 00:54:27,018
I'm gonna have to breach.
634
00:54:30,098 --> 00:54:31,895
I'm gonna hit the water.
635
00:54:33,001 --> 00:54:34,764
Missile lock. I've got missile lock.
636
00:54:35,003 --> 00:54:37,130
I've gotta bail out.
637
00:54:53,688 --> 00:54:57,852
Salvage their ships. If you find anyone
arive, you know what to do with them.
638
00:55:01,229 --> 00:55:03,197
Terrorists on screen.
639
00:55:04,299 --> 00:55:08,167
Okay, who brew up Panama Canal?
640
00:55:08,370 --> 00:55:10,361
We were angry about Cairo.
641
00:55:10,605 --> 00:55:12,698
Goddamn it, how many times
do I have to tell you?
642
00:55:12,907 --> 00:55:15,705
You don't use the WMDs
until you see the signal.
643
00:55:15,910 --> 00:55:17,673
I have worked ten years
on this pran.
644
00:55:17,879 --> 00:55:20,609
It is a very precise
and a compricated pran.
645
00:55:20,815 --> 00:55:22,942
I am sick of you terrorists
fucking it up.
646
00:55:23,151 --> 00:55:24,675
Now, take the weapons
where I told you
647
00:55:24,886 --> 00:55:28,982
and wait for the goddamn signal
this time. Goodbye.
648
00:55:30,258 --> 00:55:33,352
Why is everyone so fucking stupid?
649
00:55:34,195 --> 00:55:38,131
Why aren't more people interrigent?
Rike me?
650
00:55:40,001 --> 00:55:44,062
I'm so ronery
651
00:55:44,272 --> 00:55:46,206
So ronery
652
00:55:46,408 --> 00:55:50,139
So ronery and sadry arone
653
00:55:50,345 --> 00:55:54,805
There's no one
Just me onry
654
00:55:55,016 --> 00:55:58,747
Sitting on my rittle throne
655
00:55:59,020 --> 00:56:02,854
I work rearry hard
And make up great prans
656
00:56:03,057 --> 00:56:07,357
But nobody ristens
No one understands
657
00:56:07,562 --> 00:56:13,432
Seems rike no one
Takes me seriousry
658
00:56:14,102 --> 00:56:15,660
And so
659
00:56:15,870 --> 00:56:18,395
I'm ronery
660
00:56:19,441 --> 00:56:21,375
A rittle ronery
661
00:56:22,043 --> 00:56:26,446
Poor rittle me
662
00:56:31,486 --> 00:56:36,355
There's nobody I can rerate to
663
00:56:36,724 --> 00:56:40,216
Feel rike a bird in a cage
664
00:56:40,428 --> 00:56:43,795
It's kind of sirry
But not rearry
665
00:56:44,399 --> 00:56:48,426
Because it's firring my body
With rage
666
00:56:48,636 --> 00:56:53,573
I'm the smartest, most crever
Most physicarry fit
667
00:56:53,808 --> 00:56:57,039
But nobody else seems to rearize it
668
00:56:57,245 --> 00:57:03,616
When I change the world
Maybe they'll notice me
669
00:57:03,818 --> 00:57:05,285
And until then
670
00:57:05,487 --> 00:57:08,251
I'll just be ronery
671
00:57:09,157 --> 00:57:12,126
Yeah, a rittle ronery
672
00:57:12,327 --> 00:57:17,321
Poor rittle me
673
00:57:21,236 --> 00:57:27,266
I'm so ronery
674
00:57:44,526 --> 00:57:46,187
What would you do
675
00:57:46,394 --> 00:57:50,990
If you were asked to give up
Your dreams for freedom?
676
00:57:51,733 --> 00:57:55,169
What would you do if asked
To make the ultimate sacrifice?
677
00:57:55,370 --> 00:57:58,271
Hey, weren't you the actor
in that Broadway show?
678
00:57:58,473 --> 00:58:02,739
Hey, yeah, it is you. Do that scene
where everyone gets AIDS.
679
00:58:02,944 --> 00:58:06,607
I don't act anymore.
I gave that up.
680
00:58:06,814 --> 00:58:10,181
- Oh, come on, man, just a scene.
- I said, get away from me!
681
00:58:10,385 --> 00:58:14,082
I'm completely lost.
I've hit rock bottom.
682
00:58:14,289 --> 00:58:17,190
Easy, easy.
You gotta calm down there, Chuck.
683
00:58:17,392 --> 00:58:20,555
I hurt people. I'm a dick.
684
00:58:20,762 --> 00:58:23,230
Well, being a dick ain't so bad.
685
00:58:23,431 --> 00:58:24,955
See, there are three kinds of people:
686
00:58:25,166 --> 00:58:27,634
Dicks, pussies and assholes.
687
00:58:27,869 --> 00:58:31,464
Pussies think everyone can get along
and dicks just wanna fuck all the time
688
00:58:31,673 --> 00:58:33,140
without thinking it through.
689
00:58:33,341 --> 00:58:35,639
But then you got your assholes,
Chuck.
690
00:58:35,843 --> 00:58:39,006
And all the assholes want
is to shit all over everything.
691
00:58:39,814 --> 00:58:42,339
So pussies may get mad at dicks
once in a while
692
00:58:42,550 --> 00:58:45,178
because pussies
get fucked by dicks.
693
00:58:45,386 --> 00:58:49,049
But dicks also fuck assholes, Chuck.
694
00:58:49,257 --> 00:58:51,782
And if they didn't fuck the assholes,
you know what you'd get?
695
00:58:51,993 --> 00:58:55,759
You'd get your dick and your pussy
all covered in shit.
696
00:58:57,265 --> 00:58:59,961
All right, that does it.
Get out of here, you drunk lowlife.
697
00:59:07,241 --> 00:59:08,970
Get out of here, I said.
698
00:59:17,719 --> 00:59:19,380
Lisa!
699
00:59:20,054 --> 00:59:23,683
Lisa. Lisa, are you here?
700
00:59:26,094 --> 00:59:28,392
Get out of the street,
you fucking bum!
701
00:59:33,635 --> 00:59:36,502
You gave up on life, didn't you?
702
01:00:59,921 --> 01:01:03,152
My fellow actors,
we live in a dark time.
703
01:01:03,424 --> 01:01:05,585
The world is becoming more
and more violent
704
01:01:05,793 --> 01:01:07,886
and the idiots in charge
are making it worse.
705
01:01:08,129 --> 01:01:12,532
What the world needs is
an international advisory committee
706
01:01:12,800 --> 01:01:14,961
who truly understands global politics.
707
01:01:15,169 --> 01:01:17,501
Namely, us.
708
01:01:20,308 --> 01:01:22,640
The time has come for us
to start using our acting talents
709
01:01:22,844 --> 01:01:23,936
in a different way.
710
01:01:24,312 --> 01:01:28,476
Yes, we can use our powers
to change the world.
711
01:01:31,152 --> 01:01:34,315
We will persuade everyone
to drive hybrid cars and stop smoking.
712
01:01:34,756 --> 01:01:37,054
If we focus our acting
on global politics,
713
01:01:37,258 --> 01:01:39,783
we can change everything and stuff.
714
01:01:43,030 --> 01:01:46,659
As actors, it is our responsibility
to read the newspapers
715
01:01:46,868 --> 01:01:51,168
and then say what we read
on television like it's our own opinion.
716
01:01:51,405 --> 01:01:53,566
Matt Damon.
717
01:01:53,841 --> 01:01:55,172
We've all done action films.
718
01:01:55,376 --> 01:01:58,004
If anyone tries to get in our way,
we'll show them just how tough
719
01:01:58,212 --> 01:02:00,146
us actors really are.
720
01:02:04,185 --> 01:02:06,050
I'm glad you all agree.
721
01:02:06,254 --> 01:02:10,190
Because I've just been contacted
by a very important political leader
722
01:02:10,391 --> 01:02:12,882
who is bringing all the
world leaders together
723
01:02:13,127 --> 01:02:16,096
for a massive
international peace conference.
724
01:02:16,364 --> 01:02:20,596
And he wants us to be
the keynote speakers.
725
01:02:22,870 --> 01:02:24,735
Matt Damon!
726
01:02:26,541 --> 01:02:29,101
Say hello to our new partner.
727
01:02:29,944 --> 01:02:32,174
Herro.
728
01:02:40,254 --> 01:02:42,279
Stop it! Stop it, you're killing him!
729
01:02:44,826 --> 01:02:46,919
I'm gonna fucking kill you!
730
01:02:47,128 --> 01:02:52,760
You're not in a position to kill anyone,
my red, white and brue friend.
731
01:02:53,134 --> 01:02:56,763
So you're the bastard
planning 9/11 times 1,000.
732
01:02:57,038 --> 01:02:59,598
No. You think so small.
733
01:02:59,807 --> 01:03:03,800
You see, I'm about to have
an eraborate peace ceremony.
734
01:03:04,078 --> 01:03:08,242
And while all the world's most
important people are distracted here,
735
01:03:08,449 --> 01:03:10,542
I will detonate the WMDs
736
01:03:10,751 --> 01:03:15,051
which I have given to terrorists
arr around the grobe.
737
01:03:15,823 --> 01:03:22,126
It will be 9/11 times 2,356.
738
01:03:22,363 --> 01:03:26,163
My God, that's...
I don't even know what that is.
739
01:03:27,001 --> 01:03:29,094
Nobody does.
740
01:03:29,337 --> 01:03:31,805
You heartless bastard.
Why would you do such a thing?
741
01:03:32,073 --> 01:03:34,132
Because then there will be barance.
742
01:03:34,342 --> 01:03:36,902
Every country will be
a Third World country.
743
01:03:37,144 --> 01:03:39,009
Just imagine it.
744
01:03:39,213 --> 01:03:42,478
All around the world, there will be
massive exprosions.
745
01:03:42,717 --> 01:03:44,082
With nobody to guide them,
746
01:03:44,285 --> 01:03:48,346
the people will break out into panic
and rioting all over the earth.
747
01:03:48,589 --> 01:03:51,683
The true nature of humanity
is unreashed.
748
01:03:51,893 --> 01:03:54,521
Dog eats dog,
as everyone attacks everyone
749
01:03:54,729 --> 01:03:56,959
and fends only for themselves.
750
01:03:57,164 --> 01:03:59,655
Grobal stabirity unravels.
751
01:03:59,867 --> 01:04:04,861
By the time my show is over,
it will be far too rate.
752
01:04:11,512 --> 01:04:12,979
Your plan will fail.
753
01:04:13,214 --> 01:04:16,308
You'll never keep the world leaders
distracted here for nine hours.
754
01:04:16,517 --> 01:04:21,511
Oh, no? I've got Arec Barrwin.
755
01:04:21,756 --> 01:04:23,621
Dear God.
756
01:04:23,824 --> 01:04:29,023
You are the rast of a dying breed,
the frag-waving American.
757
01:04:29,230 --> 01:04:32,495
Well, your rittle dream
will soon be over.
758
01:04:33,634 --> 01:04:36,125
I must get back to pranning
the ceremony now.
759
01:04:36,370 --> 01:04:38,736
The film actors are on their way.
760
01:04:38,940 --> 01:04:42,967
Perhaps they'll stop in and say herro.
761
01:04:43,511 --> 01:04:48,881
Having so little faith in humanity
must make you a very lonely man.
762
01:04:56,357 --> 01:04:58,985
You shall have a front-row seat.
763
01:04:59,193 --> 01:05:01,093
Bring her upstairs.
764
01:05:01,295 --> 01:05:03,627
Leave her alone,
you son of a bitch!
765
01:05:03,864 --> 01:05:07,231
Lisa, I treasure your friendship!
766
01:05:08,369 --> 01:05:11,361
Somebody has to stop this!
767
01:05:18,279 --> 01:05:22,909
I miss you more than Michael Bay
Missed the mark
768
01:05:23,117 --> 01:05:25,915
When he made Pearl Harbor
769
01:05:26,120 --> 01:05:31,183
I miss you more than that movie
Missed the point
770
01:05:31,392 --> 01:05:35,260
And that's an awful lot, girl
And now
771
01:05:35,463 --> 01:05:38,591
Now you've gone away
772
01:05:39,200 --> 01:05:41,794
And all I'm trying to say
773
01:05:42,003 --> 01:05:44,938
Is Pearl Harbor sucked
774
01:05:45,139 --> 01:05:48,905
And I miss you
775
01:05:50,911 --> 01:05:55,780
I need you like Ben Affleck
Needs acting school
776
01:05:55,983 --> 01:05:59,146
He was terrible in that film
777
01:05:59,353 --> 01:06:03,915
I need you like Cuba Gooding
Needed a bigger part
778
01:06:04,125 --> 01:06:08,084
He's way better than Ben Affleck
And now
779
01:06:08,295 --> 01:06:11,890
All I can think about is your smile
780
01:06:12,099 --> 01:06:15,125
And that shitty movie too
781
01:06:15,369 --> 01:06:17,667
Pearl Harbor sucked
782
01:06:17,872 --> 01:06:21,308
And I miss you
783
01:06:23,444 --> 01:06:26,208
Pearl Harbor sucked
784
01:06:28,315 --> 01:06:33,753
Just a little bit more
Than I miss you
785
01:06:34,889 --> 01:06:37,653
Oh, my God.
What the hell happened?
786
01:06:57,478 --> 01:07:00,276
Hello? Anybody?
787
01:07:02,516 --> 01:07:05,576
Greetings, Mr. Johnston.
788
01:07:05,786 --> 01:07:07,811
I.N.T.E.L.L.I.G.E.N.C.E.,
what the hell happened?
789
01:07:08,055 --> 01:07:11,855
Our base was attacked by
a giant socialist weasel.
790
01:07:12,059 --> 01:07:13,788
But where's the team?
791
01:07:13,994 --> 01:07:17,953
They have been taken prisoner
by Kim Jong II in North Korea.
792
01:07:18,165 --> 01:07:21,191
I have intercepted communications
that he is planning
793
01:07:21,402 --> 01:07:24,371
the massive attack
during a peace ceremony.
794
01:07:24,572 --> 01:07:28,008
Don't move, protester,
or I'll blow your commie brains out.
795
01:07:28,242 --> 01:07:31,006
- Spottswoode.
- Johnston?
796
01:07:31,212 --> 01:07:32,645
What the hell are you doing here?
797
01:07:32,847 --> 01:07:34,314
Get away from
I.N.T.E.L.L.I.G.E.N.C.E.
798
01:07:34,515 --> 01:07:36,244
I'm using it to blow up North Korea.
799
01:07:36,450 --> 01:07:38,680
No! The team is in North Korea.
800
01:07:38,919 --> 01:07:43,379
I know. And so are the triggers
to WMDs poised all around the globe.
801
01:07:43,624 --> 01:07:45,683
My only option now
is to blow up Kim Jong II
802
01:07:45,893 --> 01:07:48,361
and everything around him
before he can set them off.
803
01:07:48,562 --> 01:07:51,429
I.N.T.E.L.L.I.G.E.N.C.E., initiate
detonation sequence on the ships.
804
01:07:51,632 --> 01:07:53,099
You'll kill them all.
805
01:07:53,300 --> 01:07:55,268
It's what they would
want me to do, Gary.
806
01:07:55,469 --> 01:07:57,937
They would happily give their lives
for the good of the world,
807
01:07:58,139 --> 01:08:01,131
- something you don't understand!
- There has to be another way.
808
01:08:01,342 --> 01:08:04,277
There's nobody left
to stop Kim Jong II.
809
01:08:04,478 --> 01:08:06,173
Let me go.
810
01:08:07,248 --> 01:08:10,115
You? You're a buttfucking quitter.
811
01:08:10,351 --> 01:08:12,911
You walked out, Gary. The team went
on a mission without you.
812
01:08:13,120 --> 01:08:15,452
And without an actor,
they were like pigs to the slaughter.
813
01:08:15,656 --> 01:08:17,954
I'm supposed to leave
the fate of the world in your hands?
814
01:08:18,159 --> 01:08:20,753
I know I walked out,
but I'd do anything to take it back.
815
01:08:20,961 --> 01:08:24,124
- Please, just let me help.
- You've done enough.
816
01:08:24,365 --> 01:08:27,459
Please, Spottswoode,
you have to believe in me.
817
01:08:29,603 --> 01:08:33,562
I want to believe in you, Gary,
I really do.
818
01:08:33,774 --> 01:08:36,265
But you've let me down before.
819
01:08:36,610 --> 01:08:39,875
Please, how can I make you
trust me?
820
01:08:41,649 --> 01:08:44,209
I remember the first time we met.
821
01:08:44,418 --> 01:08:47,216
You were a simple Broadway actor
afraid to get in my limo
822
01:08:47,421 --> 01:08:50,618
because you thought I wanted you
to perform oral sex on me.
823
01:08:50,824 --> 01:08:52,917
Do you remember that?
824
01:08:53,127 --> 01:08:55,061
Yeah.
825
01:08:55,262 --> 01:09:00,564
And now the tables are turned,
and I don't know if I can trust you.
826
01:09:01,969 --> 01:09:04,904
Just give me a chance.
827
01:09:08,509 --> 01:09:11,000
All right, I'll trust you.
828
01:09:11,712 --> 01:09:13,646
But only if you...
829
01:09:13,847 --> 01:09:16,816
...will perform oral sex on me.
830
01:09:18,352 --> 01:09:21,515
- What?
- Right here, right now.
831
01:09:23,824 --> 01:09:26,816
- You can't be serious.
- Oh, I am serious.
832
01:09:27,027 --> 01:09:30,929
Look, this is my serious face.
833
01:09:32,433 --> 01:09:34,993
- What will that prove?
- It will prove that you are truly ready
834
01:09:35,202 --> 01:09:36,362
to lay everything on the line.
835
01:09:36,570 --> 01:09:38,800
To throw away all your inhibitions
and give 100 percent.
836
01:09:39,006 --> 01:09:41,804
We must go back to that first night
we met, that first issue of trust.
837
01:09:42,009 --> 01:09:44,705
- Don't you see?
- No. I thought you weren't gay.
838
01:09:44,912 --> 01:09:47,278
This isn't about sex, Gary,
it's about trust.
839
01:09:47,481 --> 01:09:51,417
It's the eye of the needle, Gary,
and we must both pass through it.
840
01:09:55,556 --> 01:09:57,615
Okay, let's do it.
841
01:10:00,094 --> 01:10:02,324
I'll make sure nobody's watching.
842
01:10:02,529 --> 01:10:04,497
Yeah, it looks clear.
843
01:10:04,698 --> 01:10:06,666
Okay, go.
844
01:10:08,235 --> 01:10:09,862
There must be another way.
845
01:10:10,571 --> 01:10:13,540
I guess you won't do everything
to take it all back, will you, Gary?
846
01:10:13,741 --> 01:10:15,868
No, no, no. Wait, wait, hold on.
847
01:10:16,076 --> 01:10:20,877
You're saying if I do that,
you'll let me help the team?
848
01:10:21,115 --> 01:10:24,209
I'll give you all the time I can.
849
01:10:26,754 --> 01:10:29,416
Okay, let's do it.
850
01:10:29,623 --> 01:10:31,386
Here we go.
851
01:10:31,592 --> 01:10:33,719
And go.
852
01:11:02,423 --> 01:11:05,017
You are dedicated.
853
01:11:05,259 --> 01:11:06,692
Now, let's go get cleaned up.
854
01:11:06,927 --> 01:11:09,395
If you're going to storm Kim Jong ll's
palace single-handed,
855
01:11:09,596 --> 01:11:12,565
we have to make you
a complete soldier in very little time.
856
01:11:13,434 --> 01:11:15,299
How we gonna do that?
857
01:11:15,502 --> 01:11:19,529
I think I know just what we need.
858
01:11:22,776 --> 01:11:25,609
The hour's approaching
To give it your best
859
01:11:25,813 --> 01:11:29,214
And you've got to reach your prime
860
01:11:29,416 --> 01:11:31,941
That's when you need
to put yourself to the test
861
01:11:32,152 --> 01:11:34,484
And show us a passage of time
862
01:11:34,688 --> 01:11:38,317
- We're gonna need a montage
- Montage
863
01:11:38,525 --> 01:11:41,892
- It takes a montage
- Montage
864
01:11:42,129 --> 01:11:44,597
Show a lot of things
Happening at once
865
01:11:44,798 --> 01:11:47,631
Remind everyone
Of what's going on
866
01:11:47,835 --> 01:11:51,168
And with every shot
Show a little improvement
867
01:11:51,372 --> 01:11:53,636
To show it all would take too long
868
01:11:53,841 --> 01:11:56,935
- That's called a montage
- Montage
869
01:11:57,144 --> 01:12:00,671
- Girl, we want a montage
- Montage
870
01:12:00,881 --> 01:12:03,782
In anything, if you want to go
871
01:12:03,984 --> 01:12:06,509
From just a beginner to a pro
872
01:12:06,720 --> 01:12:09,348
- You need a montage
- Montage
873
01:12:09,590 --> 01:12:13,788
- Even Rocky had a montage
- Montage
874
01:12:14,495 --> 01:12:19,330
- Always fade out in a montage
- Montage
875
01:12:19,533 --> 01:12:23,196
If you fade out
It seems like more time has passed
876
01:12:23,404 --> 01:12:26,464
- In a montage
- Montage
877
01:12:36,817 --> 01:12:38,512
Radies and gentlemen.
878
01:12:38,719 --> 01:12:42,985
The Film Actors Guild and Kim Jong II
are preased to welcome you
879
01:12:43,190 --> 01:12:48,628
to the International
World Peace Ceremony.
880
01:12:48,829 --> 01:12:51,525
The most important people
from every country
881
01:12:51,732 --> 01:12:56,066
are gathered here in soridarity
to cerebrate peace.
882
01:12:56,270 --> 01:12:58,898
There will be music, dancing
and, of course,
883
01:12:59,139 --> 01:13:01,505
the biggest stars in Horrywood.
884
01:13:01,742 --> 01:13:05,838
In the box to your reft is the
mastermind of this spectacurar show,
885
01:13:06,079 --> 01:13:10,175
the multitarented Kim Jong II.
886
01:13:10,384 --> 01:13:12,875
Oh, herro.
887
01:13:13,520 --> 01:13:19,186
And now we present to you
the very best in North Korean music.
888
01:13:37,478 --> 01:13:40,879
Ten years of pranning,
and finarry the night is here.
889
01:13:41,081 --> 01:13:44,847
The terrorists know to be in position by
the time Arec Barrwin takes the stage.
890
01:13:45,252 --> 01:13:49,188
That's when I trigger all the WMDs
to go off at the same time.
891
01:13:49,389 --> 01:13:51,254
When you see Arec Barrwin,
892
01:13:51,458 --> 01:13:55,895
you will see the true ugriness
of human nature.
893
01:13:56,129 --> 01:13:59,257
Your plan will never work.
Something will stop it.
894
01:14:00,234 --> 01:14:02,862
You stupid, naive Team Americans.
895
01:14:03,070 --> 01:14:05,197
You berieve in true rove
and happy endings
896
01:14:05,405 --> 01:14:08,306
even while the world around you
spirals downward.
897
01:14:09,343 --> 01:14:13,905
Sometimes believing is all we have.
898
01:14:15,349 --> 01:14:18,409
And as the leaders of your countries,
you have the power
899
01:14:18,619 --> 01:14:24,114
to bring the world together under
the principles of the Film Actors Guild.
900
01:14:24,358 --> 01:14:26,292
You're gonna
knock them dead, Alec.
901
01:14:27,294 --> 01:14:29,990
Ten minutes, Mr. Baldwin.
902
01:14:39,873 --> 01:14:41,704
Who the hell you?
903
01:14:41,942 --> 01:14:45,343
I'm with the Film Actors Guild.
I'm here to help with the broadcast.
904
01:14:45,546 --> 01:14:46,808
Then you show credentials.
905
01:14:47,014 --> 01:14:48,845
Hey, you don't need to see
my credentials.
906
01:14:49,049 --> 01:14:51,916
I left them at home
and I'm running late.
907
01:14:52,152 --> 01:14:54,245
- I berieve him.
- Yeah, me too.
908
01:14:55,489 --> 01:14:57,047
Okay, have a nice day.
909
01:14:57,257 --> 01:15:00,158
My God, his acting is better
than ever.
910
01:15:15,676 --> 01:15:18,736
Don't worry, fellas,
I've got my pass right here.
911
01:15:29,356 --> 01:15:30,653
Please, Mr. Sheen, Mr. Robbins,
912
01:15:30,857 --> 01:15:33,291
you don't understand
what Kim Jong II is doing.
913
01:15:33,527 --> 01:15:37,190
Shut up. We have explicit instructions
to watch you.
914
01:15:37,431 --> 01:15:40,423
- Yeah. We're supposed to be guards.
- We're guards.
915
01:15:40,634 --> 01:15:44,263
- We're guards, huh? We're guards.
- We're guards.
916
01:15:44,504 --> 01:15:47,337
Mr. Sheen, Mr. Robbins. Someone
has broken into the main hall.
917
01:15:47,541 --> 01:15:50,374
What? Come on, Martin!
918
01:16:00,520 --> 01:16:03,080
- Gary?
- What the fuck are you doing here?
919
01:16:03,323 --> 01:16:05,814
Guys, are you all right?
Where's Lisa?
920
01:16:06,059 --> 01:16:08,619
What the heck do you care?
You walked out on her.
921
01:16:08,829 --> 01:16:10,296
Look, I wanna make things right.
922
01:16:10,497 --> 01:16:12,124
Here, Spottswoode's monitoring
from the base.
923
01:16:12,332 --> 01:16:15,324
- Spottswoode is dead, Gary.
- Not as dead as you think.
924
01:16:15,535 --> 01:16:18,561
- Spottswoode!
- Yes, I'm here, Joe.
925
01:16:18,839 --> 01:16:22,172
- All right, you're alive!
- Great to hear your voices again.
926
01:16:22,376 --> 01:16:25,140
Now we've got to get Lisa
and stop Kim Jong II.
927
01:16:25,345 --> 01:16:27,370
I'm not going anywhere
with this fucking traitor.
928
01:16:27,581 --> 01:16:29,481
What makes you think
we'll take you back, douchebag?
929
01:16:29,683 --> 01:16:32,117
- We're doing this without you!
- Now, hold on, team.
930
01:16:32,352 --> 01:16:33,683
Gary has already proven to me
931
01:16:33,887 --> 01:16:36,253
that he is 100 percent committed
to the team.
932
01:16:36,490 --> 01:16:40,051
He proved it last night
by sucking my cock.
933
01:16:43,597 --> 01:16:46,088
All right. Come on, team,
we gotta find that stage.
934
01:16:47,000 --> 01:16:51,630
Rook how much they rove my show.
The entire audience is so captivated.
935
01:16:58,378 --> 01:17:02,906
And now you see,
the new world is inevitabre.
936
01:17:03,116 --> 01:17:06,449
- It's what?
- Inevita... Inevitabre.
937
01:17:06,653 --> 01:17:08,484
- One more time.
- Inevitabre!
938
01:17:08,689 --> 01:17:11,214
Things are inevitabry
going to change.
939
01:17:11,425 --> 01:17:14,155
Goddamn it, open your fucking ears.
940
01:17:16,296 --> 01:17:18,560
- Five minutes, Mr. Baldwin.
- Thank you.
941
01:17:18,799 --> 01:17:22,758
- Alec, we have a problem.
- Team America escaped.
942
01:17:23,503 --> 01:17:26,233
What? You fools.
They'll ruin everything.
943
01:17:26,440 --> 01:17:29,000
We better warn everyone.
They'll be headed here.
944
01:17:29,209 --> 01:17:32,144
No. We can't look weak
and powerless.
945
01:17:32,345 --> 01:17:35,610
If violence is all those bastards
understand, then violence they'll get.
946
01:17:35,816 --> 01:17:37,841
Every actor, grab a gun
and keep Team America
947
01:17:38,051 --> 01:17:40,918
from reaching this ceremony
at all costs.
948
01:17:41,221 --> 01:17:43,246
Qapla!
949
01:17:43,490 --> 01:17:45,253
Qapla!
950
01:17:45,492 --> 01:17:48,791
I swear they won't reach this stage.
951
01:18:06,313 --> 01:18:07,940
Jesus! What have we got?
952
01:18:08,181 --> 01:18:11,048
Looks like George Clooney
and Liv Tyler, 20 yards.
953
01:18:12,819 --> 01:18:14,912
Look out, it's Ethan Hawke
and Janeane Garofalo.
954
01:18:21,394 --> 01:18:22,952
Drop your weapons.
955
01:18:23,497 --> 01:18:24,964
Fucking die!
956
01:18:26,967 --> 01:18:28,059
We gotta split up.
957
01:18:28,335 --> 01:18:30,701
Sarah, you and Gary go that way.
Chris and I will go right.
958
01:18:30,904 --> 01:18:34,305
No, I think I'd rather team up
with you, Joe.
959
01:18:36,009 --> 01:18:38,443
I guess you're with me, cockfag.
960
01:18:40,413 --> 01:18:41,641
- Danny Glover!
- Come on, Penn.
961
01:18:41,848 --> 01:18:44,817
- We must protect the show.
- Right.
962
01:18:45,418 --> 01:18:48,216
- The stage must be that way.
- No. Joe, Sarah, it's a trap!
963
01:18:54,628 --> 01:18:56,255
Very impressive, warmongers.
964
01:18:56,496 --> 01:19:00,057
Now let's see how Kim Jong ll's
panthers treat you.
965
01:19:03,904 --> 01:19:05,735
I went to Iraq, you know!
966
01:19:11,878 --> 01:19:14,346
- Susan Sarandon.
- Oh, thank God.
967
01:19:14,548 --> 01:19:17,073
We have to stop the ceremony.
Kim Jong II is mad.
968
01:19:17,284 --> 01:19:19,616
Here, let me loose.
I'll show you where the theatre is.
969
01:19:19,886 --> 01:19:22,480
- All right.
- No, Chris, stay away from her.
970
01:19:22,722 --> 01:19:27,056
- Fuck you. She wants to help us.
- No, Chris, she's acting.
971
01:19:27,928 --> 01:19:29,623
I am not. The others tied me up
972
01:19:29,830 --> 01:19:32,025
because I wouldn't go along
with their plans.
973
01:19:32,265 --> 01:19:34,699
Your skills are fading with age,
Miss Sarandon.
974
01:19:36,303 --> 01:19:38,601
You shall die a peasant's death!
975
01:19:48,315 --> 01:19:49,577
Jesus titty-fucking Christ.
976
01:19:49,783 --> 01:19:52,513
I could've sworn
she was telling the truth.
977
01:19:52,752 --> 01:19:56,415
That's why they call it acting.
Come on, we gotta find Lisa.
978
01:19:56,623 --> 01:20:00,457
I was 19 years old when
the musical Cats came to our town.
979
01:20:01,027 --> 01:20:02,756
I couldn't wait to see it.
980
01:20:03,930 --> 01:20:06,125
After the show, I was asked
if I wanted to go meet
981
01:20:06,333 --> 01:20:10,133
some of the performers backstage.
Man, I was thrilled.
982
01:20:10,337 --> 01:20:14,831
But when I got back there,
they were drunk and out of control.
983
01:20:15,075 --> 01:20:18,636
Rumpus cat and Macavity
kept feeling up my leg.
984
01:20:18,879 --> 01:20:22,645
I tried to leave, but Rumpleteazer
held me down and...
985
01:20:23,783 --> 01:20:27,116
...I was raped by Mr. Mistoffelees.
986
01:20:30,690 --> 01:20:32,954
That's why you don't trust actors.
987
01:20:36,830 --> 01:20:38,957
I'm sorry I've been so hard on you.
988
01:20:39,165 --> 01:20:41,725
If there's still a world left
when this is all over,
989
01:20:41,935 --> 01:20:43,766
I'd like to buy you a beer.
990
01:20:46,606 --> 01:20:48,597
Come on, let's go.
We're running out of time.
991
01:20:53,346 --> 01:20:57,214
Sarah, before we die, I want to
finally tell you that I love you.
992
01:20:58,418 --> 01:21:02,377
No. No, I'm not gonna
let it end like this.
993
01:21:02,622 --> 01:21:06,524
We are not your enemy, furry ones.
You will not attack us.
994
01:21:06,760 --> 01:21:10,628
Sarah, that isn't going to work.
You don't really have mental powers.
995
01:21:10,864 --> 01:21:14,527
Your captors are behind you, Shebas.
Show your anger to them.
996
01:21:36,089 --> 01:21:37,716
Sarah, you did it!
997
01:21:41,194 --> 01:21:42,422
Wait. Hold on.
998
01:21:43,930 --> 01:21:46,421
Spottswoode, I think we just found
the entrance to the theatre.
999
01:21:46,666 --> 01:21:48,361
Have Sarah and Joe lock on to our...
1000
01:21:49,402 --> 01:21:50,994
Gary!
1001
01:21:51,972 --> 01:21:54,532
- Actors, ho!
- Helen Hunt.
1002
01:21:54,741 --> 01:21:56,732
Samuel Jackson.
1003
01:21:56,943 --> 01:21:59,036
Matt Damon.
1004
01:22:00,547 --> 01:22:02,344
Motherfucker.
1005
01:22:03,516 --> 01:22:04,710
Gary, Chris, come in.
1006
01:22:07,487 --> 01:22:12,186
And now, radies and gentlemen,
Mr. Arec Barrwin.
1007
01:22:23,970 --> 01:22:27,064
We are here to usher in a new era
without violence.
1008
01:22:27,307 --> 01:22:29,605
By following the rules
of the Film Actors Guild,
1009
01:22:29,809 --> 01:22:31,902
the world can become a better place
1010
01:22:32,112 --> 01:22:36,208
that handles dangerous people
with talk and reasoning.
1011
01:22:36,449 --> 01:22:39,885
That is the F.A.G. Way.
1012
01:22:40,086 --> 01:22:44,182
One day you'll all look at the world
us actors created and say,
1013
01:22:44,424 --> 01:22:48,087
"Wow. Good going, F.A.G.
1014
01:22:48,328 --> 01:22:52,492
You really made the world
a better place, didn't you, F.A.G.?"
1015
01:22:52,766 --> 01:22:57,135
Yes, Arec Barrwin.
Too bad there won't be a world reft.
1016
01:22:57,370 --> 01:22:59,099
Oh, God, no.
1017
01:22:59,339 --> 01:23:03,935
You see? No Prince Charming rode in
on a white stallion to save the day.
1018
01:23:04,544 --> 01:23:06,842
This is the real world.
1019
01:23:07,047 --> 01:23:09,948
I'm afraid your world is over.
1020
01:23:11,384 --> 01:23:12,908
In five minutes.
1021
01:23:15,955 --> 01:23:18,947
Yes, the ticking crock.
1022
01:23:20,627 --> 01:23:25,030
Sorry, Team America, but you see,
we must live in a time of peace.
1023
01:23:25,265 --> 01:23:28,029
Put down the gas can now.
1024
01:23:28,301 --> 01:23:29,962
Kill them.
1025
01:23:34,074 --> 01:23:35,666
Jackson!
1026
01:23:38,178 --> 01:23:39,770
Team, you've got to hurry.
1027
01:23:45,718 --> 01:23:48,380
Let's go, bitch.
I've done action films.
1028
01:23:48,588 --> 01:23:50,146
Come on.
1029
01:24:12,378 --> 01:24:13,436
Matt Damon!
1030
01:24:24,757 --> 01:24:27,157
Come on, stop trying to hit me
and hit me.
1031
01:24:33,933 --> 01:24:35,901
Don't fucking move!
1032
01:24:36,603 --> 01:24:38,434
Now, isn't that a shame.
1033
01:24:38,638 --> 01:24:40,401
You came so close
to stopping peace.
1034
01:24:40,607 --> 01:24:43,872
But you see,
peace always finds a way.
1035
01:24:44,110 --> 01:24:46,044
Goodbye, Team America.
1036
01:24:46,246 --> 01:24:49,044
I've just got one piece of bad news
for you, Robbins.
1037
01:24:49,382 --> 01:24:52,943
- What's that?
- I'm a smoker.
1038
01:25:11,471 --> 01:25:13,701
Now that the world
is going to be run peacefully,
1039
01:25:13,907 --> 01:25:15,431
we should all drive hybrid cars.
1040
01:25:15,642 --> 01:25:18,076
Right now famiries
are gathering in parks,
1041
01:25:18,311 --> 01:25:21,610
children are walking to school,
friends are sitting in movie theatres.
1042
01:25:21,814 --> 01:25:26,444
All compretery unaware that the world
is about to change forever.
1043
01:25:26,686 --> 01:25:28,711
All because of me.
1044
01:25:31,124 --> 01:25:32,648
Stop that man.
1045
01:25:34,594 --> 01:25:36,084
Gary!
1046
01:25:36,329 --> 01:25:39,162
- Team America?
- Goddamn it.
1047
01:25:39,365 --> 01:25:41,492
Sorry to interrupt the show,
everyone, but Kim Jong II
1048
01:25:41,701 --> 01:25:43,896
is an international criminal.
We're here to arrest him.
1049
01:25:44,103 --> 01:25:45,934
Oh, no, you're not.
1050
01:25:46,172 --> 01:25:47,662
This is a peace conference.
1051
01:25:48,041 --> 01:25:50,737
And if you even try to touch
Kim Jong II,
1052
01:25:50,944 --> 01:25:54,675
this audience and I will rise up
against you.
1053
01:25:56,950 --> 01:25:58,679
Fuck off, Team America!
1054
01:25:58,918 --> 01:26:01,284
Team, there's no time.
You have to convince that audience
1055
01:26:01,487 --> 01:26:03,887
to let you do your job.
1056
01:26:05,291 --> 01:26:09,625
- Gary, you've got to take the stage.
- No. I can't upstage Alec Baldwin.
1057
01:26:09,862 --> 01:26:12,592
- He's the best actor in the world.
- You have to try.
1058
01:26:12,799 --> 01:26:15,700
- I'm not that good.
- Actually...
1059
01:26:16,202 --> 01:26:19,797
...you're the finest actor
I've ever met.
1060
01:26:27,180 --> 01:26:29,944
Come on, Gary, hurry.
You've got to act fast.
1061
01:26:34,187 --> 01:26:37,054
I know you all don't like Team America
a whole lot right now,
1062
01:26:37,590 --> 01:26:39,922
but Kim Jong II is a lot worse.
1063
01:26:43,463 --> 01:26:45,988
You can't outact me, boy.
Don't even try.
1064
01:26:46,599 --> 01:26:51,559
For the truth is that Team America
fights for the billion-dollar corporations.
1065
01:26:51,771 --> 01:26:57,141
They are just as bad
as the enemies they fight.
1066
01:26:59,879 --> 01:27:03,815
Oh, no, we aren't. We're dicks!
1067
01:27:07,587 --> 01:27:10,647
We're reckless, arrogant,
stupid dicks.
1068
01:27:12,592 --> 01:27:16,653
And the Film Actors Guild
are pussies.
1069
01:27:18,097 --> 01:27:21,658
And Kim Jong II is an asshole.
1070
01:27:24,404 --> 01:27:28,841
Pussies don't like dicks,
because pussies get fucked by dicks.
1071
01:27:29,042 --> 01:27:32,910
But dicks also fuck assholes,
1072
01:27:33,146 --> 01:27:36,673
assholes who just wanna shit
on everything.
1073
01:27:36,883 --> 01:27:40,216
Pussies may think they can deal
with assholes their way.
1074
01:27:40,453 --> 01:27:42,546
But the only thing
that can fuck an asshole
1075
01:27:42,755 --> 01:27:45,986
is a dick with some balls.
1076
01:27:49,262 --> 01:27:52,891
The problem with dicks
is that sometimes they fuck too much.
1077
01:27:53,132 --> 01:27:57,626
- Or fuck when it isn't appropriate.
- Yes, Gary, yes.
1078
01:27:57,937 --> 01:28:00,997
And it takes a pussy
to show them that.
1079
01:28:01,207 --> 01:28:03,437
But sometimes pussies
get so full of shit
1080
01:28:03,643 --> 01:28:06,373
that they become assholes
themselves.
1081
01:28:06,612 --> 01:28:09,809
Because pussies are only an
inch and a half away from assholes.
1082
01:28:11,918 --> 01:28:15,376
I don't know much
in this crazy, crazy world...
1083
01:28:15,588 --> 01:28:21,288
...but I do know that if you don't
let us fuck this asshole...
1084
01:28:21,494 --> 01:28:24,930
...we are gonna have our dicks
and our pussies...
1085
01:28:25,131 --> 01:28:28,123
...all covered in shit.
1086
01:28:43,783 --> 01:28:46,547
Show us what you're doing,
Kim Jong II.
1087
01:28:48,855 --> 01:28:50,823
Do something, Arec Barrwin!
1088
01:28:51,224 --> 01:28:55,183
The... Global warming and...
Corporate America...
1089
01:28:57,663 --> 01:28:59,597
You are worthress, Arec Barrwin.
1090
01:29:09,876 --> 01:29:13,277
Don't fucking move!
You were all going to be treated
1091
01:29:13,513 --> 01:29:15,276
to a faburous show.
But now party's over.
1092
01:29:15,515 --> 01:29:17,676
- For I am the great Kim Jong II.
- Lisa.
1093
01:29:17,917 --> 01:29:21,648
And I am the greatest terrorist
ever to have rived.
1094
01:29:21,888 --> 01:29:23,651
Terrorize this.
1095
01:29:39,505 --> 01:29:41,405
- Lisa, are you okay?
- No, Gary, the countdown.
1096
01:29:41,641 --> 01:29:43,165
You have to stop it.
1097
01:29:43,376 --> 01:29:46,504
- What do I do?
- Hit the big "cancel" button!
1098
01:29:53,553 --> 01:29:55,851
- Gary, how did you manage this?
- Spottswoode helped me.
1099
01:29:56,055 --> 01:29:57,750
Spottswoode? He's alive?
1100
01:29:58,024 --> 01:30:01,755
Lisa, I'm crazy about you.
Will you please forgive me if I...?
1101
01:30:02,028 --> 01:30:05,623
You had me at
"dicks fuck assholes. "
1102
01:30:05,865 --> 01:30:08,663
Attention. Attention, everyone.
1103
01:30:08,868 --> 01:30:11,336
All you in the audience should go
to your homes now.
1104
01:30:11,571 --> 01:30:14,335
Your countries need you.
But the world will be safe,
1105
01:30:14,540 --> 01:30:18,442
thanks to a brilliant actor
named Gary Johnston.
1106
01:30:37,430 --> 01:30:40,888
Let me explain to you
the kind of man Gary is.
1107
01:30:41,100 --> 01:30:42,124
He's a man who knows
1108
01:30:42,335 --> 01:30:45,736
that when you put another man's cock
in your mouth, you make a pact.
1109
01:30:45,938 --> 01:30:47,303
A bond that cannot be broken.
1110
01:30:47,940 --> 01:30:50,875
He's a man so dedicated that
he will get down on his knees
1111
01:30:51,077 --> 01:30:53,045
and put that cock
right in his mouth.
1112
01:30:55,748 --> 01:30:57,477
Wait a minute. Look!
1113
01:31:02,522 --> 01:31:05,616
You have not heard the rast
of Kim Jong II.
1114
01:31:05,825 --> 01:31:07,952
I will return!
1115
01:31:08,794 --> 01:31:13,128
You shall see. I will be back!
1116
01:31:18,804 --> 01:31:21,773
So rong, earthrings!
1117
01:31:23,309 --> 01:31:25,971
We'll be here waiting for you,
Kim Jong II.
1118
01:31:26,178 --> 01:31:28,669
All right, you guys, I hate to break up
this little party,
1119
01:31:28,881 --> 01:31:30,678
but there's still a lot of bad guys
out there.
1120
01:31:30,883 --> 01:31:35,149
Well, then let's go show the bad guys
the police are back in force.
1121
01:31:35,388 --> 01:31:37,015
Fuck, yeah.
1122
01:31:37,223 --> 01:31:39,020
Fuck, yeah.
1123
01:31:39,992 --> 01:31:43,018
America
1124
01:31:43,262 --> 01:31:46,254
America
1125
01:31:46,499 --> 01:31:49,525
America
Fuck, yeah
1126
01:31:49,802 --> 01:31:52,362
Coming again to save
The motherfucking day, yeah
1127
01:31:52,572 --> 01:31:55,336
America
Fuck, yeah
1128
01:31:55,541 --> 01:31:58,032
Freedom is the only way
Yeah
1129
01:31:58,277 --> 01:32:00,677
Terrorists, your game is through
1130
01:32:00,880 --> 01:32:03,747
'Cause now you have to answer to
1131
01:32:03,983 --> 01:32:06,178
America
Fuck, yeah
1132
01:32:06,385 --> 01:32:09,377
So lick my butt
And suck on my balls
1133
01:32:09,589 --> 01:32:11,853
America
Fuck, yeah
1134
01:32:12,058 --> 01:32:16,017
What you gonna do
When we come for you now?
1135
01:32:16,228 --> 01:32:18,822
It's the dream that we all share
1136
01:32:19,031 --> 01:32:23,866
- It's the hope for tomorrow
- Fuck, yeah
1137
01:32:26,405 --> 01:32:27,804
- McDonald's
- Fuck, yeah
1138
01:32:28,007 --> 01:32:29,338
- Wal-Mart
- Fuck, yeah
1139
01:32:29,542 --> 01:32:30,668
- The Gap
- Fuck, yeah
1140
01:32:30,876 --> 01:32:32,207
- Baseball
- Fuck, yeah
1141
01:32:32,411 --> 01:32:33,469
- NFL
- Fuck, yeah
1142
01:32:33,679 --> 01:32:34,907
- Rock 'n' roll
- Fuck, yeah
1143
01:32:35,114 --> 01:32:36,342
- The Internet
- Fuck, yeah
1144
01:32:36,549 --> 01:32:39,040
- Slavery
- Fuck, yeah
1145
01:32:39,251 --> 01:32:40,240
Fuck, yeah
1146
01:32:47,326 --> 01:32:48,759
Everyone has AIDS
1147
01:32:48,961 --> 01:32:51,589
- My grandma and my dog Ole Blue
- AIDS, AIDS, AIDS
1148
01:32:51,831 --> 01:32:54,493
- The pope has got it and so do you
- AIDS, AIDS, AIDS, AIDS, AIDS
1149
01:32:54,700 --> 01:32:56,361
Come on, everybody
We got quilting to do
1150
01:32:56,569 --> 01:32:57,558
AIDS, AIDS, AIDS
AIDS, AIDS
1151
01:32:57,770 --> 01:32:59,260
We're gonna break down
These barricades
1152
01:32:59,472 --> 01:33:01,702
Everyone has
AIDS, AIDS, AIDS, AIDS, AIDS
1153
01:33:01,907 --> 01:33:04,341
AIDS, AIDS, AIDS, AIDS, AIDS
AIDS, AIDS, AIDS, AIDS
1154
01:33:04,543 --> 01:33:06,477
AIDS, AIDS, AIDS, AIDS
AIDS, AIDS
1155
01:33:06,679 --> 01:33:09,341
Freedom isn't free
1156
01:33:09,548 --> 01:33:13,541
It costs folks like you and me
1157
01:33:13,753 --> 01:33:20,488
And if we don't all chip in
We'll never pay that bill
1158
01:33:21,727 --> 01:33:24,525
Freedom isn't free
1159
01:33:24,730 --> 01:33:28,359
No, there's a hefty fucking fee
1160
01:33:28,567 --> 01:33:32,435
And if you don't throw in
Your buck o'five
1161
01:33:32,638 --> 01:33:35,539
Who will?
1162
01:33:36,742 --> 01:33:38,505
Buck o'five
1163
01:33:38,711 --> 01:33:43,842
Freedom costs a buck o'five
1164
01:33:44,817 --> 01:33:47,308
Only a woman
1165
01:33:47,520 --> 01:33:51,456
Can brighten up my day
1166
01:33:51,657 --> 01:33:53,989
Only a woman
1167
01:33:54,193 --> 01:33:58,357
Can touch me the right way
Yeah
1168
01:33:58,564 --> 01:34:00,691
Only a woman
1169
01:34:00,900 --> 01:34:05,132
Is allowed to touch me there
1170
01:34:05,337 --> 01:34:11,173
All I ask
Is that you're a woman
1171
01:34:12,111 --> 01:34:16,309
I'm so ronery
1172
01:34:16,515 --> 01:34:18,380
So ronery
1173
01:34:18,584 --> 01:34:22,418
So ronery and sadry arone
1174
01:34:22,621 --> 01:34:26,921
There's no one
Just me onry
1175
01:34:27,126 --> 01:34:30,823
Sitting on my rittle throne
1176
01:34:31,030 --> 01:34:35,228
I work rearry hard
And make up great prans
1177
01:34:35,434 --> 01:34:39,495
But nobody ristens
No one understands
1178
01:34:39,705 --> 01:34:46,110
Seems rike no one
Takes me seriousry
1179
01:34:46,312 --> 01:34:47,870
And so
1180
01:34:48,080 --> 01:34:51,447
I'm ronery
1181
01:34:51,650 --> 01:34:54,050
A rittle ronery
1182
01:34:54,253 --> 01:34:59,885
Poor rittle me
1183
01:35:10,136 --> 01:35:14,971
I need you like Ben Affleck
Needs acting school
1184
01:35:15,174 --> 01:35:18,302
He was terrible in that film
1185
01:35:18,544 --> 01:35:23,140
I need you like Cuba Gooding
Needed a bigger part
1186
01:35:23,349 --> 01:35:27,445
He's way better than Ben Affleck
And now
1187
01:35:27,653 --> 01:35:34,058
All I can think about is your smile
And that shitty movie too
1188
01:35:34,260 --> 01:35:36,785
Pearl Harbor sucked
1189
01:35:36,996 --> 01:35:41,399
And I miss you
1190
01:35:47,706 --> 01:35:54,009
Why does Michael Bay
Get to keep on making movies?
1191
01:35:54,213 --> 01:35:58,240
I guess Pearl Harbor sucked
1192
01:35:58,851 --> 01:36:04,653
Just a little bit more
Than I miss you
1193
01:36:11,664 --> 01:36:14,189
Show a lot of things
Happening at once
1194
01:36:14,400 --> 01:36:17,961
- Remind everyone of what's going on
- What's going on
1195
01:36:18,170 --> 01:36:20,798
And with every shot
Show a little improvement
1196
01:36:21,006 --> 01:36:23,474
To show it all would take too long
1197
01:36:23,676 --> 01:36:26,543
- That's called a montage
- Montage
1198
01:36:26,745 --> 01:36:30,306
- Girl, we want a montage
- Montage
1199
01:36:30,516 --> 01:36:36,455
In anything, if you want to go
From just a beginner to a pro
1200
01:36:36,655 --> 01:36:39,021
- You need a montage
- Montage
1201
01:36:39,225 --> 01:36:43,457
- Even Rocky had a montage
- Montage
1202
01:36:43,662 --> 01:36:49,191
- Always fade out in a montage
- Montage
1203
01:36:49,401 --> 01:36:52,063
If you fade out it seems like
More time has passed
1204
01:36:52,271 --> 01:36:56,332
I was sent from planet Gyron
To conquer the Earth
1205
01:36:56,542 --> 01:37:00,137
I had a terrific pran
I thought it would work
1206
01:37:00,346 --> 01:37:03,838
Tried to get the earthrings
All to kill each other, you see
1207
01:37:04,049 --> 01:37:08,349
But it all went wrong
And now I must decree
1208
01:37:08,554 --> 01:37:13,048
You are worthress, Arec Barrwin
You are worthress, Arec Barrwin
1209
01:37:13,259 --> 01:37:17,093
You failed in every way
And now my stock in you has farren
1210
01:37:17,296 --> 01:37:20,754
Your career is starring
And you're worthress, Arec Barrwin
1211
01:37:20,966 --> 01:37:26,336
That's why I brew your head off
And your children are all bawring
1212
01:37:26,538 --> 01:37:30,838
Pranet Gyron is inhabited
With Zypods rike me
1213
01:37:31,043 --> 01:37:34,774
But also with Barmacks
Who are giant bees
1214
01:37:34,980 --> 01:37:38,575
The Zypods and the Barmacks
Are at constant war
1215
01:37:38,784 --> 01:37:43,278
So we wanted a new home
And that's what Earth was for
1216
01:37:43,489 --> 01:37:48,426
But you are worthress, Arec Barrwin
You are worthress, Arec Barrwin
1217
01:37:48,627 --> 01:37:50,060
You fucked up my whole pran
1218
01:37:50,262 --> 01:37:53,095
And now Gyron is smeared
With Barmack porren
1219
01:37:53,299 --> 01:37:57,030
Your garbage needs some hauring
And you're worthress, Arec Barrwin
1220
01:37:57,236 --> 01:38:00,433
Now I must return home a failure
1221
01:38:00,639 --> 01:38:06,908
I'm afraid the Pit of Cryrock
Is carring
1222
01:38:07,305 --> 01:39:07,402
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