1 00:00:06,000 --> 00:00:12,074 Advertise your product or brand here contact www.OpenSubtitles.org today 2 00:03:37,105 --> 00:03:39,571 Wake up, sleepyhead. It's sunset. 3 00:03:46,114 --> 00:03:48,478 Board of Education Chairman... 4 00:03:49,751 --> 00:03:53,150 - Good evening, Sebastian. - Good evening, Countess. 5 00:04:08,069 --> 00:04:09,761 Austrian peasant. 6 00:04:14,376 --> 00:04:15,841 Early 1700s... 7 00:04:16,244 --> 00:04:17,675 O-positive. 8 00:04:17,879 --> 00:04:19,344 Very nice... 9 00:04:20,282 --> 00:04:22,851 but not vintage, and certainly not virgin. 10 00:04:22,951 --> 00:04:26,021 Virgin blood isn't easy to come by these days, Countess. 11 00:04:26,121 --> 00:04:27,848 You're telling me. 12 00:04:31,893 --> 00:04:34,894 How many days left till Halloween, Sebastian? 13 00:04:35,964 --> 00:04:39,727 Little more than a week, Countess. I told you not to worry. 14 00:04:40,001 --> 00:04:41,534 Not to worry? 15 00:04:42,170 --> 00:04:43,635 How amusing. 16 00:04:44,539 --> 00:04:47,809 You're not the one that has to have the virgin blood of a young man... 17 00:04:47,909 --> 00:04:51,775 not once, but three times before All Hallows' Eve. 18 00:04:52,480 --> 00:04:54,013 Not to worry? 19 00:04:54,382 --> 00:04:58,077 Being a vampire in the 20th century is a nightmare! 20 00:05:05,126 --> 00:05:09,026 Did we get up on the wrong side of the coffin this evening? 21 00:05:16,004 --> 00:05:18,163 Must be the delegation from below. 22 00:05:22,110 --> 00:05:24,178 You, wipe your feet. 23 00:05:26,848 --> 00:05:31,112 After 120 years, you still have Georgia clay on your boots. 24 00:05:32,387 --> 00:05:36,150 You're a long way from Covent Garden. Your report? 25 00:05:36,257 --> 00:05:38,960 Countess, we've been all over this metropolis. 26 00:05:39,060 --> 00:05:41,162 With nothing to show for it? 27 00:05:41,262 --> 00:05:44,299 Do you realize that it's less than 10 days until Halloween? 28 00:05:44,399 --> 00:05:49,300 Times have changed. When you found me, it was 1864. Virginity was still popular. 29 00:05:50,972 --> 00:05:53,336 Stop being so damned negative. 30 00:05:54,109 --> 00:05:56,411 There must be a virgin out there. Find him! 31 00:05:56,511 --> 00:05:58,780 Unless the Countess gets what she must have... 32 00:05:58,880 --> 00:06:02,541 you lose your refuge and her protection. Is that clear? 33 00:06:03,852 --> 00:06:07,046 The closest we've come so far is an 11-year-old. 34 00:06:07,188 --> 00:06:08,990 Don't be disgusting. 35 00:06:09,090 --> 00:06:13,024 No more excuses! She's heard them all. She wants action. 36 00:06:13,595 --> 00:06:15,458 And she wants it now. 37 00:06:19,167 --> 00:06:22,134 Get out there and find me a virgin! 38 00:06:25,106 --> 00:06:27,299 I want to, I really do. 39 00:06:28,276 --> 00:06:29,843 Robin, please! 40 00:06:30,278 --> 00:06:33,870 Mark, we've been through this sex thing a million times. 41 00:06:34,249 --> 00:06:36,817 Halfway through it a million times. 42 00:06:37,619 --> 00:06:40,288 It's what people do when they are in love. 43 00:06:40,388 --> 00:06:42,424 It's natural. It's right. 44 00:06:42,524 --> 00:06:46,287 It's not natural for me to do it in a car. 45 00:06:47,662 --> 00:06:49,857 What about an ice-cream truck? 46 00:07:12,153 --> 00:07:13,311 What? 47 00:07:13,421 --> 00:07:15,489 Do you have a creamsicle? 48 00:07:16,257 --> 00:07:19,349 Take a hike! We're closed for renovations. 49 00:07:41,649 --> 00:07:42,651 Jeez. 50 00:07:42,751 --> 00:07:44,944 Sorry. I'll put it in third. 51 00:07:50,925 --> 00:07:52,458 Look, Mark... 52 00:07:52,660 --> 00:07:54,990 I want to. I really do. 53 00:07:55,797 --> 00:07:57,990 But I want it to be special. 54 00:08:12,413 --> 00:08:13,878 Sorry. 55 00:08:16,751 --> 00:08:18,478 Please understand. 56 00:08:23,424 --> 00:08:24,582 Shit. 57 00:09:07,669 --> 00:09:09,838 Based on my broad and varied experience... 58 00:09:09,938 --> 00:09:12,440 I'm telling you, girls have a six-year cutoff time. 59 00:09:12,540 --> 00:09:16,542 If they haven't put out in the first six years, they figure, "why bother?" 60 00:09:17,212 --> 00:09:20,315 No. She just thinks if it's good, it can wait. 61 00:09:20,415 --> 00:09:24,173 Oh, yeah? Look at me. I'm good. I can't wait. 62 00:09:28,089 --> 00:09:31,784 - You call that well-done? It's still meowing. - It's burnt. 63 00:09:33,328 --> 00:09:36,197 I don't know. There's too much pressure about getting laid. 64 00:09:36,297 --> 00:09:38,893 It's like taking a driver's test for manhood. 65 00:09:39,901 --> 00:09:43,429 I don't know. I don't know what I'm doing wrong. 66 00:09:43,872 --> 00:09:47,203 Right now, I'm as close to physical perfection as I'm gonna get. 67 00:09:47,609 --> 00:09:50,542 That's depressing. Really depressing. 68 00:09:51,279 --> 00:09:55,850 Sometimes I think I should just go out, find some strange woman and get laid. 69 00:09:55,950 --> 00:09:59,747 Then I could go back to Robin without all this pressure between us. 70 00:10:11,466 --> 00:10:13,295 Now that's a burger! 71 00:10:15,703 --> 00:10:17,939 We should check out some of the bars in Hollywood. 72 00:10:18,039 --> 00:10:20,074 I don't want to do that. 73 00:10:20,174 --> 00:10:22,177 - That's where all the weirdoes are. - Exactly. 74 00:10:22,277 --> 00:10:24,746 Because that's where all the action is. 75 00:10:24,846 --> 00:10:27,782 We might as well. Nothing ever happens here. 76 00:10:27,882 --> 00:10:30,177 We live in a sexual wasteland. 77 00:10:30,385 --> 00:10:32,053 What if Robin finds out? 78 00:10:32,153 --> 00:10:34,414 Who's gonna tell her? Not me. 79 00:10:37,825 --> 00:10:40,161 Come on. I wouldn't say nothing. 80 00:10:40,261 --> 00:10:43,057 Not if she got down on her knees and... 81 00:10:45,400 --> 00:10:46,694 Get out! 82 00:13:38,673 --> 00:13:41,173 We'll have three beers, all around. 83 00:13:46,547 --> 00:13:47,773 Watch. 84 00:14:07,034 --> 00:14:08,431 Number 17. 85 00:14:12,540 --> 00:14:14,369 Hi there! Number 17? 86 00:14:14,909 --> 00:14:17,307 I'm Russ and I'm a Sagittarius. 87 00:14:17,678 --> 00:14:20,838 I enjoy surfing, candlelit dinners, and Tolstoy. 88 00:14:22,583 --> 00:14:26,949 Look, I'm a mature person, and you are a mature person, so... 89 00:14:28,489 --> 00:14:30,079 She said, "Come on over!" 90 00:14:31,392 --> 00:14:33,119 You got it, honey. 91 00:14:35,930 --> 00:14:37,497 Don't wait up. 92 00:14:44,672 --> 00:14:45,773 Hi there, Russ. 93 00:14:45,873 --> 00:14:47,770 - Hi. - Sit down. 94 00:14:48,843 --> 00:14:52,936 A Sagittarius! Dynamite! I'm a Gemini. 95 00:14:53,414 --> 00:14:56,074 Hey, man, do you know what that means? 96 00:14:56,551 --> 00:14:57,879 Like H2O! 97 00:15:01,689 --> 00:15:03,256 Are you a guy? 98 00:15:04,659 --> 00:15:06,249 Does it matter? 99 00:15:11,132 --> 00:15:12,358 Sissy. 100 00:15:20,007 --> 00:15:23,311 Want to leave now? This place is stupid. 101 00:15:23,411 --> 00:15:26,173 Are you kidding? We haven't scored yet. 102 00:15:26,547 --> 00:15:29,207 Score? Not here, that's for sure. 103 00:15:29,917 --> 00:15:31,575 Look around you. 104 00:15:31,752 --> 00:15:34,155 Yuppie city. 105 00:15:34,255 --> 00:15:36,448 You got it. We don't belong. 106 00:15:41,495 --> 00:15:43,028 Studs "R" Us. 107 00:15:44,232 --> 00:15:46,061 Number four at the bar. 108 00:15:50,238 --> 00:15:52,932 Am I sitting in the middle, wearing a red tie? 109 00:15:54,875 --> 00:15:57,411 She wants you to have a drink with her. 110 00:15:57,511 --> 00:16:00,671 - He'll be right there. - All right, move it, man! 111 00:16:01,082 --> 00:16:02,950 I don't feel good about this. 112 00:16:03,050 --> 00:16:05,914 Come on, go for it. Live dangerously... 113 00:16:06,287 --> 00:16:07,354 stud! 114 00:16:07,455 --> 00:16:09,113 All right. Okay. 115 00:16:09,290 --> 00:16:10,584 Come on. 116 00:16:28,476 --> 00:16:29,873 Go for it! 117 00:16:53,968 --> 00:16:56,559 Hello, tall, dark and handsome. 118 00:16:59,140 --> 00:17:00,229 Me? 119 00:17:01,008 --> 00:17:02,097 Hi. 120 00:17:02,843 --> 00:17:04,535 What's your name? 121 00:17:05,146 --> 00:17:06,975 Mark Kendall. 122 00:17:12,586 --> 00:17:14,517 Can I buy you a drink? 123 00:17:14,855 --> 00:17:18,049 I was hoping you would share my champagne. 124 00:17:19,126 --> 00:17:20,454 Oh, yeah. 125 00:17:28,102 --> 00:17:29,499 What's your name? 126 00:17:30,104 --> 00:17:32,934 - Just call me "Countess." - "Countess"? 127 00:17:35,776 --> 00:17:39,471 That's great. I like that. I had a dog named King once. 128 00:17:50,925 --> 00:17:52,356 Thirty-two. 129 00:17:55,162 --> 00:17:56,764 Do you come here often? 130 00:17:56,864 --> 00:17:58,955 This is my first time. 131 00:17:59,333 --> 00:18:01,298 Beautiful. Great place. 132 00:18:08,376 --> 00:18:10,341 Do you come here a lot? 133 00:18:10,878 --> 00:18:12,969 Whenever I'm on the prowl. 134 00:18:18,352 --> 00:18:20,283 How old are you? 135 00:18:22,356 --> 00:18:24,117 Me? 21. 136 00:18:25,659 --> 00:18:27,317 How old are you? 137 00:18:27,762 --> 00:18:29,363 Older than you think. 138 00:18:29,463 --> 00:18:32,361 That's okay. I look young for my age, too. 139 00:18:32,800 --> 00:18:35,164 People say I could pass for 18. 140 00:18:43,744 --> 00:18:45,146 ...the horse threw me. 141 00:18:45,246 --> 00:18:48,042 Whore! Caught in the act, you pedophile! 142 00:18:49,417 --> 00:18:52,687 Why don't you sit down so we can discuss this like mature... 143 00:18:52,787 --> 00:18:54,479 Shut up, scumbag! 144 00:18:56,757 --> 00:18:57,789 So... 145 00:18:58,058 --> 00:18:59,716 you're Chester! 146 00:19:02,163 --> 00:19:04,999 I think there's been a little misunderstanding. I'm not... 147 00:19:05,099 --> 00:19:08,191 I wouldn't sit in the same room with you, degenerate. 148 00:19:08,602 --> 00:19:11,339 - I'm Jamie... - I wouldn't live in the same city! 149 00:19:11,439 --> 00:19:15,242 We just came here to get some girls tonight. I mean, meet some girls. 150 00:19:15,342 --> 00:19:17,812 Mark's got an ice-cream truck, and we came down. 151 00:19:17,912 --> 00:19:20,414 We heard this was a swinging place, that's all. 152 00:19:20,514 --> 00:19:22,980 Figures. A kid! A degenerate kid! 153 00:19:23,150 --> 00:19:25,810 Pornographer! I've read your letters! 154 00:19:28,522 --> 00:19:31,025 - I wouldn't. - They're my friends. 155 00:19:31,125 --> 00:19:34,092 They can handle it. Don't do anything rash. 156 00:19:37,398 --> 00:19:39,932 - You make me sick. - Shut up, Harry. 157 00:19:40,034 --> 00:19:42,193 Filth! That's what this is. 158 00:19:44,004 --> 00:19:46,173 You slime, this is private! 159 00:19:46,273 --> 00:19:47,806 We better get out of here. 160 00:19:49,009 --> 00:19:50,978 How dare you write this filth to my wife! 161 00:19:51,078 --> 00:19:53,848 This is a big misunderstanding. I didn't write anything... 162 00:19:53,948 --> 00:19:57,108 - This is a big mistake on your part. - He's got a gun! 163 00:19:58,886 --> 00:20:00,317 Oh, my God! 164 00:20:04,091 --> 00:20:07,217 Don't hang up. It happens all the time. 165 00:20:07,495 --> 00:20:08,823 Let's go. 166 00:20:21,475 --> 00:20:24,738 Neither one of us can afford to spend the night in jail. 167 00:20:26,213 --> 00:20:27,803 Countess! Sir! 168 00:20:30,784 --> 00:20:33,020 Wait, my truck! My ice-cream truck! 169 00:20:33,120 --> 00:20:35,556 I know where it's parked. Give me the key. 170 00:20:35,656 --> 00:20:38,452 You don't want to end up in the slammer. 171 00:20:46,634 --> 00:20:49,965 - Daddy hurt his parts. - Daddy was bad. 172 00:20:56,977 --> 00:20:59,375 Is that a new kind of choke hold? 173 00:21:03,050 --> 00:21:05,141 See, I told you we'd get lucky. 174 00:22:06,614 --> 00:22:10,172 Is there anything you need? Food? Drinks? 175 00:22:11,018 --> 00:22:12,244 A bib? 176 00:22:13,320 --> 00:22:15,911 Thank you, no, Sebastian. 177 00:22:35,242 --> 00:22:37,105 This is a nice house. 178 00:22:37,811 --> 00:22:40,381 Don't see a lot of mansions where I live. 179 00:22:40,481 --> 00:22:41,649 We just moved in. 180 00:22:41,749 --> 00:22:45,842 The previous owner slaughtered his family, and then hung himself. 181 00:22:46,520 --> 00:22:48,144 You must've got it cheap. 182 00:22:48,288 --> 00:22:50,049 Except for the cleaning bill. 183 00:22:50,324 --> 00:22:51,725 May I get you a drink? 184 00:22:51,825 --> 00:22:54,052 I have to ask you something. 185 00:22:54,228 --> 00:22:56,023 I was wondering... 186 00:22:57,364 --> 00:22:59,227 Are you a prostitute? 187 00:23:02,770 --> 00:23:05,168 I'm whatever you want me to be. 188 00:23:05,973 --> 00:23:08,234 Good, because I only have $5. 189 00:23:25,392 --> 00:23:26,982 What would you like? 190 00:23:28,062 --> 00:23:29,720 The same as you. 191 00:23:41,075 --> 00:23:42,403 Try this. 192 00:23:43,477 --> 00:23:47,014 I'm gonna slip into something a little more comfortable. 193 00:23:47,114 --> 00:23:49,205 - I'll be right back. - Okay. 194 00:24:23,150 --> 00:24:25,718 Okay, Sebastian. Out of the closet. 195 00:24:27,554 --> 00:24:30,316 I came out of the closet centuries ago. 196 00:24:30,457 --> 00:24:32,821 Very amusing. Come on, help me. 197 00:24:40,100 --> 00:24:42,102 Make me lovely. 198 00:24:42,202 --> 00:24:44,202 Have I ever failed you? 199 00:24:47,775 --> 00:24:50,639 - How's my hair? - Like golden wheat. 200 00:24:51,945 --> 00:24:53,239 My eyes? 201 00:24:53,547 --> 00:24:55,205 Bright as Venus. 202 00:24:55,916 --> 00:24:59,417 I'm so excited. It's as if I were young again. 203 00:25:00,387 --> 00:25:04,719 And so you shall be, lovey. I told you not to worry. 204 00:25:43,797 --> 00:25:45,728 I see you've made yourself at home. 205 00:25:46,433 --> 00:25:48,125 That's very nice. 206 00:25:48,368 --> 00:25:52,268 Did you... Did they do that over at the shopping mall? 207 00:25:52,773 --> 00:25:53,862 No. 208 00:25:55,275 --> 00:25:58,105 That was done a long time ago in Europe. 209 00:25:59,379 --> 00:26:01,344 Why don't you sit here? 210 00:26:02,149 --> 00:26:03,944 Sure. 211 00:26:16,763 --> 00:26:19,457 What do you do for a living? 212 00:26:20,100 --> 00:26:22,134 I go to school. College. 213 00:26:23,403 --> 00:26:26,301 I'm studying to be an electrical engineer. 214 00:26:26,473 --> 00:26:28,734 Fascinating. 215 00:26:29,710 --> 00:26:32,279 - My field is nuclear physics. - Really? 216 00:26:32,379 --> 00:26:35,039 I'm working on the acid rain problem. 217 00:26:35,782 --> 00:26:37,747 I love intelligent men. 218 00:26:39,419 --> 00:26:41,578 I guess they're okay. 219 00:26:49,997 --> 00:26:52,122 This place is great. I mean... 220 00:26:53,166 --> 00:26:55,791 It's beautiful. I mean, the... 221 00:26:56,870 --> 00:26:58,733 Who decorated it, anyway? 222 00:26:59,273 --> 00:27:00,499 I did. 223 00:27:01,141 --> 00:27:02,367 Great. 224 00:27:02,476 --> 00:27:04,737 Pillows, and everything. Nice. 225 00:27:05,545 --> 00:27:08,849 I mean, you know, most people don't do things... 226 00:27:08,949 --> 00:27:10,983 and I think that... 227 00:27:11,585 --> 00:27:13,987 I mean, that's... They... You do. 228 00:27:14,087 --> 00:27:17,024 I mean, you do. You're a doer. 229 00:27:17,124 --> 00:27:19,385 I mean, you are a doer. 230 00:27:21,728 --> 00:27:23,193 You're a... 231 00:27:23,764 --> 00:27:25,532 Beautiful dress, too. 232 00:27:25,632 --> 00:27:27,768 I guess you made that yourself. 233 00:27:27,868 --> 00:27:30,537 I bet my mom would love to borrow the pattern. 234 00:27:30,637 --> 00:27:33,205 I mean, my mom, she's great. 235 00:27:34,641 --> 00:27:36,844 I have a picture of my family in my wallet. 236 00:27:36,944 --> 00:27:39,945 You might take a look, as long as you're down there. 237 00:27:41,048 --> 00:27:44,379 There's some Life Savers in that other pocket, there. 238 00:28:14,181 --> 00:28:17,217 What's he like? Another crazy we don't need? 239 00:28:17,317 --> 00:28:18,418 Is he cute? 240 00:28:18,518 --> 00:28:20,754 Kind of a square. Sort of a jock. 241 00:28:20,854 --> 00:28:22,114 Enough! 242 00:28:22,389 --> 00:28:25,893 Our new young recruit will be joining us for Halloween. 243 00:28:25,993 --> 00:28:29,196 Countess expects you all to take him under your wings... 244 00:28:29,296 --> 00:28:32,399 and make him feel at home for the first hundred years. 245 00:28:32,499 --> 00:28:33,934 You got that? 246 00:28:34,034 --> 00:28:36,625 She found a virgin! We're home free. 247 00:28:38,472 --> 00:28:40,374 I remember when I met the Countess. 248 00:28:40,474 --> 00:28:43,338 The day she bit me was the sweetest day of my young life. 249 00:28:44,344 --> 00:28:46,935 There's an inch of dust under there. 250 00:28:56,323 --> 00:28:58,125 How come he rates that deluxe job? 251 00:28:58,225 --> 00:29:00,054 These are the 1980s. 252 00:29:00,560 --> 00:29:03,151 Not the Age of Innocence. 253 00:29:04,898 --> 00:29:07,364 A young man needs plenty of room. 254 00:29:08,635 --> 00:29:12,398 Sunrise in an hour. I suggest that you all... 255 00:29:13,006 --> 00:29:14,698 get an early day. 256 00:29:31,091 --> 00:29:33,819 - Good day, Sebastian. - Good day. 257 00:29:34,361 --> 00:29:37,624 Good night, Sebastian. 258 00:29:57,017 --> 00:29:58,516 He's still asleep. 259 00:30:00,587 --> 00:30:02,018 How was he? 260 00:30:02,589 --> 00:30:03,986 Delicious. 261 00:30:04,157 --> 00:30:06,521 Are you positive he's a virgin? 262 00:30:06,993 --> 00:30:11,393 I haven't had anything this pure since the Vienna Boys' Choir hit town. 263 00:30:12,365 --> 00:30:14,990 Just make sure he doesn't slip away. 264 00:30:15,769 --> 00:30:17,564 He won't escape me. 265 00:30:18,205 --> 00:30:19,706 What'll we do with him? 266 00:30:19,806 --> 00:30:22,966 We can't very well put him down with the others yet. 267 00:30:23,076 --> 00:30:26,179 Heavens, no. Let him go home and build up his strength. 268 00:30:26,279 --> 00:30:28,643 Tired blood is of no use to me. 269 00:30:46,766 --> 00:30:48,731 Are you feeling better? 270 00:30:51,004 --> 00:30:53,800 Sebastian brought you some orange juice. 271 00:31:01,381 --> 00:31:02,505 Sir. 272 00:31:05,485 --> 00:31:06,882 Thank you. 273 00:31:09,756 --> 00:31:12,791 I'll just go check on the gentleman's truck. 274 00:31:28,975 --> 00:31:30,565 What happened? 275 00:31:31,111 --> 00:31:33,179 Do you remember anything? 276 00:31:34,214 --> 00:31:35,747 Not much. 277 00:31:36,683 --> 00:31:38,751 I had the weirdest dream. 278 00:31:40,053 --> 00:31:42,923 You know those little packets of fresh fruit juice... 279 00:31:43,023 --> 00:31:47,492 made out of tin foil, where you stick little straws in them to open them? 280 00:31:50,530 --> 00:31:53,394 I think I dreamt that I was one of those. 281 00:31:56,069 --> 00:31:58,103 What did happen, anyway? 282 00:32:02,676 --> 00:32:04,403 Let's just say... 283 00:32:05,078 --> 00:32:07,009 you earned your juice. 284 00:32:08,081 --> 00:32:10,376 - I did? - You certainly did. 285 00:32:10,884 --> 00:32:13,111 Really? That's great. 286 00:32:13,520 --> 00:32:16,282 I don't believe it. It finally happened. 287 00:32:16,957 --> 00:32:18,547 Did I enjoy it? 288 00:32:29,069 --> 00:32:31,763 We'll be seeing each other again soon? 289 00:32:33,707 --> 00:32:34,865 Yeah. 290 00:32:37,777 --> 00:32:39,346 I have a bit of a problem. 291 00:32:39,446 --> 00:32:41,309 - A problem? - Yeah. 292 00:32:44,317 --> 00:32:46,749 See, I'm sort of committed... 293 00:32:47,187 --> 00:32:49,255 to this really nice girl. 294 00:32:51,958 --> 00:32:53,160 I don't mind. 295 00:32:53,260 --> 00:32:55,658 I've often been the other woman. 296 00:32:56,463 --> 00:32:58,724 That's real unselfish of you. 297 00:32:58,999 --> 00:33:01,397 Tell you what, I'll be in touch. 298 00:33:04,904 --> 00:33:06,437 Later, blood. 299 00:33:16,616 --> 00:33:19,014 Start your day off with a smile. 300 00:33:21,154 --> 00:33:22,846 How sweet of you. 301 00:33:26,760 --> 00:33:28,361 Drive carefully. 302 00:33:28,461 --> 00:33:31,587 Remember, part of you belongs to me now. 303 00:33:31,931 --> 00:33:34,124 I'll see you in your dreams. 304 00:33:34,868 --> 00:33:36,299 Sure thing. 305 00:34:16,676 --> 00:34:18,641 Rare hamburger, please. 306 00:34:20,046 --> 00:34:21,773 Very rare, please. 307 00:34:23,750 --> 00:34:26,444 Can I have one of those uncooked ones? 308 00:34:34,561 --> 00:34:35,787 Right. 309 00:34:46,639 --> 00:34:48,366 Hey, stud. 310 00:34:50,810 --> 00:34:55,015 What happened to you guys Saturday night? I called you Sunday, but you were out. 311 00:34:55,115 --> 00:34:57,117 It was a total disaster. 312 00:34:57,217 --> 00:35:00,343 I don't know. The strip search was kind of fun. 313 00:35:00,754 --> 00:35:03,982 But, hey, how about you? Did you go for the pokey? 314 00:35:04,991 --> 00:35:06,893 I don't want to talk about it. 315 00:35:06,993 --> 00:35:09,391 You did it with her, didn't you? 316 00:35:10,296 --> 00:35:13,854 - I guess. - Jesus, God, those breasts! 317 00:35:15,568 --> 00:35:20,002 Has it changed you any? I mean, do you feel more manly or mature? 318 00:35:20,907 --> 00:35:25,211 It was all a big mistake. I was so drunk, I don't remember much, you know. 319 00:35:25,311 --> 00:35:29,177 Come on! Tell us what happened. Blow by beautiful blow! 320 00:35:29,649 --> 00:35:31,451 Did you undress her slowly... 321 00:35:31,551 --> 00:35:35,121 first baring her big, luscious magoombas? 322 00:35:35,221 --> 00:35:37,524 Did she have any tattoos or scars or anything? 323 00:35:37,624 --> 00:35:39,885 I told you, I don't remember! 324 00:35:41,161 --> 00:35:45,925 If you're so interested in my sexual failures, why don't you go have a few of your own? 325 00:35:49,302 --> 00:35:51,131 Robin, wait a second. 326 00:35:52,739 --> 00:35:56,297 Where'd you find her? A 7-Eleven, a bowling alley? 327 00:36:03,750 --> 00:36:05,340 Wait up! 328 00:36:09,189 --> 00:36:11,958 Saturday night, the three of us went up to Hollywood. 329 00:36:12,058 --> 00:36:13,126 Hollywood? 330 00:36:13,226 --> 00:36:15,317 It was Russ's stupid idea. 331 00:36:15,495 --> 00:36:20,294 You mean to tell me you went home with a woman you met in a bar in Hollywood? 332 00:36:23,603 --> 00:36:24,727 And? 333 00:36:25,472 --> 00:36:27,574 I don't want to talk about it. 334 00:36:27,674 --> 00:36:29,743 You didn't make love to her? 335 00:36:29,843 --> 00:36:31,611 I think so. I don't know. 336 00:36:31,711 --> 00:36:33,947 You think so? You don't know? 337 00:36:34,047 --> 00:36:36,349 I remember she bit the buttons off my shirt. 338 00:36:36,449 --> 00:36:39,386 The next thing I remember, Sebastian bringing me orange juice. 339 00:36:39,486 --> 00:36:41,611 - Sebastian? - The chauffeur. 340 00:36:42,422 --> 00:36:43,989 The chauffeur? 341 00:36:44,491 --> 00:36:46,292 Also like the butler, too. 342 00:36:46,392 --> 00:36:49,195 The butler? You mean they all saw her bite your buttons? 343 00:36:49,295 --> 00:36:50,384 No! 344 00:36:50,630 --> 00:36:53,597 I mean, I don't know what happened, exactly. 345 00:36:56,135 --> 00:36:59,839 I can't believe you'll throw away our relationship on a one-night stand... 346 00:36:59,939 --> 00:37:03,309 with a chauffeur and a butler and a slut who eats buttons. 347 00:37:03,409 --> 00:37:05,602 But you did, you really did. 348 00:37:07,180 --> 00:37:09,646 You can have your damn ring back! 349 00:37:10,250 --> 00:37:12,118 What am I supposed to do with it? 350 00:37:12,218 --> 00:37:14,081 Use your imagination. 351 00:37:32,405 --> 00:37:34,473 What are you doing? 352 00:37:34,641 --> 00:37:36,709 I'm dissecting this frog. 353 00:37:38,177 --> 00:37:40,905 But you're not a member of this class. 354 00:37:43,349 --> 00:37:44,643 I'm not? 355 00:37:44,951 --> 00:37:48,214 To my knowledge, you have never attended lab before. 356 00:37:51,724 --> 00:37:53,257 You're right. 357 00:37:57,230 --> 00:37:58,627 I'm sorry. 358 00:38:04,671 --> 00:38:05,897 There. 359 00:38:07,340 --> 00:38:08,998 He's still good. 360 00:38:26,092 --> 00:38:27,557 You in here? 361 00:38:35,168 --> 00:38:36,257 Hi. 362 00:38:42,408 --> 00:38:44,511 What are you doing in there? 363 00:38:44,611 --> 00:38:46,144 Taking a nap. 364 00:38:49,949 --> 00:38:51,851 Are you feeling all right? 365 00:38:51,951 --> 00:38:53,916 Sure, I feel fine. Why? 366 00:38:56,222 --> 00:38:59,382 Your mother thinks that you should see a doctor. 367 00:38:59,492 --> 00:39:01,227 You've been awful pale lately. 368 00:39:01,327 --> 00:39:03,196 We know you haven't been sleeping... 369 00:39:03,296 --> 00:39:06,661 because we can hear you pacing the house all night. 370 00:39:06,833 --> 00:39:08,368 I'm fine. Really. 371 00:39:08,468 --> 00:39:09,802 - Really? - Yeah. 372 00:39:09,902 --> 00:39:12,005 - I am a little tense. - Tense? 373 00:39:12,105 --> 00:39:14,307 Robin and I have been having some problems. 374 00:39:14,407 --> 00:39:17,533 I see. Everything is under control? 375 00:39:18,511 --> 00:39:19,669 Yeah. 376 00:39:23,816 --> 00:39:26,783 We'll see how you feel in a couple of days. 377 00:39:28,421 --> 00:39:30,716 Just get a good night's sleep. 378 00:39:35,328 --> 00:39:36,759 In the bed. 379 00:39:37,630 --> 00:39:39,061 You know... 380 00:39:39,198 --> 00:39:41,459 make your mother feel better. 381 00:39:46,706 --> 00:39:48,535 I'll close the door. 382 00:42:42,915 --> 00:42:44,917 What has Mark done with his hair? 383 00:42:45,017 --> 00:42:47,286 - I think it's cute. - It's weird. 384 00:42:47,386 --> 00:42:50,978 So, you and Mark broke up for good this time? 385 00:42:51,824 --> 00:42:53,619 I don't believe it. 386 00:42:53,759 --> 00:42:56,419 I thought he was different than other guys. 387 00:42:56,596 --> 00:42:59,732 - You know, more sensitive. - I like a sensitive man. 388 00:42:59,832 --> 00:43:03,493 One who isn't afraid to show his emotions or cry on your shoulder. 389 00:43:04,804 --> 00:43:06,166 Cracks me up. 390 00:43:06,606 --> 00:43:08,970 Can I talk to you for a second? 391 00:43:13,212 --> 00:43:16,516 I called you 10 times last night. Why didn't you talk? 392 00:43:16,616 --> 00:43:18,911 There's nothing to talk about. 393 00:43:19,085 --> 00:43:22,421 You go out behind my back, pick up a woman at a bar... 394 00:43:22,521 --> 00:43:25,057 go home with her, and then pretend nothing happened. 395 00:43:25,157 --> 00:43:27,293 I don't want to talk about that. 396 00:43:27,393 --> 00:43:29,654 That's not fair. I was drunk. 397 00:43:30,062 --> 00:43:32,653 That's exactly what I'm talking about. 398 00:43:32,765 --> 00:43:35,197 You're not the Mark I thought I knew. 399 00:43:36,002 --> 00:43:37,570 Look at your hair, even. 400 00:43:37,670 --> 00:43:39,795 You look like Jerry Lewis. 401 00:43:39,939 --> 00:43:42,234 I thought I looked more like De Niro. 402 00:43:43,509 --> 00:43:45,099 It looks weird. 403 00:43:45,645 --> 00:43:49,511 I'm sorry, okay? It's not supposed to be a fashion statement. 404 00:43:50,316 --> 00:43:52,884 I made a stupid mistake. I'm sorry. 405 00:43:53,519 --> 00:43:56,952 I'm a teenager. I'm supposed to make stupid mistakes. 406 00:43:57,356 --> 00:44:00,254 I wouldn't try to hurt you. You know that. 407 00:44:02,828 --> 00:44:04,764 I guess that's why I've been so mad. 408 00:44:04,864 --> 00:44:08,525 It's because I think maybe you did what you did because of me. 409 00:44:09,201 --> 00:44:12,896 - Because I was making you so frustrated. - You weren't. 410 00:44:14,073 --> 00:44:17,410 You were, but you're supposed to. That's part of being a teenage girl. 411 00:44:17,510 --> 00:44:21,102 You're supposed to say no, and I am supposed to get pissed off. 412 00:44:21,948 --> 00:44:24,312 You make it sound like the '50s. 413 00:44:26,419 --> 00:44:28,578 I guess I'm an old-fashioned guy. 414 00:44:30,356 --> 00:44:32,788 I really want to do it. 415 00:44:33,359 --> 00:44:37,486 That's what's so funny. I think I want to do it as much as you do. 416 00:44:38,097 --> 00:44:40,028 There's no such thing. 417 00:44:40,199 --> 00:44:42,494 I just have to know I'm ready. 418 00:44:42,768 --> 00:44:45,666 And I'll know. And I swear I'll tell you. 419 00:44:48,407 --> 00:44:49,531 God. 420 00:44:56,115 --> 00:44:58,911 Okay, Sebastian, out of the closet. Now. 421 00:44:59,952 --> 00:45:03,055 I thought I heard noises. I was checking for prowlers. 422 00:45:03,155 --> 00:45:05,191 In a $100 scarf, perhaps? 423 00:45:05,291 --> 00:45:07,552 You bought it for $49.99. 424 00:45:10,563 --> 00:45:14,300 Do you mind if we don't go barhopping tonight? I'm exhausted. 425 00:45:14,400 --> 00:45:16,832 I'm 390 years old. 426 00:45:17,269 --> 00:45:19,564 400, if you're a day. 427 00:45:19,739 --> 00:45:23,775 What's the difference? I'm so old, I can't remember my own sign. 428 00:45:23,943 --> 00:45:28,673 You'll feel much more secure when Mark has given you your second transfusion. 429 00:45:28,781 --> 00:45:30,872 Life used to be so simple. 430 00:45:31,417 --> 00:45:33,819 All one had to do to get a good meal... 431 00:45:33,919 --> 00:45:37,056 was go out in the field and pick up a shepherd or two. 432 00:45:37,156 --> 00:45:39,859 Remember the look of terror in a peasant's eyes... 433 00:45:39,959 --> 00:45:41,788 when you'd swoop down on him? 434 00:45:43,763 --> 00:45:45,228 And plagues. 435 00:45:46,198 --> 00:45:48,596 Whole cities infested with rats. 436 00:45:49,001 --> 00:45:51,797 People respected the power of a vampire. 437 00:45:54,807 --> 00:45:57,576 It's been three days. Do you think we ought to go find Mark? 438 00:45:57,676 --> 00:46:00,370 Are you suggesting we invade suburbia? 439 00:46:01,247 --> 00:46:03,975 Bowling alleys, RVs... 440 00:46:04,450 --> 00:46:06,279 Chicken McNuggets? 441 00:46:34,847 --> 00:46:36,414 A laundromat? 442 00:46:36,682 --> 00:46:40,186 There's no better place to pick up on lonely, bored women. 443 00:46:40,286 --> 00:46:44,623 You can always tell what you're getting into by checking out their underwear first. 444 00:46:44,723 --> 00:46:48,027 I swear you guys are insane. You've lost your minds. 445 00:46:48,127 --> 00:46:51,864 What you know about women would fill an atom-sized piece of toilet paper. 446 00:46:51,964 --> 00:46:54,726 - Oh, yeah? We'll see. - All right. We'll see. 447 00:46:55,201 --> 00:46:57,895 - See you later. - Later. Come on, Jamie. 448 00:46:58,871 --> 00:47:00,165 Come on! 449 00:47:12,518 --> 00:47:15,348 Okay, now remember, you ease over... 450 00:47:16,122 --> 00:47:18,491 you check out the hamper... 451 00:47:18,591 --> 00:47:21,127 and then make your move, okay? 452 00:47:21,227 --> 00:47:23,090 All right. Let's go. 453 00:47:24,530 --> 00:47:26,393 - Wait a minute. - What? 454 00:47:27,566 --> 00:47:29,402 What do I do if I get lucky? 455 00:47:29,502 --> 00:47:32,204 - Come on, we've been over this 100 times. - I know. 456 00:47:32,304 --> 00:47:35,237 Okay. Do you have enough money for a motel room? 457 00:47:35,407 --> 00:47:36,308 Yeah. 458 00:47:36,408 --> 00:47:37,877 - You do? - Yeah. 459 00:47:37,977 --> 00:47:40,568 - Okay, do you have protection? - Yeah. 460 00:47:43,048 --> 00:47:45,548 You intend to invite four friends? 461 00:47:46,218 --> 00:47:48,684 I didn't know what size I'd need. 462 00:47:48,921 --> 00:47:50,352 Try petite. 463 00:47:50,723 --> 00:47:52,222 Now come on. 464 00:47:55,961 --> 00:47:57,296 Come on, Jamie. 465 00:47:57,396 --> 00:48:00,294 - Maybe we should come back later. - Come on! 466 00:48:04,937 --> 00:48:06,368 - Hi. - Hello. 467 00:48:08,073 --> 00:48:10,176 I was wondering if you needed any help... 468 00:48:10,276 --> 00:48:13,311 folding your undergarments or anything? 469 00:48:18,951 --> 00:48:20,279 Hi, there. 470 00:48:21,687 --> 00:48:24,051 I'm Russ and I'm a Sagittarius. 471 00:48:25,057 --> 00:48:28,251 I enjoy surfing, candlelit dinners, and Tolstoy. 472 00:48:31,197 --> 00:48:34,433 I'm a mature person, and you're a mature person. 473 00:48:34,533 --> 00:48:37,796 So why don't we just skip all the bullshit... 474 00:48:38,103 --> 00:48:40,398 get rid of our inhibitions... 475 00:48:40,806 --> 00:48:43,636 and do what we really want to do? 476 00:48:44,009 --> 00:48:45,736 Sounds good to me. 477 00:48:46,645 --> 00:48:48,347 Why don't we go to your place? 478 00:48:48,447 --> 00:48:51,617 I'll tie you up on your bed. I'd love to whip you. 479 00:48:51,717 --> 00:48:53,919 We can't do it in my bed! 480 00:48:54,019 --> 00:48:58,021 I sleep with my brother, and he's a chronic bed wetter. 481 00:48:58,257 --> 00:48:59,915 Maybe next time. 482 00:49:12,972 --> 00:49:14,801 - Jamie? - Hi. 483 00:49:21,747 --> 00:49:24,281 - So, how'd it go? - She said no. 484 00:49:35,894 --> 00:49:39,031 - Hi! Can I help you with something? - Yes, I'm looking for a skirt. 485 00:49:39,131 --> 00:49:42,098 Something that'll go with a grayish blouse. 486 00:49:43,035 --> 00:49:44,570 Any particular color? 487 00:49:44,670 --> 00:49:46,795 - Something in white. - Okay. 488 00:49:48,374 --> 00:49:51,034 I think I've got just the thing. 489 00:49:53,612 --> 00:49:55,043 Here. 490 00:49:56,015 --> 00:49:59,016 - How about something like this? - I like that. 491 00:49:59,151 --> 00:50:01,587 Good. We also have it in yellow, if you prefer. 492 00:50:01,687 --> 00:50:02,955 I like the white. 493 00:50:03,055 --> 00:50:07,059 Why don't you try it on in the dressing room. I'll be with you in just a minute. 494 00:50:07,159 --> 00:50:08,283 Okay. 495 00:50:10,763 --> 00:50:12,558 What are you doing? 496 00:50:12,831 --> 00:50:15,126 - Shopping. - Really? 497 00:50:15,234 --> 00:50:17,069 Know what I'm shopping for? 498 00:50:17,169 --> 00:50:18,736 - No, what? - Kisses. 499 00:50:22,441 --> 00:50:24,372 - What? - You bit my lip! 500 00:50:25,010 --> 00:50:26,236 I did? 501 00:50:27,313 --> 00:50:28,505 Yeah. 502 00:50:29,315 --> 00:50:31,440 You shouldn't be so sweet. 503 00:50:33,452 --> 00:50:35,588 I kind of like these. What do you think? 504 00:50:35,688 --> 00:50:37,022 Check it out. 505 00:50:37,122 --> 00:50:40,123 They're kind of, you know, black. 506 00:50:40,225 --> 00:50:42,816 That's what I like about them. 507 00:50:43,228 --> 00:50:45,193 All right. Try them on. 508 00:50:50,002 --> 00:50:53,505 I'll get a sweater that'll lighten up the black pants a little bit. 509 00:50:53,605 --> 00:50:55,104 - Okay. - Okay. 510 00:51:08,721 --> 00:51:10,186 Hello, Mark. 511 00:51:15,294 --> 00:51:18,063 What are you doing here? Where did you come from? 512 00:51:18,163 --> 00:51:19,932 I've been here watching you. 513 00:51:20,032 --> 00:51:22,066 I'm always watching you. 514 00:51:24,269 --> 00:51:26,929 Here, try this one. It's really neat. 515 00:51:28,707 --> 00:51:30,968 Baby blue. Wouldn't you know. 516 00:51:31,243 --> 00:51:32,833 Wow! That was quick! 517 00:51:33,612 --> 00:51:35,147 Wait a minute. I see another one. 518 00:51:35,247 --> 00:51:37,508 If it's pink, I'm gonna puke. 519 00:51:41,387 --> 00:51:44,356 Honestly, how can you stand that little twerp? 520 00:51:44,456 --> 00:51:45,958 She's not a little twerp. 521 00:51:46,058 --> 00:51:47,591 I love Robin. 522 00:51:47,726 --> 00:51:49,384 And I love Mark. 523 00:51:49,695 --> 00:51:51,764 Would you just leave me alone? 524 00:51:51,864 --> 00:51:54,600 What're you talking about? You're the one who asked me... 525 00:51:54,700 --> 00:51:57,636 Don't come in. I don't have any pants on! 526 00:51:57,736 --> 00:51:59,030 Stop it! 527 00:51:59,438 --> 00:52:02,308 I've seen you in your shorts before, Mark Kendall. 528 00:52:02,408 --> 00:52:05,244 Let the little creep in. I don't mind. 529 00:52:05,344 --> 00:52:06,604 I mind. 530 00:52:09,214 --> 00:52:11,748 - Leave me alone! - I certainly will. 531 00:52:11,950 --> 00:52:15,076 Boy, you're acting really weird, you know that? 532 00:52:21,894 --> 00:52:23,222 Listen... 533 00:52:23,996 --> 00:52:26,031 you got to cool it. I mean it. 534 00:52:26,131 --> 00:52:29,758 You know, you're a very pretty lady. We had a nice time. 535 00:52:30,102 --> 00:52:32,261 But it can't go on forever. 536 00:52:33,038 --> 00:52:35,971 Forever is just what I had in mind. 537 00:52:37,009 --> 00:52:39,678 You don't know what's happening, do you, Mark? 538 00:52:39,778 --> 00:52:43,211 I know if Robin sees us together, I'm in big trouble. 539 00:52:43,549 --> 00:52:46,117 Don't be such a big baby. 540 00:52:46,952 --> 00:52:49,247 Please don't bite my buttons. 541 00:53:03,302 --> 00:53:05,529 Are you all right? 542 00:53:11,043 --> 00:53:12,610 What happened? 543 00:53:12,811 --> 00:53:15,072 Guess I must have passed out. 544 00:53:15,447 --> 00:53:17,742 Are you sure you're all right? 545 00:53:18,350 --> 00:53:20,418 Has this happened before? 546 00:53:21,453 --> 00:53:23,748 Maybe you should see a doctor. 547 00:53:24,156 --> 00:53:25,314 Yeah. 548 00:53:28,460 --> 00:53:29,728 Let's get out of here. 549 00:53:29,828 --> 00:53:32,631 Countess, did you get your second transfusion? 550 00:53:32,731 --> 00:53:36,528 Of course, and I'll get the third one, too, despite that girl. 551 00:53:36,702 --> 00:53:39,671 She's got a much stronger hold on him than I thought. 552 00:53:39,771 --> 00:53:43,432 She's young, she's sweet, and she's pissing me off. 553 00:54:16,308 --> 00:54:18,000 My God, it lives. 554 00:54:18,744 --> 00:54:20,869 - What time is it? - 8:15. 555 00:54:27,653 --> 00:54:31,849 - Are you feeling better? - Better than what? I'm feeling fine. 556 00:54:34,493 --> 00:54:37,255 It's a little bright in here, isn't it? 557 00:54:40,499 --> 00:54:42,968 You don't eat right, you know that? 558 00:54:43,068 --> 00:54:46,038 I'm making your favorite breakfast, egg burger. 559 00:54:46,138 --> 00:54:47,364 Great. 560 00:54:49,374 --> 00:54:52,602 - What happened to your shirt? - Shirt? 561 00:54:52,978 --> 00:54:55,714 The one you wore last night. All the buttons are gone. 562 00:54:55,814 --> 00:54:58,883 That's the second time. How'd you manage that? 563 00:55:00,352 --> 00:55:02,287 This jogging crap is for the birds. 564 00:55:02,387 --> 00:55:05,513 It's really bad for your knees and your back, Dad. 565 00:55:05,757 --> 00:55:07,960 You should have told me that five years ago. 566 00:55:08,060 --> 00:55:11,493 - Would you like an egg burger, dear? - Yes. Thank you. 567 00:55:14,633 --> 00:55:16,792 I'd like to have a little talk with you. 568 00:55:17,202 --> 00:55:19,204 What time is it? I got to go! 569 00:55:19,304 --> 00:55:22,373 - Aren't you going to finish your juice? - Yeah. 570 00:55:26,979 --> 00:55:28,637 See you tonight. 571 00:55:36,121 --> 00:55:38,314 He couldn't be anemic. 572 00:55:39,124 --> 00:55:40,486 Could he? 573 00:55:49,668 --> 00:55:51,633 - Pushup bar. - Fudge bar. 574 00:56:06,618 --> 00:56:09,118 - Holy shit! - Let's get out of here! 575 00:56:39,618 --> 00:56:41,345 I'm sorry, Father. 576 00:56:41,653 --> 00:56:43,380 - Have a drink. - No. 577 00:57:12,451 --> 00:57:15,987 Father, forgive me, 'cause I think I might have sinned. 578 00:57:16,621 --> 00:57:20,487 Last week, I went to a bar in Hollywood... 579 00:57:20,592 --> 00:57:22,626 where I met this strange woman. 580 00:57:23,862 --> 00:57:26,021 She took me to her house... 581 00:57:27,399 --> 00:57:29,134 and I think we had a good time. 582 00:57:29,234 --> 00:57:32,337 But ever since then, weird things have been happening. 583 00:57:32,437 --> 00:57:34,596 She keeps following me around! 584 00:57:35,407 --> 00:57:37,142 Even in my dreams, she's there... 585 00:57:37,242 --> 00:57:40,607 you know, just sort of screwing around with my life! 586 00:57:41,246 --> 00:57:42,677 The worst part... 587 00:57:44,850 --> 00:57:46,918 is that I feel like I'm changing. 588 00:57:47,719 --> 00:57:49,912 I do all these funny things. 589 00:57:50,388 --> 00:57:53,889 I frightened a couple of kids just by looking at them. 590 00:57:57,062 --> 00:57:59,153 I'm starting to freak out. 591 00:58:00,866 --> 00:58:03,366 You're the only one I can turn to. 592 00:58:04,202 --> 00:58:08,671 - What can I do? - Get yourself a shovel. You're in deep shit. 593 00:58:38,970 --> 00:58:40,435 Hello, Mark. 594 01:00:05,423 --> 01:00:06,888 I'm not mad. 595 01:00:07,092 --> 01:00:10,462 I just thought we agreed that we'd dress alike, that's all. 596 01:00:10,562 --> 01:00:13,365 If I had known you were going to dress as a vampire... 597 01:00:13,465 --> 01:00:15,767 I'm not dressed like a vampire. 598 01:00:15,867 --> 01:00:18,800 I told you, I couldn't get out and get a costume today. 599 01:00:20,572 --> 01:00:24,608 The point is, I just feel silly dressed as Jill without Jack. 600 01:00:25,343 --> 01:00:29,470 If anybody asks, tell them Jack couldn't get it up after the fall. 601 01:00:30,015 --> 01:00:32,549 - Hi, Robin. Hi, Mark. - Hi, Suzette. 602 01:00:33,351 --> 01:00:37,122 I love your outfits. Let me take your names for the best costume contest. 603 01:00:37,222 --> 01:00:38,380 Sure. 604 01:00:39,724 --> 01:00:41,655 Robin Pierce... 605 01:00:41,927 --> 01:00:45,019 Jill, sans Jack. 606 01:00:47,332 --> 01:00:49,923 And Mark Kendall... 607 01:00:50,735 --> 01:00:52,029 vampire. 608 01:00:52,237 --> 01:00:54,328 I'm not wearing a costume. 609 01:00:57,142 --> 01:00:58,436 You nut. 610 01:01:46,658 --> 01:01:50,228 - Pinocchio, you look great. - What are you supposed to be? 611 01:01:50,328 --> 01:01:53,732 I was going to be Gandhi, but I couldn't find glasses or a mustache... 612 01:01:53,832 --> 01:01:56,628 so now I'm Yul Brynner. 613 01:01:57,736 --> 01:02:01,169 - That's a great vampire... - I'm not wearing a costume. 614 01:02:03,008 --> 01:02:05,042 I gotta get some punch. 615 01:02:06,478 --> 01:02:08,773 - Hi, Mark. - Hi, sir. 616 01:06:03,181 --> 01:06:06,818 - Damn that girl! - If I've been wrong, revise our plan. 617 01:06:06,918 --> 01:06:09,418 There's more than one way to skin a cat. 618 01:07:00,772 --> 01:07:04,467 Excuse me. May I have your attention for a moment, please? 619 01:07:09,013 --> 01:07:11,449 Thank you. I'm pleased to announce... 620 01:07:11,549 --> 01:07:14,777 that the winner of the best-costume contest is... 621 01:07:15,119 --> 01:07:17,744 Mark Kendall as a vampire! 622 01:07:19,424 --> 01:07:21,685 I'm not wearing a costume! 623 01:07:41,279 --> 01:07:43,870 - Robin. - What happened? 624 01:07:44,248 --> 01:07:46,584 I'm sorry, I don't know what came over me. 625 01:07:46,684 --> 01:07:51,244 It was just... All those kids were yelling and screaming and freaking out. 626 01:07:51,522 --> 01:07:54,420 They were just glad for you that you won. 627 01:07:54,559 --> 01:07:57,253 I know. It's just... I don't know. 628 01:07:57,562 --> 01:07:59,960 It just felt weird for a second. 629 01:08:14,078 --> 01:08:17,511 - Mark! What is it? - Look! I'm not there! 630 01:08:19,917 --> 01:08:21,075 Look! 631 01:08:28,359 --> 01:08:31,019 I swear, I wasn't there a minute ago. 632 01:08:32,697 --> 01:08:34,788 It's her. It's that woman. 633 01:08:35,700 --> 01:08:37,995 The one that bit your buttons? 634 01:08:39,604 --> 01:08:43,504 I think she's a vampire, and I think she's turning me into one. 635 01:08:43,841 --> 01:08:46,000 Turning you into a vampire? 636 01:08:46,110 --> 01:08:50,114 That's why I couldn't see myself. Vampires don't have a reflection. 637 01:08:50,214 --> 01:08:52,509 But you're there. See? 638 01:08:53,351 --> 01:08:54,816 Oh, my God! 639 01:08:58,990 --> 01:09:00,318 Vampires? 640 01:09:02,660 --> 01:09:05,092 Vampires? Did you say... 641 01:09:06,164 --> 01:09:09,358 Yes! Do I have some books on vampires! 642 01:09:09,700 --> 01:09:12,428 Goodness gracious! Just follow me. 643 01:09:13,004 --> 01:09:14,972 You know, it is most unfortunate... 644 01:09:15,072 --> 01:09:18,869 the shocking reputation that vampires are having these days. 645 01:09:19,210 --> 01:09:22,473 You know, most people are basing their opinions... 646 01:09:22,580 --> 01:09:25,240 on those silly vampire movies. 647 01:09:26,150 --> 01:09:27,585 What is this doing here? 648 01:09:27,685 --> 01:09:29,721 Is there such a thing as a female vampire? 649 01:09:29,821 --> 01:09:33,891 But of course. The result of a vampire bite, just the same as any other vampire. 650 01:09:33,991 --> 01:09:36,661 You know, there are even cases of cat and dog vampires. 651 01:09:36,761 --> 01:09:40,398 Don't worry about it. The cleaning lady will fix it when she comes next week. 652 01:09:40,498 --> 01:09:44,535 As I was saying, cat and dog vampires. And I even remember, once in the 1960s... 653 01:09:44,635 --> 01:09:46,771 a gerbil was bitten in the hind leg... 654 01:09:46,871 --> 01:09:49,701 Could a woman vampire actually exist today? 655 01:09:49,941 --> 01:09:51,743 Like, maybe in Hollywood? 656 01:09:51,843 --> 01:09:56,573 That's the ideal place. You see, she can blend in with the crowd. 657 01:09:57,014 --> 01:09:59,717 Could one of these lady vampires actually bite a guy? 658 01:09:59,817 --> 01:10:01,586 You know, like, a teenage guy? 659 01:10:01,686 --> 01:10:04,880 - How old would he be? - Like, 18. 660 01:10:05,156 --> 01:10:06,724 I seriously doubt it. 661 01:10:06,824 --> 01:10:10,194 You see, the female vampire needs the blood of a virgin. 662 01:10:10,294 --> 01:10:13,931 And an 18-year-old boy would hardly be a virgin, now, would he? 663 01:10:14,031 --> 01:10:17,100 Just hypothetically, what if he was a virgin? 664 01:10:19,036 --> 01:10:23,095 Then I think he has a lot bigger problems to worry about than female vampires. 665 01:10:25,243 --> 01:10:27,607 If he got bitten, how would you know? 666 01:10:27,879 --> 01:10:32,439 You would then just look for a bite on the inside of the thigh... 667 01:10:32,783 --> 01:10:36,580 like this one, piercing the artery. 668 01:10:37,154 --> 01:10:40,314 Apparently, attacks so close to the source of... 669 01:10:40,558 --> 01:10:43,889 In the case of a virgin, untapped sexual potency... 670 01:10:44,095 --> 01:10:48,097 is what the woman vampire needs to retain her youth and beauty. 671 01:10:48,833 --> 01:10:53,233 I have over here, somewhere, a book of plates showing color... 672 01:10:54,338 --> 01:10:55,564 Hello? 673 01:10:57,575 --> 01:10:58,733 Goodness gracious. 674 01:11:02,547 --> 01:11:05,445 Wait up! I have to talk to you about Mark. 675 01:11:05,683 --> 01:11:08,686 - What's going on? - Mark's been acting strange lately. 676 01:11:08,786 --> 01:11:11,155 - Don't we all? - But I did some research... 677 01:11:11,255 --> 01:11:15,883 and what I found out is that Mark may have contracted some sort of disease. 678 01:11:16,060 --> 01:11:18,924 - Like a venereal disease? - Sort of. 679 01:11:21,966 --> 01:11:24,830 But I need you guys to find out for sure. 680 01:11:27,004 --> 01:11:29,040 What do you want us to do? 681 01:11:29,140 --> 01:11:32,767 I need you to check his inner thigh for two little sores. 682 01:11:35,346 --> 01:11:36,314 Sores? 683 01:11:36,414 --> 01:11:38,277 - I don't know. - Yeah. 684 01:11:38,849 --> 01:11:41,385 I thought Mark meant something to you. 685 01:11:41,485 --> 01:11:44,076 If you're really his friends, you'll do this. 686 01:12:17,254 --> 01:12:19,584 All right, we still on for tomorrow night? 687 01:12:24,328 --> 01:12:25,793 I need soap. 688 01:12:35,439 --> 01:12:39,031 The water is too cold! I need hot water over here. 689 01:13:16,547 --> 01:13:18,239 Now, Jamie, look! 690 01:13:21,085 --> 01:13:22,853 What the hell are you guys doing? 691 01:13:22,953 --> 01:13:24,748 Fags in the shower! 692 01:13:25,256 --> 01:13:27,017 Fag alert! 693 01:13:34,231 --> 01:13:35,457 Great! 694 01:13:38,536 --> 01:13:40,228 This is terrible. 695 01:13:42,339 --> 01:13:44,275 I can't believe this happened. 696 01:13:44,375 --> 01:13:47,535 It's the most humiliating experience of my life. 697 01:13:49,013 --> 01:13:50,580 This is awful. 698 01:13:51,782 --> 01:13:54,585 This is the suckiest thing that could ever happen. 699 01:13:54,685 --> 01:13:57,345 The whole school thinks we're gay. 700 01:13:57,955 --> 01:14:01,826 Don't be such a twerp. Our past histories speak for themselves. 701 01:14:01,926 --> 01:14:05,029 - No one's gonna think we're gay. - I don't have a past history. 702 01:14:05,129 --> 01:14:07,697 And neither do you. This is it. 703 01:14:08,099 --> 01:14:11,002 We might as well move in together and get his-and-his towels. 704 01:14:11,102 --> 01:14:13,693 Who cares what those assholes think? 705 01:14:19,744 --> 01:14:22,780 What were they doing in the showers in the first place? 706 01:14:22,880 --> 01:14:24,548 They were washing. 707 01:14:24,648 --> 01:14:27,308 We were enacting a prison rape scene. 708 01:14:45,469 --> 01:14:48,436 What was that scene in the shower all about? 709 01:14:48,906 --> 01:14:51,676 That's the thanks I get for trying to help out a friend? 710 01:14:51,776 --> 01:14:54,174 You're a big help. Thanks a lot. 711 01:14:56,046 --> 01:15:00,105 Did it ever occur to you guys that maybe you could have asked me? 712 01:15:02,853 --> 01:15:05,523 - Oh, my God! - She told us to look! 713 01:15:05,623 --> 01:15:09,260 - I knew it. We enjoyed it. - Jamie, would you shut up? 714 01:15:09,360 --> 01:15:11,829 No, that's it. We're homos. We're rump rangers. 715 01:15:11,929 --> 01:15:13,018 No! 716 01:15:16,567 --> 01:15:18,134 What the hell? 717 01:16:20,264 --> 01:16:23,060 Why don't you shoot off a cannon? Jesus. 718 01:16:27,004 --> 01:16:28,435 Be careful. 719 01:16:29,540 --> 01:16:33,132 - My stomach is starting to gurgle. - Will you shut up? 720 01:16:36,113 --> 01:16:38,306 God! Come on! 721 01:17:14,785 --> 01:17:16,720 I got to go to the bathroom. 722 01:17:16,820 --> 01:17:19,411 - Tough shit. - Tie it off, man. 723 01:17:25,896 --> 01:17:27,464 I think I'm gonna be sick. 724 01:17:27,564 --> 01:17:30,534 Goddamn it, will you forget your function for five minutes? 725 01:17:30,634 --> 01:17:33,965 I can't! This always happens to me when I'm scared. 726 01:17:37,875 --> 01:17:39,033 Wait. 727 01:17:41,612 --> 01:17:42,804 Help! 728 01:17:46,483 --> 01:17:48,016 Are you okay? 729 01:17:51,722 --> 01:17:54,086 Why did you go with that creep? 730 01:17:55,326 --> 01:17:57,758 "I needed you." That's all he said? 731 01:17:58,162 --> 01:17:59,530 I got to go. 732 01:17:59,630 --> 01:18:02,199 The sooner we get her loose, the sooner you're gonna. 733 01:18:02,299 --> 01:18:04,390 Work on her feet. Come on! 734 01:18:07,471 --> 01:18:08,697 Sorry. 735 01:18:09,273 --> 01:18:12,409 Mark, you're still a virgin. She never made love to you. 736 01:18:12,509 --> 01:18:15,737 She just took your blood from... You know. 737 01:18:17,681 --> 01:18:19,749 Can't I have any privacy? 738 01:18:21,218 --> 01:18:24,082 - I hate this whole thing. - Come on. 739 01:18:39,670 --> 01:18:41,237 Quiet, please. 740 01:18:42,339 --> 01:18:44,669 Gentlemen and ladies... 741 01:18:45,409 --> 01:18:48,444 welcome to this most auspicious occasion. 742 01:18:50,147 --> 01:18:52,238 And now for the unveiling. 743 01:19:26,183 --> 01:19:28,342 Okay. That's not funny now. 744 01:19:31,088 --> 01:19:32,746 Guys, I mean... 745 01:19:35,526 --> 01:19:37,594 All right. Now I'm angry. 746 01:19:50,441 --> 01:19:51,667 Great. 747 01:19:52,209 --> 01:19:53,744 Dearest Mark... 748 01:19:53,844 --> 01:19:57,812 twice, we have shared a mystical experience. 749 01:19:59,483 --> 01:20:02,711 Tonight, the holy third! 750 01:20:02,986 --> 01:20:04,417 Hear, hear. 751 01:20:10,727 --> 01:20:13,097 Please don't bite the buttons off this jacket. 752 01:20:13,197 --> 01:20:16,824 It belongs to my father. Besides, you might chip a tooth. 753 01:20:17,768 --> 01:20:19,961 They'll hardly bother these. 754 01:20:20,938 --> 01:20:24,098 I don't want to be a vampire. I'm a day person. 755 01:20:55,672 --> 01:20:58,468 Move away from him! Up against the wall! 756 01:21:04,114 --> 01:21:07,411 Mark, it's me, Robin. Do you remember? 757 01:21:08,519 --> 01:21:10,888 We've known each other forever and ever. 758 01:21:10,988 --> 01:21:12,180 Mark! 759 01:21:14,391 --> 01:21:18,894 I'm the owner of the pants you've been trying to get into for the last four years. 760 01:21:19,263 --> 01:21:20,887 - Robin? - Yes. 761 01:21:22,799 --> 01:21:25,766 How would you like your crotch set on fire? 762 01:21:26,136 --> 01:21:27,601 Rough trade. 763 01:21:28,672 --> 01:21:29,973 Stand back! 764 01:21:30,073 --> 01:21:31,775 Put down the cross. 765 01:21:31,875 --> 01:21:33,377 It only works in movies. 766 01:21:33,477 --> 01:21:35,511 Besides, I'm an atheist. 767 01:21:35,746 --> 01:21:38,212 Fire, on the other hand... 768 01:21:44,922 --> 01:21:46,250 Back off! 769 01:21:47,324 --> 01:21:48,618 Come on! 770 01:22:08,245 --> 01:22:10,210 I can be yours, Mark... 771 01:22:11,081 --> 01:22:12,375 forever... 772 01:22:14,051 --> 01:22:16,949 showing you joys you never dreamed possible... 773 01:22:17,988 --> 01:22:21,114 in your most fevered adolescent slumber. 774 01:22:22,893 --> 01:22:26,130 Mark doesn't want you, because you're mean and evil. 775 01:22:26,230 --> 01:22:29,561 He wants me, because I'm nice and sweet and pure. 776 01:22:29,666 --> 01:22:31,131 So fuck off! 777 01:22:33,503 --> 01:22:35,230 After that virgin! 778 01:22:35,839 --> 01:22:37,167 Come on! 779 01:22:41,878 --> 01:22:44,548 - Run! - Are you crazy? They'll kill you. 780 01:22:44,648 --> 01:22:47,551 They want you, not us. We'll hold them off. 781 01:22:47,651 --> 01:22:49,343 - We will? - Go! 782 01:22:53,323 --> 01:22:55,482 See you in school tomorrow. 783 01:23:03,166 --> 01:23:06,133 - Hurry up! - Can I put my pants on? 784 01:23:10,641 --> 01:23:12,038 Holy shit. 785 01:23:29,359 --> 01:23:30,861 All right, they're not here. 786 01:23:30,961 --> 01:23:34,030 You come with us. The rest of you go that way. 787 01:23:52,449 --> 01:23:53,675 Hello. 788 01:23:54,818 --> 01:23:56,909 Look what got left behind. 789 01:23:58,588 --> 01:24:01,714 Could one of you please show me where the bathroom is? 790 01:24:05,929 --> 01:24:07,963 Don't let them get away! 791 01:24:13,904 --> 01:24:15,973 - We'll go back this way. - But... 792 01:24:16,073 --> 01:24:19,336 Trust me, we've got them right where we want them. 793 01:24:36,093 --> 01:24:37,524 After them! 794 01:24:52,476 --> 01:24:54,211 You bungling idiot! 795 01:24:54,311 --> 01:24:58,507 I'm a mature person, and you're a mature person. 796 01:24:58,715 --> 01:25:01,784 So why don't we just skip all the bullshit... 797 01:25:01,952 --> 01:25:06,546 get rid of our inhibitions, and do what we really want to do. 798 01:25:39,790 --> 01:25:41,755 I could have done that. 799 01:25:43,026 --> 01:25:47,290 I haven't had this much fun since, like, Haight-Ashbury. 800 01:25:52,302 --> 01:25:53,460 So... 801 01:25:54,738 --> 01:25:56,669 what should we do now? 802 01:26:29,272 --> 01:26:31,966 You stay here. We'll go the other way. 803 01:26:36,780 --> 01:26:38,215 Get those doors. 804 01:26:38,315 --> 01:26:40,144 Hurry. Get that one. 805 01:27:00,437 --> 01:27:02,004 Wait a minute! 806 01:27:02,606 --> 01:27:05,242 I have to replace every door you people smash. 807 01:27:05,342 --> 01:27:08,468 - Can't you at least try the knob first? - Jocks. 808 01:28:02,032 --> 01:28:03,690 You're too late. 809 01:28:05,168 --> 01:28:08,465 You couldn't have. You've been in there less than a minute. 810 01:28:14,945 --> 01:28:16,637 You could have... 811 01:28:17,414 --> 01:28:20,074 but you didn't have time to enjoy it. 812 01:28:23,353 --> 01:28:25,011 What time is it? 813 01:28:25,589 --> 01:28:26,917 Midnight. 814 01:28:41,471 --> 01:28:44,165 Somebody get a plastic surgeon. Quick! 815 01:28:45,308 --> 01:28:46,966 I need a virgin! 816 01:29:01,725 --> 01:29:03,656 Countess, don't worry. 817 01:29:03,960 --> 01:29:06,460 There are other virgins out there. 818 01:29:07,497 --> 01:29:11,260 Somewhere, in places like Kansas... 819 01:29:12,168 --> 01:29:13,496 Nebraska. 820 01:29:18,808 --> 01:29:21,172 I'll never find another virgin. 821 01:29:22,212 --> 01:29:23,380 Never! 822 01:29:23,480 --> 01:29:25,878 Now, now. I'll take care of you. 823 01:29:26,916 --> 01:29:28,950 There's always tomorrow. 824 01:29:30,954 --> 01:29:33,123 You know, maybe the Countess is right. 825 01:29:33,223 --> 01:29:35,314 It would be better slower. 826 01:29:36,960 --> 01:29:38,550 Let's find out. 827 01:29:42,465 --> 01:29:44,931 I believe I've created a monster. 828 01:30:10,126 --> 01:30:13,828 I saw your face and right away 829 01:30:13,928 --> 01:30:17,824 Somethin' inside me trembled tenderly 830 01:30:17,924 --> 01:30:21,843 And in your eyes, boy, I could see 831 01:30:21,943 --> 01:30:24,364 You'd be mine 832 01:30:26,020 --> 01:30:29,845 I know your mind is filled with doubt 833 01:30:29,945 --> 01:30:33,138 But I'm beggin' you to hear me out 834 01:30:33,238 --> 01:30:36,736 No need for your suspicion 835 01:30:37,782 --> 01:30:39,867 Once bitten 836 01:30:39,967 --> 01:30:42,579 You won't feel no pain, boy Once bitten 837 01:30:42,679 --> 01:30:46,397 Once bitten We're singin' in the rain, boy 838 01:30:46,497 --> 01:30:50,308 When lightnin' strikes Oh, oh 839 01:30:50,408 --> 01:30:53,990 Your heart's gonna be mine forever 840 01:30:54,474 --> 01:30:57,754 Gonna be mine forever 841 01:30:57,854 --> 01:31:00,942 You won't feel no pain, boy 842 01:31:09,173 --> 01:31:13,003 Eyes on fire looked at me 843 01:31:13,103 --> 01:31:16,992 I saw somethin' there you didn't want me to see 844 01:31:17,092 --> 01:31:20,537 Your desire burnin' me 845 01:31:20,637 --> 01:31:23,084 Like a flame 846 01:31:23,184 --> 01:31:25,029 Oh, oh 847 01:31:25,129 --> 01:31:28,396 I know what it is you need 848 01:31:28,496 --> 01:31:31,869 Why make it harder than it has to be? 849 01:31:31,969 --> 01:31:36,175 I have this premonition 850 01:31:36,582 --> 01:31:38,667 Once bitten 851 01:31:38,767 --> 01:31:41,379 You won't feel no pain, boy Once bitten 852 01:31:41,479 --> 01:31:45,197 Once bitten We're singin' in the rain, boy 853 01:31:45,297 --> 01:31:49,108 When lightnin' strikes Oh, oh 854 01:31:49,208 --> 01:31:52,182 Your heart's gonna be mine forever 855 01:31:52,282 --> 01:31:54,367 Once bitten 856 01:31:54,467 --> 01:31:57,079 You won't feel no pain, boy Once bitten 857 01:31:57,179 --> 01:32:00,897 Once bitten We're singin' in the rain, boy 858 01:32:00,997 --> 01:32:04,808 When lightnin' strikes Oh, oh 859 01:32:04,908 --> 01:32:08,790 Your heart's gonna be mine forever 860 01:32:08,890 --> 01:32:12,144 Gonna be mine forever 861 01:32:12,244 --> 01:32:15,806 You won't feel no pain, boy 862 01:32:16,306 --> 01:32:19,305 You won't feel no pain, boy 863 01:32:20,497 --> 01:32:24,374 We'll see the light, we'll hear the thunder 864 01:32:24,474 --> 01:32:28,518 I need your touch It's a spell you put me under 865 01:32:28,618 --> 01:32:31,763 Ain't no denyin' 866 01:32:31,863 --> 01:32:37,151 Gonna be mine forever and I ain't lyin' 867 01:32:51,178 --> 01:32:53,898 Once bitten... 867 01:32:54,305 --> 01:33:54,171 Please rate this subtitle at www.osdb.link/ycgt Help other users to choose the best subtitles