1 00:00:06,000 --> 00:00:12,074 Advertise your product or brand here contact www.OpenSubtitles.org today 2 00:00:38,396 --> 00:00:40,949 As the 21st century began... 3 00:00:41,051 --> 00:00:44,434 human evolution was at a turning point. 4 00:00:44,539 --> 00:00:49,274 Natural selection, the process by which the strongest, the smartest... 5 00:00:49,372 --> 00:00:52,787 the fastest reproduced in greater numbers than the rest... 6 00:00:52,891 --> 00:00:56,568 a process which had once favored the noblest traits of man... 7 00:00:56,667 --> 00:00:58,969 now began to favor different traits. 8 00:00:59,068 --> 00:01:00,890 The Joey Buttafuoco case-- 9 00:01:00,988 --> 00:01:04,632 Most science fiction of the day predicted a future that was more civilized... 10 00:01:04,732 --> 00:01:06,739 and more intelligent. 11 00:01:06,844 --> 00:01:10,706 But as time went on, things seemed to be heading in the opposite direction. 12 00:01:10,811 --> 00:01:12,699 A dumbing down. 13 00:01:12,795 --> 00:01:14,737 How did this happen? 14 00:01:14,844 --> 00:01:17,975 Evolution does not necessarily reward intelligence. 15 00:01:18,076 --> 00:01:20,497 With no natural predators to thin the herd... 16 00:01:20,604 --> 00:01:23,768 it began to simply reward those who reproduced the most... 17 00:01:23,868 --> 00:01:27,828 and left the intelligent to become an endangered species. 18 00:01:28,955 --> 00:01:33,233 Having kids is such an important decision. 19 00:01:33,340 --> 00:01:34,714 We're just waiting for the right time. 20 00:01:34,811 --> 00:01:37,048 It's not something you want to rush into, obviously. 21 00:01:37,147 --> 00:01:38,970 No way. 22 00:01:39,067 --> 00:01:41,369 Oh, shit, I'm pregnant again! 23 00:01:41,468 --> 00:01:44,435 Shit! I got too many damn kids! 24 00:01:44,540 --> 00:01:47,638 - I thought you was on the pill or some shit! - Hell, no! 25 00:01:47,740 --> 00:01:49,627 Shit! I must've been thinkin' of Brittany. 26 00:01:49,723 --> 00:01:51,763 Brittany? No, you didn't! 27 00:01:51,868 --> 00:01:54,802 - There's no way we could have a child now. - Mm-mm. 28 00:01:54,908 --> 00:01:56,795 Not with the market the way it is, no. 29 00:01:56,891 --> 00:01:59,128 God, no. That just wouldn't make any sense. 30 00:01:59,227 --> 00:02:02,042 Come on over here, bitch! He don't care about you! 31 00:02:02,140 --> 00:02:04,693 Yeah? Well, there must be somethin' he likes over here. 32 00:02:04,796 --> 00:02:07,927 - She don't mean nothin' to me, baby! - Clevon! 33 00:02:08,028 --> 00:02:10,962 Oh, shit. It wasn't me! It wasn't me! 34 00:02:11,068 --> 00:02:14,232 Well, we finally decided to have children... 35 00:02:14,331 --> 00:02:18,193 and I'm not pointing fingers, but it's not going well. 36 00:02:18,300 --> 00:02:20,122 And this is helping. 37 00:02:20,220 --> 00:02:23,187 I'm just saying that before I have in vitro, maybe you should be willing to-- 38 00:02:23,292 --> 00:02:25,114 It's always me, right? 39 00:02:25,212 --> 00:02:28,441 Well, it's not my sperm count. 40 00:02:28,540 --> 00:02:30,995 Yeah! Yeah! I'm gonna fuck all y'all! 41 00:02:31,099 --> 00:02:32,790 That's my boy! 42 00:02:32,892 --> 00:02:35,096 Whoo! Whoo! 43 00:02:36,923 --> 00:02:38,746 Clevon is lucky to be alive. 44 00:02:38,843 --> 00:02:41,080 He attempted to jump a Jet Ski from a lake... 45 00:02:41,180 --> 00:02:44,278 into a swimming pool and impaled his crotch on an iron gate. 46 00:02:44,380 --> 00:02:46,355 But thanks to recent advances in stem cell research... 47 00:02:46,459 --> 00:02:49,307 and the fine work of Doctors Krinski and Altschuler... 48 00:02:49,403 --> 00:02:51,509 Clevon should regain full reproductive function. 49 00:02:51,611 --> 00:02:53,433 Get your hands off my junk! 50 00:02:57,500 --> 00:03:00,467 Unfortunately, Trevor passed away from a heart attack... 51 00:03:00,571 --> 00:03:02,579 while masturbating... 52 00:03:02,683 --> 00:03:05,651 to produce sperm for artificial insemination. 53 00:03:05,755 --> 00:03:07,577 But I have some eggs frozen... 54 00:03:07,675 --> 00:03:11,221 so just as soon as the right guy comes along, you know-- 55 00:03:15,292 --> 00:03:17,681 And so it went for generations... 56 00:03:17,787 --> 00:03:20,471 although few, if any, seemed to notice. 57 00:03:20,571 --> 00:03:26,103 But in the year 2005, in a military base just outside of Washington, D.C... 58 00:03:26,204 --> 00:03:29,979 a simple army librarian was unknowingly... 59 00:03:30,075 --> 00:03:33,818 about to change the entire course of human history. 60 00:03:33,915 --> 00:03:35,606 Come on, asshole! Go on! Take him to jail! 61 00:03:39,707 --> 00:03:41,267 Hey, Bauers. 62 00:03:41,372 --> 00:03:43,761 This is Peterson, your new replacement. 63 00:03:43,867 --> 00:03:47,577 - My what? I'm gettin' replaced? - Yeah, they didn't tell you? 64 00:03:47,676 --> 00:03:49,683 - No. - Some new assignment. 65 00:03:49,788 --> 00:03:51,991 They're being all weird and hush-hush about it. 66 00:03:52,091 --> 00:03:54,808 I don't want a new assignment. I tell Sergeant Metsler that every time. 67 00:03:54,908 --> 00:03:58,520 - I'm good at this. - Good at what? Sittin' on ass? 68 00:03:58,619 --> 00:04:01,107 No one ever comes in here. 69 00:04:01,212 --> 00:04:04,310 Yeah, I know. It's perfect for me. No one bothers me. I can't screw up. 70 00:04:04,412 --> 00:04:07,347 If I can just stay in here another eight years, I get my pension. 71 00:04:07,451 --> 00:04:10,451 I'm all set. Can you just get me out of this? 72 00:04:10,556 --> 00:04:13,174 No way. Not this time. It's coming from high up. 73 00:04:13,275 --> 00:04:17,465 Jesus. I don't understand. Why me? 74 00:04:17,563 --> 00:04:21,044 Every time Metsler says, "Lead, follow, or get out of the way," I get out of the way. 75 00:04:21,147 --> 00:04:24,628 When he says that, you're not supposed to choose "get out of the way." 76 00:04:24,731 --> 00:04:28,626 It's supposed to embarrass you into leading or at least following. 77 00:04:28,731 --> 00:04:30,520 That doesn't embarrass me. 78 00:04:30,620 --> 00:04:32,442 Look, Joe. You don't have a choice. 79 00:04:32,540 --> 00:04:34,296 You're just gonna have to follow. 80 00:04:34,395 --> 00:04:36,762 Like, follow me upstairs, like, now. 81 00:04:36,859 --> 00:04:40,471 Right now? Shouldn't I train this guy? 82 00:04:40,572 --> 00:04:44,598 I think he can figure out how to sit on his ass and watch TV all day. Let's go. 83 00:04:51,388 --> 00:04:54,322 Gentlemen, meet Joe Bauers... 84 00:04:54,428 --> 00:04:57,428 our first subject for the Human Hibernation Experiment. 85 00:04:57,531 --> 00:04:59,386 Now, as you know, throughout the years... 86 00:04:59,484 --> 00:05:01,851 many of our best pilots, soldiers and military leaders... 87 00:05:01,948 --> 00:05:04,053 often go their entire careers without ever seeing battle. 88 00:05:04,155 --> 00:05:08,695 With the Human Hibernation Project, we will be able to save our best men... 89 00:05:08,795 --> 00:05:11,610 frozen in their prime, for use when they are needed most. 90 00:05:11,708 --> 00:05:15,286 Joe, here, is not one of our best men. 91 00:05:15,388 --> 00:05:19,828 Mr. Bauers was chosen primarily for how remarkably average he is. 92 00:05:19,932 --> 00:05:24,405 Extremely average in every category. Remarkable, truly. 93 00:05:24,507 --> 00:05:27,158 The most average person in our entire armed forces. 94 00:05:27,260 --> 00:05:29,681 Additionally, he has no family, is unmarried... 95 00:05:29,788 --> 00:05:31,992 is an only child, and both parents are deceased... 96 00:05:32,091 --> 00:05:35,604 making him an ideal candidate, with no one to ask any nosy questions... 97 00:05:35,708 --> 00:05:37,683 should something go wrong with the experiment. 98 00:05:37,787 --> 00:05:42,162 We had a little less luck in finding a female researcher's dream within our ranks... 99 00:05:42,268 --> 00:05:46,162 and were forced to look into the private sector. 100 00:05:46,268 --> 00:05:49,584 This is Rita. Like Joe, she has no immediate family. 101 00:05:49,692 --> 00:05:52,310 Rita agreed to participate in this experiment... 102 00:05:52,411 --> 00:05:56,306 in exchange for dropping of certain criminal charges and a small fee. 103 00:05:56,412 --> 00:05:59,957 We did, however, have to come to an arrangement with her pimp... 104 00:06:00,060 --> 00:06:03,922 a gentleman who goes by the name Upgrayedd, which he spells thusly-- 105 00:06:05,468 --> 00:06:09,461 With two D's, as he says, for a double dose of this pimping. 106 00:06:09,564 --> 00:06:11,703 Upgrayedd agreed to loan us Rita for exactly one year... 107 00:06:11,803 --> 00:06:15,000 and keep quiet on the matter, in exchange for certain leeways... 108 00:06:15,100 --> 00:06:18,198 with the local authorities in running his pimp game. 109 00:06:18,300 --> 00:06:22,293 First, however, there was the difficult challenge of gaining his trust. 110 00:06:23,515 --> 00:06:26,068 Collins, could we skip to the technicals, please? 111 00:06:26,172 --> 00:06:28,376 Sure. Let me just finish here. 112 00:06:28,475 --> 00:06:32,599 You see, a pimp's love is very different from that of a square. 113 00:06:32,700 --> 00:06:34,642 Collins! 114 00:06:35,899 --> 00:06:38,266 Fine. We'll move on. 115 00:06:38,364 --> 00:06:41,047 It is a fascinating world though. 116 00:06:53,531 --> 00:06:55,441 Jesus, Collins. 117 00:06:56,796 --> 00:06:59,665 Yeah, that's-- 118 00:07:00,955 --> 00:07:03,573 Anyway, the experiment in which these two subjects... 119 00:07:03,676 --> 00:07:05,585 are to be placed into a dry freeze... 120 00:07:05,692 --> 00:07:07,928 for exactly one year is set to begin tomorrow. 121 00:07:08,027 --> 00:07:10,132 As you know, this is highly classified. 122 00:07:10,236 --> 00:07:15,157 However, if successful, we believe humans can be stored indefinitely. 123 00:07:21,660 --> 00:07:24,976 So this is kinda crazy, huh? 124 00:07:25,084 --> 00:07:28,466 - What unit are you with? - Oh, I ain't in the service. 125 00:07:28,572 --> 00:07:31,321 Oh, private sector. Okay. 126 00:07:31,420 --> 00:07:35,730 - So, uh, what do you do? - A little of this, a little of that. 127 00:07:35,835 --> 00:07:37,941 Wow, that's great. 128 00:07:38,043 --> 00:07:40,760 You know, I really envy people that can make a living that way-- 129 00:07:40,860 --> 00:07:42,802 doing a little of this and a little of that. 130 00:07:42,907 --> 00:07:47,512 I, uh, had a neighbor, Glen. He used to make chainsaw sculptures... 131 00:07:47,611 --> 00:07:49,434 and then he'd sell 'em at the flea market. 132 00:07:49,531 --> 00:07:51,354 Yeah. 133 00:07:53,211 --> 00:07:56,026 So, uh, you an artist or somethin'? 134 00:07:57,243 --> 00:08:00,058 - Uh, yeah. - You do paintings or-- 135 00:08:00,156 --> 00:08:02,523 - Yeah, paintings. - Okay, great. 136 00:08:04,060 --> 00:08:06,613 - Mm-hmm. - What do you paint mostly? 137 00:08:08,188 --> 00:08:12,530 I don't know, just... people and fruit and shit. 138 00:08:12,636 --> 00:08:17,589 Wow. Well, must be great to be able to make a living doing something you love. 139 00:08:17,692 --> 00:08:20,212 Yeah. It's not all it's cracked up to be. 140 00:08:20,316 --> 00:08:21,909 Who wants to go first? 141 00:08:22,011 --> 00:08:24,400 Me. 142 00:08:28,891 --> 00:08:32,121 What the f-- Oh, hell, no. Uh-uh. 143 00:08:32,219 --> 00:08:35,765 Hey, no. You probably don't want to do that with the I.V.s attached and all. 144 00:08:35,868 --> 00:08:38,835 - What's the matter? - Man, Upgrayedd didn't tell me they'd be putting me... 145 00:08:38,939 --> 00:08:40,947 in no damn coffin with tubes and shit! 146 00:08:41,051 --> 00:08:43,921 Oh, no, don't worry about it. It'll be safe. Trust me. 147 00:08:44,027 --> 00:08:45,521 Who's Upgrayedd? 148 00:08:45,628 --> 00:08:47,515 He's my boyfriend. 149 00:08:48,795 --> 00:08:50,683 Man, how do you know this shit's safe? 150 00:08:50,780 --> 00:08:52,602 These guys know what they're doing. Don't worry. 151 00:08:52,700 --> 00:08:55,350 They've tested it on dogs and everything. 152 00:08:55,451 --> 00:08:58,201 What happens is, the drugs will kick in, we drift off to sleep... 153 00:08:58,300 --> 00:09:00,209 we wake up in a year, you'll be paintin' again. 154 00:09:00,315 --> 00:09:02,225 - It'll be fine. - All right. 155 00:09:02,331 --> 00:09:06,074 Upgrayedd. That's an interesting name. Is he Dutch? 156 00:09:07,356 --> 00:09:10,552 See, 'cause I knew this, uh, Dutch exchange student. 157 00:09:10,652 --> 00:09:12,114 His name was Untgrad. 158 00:09:12,220 --> 00:09:14,162 Okay, my niggas, we're almost set here. 159 00:09:14,268 --> 00:09:16,951 Just go ahead and lie down. Relax. 160 00:09:25,852 --> 00:09:27,575 See you in a year. 161 00:09:27,676 --> 00:09:30,229 The Human Hibernation Project... 162 00:09:30,331 --> 00:09:33,234 was one of the army's most ambitious experiments... 163 00:09:33,340 --> 00:09:36,057 and one of its most secretive. 164 00:09:36,156 --> 00:09:38,490 But it was not immune from human error. 165 00:09:41,212 --> 00:09:43,034 Freeze! 166 00:09:51,324 --> 00:09:54,902 Soon after Collins's arrest and the massive scandal that followed... 167 00:09:55,004 --> 00:09:57,655 the base was closed. 168 00:09:57,755 --> 00:10:02,262 It hadn't even been a year, and the entire project was simply forgotten. 169 00:10:04,540 --> 00:10:08,151 Things looked bleak for Joe, but they were even worse for mankind. 170 00:10:08,252 --> 00:10:11,383 As Joe and Rita lay dormant, the years passed... 171 00:10:11,484 --> 00:10:15,346 and mankind became stupider at a frightening rate. 172 00:10:23,675 --> 00:10:27,320 Some had high hopes that genetic engineering... 173 00:10:27,419 --> 00:10:29,329 would correct this trend in evolution. 174 00:10:29,435 --> 00:10:32,469 But sadly, the greatest minds and resources... 175 00:10:32,571 --> 00:10:37,241 were focused on conquering hair loss and prolonging erections. 176 00:10:39,708 --> 00:10:44,923 Meanwhile, the population exploded, and intelligence continued to decline... 177 00:10:45,020 --> 00:10:49,427 until humanity was incapable of solving even its most basic problems. 178 00:10:49,532 --> 00:10:54,321 Like garbage, which had been stacked for centuries with no plan whatsoever... 179 00:10:54,428 --> 00:10:59,097 leading to the Great Garbage Avalanche of 2505... 180 00:10:59,195 --> 00:11:04,313 which would set in motion the events that would change the world forever. 181 00:11:36,956 --> 00:11:39,606 - Hold on. - Next, on The Violence Channel... 182 00:11:39,707 --> 00:11:41,846 an all-new Ow! My Balls! 183 00:11:53,819 --> 00:11:57,529 All right. 184 00:12:04,252 --> 00:12:06,641 That guy got hit in the balls. 185 00:12:06,747 --> 00:12:09,169 Ow, my balls! 186 00:12:12,988 --> 00:12:14,810 Huh? 187 00:12:22,236 --> 00:12:24,625 - Where's-- - Hold on. Shut up! 188 00:12:36,571 --> 00:12:38,775 - Where's Officer Collins? - Shut up! 189 00:12:38,875 --> 00:12:42,355 Next week on Ow! My Balls! Hormel goes to Paris! 190 00:12:42,460 --> 00:12:46,999 - Are we on base? - I'm gonna base your ass on my fist. 191 00:12:47,100 --> 00:12:50,395 In your face, ass! Shut up. 192 00:12:50,492 --> 00:12:52,532 I'm sorry. It's just-- Where am I? 193 00:12:52,635 --> 00:12:54,741 Shut up! I told you already! 194 00:13:01,660 --> 00:13:04,693 Yeah! Wouldn't shut up! 195 00:13:04,795 --> 00:13:06,388 Come in here and not shut up. 196 00:13:06,492 --> 00:13:09,907 Yeah, you were like, "I'm not shuttin' up," and I was like-- 197 00:13:24,476 --> 00:13:26,777 Unaware of what year it was... 198 00:13:26,875 --> 00:13:29,745 Joe wandered the streets, desperate for help. 199 00:13:29,852 --> 00:13:32,121 But the English language had deteriorated... 200 00:13:32,220 --> 00:13:37,108 into a hybrid of hillbilly, valley girl, inner-city slang and various grunts. 201 00:13:37,212 --> 00:13:40,507 Joe was able to understand them... 202 00:13:40,604 --> 00:13:43,833 but when he spoke in an ordinary voice... 203 00:13:43,932 --> 00:13:46,419 he sounded pompous and faggy to them. 204 00:14:01,980 --> 00:14:05,209 Paging Doc-- 205 00:14:08,667 --> 00:14:11,482 Report to, uh-- 206 00:14:11,580 --> 00:14:15,802 Dr. Lueboo... 207 00:14:15,899 --> 00:14:17,077 uh, report. 208 00:14:17,180 --> 00:14:19,929 Your floor-Your floor is now clean. 209 00:14:20,027 --> 00:14:22,166 Your floor-- Your floor is now clean. 210 00:14:22,267 --> 00:14:24,536 Your floor-- Your floor is now clean. 211 00:14:24,635 --> 00:14:29,556 Hi, uh, I was in an army experiment, and I'm not feeling so well. 212 00:14:29,660 --> 00:14:32,147 I think it might have been the drugs they had me on. 213 00:14:32,252 --> 00:14:34,292 I've been hallucinating. 214 00:14:34,395 --> 00:14:36,762 My head is just killin' me. 215 00:14:36,859 --> 00:14:39,761 My-My-My joints are all achy and I-- 216 00:14:41,436 --> 00:14:43,258 Is this a hospital or-- 217 00:14:43,356 --> 00:14:47,317 Actually, I don't even know where I am. 218 00:14:47,419 --> 00:14:49,558 Please proceed to the diagnostic area on the right... 219 00:14:49,660 --> 00:14:53,816 - and have a healthy day! - Oh. Thanks. 220 00:14:53,916 --> 00:14:55,607 Thank you! 221 00:15:06,267 --> 00:15:10,195 Uh, 'scuse me. I think this might be Gatorade or somethin'. 222 00:15:10,300 --> 00:15:13,082 - I was just looking for some regular water. - Water? 223 00:15:13,180 --> 00:15:16,082 - Yeah. - You mean like in the toilet? What for? 224 00:15:16,188 --> 00:15:18,970 You know, just to drink. 225 00:15:26,812 --> 00:15:28,600 You've got hepatitis! 226 00:15:28,699 --> 00:15:31,350 Oh, is someone not feeling well? 227 00:15:31,452 --> 00:15:34,867 Your illness is very important to us. 228 00:15:34,971 --> 00:15:37,721 - Next. - Welcome to the Healthmaster Inferno... 229 00:15:37,820 --> 00:15:39,762 - powered by Jormi Technology. - Uh, this goes in your mouth. 230 00:15:39,867 --> 00:15:45,082 This one goes in your ear. And this one goes in your butt. 231 00:15:47,740 --> 00:15:48,885 Come on. 232 00:15:48,988 --> 00:15:51,770 - Hurry up, asshole! - Come on! 233 00:15:53,500 --> 00:15:55,639 Shit. Hang on a second. 234 00:15:57,340 --> 00:15:59,674 This one-- No. 235 00:15:59,771 --> 00:16:01,527 - Hey, come on. - Uh-- 236 00:16:01,628 --> 00:16:04,694 - Hurry up! - This one. This one goes in your mouth. 237 00:16:06,972 --> 00:16:08,794 Come on! 238 00:16:14,108 --> 00:16:17,010 Thank you for waiting. Dr. Lexus will be with you shortly. 239 00:16:22,332 --> 00:16:25,015 That's a weird misprint. 240 00:16:26,299 --> 00:16:30,009 Hey. How's it hang, ese? 241 00:16:30,108 --> 00:16:33,653 Yeah. Right. Well, not so good, you know. 242 00:16:33,756 --> 00:16:36,625 I don't really know what's going on, but I'm seein' things. 243 00:16:36,732 --> 00:16:39,514 I think it might be because of these drugs the army put me on. 244 00:16:39,612 --> 00:16:43,157 But, if you could, uh, just get me well enough to get back to base-- 245 00:16:43,260 --> 00:16:45,813 Right. Kick ass. 246 00:16:45,915 --> 00:16:48,915 Well, don't wanna sound like a dick or nothin'... 247 00:16:49,020 --> 00:16:51,737 but, uh, it says on your chart that you're fucked up. 248 00:16:51,836 --> 00:16:55,185 You talk like a fag, and your shit's all retarded. 249 00:16:55,292 --> 00:16:59,482 What I'd do is just like, like, you know... 250 00:16:59,580 --> 00:17:02,875 like, you know what I mean? Like-- 251 00:17:02,972 --> 00:17:07,063 - No, I'm serious here. - Don't worry, scrot. 252 00:17:07,164 --> 00:17:10,066 Now there are plenty of 'tards out there living really kick-ass lives. 253 00:17:10,171 --> 00:17:13,401 My first wife was 'tarded. She's a pilot now. 254 00:17:13,499 --> 00:17:17,209 I need for you to be serious for a second here, okay? I need help. 255 00:17:17,308 --> 00:17:18,999 There's that fag talk we talked about. 256 00:17:19,099 --> 00:17:22,776 All right, so that'll be... this many dollars. 257 00:17:22,876 --> 00:17:26,771 And if you could just go ahead and, like, put your tattoo in that shit. 258 00:17:26,875 --> 00:17:30,650 That's weird. This thing has the same misprint as that magazine. 259 00:17:30,748 --> 00:17:34,642 - What are the odds of-- - Where's your tattoo? Tattoo? 260 00:17:34,748 --> 00:17:37,399 Why don't you have this? 261 00:17:39,996 --> 00:17:41,818 Oh, God. 262 00:17:44,380 --> 00:17:46,768 - Where's your tattoo? - Oh, my God. 263 00:17:46,876 --> 00:17:49,243 Why come you don't have a tattoo? 264 00:17:50,779 --> 00:17:53,714 - Oh, my God! - You're not unscannable, are you? 265 00:17:54,908 --> 00:17:57,013 Oh, my God! 266 00:17:57,116 --> 00:18:00,411 You're unscannable. 267 00:18:00,508 --> 00:18:03,191 - Unscannable! - No! No, you don't understand! 268 00:18:03,292 --> 00:18:05,747 You gotta let me talk to someone in the army! Wait a second. 269 00:18:05,851 --> 00:18:08,568 They're all dead. Everybody I know's dead! 270 00:18:08,667 --> 00:18:10,325 Oh, my God! Oh! 271 00:18:12,315 --> 00:18:15,349 - No! Stop! Calm down! - Calm down! Calm down! 272 00:18:15,451 --> 00:18:17,524 - How'd this happen? - How did it happen? 273 00:18:17,628 --> 00:18:20,726 Your floor is now clean. 274 00:18:20,828 --> 00:18:22,999 Your floor is now clean. 275 00:18:42,556 --> 00:18:46,331 Joe had awakened to a world in crisis. 276 00:18:46,428 --> 00:18:49,526 The economy was in a state of deep neglect. 277 00:18:49,628 --> 00:18:52,944 A great dust bowl had ravaged food supplies. 278 00:18:53,052 --> 00:18:57,689 And the number one movie in the country was called Ass. 279 00:18:59,420 --> 00:19:02,420 And that's all it was for 90 minutes. 280 00:19:04,507 --> 00:19:09,396 It won eight Oscars that year, including best screenplay. 281 00:19:13,308 --> 00:19:16,275 Enjoy your Extra Big-Ass Fries. 282 00:19:16,379 --> 00:19:19,249 You didn't gimme no fries. I got an empty box. 283 00:19:19,355 --> 00:19:22,072 Would you like another Extra Big-Ass Fries? 284 00:19:22,172 --> 00:19:23,798 I said I didn't get any. 285 00:19:23,899 --> 00:19:25,688 Thank you. Your account has been charged. 286 00:19:25,788 --> 00:19:27,610 Your balance is zero. 287 00:19:27,708 --> 00:19:31,057 - What? Oh, no. No! - Please come back when you can afford to make a purchase. 288 00:19:31,164 --> 00:19:32,986 I'm sorry you're having trouble. 289 00:19:33,084 --> 00:19:35,506 - Come on! My kids are starvin'. - I'm sorry you're having trouble. 290 00:19:37,916 --> 00:19:40,305 This should help you calm down. 291 00:19:40,412 --> 00:19:43,162 Please come back when you can afford to make a purchase. 292 00:19:43,259 --> 00:19:48,245 Your kids are starving. Carl's Jr. believes no child should go hungry. 293 00:19:48,347 --> 00:19:53,104 You are an unfit mother. Your children will be placed in the custody of Carl's Jr. 294 00:19:53,211 --> 00:19:56,113 Carl's Jr. "Fuck you. I'm eating." 295 00:19:57,403 --> 00:19:59,159 Welcome to Carl's Jr. 296 00:19:59,260 --> 00:20:02,708 Would you like to try our Extra Big-Ass Taco... 297 00:20:02,811 --> 00:20:05,266 now with more molecules? 298 00:20:05,372 --> 00:20:08,241 Hey! Is this particular individual the unfit mother? 299 00:20:08,348 --> 00:20:12,123 - Me? No. - Okay. This particular individual is unscannable. 300 00:20:15,356 --> 00:20:17,527 Listen, I can explain, okay? I was in an army experiment. 301 00:20:20,316 --> 00:20:22,803 Wait a second. There's the other pod from the army experiment. 302 00:20:22,907 --> 00:20:25,078 There was a girl. She was from the same experiment. 303 00:20:25,180 --> 00:20:28,409 Yeah, that's enough of your bullshit, sir. 304 00:20:28,508 --> 00:20:30,450 Joe was arrested for not paying his hospital bill... 305 00:20:30,555 --> 00:20:33,851 and not having his U.P.C. tattoo. 306 00:20:33,948 --> 00:20:39,032 He would soon discover that in the future, justice was not only blind... 307 00:20:39,131 --> 00:20:42,776 but had become rather retarded as well. 308 00:20:42,875 --> 00:20:45,723 You shut up! Now-- 309 00:20:47,356 --> 00:20:49,974 I'm fixin' to commensurate this trial here. 310 00:20:50,076 --> 00:20:54,516 We gonna see if we can't come up with a verdict up in here. 311 00:20:54,620 --> 00:20:58,613 Now, since y'all say you ain't got no money... 312 00:20:58,716 --> 00:21:01,912 we have "proprietarily" obtained for you... 313 00:21:02,012 --> 00:21:05,689 one of them court-appointed lawyers. 314 00:21:05,788 --> 00:21:10,610 So, put your hands together and give it up for Frito Pendejo. 315 00:21:10,715 --> 00:21:12,373 You're my lawyer? 316 00:21:12,475 --> 00:21:16,632 Says here you, uh, robbed a hospital? 317 00:21:16,731 --> 00:21:19,033 - Why'd you do that? - Yeah. I'm not guilty. 318 00:21:19,132 --> 00:21:21,815 - That's not what the other lawyer said. - What do you mean what the-- 319 00:21:21,916 --> 00:21:23,803 Listen, you gotta get me on the stand, okay? 320 00:21:23,899 --> 00:21:26,769 I can explain everything. We can take 'em to your house, show 'em the pod. 321 00:21:26,875 --> 00:21:29,046 Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! 322 00:21:29,147 --> 00:21:32,442 Now, prosecutor, why you think he done it? 323 00:21:32,539 --> 00:21:35,441 Okay, number one, Your Honor, just look at him. 324 00:21:37,980 --> 00:21:40,849 He talks like a fag too. 325 00:21:40,956 --> 00:21:44,501 And "B," we've got all this, like, evidence... 326 00:21:44,604 --> 00:21:47,419 of how, like, this guy didn't even pay at the hospital. 327 00:21:47,516 --> 00:21:50,330 And I heard that he doesn't even have his tattoo. 328 00:21:50,427 --> 00:21:52,599 I know! 329 00:21:52,699 --> 00:21:56,082 And I'm all, "You've gotta be shittin' me." But check this out, man. 330 00:21:56,187 --> 00:21:58,969 Judge should be like, "Guilty." Peace. 331 00:22:03,867 --> 00:22:07,031 - Objection! - What are you objectifyin' on? 332 00:22:07,132 --> 00:22:09,303 - Come on. Just get me on the stand. - Okay. 333 00:22:10,300 --> 00:22:12,918 - Um, Your Honor? - Hmm? 334 00:22:13,019 --> 00:22:14,775 I object... 335 00:22:14,875 --> 00:22:18,705 that this guy also broke my apartment to shit. 336 00:22:18,812 --> 00:22:20,721 - Yeah. - What? 337 00:22:20,828 --> 00:22:25,170 And you know what else? I object that he's not gonna have any money to pay me... 338 00:22:25,276 --> 00:22:28,276 after he pays back all the money he stole from the hospital! 339 00:22:28,379 --> 00:22:30,289 Don't say I stole. You're my lawyer. 340 00:22:30,395 --> 00:22:32,250 And I object. 341 00:22:32,348 --> 00:22:36,057 I object that he interrupted me while I was watching Ow! My Balls! 342 00:22:36,155 --> 00:22:40,433 That is not okay! And I rest my case! 343 00:22:40,540 --> 00:22:42,842 Your Honor, I'm pretty sure we have a mistrial here, sir. 344 00:22:42,940 --> 00:22:46,169 - I'm gonna mistrial my foot up your ass, you don't shut up. 345 00:22:46,267 --> 00:22:48,634 - Please, listen. - "Please, listen." 346 00:22:48,731 --> 00:22:50,389 I didn't steal anything. 347 00:22:50,492 --> 00:22:52,314 I was part of an army experiment-- 348 00:22:52,412 --> 00:22:55,281 Joe stated his case logically and passionately... 349 00:22:55,388 --> 00:23:00,276 but his perceived effeminate voice only drew big gales of stupid laughter. 350 00:23:00,380 --> 00:23:01,973 Guilty! 351 00:23:02,075 --> 00:23:06,516 Without adequate legal representation, Joe was given a stiff sentence. 352 00:23:06,619 --> 00:23:11,126 Meanwhile, Rita had awakened to find that the world's oldest profession... 353 00:23:11,227 --> 00:23:14,332 was a lot easier when the world is populated by morons. 354 00:23:14,365 --> 00:23:15,160 was a lot easier when the world is populated by morons. 355 00:23:15,259 --> 00:23:18,837 Welcome to AOL, Time Warner, Taco Bell, U.S. Government long distance. 356 00:23:18,940 --> 00:23:21,209 Please say the name of the person you wish to call. 357 00:23:21,308 --> 00:23:23,064 Upgrayedd. 358 00:23:24,155 --> 00:23:28,530 There are 9,726 listings for Upgrayedd. 359 00:23:28,636 --> 00:23:30,807 Please deposit $2,000 to begin connection. 360 00:23:30,908 --> 00:23:32,730 - Man, what? - Oh, yeah, baby. 361 00:23:32,828 --> 00:23:35,195 Hey, look, can you just-- can you wait a second, please? 362 00:23:35,292 --> 00:23:39,482 Oh, yeah, baby. I can wait so good. 363 00:23:40,475 --> 00:23:42,330 Really? 364 00:23:43,580 --> 00:23:45,816 Think, uh-You think maybe you could wait a day? 365 00:23:45,916 --> 00:23:47,956 Baby, I can wait two days. 366 00:23:48,059 --> 00:23:52,435 Huh. That's good, 'cause I charge by the hour. 367 00:23:52,540 --> 00:23:56,315 Oh, yeah? Well, you gonna be glad you waited, baby. 368 00:23:56,412 --> 00:23:58,234 Thank you very much, young man. 369 00:24:00,412 --> 00:24:02,005 What the fuck? 370 00:24:02,107 --> 00:24:04,529 Goddamn, shit's changed in a year. 371 00:24:06,460 --> 00:24:08,282 What are we doin' here? 372 00:24:08,380 --> 00:24:10,768 Okay, sir, we're engaged in procuring your tattoo. 373 00:24:13,660 --> 00:24:16,693 Welcome to the Identity Processing Program of America. 374 00:24:16,795 --> 00:24:21,268 Please insert your forearm into the forearm receptacle. 375 00:24:22,332 --> 00:24:24,154 Thank you. 376 00:24:24,252 --> 00:24:28,048 Please speak your name as it appears on your current federal identity card-- 377 00:24:28,156 --> 00:24:31,418 - Document number G24L8. - I'm not sure if-- 378 00:24:31,515 --> 00:24:35,345 You have entered the name "Not Sure." Is this correct, Not Sure? 379 00:24:35,451 --> 00:24:37,274 No, it's not correct. 380 00:24:37,371 --> 00:24:40,819 Thank you. "Not" is correct. Is "Sure" correct? 381 00:24:40,924 --> 00:24:42,866 No, it's not. My name is Joe-- 382 00:24:42,971 --> 00:24:44,727 You've already confirmed your first name is Not. 383 00:24:44,828 --> 00:24:48,308 - Please confirm your last name, "Sure." - My-- 384 00:24:48,412 --> 00:24:50,714 My last name is not Sure. 385 00:24:50,811 --> 00:24:53,332 - Thank you, Not Sure. - No. What I mean is my name is Joe. 386 00:24:53,435 --> 00:24:58,553 Confirmation is complete. Please wait while I tattoo your new identity on your arm. 387 00:25:00,571 --> 00:25:03,288 - Wait a second. Can we start over? Can I cancel this? 388 00:25:03,387 --> 00:25:05,722 Can we cancel this and just go back to the beginning? 389 00:25:05,819 --> 00:25:08,918 They're gonna tat-- Ow. Could I speak to your supervisor? 390 00:25:09,020 --> 00:25:11,922 - Ow! - Please hold still for your photograph. 391 00:25:21,052 --> 00:25:23,507 Oh, that's fuckin' great. 392 00:25:25,948 --> 00:25:27,770 Okay, sir... 393 00:25:27,868 --> 00:25:32,024 now we will begin to proceed to obtain your I.Q. and "apitude" tests. 394 00:25:32,124 --> 00:25:33,979 What for? 395 00:25:34,076 --> 00:25:38,134 Okay, sir, this is to figure out what your "aptude's" good at... 396 00:25:38,236 --> 00:25:43,157 and get you a jail job while you're being a particular individual in jail. 397 00:25:43,259 --> 00:25:46,074 If you have one bucket that holds two gallons... 398 00:25:46,172 --> 00:25:48,627 and another bucket that holds five gallons... 399 00:25:48,732 --> 00:25:51,382 how many buckets do you have? 400 00:25:53,244 --> 00:25:55,066 Two? 401 00:25:55,164 --> 00:25:57,051 Thank you. 402 00:26:35,387 --> 00:26:37,274 'Too. 403 00:26:58,876 --> 00:27:01,429 Desperate and scared... 404 00:27:01,531 --> 00:27:04,215 Joe used his superior intelligence... 405 00:27:04,316 --> 00:27:07,098 to come up with the best escape plan he could think of. 406 00:27:07,196 --> 00:27:12,597 Hi. Excuse me. I'm actually supposed to be getting out of prison today, sir. 407 00:27:13,755 --> 00:27:15,730 Yeah. 408 00:27:15,836 --> 00:27:18,650 You're in the wrong line, dumb ass. Over there. 409 00:27:18,747 --> 00:27:21,911 I'm sorry. I am being a big dumb ass. Sorry. 410 00:27:22,012 --> 00:27:23,605 Hey, uh, let this dumb ass through. 411 00:27:39,963 --> 00:27:42,549 - 'Too. - Yeah. Got it. 412 00:27:44,860 --> 00:27:50,010 Uh, yeah, I don't see you in here. So, you're gonna have to, uh, stay in prison. 413 00:27:50,108 --> 00:27:51,930 Could you check again? 414 00:27:52,028 --> 00:27:54,963 'Cause, I was, you know-- I was definitely in prison, okay? 415 00:27:55,067 --> 00:27:58,842 I got sat on my face and everything. Maybe check those files back there? 416 00:28:05,148 --> 00:28:09,239 "Excape." "Excape." 417 00:28:09,340 --> 00:28:11,795 "Excape." "Excape." 418 00:28:11,899 --> 00:28:15,511 "Excape." "Excape." 419 00:28:32,155 --> 00:28:33,977 The Masturbation Network. 420 00:28:34,075 --> 00:28:37,424 Keepin' America 'batin' for 300 years. 421 00:28:37,531 --> 00:28:40,117 And now, Sweet Bang Tube. 422 00:28:40,220 --> 00:28:44,791 Oh, yeah, give me some. Cut me a piece. 423 00:28:44,891 --> 00:28:46,801 Oh, yeah, that's-- 424 00:28:46,907 --> 00:28:48,729 Go away! 'Batin'! 425 00:28:50,747 --> 00:28:52,852 Damn it. 426 00:28:52,956 --> 00:28:55,345 All right. 427 00:28:57,275 --> 00:29:00,090 Hey. Hey, get out of here. Hey, get out of here! 428 00:29:00,188 --> 00:29:04,116 No, wait, listen. You let me, an innocent man, get thrown in jail. 429 00:29:04,220 --> 00:29:07,449 So? Shut up, 'cause you broke my house. 430 00:29:07,548 --> 00:29:10,362 Hey, I could have you disbarred-- disbarred-- for what you did to me. 431 00:29:10,459 --> 00:29:13,012 Then maybe you'd go to jail for not havin' any money. 432 00:29:13,116 --> 00:29:15,123 Oh, really? 433 00:29:15,228 --> 00:29:18,391 Yeah, really. Now, look. Okay, here's the deal. 434 00:29:18,491 --> 00:29:20,401 I've been thinking. It's been 500 years. 435 00:29:20,507 --> 00:29:23,354 Someone has to have invented a way to travel back in time by now. 436 00:29:23,451 --> 00:29:26,234 You know, I think they were pretty close even in my day. You know? 437 00:29:26,331 --> 00:29:28,154 - With Einstein and guys like that? - Uh-huh. 438 00:29:28,251 --> 00:29:30,706 - You know, scientists? You know? - Uh. 439 00:29:31,995 --> 00:29:33,818 A time machine, for time travel. 440 00:29:33,915 --> 00:29:36,436 - Do they have one? - What? 441 00:29:40,571 --> 00:29:44,313 Jesus. I knew that was too much to hope for. 442 00:29:45,371 --> 00:29:47,411 No, no, they got a time machine. 443 00:29:47,516 --> 00:29:49,338 - They do? - Yeah. 444 00:29:49,436 --> 00:29:51,258 - Are-Are-Are you sure? - Yeah. 445 00:29:51,356 --> 00:29:55,033 - Can it get me back to 2005? - Oh, yeah, but it's, like, really expensive. 446 00:29:55,131 --> 00:29:58,230 And it breaks all the time 'cause some smart guy made it a long time ago. 447 00:29:58,332 --> 00:30:00,404 I don't care. Just get me there, okay? 448 00:30:00,508 --> 00:30:01,915 - Well-- - Please! 449 00:30:02,011 --> 00:30:05,110 Listen, I-- I-- I "supersize" with you... 450 00:30:05,212 --> 00:30:07,863 but didn't you go to jail for not havin' enough money? 451 00:30:07,963 --> 00:30:11,924 Okay, how about this? You get me to the time machine, and when I get back... 452 00:30:12,028 --> 00:30:13,937 I open a savings account in your name. 453 00:30:14,044 --> 00:30:16,465 That way, 500 years later, it'll be worth billions. 454 00:30:16,572 --> 00:30:18,033 - Billions! - 'Cause? 455 00:30:18,140 --> 00:30:20,857 'Cause of the interest, it'll be worth billions of dollars. 456 00:30:20,955 --> 00:30:23,411 - Oh, I-- I like money. - Yeah. 457 00:30:23,515 --> 00:30:26,385 - How many billions? - Like, 10. 458 00:30:26,492 --> 00:30:29,525 Yeah, suck one. Time machine costs, like, 20. 459 00:30:29,627 --> 00:30:32,310 Yeah? Okay. Uh, 30, Frito. 460 00:30:32,411 --> 00:30:35,445 Thirty billion dollars. 461 00:30:35,547 --> 00:30:39,802 Thirty billion. So if you gave me 30 billion... 462 00:30:39,899 --> 00:30:41,809 and the time machine's 20-- 463 00:30:41,915 --> 00:30:43,770 What's the minus of 30 and 20? 464 00:30:43,868 --> 00:30:46,486 Uh, it's, uh-- it's 80, Frito. 465 00:30:46,588 --> 00:30:49,009 It's $80 billion. That's a mighty big minus, isn't it? 466 00:30:49,116 --> 00:30:52,694 - Yeah. I like money though. - Police! Open the door! 467 00:30:52,796 --> 00:30:54,868 We're looking for an "excaped" individual. 468 00:30:54,972 --> 00:30:58,419 - This particular individual's name is Not Sure. - Eighty billion. 469 00:30:58,524 --> 00:31:02,353 Oh, um, he-- He's... somewhere else. 470 00:31:02,460 --> 00:31:06,616 - You got something I can wear? - Yeah. There's Pro-Wear on the top, assorted in the middle. 471 00:31:06,715 --> 00:31:08,755 A Coke machine in the vicinity caught his tattoo. 472 00:31:08,860 --> 00:31:11,510 Seemed to be heading for this particular "domistile." 473 00:31:11,612 --> 00:31:13,914 Okay, sir, we're comin' in. 474 00:31:14,011 --> 00:31:16,215 - No, you can't come in. - Can too! 475 00:31:16,315 --> 00:31:18,290 - Come on! - All right, let's go get my billions. 476 00:31:20,507 --> 00:31:24,402 Oh, okay, one more thing. We gotta go find this girl, Rita, first, okay? 477 00:31:24,507 --> 00:31:27,158 - Is she bangin'? - Yeah, sure, she is. 478 00:31:27,260 --> 00:31:29,082 That wasn't really part of the deal. 479 00:31:29,180 --> 00:31:32,922 - Okay, I'll, uh, throw in another couple billion, all right? - I like money. 480 00:31:33,020 --> 00:31:35,954 Okay, her pod's up here on the right. She shouldn't be far away, I hope. 481 00:31:36,060 --> 00:31:40,632 Mmm, girl. Oh, yeah? So when we gonna do it? 482 00:31:40,731 --> 00:31:43,928 'Cause you been chargin' me by the hour, and it's been, like, three days. 483 00:31:44,028 --> 00:31:47,857 Oh, yeah. Soon, baby, soon. Hey, you know what? 484 00:31:47,963 --> 00:31:50,484 Why don't you come back tomorrow? 485 00:31:50,587 --> 00:31:53,108 - Yeah, yeah, baby, yeah! - Yeah? 486 00:31:53,211 --> 00:31:56,245 When I finally utilize you, you gonna be paying me. 487 00:31:56,347 --> 00:31:59,664 That's right. Whatever you say, sir. 488 00:31:59,771 --> 00:32:02,138 - Hey, you still on the clock! - Yeah, girl. 489 00:32:02,236 --> 00:32:05,236 - Thank you! - Rita! 490 00:32:05,339 --> 00:32:09,049 Rita! It's me, Joe, from the experiment. Get in the car! Come on. 491 00:32:09,148 --> 00:32:11,352 Oh, yeah! What the hell, man? 492 00:32:11,451 --> 00:32:13,274 Just get in the car. I'll explain everything. 493 00:32:13,371 --> 00:32:15,760 - Where we going? - Just get in the car. 494 00:32:15,868 --> 00:32:17,940 - Trust me. - What happened to those army guys? 495 00:32:20,699 --> 00:32:23,088 Wait a minute. You got cops after you? 496 00:32:23,196 --> 00:32:26,676 - Yeah. - And you made me get in the car? I got two strikes, asshole! 497 00:32:26,780 --> 00:32:29,147 Frito, take a right here. Right, right! 498 00:32:29,243 --> 00:32:31,131 Into that dust storm, Frito. 499 00:32:37,052 --> 00:32:39,027 They must have just forgotten about us. 500 00:32:39,131 --> 00:32:42,393 It's been 500 years? Oh, hell, no! 501 00:32:42,492 --> 00:32:46,518 Upgrayedd is gonna kill me! He gets mad when I'm a day late with his money! 502 00:32:46,619 --> 00:32:48,627 So, you owe your boyfriend money? 503 00:32:48,731 --> 00:32:51,120 Well, yeah, he's sort of my manager too. 504 00:32:51,228 --> 00:32:54,872 You know, he helps me sell the paintings and shit. 505 00:32:54,972 --> 00:33:00,089 Look, Rita, you gotta understand that Upgrayedd's been dead for a long time now. 506 00:33:00,188 --> 00:33:02,871 - Yeah, man, but you said there was a time machine, right? - Yeah. 507 00:33:02,972 --> 00:33:06,355 Yeah, there's a time machine now that can take us back to the past... 508 00:33:06,460 --> 00:33:08,762 but there was no time machine back then, so-- 509 00:33:08,860 --> 00:33:11,674 Upgrayedd don't care where the time machine is. Now, then, last week-- 510 00:33:11,771 --> 00:33:14,619 He will find a way to come get his money! 511 00:33:14,715 --> 00:33:17,683 - All I'm saying is you don't have to worry about it-- - You know what? 512 00:33:17,787 --> 00:33:20,242 Last time you told me not to worry was 500 goddamn years ago... 513 00:33:20,348 --> 00:33:22,617 when you were trying to tell me to get into some coffin. 514 00:33:22,716 --> 00:33:24,625 Look, Rita, I don't know how this happened, okay? 515 00:33:24,732 --> 00:33:27,896 But I'm doing everything I can to get us back there, okay? I promise you. 516 00:33:27,995 --> 00:33:31,410 You are harboring a fugitive by the name of Not Sure. 517 00:33:31,516 --> 00:33:34,996 Please, pull over and wait for the police to incarcerate your passenger. 518 00:33:35,100 --> 00:33:37,882 - Hell, no. You know what? Let me outta here. - Thank you for your help. 519 00:33:37,980 --> 00:33:40,119 If you don't have one of these, they're gonna throw you in jail. 520 00:33:40,219 --> 00:33:43,089 You don't want to get thrown in the jails here. I've been in them. 521 00:33:43,195 --> 00:33:45,813 They're bad. You're better off being with us, as bad as that sounds. 522 00:33:45,916 --> 00:33:49,745 - What are you doing? Why are we slowing down? - Turned off my battery. 523 00:33:54,011 --> 00:33:57,328 Look, how far is it? Can we just take a cab or something? 524 00:34:01,020 --> 00:34:02,230 Oh, shit. 525 00:34:09,852 --> 00:34:12,372 Oh! Oh, shit! 526 00:34:12,476 --> 00:34:14,614 Yeah! 527 00:34:14,716 --> 00:34:17,880 What the hell's wrong with you? That's your car. 528 00:34:19,035 --> 00:34:22,614 Oh, hell, yeah! He's on fire! 529 00:34:22,715 --> 00:34:24,439 Come on! Let's get out of here. 530 00:34:33,531 --> 00:34:35,441 Hey, how much farther is it? 531 00:34:36,700 --> 00:34:39,417 Uh, it's, like, far. 532 00:34:39,516 --> 00:34:42,811 Man, I could really go for a Starbucks, you know? 533 00:34:42,908 --> 00:34:46,323 Yeah, well, I really don't think we have time for a hand job, Joe. 534 00:34:51,867 --> 00:34:54,737 Man, he don't seem too bright. You sure he knows where he's going? 535 00:34:54,843 --> 00:34:56,948 I sure hope so. He's our only chance. 536 00:34:57,052 --> 00:35:00,434 How'd you hook up with this guy, anyway? 537 00:35:00,540 --> 00:35:04,631 He's my lawyer. And he's not a very good one either. 538 00:35:04,732 --> 00:35:07,187 He's a goddamned idiot. 539 00:35:07,291 --> 00:35:11,896 There's a shuttle down in the Costco. It'll drop us right by the time machine. 540 00:35:29,436 --> 00:35:32,981 Jesus Christ. Oh, look. One more thing. 541 00:35:33,084 --> 00:35:36,346 He thinks he's gonna get billions of dollars if he takes us there. 542 00:35:36,443 --> 00:35:40,404 So if he mentions anything about a savings account, just play along, okay? 543 00:35:40,508 --> 00:35:42,330 Yeah, what if this time machine don't work? 544 00:35:42,428 --> 00:35:45,592 Then I'll spend the rest of my life trying to fix it. 545 00:35:50,171 --> 00:35:55,474 Welcome to Costco. I love you. Welcome to Costco. I love you. 546 00:35:56,539 --> 00:35:58,808 Welcome to Costco. I love you. 547 00:36:00,827 --> 00:36:04,471 Shuttle's down there in electronics, about an hour from here. 548 00:36:12,092 --> 00:36:14,328 We've been walking forever. You sure you know where you're going? 549 00:36:14,427 --> 00:36:17,776 Yeah, I know this place pretty good. I went to law school here. 550 00:36:17,884 --> 00:36:19,738 In Costco? 551 00:36:19,835 --> 00:36:22,137 Yeah. I couldn't believe it myself. 552 00:36:22,236 --> 00:36:25,749 Luckily, my dad was an alumnus and pulled some strings. 553 00:36:27,132 --> 00:36:29,815 Hey, come on, Joe. I already told you... 554 00:36:29,916 --> 00:36:32,883 we'd all like a hand job, but we don't have time for it. 555 00:36:42,236 --> 00:36:44,058 Hey, baby, wanna go out? 556 00:36:44,156 --> 00:36:46,611 Wanna go out, honey? 557 00:36:53,052 --> 00:36:55,572 Shuttle comes every few minutes. Shouldn't be long. 558 00:36:55,676 --> 00:36:59,254 Do I got time to use the bathroom? 559 00:37:01,371 --> 00:37:03,957 - Uh, the toilet. - Be right back. 560 00:37:04,828 --> 00:37:07,195 Yeah, back that thing up. 561 00:37:07,291 --> 00:37:09,495 - Hey, you mind if I pound on that, Joe? - What? 562 00:37:09,595 --> 00:37:11,351 - I like having sex with chicks. - Yeah? 563 00:37:11,452 --> 00:37:13,274 - Yeah. - I think everybody does, Frito. 564 00:37:13,372 --> 00:37:16,601 Not like I do. Like when you get it like this, sideways. 565 00:37:16,700 --> 00:37:19,121 Then you just, like, back it up. And then you-- 566 00:37:19,228 --> 00:37:21,333 - That's real good. - Then you-- Oh, yeah! 567 00:37:21,435 --> 00:37:23,443 Stop! You're gonna get us caught, okay? 568 00:37:23,547 --> 00:37:25,369 Warning! Warning! 569 00:37:25,467 --> 00:37:27,889 Costco has detected a dangerous fugitive in aisle 16,702. 570 00:37:27,995 --> 00:37:30,330 Hey! What about Rita? We can't just leave her here. 571 00:37:30,427 --> 00:37:32,566 I don't care. Come on! 572 00:37:32,668 --> 00:37:36,858 Oh, shit. Wait a second. What are we gonna do? 573 00:37:36,956 --> 00:37:38,810 Wait, okay, I know. Here's what we do. 574 00:37:38,907 --> 00:37:41,558 We go to the time machine, then when I get back to the past... 575 00:37:41,660 --> 00:37:43,514 I tell her not to do the experiment. 576 00:37:43,611 --> 00:37:45,716 - Then she won't even be here. That'll work, right? - Uh-- 577 00:37:45,820 --> 00:37:47,707 - No, wait. - Please stand clear of the doors. 578 00:37:47,803 --> 00:37:50,487 She already is here. That must mean I didn't go back in time, right? 579 00:37:50,587 --> 00:37:53,653 - Uh-- - No, wait, hold on. It just means I haven't done it yet. 580 00:37:53,755 --> 00:37:56,439 Okay, so I go back and I tell her not to do the experiment. 581 00:37:56,539 --> 00:37:58,994 Then I won't have to do it either because she won't be here. 582 00:37:59,100 --> 00:38:01,402 - Then I won't have to come back and save her, right? - I-- 583 00:38:01,499 --> 00:38:04,052 - But then, wait. Why am I still here? - Uh-- 584 00:38:04,156 --> 00:38:06,043 Goddamn, how does this time travel work? 585 00:38:06,139 --> 00:38:09,849 - Please stand clear. - Freeze! Hands up! Don't move! 586 00:38:09,948 --> 00:38:12,533 - Put your hands up! - Don't move! Freeze! 587 00:38:22,267 --> 00:38:25,202 Look, if you guys are taking me back to that jail... 588 00:38:25,308 --> 00:38:27,926 just go ahead and shoot me, 'cause there's no way-- 589 00:38:28,027 --> 00:38:31,159 Ow! Fuck! Ow! Ow! 590 00:38:31,259 --> 00:38:35,569 - What? - Ow! Ow. Ow. Ow. 591 00:38:35,676 --> 00:38:37,531 What? 592 00:38:37,627 --> 00:38:39,766 - Ow! God! Hey, stop! - Damn it. 593 00:38:41,628 --> 00:38:45,173 - What is this? - Okay, sir, this is the White House. 594 00:38:45,276 --> 00:38:47,480 - What are we doing at the White House? - What? 595 00:38:47,579 --> 00:38:49,783 Ow! Ow! Goddamn! 596 00:38:49,884 --> 00:38:53,200 It turned out the results of Joe's I.Q. test... 597 00:38:53,308 --> 00:38:57,236 had caught the attention of the highest levels of government. 598 00:38:57,340 --> 00:39:01,333 Okay, wait a minute. I'm the smartest guy in the world? Says who? 599 00:39:01,436 --> 00:39:03,443 The I.Q. test you took in prison. 600 00:39:03,547 --> 00:39:06,198 You got the highest score in history. Brought to you by Carl's Jr. 601 00:39:06,300 --> 00:39:09,082 Yeah, dumb ass, you're even smarter than President Camacho. 602 00:39:09,180 --> 00:39:11,831 That's how come he's making you secretary of interior. 603 00:39:11,931 --> 00:39:13,819 Okay, so who are you? 604 00:39:13,916 --> 00:39:15,574 I'm the secretary of energy. 605 00:39:15,675 --> 00:39:18,228 He won a contest. Got to be a cabinet member. 606 00:39:18,332 --> 00:39:21,976 I'm the secretary of state. Brought to you by Carl's Jr. 607 00:39:22,075 --> 00:39:25,206 - Why do you keep saying that? - 'Cause they pay me every time I do. 608 00:39:25,307 --> 00:39:29,017 It's a really good way to make money. You're so smart, why don't you know that? 609 00:39:30,715 --> 00:39:33,170 - He's the secretary of defense. - Hi. 610 00:39:33,276 --> 00:39:36,123 And, uh, funbags over there is the attorney general. 611 00:39:36,220 --> 00:39:38,456 Hi. 612 00:39:38,555 --> 00:39:40,628 And that's the secretary of education. 613 00:39:42,620 --> 00:39:45,849 He's kinda stupid, but he's President Camacho's stepbrother. 614 00:39:45,948 --> 00:39:48,086 Still, he does a pretty good job, eh? 615 00:39:48,188 --> 00:39:51,603 You know, I think there's been some kind of mistake... 616 00:39:51,708 --> 00:39:55,024 'cause the test I took was real, real easy. 617 00:39:55,131 --> 00:39:58,961 I'm not the smartest guy in the world. Okay? 618 00:40:03,100 --> 00:40:06,897 Okay, even if that were true, I can't be the secretary of the interior. 619 00:40:07,003 --> 00:40:10,320 - I don't even know what it is. - You better find out. 620 00:40:10,427 --> 00:40:13,177 - Sit down. It's President Camacho. - Hey, hey, hey, yo... 621 00:40:13,275 --> 00:40:17,072 I gotta take care of some "bidness," baby, so I need y'all to wait outside. 622 00:40:17,180 --> 00:40:21,914 Dwayne Elizondo Camacho, five-time Ultimate Smackdown Champion... 623 00:40:22,011 --> 00:40:25,808 porn superstar, and president of the United States... 624 00:40:25,916 --> 00:40:29,177 had called a special summit with the smartest man in the world. 625 00:40:29,275 --> 00:40:31,795 - So you smart, huh? - No, no. 626 00:40:35,099 --> 00:40:38,133 I thought your head would be bigger. 627 00:40:40,988 --> 00:40:43,028 Goddamn. 628 00:40:43,131 --> 00:40:45,400 It look like a peanut. 629 00:40:45,499 --> 00:40:47,354 Let's get you sworn in. 630 00:41:01,627 --> 00:41:04,856 Ladies and gentlemen, the president of America! 631 00:41:08,316 --> 00:41:10,683 President Camacho! 632 00:41:11,675 --> 00:41:14,326 Shut up. 633 00:41:14,428 --> 00:41:18,322 Shut up. Sit your monkey ass down. 634 00:41:18,428 --> 00:41:19,922 Chill out. 635 00:41:23,995 --> 00:41:25,369 Shit. 636 00:41:27,580 --> 00:41:30,613 I know shit's bad right now with all that starvin' bullshit. 637 00:41:30,715 --> 00:41:32,380 And the dust storms. And we runnin' out of French fries and burrito coverings. 638 00:41:32,414 --> 00:41:35,097 And the dust storms. And we runnin' out of French fries and burrito coverings. 639 00:41:35,196 --> 00:41:36,756 Yeah! 640 00:41:36,860 --> 00:41:39,642 - But I got a solution. - That's what you said last time, dipshit! 641 00:41:39,740 --> 00:41:41,562 I got a solution. You're a dick! 642 00:41:41,660 --> 00:41:44,147 South Carolina, "whassup?" 643 00:41:51,291 --> 00:41:54,390 That's what I thought! 644 00:41:57,084 --> 00:42:00,215 Now, I understand everyone's shit's emotional right now... 645 00:42:00,316 --> 00:42:02,737 but listen up. 646 00:42:02,844 --> 00:42:05,495 I got a three-point plan to fix everything. 647 00:42:05,595 --> 00:42:07,024 Break it down, Camacho! 648 00:42:07,132 --> 00:42:12,118 Number one, we got this guy, Not Sure. 649 00:42:12,220 --> 00:42:16,856 - Number two, he's got a higher I.Q. than any man alive. 650 00:42:16,955 --> 00:42:21,079 And number three, he's gonna fix everything. 651 00:42:21,180 --> 00:42:24,279 I give you my word as president. 652 00:42:24,379 --> 00:42:26,801 He'll fix the problems with all the dead crops. 653 00:42:26,907 --> 00:42:29,209 He's gonna make 'em grow again. 654 00:42:29,308 --> 00:42:34,065 - Crops? - And that ain't all. I give you my word. 655 00:42:36,059 --> 00:42:38,994 He's gonna fix the dust storms too. 656 00:42:40,668 --> 00:42:43,155 I give you my word. 657 00:42:43,260 --> 00:42:46,642 He's gonna fix the "ecomony." 658 00:42:48,668 --> 00:42:51,319 And he's so smart... 659 00:42:51,419 --> 00:42:56,405 he's gonna do it all in one week. 660 00:42:56,507 --> 00:42:59,922 President Camacho stood before the world and promised everyone... 661 00:43:00,028 --> 00:43:03,475 that Joe would solve all their problems. 662 00:43:03,580 --> 00:43:07,573 He would not only end the dust bowl and heal the economy... 663 00:43:07,675 --> 00:43:10,195 but he would cure acne and carsickness as well. 664 00:43:10,300 --> 00:43:12,471 And if he didn't... 665 00:43:12,572 --> 00:43:14,961 President Camacho made another promise. 666 00:43:15,067 --> 00:43:18,548 He would kick Joe's smart balls all the way up to the roof of his smart mouth. 667 00:43:18,651 --> 00:43:22,645 - And then, he would throw his brainy ass back in jail. 668 00:43:26,875 --> 00:43:28,980 I should, uh, be honest with you, Mr. President. 669 00:43:29,084 --> 00:43:31,124 I don't know how to be secretary of anything. 670 00:43:31,227 --> 00:43:32,634 I mean, I've never even voted, actually. 671 00:43:32,732 --> 00:43:35,415 I don't know what the secretary of the interior even is. 672 00:43:35,515 --> 00:43:39,988 Come on, scrot. Don't be a pussy. It beats jail, don't it? 673 00:43:40,092 --> 00:43:44,248 Besides, you do a kick-ass job... 674 00:43:44,348 --> 00:43:46,487 you get a full presidential pardon. 675 00:43:46,587 --> 00:43:48,409 - No jail time. - Yeah? 676 00:43:48,507 --> 00:43:51,988 Fuck, yeah! Now gimme a beer. 677 00:43:52,091 --> 00:43:54,066 And get you one too. 678 00:43:59,708 --> 00:44:01,650 Shit! 679 00:44:01,755 --> 00:44:04,122 Hold on, vato! 680 00:44:04,219 --> 00:44:05,877 Whoo! 681 00:44:25,628 --> 00:44:27,668 - Do somethin' smart. - Yeah. 682 00:44:28,987 --> 00:44:32,468 Uh, okay. Uh-- 683 00:44:32,571 --> 00:44:35,506 I'll, uh-- 684 00:44:35,611 --> 00:44:39,027 - Hey, we found that lawyer you wanted. - Oh, okay. Great, thanks. 685 00:44:39,131 --> 00:44:43,921 Uh, right now, I'm going to, uh, you know, confer with my counsel. 686 00:44:44,027 --> 00:44:45,816 You understand? So I'll be right back. 687 00:44:45,915 --> 00:44:49,145 Gotta go, uh, work on some crop stuff, get that taken care of. 688 00:44:49,243 --> 00:44:53,716 - Hopefully get it worked out by the time we get back here. - Sounds pretty smart. 689 00:44:53,820 --> 00:44:55,707 Wait here, okay? Wait there. 690 00:44:55,803 --> 00:44:58,520 Dude, this is trepidatious. You got me a room at the White House. 691 00:44:58,620 --> 00:45:00,507 Everyone gets laid at the White House. Everyone. 692 00:45:00,603 --> 00:45:02,163 - Yeah? - Yeah. 693 00:45:02,267 --> 00:45:05,562 I'm real glad you're happy to be here, Frito, but I brought you here to help me. 694 00:45:05,659 --> 00:45:08,212 I don't know the first thing about growin' crops... 695 00:45:08,316 --> 00:45:10,454 much less the goddamn "ecomony." 696 00:45:10,555 --> 00:45:12,410 Econ-Economy. 697 00:45:12,508 --> 00:45:15,322 Let's see. Growin' crops-- 698 00:45:15,419 --> 00:45:18,932 No, I just need you to tell me how to get to the time machine. 699 00:45:19,036 --> 00:45:23,029 Oh, that's easy. You go down by the museum and stuff. 700 00:45:23,132 --> 00:45:25,074 It's, like-- It's, like, by the museum... 701 00:45:25,180 --> 00:45:27,667 sort of, but, well, actually, not really. 702 00:45:27,772 --> 00:45:32,114 More like-- But on the street. You go, um-- Wait. Let me start over. 703 00:45:32,220 --> 00:45:34,008 Okay, you know where the time machine is? 704 00:45:34,107 --> 00:45:36,955 Hey. Just draw me a map, okay? 705 00:45:37,051 --> 00:45:39,572 You still want the money? 706 00:45:39,675 --> 00:45:42,392 Oh. If I had some money and a room at the White House... 707 00:45:42,491 --> 00:45:47,193 - I would be like, "It's mine, all night!" - Listen. Cut it out! 708 00:45:47,291 --> 00:45:49,975 Listen, I told these people that you were smart, okay? 709 00:45:50,075 --> 00:45:52,214 - So act smart! - Smart like you? 710 00:45:52,316 --> 00:45:55,665 "Oh, I gotta go to the time machine. I wanna go home." 711 00:45:55,772 --> 00:45:58,455 - I don't talk like that. - "I don't talk like that." 712 00:45:58,555 --> 00:46:00,410 Shit, I thought there was two of you. 713 00:46:00,508 --> 00:46:02,231 See? 714 00:46:02,332 --> 00:46:04,787 Doesn't look that big, is it? 715 00:46:04,891 --> 00:46:07,891 Okay. Let's go take a look at those crops. 716 00:46:07,996 --> 00:46:11,825 Especially the ones, uh, you know, out around the museum area. 717 00:46:13,371 --> 00:46:15,957 All right? Hey, come on! 718 00:46:17,819 --> 00:46:22,195 Now, you either lead, follow, or get out of the way. All right? 719 00:46:22,300 --> 00:46:25,496 Whoa. Did you just make that up? 720 00:46:25,595 --> 00:46:28,410 Yes, I did. Now look... 721 00:46:28,508 --> 00:46:30,996 I also need help finding this girl named Rita, like, immediately... 722 00:46:31,099 --> 00:46:33,401 - and Frito will give you a hand with it. - Why? 723 00:46:35,068 --> 00:46:39,989 Well, because, uh, you know, she'd be an essential... integral... asset... 724 00:46:40,091 --> 00:46:44,696 you know, for our team, for us to, you know, utilize. 725 00:46:51,067 --> 00:46:53,850 Utilize her! Utilize her! 726 00:46:53,947 --> 00:46:55,955 Utilize! 727 00:46:56,059 --> 00:46:58,994 Hey, uh, but you're gonna bring her here, right? 728 00:46:59,099 --> 00:47:01,685 Oh, yeah. Butt first! 729 00:47:03,739 --> 00:47:06,331 - Utilize her! - Okay. 730 00:47:11,740 --> 00:47:14,969 Dang! May I approach your benches? 731 00:47:20,348 --> 00:47:22,868 Uh, yeah. This sucks pretty bad. 732 00:47:22,972 --> 00:47:25,689 Frito, why don't you come over here and, uh, take a look at this? 733 00:47:25,788 --> 00:47:29,083 Come on. Hustle over here, buddy. I wanna figure this out. 734 00:47:29,180 --> 00:47:32,824 See, uh, just not a lot of moisture. Have you got the map? 735 00:47:32,924 --> 00:47:34,811 - Oh, yeah. - Discreetly. 736 00:47:38,971 --> 00:47:41,622 - It's right there. - I see it. I see it. 737 00:47:41,724 --> 00:47:44,179 Stand up with me. 738 00:47:44,284 --> 00:47:47,993 Yo, Mr. Secretary Not Sure. They found that whore you wanted. 739 00:47:48,092 --> 00:47:50,961 Hey, that may be how you refer to women in the future, but come on. 740 00:47:51,068 --> 00:47:55,159 No, sir. Turns out she charged some guy a lotta money and didn't put out. 741 00:47:55,260 --> 00:47:57,169 Don't worry though. We'll get her out... 742 00:47:57,276 --> 00:48:00,440 on a work-release whorin' license as long as you're doin' her. 743 00:48:00,539 --> 00:48:03,605 Get your hands off me. What do you think I'm gonna do, run through the field? 744 00:48:03,707 --> 00:48:05,944 What the fuck are you all starin' at? 745 00:48:06,043 --> 00:48:07,985 - Joe? - That's Not Sure, ma'am. 746 00:48:08,092 --> 00:48:11,834 - Secretary Not Sure. - Secretary? Secretary of what? 747 00:48:11,932 --> 00:48:16,340 Say, would you guys mind if we had a little moment together? Alone? 748 00:48:16,443 --> 00:48:20,666 You know, in the bushes? 749 00:48:22,332 --> 00:48:24,186 Oh, man. 750 00:48:32,411 --> 00:48:35,826 - Fuck her, Joe! - Hey, you want us to come along, make sure she puts out? 751 00:48:35,932 --> 00:48:37,874 No, thanks. I can handle it. Yeah. 752 00:48:37,979 --> 00:48:41,078 I thought you was in jail. How'd you get to be the secretary of interior? 753 00:48:41,180 --> 00:48:43,384 Just keep walking. I'll explain everything. 754 00:48:51,804 --> 00:48:53,691 Okay. Get ready to run. 755 00:48:56,059 --> 00:48:58,580 - What? - Oh, goddamn it. 756 00:48:58,683 --> 00:49:01,367 Way to go, Frito. You know what? Just make a run for it anyways. 757 00:49:01,467 --> 00:49:03,322 We'll ask for directions on the way. 758 00:49:03,420 --> 00:49:06,453 No way. I spent the last two days looking for it. It ain't easy to find. 759 00:49:06,556 --> 00:49:09,403 Damn it. I can't go back to jail, and I sure can't solve these problems. 760 00:49:09,499 --> 00:49:12,499 All's I know is I better find Upgrayedd before he finds me. 761 00:49:12,604 --> 00:49:15,833 Listen to me. Upgrayedd cannot find you, okay? It's impossible! 762 00:49:15,931 --> 00:49:18,550 - Oh, yeah? - Yeah! And even if Upgrayedd... 763 00:49:18,651 --> 00:49:20,561 could somehow magically travel through time... 764 00:49:20,667 --> 00:49:23,962 we got secret service guys with huge guns protecting us, okay? 765 00:49:24,059 --> 00:49:25,882 So don't worry. You're safe. 766 00:49:25,979 --> 00:49:29,013 And you know what? It's none of my business, but when we get back... 767 00:49:29,115 --> 00:49:31,636 you and Upgrayedd should seriously think about couples counseling, okay? 768 00:49:31,739 --> 00:49:35,995 And you should also think about maybe finding an art manager who's not also your boyfriend. 769 00:49:36,091 --> 00:49:40,020 Hey! She's not puttin' out? 770 00:49:40,123 --> 00:49:44,084 Uh, no, she is. We, uh-We already did it. 771 00:49:44,188 --> 00:49:46,577 Yeah. He was great. 772 00:49:48,700 --> 00:49:52,213 Okay. Hey, a couple of us guys were wonderin', uh... 773 00:49:52,316 --> 00:49:54,203 if we'd go family-style on her. 774 00:49:56,635 --> 00:49:59,951 Uh, yeah, probably not right now. 775 00:50:00,060 --> 00:50:03,376 We should focus on the crops. So let's get back to work. Maybe later. 776 00:50:10,204 --> 00:50:11,829 What the hell is this? 777 00:50:14,620 --> 00:50:18,330 - Tastes like Gatorade. - Is that that Brawndo stuff? 778 00:50:18,427 --> 00:50:22,006 They're watering crops with a sports drink? 779 00:50:23,612 --> 00:50:26,230 Brawndo the Thirst Mutilator had come to replace water... 780 00:50:26,332 --> 00:50:28,404 virtually everywhere. 781 00:50:28,508 --> 00:50:30,613 Water, the basic component of all life... 782 00:50:30,716 --> 00:50:33,585 had been deemed a threat to Brawndo's profit margin. 783 00:50:33,691 --> 00:50:37,040 The solution came during the budget crisis of 2330... 784 00:50:37,148 --> 00:50:41,785 when the Brawndo Corporation simply bought the F.D.A... 785 00:50:41,884 --> 00:50:43,291 and the F.C.C... 786 00:50:43,387 --> 00:50:45,526 enabling them to say, do and sell... 787 00:50:45,628 --> 00:50:47,450 anything they wanted. 788 00:50:52,283 --> 00:50:54,804 Joe didn't know any of this... 789 00:50:54,907 --> 00:50:58,737 but he did see a problem that he might actually be able to solve. 790 00:50:58,843 --> 00:51:03,218 - With his options running out, Joe took a bold step. 791 00:51:03,324 --> 00:51:05,364 He would not get out of the way. 792 00:51:05,467 --> 00:51:08,217 This time, he would lead. 793 00:51:08,316 --> 00:51:10,258 For the last time, I'm pretty sure... 794 00:51:10,363 --> 00:51:13,211 what's killing the crops is this Brawndo stuff. 795 00:51:13,308 --> 00:51:15,958 But Brawndo's got what plants crave. It's got electrolytes. 796 00:51:16,060 --> 00:51:18,035 So wait a minute. What you're saying... 797 00:51:18,139 --> 00:51:21,784 is that you want us to put water on the crops. 798 00:51:21,883 --> 00:51:24,785 - Yes. - Water. Like out the toilet? 799 00:51:24,892 --> 00:51:28,721 Well, I mean, it doesn't have to be out of the toilet, but, yeah, that's the idea. 800 00:51:28,828 --> 00:51:32,024 - But Brawndo's got what plants crave. - It's got electrolytes. 801 00:51:32,124 --> 00:51:34,011 Okay, look. 802 00:51:34,107 --> 00:51:37,456 The plants aren't growing, so I'm pretty sure that the Brawndo's not working. 803 00:51:37,564 --> 00:51:42,037 Now, I'm no botanist, but I do know that if you put water on plants, they grow. 804 00:51:42,139 --> 00:51:45,685 Well, I've never seen no plants grow out of no toilet. 805 00:51:45,787 --> 00:51:48,919 Hey, that's good. You sure you ain't the smartest guy in the world? 806 00:51:49,019 --> 00:51:52,816 - You wanna solve this problem. I wanna get my pardon. 807 00:51:52,924 --> 00:51:56,720 So why don't we just try it, okay, and not worry about what plants crave? 808 00:51:56,828 --> 00:51:59,195 Brawndo's got what plants crave. 809 00:51:59,292 --> 00:52:01,713 - Goddamn it. - Yeah, it's got electrolytes. 810 00:52:01,820 --> 00:52:04,154 What are electrolytes? Do you even know? 811 00:52:04,252 --> 00:52:06,903 It's what they use to make Brawndo. 812 00:52:07,003 --> 00:52:09,524 Yeah, but why do they use them to make Brawndo? 813 00:52:09,627 --> 00:52:12,082 'Cause Brawndo's got electrolytes. 814 00:52:14,972 --> 00:52:19,227 After several hours, Joe finally gave up on logic and reason... 815 00:52:19,323 --> 00:52:22,258 and simply told the cabinet that he could talk to plants... 816 00:52:22,363 --> 00:52:24,884 and that they wanted water. 817 00:52:25,947 --> 00:52:28,184 He made believers out of everyone. 818 00:52:28,283 --> 00:52:31,699 Joe didn't know it, but the beloved electrolytes... 819 00:52:31,803 --> 00:52:35,600 were salts that had been building up in the topsoil over the decades... 820 00:52:35,707 --> 00:52:38,326 killing plants and leading to the dust bowl. 821 00:52:38,427 --> 00:52:43,926 As secretary of the interior, Joe ordered all crops to be switched to water... 822 00:52:44,027 --> 00:52:48,948 promising that, over time, plants would grow and the dust bowl would end. 823 00:52:49,051 --> 00:52:52,914 He was on the fast track to a full presidential pardon. 824 00:52:53,020 --> 00:52:56,020 Or so it seemed. 825 00:52:57,083 --> 00:53:00,826 Man, I hope somethin' grows fast. 826 00:53:00,923 --> 00:53:02,833 Yeah. So we can haul our ass back home. 827 00:53:02,939 --> 00:53:06,387 Man. You really think those people would have starved to death? 828 00:53:07,868 --> 00:53:12,308 I don't know. I mean, how did the world ever get like this? 829 00:53:12,412 --> 00:53:16,121 You know things are bad when they're comin' to me for answers. 830 00:53:16,219 --> 00:53:18,870 - It's a weird feeling being smarter than everyone. - Mm-hmm. 831 00:53:18,972 --> 00:53:21,110 - I'm not used to it. - Yeah. Me neither. 832 00:53:23,740 --> 00:53:27,318 You think Einstein walked around thinkin' everyone was a bunch of dumb shits? 833 00:53:27,420 --> 00:53:29,875 Yeah. Hadn't thought of that. 834 00:53:29,980 --> 00:53:33,940 - Now you know why he built that bomb. - Yeah. 835 00:53:36,252 --> 00:53:38,357 Hey, Joe, listen. Those cops-- 836 00:53:38,459 --> 00:53:40,631 - Oh, hey. I'm sorry about that. - No. No. 837 00:53:40,731 --> 00:53:43,633 They said that you got me a pardon. 838 00:53:43,740 --> 00:53:46,642 You know, if you hadn't done that, I'd still be in jail right now, so... 839 00:53:47,899 --> 00:53:50,420 I guess I owe you one. 840 00:53:52,540 --> 00:53:55,955 You know, you don't have to sleep on the floor if you don't want to. 841 00:53:57,307 --> 00:54:01,301 Oh. No. I'm-- I'm all right. Yeah. 842 00:54:01,403 --> 00:54:05,298 Besides, you know, I don't think Upgrayedd would be too happy about that. 843 00:54:05,404 --> 00:54:06,997 You in bed with a stranger. 844 00:54:08,667 --> 00:54:10,839 Yeah. 845 00:54:13,627 --> 00:54:15,383 I know. I know. 846 00:54:17,403 --> 00:54:22,193 Yeah. Oh, boy. 847 00:54:29,820 --> 00:54:32,275 Oh, shit. It's Upgrayedd. 848 00:54:32,380 --> 00:54:34,714 Oh, shit. It's not Upgrayedd. 849 00:54:34,812 --> 00:54:37,016 Given enough time, Joe's plan might have worked. 850 00:54:37,115 --> 00:54:39,352 But when the Brawndo stock suddenly dropped to zero... 851 00:54:39,451 --> 00:54:41,786 leaving half the population unemployed... 852 00:54:41,884 --> 00:54:45,429 dumb, angry mobs took to the streets, rioting and looting... 853 00:54:45,532 --> 00:54:47,387 and screaming for Joe's head. 854 00:54:47,483 --> 00:54:50,069 An emergency cabinet meeting was called... 855 00:54:50,172 --> 00:54:52,408 with the C.E.O. of the Brawndo Corporation. 856 00:54:52,508 --> 00:54:54,875 How come nobody's buying Brawndo the Thirst Mutilator? 857 00:54:54,972 --> 00:54:57,241 Aw, shit. Half the country works for Brawndo. 858 00:54:57,340 --> 00:54:59,990 Not anymore! The stock has dropped to zero... 859 00:55:00,092 --> 00:55:02,164 and the computer did that auto-layoff thing to everybody. 860 00:55:02,267 --> 00:55:04,722 - We're all unemployed! - You think that makes the "ecomony" suck? 861 00:55:04,828 --> 00:55:08,722 - Why is this happening? - I think it's because we switched to water, but-- 862 00:55:08,828 --> 00:55:11,217 - You mean this is all your fault? - What? 863 00:55:11,323 --> 00:55:15,000 Yeah, this is your fault. This shit started happening when we switched to water! 864 00:55:15,100 --> 00:55:18,842 Brought to you by Carl's Jr. Brought to you by Carl's Jr. Brought to you by Carl's Jr. 865 00:55:21,467 --> 00:55:23,190 Fox News. 866 00:55:26,300 --> 00:55:29,234 He tried taking water from toilets... 867 00:55:29,340 --> 00:55:33,115 but it's Secretary Not Sure who finds himself in the toilet now. 868 00:55:33,211 --> 00:55:35,034 And as history pulls down its pants... 869 00:55:35,131 --> 00:55:38,263 and prepares to lower its ass on Not Sure's head... 870 00:55:38,363 --> 00:55:42,193 it will be Daddy Justice who will be crapping on him this time. 871 00:55:42,299 --> 00:55:46,325 We now go live to Violence Channel correspondent Formica Davis... 872 00:55:46,427 --> 00:55:50,137 at the Extreme Court with highlights on today's trial. 873 00:55:52,540 --> 00:55:56,566 Thank you, Velveeta. Well, it started off boring and slow... 874 00:55:56,668 --> 00:56:00,083 with Not Sure trying to bullshit everyone with a bunch of smart talk. 875 00:56:00,187 --> 00:56:04,116 Blah, blah, blah. You gotta believe me! 876 00:56:04,219 --> 00:56:06,129 That part of the trial sucked. 877 00:56:06,235 --> 00:56:08,788 But then, the chief "J" just went off. 878 00:56:08,892 --> 00:56:10,834 He said, "Man, whatever. 879 00:56:10,939 --> 00:56:13,427 The guy's guilty as shit. We all know that." 880 00:56:13,531 --> 00:56:17,143 And he sentenced his ass to one night of Rehabilitation. 881 00:56:17,244 --> 00:56:19,699 Hey, rehabilitation? One night? 882 00:56:19,804 --> 00:56:21,626 Doesn't sound so bad. 883 00:56:21,724 --> 00:56:23,512 Not so bad, huh? 884 00:56:23,612 --> 00:56:26,743 Here's some highlights from last week's Rehabilitation. 885 00:56:37,275 --> 00:56:40,243 And who could forget that wonderful finish... 886 00:56:40,347 --> 00:56:42,736 by Rehab Officer Tylenol Jones? 887 00:56:42,844 --> 00:56:46,389 And tomorrow night looks even more better. 888 00:56:46,492 --> 00:56:50,714 Word is that Beef Supreme himself might come out of retirement. 889 00:56:50,811 --> 00:56:53,397 Wow. Thank you, Formica. 890 00:56:54,811 --> 00:56:57,681 So you think you can escape again like you did last time? 891 00:56:57,787 --> 00:57:00,471 - No. They pretty much fixed that. - How? 892 00:57:00,571 --> 00:57:02,743 They chained me to a big rock. 893 00:57:04,091 --> 00:57:05,913 - Oh. - Yeah. 894 00:57:06,011 --> 00:57:08,116 Look, Rita, get Frito. 895 00:57:08,220 --> 00:57:11,220 Get him to take you back to the time machine without me. Don't wait. 896 00:57:11,323 --> 00:57:15,185 No. You could have split on me before, but you didn't. 897 00:57:15,292 --> 00:57:18,554 Look, you wanna pay me back? Just go back, okay? 898 00:57:18,651 --> 00:57:21,106 Tell people to read books. 899 00:57:21,212 --> 00:57:23,219 Tell people to stay in school, you know. 900 00:57:23,324 --> 00:57:26,706 Tell people to just use their brains or something. 901 00:57:26,812 --> 00:57:29,878 I think maybe the world got like this because of people like me. 902 00:57:29,980 --> 00:57:34,387 I never did anything with my life. At least you were an artist, you know? 903 00:57:34,492 --> 00:57:36,947 - So just go back and-- - Visit's over! 904 00:57:39,804 --> 00:57:43,120 And Rita, whatever you do, keep painting, okay? 905 00:57:44,604 --> 00:57:46,491 Good luck, Joe. 906 00:57:53,403 --> 00:57:56,153 Okay, that's five down and one more to go. 907 00:57:56,251 --> 00:57:59,797 Are you ready for a monster-truck duel to the death? 908 00:57:59,900 --> 00:58:03,282 Yeah! Let's give it up for the Guitar Army. 909 00:58:05,308 --> 00:58:07,195 Okay, we're gonna do this shit. 910 00:58:07,292 --> 00:58:10,325 But first, to lead us in our Natural Anthem... 911 00:58:10,427 --> 00:58:14,999 the star of Ow! My Balls! Hormel Chavez! 912 00:58:15,100 --> 00:58:17,914 Thank you. Thank you. 913 00:58:18,011 --> 00:58:22,801 Hey! Come here! 914 00:58:22,907 --> 00:58:26,322 Come here! 915 00:58:26,428 --> 00:58:28,250 Right in the balls! 916 00:58:28,348 --> 00:58:32,952 That's just how that shit went on TV! 917 00:58:33,052 --> 00:58:37,110 This execution is brought to you by Brawndo the Thirst Mutilator. 918 00:58:37,211 --> 00:58:39,033 After you've killed someone... 919 00:58:39,131 --> 00:58:40,986 - your body needs electrolytes. - Yeah. 920 00:58:41,084 --> 00:58:44,248 So, my car's out front... 921 00:58:44,347 --> 00:58:46,519 whenever you want me to take you... 922 00:58:46,619 --> 00:58:48,758 to the time machine. 923 00:58:48,860 --> 00:58:50,714 Thanks, Frito. 924 00:58:50,811 --> 00:58:52,819 - Yeah. - I can't hear you! 925 00:58:52,923 --> 00:58:55,989 That's a real bummer about Joe, huh? 926 00:58:56,092 --> 00:58:58,580 - I can't hear you! - Yeah. 927 00:58:58,683 --> 00:59:03,920 Oh! Can you turn this up? I love Rehabilitation. 928 00:59:14,971 --> 00:59:19,249 Okay. Let's meet our rehabilitation officers for tonight. 929 00:59:19,355 --> 00:59:22,519 With a combined record of 62 kills... 930 00:59:22,620 --> 00:59:27,257 please welcome Vinny Mawumba in the Dildozer! 931 00:59:32,828 --> 00:59:38,360 And his brother Bobby Mawumba in the Ass Blaster! 932 00:59:38,459 --> 00:59:40,347 I get a truck too, right? 933 00:59:40,444 --> 00:59:43,062 Yeah. Here it comes. 934 00:59:52,316 --> 00:59:54,203 Get in. 935 00:59:58,523 --> 01:00:00,793 You still got the chain attached. 936 01:00:02,907 --> 01:00:05,362 - Door won't shut. - What about the chain? 937 01:00:05,468 --> 01:00:07,355 - We could break it. - No. He could escape. 938 01:00:07,451 --> 01:00:10,866 - I got an idea. Let's put it in the trunk. - Yeah. That'll work. 939 01:00:14,300 --> 01:00:17,715 - Who's smart now? - Let's bring out our criminal. 940 01:00:17,819 --> 01:00:20,819 He tried to ruin the country by pouring toilet water on crops. 941 01:00:20,924 --> 01:00:23,225 He cost millions of people their jobs. 942 01:00:23,323 --> 01:00:26,520 Let's get ready to rehabilitate Not Sure! 943 01:00:38,044 --> 01:00:40,313 Never would have guessed this is how I was gonna die. 944 01:00:40,411 --> 01:00:43,194 Are you ready for some car-on-car action? 945 01:00:43,291 --> 01:00:45,179 Yes. 946 01:00:46,236 --> 01:00:48,953 - I can't watch this. - This is-- 947 01:00:49,051 --> 01:00:53,361 This is gonna be so sad. I hope I don't cry. 948 01:00:55,099 --> 01:00:58,841 Holy shit! Frito, come here! Look! 949 01:00:58,939 --> 01:01:01,306 He was right. The water-- it worked. 950 01:01:01,404 --> 01:01:03,924 Frito, can you get me over there? 951 01:01:04,859 --> 01:01:06,682 Yes. 952 01:01:06,779 --> 01:01:09,649 No, you fuckin' moron. To the Rehabilitation place. 953 01:01:09,755 --> 01:01:11,697 - Uh, this way. - Yeah! 954 01:01:16,092 --> 01:01:17,914 Come on, Frito. Hurry! 955 01:01:18,012 --> 01:01:20,914 And now the dude that everybody came here to see... 956 01:01:21,019 --> 01:01:24,467 - Yeah! - the only undefeated officer ever in history... 957 01:01:24,571 --> 01:01:27,954 coming out of retirement just to pound Not Sure's ass... 958 01:01:28,060 --> 01:01:32,816 driving the biggest, hugest correctional vehicle ever built in history-- 959 01:01:32,924 --> 01:01:36,633 bigger than the Dildozer, bigger than the Ass Blaster... 960 01:01:36,731 --> 01:01:40,593 bigger and huger than everything ever before in history-- 961 01:01:40,700 --> 01:01:43,514 the brand-new Assdozer! 962 01:01:43,611 --> 01:01:46,197 Give it up for Beef Supreme! 963 01:01:49,627 --> 01:01:51,450 Oh! 964 01:01:57,211 --> 01:01:59,066 Oh! 965 01:02:12,859 --> 01:02:15,990 Oh, shit. I think it was too big, huh? 966 01:02:16,091 --> 01:02:18,480 We seem to be "experimenting"... 967 01:02:18,588 --> 01:02:21,751 some "techmological" differences... 968 01:02:21,851 --> 01:02:23,673 so, uh, shit. 969 01:02:23,771 --> 01:02:27,000 Frito, look! 970 01:02:27,100 --> 01:02:29,205 - It's working everywhere! - Huh. 971 01:02:29,308 --> 01:02:33,202 Well, shit. That's a big pile of rocks. 972 01:02:33,308 --> 01:02:36,308 - Kinda reminds me of this one time that I was-- - Man. 973 01:02:36,411 --> 01:02:38,353 - Hey! - Oh, oh, okay. 974 01:02:38,460 --> 01:02:40,565 - Get this shit started! - We're gonna start without Beef Supreme. 975 01:02:40,668 --> 01:02:44,246 Let the rehabilitation begin! 976 01:02:53,404 --> 01:02:55,859 Oh, shit. 977 01:02:55,963 --> 01:02:58,745 Come on. Come on. 978 01:02:58,843 --> 01:03:01,210 Come on, Frito. Hurry! 979 01:03:03,739 --> 01:03:06,325 Oh! 980 01:03:10,844 --> 01:03:12,305 Goddamn it. 981 01:03:14,620 --> 01:03:18,329 - Yeah! - Jesus, that was close. 982 01:03:20,731 --> 01:03:23,514 Mr. President! Mr. President, I need to talk to you. 983 01:03:23,611 --> 01:03:25,717 You gotta stop this thing. He was right about the water. 984 01:03:25,819 --> 01:03:28,601 We passed some crops on the way here. They're growing. 985 01:03:28,699 --> 01:03:30,521 I didn't see no crops. 986 01:03:31,612 --> 01:03:33,237 They're circling around. 987 01:03:33,340 --> 01:03:35,762 They're gonna do the Malachi Crunch on him! 988 01:03:38,299 --> 01:03:41,561 - This is an illegal move, okay? So don't tell nobody. - Oh! 989 01:04:01,532 --> 01:04:04,401 So, uh-So the winner is, uh-- 990 01:04:06,139 --> 01:04:09,205 - You gotta be shittin' me. - Did he win? 991 01:04:11,963 --> 01:04:14,069 Uh-oh. Look. 992 01:04:15,868 --> 01:04:19,446 Holy shit! It's Beef Supreme! 993 01:04:26,492 --> 01:04:28,183 Beef Supreme! Yeah! Yeah! 994 01:04:28,283 --> 01:04:32,375 Hey, Frito. Frito, you remember those crops we saw off the road... 995 01:04:32,475 --> 01:04:34,996 - right by the Starbucks? - Uh-huh. 996 01:04:35,099 --> 01:04:39,028 - Hey. Wanna make some money? - I like money. 997 01:04:52,667 --> 01:04:56,791 Hey, um, the, uh-- the main screen is malfunctioning... 998 01:04:56,892 --> 01:04:59,313 and they gonna need you outside immediately. 999 01:05:02,396 --> 01:05:05,298 There's a bunch of whores in the hallway. 1000 01:05:08,347 --> 01:05:10,736 Come on, Frito. Hurry. 1001 01:05:11,771 --> 01:05:13,778 Can't believe you like money too. 1002 01:05:13,884 --> 01:05:16,273 - We should hang out. - Totally. 1003 01:05:40,571 --> 01:05:42,513 He's behind the truck! 1004 01:05:44,540 --> 01:05:47,190 Yes! Yes! 1005 01:05:48,507 --> 01:05:50,482 - He's behind the fucking truck! - He's over there! 1006 01:05:50,587 --> 01:05:52,562 Behind the truck, stupid! 1007 01:06:02,459 --> 01:06:03,986 Look! 1008 01:06:06,108 --> 01:06:09,523 Shit. That's a good deal. 1009 01:06:09,627 --> 01:06:13,937 - Extra foam. - I got a bunch of money too. 1010 01:06:14,044 --> 01:06:16,564 - Forgot what it was for. - Huh. 1011 01:06:17,788 --> 01:06:21,432 - You think it was for lattes? - Yeah. Probably. 1012 01:06:21,532 --> 01:06:25,623 - You like money and sex? You're trippin' me out. - What the fuck? 1013 01:06:27,771 --> 01:06:29,910 - Yeah! - Yeah! 1014 01:06:39,164 --> 01:06:42,873 - Just hold on, okay? Everyone just take it easy, okay? 1015 01:06:42,971 --> 01:06:44,793 Can I just say something here? 1016 01:06:47,100 --> 01:06:49,915 I don't even know what I'm guilty of here. 1017 01:06:50,011 --> 01:06:53,754 I never said that I was the smartest person on earth. You people did. 1018 01:06:53,851 --> 01:06:57,364 I didn't know that you'd lose your jobs and all your money... 1019 01:06:57,467 --> 01:06:59,507 and I'm very sorry that that happened. 1020 01:06:59,611 --> 01:07:01,554 But I'm tellin' you... 1021 01:07:01,660 --> 01:07:03,929 if you put water on the crops, it might actually-- 1022 01:07:04,028 --> 01:07:06,897 No, it will work. I promise you! 1023 01:07:07,004 --> 01:07:11,226 You just have to believe me. I just wanted to help you. That's all. 1024 01:07:11,323 --> 01:07:15,960 So you can try and shoot me. You can try and run me over, whatever. 1025 01:07:16,060 --> 01:07:19,376 But I just want you to ask yourselves one question first. 1026 01:07:20,540 --> 01:07:22,961 Do you really want to live in a world... 1027 01:07:23,068 --> 01:07:26,417 where you try to blow up the one person that's tryin' to help you? 1028 01:07:36,827 --> 01:07:38,966 Hold on. Just hold on. 1029 01:07:59,483 --> 01:08:01,589 Oh, man. That was great. 1030 01:08:01,691 --> 01:08:05,204 Hey, was I wearing pants when we went in there? 1031 01:08:05,308 --> 01:08:08,569 Shit. What do I look like, a pants goblin? 1032 01:08:08,667 --> 01:08:11,864 Wait. This reminds me of something. 1033 01:08:11,963 --> 01:08:14,713 Uh, "Rehabil-Rehabilate-- 1034 01:08:14,812 --> 01:08:17,878 - Rehabilation." - Why do you keep trying to read that word? 1035 01:08:17,980 --> 01:08:21,362 - You a fag? - I'll fag your face! 1036 01:08:29,660 --> 01:08:32,562 - Come on, Frito. - Yeah. I don't think so. 1037 01:08:33,883 --> 01:08:36,250 Oh, yeah. 1038 01:09:16,060 --> 01:09:20,337 This guy just got his ass a pardon! 1039 01:09:28,028 --> 01:09:29,719 Yeah! 1040 01:09:43,420 --> 01:09:46,715 Man, Rita. I mean, I don't know what to say. 1041 01:09:46,812 --> 01:09:49,943 You saved my life. No one's ever done anything like that for me. 1042 01:09:50,044 --> 01:09:51,866 Yeah, well... 1043 01:09:51,964 --> 01:09:54,866 you were looking out for the whole world so, you know... 1044 01:09:54,971 --> 01:09:58,517 - I thought someone should look out for you too. - Thanks. 1045 01:10:00,060 --> 01:10:02,329 I can't believe I'm even saying this, but... 1046 01:10:02,428 --> 01:10:04,337 even though these people tried to kill me... 1047 01:10:04,444 --> 01:10:07,760 - you know, I think I'm actually gonna kinda miss 'em. - Yeah. 1048 01:10:07,867 --> 01:10:10,584 Frito-- he's gonna give us a ride back to the time machine. 1049 01:10:10,683 --> 01:10:13,782 I just, uh-- I hope he's okay to drive. 1050 01:10:15,164 --> 01:10:18,164 It's you. Oh, man, I really love your show. 1051 01:10:18,267 --> 01:10:20,471 Thank you so much. 1052 01:10:20,572 --> 01:10:25,525 - Uh, Joe, I'm not going. - What? 1053 01:10:27,259 --> 01:10:30,969 I had some pretty bad habits back there that I don't want to fall into again. 1054 01:10:31,068 --> 01:10:32,955 Maybe it's time I got a new start. 1055 01:10:33,052 --> 01:10:37,013 Besides, they offered me a pretty good job at Starbucks here. 1056 01:10:37,115 --> 01:10:39,668 - I'm gonna be a C.E.O. - At Starbucks? 1057 01:10:39,772 --> 01:10:42,489 - Yeah. - Yeah? You're still gonna paint though, right? 1058 01:10:44,091 --> 01:10:47,353 Yeah. Sure. 1059 01:10:47,452 --> 01:10:49,208 I guess this is good-bye then. 1060 01:10:51,003 --> 01:10:53,142 Hey, hey, hey, hey! 1061 01:10:53,243 --> 01:10:55,611 I got a couple presidential decrees to make! 1062 01:10:55,645 --> 01:10:57,237 I got a couple presidential decrees to make! 1063 01:10:57,340 --> 01:11:01,398 Not Sure, get your ass up here, wherever you is. 1064 01:11:03,899 --> 01:11:06,038 Let me get that little peanut head up here. 1065 01:11:06,140 --> 01:11:08,790 Yo. Yo. 1066 01:11:08,891 --> 01:11:10,746 I have decided... 1067 01:11:10,844 --> 01:11:13,265 to make this man-- 1068 01:11:13,372 --> 01:11:16,187 the man who solved all our problems-- 1069 01:11:17,468 --> 01:11:20,021 I have decided to make him... 1070 01:11:20,123 --> 01:11:22,327 my new vice president. 1071 01:11:24,763 --> 01:11:27,862 Mr. President, thanks. That's real cool of you, sir... 1072 01:11:27,964 --> 01:11:31,673 - but I can't accept it, sir. - What? Why? 1073 01:11:31,772 --> 01:11:36,311 - You know, I gotta get home. - But we still got all these problems. 1074 01:11:36,412 --> 01:11:39,281 Look, you know, you're just gonna have to solve 'em yourselves. 1075 01:11:39,388 --> 01:11:41,755 - How? - Think about it, you know? 1076 01:11:41,851 --> 01:11:44,786 You're just gonna have to figure it out like we did with the crops. 1077 01:11:44,892 --> 01:11:49,234 But how are we gonna figure out about the garbage "ambulanches" and the "comony"? 1078 01:11:49,340 --> 01:11:54,937 And what about the nuc-- "nucular" reactor in Florida? 1079 01:11:55,035 --> 01:11:57,402 It's broke and leaky and something's happening. 1080 01:11:57,499 --> 01:12:02,649 - I thought it was in Georgia. - Georgia's in Florida, dumb ass. 1081 01:12:02,747 --> 01:12:05,682 Hey. Hey, I know. Let's put toilet water on it. Huh? 1082 01:12:05,787 --> 01:12:08,722 - Yeah! - Good, good. That's a good idea. 1083 01:12:08,827 --> 01:12:11,413 - Like we did on the crops. - Come on, vato. 1084 01:12:11,516 --> 01:12:13,719 Hey, you can't leave. 1085 01:12:13,819 --> 01:12:19,515 Whatever happened to all that "lead, follow, or get outta the way" shit, huh? 1086 01:12:29,851 --> 01:12:34,074 I guess I just can't get outta the way anymore, can I? You know what? 1087 01:12:34,172 --> 01:12:36,954 - Forget about the time machine. - Yeah! 1088 01:12:40,828 --> 01:12:44,089 That ride sucks anyways. 1089 01:12:44,187 --> 01:12:46,227 Ride? 1090 01:12:49,564 --> 01:12:51,931 Welcome to the Time Masheen. 1091 01:12:52,027 --> 01:12:56,337 We are going to take you back, first to the year 1939... 1092 01:12:56,444 --> 01:12:58,833 when Charlie Chaplin and his evil Nazi regime... 1093 01:12:58,939 --> 01:13:01,874 enslaved Europe and tried to take over the world. 1094 01:13:01,979 --> 01:13:04,467 So you knew this thing was just a ride the whole time? 1095 01:13:04,572 --> 01:13:07,921 Yeah. You thought you could really travel through time, huh? 1096 01:13:08,027 --> 01:13:10,296 - Yeah, I guess I did. - Yeah. 1097 01:13:10,396 --> 01:13:13,211 For the smartest guy in the world, you're pretty dumb sometimes. 1098 01:13:13,308 --> 01:13:18,010 - So why didn't you tell us? - 'Cause I like money. I'm sorry. 1099 01:13:18,108 --> 01:13:21,752 But if it's not a real time machine, there wouldn't have been any money. 1100 01:13:21,852 --> 01:13:25,201 You know, 'cause I can't go back in time and open a savings account. 1101 01:13:25,307 --> 01:13:28,122 Uh, uh, uh-- 1102 01:13:28,220 --> 01:13:30,870 Yeah. Don't worry about it. It's okay. 1103 01:13:32,347 --> 01:13:34,202 Well, I guess we're stuck here. 1104 01:13:34,300 --> 01:13:39,188 But then an even greater force emerged-- the "UN." 1105 01:13:39,292 --> 01:13:43,163 And the "UN" un-nazied the world forever. 1106 01:13:43,197 --> 01:13:43,414 And the "UN" un-nazied the world forever. 1107 01:13:43,580 --> 01:13:46,929 And so, after serving a short term as vice president... 1108 01:13:47,035 --> 01:13:50,199 Joe was elected the president of America. 1109 01:13:50,300 --> 01:13:52,372 Frito became vice president... 1110 01:13:52,476 --> 01:13:55,509 and Rita, the former prostitute, became first lady. 1111 01:13:55,612 --> 01:13:58,961 Today I step into the shoes of a great man... 1112 01:13:59,067 --> 01:14:03,028 a man by the name of Dwayne Elizondo... 1113 01:14:03,132 --> 01:14:06,961 Mountain Dew Herbert Camacho. 1114 01:14:07,068 --> 01:14:11,028 Under President Not Sure's leadership, a new era dawned. 1115 01:14:11,132 --> 01:14:14,809 You know, there was a time in this country... 1116 01:14:14,908 --> 01:14:18,999 when smart people were considered cool. 1117 01:14:19,100 --> 01:14:21,914 Well, maybe not cool, but smart people did things... 1118 01:14:22,011 --> 01:14:25,906 like build ships and pyramids, and they even went to the moon. 1119 01:14:26,011 --> 01:14:27,473 Yeah! 1120 01:14:29,531 --> 01:14:33,557 And there was a time in this country, a long time ago... 1121 01:14:33,660 --> 01:14:35,962 when reading wasn't just for fags... 1122 01:14:36,059 --> 01:14:38,231 and neither was writing. 1123 01:14:38,331 --> 01:14:42,260 People wrote books and movies, movies that had stories... 1124 01:14:42,363 --> 01:14:46,487 so you cared whose ass it was and why it was farting. 1125 01:14:46,588 --> 01:14:49,904 And I believe that time can come again! 1126 01:15:01,340 --> 01:15:04,787 Not Sure, Not Sure, Not Sure! 1127 01:15:08,476 --> 01:15:10,363 Joe and Rita had three children... 1128 01:15:10,459 --> 01:15:13,143 the three smartest kids in the world. 1129 01:15:14,236 --> 01:15:16,625 Vice President Frito took eight wives... 1130 01:15:16,731 --> 01:15:19,066 and had a total of 32 kids-- 1131 01:15:19,163 --> 01:15:22,262 thirty-two of the dumbest kids ever to walk the earth. 1132 01:15:27,291 --> 01:15:30,325 Okay, so maybe Joe didn't save mankind... 1133 01:15:30,427 --> 01:15:32,762 but he got the ball rolling... 1134 01:15:32,860 --> 01:15:36,504 and that's pretty good for an average guy. 1135 01:20:24,123 --> 01:20:26,709 I'm gonna go find this ho. 1136 01:20:27,305 --> 01:21:27,548 Earning Money With Crypto Is A Choice. 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