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Advertise your product or brand here
contact www.OpenSubtitles.org today
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00:00:35,251 --> 00:00:38,243
It's an important and popular fact
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00:00:38,331 --> 00:00:42,040
that things are not always
what they seem.
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00:00:42,131 --> 00:00:45,567
For instance, on the planet Earth,
man had always assumed
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that he was the most intelligent
species occupying the planet,
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instead of the third most intelligent.
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00:00:52,051 --> 00:00:56,363
The second most intelligent creatures
were dolphins, who, curiously enough,
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00:00:56,451 --> 00:01:00,126
had long known of the impending
destruction of the planet Earth.
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00:01:00,211 --> 00:01:02,520
They'd made many attempts
to alert mankind,
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00:01:02,611 --> 00:01:05,489
but most of their communications
were misinterpreted
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00:01:05,571 --> 00:01:08,927
as amusing attempts to punch footballs
or whistle for titbits.
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00:01:09,011 --> 00:01:13,323
So they eventually decided they would
leave Earth by their own means.
13
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The last ever dolphin message
was misinterpreted
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as a sophisticated attempt
to do a backward somersault
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00:01:19,771 --> 00:01:22,649
through a hoop,
whistling The Star-Spangled Banner.
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In fact, the message was this:
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"So long and thanks for all the fish."
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So long and thanks for all the fish
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So sad that it should come to this
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We tried to warn you all but, oh, dear
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You may not share our intellect
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Which might explain your disrespect
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For all the natural wonders
that grow around you
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So long, so long and thanks
for all the fish
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Your world's about to be destroyed
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00:02:17,251 --> 00:02:19,287
There's no point getting all annoyed
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Lie back and let the planet
dissolve around you
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Despite those nets of tuna fleets
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We thought that most of you were sweet
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Especially tiny tots
and your pregnant women
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So long, so long,
so long, so long, so long
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So long, so long
and thanks for all the fish
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If I had just one last wish
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I would like a tasty fish
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If we could just change one thing
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We would all have lungs to sing
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Come one and all
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Man and mammal
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Side by side
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In life's great gene pool
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So long, so long,
so long, so long, so long
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00:03:37,971 --> 00:03:43,921
So long, so long
and thanks for all the fish
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00:03:56,851 --> 00:04:01,049
The extraordinary story
of The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy
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00:04:01,131 --> 00:04:02,723
begins very simply.
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It begins with a man.
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An Earthman, to be precise,
who no more knows his destiny,
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than a tea leaf knows the history
of the East India Company.
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His name is Arthur Dent.
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00:04:26,171 --> 00:04:29,322
He is a five-foot-eight-inch-tall
ape descendant,
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and someone is trying to drive
a bypass through his house.
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What do I want you to do about it?
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Find him and tell him I'm currently
lying flat on my back in front of...
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00:04:44,411 --> 00:04:45,639
Fine, I'll hold.
54
00:04:45,731 --> 00:04:48,291
You can't lie in front
of the bulldozers for ever.
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I'm game. We'll see who rusts first.
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This bypass has got to be built
and it is going to be built.
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00:04:53,811 --> 00:04:57,645
- Why has it got to be built?
- It's a bypass.
58
00:04:57,771 --> 00:05:02,128
You've got to build bypasses. Besides,
you should've protested months ago.
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The plans have been on display
at the planning office for a year.
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On display?
I had to go down to a cellar.
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Mr Dent, have you any idea how much
damage this bulldozer would suffer
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if I just let it roll straight over you?
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- How much?
- None at all.
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By a strange coincidence,
"none at all"
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is exactly how much suspicion
ape-descendant Arthur Dent had
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that one of his closest friends
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was not descended from an ape,
but was, in fact, from a small planet
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somewhere in the vicinity
of Betelgeuse.
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Arthur.
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- Ford.
- Yes?
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Here.
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There you are.
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Eat, drink. We gotta talk.
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Now's not the best time.
They're going to demolish my home.
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You already know? How?
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What do you...?
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Oh, they, they? When you say
"they" you mean they? Got it.
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Listen. I got somethin' important
I gotta tell you. Right now.
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Well, what about my house?
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Workers of the Earth, I bring
good tidings of peanuts and beer.
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Good. Let's go to the pub.
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They won't demolish it
until they've finished the beers.
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- Can we trust 'em?
- To the end of the Earth.
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- How far's that?
- About 12 minutes away.
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Barman, six pints of bitter and quickly.
The world's about to end.
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Six pints coming up.
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Keep the change.
You got about ten minutes to spend it.
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Three pints each? At lunchtime?
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Sorry.
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Time is an illusion.
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Lunchtime, doubly so.
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And eat those peanuts
because you'll need the salt.
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- Look, what is going on, Ford?
- Arthur...
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What if I told you
I really wasn't from Guildford?
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I was from a small planet
somewhere in the vicinity of Betelgeuse?
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- Is it something you're likely to say?
- Remember when we met?
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Out of the way.
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Hi.
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Wasn't it strange I was trying
to shake hands with a car?
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I assumed you were drunk.
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I thought cars were the dominant
life form. I was introducing myself.
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You saved my life.
And now I'm saving yours. Please drink.
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It must be Thursday. I could never
get the hang of Thursdays.
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- If this is about your house...
- No, it's not about the house.
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- Who's he?
- She.
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Tricia McMillan.
We met at a fancy-dress party.
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I hate those kind of parties.
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I'd rather have stayed at home
and ironed my hankies.
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- But there I was.
- Who are you?
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And there she was.
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- Dent. Arthur Dent.
- No. I mean, who are you?
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Oh, the costume? Right.
"Livingstone, I presume."
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Yeah, it's not as clever as Darwin,
but the best I could do at short notice.
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You're the first to get that right.
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- Really?
- Yes. Everyone calls me Santa.
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- Right.
- I thought the beagle was a giveaway.
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So did I.
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People at these parties
are drunken idiots.
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What?
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All these people are idiots. God.
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That's awkward.
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Tell me.
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She was amazing though, Ford.
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Beautiful, witty, mad as a balloon.
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Without the beard,
you look at least 80 years younger.
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Maybe I'm de-evolving.
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Well, I should tell you that I do not
date single-celled organisms, OK?
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Let's go somewhere.
129
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Yeah. Definitely.
Where do you have in mind?
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- Madagascar.
- Is that that new club on Dean Street?
131
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No, it's a country
off the coast of Africa.
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That Madagascar?
Why are we waiting here?
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Wait a sec.
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Go.
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God, you're serious.
I can't go to Madagascar.
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00:09:42,051 --> 00:09:44,963
- Why not?
- Because, I just, you know...
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- You're serious?
- Yeah.
138
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I want to go somewhere I've never been
and I'd like to go with you,
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so what do you say, Dr Livingstone?
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I say that's
an extraordinary proposition.
141
00:09:58,411 --> 00:10:01,289
I can't go. I mean, I've got a job.
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Quit. Get a new one
when you come back.
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I don't even know your real name.
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00:10:05,651 --> 00:10:08,848
- Tricia McMillan.
- Well, Tricia McMillan.
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I have a proposition for you.
146
00:10:12,331 --> 00:10:18,930
Why don't we go somewhere
a little closer first, say Cornwall,
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and we'll see how it goes.
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Right, of course, Cornwall.
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00:10:27,291 --> 00:10:29,407
Hey, excuse me.
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00:10:32,171 --> 00:10:36,164
Is this guy boring you?
Why don't you talk to me instead?
151
00:10:36,251 --> 00:10:39,004
I'm from a different planet.
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00:10:41,971 --> 00:10:45,008
It's true. You want to see my spaceship?
153
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"Do you want to see my spaceship?"
What kind of chat-up line is that?
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That does happen.
155
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Speaking of...
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We've got two minutes.
Drink up.
157
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That's my house.
158
00:11:07,731 --> 00:11:11,610
People of Earth, a round of drinks,
for everyone, on me.
159
00:11:11,691 --> 00:11:14,251
You really think
the world's going to end?
160
00:11:14,331 --> 00:11:15,810
Yes.
161
00:11:16,371 --> 00:11:20,159
Shouldn't we lie down, or put a paper
bag over our heads, or something?
162
00:11:20,251 --> 00:11:23,049
- If you like.
- Will it help?
163
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Not at all. See you.
164
00:11:25,811 --> 00:11:27,005
Last orders, then.
165
00:11:42,651 --> 00:11:44,881
- What is that?
- Run.
166
00:11:44,971 --> 00:11:46,848
Look out.
167
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Towel.
168
00:12:16,491 --> 00:12:18,402
Arthur.
169
00:12:18,491 --> 00:12:20,368
What the hell are those things?
170
00:12:21,251 --> 00:12:23,845
They're ships
from a Vogon constructor fleet.
171
00:12:23,931 --> 00:12:28,322
I picked up their signal this morning.
Here, you'll need this.
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00:12:28,411 --> 00:12:31,448
- What are you doing?
- We're hitching a ride.
173
00:12:34,531 --> 00:12:38,729
People of Earth,
this is Prostetnic Vogon Jeltz
174
00:12:38,811 --> 00:12:41,371
of the Galactic Hyperspace
Planning Council.
175
00:12:41,451 --> 00:12:42,930
As you are probably aware,
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00:12:43,011 --> 00:12:46,481
plans for the development
of the outlying regions of the galaxy
177
00:12:46,571 --> 00:12:50,928
involve the building of a hyperspace
express route through your star system.
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And your planet is one of those
scheduled for demolition.
179
00:13:02,731 --> 00:13:05,120
There's no point
acting surprised about it.
180
00:13:05,211 --> 00:13:07,645
The plans have been on display
181
00:13:07,731 --> 00:13:11,326
at your local planning office
in Alpha Centauri for 50 Earth years.
182
00:13:12,171 --> 00:13:15,959
If you can't be bothered
with local affairs, that's your lookout.
183
00:13:16,051 --> 00:13:18,406
Apathetic bloody planet.
184
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I've no sympathy at all.
185
00:15:04,411 --> 00:15:07,005
The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy
186
00:15:07,091 --> 00:15:09,446
is a wholly remarkable book.
187
00:15:09,531 --> 00:15:12,648
Perhaps the most remarkable,
certainly the most successful,
188
00:15:12,731 --> 00:15:16,644
ever to come out of the great
publishing corporations of Ursa Minor.
189
00:15:16,731 --> 00:15:19,882
More popular than
The Celestial Homecare Omnibus,
190
00:15:19,971 --> 00:15:23,600
better selling than
53 More Things to Do in Zero Gravity,
191
00:15:23,691 --> 00:15:26,569
and more controversial than
Oolon Colluphid's trilogy
192
00:15:26,651 --> 00:15:29,688
of philosophical blockbusters,
Where God Went Wrong,
193
00:15:29,771 --> 00:15:32,160
Some More of God's Greatest Mistakes,
194
00:15:32,251 --> 00:15:34,481
and Who Is This God Person Anyway?
195
00:15:35,131 --> 00:15:38,123
It's already supplanted
the Encyclopaedia Galactica
196
00:15:38,251 --> 00:15:41,243
as the standard repository
of all knowledge and wisdom
197
00:15:41,331 --> 00:15:43,606
for two important reasons.
198
00:15:43,691 --> 00:15:46,159
First, it's slightly cheaper,
199
00:15:46,291 --> 00:15:49,249
and second, it has the words
"Don't Panic"
200
00:15:49,331 --> 00:15:52,641
printed in large,
friendly letters on its cover.
201
00:16:00,971 --> 00:16:03,644
So you're not from Guildford?
202
00:16:03,771 --> 00:16:07,650
Which would explain the accent,
which I've always wondered about.
203
00:16:07,731 --> 00:16:11,326
You're not an out-of-work actor,
204
00:16:11,411 --> 00:16:16,690
but rather a writer for this,
this book thing.
205
00:16:17,451 --> 00:16:19,089
Good, huh?
206
00:16:19,171 --> 00:16:21,480
I don't feel well.
I need a cup of tea.
207
00:16:21,571 --> 00:16:24,847
If I asked where we were,
would I regret it?
208
00:16:24,931 --> 00:16:27,923
- We're safe for now.
- Good.
209
00:16:28,011 --> 00:16:31,799
We're in the washroom on one of the
ships of the Vogon constructor fleet.
210
00:16:31,931 --> 00:16:35,241
- Get me home, Ford.
- Arthur, your home is...
211
00:16:35,371 --> 00:16:39,728
Oh, God, my home.
My home was demolished.
212
00:16:44,411 --> 00:16:46,322
You don't remember.
213
00:16:47,251 --> 00:16:53,326
OK, Arthur, I've got something to tell
you. It's unfortunate, but it's true.
214
00:16:53,411 --> 00:16:56,448
Your home planet has been blown up.
215
00:17:04,931 --> 00:17:06,842
Blown up.
216
00:17:13,411 --> 00:17:15,402
Couldn't you have done something?
217
00:17:15,491 --> 00:17:19,370
I saved your life.
OK, that makes us even.
218
00:17:19,451 --> 00:17:22,602
It's a tough galaxy. If you want
to survive out here,
219
00:17:22,691 --> 00:17:26,764
you've gotta know where your towel is.
220
00:17:26,891 --> 00:17:29,280
OK, give me a hand over here.
221
00:17:31,651 --> 00:17:35,530
Careful. It's hot.
We've gotta get off this ship.
222
00:17:35,611 --> 00:17:37,567
Before the Vogons find us.
223
00:17:37,651 --> 00:17:40,563
Vogons, they hate hitchhikers. Pull.
224
00:17:46,131 --> 00:17:49,328
- Now we'll get a signal.
- What is a Vogon?
225
00:17:49,411 --> 00:17:51,208
Ask the Guide. Say "Vogons".
226
00:17:52,891 --> 00:17:54,882
Vogons.
227
00:17:55,651 --> 00:17:59,849
Vogons are one of the
most unpleasant races in the galaxy.
228
00:17:59,931 --> 00:18:04,049
Not evil, but bad-tempered,
bureaucratic, officious and callous.
229
00:18:04,131 --> 00:18:07,567
They wouldn't even lift a finger
to save their own grandmothers
230
00:18:07,651 --> 00:18:10,723
from the Ravenous Bugblatter Beast
of Traal without orders
231
00:18:10,811 --> 00:18:13,166
signed in triplicate,
sent in, sent back,
232
00:18:13,251 --> 00:18:16,448
queried, lost, found,
subjected to public inquiry,
233
00:18:16,571 --> 00:18:19,802
lost again and finally buried
in soft peat for three months
234
00:18:19,891 --> 00:18:22,644
and recycled as firelighters.
235
00:18:23,891 --> 00:18:28,487
On no account should you allow
a Vogon to read poetry to you.
236
00:18:30,091 --> 00:18:34,482
They can't think or imagine.
Most can't spell. They just run things.
237
00:18:40,531 --> 00:18:42,442
And if we don't get a ride soon,
238
00:18:42,531 --> 00:18:45,807
we won't need the Guide to tell us
how unpleasant the Vogons are.
239
00:18:45,891 --> 00:18:48,121
They've already destroyed
a planet today.
240
00:18:48,211 --> 00:18:50,441
That always makes them a little...
241
00:18:56,571 --> 00:18:59,483
- What is that?
- Put this in your ear.
242
00:19:03,851 --> 00:19:07,526
We have unwittingly picked up
a couple of hitchhikers.
243
00:19:07,611 --> 00:19:10,205
The fish is translating for you.
244
00:19:11,131 --> 00:19:14,123
The Babel fish
is small, yellow, leech-like,
245
00:19:14,211 --> 00:19:18,363
and probably the oddest thing
in the universe.
246
00:19:18,451 --> 00:19:22,729
It feeds on brainwave energy,
absorbing unconscious frequencies,
247
00:19:22,811 --> 00:19:25,279
and excreting a matrix
of conscious frequencies
248
00:19:25,411 --> 00:19:27,481
to the speech centres of the brain.
249
00:19:27,611 --> 00:19:30,967
The practical upshot of which is that,
if you stick one in your ear,
250
00:19:31,051 --> 00:19:36,444
you instantly understand
anything said to you in any language.
251
00:19:44,211 --> 00:19:46,600
Resistance is useless.
252
00:19:50,251 --> 00:19:52,242
- All right.
- Someone's coming.
253
00:19:52,371 --> 00:19:54,646
Here we go. Look lively.
254
00:20:30,571 --> 00:20:32,050
Sir.
255
00:20:32,131 --> 00:20:34,770
- What?
- Hitchhikers.
256
00:21:12,571 --> 00:21:15,688
"O freddled gruntbuggly..."
257
00:21:15,771 --> 00:21:18,205
No, really, you don't have to read.
258
00:21:18,291 --> 00:21:20,885
We've put you through
enough trouble already.
259
00:21:20,971 --> 00:21:25,920
"...as plerdled gabbleblotchits
on a lurgid bee."
260
00:21:26,011 --> 00:21:31,131
Vogon poetry is widely accepted
as the third worst in the universe.
261
00:21:32,251 --> 00:21:35,368
The second worst
is that of the Azgoths of Kria.
262
00:21:35,451 --> 00:21:38,841
During a recitation by their
Poet Master, Grunthos the Flatulent,
263
00:21:38,931 --> 00:21:41,729
of his poem
Ode to a Small Lump of Green Putty
264
00:21:41,811 --> 00:21:44,279
I Found in my Armpit
One Midsummer Morning,
265
00:21:44,411 --> 00:21:47,483
four of his audience
died of internal haemorrhaging,
266
00:21:47,571 --> 00:21:50,927
and the President of the
Mid-Galactic Arts Nobbling Council
267
00:21:51,011 --> 00:21:53,320
survived by gnawing
one of his own legs off.
268
00:21:53,411 --> 00:21:58,121
"Or I will rend thee
in the gobberwarts..."
269
00:21:58,211 --> 00:22:01,044
"...with my blurgle..."
270
00:22:01,131 --> 00:22:05,363
The absolute worst poetry was by
Paula Millstone Jennings of Sussex.
271
00:22:05,451 --> 00:22:07,840
Luckily, it was destroyed
when the Earth was.
272
00:22:07,971 --> 00:22:12,442
"See if I don't." Yeah.
273
00:22:14,531 --> 00:22:19,685
So, Earthlings,
I present you with a choice.
274
00:22:19,771 --> 00:22:22,763
Either die in the vacuum of space,
275
00:22:22,891 --> 00:22:27,487
or tell me what you thought of my poem.
276
00:22:29,051 --> 00:22:32,805
Actually, I rather liked it.
277
00:22:34,891 --> 00:22:37,485
That's good. Run with it.
278
00:22:37,571 --> 00:22:39,880
Some of the words I didn't understand,
279
00:22:40,011 --> 00:22:43,242
but I found the imagery quite effective.
280
00:22:44,131 --> 00:22:45,405
Continue.
281
00:22:45,491 --> 00:22:49,006
Well, yes,
interesting rhythmic devices,
282
00:22:49,091 --> 00:22:51,446
which seemed to counterpoint
283
00:22:51,531 --> 00:22:54,091
the underlying metaphor
of the humanity of...
284
00:22:54,171 --> 00:22:57,243
- Vogonity.
- Vogonity, sorry, vogonity
285
00:22:57,331 --> 00:22:59,720
of the poet's soul.
286
00:23:03,131 --> 00:23:07,090
So what you're saying is,
287
00:23:07,171 --> 00:23:09,639
I write poetry because
288
00:23:09,771 --> 00:23:14,003
underneath this mean,
callous, heartless exterior,
289
00:23:14,091 --> 00:23:17,879
I just want to be loved?
290
00:23:19,091 --> 00:23:21,047
Yes.
291
00:23:21,131 --> 00:23:23,486
Yes, yeah, please.
292
00:23:28,851 --> 00:23:30,364
Throw them off the ship.
293
00:23:30,451 --> 00:23:33,727
- No.
- Ford.
294
00:23:35,291 --> 00:23:37,486
All right.
295
00:23:37,571 --> 00:23:40,961
Resistance is useless.
296
00:23:43,531 --> 00:23:47,843
Shut up. Get a job.
Wash your filthy hands.
297
00:23:47,971 --> 00:23:50,565
Don't panic.
298
00:23:50,651 --> 00:23:56,408
So this is it?
We're gonna die?
299
00:23:56,491 --> 00:23:59,961
Yeah, we're gonna die.
300
00:24:00,051 --> 00:24:02,849
No, what's this?
301
00:24:02,931 --> 00:24:04,523
What is this?
302
00:24:04,611 --> 00:24:08,729
What's this? This is nothing.
Yeah, we're gonna die.
303
00:24:18,971 --> 00:24:21,007
You're sweating.
304
00:24:28,931 --> 00:24:31,081
- Would you like a hug?
- No.
305
00:24:44,091 --> 00:24:47,527
"Space," says the introduction
to The Hitchhiker's Guide,
306
00:24:47,611 --> 00:24:49,966
"is big. Really big."
307
00:24:50,051 --> 00:24:55,250
"You just won't believe how vastly,
hugely, mind-bogglingly big it is. "
308
00:24:55,331 --> 00:24:57,128
And so on.
309
00:24:57,211 --> 00:25:00,123
It also says that
if you hold a lungful of air,
310
00:25:00,211 --> 00:25:05,410
you can survive in the total vacuum
of space for about 30 seconds.
311
00:25:05,491 --> 00:25:07,561
But with space being really big and all,
312
00:25:07,691 --> 00:25:10,125
the chances of being picked up
within that time
313
00:25:10,211 --> 00:25:12,281
are two to the power of two billion,
314
00:25:12,371 --> 00:25:15,283
79 million, 460 thousand,
315
00:25:15,411 --> 00:25:18,244
347 to one against.
316
00:25:18,331 --> 00:25:20,049
By a staggering coincidence,
317
00:25:20,171 --> 00:25:22,639
it's also the phone number
of the Islington flat
318
00:25:22,771 --> 00:25:24,887
where Arthur went to a fancy dress party
319
00:25:24,971 --> 00:25:28,168
and met a very nice young woman
whom he totally blew it with.
320
00:25:31,531 --> 00:25:35,410
Though the planet Earth,
the Islington flat and telephone
321
00:25:35,491 --> 00:25:40,884
have all now been demolished,
Ford and Arthur were, in fact, rescued.
322
00:25:40,971 --> 00:25:43,690
- Ford?
- Yes.
323
00:25:43,771 --> 00:25:47,684
- I think I'm a sofa.
- I know how you feel.
324
00:25:54,811 --> 00:25:57,405
So much for the laws of physics.
325
00:25:57,491 --> 00:25:59,243
And once again, our top story.
326
00:25:59,371 --> 00:26:03,489
The sensational theft of the most
coveted ship in the universe,
327
00:26:03,571 --> 00:26:05,402
the starship Heart of Gold.
328
00:26:05,491 --> 00:26:07,925
Stolen at the launch ceremony
by none other
329
00:26:08,011 --> 00:26:10,730
than Galactic President
Zaphod Beeblebrox.
330
00:26:10,811 --> 00:26:15,885
In the name of people, freedom,
and democracy, stuff like that,
331
00:26:15,971 --> 00:26:19,850
I hereby kidnap myself
and I'm taking the ship with me.
332
00:26:19,931 --> 00:26:21,887
Come on.
333
00:26:21,971 --> 00:26:24,326
Beeblebrox, universally considered
334
00:26:24,411 --> 00:26:27,244
to be the dimmest star
in several solar systems,
335
00:26:27,331 --> 00:26:30,846
is most famous for his controversial
defeat of Humma Kavula
336
00:26:30,931 --> 00:26:34,719
who claimed many thought they were
voting for the worst-dressed being
337
00:26:34,811 --> 00:26:36,802
in the universe contest.
338
00:26:37,811 --> 00:26:38,800
Great.
339
00:26:38,891 --> 00:26:41,689
Kavula is best remembered
for his slanderous
340
00:26:41,811 --> 00:26:44,245
"Don't Vote for Stupid!" campaign.
341
00:26:44,331 --> 00:26:47,687
Put your ego aside.
Something important has happened.
342
00:26:47,771 --> 00:26:51,969
If there's anything more important than
my ego, I want it caught and shot now.
343
00:26:52,091 --> 00:26:53,683
Come on, I love it.
344
00:26:53,771 --> 00:26:56,683
Zaphod's just this guy, you know.
345
00:26:59,451 --> 00:27:00,440
What d'you...?
346
00:27:00,571 --> 00:27:04,644
- I was just watching myself.
- We have a couple of hitchhikers.
347
00:27:04,731 --> 00:27:07,199
Hitchhikers?
Why'd you pick up hitchhikers?
348
00:27:07,291 --> 00:27:09,088
I didn't. The ship did.
349
00:27:09,211 --> 00:27:11,327
What? Say what?
350
00:27:11,411 --> 00:27:15,848
When we engaged the
lmprobability Drive... The big button.
351
00:27:15,931 --> 00:27:17,887
- I know.
- They were picked up here.
352
00:27:17,971 --> 00:27:22,169
In sector ZZ9 Plural Z Alpha. Wait.
That's where you picked me up.
353
00:27:22,251 --> 00:27:24,082
- On Earth.
- That's impossible.
354
00:27:24,171 --> 00:27:27,368
- No, just very improbable.
- Listen. I don't have time for this.
355
00:27:27,491 --> 00:27:31,564
We've got the police of half the galaxy
after us. We've stopped for hitchhikers.
356
00:27:31,651 --> 00:27:33,881
So ten out of ten for style, but
357
00:27:33,971 --> 00:27:36,326
minus several million
for good thinking.
358
00:27:36,411 --> 00:27:39,562
You're too gorgeous, baby, stop it.
You drive me crazy.
359
00:27:40,571 --> 00:27:42,880
Don't. I'll send Marvin.
360
00:27:44,051 --> 00:27:45,769
Marvin.
361
00:27:48,771 --> 00:27:51,569
You ought to know,
I'm feeling very depressed.
362
00:27:52,651 --> 00:27:55,848
Well, we have something
that should take your mind off things.
363
00:27:55,931 --> 00:28:00,402
It won't work.
I have an exceptionally large mind.
364
00:28:00,531 --> 00:28:06,208
Yeah, we know. But we need you to go
down to the number two entry bay
365
00:28:06,331 --> 00:28:09,050
and pick up our stowaways
and bring them up here.
366
00:28:09,131 --> 00:28:12,282
Just that? I won't enjoy it.
367
00:28:12,371 --> 00:28:14,931
Yeah, well, that's life.
368
00:28:15,011 --> 00:28:19,084
Life? Don't talk to me about life.
369
00:28:27,891 --> 00:28:30,246
- Commander Kwaltz.
- Yes.
370
00:28:30,331 --> 00:28:34,483
We have located the spaceship
Heart of Gold and President Beeblebrox.
371
00:28:34,571 --> 00:28:38,530
- Where?
- Sector ZZ9 Plural Z Alpha.
372
00:28:38,611 --> 00:28:41,045
Requesting hyperspace clearance.
373
00:28:41,171 --> 00:28:46,803
Hold your position, captain,
until clearance is granted.
374
00:28:46,891 --> 00:28:51,043
- Yes, sir.
- Get me Vice-President Questular.
375
00:28:54,291 --> 00:28:58,330
Hyperspace permission granted, captain.
376
00:28:58,451 --> 00:29:00,681
Here we go.
377
00:29:21,411 --> 00:29:24,005
I think that door just sighed.
378
00:29:24,091 --> 00:29:26,400
Ghastly, isn't it?
379
00:29:26,491 --> 00:29:28,800
All the doors have been programmed
380
00:29:28,891 --> 00:29:31,963
to have a cheerful
and sunny disposition.
381
00:29:34,051 --> 00:29:38,647
Anyway, come on. I've been ordered
to take you up to the bridge.
382
00:29:40,411 --> 00:29:42,322
Please yourselves.
383
00:29:42,411 --> 00:29:45,528
Here I am,
brain the size of a planet,
384
00:29:45,611 --> 00:29:48,045
and they ask me to take you
up to the bridge.
385
00:29:48,171 --> 00:29:51,481
Call that job satisfaction?
Cos I don't.
386
00:29:51,571 --> 00:29:57,043
You can thank the Sirius Cybernetics
Corp. For building robots with GPP.
387
00:29:57,131 --> 00:30:00,487
- What's G.P. P?
- Genuine People Personalities.
388
00:30:00,651 --> 00:30:04,849
I'm a personality prototype.
You can tell, can't you?
389
00:30:10,731 --> 00:30:12,210
Arthur?
390
00:30:13,091 --> 00:30:17,482
Hey, Slim, are you wearing
my underwear? Cos I'm wearing yours.
391
00:30:17,571 --> 00:30:20,244
And they ain't doing the trick.
Come on. All right.
392
00:30:23,291 --> 00:30:25,282
Oh, for heaven's sake.
393
00:30:26,211 --> 00:30:29,009
I've brought the aliens.
Don't thank me or anything.
394
00:30:31,171 --> 00:30:33,127
Freeze.
395
00:30:33,251 --> 00:30:36,607
Freeze? I'm a robot. Not a refrigerator.
396
00:30:36,691 --> 00:30:40,161
- I wasn't talking to you, Giggles.
- Why do I bother?
397
00:30:40,251 --> 00:30:41,969
- Zaphod?
- Ford.
398
00:30:42,091 --> 00:30:46,289
Is that you? Ford. Praxibetel lx.
399
00:30:46,371 --> 00:30:48,282
What the hell are you doing here?
400
00:30:48,371 --> 00:30:51,647
I just stuck out my thumb and here I am.
401
00:30:51,771 --> 00:30:54,444
- That is so you.
- Look at you.
402
00:30:54,571 --> 00:30:58,769
President of the Galaxy.
I can't believe you beat Humma Kavula.
403
00:30:58,851 --> 00:31:00,409
You zarkin' frood.
404
00:31:00,491 --> 00:31:04,689
I want you to meet a friend.
Arthur, this is Zaphod Beeblebrox.
405
00:31:05,851 --> 00:31:10,641
President of the Galaxy. This is my
cousin. He's a semi-half brother...
406
00:31:10,731 --> 00:31:14,167
- We share three of the same mothers.
- We've met.
407
00:31:14,291 --> 00:31:19,524
Have we? I'm sorry.
I've got a terrible memory for species.
408
00:31:19,611 --> 00:31:23,763
This is him, Ford. The would-you-like-
to-see-my-spaceship bloke.
409
00:31:25,251 --> 00:31:30,279
- Hello, Arthur.
- Tricia.
410
00:31:30,371 --> 00:31:32,680
- How you doin'?
- Hey, Trillian.
411
00:31:32,771 --> 00:31:36,400
This is my semi-half-brother lx,
I'm sorry, Ford.
412
00:31:36,491 --> 00:31:39,164
- Hi.
- Hi.
413
00:31:39,291 --> 00:31:43,045
Would you excuse us
for a second, please?
414
00:31:43,131 --> 00:31:46,248
You went down on that little planet
and didn't call me?
415
00:31:46,331 --> 00:31:49,050
Sorry, I didn't know.
I had a galaxy to run.
416
00:31:49,131 --> 00:31:51,326
Hi, Tricia McMillan, right?
417
00:31:51,411 --> 00:31:54,448
I think he called you Trillian.
Which of us got the right one?
418
00:31:54,531 --> 00:31:56,999
I shortened it.
Something a little more spacey.
419
00:31:57,131 --> 00:31:59,565
Right. I was thinking
of changing mine to,
420
00:31:59,651 --> 00:32:01,528
I don't know, Arthoolia.
421
00:32:01,611 --> 00:32:05,490
That's a good one.
Well, this is weird.
422
00:32:05,571 --> 00:32:08,961
- How'd you get here?
- I just stuck out my thumb.
423
00:32:09,051 --> 00:32:12,521
- Right. In your pyjamas?
- I was in a hurry.
424
00:32:12,651 --> 00:32:14,642
OK. Did you know I was here?
425
00:32:14,731 --> 00:32:17,291
Don't flatter yourself.
I've got a spaceman too.
426
00:32:17,371 --> 00:32:19,965
Yeah, that's kinda like
the Dingo Shuffle, yeah.
427
00:32:20,091 --> 00:32:22,047
OK, look.
428
00:32:22,131 --> 00:32:25,806
I left you at the party. I feel bad, but
I was gonna call you when I got back.
429
00:32:25,891 --> 00:32:28,769
Well, there is no
going back now, is there?
430
00:32:29,851 --> 00:32:31,364
You do know what happened?
431
00:32:31,451 --> 00:32:34,124
Enough small talk.
We're on the run, remember?
432
00:32:34,211 --> 00:32:36,042
Excuse me, we're having a chat.
433
00:32:36,211 --> 00:32:38,486
Well, I think the girl's getting...
Boo.
434
00:32:38,611 --> 00:32:43,685
You blew it with her, Earthman, so shut
your face or I'll kick you in the zatch.
435
00:32:43,771 --> 00:32:45,284
- You wanna fight?
- OK.
436
00:32:45,371 --> 00:32:48,044
- No.
- I'm just kidding.
437
00:32:48,131 --> 00:32:51,441
I'm a kidder. Let's be friends.
Let's connect. You and I.
438
00:32:52,291 --> 00:32:54,282
Didn't see that one coming, did you?
439
00:32:54,371 --> 00:32:57,568
Popped right out of the box.
You foxy, yeah.
440
00:32:57,931 --> 00:33:00,968
Teach your pal a lesson, Ford.
He's a guest on my ship.
441
00:33:01,091 --> 00:33:03,366
He's a guest on my ship.
442
00:33:04,331 --> 00:33:06,287
I thought you said you stole it.
443
00:33:07,851 --> 00:33:10,604
Stole what?
What are we talking about?
444
00:33:12,171 --> 00:33:14,207
That doesn't sound good.
445
00:33:18,491 --> 00:33:21,722
- Are you OK?
- Just fabulous, thanks, Trill.
446
00:33:21,811 --> 00:33:24,450
A little help over here.
I'm in over my head.
447
00:33:24,571 --> 00:33:27,802
I'll take care of this. Good Zarquon,
do I have to do everything?
448
00:33:27,931 --> 00:33:29,080
Yes, I do.
449
00:33:29,171 --> 00:33:31,287
Hey, this is really pretty.
450
00:33:31,371 --> 00:33:33,805
- Don't.
- They're on our tail.
451
00:33:33,931 --> 00:33:36,206
Fire a gun. Launch a missile.
Do some damage.
452
00:33:45,331 --> 00:33:46,320
Stop that.
453
00:33:46,411 --> 00:33:48,367
Just kiddin'. I love it rough. Hit me.
454
00:33:48,451 --> 00:33:51,249
- Computer?
- Hi, there.
455
00:33:51,331 --> 00:33:53,322
I'm Eddie, your computer.
456
00:33:53,411 --> 00:33:57,006
I'm pleased to report that it's a fleet
of 100 Vogon battle destroyers.
457
00:33:57,091 --> 00:33:59,286
They're sending you a message.
458
00:33:59,371 --> 00:34:01,646
This is Vice-President Questular Rontok.
459
00:34:01,731 --> 00:34:05,007
I am speaking to the kidnapper
of the President?
460
00:34:05,131 --> 00:34:06,246
She digs me.
461
00:34:06,331 --> 00:34:08,401
Surrender the stolen vessel at once
462
00:34:08,531 --> 00:34:11,887
or we will take action
as defined and permitted by...
463
00:34:13,851 --> 00:34:17,639
section 1-8 of the Galactic Interstellar
Space Bylaws...
464
00:34:17,731 --> 00:34:20,962
Zaphod, please come back now.
This is ridiculous.
465
00:34:21,051 --> 00:34:23,690
Leap to hyperspace. Come on.
466
00:34:23,811 --> 00:34:25,722
Sure thing, fella.
467
00:34:32,611 --> 00:34:33,964
No.
468
00:34:34,091 --> 00:34:39,245
Did they have proper
hyperspace authorisation?
469
00:34:39,331 --> 00:34:41,128
No, commander.
470
00:34:43,931 --> 00:34:48,322
Bring me the request
to pursue fugitive forms.
471
00:34:48,411 --> 00:34:50,322
I'm coming, sir.
472
00:34:52,771 --> 00:34:55,001
I'm boiling. Here's the form, sir.
473
00:34:58,331 --> 00:35:02,404
So are you along for the ride
or am I just dropping you somewhere?
474
00:35:02,491 --> 00:35:05,688
That depends. Where are you going?
475
00:35:05,771 --> 00:35:07,682
Where am I going?
476
00:35:08,731 --> 00:35:13,009
- You OK?
- Yeah. Don't suppose there's any tea.
477
00:35:13,091 --> 00:35:16,049
Yes, there is. Come on.
I'll show you the kitchen.
478
00:35:16,131 --> 00:35:20,443
When you see what I'm about to show you,
you'll beg me to take you with us.
479
00:35:20,531 --> 00:35:24,763
The best drink in existence
is the Pan-Galactic Gargle Blaster,
480
00:35:24,851 --> 00:35:29,367
the effect of which is like having your
brains smashed out by a slice of lemon
481
00:35:29,451 --> 00:35:31,919
wrapped round a large gold brick.
482
00:35:36,451 --> 00:35:39,249
- Belgium. Hold it one second.
- Belgium.
483
00:35:40,211 --> 00:35:42,964
Ape-man, Earth dude, sorry,
what's your name again?
484
00:35:43,051 --> 00:35:45,406
- Arthur.
- Right. Gorgeous.
485
00:35:45,491 --> 00:35:48,722
No hard feelings, OK?
Sorry to hear about your planet...
486
00:35:48,811 --> 00:35:50,529
- Earth.
- Yeah. I liked Earth.
487
00:35:50,611 --> 00:35:53,444
Got these boots there.
But don't mention it to the girl.
488
00:35:53,571 --> 00:35:57,166
Because if you do... I'll pull your
spleen out through your throat.
489
00:35:57,251 --> 00:36:00,049
- All right. Thanks, buddy.
- OK.
490
00:36:00,131 --> 00:36:03,043
Good stuff. Like those jammies.
491
00:36:05,731 --> 00:36:08,609
Zaphod, what's with the two-head thing?
492
00:36:09,331 --> 00:36:13,165
Oh, yeah. Apparently, you can't
be president with a whole brain.
493
00:36:13,251 --> 00:36:15,207
It's crazy.
494
00:36:15,291 --> 00:36:17,327
- Oh, so you carved it up?
- Yes.
495
00:36:17,411 --> 00:36:21,370
Parts of my personality weren't exactly
what you'd call presidential.
496
00:36:21,451 --> 00:36:23,328
You know what I'm talkin' about.
497
00:36:26,851 --> 00:36:29,319
Your tea is ready.
498
00:36:40,651 --> 00:36:45,327
I suppose I should've said
it resembles tea.
499
00:36:45,411 --> 00:36:48,084
So, two heads
is what does it for a girl?
500
00:36:48,171 --> 00:36:50,401
I mean, if I'd had two heads,
or three...
501
00:36:50,491 --> 00:36:52,561
Or your own spaceship.
502
00:36:53,491 --> 00:36:55,288
Anything else he's got two of?
503
00:36:55,371 --> 00:36:57,760
Come on, Arthur, don't be like that.
504
00:36:57,851 --> 00:37:01,924
What am I supposed to be like?
Green? Bleeping?
505
00:37:02,011 --> 00:37:04,684
I can fold my eyelids
inside out if you like.
506
00:37:04,771 --> 00:37:08,446
OK, look. Do you see this?
507
00:37:08,571 --> 00:37:12,450
This detects what you're craving
and makes it for you.
508
00:37:12,531 --> 00:37:14,681
Enjoy your doughnut.
509
00:37:18,291 --> 00:37:20,202
Do you see this?
510
00:37:23,211 --> 00:37:29,400
This toasts bread
while you're slicing it.
511
00:37:30,331 --> 00:37:35,041
We're on a spaceship, Arthur. In space.
512
00:37:35,131 --> 00:37:37,929
- I told you I wanted to get away.
- To Madagascar.
513
00:37:38,011 --> 00:37:41,321
That was some sort of test.
514
00:37:42,291 --> 00:37:43,963
And I failed.
515
00:37:44,051 --> 00:37:47,407
- How badly does it hurt?
- It doesn't feel great.
516
00:37:47,491 --> 00:37:49,447
No, I mean your chin.
517
00:37:49,531 --> 00:37:51,601
I might have an aspirin.
518
00:37:51,691 --> 00:37:53,044
Right.
519
00:37:59,411 --> 00:38:04,360
Tricia... Trillian, sorry.
There's something I have to tell you.
520
00:38:04,451 --> 00:38:07,602
- Please, don't.
- Showtime, Trill.
521
00:38:14,051 --> 00:38:16,519
I'm going to set up.
Buttons aren't toys.
522
00:38:16,611 --> 00:38:18,203
Buttons aren't toys.
523
00:38:18,291 --> 00:38:21,249
Anyway... When I saw
what I'm about to show you,
524
00:38:21,331 --> 00:38:25,802
that's when I realised
why I had to do what I did to my brain.
525
00:38:25,891 --> 00:38:28,928
I think. It's all a little...
526
00:38:29,691 --> 00:38:30,680
...shaky.
527
00:38:33,611 --> 00:38:36,603
I've seen it. It's rubbish.
528
00:38:40,051 --> 00:38:42,167
Many millions of years ago,
529
00:38:42,251 --> 00:38:45,561
a race of hyperintelligent,
pan-dimensional beings
530
00:38:45,651 --> 00:38:49,405
got so fed up with the constant
bickering about the meaning of life,
531
00:38:49,491 --> 00:38:52,324
that they commissioned
two of their brightest and best
532
00:38:52,451 --> 00:38:55,602
to design and build
a stupendous super-computer
533
00:38:55,691 --> 00:38:59,889
to calculate the answer to life,
the universe and everything.
534
00:38:59,971 --> 00:39:02,849
O Deep Thought,
535
00:39:02,931 --> 00:39:07,004
we want you to tell us the answer.
536
00:39:07,131 --> 00:39:09,247
The answer to what?
537
00:39:09,331 --> 00:39:13,768
The answer to life,
the universe, everything.
538
00:39:13,891 --> 00:39:17,725
We'd really like an answer.
Something simple.
539
00:39:17,811 --> 00:39:20,371
I'd have to think about that.
540
00:39:20,451 --> 00:39:25,684
Return to this place in exactly
seven-and-a-half million years.
541
00:39:27,131 --> 00:39:30,680
- Is it finished?
- No, there's more. They go back.
542
00:39:30,771 --> 00:39:35,640
- Seven-and-a-half million years later?
- That's right, they do.
543
00:39:51,651 --> 00:39:54,040
Deep Thought, do you have...
544
00:39:54,131 --> 00:39:58,363
An answer for you?
Yes, but you're not going to like it.
545
00:39:59,491 --> 00:40:02,449
- It doesn't matter. We must know it.
- All right.
546
00:40:02,531 --> 00:40:05,329
The answer to the ultimate question
547
00:40:07,211 --> 00:40:10,681
of life, the universe
and everything...
548
00:40:12,291 --> 00:40:13,326
... is...
549
00:40:19,891 --> 00:40:21,370
... 42.
550
00:40:21,451 --> 00:40:23,282
Yeah? What?
551
00:40:24,851 --> 00:40:26,648
42?
552
00:40:26,731 --> 00:40:30,724
Yes, I thought it over quite thoroughly.
It's 42.
553
00:40:30,811 --> 00:40:33,962
It would've been simpler
to have known what the question was.
554
00:40:34,051 --> 00:40:38,727
But it was the question.
The ultimate question. Of everything.
555
00:40:38,811 --> 00:40:40,608
That's not a question.
556
00:40:40,731 --> 00:40:44,280
Only when you know the question
will you know what the answer means.
557
00:40:44,371 --> 00:40:48,808
- Give us the ultimate question then.
- I can't. But there is one who can.
558
00:40:48,891 --> 00:40:52,679
A computer that will calculate
the ultimate question.
559
00:40:52,771 --> 00:40:55,239
A computer of such infinite complexity,
560
00:40:55,371 --> 00:40:59,250
that life itself will form part
of its operational matrix.
561
00:40:59,411 --> 00:41:03,324
And you yourselves shall take on new,
more primitive forms,
562
00:41:03,451 --> 00:41:08,923
and go down into the computer
to navigate its 10-million-year program.
563
00:41:09,051 --> 00:41:12,600
I shall design this computer for you,
and it shall be called...
564
00:41:17,891 --> 00:41:21,281
- That's it?
- That's it.
565
00:41:21,371 --> 00:41:25,080
You're looking for
the ultimate question? You? Why?
566
00:41:25,171 --> 00:41:27,844
I tried that.
Why? 42. Doesn't work.
567
00:41:27,931 --> 00:41:30,684
- Let's get it ready, baby.
- Why...
568
00:41:30,771 --> 00:41:33,763
...do you want to know
the ultimate question?
569
00:41:33,851 --> 00:41:36,684
Partly curiosity,
partly a sense of adventure,
570
00:41:36,851 --> 00:41:40,082
but mostly I think
it's for the fame and the money.
571
00:41:40,171 --> 00:41:42,241
You're President of the Galaxy.
572
00:41:42,331 --> 00:41:44,128
- Yes, Arman.
- Arthur.
573
00:41:44,211 --> 00:41:46,486
Whatever.
Presidential fame is temporary.
574
00:41:46,571 --> 00:41:50,200
I find the question, that's permanent.
It sticks.
575
00:41:50,331 --> 00:41:52,720
Plus, everyone thinks you're deep.
Win-win.
576
00:41:53,411 --> 00:41:57,882
We just hit that button and bam,
we're at Magrathea, I think.
577
00:41:57,971 --> 00:42:01,043
We've hit it twice and
we're still not there, but anyway...
578
00:42:01,171 --> 00:42:03,480
- You in?
- Always.
579
00:42:03,571 --> 00:42:06,244
- All right.
- I want to get off.
580
00:42:06,331 --> 00:42:09,641
- Sorry, what exactly are we doing?
- This.
581
00:42:13,691 --> 00:42:17,240
The Infinite Improbability Drive
is a wonderful new method
582
00:42:17,331 --> 00:42:20,050
of crossing interstellar distances
in a few seconds,
583
00:42:20,131 --> 00:42:23,168
without all that tedious
mucking about in hyperspace.
584
00:42:23,251 --> 00:42:26,368
As the Improbability Drive
reaches infinite improbability,
585
00:42:26,451 --> 00:42:30,285
it passes through every conceivable
point in every conceivable universe
586
00:42:30,371 --> 00:42:32,043
almost simultaneously.
587
00:42:32,131 --> 00:42:34,122
So you're never sure
where you'll end up
588
00:42:34,211 --> 00:42:36,725
or even what species you'll be
when you get there.
589
00:42:36,811 --> 00:42:39,644
It's therefore important
to dress accordingly.
590
00:42:39,731 --> 00:42:43,883
The Drive was invented following
research into finite improbability
591
00:42:44,051 --> 00:42:46,007
often used to break the ice at parties
592
00:42:46,091 --> 00:42:49,208
by making all the molecules
in the hostess's undergarments
593
00:42:49,291 --> 00:42:51,247
leap one foot to the left
594
00:42:51,331 --> 00:42:53,765
in accordance with
the theory of indeterminacy.
595
00:42:53,891 --> 00:42:57,281
Many physicists said they
wouldn't stand for that sort of thing,
596
00:42:57,371 --> 00:42:59,407
partly because it debased science,
597
00:42:59,491 --> 00:43:03,325
but mostly because they didn't get
invited to those sort of parties.
598
00:43:13,131 --> 00:43:16,441
Is this gonna happen
every time we hit that button?
599
00:43:16,531 --> 00:43:18,362
Very probably, yes.
600
00:43:18,491 --> 00:43:21,324
Ah, I think
the Earthman's about to be sick.
601
00:43:21,411 --> 00:43:24,164
In the trashcan, ape-man.
This ship's new.
602
00:43:25,051 --> 00:43:26,769
Come on.
603
00:43:26,891 --> 00:43:29,280
We have normality.
604
00:43:29,411 --> 00:43:30,924
Did it work? Are we there?
605
00:43:32,731 --> 00:43:36,724
Yeah. We're here. Magrathea.
606
00:43:36,811 --> 00:43:38,449
I don't think so. Eddie...
607
00:43:38,571 --> 00:43:40,448
What planet are we looking at?
608
00:43:40,571 --> 00:43:42,289
I'm checking for you.
609
00:43:42,371 --> 00:43:47,161
Did you just pluck
one of my hairs? Off my head?
610
00:43:47,931 --> 00:43:50,650
Thank you so much for waiting.
Sorry to disappoint,
611
00:43:50,731 --> 00:43:52,722
but this is not Magrathea.
612
00:43:52,851 --> 00:43:56,446
We are currently in orbit around
the planet Viltvodle Six.
613
00:43:57,411 --> 00:43:59,322
Humma Kavula.
614
00:44:00,211 --> 00:44:04,921
Magrathea's gonna have to wait.
I got a score to settle on this planet.
615
00:44:05,731 --> 00:44:08,529
Humma Kavula.
616
00:44:12,611 --> 00:44:16,650
In the beginning,
the universe was created.
617
00:44:16,771 --> 00:44:21,367
This made a lot of people very angry,
and is widely regarded as a bad move.
618
00:44:23,411 --> 00:44:26,562
Many races believed it was created
by some sort of god,
619
00:44:26,691 --> 00:44:29,125
though the Jatravartid people
of Viltvodle Six
620
00:44:29,211 --> 00:44:33,966
firmly believe that the entire universe
was sneezed out of the nose of a being
621
00:44:34,051 --> 00:44:36,724
called the Great Green Arkleseizure.
622
00:44:36,811 --> 00:44:38,403
Humma Kavula.
623
00:44:38,491 --> 00:44:40,721
The Jatravartids, who lived in fear
624
00:44:40,811 --> 00:44:44,167
of the time they called the
Coming of the Great White Handkerchief,
625
00:44:44,251 --> 00:44:47,846
were small blue creatures
with more than 50 arms each.
626
00:44:47,931 --> 00:44:50,365
They were unique in being
the only race in history
627
00:44:50,451 --> 00:44:54,046
to have invented
the aerosol deodorant before the wheel.
628
00:44:55,891 --> 00:44:57,802
Mr President.
629
00:44:57,891 --> 00:44:59,529
Hey, all right. How you doin'?
630
00:44:59,651 --> 00:45:01,448
What have we here? I love it.
631
00:45:06,851 --> 00:45:08,887
Hey, I love you. Fantastic.
632
00:45:08,971 --> 00:45:11,485
You guys related? Don't go changing.
633
00:45:11,571 --> 00:45:13,562
Arthur, I want a drink.
634
00:45:13,651 --> 00:45:17,644
I think I've been here before.
Have I been here before?
635
00:45:21,131 --> 00:45:23,087
Lxxie.
636
00:45:23,211 --> 00:45:26,044
- I've been here before.
- Humma Kavula.
637
00:45:26,131 --> 00:45:27,803
Come on.
638
00:45:27,891 --> 00:45:30,610
Tricia, I...
639
00:45:35,371 --> 00:45:43,164
Now we await
with eager expectation
640
00:45:43,291 --> 00:45:49,560
Thy handkerchief
to bring us back to Thee
641
00:45:58,011 --> 00:45:59,763
Hello, Humma.
642
00:46:01,211 --> 00:46:05,409
- Join us. Sit down.
- Good to see you. Thanks. All right.
643
00:46:05,491 --> 00:46:07,527
The handkerchief is coming.
644
00:46:07,611 --> 00:46:13,243
Let us pray the Almighty will exhale
a breath of compassion upon us all.
645
00:46:14,851 --> 00:46:18,605
So that's Humma Kavula.
I thought he was just swearing.
646
00:46:19,331 --> 00:46:23,449
We lift our noses, clogged and unblown,
647
00:46:23,531 --> 00:46:25,567
in reverence to you.
648
00:46:27,251 --> 00:46:31,961
Send the handkerchief, O Blessed One,
so that it may wipe us clean.
649
00:46:32,051 --> 00:46:37,523
We ask this and all things
in Thy precious and alliterative name.
650
00:46:46,091 --> 00:46:47,888
Bless you.
651
00:46:48,331 --> 00:46:50,561
We goin' in here?
652
00:46:50,651 --> 00:46:54,326
All right, I like it. It's big,
it's gold, it's fancy. Fancy pants.
653
00:46:54,411 --> 00:46:57,801
Zaphod Beeblebrox,
our infamous President.
654
00:46:57,891 --> 00:47:00,530
What brings you to our humble planet?
655
00:47:00,611 --> 00:47:04,570
- I think you know why I'm here.
- No, I don't think I do.
656
00:47:04,651 --> 00:47:06,289
I think you think you don't.
657
00:47:07,331 --> 00:47:10,050
But we both know you do.
658
00:47:10,851 --> 00:47:12,648
Eloquent as always.
659
00:47:12,731 --> 00:47:16,440
Your ability to articulate
never ceases to amaze.
660
00:47:16,531 --> 00:47:19,443
That's funny.
During the campaign, Humma,
661
00:47:19,531 --> 00:47:21,840
when you were my opponent
running against me,
662
00:47:21,931 --> 00:47:23,842
you said I was stupid.
663
00:47:42,691 --> 00:47:46,923
The election is ancient history,
Zaphod, but...
664
00:47:49,291 --> 00:47:51,088
...if memory serves, you won,
665
00:47:51,171 --> 00:47:53,765
proving that good looks
and charm
666
00:47:53,851 --> 00:47:59,130
win over brilliance
and the ability to govern.
667
00:48:03,211 --> 00:48:06,328
And, incidentally, you are stupid.
668
00:48:06,411 --> 00:48:08,879
Excuse me, Mr Humma, sir.
669
00:48:09,971 --> 00:48:12,963
I just want to say, there's been
some sort of terrible mix up
670
00:48:13,051 --> 00:48:15,360
cos, actually, he's not with us.
671
00:48:15,451 --> 00:48:18,249
We came to worship you.
He followed us and...
672
00:48:18,331 --> 00:48:20,970
He grew, didn't he. He's not that tall.
673
00:48:21,091 --> 00:48:25,881
You didn't come half-way across the
galaxy to settle a campaign grudge.
674
00:48:27,331 --> 00:48:29,287
Why are you here?
675
00:48:30,811 --> 00:48:33,371
Of course not, that's ridiculous.
676
00:48:33,451 --> 00:48:38,844
I've been stranded on a strange planet
for years, I haven't been avoiding you.
677
00:48:38,931 --> 00:48:41,809
You look great. You're doing well.
678
00:48:41,891 --> 00:48:43,529
You've grown, obviously.
679
00:48:44,371 --> 00:48:47,488
Wait. We don't know why we're here.
680
00:48:47,571 --> 00:48:51,041
We were trying to get to Magrathea
and our ship brought us here.
681
00:48:52,571 --> 00:48:55,927
How very, very improbable.
682
00:49:03,051 --> 00:49:05,724
I kept a few souvenirs
from my former life.
683
00:49:05,811 --> 00:49:08,609
Ah, the heady days of space piracy.
684
00:49:09,571 --> 00:49:16,044
But even an Infinite lmprobability Drive
requires coordinates.
685
00:49:16,171 --> 00:49:18,446
Which I happen to have.
686
00:49:18,571 --> 00:49:20,129
No, no, no.
687
00:49:20,251 --> 00:49:22,526
You don't get something
for nothing, Zaphod.
688
00:49:22,651 --> 00:49:25,165
You must bring me something in return.
689
00:49:25,251 --> 00:49:28,049
- What?
- A gun.
690
00:49:28,131 --> 00:49:30,008
- A gun?
- A very special gun.
691
00:49:30,091 --> 00:49:33,288
Designed by the greatest computer
ever invented.
692
00:49:33,371 --> 00:49:36,169
But the only way to find it
is to go to Magrathea.
693
00:49:36,251 --> 00:49:40,563
Fine. I'll get your gun.
Just give me the coordinates.
694
00:49:40,651 --> 00:49:43,324
And what will you give me
to ensure your return?
695
00:49:44,131 --> 00:49:46,440
My word as President.
696
00:49:47,691 --> 00:49:51,047
No. I need a hostage.
697
00:49:53,451 --> 00:50:00,368
Only, what does
Zaphod Beeblebrox treasure?
698
00:50:04,011 --> 00:50:05,922
Come on.
699
00:50:08,811 --> 00:50:10,563
Oh, no.
700
00:50:10,691 --> 00:50:13,364
Hey, take it easy now. Think about this.
701
00:50:13,451 --> 00:50:16,488
No, stop it.
That kind of tickles.
702
00:50:16,571 --> 00:50:20,007
Two heads are better than one.
Double your pleasure.
703
00:50:20,771 --> 00:50:23,683
It's not fair. You need me.
704
00:50:23,811 --> 00:50:27,804
Come back. Don't leave me alone.
705
00:50:30,730 --> 00:50:32,641
Come back.
706
00:50:32,770 --> 00:50:36,399
I thought I alone
considered your boyfriend
707
00:50:36,490 --> 00:50:39,050
a narcissistic moron,
but the whole galaxy does.
708
00:50:39,130 --> 00:50:41,849
What about you?
"Excuse me, Mr Humma, sir."
709
00:50:41,930 --> 00:50:46,208
"We're not with him. We just came
to worship you." Very brave.
710
00:50:46,290 --> 00:50:48,201
Where the hell is Ford?
711
00:50:52,050 --> 00:50:58,239
By the left, march.
Left, right, left, right.
712
00:50:58,330 --> 00:51:02,448
Mr President,
we're here for your protection.
713
00:51:02,890 --> 00:51:05,404
Fire upon the kidnapper.
714
00:51:06,130 --> 00:51:07,404
Hey, come on.
715
00:51:07,490 --> 00:51:09,958
The President is the kidnapper.
You'll kill him.
716
00:51:11,970 --> 00:51:13,847
It's locked.
717
00:51:16,650 --> 00:51:18,925
Thank you, darling. I'll be in touch.
718
00:51:24,010 --> 00:51:26,365
Come on, Zaphod, man.
719
00:51:29,730 --> 00:51:32,369
- Hey, what did I miss?
- What have you been doing?
720
00:51:32,450 --> 00:51:35,806
Field research. So they found
where we are? Belgium bummer.
721
00:51:35,890 --> 00:51:38,529
They're shooting at us.
What are we going to do?
722
00:51:38,650 --> 00:51:41,767
- I have an idea.
- Pushing him out and running away?
723
00:51:41,850 --> 00:51:44,239
What? He's the one they want.
724
00:51:44,330 --> 00:51:46,480
You can't go out there.
What are you doing?
725
00:51:47,730 --> 00:51:50,563
- Back off.
- What's going on?
726
00:51:52,170 --> 00:51:55,321
I have the President
and I will kill him, I swear.
727
00:51:55,410 --> 00:51:59,198
- Could that actually kill him?
- I don't think so.
728
00:51:59,330 --> 00:52:01,400
It's an aerosol can.
729
00:52:01,490 --> 00:52:03,879
OK, frightened now, frightened.
730
00:52:05,450 --> 00:52:08,760
- Hi, little guy.
- Get her.
731
00:52:08,850 --> 00:52:11,728
- Zaphod, no, come on.
- Arthur.
732
00:52:12,490 --> 00:52:15,209
- Arthur.
- Tricia.
733
00:52:15,290 --> 00:52:18,168
- Arthur.
- Tricia. Wait.
734
00:52:26,770 --> 00:52:29,159
Arthur.
735
00:52:31,810 --> 00:52:34,688
Resistance is useless.
736
00:52:44,250 --> 00:52:47,845
Bring her to Vogsphere
for processing, captain.
737
00:52:49,530 --> 00:52:51,202
Where's the circus?
738
00:52:51,290 --> 00:52:53,850
They got her and it's my fault.
We have to go.
739
00:52:53,930 --> 00:52:55,329
Let's go.
740
00:52:58,770 --> 00:53:00,681
Computer, take us to Magrathea.
741
00:53:00,770 --> 00:53:03,159
What? No.
We've got to go after Tricia.
742
00:53:03,250 --> 00:53:04,569
- Who?
- Trillian.
743
00:53:04,650 --> 00:53:08,040
They've got Trillian,
you stupid half-brained git.
744
00:53:08,130 --> 00:53:10,405
Right, you're coming out.
745
00:53:11,170 --> 00:53:14,924
Computer, we don't want to go to
Magrathea, we want to follow the ships.
746
00:53:15,010 --> 00:53:18,525
I'd love to, but my guidance system
has been deactivated.
747
00:53:18,650 --> 00:53:19,685
Oh, come on.
748
00:53:19,810 --> 00:53:22,085
I'm sorry. It wasn't my fault.
749
00:53:22,170 --> 00:53:24,126
What you doing on this ship?
750
00:53:24,250 --> 00:53:25,763
- Ford?
- Marvin.
751
00:53:25,850 --> 00:53:28,159
I've been talking
to the ship's computer.
752
00:53:28,290 --> 00:53:29,882
And?
753
00:53:29,970 --> 00:53:31,449
It hates me.
754
00:53:31,810 --> 00:53:34,608
No. Eddie, computer,
755
00:53:34,690 --> 00:53:38,046
is there another way
to follow the ships?
756
00:53:38,170 --> 00:53:42,448
Activating Emergency Escape Pod.
It's super-neat and fun to fly.
757
00:53:44,770 --> 00:53:46,203
Unbelievable.
758
00:53:46,290 --> 00:53:50,408
I'm in. OK, Ford,
do you have any idea?
759
00:53:50,490 --> 00:53:52,685
- We'll press this button.
- No.
760
00:53:54,250 --> 00:53:57,128
- This button.
- OK. Nothing's... OK.
761
00:53:57,250 --> 00:54:00,083
Good man.
762
00:54:00,170 --> 00:54:03,606
- OK, we're wobbling...
- You forgot your towel.
763
00:54:03,690 --> 00:54:06,079
Get him off me. I'll kill him.
764
00:54:06,170 --> 00:54:08,559
- OK, Ford, there's a...
- Is that better?
765
00:54:08,650 --> 00:54:10,606
No, that's worse.
766
00:54:10,730 --> 00:54:13,847
- Do what... I don't need that.
- OK.
767
00:54:13,930 --> 00:54:16,569
Stop the rocking.
Marvin, any ideas?
768
00:54:16,650 --> 00:54:20,120
I have a million ideas.
They all point to certain death.
769
00:54:20,210 --> 00:54:21,563
Thanks, Marv.
770
00:55:05,810 --> 00:55:09,689
- Magrathea.
- No, we're on the Vogon planet.
771
00:55:09,770 --> 00:55:12,284
- Yes, it is. It's Magrathea.
- This is Vogsphere.
772
00:55:12,370 --> 00:55:15,407
- Yeah, Magrathea. I know it.
- No, it's not.
773
00:55:15,490 --> 00:55:18,880
- There is no Magrathea.
- Yes, it is.
774
00:55:19,970 --> 00:55:22,040
- What are you doing?
- They took my head.
775
00:55:22,130 --> 00:55:24,849
They have these
on Arcturan megafreighters.
776
00:55:24,930 --> 00:55:27,364
They use them
when they need to concentrate.
777
00:55:27,450 --> 00:55:29,600
- What is it?
- It's a thinking cap.
778
00:55:34,170 --> 00:55:36,206
There you go.
779
00:55:39,810 --> 00:55:43,689
That should give him some zest
for about ten minutes or so.
780
00:55:43,770 --> 00:55:47,080
Now I'm feeling much better
about our predicament.
781
00:56:07,530 --> 00:56:11,523
I checked the Guide for how
to rescue a prisoner from Vogsphere.
782
00:56:11,610 --> 00:56:14,602
It said don't.
I'm assuming you have a better plan.
783
00:56:14,690 --> 00:56:17,158
Well, I kind of had this idea
that we could...
784
00:56:19,130 --> 00:56:21,246
- Did anyone see that?
- See what?
785
00:56:21,370 --> 00:56:23,167
What was it?
786
00:56:23,290 --> 00:56:27,408
Nothing, it's nothing.
It's just my imagination.
787
00:56:27,530 --> 00:56:31,569
OK, right. Now, everyone just stop
a minute, please, and look at me.
788
00:56:31,650 --> 00:56:36,360
There's definitely something
going on here.
789
00:56:38,050 --> 00:56:40,200
Just watch.
790
00:56:40,290 --> 00:56:42,201
Just watch.
791
00:56:45,490 --> 00:56:47,845
OK, I think we...
792
00:56:49,170 --> 00:56:50,569
You too.
793
00:56:51,570 --> 00:56:53,845
Yeah, what was that?
794
00:56:57,090 --> 00:56:59,001
Zaphod, what do you think?
795
00:57:02,170 --> 00:57:05,845
I think... Zarquon.
What was that?
796
00:57:06,810 --> 00:57:10,246
I'd make a suggestion,
but you wouldn't listen.
797
00:57:10,370 --> 00:57:13,168
- No one ever does.
- I have an idea.
798
00:57:13,250 --> 00:57:16,242
Ford. Kill it. Get rid of it.
799
00:57:24,290 --> 00:57:27,009
OK, don't think.
800
00:57:27,090 --> 00:57:29,479
Nobody think. No ideas.
801
00:57:29,570 --> 00:57:31,640
No theories. No nothing.
802
00:57:37,570 --> 00:57:40,084
This is crazy.
Trillian is in there somewhere.
803
00:57:40,170 --> 00:57:44,800
- We need an idea to help save her.
- I have an...
804
00:57:44,890 --> 00:57:46,926
Run.
805
00:58:15,090 --> 00:58:17,126
You're supposed to stop.
806
00:58:25,970 --> 00:58:30,088
OK, so I'm not thinking.
Not thinking. No ideas coming.
807
00:58:32,810 --> 00:58:35,802
OK, this isn't an idea
that has any merit at all,
808
00:58:35,930 --> 00:58:39,605
but, Marvin, can you give me a hand?
809
00:58:41,970 --> 00:58:44,040
OK, where is she?
810
00:58:46,890 --> 00:58:49,609
Who, the director of robot arm repair?
811
00:58:51,210 --> 00:58:55,567
Tricia Yggarstuk McMillanus of Blaard?
812
00:58:55,650 --> 00:58:58,722
No, Tricia Marie McMillan of Earth.
813
00:58:58,850 --> 00:59:00,363
Oh. Right.
814
00:59:05,970 --> 00:59:09,246
Sorry, no record of Earth.
815
00:59:10,010 --> 00:59:13,639
Galactic sector
ZZ9 Plural Z Alpha?
816
00:59:13,730 --> 00:59:17,040
- Oh, yes.
- She's lying.
817
00:59:18,490 --> 00:59:21,687
She's skinny, and she's pretty,
and she's lying.
818
00:59:22,930 --> 00:59:25,398
Oh, yes, here we are. Earth.
819
00:59:27,330 --> 00:59:28,729
"Destroyed."
820
00:59:28,850 --> 00:59:32,047
Do you have
a second home planet?
821
00:59:32,130 --> 00:59:35,566
- Destroyed? That's impossible.
- That's what it says here.
822
00:59:35,690 --> 00:59:40,639
Says it was destroyed to make way
for a hyperspace expressway.
823
00:59:47,410 --> 00:59:50,846
Who in their right mind
gives an order to destroy a planet?
824
00:59:52,890 --> 00:59:56,644
- He said the gray building, right?
- All the buildings are gray.
825
00:59:56,730 --> 01:00:00,006
"Give me a hand." Very funny.
826
01:00:00,090 --> 01:00:03,400
How am I supposed to drive this pod
with one arm? Stupid human.
827
01:00:07,650 --> 01:00:10,687
So, you need to go back
and fill that in.
828
01:00:10,770 --> 01:00:13,967
Then, make sure, when you fill in
the facilitating form...
829
01:00:12,490 --> 01:00:17,166
Leave this to me. I'm British.
I know how to queue.
830
01:00:18,730 --> 01:00:23,645
If you'd fill that form in for me,
and return it as soon as possible.
831
01:00:23,730 --> 01:00:27,882
- Writing implements to your left...
- You're President. Can you do anything?
832
01:00:27,970 --> 01:00:32,646
Presidents don't have power. Their job
is to draw attention away from it.
833
01:00:34,650 --> 01:00:36,606
Hey, how you doin'?
834
01:00:36,690 --> 01:00:41,206
Hey, it's me, your President.
What's goin' on? Thanks for coming.
835
01:00:41,290 --> 01:00:44,009
All right. I know that sponge.
All right.
836
01:00:44,130 --> 01:00:46,405
- Next.
- President coming through.
837
01:00:46,530 --> 01:00:49,363
How you doin', Pinhead?
No, really, it's me.
838
01:00:50,210 --> 01:00:51,928
I love kabuki. Look at that.
839
01:00:52,010 --> 01:00:53,921
Out the way.
840
01:00:55,610 --> 01:00:57,805
Give us a kiss.
841
01:00:58,810 --> 01:01:01,563
Hi, I've come about
release of a prisoner.
842
01:01:01,650 --> 01:01:03,686
Prisoner release form.
843
01:01:06,930 --> 01:01:09,046
I don't believe you.
844
01:01:09,130 --> 01:01:11,007
These are the orders.
845
01:01:15,890 --> 01:01:17,801
"Love and kisses"?
846
01:01:18,570 --> 01:01:21,926
Now, according
to the Galactic Penal Code,
847
01:01:22,010 --> 01:01:26,526
the punishment for
a presidential kidnapping
848
01:01:26,610 --> 01:01:30,205
is to be fed to
the Ravenous Bugblatter Beast of Traal.
849
01:01:30,970 --> 01:01:32,961
Good day.
850
01:01:34,570 --> 01:01:38,722
Get off of me. What the hell is that?
851
01:01:40,050 --> 01:01:44,123
No, wait.
There's been some kind of mistake.
852
01:01:46,530 --> 01:01:51,888
- Tick all the boxes on the right.
- Right. Got it.
853
01:01:51,970 --> 01:01:53,881
Not that one.
854
01:01:53,970 --> 01:01:58,088
What to do if you find yourself
stuck with no hope of rescue.
855
01:01:58,170 --> 01:02:02,368
Consider how lucky you are
that life has been good to you so far.
856
01:02:02,450 --> 01:02:05,442
Alternatively, if life
hasn't been good to you so far,
857
01:02:05,530 --> 01:02:08,761
which, given your current circumstances,
seems more likely,
858
01:02:08,850 --> 01:02:12,889
consider how lucky you are that
it won't be troubling you much longer.
859
01:02:16,170 --> 01:02:18,968
Right, there we go.
860
01:02:19,050 --> 01:02:21,325
Kidnapping the President.
861
01:02:21,450 --> 01:02:25,682
Oh, no, she's not eligible
for release at this time.
862
01:02:25,770 --> 01:02:28,807
OK. Right.
Look, this is the President.
863
01:02:28,890 --> 01:02:30,926
OK. See, there?
864
01:02:31,010 --> 01:02:34,480
He says the kidnapping business
was a horrible misunderstanding.
865
01:02:34,570 --> 01:02:36,083
Oh, yeah.
866
01:02:36,170 --> 01:02:39,719
She meant nothing by it.
He's ordering you to let her go.
867
01:02:39,810 --> 01:02:44,361
But this isn't a presidential
release of prisoner form.
868
01:02:44,450 --> 01:02:46,361
Those are blue.
869
01:02:47,610 --> 01:02:51,523
- I'll stay here.
- All right. Hold that. OK.
870
01:02:56,010 --> 01:02:58,240
Oh, he's hungry today.
871
01:03:00,730 --> 01:03:02,209
That's blue. Right.
872
01:03:04,370 --> 01:03:07,168
- I'm not a journalist.
- We're just hanging out.
873
01:03:07,250 --> 01:03:09,718
OK, this is for Tricia McMillan.
874
01:03:10,490 --> 01:03:13,721
Tricia McMillan. OK.
875
01:03:15,770 --> 01:03:19,729
Sir, it's a release form.
876
01:03:19,850 --> 01:03:21,044
Thank you.
877
01:03:21,130 --> 01:03:24,167
She's free to go.
878
01:03:24,250 --> 01:03:26,241
Release her.
879
01:03:28,930 --> 01:03:32,605
Zaphod's here.
Well, then, that's fine then.
880
01:03:32,690 --> 01:03:34,601
Let's just go and get him.
881
01:03:42,370 --> 01:03:44,964
Who are we waiting for again?
882
01:03:48,850 --> 01:03:50,761
No, I'm serious.
883
01:03:52,650 --> 01:03:54,845
Tricia.
884
01:03:57,770 --> 01:03:59,681
- Tricia.
- Trill.
885
01:04:00,210 --> 01:04:03,008
- Hey, come on.
- You idiot.
886
01:04:03,090 --> 01:04:05,046
You signed the order to destroy Earth.
887
01:04:05,130 --> 01:04:06,882
- He did?
- I did?
888
01:04:06,970 --> 01:04:11,248
Yes. "Love and kisses, Zaphod"?
You didn't even read it, did you?
889
01:04:11,330 --> 01:04:15,926
Honey, I'm President of the Galaxy.
I don't get a lot of time for reading.
890
01:04:17,930 --> 01:04:19,682
An entire planet, my home,
891
01:04:19,770 --> 01:04:22,967
destroyed because you thought
they wanted your autograph.
892
01:04:23,050 --> 01:04:25,518
- They framed me.
- Are you an idiot?
893
01:04:25,610 --> 01:04:29,364
- Trillian.
- You knew. Why didn't you tell me?
894
01:04:29,450 --> 01:04:33,329
- He threatened me.
- Get a backbone, Arthur.
895
01:04:33,410 --> 01:04:38,359
Oh, a backbone? What about coming here
to rescue you? Thank you. My idea.
896
01:04:39,570 --> 01:04:41,481
Stupid.
897
01:04:45,610 --> 01:04:47,840
- Got your arm.
- How considerate.
898
01:04:47,930 --> 01:04:52,128
Right, then, all those lucky enough
to have two arms, hold tight.
899
01:05:08,130 --> 01:05:11,122
The President tests my patience.
900
01:05:11,210 --> 01:05:15,840
This time I shall pursue him myself.
Ready my ship.
901
01:05:15,930 --> 01:05:18,728
Fantastic. At last.
902
01:05:23,810 --> 01:05:27,007
That's one hour for lunch, everybody.
903
01:05:27,770 --> 01:05:29,840
I think I'll have soup today.
904
01:05:31,850 --> 01:05:35,206
The Encyclopaedia Galactica,
in its chapter on love,
905
01:05:35,290 --> 01:05:38,566
states that it is
far too complicated to define.
906
01:05:38,650 --> 01:05:42,882
The Hitchhiker's Guide
to the Galaxy has this to say on love:
907
01:05:43,050 --> 01:05:45,484
"Avoid, if at all possible."
908
01:05:45,570 --> 01:05:48,323
Unfortunately,
Arthur Dent has never read
909
01:05:48,410 --> 01:05:50,765
The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy.
910
01:05:50,890 --> 01:05:54,678
- Oh, I'm so sorry.
- No, come in.
911
01:05:54,810 --> 01:05:56,926
I didn't...
912
01:05:59,770 --> 01:06:01,362
Look...
913
01:06:01,450 --> 01:06:04,248
Trillian, I just wanted to say,
you were right,
914
01:06:04,330 --> 01:06:09,643
I should've told you, and I understand
totally if you're angry with me.
915
01:06:09,730 --> 01:06:13,279
For what it's worth,
I know how you must be feeling.
916
01:06:14,970 --> 01:06:19,122
- Can you hand me a towel?
- Yeah, sure, this...
917
01:06:20,530 --> 01:06:22,441
Thank you.
918
01:06:22,530 --> 01:06:25,408
Actually, what I was going to say was
919
01:06:26,650 --> 01:06:31,485
if I'd said yes to you
and gone to Madagascar,
920
01:06:31,570 --> 01:06:33,606
then neither of us would be here now.
921
01:06:35,370 --> 01:06:38,999
I just thought that might
count for something.
922
01:06:42,130 --> 01:06:44,041
It doesn't matter.
923
01:07:06,382 --> 01:07:11,775
All right, computer, take us to...
Where we headed again?
924
01:07:11,862 --> 01:07:14,296
OK, I'm gonna get you another lemon.
925
01:07:15,262 --> 01:07:17,173
All right.
926
01:07:21,302 --> 01:07:23,611
Engaging Improbability Drive.
927
01:07:23,702 --> 01:07:27,411
No, Zaphod, no.
Buttons are not toys. What did you do?
928
01:07:27,502 --> 01:07:29,299
Magrathean coordinates accepted.
929
01:07:36,822 --> 01:07:39,290
It blows my circuits to tell you
930
01:07:39,382 --> 01:07:42,658
that we're in orbit,
at an altitude of 300 miles,
931
01:07:42,782 --> 01:07:46,252
around the legendary planet
of Magrathea.
932
01:07:46,342 --> 01:07:48,936
Magrathea.
933
01:07:55,302 --> 01:07:57,213
Unbelievable.
934
01:07:59,662 --> 01:08:01,573
Incredible.
935
01:08:02,542 --> 01:08:04,897
It's even worse
than I thought it would be.
936
01:08:06,062 --> 01:08:10,180
Greetings. This is a recorded
announcement as we are all out.
937
01:08:10,262 --> 01:08:13,572
The Commercial Council of Magrathea
thanks you for your visit,
938
01:08:13,702 --> 01:08:16,899
but regrets that the entire planet
is temporarily closed.
939
01:08:16,982 --> 01:08:20,611
If you'd like to leave your name
and a planet where you can be contacted,
940
01:08:20,702 --> 01:08:22,738
kindly do so at the tone.
941
01:08:23,782 --> 01:08:27,536
- How can a planet be closed?
- Zarkin' A, cousin.
942
01:08:27,622 --> 01:08:30,898
OK, computer, keep going.
Take us down.
943
01:08:31,022 --> 01:08:32,535
I'd be happy to.
944
01:08:34,102 --> 01:08:38,971
It is gratifying that your enthusiasm
for our planet continues unabated.
945
01:08:39,062 --> 01:08:41,576
As a token of our appreciation,
946
01:08:41,702 --> 01:08:44,614
we hope you will enjoy
the two thermo-nuclear missiles
947
01:08:44,702 --> 01:08:47,819
we've just sent
to converge with your craft.
948
01:08:48,502 --> 01:08:50,811
To ensure on-going quality of service,
949
01:08:50,942 --> 01:08:55,015
your death may be monitored
for training purposes. Thank you.
950
01:08:55,622 --> 01:08:59,740
I'm delighted to tell you there are two
nuclear missiles heading right for us.
951
01:08:59,822 --> 01:09:03,053
If you don't mind,
I'm going to take evasive action.
952
01:09:07,222 --> 01:09:10,294
Something's jamming
my guidance system.
953
01:09:10,382 --> 01:09:12,259
Impact minus 45 seconds.
954
01:09:15,862 --> 01:09:17,978
Computer, do something.
955
01:09:18,102 --> 01:09:22,220
Sure. Handing over manual control.
Good luck.
956
01:09:32,462 --> 01:09:34,418
I need some help.
957
01:09:35,182 --> 01:09:37,616
I can't do this without my third arm.
958
01:09:40,342 --> 01:09:42,492
Arthur, grab my hand.
959
01:09:52,502 --> 01:09:56,051
- Did we lose 'em?
- No, they're coming right at us.
960
01:09:58,622 --> 01:10:02,171
- Why don't I just press this?
- No, we're not back to normal yet.
961
01:10:02,262 --> 01:10:04,218
- What will happen?
- I don't know.
962
01:10:04,302 --> 01:10:08,136
Don't do it. We're here.
No telling where it'll send us.
963
01:10:10,982 --> 01:10:12,859
- No, sod it all.
- No.
964
01:10:18,782 --> 01:10:20,693
Where are we?
965
01:10:24,622 --> 01:10:28,171
- Exactly where we were.
- And the missiles?
966
01:10:29,182 --> 01:10:34,495
Apparently, they've turned
into a bowl of petunias.
967
01:10:35,942 --> 01:10:38,695
And a very surprised-looking whale.
968
01:10:38,822 --> 01:10:45,773
And an improbability factor
of 8,767,128 to 1 against.
969
01:10:46,662 --> 01:10:48,573
We have normality.
970
01:10:49,502 --> 01:10:51,857
Normality, right.
971
01:10:51,942 --> 01:10:54,740
We can talk about normality
till the cows come home.
972
01:10:55,862 --> 01:10:58,774
- What is normal?
- What's home?
973
01:10:58,862 --> 01:11:00,500
What are cows?
974
01:11:01,622 --> 01:11:04,375
A proper cup of tea
would restore my normality.
975
01:11:04,462 --> 01:11:08,535
It is important to note that suddenly,
and against all probability,
976
01:11:08,622 --> 01:11:11,375
a sperm whale had been
called into existence
977
01:11:11,462 --> 01:11:15,421
several miles above
the surface of an alien planet.
978
01:11:15,502 --> 01:11:18,221
Since this is not a tenable position
for a whale,
979
01:11:18,302 --> 01:11:23,092
this innocent creature had very little
time to come to terms with its identity.
980
01:11:23,182 --> 01:11:25,650
This is what it thought as it fell:
981
01:11:25,742 --> 01:11:28,814
What's happening? Who am I?
982
01:11:28,902 --> 01:11:32,417
Why am I here? What's my purpose?
What do I mean by "who am l"?
983
01:11:32,542 --> 01:11:34,578
OK, calm down, get a grip now.
984
01:11:34,662 --> 01:11:38,575
This is an interesting sensation.
A sort of tingling in my...
985
01:11:38,662 --> 01:11:43,497
I better start finding names for things.
Let's call it a tail. Yeah, tail.
986
01:11:43,622 --> 01:11:47,501
What's this roaring sound whooshing past
what I'm gonna call my head?
987
01:11:47,582 --> 01:11:49,618
Wind. Is that a good name? That'll do.
988
01:11:49,702 --> 01:11:52,853
Yay, this is really exciting.
I'm dizzy with anticipation.
989
01:11:52,942 --> 01:11:55,376
Or is it the wind?
There's a lot of that now.
990
01:11:55,462 --> 01:11:59,375
And what's this thing coming towards me
very fast? So big and flat and round.
991
01:11:59,502 --> 01:12:04,371
It needs a big wide-sounding name
like ow, ound, round, ground.
992
01:12:04,462 --> 01:12:08,819
That's it, ground. I wonder if it will
be friends with me. Hello, ground.
993
01:12:11,102 --> 01:12:14,731
The only thing that went through
the mind of the bowl of petunias
994
01:12:14,822 --> 01:12:18,701
as it fell was, "Oh, no, not again."
995
01:12:19,902 --> 01:12:25,295
Many have speculated that if we knew
why the petunias had thought that,
996
01:12:25,382 --> 01:12:30,581
we should know a lot more about the
nature of the universe than we do now.
997
01:12:34,702 --> 01:12:36,852
What are those things?
998
01:12:36,942 --> 01:12:40,173
They're portals to another dimension.
999
01:12:40,262 --> 01:12:44,574
Right. I don't suppose this portal
has central heating, does it?
1000
01:12:50,382 --> 01:12:52,100
This is the one.
1001
01:12:52,182 --> 01:12:56,460
This will all end in tears,
I just know it.
1002
01:12:59,222 --> 01:13:01,292
Right here.
1003
01:13:05,502 --> 01:13:07,891
OK, in we go.
1004
01:13:07,982 --> 01:13:12,897
We can't just step into that... that.
We don't know where it leads.
1005
01:13:12,982 --> 01:13:15,018
If we pick the wrong one,
1006
01:13:15,142 --> 01:13:18,691
we just come back,
we pick another one. It's no biggie.
1007
01:13:18,822 --> 01:13:22,258
What? Yeah, it's a big biggie, Ford.
A big biggie.
1008
01:13:22,342 --> 01:13:27,132
What if it rips us all into
tiny little atomic particle thingies?
1009
01:13:27,222 --> 01:13:30,612
This is the right one. I have a hunch.
1010
01:13:30,702 --> 01:13:34,741
- Ford.
- His hunches are good.
1011
01:13:34,822 --> 01:13:37,131
Arthur, I say we go.
1012
01:13:37,222 --> 01:13:42,854
Go with the hunch of a man
whose brain is fuelled by lemons?
1013
01:13:42,942 --> 01:13:44,534
This is suicide.
1014
01:13:44,622 --> 01:13:48,456
- I think I resent that.
- I don't care.
1015
01:13:48,542 --> 01:13:51,340
I'm getting hostility from you, Alex...
1016
01:13:51,422 --> 01:13:54,858
- Arthur.
- Have you ever tried yoga?
1017
01:13:55,982 --> 01:13:59,452
- Trillian.
- I think that's supposed to happen.
1018
01:14:04,102 --> 01:14:06,297
She's gone. Ford, she's gone.
1019
01:14:07,422 --> 01:14:09,617
Arthur, don't panic.
1020
01:14:11,942 --> 01:14:15,730
- Ford.
- Hey, wait for me.
1021
01:14:28,742 --> 01:14:30,414
Come on.
1022
01:14:30,502 --> 01:14:32,413
Idiot. Come on.
1023
01:14:56,462 --> 01:14:59,977
No, don't leave.
Come on, just start.
1024
01:15:00,062 --> 01:15:03,054
I told you this would end in tears.
1025
01:15:03,182 --> 01:15:05,173
Did you?
1026
01:15:14,142 --> 01:15:15,734
Geronimo.
1027
01:15:18,342 --> 01:15:19,934
Far out.
1028
01:15:22,702 --> 01:15:24,772
This is it.
1029
01:15:24,862 --> 01:15:27,217
Deep Thought. I'm a-coming.
1030
01:15:29,902 --> 01:15:34,532
So, this is how it's all going to end,
is it?
1031
01:15:36,822 --> 01:15:40,781
Me, alone on a dead planet,
with a manically depressed robot.
1032
01:15:40,862 --> 01:15:42,739
You think you've got problems.
1033
01:15:42,822 --> 01:15:45,734
What if you are
a manically depressed robot?
1034
01:15:45,862 --> 01:15:47,773
Excuse me.
1035
01:15:53,782 --> 01:15:58,219
- Who are you?
- No, my name is not important.
1036
01:15:59,382 --> 01:16:01,737
You must come with me.
1037
01:16:01,822 --> 01:16:05,940
- Get away.
- Terrible events are afoot.
1038
01:16:06,022 --> 01:16:09,378
You must come or you'll be late.
1039
01:16:09,462 --> 01:16:11,657
- Late? What for?
- What?
1040
01:16:11,742 --> 01:16:17,021
No. What's your name, Earthman?
1041
01:16:17,942 --> 01:16:20,217
- Dent. Arthur Dent.
- Well...
1042
01:16:20,302 --> 01:16:22,941
Well, late as in
"the late Dentarthurdent."
1043
01:16:23,662 --> 01:16:27,371
It's a sort of threat, do you see? No.
1044
01:16:27,502 --> 01:16:30,380
- No.
- Your friends are safe.
1045
01:16:30,462 --> 01:16:33,534
- You can trust me.
- A man who won't tell me his name?
1046
01:16:35,262 --> 01:16:38,174
OK, my name is...
1047
01:16:38,262 --> 01:16:42,016
My name is... is... is...
Slartibartfast.
1048
01:16:44,102 --> 01:16:47,060
I said it wasn't important.
1049
01:16:48,662 --> 01:16:52,701
Well... So my friends are safe?
1050
01:16:52,822 --> 01:16:54,175
Let me show you.
1051
01:16:54,262 --> 01:16:59,939
I could calculate your chances
of survival, but you won't like it.
1052
01:17:23,862 --> 01:17:26,535
Did you know we built planets?
1053
01:17:26,622 --> 01:17:29,659
Oh, yes, fascinating trade.
1054
01:17:30,582 --> 01:17:35,053
Doing the coastlines
was always my favourite.
1055
01:17:35,142 --> 01:17:40,091
We used to have endless fun doing the
little fiddly bits around the fjords.
1056
01:17:40,182 --> 01:17:45,461
But then the galactic economy collapsed,
and seeing that custom-built planets
1057
01:17:45,542 --> 01:17:49,421
are a bit of a luxury commodity...
1058
01:17:50,902 --> 01:17:54,611
Come with me because there's
been a terrible mix-up with your planet.
1059
01:17:54,702 --> 01:17:56,852
Best laid plans of mice, you know.
1060
01:17:56,942 --> 01:18:00,252
- And men.
- What?
1061
01:18:00,342 --> 01:18:02,298
Best laid plans of mice and men.
1062
01:18:03,982 --> 01:18:06,940
Yes, well, I don't think men
have much to do with it. Here.
1063
01:18:46,102 --> 01:18:48,138
I must warn you,
1064
01:18:48,222 --> 01:18:51,532
we're going to pass through,
well, a sort of gateway thing.
1065
01:18:51,662 --> 01:18:53,778
It may disturb you.
1066
01:18:53,862 --> 01:18:55,932
It scares the willies out of me.
1067
01:19:26,182 --> 01:19:29,618
Welcome to our factory floor.
1068
01:19:52,422 --> 01:19:54,333
All right.
1069
01:19:55,822 --> 01:19:58,575
Yeah, this is it.
1070
01:20:01,502 --> 01:20:03,891
This is it.
1071
01:20:04,022 --> 01:20:07,731
O great Deep Thought.
1072
01:20:07,822 --> 01:20:09,460
We have travelled long...
1073
01:20:11,462 --> 01:20:13,134
...and far.
1074
01:20:13,262 --> 01:20:18,495
Have you calculated
the ultimate question of life,
1075
01:20:18,582 --> 01:20:20,891
the universe and everything?
1076
01:20:21,702 --> 01:20:22,691
No.
1077
01:20:22,782 --> 01:20:25,216
- What?
- I've been watching TV.
1078
01:20:26,062 --> 01:20:28,530
I designed
another computer to do that.
1079
01:20:30,022 --> 01:20:32,252
Oh, right, I forgot. Is it here?
1080
01:20:32,342 --> 01:20:34,981
No, it's not here. It's another world.
1081
01:20:35,062 --> 01:20:37,098
It's on another world.
1082
01:20:37,222 --> 01:20:40,578
It is another world, stupid.
1083
01:20:40,662 --> 01:20:42,971
Or it was until the Vogons destroyed it
1084
01:20:43,062 --> 01:20:45,337
to make way
for a hyperspace expressway.
1085
01:20:45,542 --> 01:20:47,658
Well... OK.
1086
01:20:47,742 --> 01:20:49,778
You sure you don't have the question,
1087
01:20:49,862 --> 01:20:53,218
or a way to, you know,
access it or something?
1088
01:20:53,302 --> 01:20:55,179
I think I've done a lot to get here.
1089
01:20:55,302 --> 01:20:58,533
Oh, shh. The show's back on.
1090
01:21:03,742 --> 01:21:07,655
Well, I don't wanna bother you,
so I'm gonna... Good stuff.
1091
01:21:07,742 --> 01:21:11,974
Great. I'm gonna go find something
else for my entire life to be about.
1092
01:21:12,062 --> 01:21:15,213
Zaphod, there's the gun.
1093
01:21:15,302 --> 01:21:17,497
- Gun?
- That Humma sent you for.
1094
01:21:17,582 --> 01:21:21,894
- You gave him your head.
- Why'd I do that?
1095
01:21:21,982 --> 01:21:23,574
- OK.
- That's stupid.
1096
01:21:23,702 --> 01:21:28,571
O Deep Thought,
we were told that there is a gun.
1097
01:21:42,782 --> 01:21:44,932
There you are.
1098
01:21:45,022 --> 01:21:46,614
Look familiar?
1099
01:21:46,702 --> 01:21:50,092
So it wasn't destroyed?
1100
01:21:50,182 --> 01:21:54,255
Actually, it was.
This is a backup. Earth Mark II.
1101
01:21:57,262 --> 01:21:58,980
So you made the Earth?
1102
01:21:59,902 --> 01:22:02,541
Not me alone, but I did my part.
1103
01:22:02,662 --> 01:22:05,813
Ever heard of a place,
I think it's called Norway?
1104
01:22:05,902 --> 01:22:09,611
That was one of mine.
I... I got an award for it.
1105
01:22:18,902 --> 01:22:22,212
All right, Frank? That's Frank.
1106
01:22:24,142 --> 01:22:26,497
They've nearly finished the oceans.
1107
01:22:35,542 --> 01:22:36,816
Zaphod.
1108
01:22:36,902 --> 01:22:38,813
Here, it's...
1109
01:22:41,222 --> 01:22:44,134
It's just like Humma said.
1110
01:22:44,222 --> 01:22:46,690
- Now you can go get your head back.
- Hey, Ford.
1111
01:22:46,782 --> 01:22:49,171
It's been nice knowing you,
you zarkin' frood.
1112
01:22:49,262 --> 01:22:50,251
No.
1113
01:22:51,302 --> 01:22:53,452
This is a bust too.
1114
01:22:53,542 --> 01:22:57,581
Hey, man. You know,
you must really be frustrated.
1115
01:22:57,662 --> 01:23:00,574
You go through all you have,
you don't get an answer,
1116
01:23:00,662 --> 01:23:03,301
which means no money or fame,
which you deserve...
1117
01:23:03,382 --> 01:23:08,376
The Point-of-View Gun, conveniently,
does precisely what its name suggests.
1118
01:23:08,502 --> 01:23:10,891
Fantastic.
1119
01:23:11,982 --> 01:23:14,815
If you point it at someone
and pull the trigger,
1120
01:23:14,942 --> 01:23:17,581
they instantly see things
from your point of view.
1121
01:23:17,662 --> 01:23:19,414
Give me that thing.
1122
01:23:19,542 --> 01:23:21,373
It was designed by Deep Thought,
1123
01:23:21,462 --> 01:23:25,216
but commissioned by a consortium
of intergalactic angry housewives
1124
01:23:25,302 --> 01:23:27,611
who, after arguments
with their husbands,
1125
01:23:27,702 --> 01:23:30,933
were sick of ending
those arguments with the phrase,
1126
01:23:31,062 --> 01:23:33,053
"You just don't get it, do you?"
1127
01:23:35,742 --> 01:23:37,892
And you're right,
I shouldn't be so upset
1128
01:23:37,982 --> 01:23:42,339
because life goes on, you know,
and I should just go on with it.
1129
01:23:42,942 --> 01:23:45,172
Shoot him again.
1130
01:23:48,302 --> 01:23:51,931
Hitchhiking's good. Towels are good too.
1131
01:23:52,022 --> 01:23:55,173
- Say what?
- That is brilliant.
1132
01:23:55,262 --> 01:23:57,253
What's goin'...?
1133
01:23:57,342 --> 01:24:00,015
I can see why Humma Kavula
would want one of these.
1134
01:24:01,222 --> 01:24:03,816
- We better get back. Arthur's waiting.
- Who cares?
1135
01:24:03,902 --> 01:24:08,259
I do. Especially since we're somewhat
of an endangered species, thanks to you.
1136
01:24:08,342 --> 01:24:10,378
Why so edgy, baby doll? Relax.
1137
01:24:10,502 --> 01:24:13,175
You wanna know why I'm edgy?
1138
01:24:14,462 --> 01:24:17,056
Of course you're edgy.
Your planet's been blown up
1139
01:24:17,142 --> 01:24:20,851
and you've been tooling around
with the guy who signed the order.
1140
01:24:22,942 --> 01:24:25,012
You actually wanted
to know the question
1141
01:24:25,102 --> 01:24:27,741
because you always wondered
if there was more to life
1142
01:24:27,822 --> 01:24:31,576
and now you're crushed
because you find out there really isn't.
1143
01:24:31,662 --> 01:24:36,019
Hey, fantastic. Psychedelic.
1144
01:24:37,742 --> 01:24:41,371
You've got no home, no family,
and you're stuck with me,
1145
01:24:41,462 --> 01:24:44,932
another in a long line of men
who doesn't really get you.
1146
01:24:47,262 --> 01:24:49,173
That's not true.
1147
01:24:51,782 --> 01:24:55,980
And you're worried you might have blown
it with the one guy who really does.
1148
01:25:01,302 --> 01:25:03,293
Oh, baby doll.
1149
01:25:03,982 --> 01:25:05,893
Give me that thing.
1150
01:25:09,542 --> 01:25:12,659
It won't affect me.
I'm already a woman.
1151
01:25:23,342 --> 01:25:25,537
It's OK.
It's only a couple of little mice.
1152
01:25:29,142 --> 01:25:32,498
Voilą. Himalayas. Good, eh?
1153
01:25:35,822 --> 01:25:38,052
Earthman, you must realise
1154
01:25:38,182 --> 01:25:41,174
that the planet you lived
on was commissioned,
1155
01:25:41,262 --> 01:25:44,459
paid for and run by mice.
1156
01:25:47,142 --> 01:25:50,259
When you say mice,
do you mean the little furry creatures
1157
01:25:50,342 --> 01:25:52,173
with whiskers, ears, cheese?
1158
01:25:52,262 --> 01:25:57,097
Yeah, but they're protrusions into our
dimension of hyperintelligent beings.
1159
01:25:57,182 --> 01:26:00,538
I don't know this cheese
of which you speak,
1160
01:26:00,662 --> 01:26:04,211
but they were there on Earth
as mice experimenting on you.
1161
01:26:04,302 --> 01:26:09,012
I see where you've become confused now.
You see, we were experimenting on them.
1162
01:26:09,142 --> 01:26:12,817
Ah, no, well, yeah, no.
That's what they wanted you to think,
1163
01:26:12,902 --> 01:26:16,690
but you were actually
elements in their computer program.
1164
01:26:18,342 --> 01:26:20,731
Actually, this explains a lot.
1165
01:26:20,822 --> 01:26:23,211
All my life,
I've had this strange feeling
1166
01:26:23,302 --> 01:26:26,294
there's something big and sinister
going on in the world.
1167
01:26:26,382 --> 01:26:30,375
No, that's normal paranoia.
Everyone in the universe gets that.
1168
01:26:33,222 --> 01:26:36,578
Perhaps I'm old and tired,
but the chances of finding out
1169
01:26:36,662 --> 01:26:39,256
what's actually going on
are so absurdly remote
1170
01:26:39,342 --> 01:26:43,301
that the only thing to do is say hang
the sense of it and keep yourself busy.
1171
01:26:43,382 --> 01:26:45,691
I'd much rather be happy
than right any day.
1172
01:26:45,822 --> 01:26:47,699
- And are you?
- No.
1173
01:26:48,422 --> 01:26:50,333
That's where it all falls down.
1174
01:27:01,182 --> 01:27:03,218
Here you are then.
1175
01:27:17,102 --> 01:27:18,660
Is this...?
1176
01:27:32,102 --> 01:27:34,252
It's all there.
1177
01:27:35,342 --> 01:27:37,492
You know, it all works.
1178
01:27:37,582 --> 01:27:39,573
Welcome home.
1179
01:28:00,622 --> 01:28:02,613
- There you are.
- Surprise.
1180
01:28:02,702 --> 01:28:05,500
What are you doing?
What happened to you?
1181
01:28:05,662 --> 01:28:07,015
Is that tea?
1182
01:28:07,102 --> 01:28:11,254
- First, our hosts attacked us.
- Right.
1183
01:28:11,342 --> 01:28:14,652
But then they made up for it
by making us
1184
01:28:14,742 --> 01:28:16,972
this amazing meal.
1185
01:28:17,822 --> 01:28:21,019
It's so... Everything's right.
Everything's delicious.
1186
01:28:22,582 --> 01:28:25,142
Oh, come on, that's lovely.
1187
01:28:25,222 --> 01:28:27,417
We're glad you like it, Earth creature.
1188
01:28:31,422 --> 01:28:35,938
The talking mice. Cool.
1189
01:28:36,022 --> 01:28:40,937
- Sit, Earthman.
- Oh, thank you. Thank you for that.
1190
01:28:41,862 --> 01:28:45,172
- Please, drink.
- Excuse me.
1191
01:28:45,262 --> 01:28:48,493
- Is there anything else?
- No, we're quite happy, thank you.
1192
01:28:48,582 --> 01:28:52,131
Good, I'll be outside, so...
1193
01:28:52,222 --> 01:28:54,372
You were right.
1194
01:28:54,462 --> 01:28:56,180
- Please, drink.
- Yes.
1195
01:28:56,782 --> 01:28:58,659
He was right.
1196
01:28:58,782 --> 01:29:00,534
Now, to business.
1197
01:29:00,622 --> 01:29:02,340
To business.
1198
01:29:02,422 --> 01:29:03,696
Eat.
1199
01:29:04,902 --> 01:29:06,096
Sorry.
1200
01:29:06,182 --> 01:29:09,936
We've spent a lot of time on your planet
looking for this ultimate question.
1201
01:29:10,022 --> 01:29:13,458
Only to have it blow up in our faces.
Literally.
1202
01:29:13,542 --> 01:29:16,898
Which is why you're here.
We've been offered a lucrative contract
1203
01:29:16,982 --> 01:29:18,938
to do several 5-D TV chat shows.
1204
01:29:19,022 --> 01:29:21,456
But here's the point.
We must have product.
1205
01:29:21,542 --> 01:29:24,614
We need the ultimate question,
or one that sounds ultimate.
1206
01:29:24,742 --> 01:29:26,937
- Of course.
- We've rebuilt the planet.
1207
01:29:27,022 --> 01:29:29,775
Now all we need
is the missing piece of the puzzle.
1208
01:29:29,862 --> 01:29:31,978
- Which happens to be your brain.
- Right.
1209
01:29:32,062 --> 01:29:33,256
More tea?
1210
01:29:33,382 --> 01:29:35,976
Sorry, did you just say
you need my brain?
1211
01:29:36,062 --> 01:29:38,257
Yes, to complete the programme.
1212
01:29:41,102 --> 01:29:43,696
You can't have my brain. I'm using it.
1213
01:29:43,822 --> 01:29:48,452
- Hardly.
- Hardly? Cheeky mouse.
1214
01:29:52,782 --> 01:29:55,216
Zaphod. Trillian.
1215
01:29:55,302 --> 01:29:57,497
Ford.
1216
01:29:57,582 --> 01:29:59,015
What was in that food?
1217
01:30:00,582 --> 01:30:02,698
What was in my tea?
1218
01:30:02,782 --> 01:30:05,250
Don't worry. You won't feel a thing.
1219
01:30:08,582 --> 01:30:10,379
Just wait a sodding minute.
1220
01:30:10,462 --> 01:30:13,056
You want a question
that goes with the answer 42?
1221
01:30:13,142 --> 01:30:14,734
What about, what's 6x7?
1222
01:30:14,822 --> 01:30:18,212
Or how many Vogons
does it take to change a light bulb?
1223
01:30:18,302 --> 01:30:21,931
Here's one: How many roads
must a man walk down?
1224
01:30:23,262 --> 01:30:25,173
Hey, that's not bad.
1225
01:30:25,262 --> 01:30:31,371
Fine, take it, cos my head
is filled with questions,
1226
01:30:31,502 --> 01:30:33,652
and no answer to any one of them
1227
01:30:33,742 --> 01:30:37,212
has ever brought me
one iota of happiness.
1228
01:30:37,302 --> 01:30:38,815
Except for one.
1229
01:30:38,902 --> 01:30:41,700
The one. The only question
I've ever wanted an answer to.
1230
01:30:41,782 --> 01:30:43,374
Is she the one?
1231
01:30:44,422 --> 01:30:47,698
The answer bloody well isn't 42,
it's yes.
1232
01:30:47,782 --> 01:30:53,095
Undoubtedly, unequivocally,
unabashedly, yes.
1233
01:30:53,182 --> 01:30:55,935
And for one week,
1234
01:30:56,062 --> 01:31:00,613
one week in my sad little blip
of an existence,
1235
01:31:02,782 --> 01:31:04,773
it made me happy.
1236
01:31:06,862 --> 01:31:08,215
That's a good answer.
1237
01:31:08,302 --> 01:31:11,374
Rubbish. We don't want to be happy.
We want to be famous.
1238
01:31:11,462 --> 01:31:14,977
- What's this "Is she the one" tripe?
- Take his brain.
1239
01:31:15,062 --> 01:31:18,134
No, don't take the brain.
Don't take the brain, mice.
1240
01:31:27,302 --> 01:31:30,294
It wasn't me. I'm famous.
1241
01:31:30,382 --> 01:31:32,657
Shoot him, quickly, shoot him.
1242
01:31:32,742 --> 01:31:34,141
Oh, bollocks.
1243
01:31:42,822 --> 01:31:44,301
I'm gonna be sick.
1244
01:31:47,742 --> 01:31:49,061
Belgium.
1245
01:31:57,182 --> 01:31:58,615
Follow me.
1246
01:31:59,182 --> 01:32:01,571
Left, right, left, right.
1247
01:32:01,662 --> 01:32:04,096
Attention.
1248
01:32:07,422 --> 01:32:10,255
Thanks a lot
for leaving me behind.
1249
01:32:10,382 --> 01:32:12,498
Though I can't say I blame you.
1250
01:32:12,582 --> 01:32:16,131
Mr President,
we're here for your protection.
1251
01:32:16,222 --> 01:32:18,452
Thanks, man. I appreciate it.
1252
01:32:18,542 --> 01:32:19,816
Fire.
1253
01:32:21,582 --> 01:32:23,095
No.
1254
01:32:26,022 --> 01:32:28,058
What's all the fuss about?
1255
01:32:28,142 --> 01:32:30,861
Vogons are the worst marksmen
in the galaxy.
1256
01:32:30,942 --> 01:32:35,857
- For God's sake, stop.
- Cease fire.
1257
01:32:42,222 --> 01:32:44,133
Now I've got a headache.
1258
01:32:54,422 --> 01:32:56,299
Marvin.
1259
01:32:56,422 --> 01:32:57,616
Oh, no.
1260
01:32:59,782 --> 01:33:02,899
He's got a towel, run away.
1261
01:33:05,022 --> 01:33:07,900
I'm gonna get us outta here.
How do you drive this thing?
1262
01:33:07,982 --> 01:33:09,256
What's going on?
1263
01:33:11,582 --> 01:33:13,459
We need that gun.
1264
01:33:14,582 --> 01:33:17,380
Come on. Get this ship started.
Come on. Start.
1265
01:33:18,462 --> 01:33:20,418
Come on. Oh, fire, fire.
1266
01:33:20,502 --> 01:33:21,776
Fire, fire.
1267
01:33:26,222 --> 01:33:28,338
He's locked it from the other side.
1268
01:33:28,422 --> 01:33:30,492
We'll have to go the other way.
1269
01:33:30,582 --> 01:33:32,413
Come on, let's go.
1270
01:33:37,542 --> 01:33:39,897
Stop.
1271
01:33:45,702 --> 01:33:49,695
Stop it. Stop shooting at us.
1272
01:34:07,982 --> 01:34:11,531
Oh, I feel so depressed.
1273
01:34:12,862 --> 01:34:17,572
I can't face another day.
1274
01:34:19,382 --> 01:34:21,100
What's the point?
1275
01:34:28,822 --> 01:34:31,017
- You all right?
- Yeah.
1276
01:34:36,462 --> 01:34:39,215
Sorry about your spaceship, Arthur.
1277
01:34:44,542 --> 01:34:46,658
Marvin, you saved our lives.
1278
01:34:46,742 --> 01:34:49,893
I know. Wretched, isn't it?
1279
01:34:55,142 --> 01:34:58,054
You got to ask yourself,
what's the point?
1280
01:34:58,182 --> 01:35:00,138
Take it away.
1281
01:35:08,062 --> 01:35:13,136
You could do all of that, but it's
not gonna... I'll ask... I'll just ask.
1282
01:35:13,222 --> 01:35:16,851
I've just been informed
by some of the lads
1283
01:35:16,982 --> 01:35:19,257
that since we're so near completion,
1284
01:35:19,342 --> 01:35:21,651
we're gonna go ahead and finish Earth.
1285
01:35:23,302 --> 01:35:27,136
Well, we can put it back exactly
as it was when you left, you know.
1286
01:35:27,222 --> 01:35:30,453
Unless there's...
1287
01:35:30,542 --> 01:35:33,932
there's, you know,
anything you want to change.
1288
01:35:35,942 --> 01:35:41,062
Something you think
your planet could do without.
1289
01:35:42,462 --> 01:35:45,579
Yeah. Me.
1290
01:35:46,062 --> 01:35:48,178
Oh. Hello?
1291
01:35:48,262 --> 01:35:51,857
No, as is. Yep, leave it. Yep.
1292
01:35:53,742 --> 01:35:55,255
Let's go somewhere.
1293
01:35:55,342 --> 01:35:57,810
Definitely. Where did you have in mind?
1294
01:35:57,902 --> 01:36:01,019
I know this great restaurant
at the end of the universe.
1295
01:36:01,782 --> 01:36:04,012
I am a little peckish.
1296
01:36:05,942 --> 01:36:08,615
I need to go to Humma's.
He's got something of mine.
1297
01:36:08,702 --> 01:36:14,095
- I think. I'm so confused.
- Don't worry, baby. We'll sort it out.
1298
01:36:14,222 --> 01:36:17,692
All right, let's trip the light
fantastic, baby. Just you and me.
1299
01:36:17,782 --> 01:36:19,534
Come on.
1300
01:36:19,662 --> 01:36:23,541
- You got your towel?
- Yeah. Why? Am I going to need it?
1301
01:36:23,662 --> 01:36:26,938
- Only always.
- Right. Yeah.
1302
01:36:27,022 --> 01:36:31,220
I wouldn't want to go
anywhere without my wonderful towel.
1303
01:36:35,702 --> 01:36:38,455
OK. Hold tight.
1304
01:36:41,822 --> 01:36:46,816
Stand by for commencement
of life cycle. In three, two, one...
1305
01:36:46,902 --> 01:36:48,654
All right.
1306
01:37:31,102 --> 01:37:33,297
Not that anyone cares what I say,
1307
01:37:33,382 --> 01:37:36,499
but the restaurant
is at the other end of the universe.
1308
01:38:04,262 --> 01:38:07,732
So long and thanks for all the fish
1309
01:38:07,862 --> 01:38:11,775
So sad that it should come to this
1310
01:38:11,902 --> 01:38:16,532
We tried to warn you all but, oh, dear
1311
01:38:19,422 --> 01:38:23,301
You may not share our intellect
1312
01:38:23,382 --> 01:38:27,091
Which might explain your disrespect
1313
01:38:27,222 --> 01:38:34,298
For all the natural wonders
that grow around you
1314
01:38:34,382 --> 01:38:39,137
So long, so long and thanks
for all the fish
1315
01:38:46,422 --> 01:38:50,176
The world's about to be destroyed
1316
01:38:50,262 --> 01:38:53,937
There's no point getting all annoyed
1317
01:38:54,022 --> 01:39:00,052
Lie back and let the planet dissolve
1318
01:39:01,702 --> 01:39:05,490
Despite those nets of tuna fleets
1319
01:39:05,622 --> 01:39:09,297
We thought that most of you were sweet
1320
01:39:09,422 --> 01:39:16,419
Especially tiny tots
and your pregnant women
1321
01:39:16,502 --> 01:39:20,290
So long, so long,
so long, so long, so long
1322
01:39:24,262 --> 01:39:29,052
So long, so long and thanks
for all the fish
1323
01:39:34,662 --> 01:39:35,890
Yeah.
1324
01:39:46,582 --> 01:39:47,981
Play it.
1325
01:39:51,422 --> 01:39:55,381
So long and thanks for all the fish
1326
01:39:55,462 --> 01:39:59,216
So sad that it should come to this
1327
01:39:59,302 --> 01:40:05,059
We tried to warn you all but, oh, dear
1328
01:40:05,182 --> 01:40:06,774
Oh, dear
1329
01:40:06,862 --> 01:40:10,650
Despite those nets of tuna fleets
1330
01:40:10,742 --> 01:40:14,576
We thought that most of you were sweet
1331
01:40:14,702 --> 01:40:21,699
Especially tiny tots
and your pregnant women
1332
01:40:21,782 --> 01:40:25,536
So long, so long,
so long, so long, so long
1333
01:40:29,382 --> 01:40:37,096
So long, so long and thanks
for all the fish
1334
01:40:37,942 --> 01:40:40,502
For all the fish
1335
01:40:43,862 --> 01:40:47,935
It is, of course, well known
that careless talk costs lives.
1336
01:40:48,022 --> 01:40:51,219
But the full scale of the problem
is not always appreciated.
1337
01:40:51,302 --> 01:40:54,578
For instance, at the very moment
that Arthur Dent said,
1338
01:40:54,662 --> 01:40:58,052
"I wouldn't want to go anywhere
without my wonderful towel",
1339
01:40:58,142 --> 01:41:02,533
a freak wormhole opened up in
the fabric of the space-time continuum
1340
01:41:02,622 --> 01:41:05,978
and carried his words far,
far back in time,
1341
01:41:06,062 --> 01:41:09,941
across almost infinite reaches of space,
to a distant galaxy
1342
01:41:10,022 --> 01:41:13,537
where strange and warlike beings
were poised on the brink
1343
01:41:13,622 --> 01:41:16,011
of frightful interstellar battle.
1344
01:41:16,102 --> 01:41:20,459
The two opposing leaders, resplendent
in their black-jewelled battle shorts
1345
01:41:20,542 --> 01:41:22,498
were meeting for the last time,
1346
01:41:22,662 --> 01:41:25,301
when a dreadful silence fell.
1347
01:41:25,382 --> 01:41:27,259
And at that very moment,
1348
01:41:27,342 --> 01:41:31,130
the words "I wouldn't want to go
anywhere without my wonderful towel"
1349
01:41:31,302 --> 01:41:34,135
drifted across the conference table.
1350
01:41:34,222 --> 01:41:36,782
Unfortunately, in their native tongue,
1351
01:41:36,862 --> 01:41:39,740
this was the most appalling
insult imaginable.
1352
01:41:39,822 --> 01:41:41,380
So the opposing battle fleets
1353
01:41:41,462 --> 01:41:43,976
decided to settle
their remaining differences,
1354
01:41:44,062 --> 01:41:47,293
in order to launch
a joint attack on our galaxy,
1355
01:41:47,382 --> 01:41:51,341
now positively identified
as the source of the offending remark.
1356
01:41:51,422 --> 01:41:54,539
For thousands of years,
the mighty starships tore across
1357
01:41:54,662 --> 01:41:59,861
the empty wastes of space and finally
dived screaming onto the planet Earth,
1358
01:41:59,942 --> 01:42:03,821
where, due to
a terrible miscalculation of scale,
1359
01:42:03,942 --> 01:42:08,538
the entire battle fleet was
accidentally swallowed by a small dog.
1360
01:42:08,622 --> 01:42:12,058
Those who study the complex
interplay of cause and effect
1361
01:42:12,182 --> 01:42:13,820
in the history of the universe
1362
01:42:13,942 --> 01:42:18,254
say that this sort of thing
is going on all the time.
1363
01:42:19,305 --> 01:43:19,669
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